Bring Me to Life
by iheartShules
Summary: It felt like she reawakened something inside him that lay dormant for so long, the part of him that he was sure was dead, and he could not dispel it. ::AU:: Rating HAS finally increased :D
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: This is AU like super AU I won't say anything more but you'll get a clear picture of how AU this is as you read the story but don't worry John and Joss are still are babies. I hope you guys are up for an AU since I know they are an acquired taste :D Eventual Careese because well I can't help myself and the rating will go up eventually in some future chapter which I don't know exactly because this is becoming a damn thing is taking on it's own life! Someone please kill my muse!  
**_

 _ **P.S. Thank you Elaine, I appreciate everything!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing, like normal, which is probably a good thing.**_

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It happened so fast.

Joss had been just exiting The Pony Bar near Canal Street and walking towards her car. She only had one cocktail and she had taken her time drinking it. She had a lot of work to do tomorrow and she wanted to drive home and not have to hail a taxi. It was refreshing to sit with Toni. She hadn't had a chance to sit down with her in a long while. Toni was busy being a lawyer, who she met during law school, and she was busy being a detective. Not to mention that Toni had a little one in ballet and, well, she had a not so little one herself that kept her hopping. He was on the basketball team and in drama which kept her busy with games and plays to attend.

But while she had been walking to her car, nearly reaching it, she had paused when she thought she heard a whimper. When it sounded again she knew it was whimpering. Joss had immediately followed the cries and soon she could make out words, like: 'please don't do this', 'please let me go', 'please stop' were being begged and pleaded. The female voice sounded young too. Her highly trained cop ears detected that the girl was petrified and something was definitely wrong.

She ran immediately, adrenaline pumping, and sure enough, as she entered the alleyway near Centre Street and Canal, she found four men; two African American and two white, about to rape one lone girl. She looked no older than her son and Joss had reacted angrily. Joss had dragged the one boy who had just undone his pants off the girl and told her to run and call the police. The girl heeded her advice and Joss tried to take four young males on by herself. Of course she was outnumbered but she wasn't about to let a girl be raped on her watch. No way, not when she had worked far too many homicides of girls that had been raped and then dumped like yesterday's trash. If she could save one, then she was saving one.

She hadn't thought of her own safety, hopefully the girl called 9-1-1 and didn't just leave her here, though she wasn't entirely sure if it would be in time. The only thing she truly wished was she got to call her son and tell him she loved him.

A rather sharp blow to her stomach brought her back to her current predicament. She was getting her ass kicked by four gang bangers who were pissed that she got in their way of an easy fuck regardless if the girl wanted it or not. Joss had given up trying to attack instead she was concentrating on defense, she had positioned herself so that most of their blows were superficial at best, only doing minimal damage to her. It was the only way she was going to come out of this alive. She had no backup, no gun, and was outnumbered.

"Bitch, you should have kept your nose clean. But a cunt is a cunt, even if you're old."

Joss realized they planned on raping her instead and she went back on the attack. She waited until he rolled her onto her back, going for her pants, and smiled. "You can't rape me if you don't have a dick left," she snarled, catching the young man's gaze at her defiant statement, before she rammed her knee into the man's groin as hard as she could and he yelled out in agony as he rolled off of her.

She rolled onto her knees and punched the boy lunging at her, but then the other two were on her. The back of her head smacked the cement ground and she stars. And this time when the white male climbed on top of her, he straddled her hips and had no intention of raping her. He had every intention to kill her because he wrapped his large hands around her neck.

She gagged as he cut off her oxygen. She fought punching him, ignoring the stinging pain in her knuckles, but the guy was ignoring her hits because his grip tightened around her neck. She couldn't even make a sound as her eyes watered from lack of oxygen. Joss refused to panic, the moment you panicked was the moment you were dead. She felt lightheaded and couldn't breathe. She continued to fight but felt herself throwing weaker punches, her legs thrashing weren't as strong as her vision began blackening on the edges, and her eyes met the man's and saw nothing in them. She slid a hand down her body, just focusing on grabbing the pocket knife she had and she'd stab this man in the damn neck if need to be. She just had to have enough in her left to grab it. She worked her fingertips into her pocket.

Joss heard the others screaming for him to kill her and get it over with when she suddenly heard a cry before the man that was choking the life out of her was off of her and she could breathe again.

Joss gasped in air as she rolled onto her side and gagged as she drew in much needed air into her lungs. She grabbed at her neck that still felt constricted from the tight pressure the man had on her as she coughed and sucked in deep breaths. Her body ached from the beating she had taken but her body was more focused on taking in as much air as possible. She looked up, looking through watery eyes, and watched a homeless man kicking the four punks' asses. It was four dumbasses on one man who had a bottle of Jack hanging out of his long dirty brown trench-coat.

She almost forgot nearly being strangled to an early grave because she was watching the bum fight. His fighting was skilled and elegant, which screamed he had extensive training. She had seen skills that matched the bum's and those had been by expert military trained men who were in Special Forces and or Delta. The high-up military, the kind that only a few were chosen for and were hand selected, and it appeared her homeless savior had once upon a time been exactly that. If she wasn't so enraptured by his graceful fighting and wondering which military branch he had been in she would have offered to help him kick their asses. But her body still felt shaky and weak from the lack of air and well and he didn't exactly look like he needed anyone's help to bring these jokers down. He yanked the one black man's arm out of the socket easily, earning a screeching scream as the kid fell to the ground writhing as he held his shoulder, and she heard sirens off in the distance. Thank god the girl heeded her advice and called for help.

Her bum ducked a blow, upper cutting one and she cringed at the sound it made knowing he just broke teeth and possibly a jaw which dropped the white scrawny boy with far too many tattoos that made him look ridiculous, without much effort. The bum had only two left, finally the one she nearly castrated got to his feet but he didn't remain their long because the bum placed a precisely placed punch that knocked the guy out cold within five seconds of him standing. Her homeless man turned his attention on the last one and the chicken shit was about to turn, tucking his tail between his legs, and run. But the bum wasn't having any of it. He lunged forward wrapping an elbow around the boy's neck in a sleeper hold which he kept applied until the kid went slack in his hold and he dropped him down mercilessly on the ground.

Joss continued to drag in ragged breaths as she glanced around the carnage before her. Two of the four men were whimpering as one rolled, grabbing his shoulder, the other was crying as he held his face. And the other two were unconscious. She watched her homeless savior turn to look at her, not even breathing hard, and the sirens were getting closer and closer. Her breath hitched as her eyes got caught on this man's intense pale blue eyes that nearly glowed in the dark night.

"Are you alright?"

His voice was soft, not trace of a slur from the alcohol, and she stared into those piercing sad blue eyes he had. "Fine." she croaked as she got to her feet, forcing herself to ignore the lightheadedness. She glanced up after she stood and saw her homeless savior turning to leave. "Hold it, I'm a cop and I need to take your statement of what you witnessed and…!" she demanded, sounding like a frog still, and annoyed because the man wasn't listening as he continued to walk away. She was left to stand there making sure the four men that nearly raped the girl and strangled her to death didn't get away. She could still feel the imprints of fingers around her neck cutting off her oxygen.

Joss watched in aggravation as the hobo rounded the corner, tugging the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels out of his pocket, and fled from her view unhurriedly. Her eyes strayed to the four men and each one of them was down for at least the time being, she could try to convince the man to come back. Joss rushed to the mouth of the alley and found her bum had disappeared just as the cops arrived.

Officers Dell and Johnson were out of the squad car first. "You alright, Carter?" they both barked, eyeing her neck.

"I'm fine, where's the girl?" she demanded.

Dell motioned back at the other intersection and she glanced seeing another squad car with lights on, two officers out, and were near a woman who they wrapped a blanket around. "She's with Officers Stewart and Henderson, she's safe. She said a woman intervened for her and was outnumbered. Carter, are you sure you're alright?" Dell asked.

She waved off his concern. "As I said, I'm fine. A few of them (pointing to the gang bangers) need to head to the hospital, I had my own savior intervene, but he all but disappeared. Did you guys see a bum leave this alleyway as you drove up?" she demanded. They shook their heads. "He just left though, like less than a minute ago." she said as she looked around. And glared at the building to the right seeing there were shadows he could have used to keep out of sight. Joss pointed at the men. "Stay with them." she ordered as she took off running. There was another alley just after the big brown bricked building he must have used as cover and when she got to the mouth of it she saw her homeless man turn to the left on the other side and there was no way she could catch him. She made a face as she whirled around to walk back to the crime scene.

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AN: *sigh* See my muse is evil. And these first few chapters are all in Carter's pov too. I hope you guys are up for simultaneous stories because Followed By Marriage will be coming in a bit too.

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: Thank you all for the positive feedback for this AU of their meeting. A lot of your brought up great questions and they'll be answered as this goes. XOXOXOXOXOXOX**_

 _ **Just a tiny reminder this is in Carter's pov again :)**_

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She felt like she had been run over by a Mack truck last night. Joss gingerly sat up in bed after smacking her alarm clock as it rang. She glanced at the atrocious thing seeing it was 7:03 in the morning, much too early to be up since she went to bed after four in the morning. But there was no rest for the wicked and she had to catch them, even if she had nearly gotten strangled to death last night. The hour and a half she was stuck in the hospital being checked out for concussion and getting her minor gash on her forehead checked out annoyed her more than being strangled. She was fine, the doctor knew she was fine, but still he wanted to keep her there overnight for observation but relented when she crabbed him into caving.

Two of the four men were taken to the hospital where one was treated for a dislocated shoulder and the other for a dislocated jaw who also needed twenty stitches in his mouth. Then they were transported to jail to be booked with the other two jokers. The one boy who was close to raping the girl was charged with attempt to rape and assault and battery of a police officer which was a felony with a jail sentence of two years at the minimum, the other two were charged with just the assault and battery of a police officer, and the bastard that nearly choked her to death was given attempted murder which would likely be pled down. At least with the help of her bum kicking their asses, the four got their just desserts, the prosecutor was going to go for the lengthiest time in jail since the four thugs had rap sheets bigger than her precinct.

Her bum.

The one that had eyes that were mesmerizing. She couldn't forget them, they were burned into her because as she closed her eyes she could see them in her mind's eye. They had been utterly sad, filled with a pain she couldn't understand, and he looked…lost. But more importantly she knew a man that was on the edge, she'd worked with a few veterans that had severe depression and PTSD who had the same look before they tried to kill themselves. She lost one but she saved the others. And this one she _needed_ to save.

Maybe she could get him into the rehab program that she worked with that was specifically for veterans. He was clearly former military, who was in some desperate need, and she wasn't going to let him slip through the cracks. He fought for their country, putting his life on the line, so it was only right that their country supported him in his time of need. And if they didn't, then she would herself. She didn't take it lightly that had he not showed up last night, there was no telling if she would be here to go downstairs and see her son again.

Joss pushed thoughts of her homeless savior away for later as she climbed out of bed. She took a quick shower, got dressed and ready for work in less than fifteen minutes and took the stairs slowly because her body was still sore. Her boy was seated at the table eating cereal, dressed for school. "Good morning, mom," he greeted without looking up just yet. She had seen the bruises on her neck, deciding to not apply makeup to them because it would just be too time consuming. Plus her son deserved to know what happened last night even though she knew he would be upset by it.

She smiled dropping a kiss on his head. "Good morning, Taylor, sleep well?" she asked as she opened the fridge knowing how worried her kid was for the upcoming test he had.

"Surprisingly yea."

She nodded as she poured herself some orange juice, deciding to grab coffee and a sandwich at some fast food shop on the way to work. "You're going to ace that test, so there's no need to worry," she agreed before turning around finally.

"How was seeing Toni?" he asked and finally glanced up. She watched as his eyes widened as he eyed her neck and the gash on her forehead. "Oh my god, mom, what happened?" he demanded, sliding out of his chair.

She swallowed some orange juice. "I'm fine, honey," she assured him as he rushed to hug her. She patted his back as she hugged him back. "I stopped a girl from being raped after I had drinks with Toni. The girl is alright, the thugs attacked me but I had my own savior," she said quietly in her son's ear.

He stepped back eyeing the bruises around her neck. "Those look painful, mom."

"They are a little bit, I won't lie, but I'd rather this than the alternative, that girl being raped and killed."

He nodded. "You're right, I just don't want to lose you, mom."

She smiled as rubbed his cheek. "You don't have to worry about that, not yet at least, because I have no plans of leaving you, baby."

"So who helped you?" he asked as he slowly sat back down to eat his forgotten breakfast.

She eyed him. "Some homeless man that appeared from the shadows and disappeared as quickly. I think he's former military though with the way he dropped the four thugs."

"I'm glad because they deserved to have their asses kicked for hurting you and that girl."

She nodded. "Yea well, I didn't even get to thank him properly, which I'm going to fix. I'm going to find him because, baby, he looks done with life and that worries me," she admitted as she took another sip of orange juice. "I could see it in his eyes and he had this sadness that radiated from him."

"If there is anyone that can help him, it's you, mom."

She smiled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Her son's eyes strayed back to her bruises. "I don't like you being alone, when are you going to get a new partner?"

She shrugged. "Whenever they can find a replacement good enough for homicide, but its okay, sweetheart, you know me, I can take care of myself." she said as she reached her fist out for him to bump. "Do you want a ride to school?"

He shook his head. "No, I just was going to take the subway to school this morning."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, I already texted a friend and he's coming with me."

"Give Ty my love," she said.

He chuckled. "No can do mom, he'll think that's a declaration of love." she snorted with laughter. She rinsed the now empty glass she held in her hand before resting it on the side of the sink to wash later and strode to her son, dropping another kiss on his head.

"I guess then I should head to work, text me when you get to school safe."

"I will, be careful, mom."

"I will, baby," and with that she turned and exited her home, needing to really go get that cup of Joe she was in desperate need of.

* * *

Joss entered the precinct with coffee in one hand and keys in the other. Friends, colleagues, and strangers all eyed her neck. The dark purple bruises were clearly fingerprints and she ignored the staring gazes as she slid into her desk chair, flinging her keys onto the desk before taking a sip of her coffee. She had some work to do on her cases, then she'd focus on finding the bum that saved her, and she would find him, no matter what.

Joss set her coffee down as she turned her computer on and felt a presence at her desk; she looked up, finding Kane standing there with a sympathetic look on his face. "Maybe you should take a day or two off," he suggested.

"Maybe you should mind your own business," Joss suggested instead.

"I'm just saying it's not every day you nearly get choked to death, Carter, and the captain wouldn't be upset if you took a personal day."

She shook her head. "Nah, I'm fine, but can you do me a favor?"

He nodded. "Name it."

"Can you send in a request for any camera footage that is within a block north and east of the corner of Canal Street and Centre Street where the near rape and my beating took place? I need to call to get footage from the subway terminal of all the cars spanning from seven in the evening and ten at night and compile a list of all homeless encampments in the local area."

"Looking for your bum that saved you? It's not necessary, the prosecutor says it's a slam dunk with yours and that girl's testimony, plus the footage from Canal and Centre."

"Will you help me or not?" she demanded her friend. Finding her bum wasn't about the case of her being attacked because finding him was for personal reasons.

"Of course I will. And I'll help you compile that list of homeless encampments because there are a ton of them in the local area," he said sincerely.

She smiled a little. "Thanks, Kane, I appreciate it."

"No thanks necessary, Carter." he said with a smile before turning around to walk to go get her requested footage.

Her desk phone rang and she immediately answered it. "Carter," she barked.

"Hey, Carter," the jovial and warm greeting of a man answered immediately.

She smiled happily. "Hey Curtis, please tell me some good news so I can close the Hawthorne case?" she cajoled. Danielle Hawthorne was just a twenty-two year old woman who was murdered in what appeared to be a love-tri gone wrong. The two suspects were the boys that claimed to be in love with her, the current boyfriend Beau McMahon and the mysterious ex-boyfriend Ryan Rivera that she finally got Danielle's friends to spill about. And her prime suspect was Ryan because of the mounting circumstantial evidence against him, but what she needed was physical evidence that would link him to the crime. There was DNA found underneath Danielle's nails as she fought with her attacker, which she sent his DNA to Curtis in the lab for analysis.

"Well if the good news is that Ryan Rivera's DNA was a 100% match then you got it."

"I love you." she said and he laughed. "No sincerely, I love you. Now I can give Danielle Hawthorne's parents the good news that I got her killer." Terney and Rickett were on stakeout duty on Rivera which meant she could call off the other detectives who were watching Beau McMahon.

"The paperwork is all ready for you when you need it for the arrest warrant."

"Thanks again, Curtis." she said as she hung up. Well at least some things were going her way with the fact that she closed the Hawthorne case, and she had Kane helping her track down her bum…so far this morning was a very productive and good day. Hopefully it would remain that way when she reviewed the tapes to find her bum.

* * *

So far this day sucked!

After her initial luck in the morning it had gone sideways real quick. After she went to court to see the judge to get the arrest warrant, she had showed up to arrest Rivera with Terney and Rickett which had been the last time a good thing happened. Because she promptly headed back to the precinct to start her search for her bum and while Kane had gone out to go get all the requested tapes for her while she had called the subway terminal to request the necessary tapes for the night in question. They complied but wouldn't have the tapes for her until at least a few days which was not what she wanted. She wanted to find him now, not days from now. She had impatiently waited for Kane's return with starting to do research on the homeless encampments in the area and realized with dismay Kane had been right; there were a lot, which meant finding her bum was going to be a damn needle in the haystack.

Which brought her to what she was currently doing right now, looking through the tapes that Kane just brought her (most store owners happily obliged to help) and would finish the list of encampments later tonight at home or tomorrow. Maybe if she could find him on these tapes she could narrow down which encampments she needed to visit. But she realized quickly as she inserted tape after tape, watching the footage, her bum had carefully remained hidden from the street cameras.

Joss frowned as she rolled her shoulders, angrily stopping the disc from playing and ejected it from the player. So far this yielded nothing except butkus…well, minus the headache she now had. She sighed as she sat down on the chair near the television and dvd player. This wasn't going as planned. But she wasn't discouraged, actually she was furthest from discouraged from finding her bum, instead she felt even more determined to find him now. And she felt like she was on a timed circuit because who knew when her homeless savior decided he had had enough.

She closed her eyes as she yawned and those eyes flashed through her brain and she immediately opened hers. His eyes haunted her and not just from the sadness that nearly made her sag under the weight of his despair. But because they had been so vividly blue, they spoke to her on a level she wasn't entirely comfortable with but she ignored the implications and preferred to focus on saving the man then what his eyes did to her.

"Any luck, Carter?" she blinked as she turned to look at Kane, who had his coat on looking ready to leave. She grimaced as she eyed her watch. She needed to head home too. Her kid would be home and she wanted to make them some chicken fajitas for dinner.

She shook her head as she stood to gather up the tapes. "No, none so far, but I'm taking these home with me, and my list for those encampments." she admitted. "I need to find this guy," she muttered more to herself than Kane.

"If anyone can find him it's definitely you, Carter," Kane said. "You're like a rabid dog when it comes to finding someone."

She chuckled as she carried the tapes to her desk so she could tug on her suit blazer. She needed to go grab her jacket from the closet. "I take that as a compliment."

"You rightly should, Carter, you show up everyone here, me included," he said as he offered to hold the tapes for her as she grabbed her jacket.

"You're a good cop and friend, Kane," she said as she took the tapes back after putting her jacket on. They walked together towards the double doors that led out of the bullpen.

"Thanks Carter, I appreciate that coming from someone who's well respected. Tell Taylor I said hi."

She smiled. "I will and tell your wife and cute baby girl I said hi."

He nodded. "Will do, Toni hopes to see you again sooner than this last time." She nodded her head thinking the same thing as they parted the moment they exited the precinct to head to their respective parked cars. Joss climbed into her car ignoring the few lingering pangs of aches she had, delicately sliding the tapes down on the passenger seat. After dinner with her son she had tapes to go through and hopefully find a thread to locate her bum.

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AN: Okay so I've been forgetting to give little spoilers on my other stories so I'll give tiny ones for this one. Carter's search for her bum yields results, which is all I will say ;D

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: This is because you guys are waiting patiently for Joss to find John, I couldn't keep you guys waiting around too long for this chapter for her to get some answers as to where he is ;D**_

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She was tired. Joss had stayed up late going through the last of the tapes and furthering her research on all the homeless encampments in the local area that was close to where the rape nearly took place. There were more than she figured and she had gone to work at visiting those first, praying her guy was at one of them.

Joss had gone to three and her bum wasn't at any of them. She knew she could pick him out because hers was unique, which was crazy because she seen about a hundred homeless men with the same beard and tattered clothes. But still she knew she would be able to spot him like he was her very own personal Where's Waldo. She felt a heavy dose of failure as she struck out time after time after time, which sent her to the precinct to do more research. And luck was on her side because when she entered the bullpen she could see a small collection of discs on her desk which were the tapes from the subway. She silently said a 'thank you' for them being quick about it because those would maybe help track her guy down. The problem was there were a ton of tapes to go through because there were so many cars that her bum could have possibly been on. That is even if he took the subway, he could have just walked from a close by encampment that she hadn't gone to yet. But she was covering her bases just in case.

Joss slid her pantsuit blazer off, immediately grabbing several of the tapes and headed to the television that was in the corner, time to get started there was no point in wasting time. She grabbed a nearby chair, pulled it over, and got to work watching the tapes.

Two hours and thirty six minutes had passed and tape after tape didn't have her guy. She had seen enough hipsters, preppy boys, punks, and slutty women though to last a lifetime. She was glad her son only used the subway during the mornings and afternoons. But then she struck gold because she finally found him. She pressed pause immediately, pausing the frame as it had a three second delay before flicking to the other corner of the subway car he was in. "That's him! That's my guy, now I just have to find you," she murmured to herself as she felt renewed with hope as she eyed her bum with his head downcast, looking so alone. She pressed the eject button and found the tape was for the J car.

She carried the disc back to her desk and immediately perused the log that the subway terminal included. She began leafing through the packet looking for the log for the J car. Joss slid into her desk chair finding it and read through the page. She sat back. The J car let off near Canal but picked up in the Upper East Side. Why would her bum need to take a subway train from Upper East Side to lower Manhattan?

A sudden and sad thought flickered through her brain. Canal was somewhat close to the Brooklyn Bridge it would be a fifteen minute walk, was it possible her bum had been thinking about taking a walk that he wouldn't return from? And the more she thought about his eyes, the more it sounded plausible, and the more it sounded probable.

Joss glanced up and saw Kane at his desk and she immediately got up. She hurried over to him where he sat on the other side of the bullpen from her. "Hey Kane, can I ask for another favor?"

"Anything for you Carter," he said in answer as he looked up.

"I think I might have narrowed down my search for my bum."

"You found him in the tapes?"

She nodded. "Not the street footage he played ghost but the subway terminal got me the tapes quickly and I found him on those. He was on the J car which picks up in Upper East Side, so it's possible he lives in one of those encampments somewhere up there. Can you help me look for any encampments within a twenty to twenty-five mile radius of it?"

"You think your bum would walk that far to head to the subway?"

Joss nodded her head. "If he was determined enough." she said quietly. "I need to find him, will you help me?"

"Of course, Carter, let me finish up these time slips first."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

Joss was hungry and her feet were aching. She had gone to her fourth of her six encampments that were within a twenty-five mile radius of the Upper East Side and she still hadn't found him yet. Joss had entered each one of the four hopeful it would be the one and her wish had been quickly dashed. All the encampments were the same, abandoned buildings that the homeless sought refuge from the harsh winters. They didn't offer much of warmth except for the large empty bins they fill with newspaper to burn for heat but they were out of the elements. As she entered each encampment she found the same sort of people in there and she felt dismayed by the staggering number of homeless men and women there were. It saddened her.

She remained in her car and called her son. He answered on the third ring. "Hey mom."

"I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"Of course not, b-ball practice just ended and I'm heading to Ty's place for a little bit but I'll be home by dinnertime. I promise."

She smiled. "I know you will, you're a good boy."

"Is there a reason you called, mom?"

She leaned her head against the headrest and sighed a little. "Not really, I just wanted to hear your voice; you always put a smile on my face, baby. I've been going to these homeless encampments and they just remind me to never take what I have for granted, and I just wanted to talk to my favorite man."

"Mom you never take what you have for granted, neither do I. I know there are people out there less fortunate and in need of help, its why we deliver Meals on Wheels for the elderly once a week. You carve out enough time during your busy schedule to bring smiles to the elderly faces that we see. Then you volunteer your time at that rehab center for veterans, you even saved a few of them from committing suicide just because you talked to them."

"I know, it just feels like not enough sometimes," she said as her eyes drew to the encampment she was sitting outside of in her warm and running car, while they sat in that cold abandoned building with broken windows with only bins for heat.

"You're only human, mom," he said with a laugh. "You want to help as many people as you can, it's one of the many things I love about you."

"I love you, little man."

"I love you too, mom."

"Alright, I'll see you later, Taylor."

"Bye, mom," he said before he hung up and she sucked it up as she opened the door to walk into yet another encampment. It was still cold for early April and she cinched her long wool coat around her petite frame more tightly to ward off the bitter breeze. She paused momentarily on the threshold of the encampment before she entered.

This was just like the other ones she visited, just bigger, and a lot more homeless were inside it. It had a stale scent of body odor which she was accustomed to by now from the amount of these she had gone to today. Her searching gaze found several men huddled around a blue steel bin that had a roaring fire going. But she merely glanced at them, noting they weren't who she was looking for, and her searching eyes went on as she focused on looking for her guy. Joss knew she'd be able to find him in a sea of bearded men with long hair and beige coats. Her guy had eyes that were heart-stopping and unforgettable.

She walked further in to look around a large pole that held the ceiling up and her penetrating sweeping gaze focused sharply on a man sitting alone on a bench.

Joss's heart thundered as she squinted a little harder at the man and stopped mid-stride. She found him, her guy, he was sitting alone with his head down a little and eyes either closed or staring at the floor.

As her initial surprise faded, determination grew. "Got you," she murmured as she strode purposely towards him.

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AN: End scene. Is it cruel to end a chapter here, maybe, but in an author's perspective it's the perfect place. Well, I promise not to make you guys wait too long (probably Saturday sometime) for their face to face convo. And since you guys know they'll be speaking, I think no hint is needed ;D

Thanks for reading XOXOXOX


	4. Chapter 4

Joss passed several homeless men and women who watched her wordlessly and none of them asked for a single dime. She saw a woman standing near a cart tracking her, but she ignored the redhead as she sat down beside her guy and he didn't even react to the subtle groan the bench made as she sat down. She eyed his profile for several moments, just grateful he was still alive. Something must have stopped him from what this man had most likely set out to do the night he saved her. Because no other explanation she could come up with explained why he took a subway all the way to Canal when this was the encampment he chose to stay at.

The silence between them was deafening and she couldn't take it any longer. "Did you really think I wouldn't find you?" she questioned as a way of a greeting. Her bum didn't lift his gaze or even acknowledge her presence. "I wouldn't be a very good detective if I couldn't find you."

She didn't get any reaction. He remained silent and his eyes remained downcast. Joss looked around and leaned forward on her forearms so she could see his face a little bit. However it was his eyes she truly wanted to see again. "You never gave me your name." she said gently.

That did get a response because he lifted his head, turning towards her, gripping her with his same unforgettable and intensely sad blue eyes. "Seems like the only time you need a name now is if you're in trouble, so am I in trouble?" he asked. She didn't comment on the fact that his breath smelled like alcohol and it was only one in the afternoon.

"You tell me, you're the one living on the street." she responded. He was quiet and her eyes searched his, trying to find anything in them besides the overwhelming pain that laid bare in them. When he didn't do anything she switched topics, hoping to get a response. "I wanted to thank you for saving my life," she said sincerely and he didn't even blink an eye. "And I want to return the favor."

"You think I need saving," he murmured.

She didn't respond to the bait, that yes he sure the hell did. "From the way you fought with those four dumb-asses I'd say you spent time in the service, but you don't learn to fight the way you did in the regular army. So I'd say you were Special Forces or Delta. I was in the service myself, seen a lot of guys that got lost and just needed some help."

His eyes bored into her, but before she continued, he spoke first. "And then there are those who did evil things, they are the real monsters that lurk in the shadows and don't deserve any _help_ , tell me detective which do you suppose I am?" he wondered and the way he said 'help' told her he figured her out.

Joss eyed her hobo. Guilt was ridden across his face, while his haunting blue eyes weren't masking the pain he was in. They hadn't the night he helped her and they sure the hell weren't now. Joss felt like she was suffocating just staring into his eyes, he looked like a man that was broken and had no use for life anymore. She wondered if this man realized his eyes gave his secrets away. He felt like he was evil, some sort of monster, but she looked in the eyes of true evil and they didn't look like this man. If this man was truly the monster he believed himself to be then he wouldn't have saved her life. He would have let that man strangle her to death because what concern was it to a homeless man that was a monster who was on the verge of suicide?

"The former," she answered and she could tell she surprised him with the answer.

Her bum looked away. "You don't even know who I am," he said quietly. "But you've thanked me, now it's time you should go, Detective," he suggested.

She smiled. "That not so subtle hint to get me to go isn't going to work. I still don't have your name."

He exhaled. "John."

She snorted. "Sure it is, and my name is Tootie Ramsey."

Joss smiled when she was surprised with a soft half laugh that escaped him, which seemed to surprise him too, before it was gone and his expression was blank once more. "It's John," he said quietly.

Joss believed him this time. "My name is Joss Carter."

He nodded before he looked at her. "Now that you know my name, you can go."

"I want to help you."

"I don't want your help," he said dismissively.

Joss opened her mouth to tell him that it was too damn bad because he was going to receive her help whether or not he wanted it, but she felt another presence by them. She glanced up and saw the woman with the cart, reddish tinted hair, and a bubbled blue coat standing directly in front of them. Her green eyes were mistrusting.

"John is she bothering you?" the woman asked, eyeing her but directing her question to the man beside her.

She glanced at John who looked up and gave a ghost of a smile to the woman with the cart. "No Joan, she's not bothering me." Joss resisted a snort because had she been she was sure John could most certainly handle himself against her and didn't need the cart Queen for backup.

The woman still eyed her with a mistrusting look. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he assured softly.

The woman nodded as she slowly walked away with her cart. Joss glanced at John. "She seems…protective."

"Joan is a good woman, but just don't ever touch what's in her cart."

Joss nodded. "Wouldn't dream of it," she reassured him and she thought she saw his lips try to twitch up into a smile but didn't make it. They fell into silence and she realized he was going to ignore her in hopes that she'd leave. Fat chance. But before she had the chance to him that much her cell phone buzzed with a text. She glanced at him as she distractedly tugged it out, seeing it was from the captain requesting her presence at the precinct. She frowned. "I have to go," she admitted reluctantly.

"Goodbye, Detective," he said. And the way he said it, it made it sound so final.

Joss shook her head as she stood up, noting he didn't look at her. "It's not goodbye John," she countered and that did earn her a look. He glanced up at her, this time his eyes were a shuddered mask, and she smiled. "It's merely a 'see you later,' because I'll be back tomorrow," she stated. She reached out touching his hand and he flinched under her gentle touch making her wonder when was the last time he felt such a touch. But she didn't dare ask. His skin felt soft and smooth, it was nice, and she dropped her hand away from his when she deemed it creepy to continue touching his hand. He didn't know her from Adam.

Joss forced herself to turn and walk away from him, which seemed to take all her willpower inside her to do. She didn't want to leave him here. She had a stupid impulsive wish to take him home with her and it was insane because as much as he didn't know her from Adam, she didn't know him either. But she knew for damn sure one thing; he needed saving and it was only fair she was the one to do it since he saved her first.

She looked over her shoulder at him, seeing he had gone back to looking down at the floor looking like a lost puppy or something. She sighed and she turned to look back where she was walking and nearly jumped out of her skin, stopping abruptly because the cart lady (John had called her Joan) was standing there blocking her path to the exit.

Joss grabbed her chest. "You nearly gave me a heart attack," she said and the woman smirked.

Her smirk dissolved into concern. "Why were you here talking with John?" the woman asked.

Joss crossed her arms across her chest. "Why is that any of your business?" she asked instead. First she got some answers and then maybe she'd reciprocate.

It seemed she and Joan were in a standoff for a few moments because the woman clearly looked unwilling to share but then shrugged. "I'm taking care of him."

That sounded vague at best. "And what does 'taking care of him' entail, Joan?"

"You speak like a cop," she commented dryly.

Joss harrumphed. "That's because I am a cop. He helped me, he saved my life and I kind of want to return the favor," she said in a way of answering the woman's question as she pointed to her bruises around her neck and the woman's green eyes looked at her neck before looking back into her eyes. "If you're worried if I'm here on official business, I'm not. I am here because I want to be here for him," she said sincerely.

The answer must have satisfied this Joan because her stiff posture relaxed. "I found him one afternoon wandering around the streets of New York alone, muttering to himself that he was too late and she was gone. People were staring at him because they thought he was mentally disturbed, but he just looked devastated to me. But most people allow looks to deceive them, I don't. John was staggering and had a bloodied shirt on. I had a little money, got him a new shirt, and got him to follow me. I brought him here with me when the winter got too cold to be out in the elements," the woman explained.

Her phone buzzed with another text which most likely was from the captain asking where she was, but she ignored it. She'd take the ass chewing for being late, for more answers about John. "How long have you been taking care of him?"

She shrugged. "A few months, I'd say. I make sure he eats and drinks something besides alcohol all the time. Somehow he'll get money and buy me and the others food and water, but nothing for himself except for his Jack."

Joss frowned. How was he getting money? But she shelved that for figuring out later, or asking him point blank when she came back. And she was coming back tomorrow and the next day and the day after that until the end of time until she helped this man.

She smiled. "Thank you Joan, I appreciate the info."

She nodded. "I only ask of you, cop lady, that if you are only going to cause him more pain, maybe its best you leave him be and let him live out his life the way he wants to."

Joss shook her head. "I'm sorry I can't do that, I think John has had too many people 'leave him be' as you said, and I can't. Sometimes all a person needs is someone to believe in them," she murmured with a soft smile as her eyes drifted back to the man in question who was still looking down, before looking back at Joan. "I'll be seeing you again, Joan." she assured her as she sidestepped the woman and exited the homeless encampment without another word as she was lost in thought.

* * *

AN: Okay, can I say I hate how we never have gotten a single flashback of John's time being homeless. When Joan was introduced in Risk(I think that's the episode title) I was hoping to see flashbacks of how she took care of him. John eyed her warmly at the end of the episode. I get that the fake beard is a bitch applying to Jim's face but seriously that is a whole part of his life that's missing. Sigh. Just another thing to add to my list of irritating things the show has forgotten about. So I added some Joan to this, plus a little backstory to her as well. Hope you guys don't mind.

In the next chapter, John reflects on Joss ;D

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	5. Chapter 5

When Joss had finally managed to make it to the precinct the captain had been impatient because he handed her a priority homicide that happened on Lafayette and Howard Street. While she drove there her mind was on her bum…John, deciding the name fit him. He kept to himself, he wasn't flashy, and that was kind of the name. Although when she went to go visit him tomorrow she needed to have a different approach figured out. He hadn't been exactly jumping for joy at the prospect of her helping him, though she kind of figured that would happen. Most men and women who fell on hard times were proud individuals who would not ask for a single thing to be handed to them. But her worry was that John was running out of time because he had lost hope. In what, she wasn't sure; humanity, himself, a combination of both, or everything in between?

But whatever it took to help that man she was going to do.

Joss resolutely forced thoughts of that man away as she pulled up to the crime scene. It was littered with black and whites, a fire truck, and the coroner's truck. She saw Curtis taking photos. She climbed out of her car and headed straight over to him.

"What do we have, Curt?"

He looked up and smiled. "Hey Carter, you caught this one?"

"Yep, Captain gave it to me. So who and what?"

He motioned to the black male on the ground. "John Doe, no I.D. on him. He was shot a total of three times; once in the back of the head and twice in the back." he said and she eyed the body. There was no way in hell he would be laying on his back if he was shot in the back. He would be on his stomach, so the body had to have been moved.

"He was dumped here," she murmured, eyeing the body. He looked a tad older than her son and she immediately shut the maternal part of her down.

Curtis nodded. "Preliminary T-O-D is six hours ago," he said taking another photo of the body. "I did manage to find carpet fibers imbedded into the skin; I'll have them analyzed but mostly likely it came from the vehicle he was transported in."

She nodded her head in agreement. "Anything else found on the body that's of interest?"

He shook his head. "Not yet, but I'll do a more thorough examination of his body once I get him back to my office. I should know more for you in the morning."

"Any witnesses?" she asked.

Curtis nodded to where Officer Dell was talking to a couple of people. One was a woman in a pantsuit, and the other held a broom and stood near a deli market. "A couple, they are waiting for you." he commented and she nodded. She glanced at where the body was located and where the nearby cameras were, sighing, whoever dumped him probably wouldn't be seen.

Joss turned and headed towards the witnesses who were now even more necessary than just thirty seconds ago. Maybe if they saw the car or license plate she could maybe find it getting away on some nearby camera footage, and find their culprit.

She held up her badge to the witnesses as she approached Dell and the two civilians. "I'm Detective Carter and I'm investigating the death of the John Doe. Who found the body?"

"I did." the lady in the Hillary-suit said.

"And you would be?"

"I'm Rachel Jarvis."

She smiled to put the woman at ease, noting the small tremble in her voice clearly shaken up over what happened. "Okay, Ms. Jarvis, tell me what you saw?"

"I was walking down the street and found the body." she said and Joss cocked a brow.

"That's it. The body was already lying there on this somewhat busy street when you walked up?" she asked not even trying to color her disbelief in that statement and noticed a little twitch under her eye before she tucked her brown hair behind her ear.

"Yes," her reply was timid at best.

Joss angled her body to fully and directly focus her attention on her, pinning her with a hard gaze. "So you didn't see anything else, you didn't see anyone dumping that body?"

Another twitch, "No."

"I see."

Joss didn't believe a damn word this woman said but turned her gaze onto the next witness, the store owner. This was a guy she wouldn't want to see in a dark alley. He was like 300 pounds, bald headed, had a goatee and looked pissed off with a scowl seemingly permanently etched on his face. She wondered if he moonlighted as a bouncer when he wasn't working a deli market.

She glanced at the store behind him for the name. "Are the owner of Mel's Deli?"

He shook his head. "Not the owner, my brother is and I was filling in for him because he was sick."

Ah, so he could be a bouncer. "Okay, what's your name?"

"You can call me Roc," he answered as he smiled at her and he still looked pissed off.

She smiled in return. "Alright Roc, can you tell me what you saw?"

He shrugged. "Not much, I heard this woman scream and I ran out and that's when I saw the body and the sound of tires squealing. I called 911 and that was about it." he said and she believed him. He was straight forward, looked her in the eye, and was concise. He hadn't seen squat.

But the woman, now she was a different story as Joss looked at her. "Ms. Jarvis, I think you saw more than you're letting on."

The twitch was back. "I-I didn't, Detective."

"Are you sure, because I've been a detective for a while now and I got a good strong sense that you're lying to me? I think you're scared," Joss said and the woman hitched her purse closer to her body and she looked a little pale.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you."

"It's not me you're not helping it's that boy's parents because he looks only a few years older than my son and my son is fifteen, so I'd say that boy is about seventeen. And there is a mother out there whose son won't be coming home tonight, _that_ is who you're not helping," Joss said. Sometimes preying on the witnesses' consciences got to those who were afraid to speak. It seemed to be working on this one already, because she could easily read the guilt twinging the woman's face.

After a few moments of her just staring at the woman, she sighed, and this time when she spoke the twitch was gone. "I saw the car," she whispered.

Joss nodded, motioning at Dell to jot it down. "Ms. Jarvis, it's alright to be scared but please tell me what you saw so I can help bring this boy's killer to justice for his mother," she pleaded, just needing to do one more arm twist and she was sure this woman would spill whatever she saw.

"It was an older model Ford Explorer, maybe early to mid 2000s, and it was dark colored, maybe blue or black, I'm not sure. The windows were tinted, I didn't get a good look at the men inside but there were a few. They opened the back driver's side door and flung the body out in front of me, laughed, and drove off. I screamed," she said and Joss felt bad for the woman because she was beginning to shake.

Joss reached out touching her elbow. "Did you manage to get a license plate number?" she asked gently.

The woman jerked her head no. "I saw a T, a 3, maybe an S but I don't know what order. I'm sorry, it happened so fast I was stunned."

Joss smiled to relax her. "It's okay, you're doing really good. I just have one more question for you, and you're done. Which way did they speed off to, Ms. Jarvis?" Joss questioned and followed the shaky finger point. As expected, the woman pointed west. She looked back at the woman. "Thank you for your help, it makes the world of difference."

"Will whoever did this come after me?" she asked suddenly.

"I doubt you have anything to worry about, I'll keep your name and gender anonymous, but I'll make sure that some police presence be around your home until I have the killer caught if you think it will help."

The woman nodded. "I would like it, please."

She nodded. "Alright, Officer Dell will get your statement and escort you home and I'll put in the request for you ASAP." she said and the woman nodded. She looked at Dell, who nodded his head and she turned to walk back to Curtis where he was finishing up on his investigation. She had a long night of investigating and getting an order for the footage of the surrounding area so she could hopefully see that older model Ford Explorer, maybe she could get lucky.

* * *

It had been a couple hours since that woman left. The one who had a gentle smile, soft voice, and was beautiful to look at and John still felt the imprint of her hand on his. He subconsciously touched his left hand where she touched him, letting his fingertips drift over his skin. He hadn't expected the touch, hadn't felt something so soft and gentle in a long time, it was an unaccustomed feeling which was not entirely unpleasant. He also hadn't expected to ever see her again because he figured she wouldn't have given him another thought. Most wouldn't care to find a homeless man regardless of being saved by him or not, she was unique.

John had been angrier at the men who attacked her because they were interfering with his desperate plans of taking that much desired walk on the Brooklyn Bridge. He had dreams of feeling the icy grips of the frigid cold water below dragging him under into the dark abyss where he could finally be at peace. That yearning had been so great it was too hard to fight and why he took the subway to go to the Brooklyn Bridge where Joan couldn't stop him, which would be quicker than drinking himself to death.

Though he could have taken the subway to get closer he had decided to get off at Canal and walk the rest of the way to the Brooklyn Bridge. He had been walking when he heard a commotion as he stealthily moved towards it. He had taken a moment to lean up against the building before the alleyway to chug some much needed alcohol to drown the desperate need to just jump in front of oncoming semi-truck. It wasn't fair to the semi-driver to assist him in his suicide. But it was while he drank his crutch to keep him going when he had caught sight of _her_ fighting back, not going down without a fight, and he had been impressed even in his inebriated and suicidal state of mind. Not many women would be able to fight back like she had but she was outmatched with 4 against 1.

If the cold-hearted bastard in him that always made Kara happy had his way he would have left her alone to her own devices because he had been taught a tough lesson time and time again; no matter what you did or didn't do, bad things happened. However instead of doing as Kara Stanton would have preached to him, an inner voice that suspiciously sounded like Jessica urged him to save her. So he listened to that voice, deciding to do something good before he died, save a life as Jesse had done so often when she was alive working as a nurse. And with that in his mind he went after the four bastards that were attacking one lone woman, stopping them from killing her, she looked him in the eyes and he felt something that he didn't understand and chalked up to being drunk. But his overwhelming need to take that walk on the bridge had receded, which he chose to believe was because of the adrenaline from helping her, not the woman herself. It had nothing to do with her big doe eyes or the fact that she had some sort of calming influence on him the immediate moment she looked him in the eyes. So he had drifted back the way he had come. And as he took the subway back to the encampment after his failed suicide attempt, he drank while he thought about the pretty woman he helped.

Joss, the beautiful woman he saved, had even a pretty name to go along with her.

She had sought him out, clearly she was a pretty good detective as he had been careful to hide in the shadows, and she wanted to even the score. But he didn't want her help, he wanted to die. The question that needed to be asked and answered was; why hadn't he just done it since? He knew too many ways to kill a human being, making it painless and quick as possible, so why was he having a hard time just ending his life? He had been so close to ending it until that moment his eyes met that woman's. Maybe drinking himself to death would be better than ending his miserable existence the easier way. He should suffer for failing Jessica, for following orders and killing innocent people and for all the wrong he ever had done. Monsters weren't allowed to have the easy way out, no, they died an agonizingly painful and slow death…and he deserved nothing less.

He angrily rubbed the spot on his hand where she touched him, feeling burned by it as it lingered still. John felt the bench make an audible groan as someone sat down beside him. He gave a sidelong glance as his heart jumped wondering if it was that Joss woman again. But it was Joan and he was surprisingly disappointed.

"So who was your friend earlier?"

He leaned back. "No one." he said quietly and Joan nodded, having gotten used to his short clipped answers and she never asked for more. She never asked for his story, never intruded. It was why he liked her.

"She seemed nice. Did you know her before you came here?"

"No," he bit out. He was glad he hadn't known her before, surely a monster such as himself wouldn't have had the luxury of having a woman such as herself deign him with her presence. No, that Joss came here under the misguided notion of helping him. If she came here tomorrow as she claimed she would, he would set her straight on that notion; he didn't want her help, he wasn't worth saving.

He took his half-drunk Jack Daniels out of his pocket. "John, maybe you should lay off of that, you drank one bottle already." He gave Joan a look before he threw back more alcohol regardless of her urging. Joan sighed as she stood up. "Get some sleep, John, you're tired." she directed and he decided to listen to her because she was right, he was tired. He hadn't slept in a long while.

He lay down on his side on the bench, holding the bottle in his hand as his eyes drifted closed. Surprisingly he wasn't plagued with thoughts of Jessica, her laugh, her smile, thoughts of what could have been with her, and his own failings. Instead his thoughts were on the beautiful detective that visited him, thanking him for saving her, wanting to save him in return, and how she brought an unsettling feeling to life inside him. It felt like she reawakened something inside him that had lain dormant for so long, the part of him that he was sure was dead, and he could not dispel it.

John let go of his bottle of Jack to tease his fingertips across the patch of skin she touched as his eyes drifted closed and slid into his first restful sleep since he learned Jessica was dead.

* * *

AN: And I just want to clarify one thing except you guys probably already noticed but still, this is taking place just before the Pilot episode and eventually I'll work my way there but you will be seeing someone from the core four soon-ish. Next chapter Joss tries to connect with John :)

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOX


	6. Chapter 6

Her morning had been busy as she had gone to the precinct to talk to Curtis about her case with the John Doe. He had run the boy's fingerprints and found out he was in the system. His name was Lamonté Daniels, eighteen, and had a minor rap sheet. He had got busted on a misdemeanor charge of vandalism at age thirteen, a couple drug possessions, and Narcotics had an eye on him hoping to flip him. She needed to speak to Detective Lamry in the Narc division later to see what he had on Daniels. Joss then had the unpleasant task of telling Daniels' mother her son was found dead, the captain was going to release the news to the media after she was notified. It was never easy delivering that sort of news and hadn't gotten any easier this time, especially when Shonda Daniels' cried in her arms.

After she left the woman's quaint little home, she texted her son that she loved him and got one back which helped. She didn't know what she'd do if she had been on the receiving end of a conversation like that. And she glanced at the homeless encampment she sat outside of. She was in a need of a pick-me-up and seeing this man, finding a way to help him was it. Her boy helped her devise a new plan at being more subtle with him.

Joss exited her car, walking to the homeless encampment, carrying what she hoped to be a way to her guy, hot coffee. She hurried into the encampment and found him in the same spot he had been in last time, eyes casted downward. She made a beeline to him, noticing she was once again noted and ignored by the others. She slid down onto the bench beside him.

"Hey, John," she said and was greeted with a sigh. "You can pretend you're annoyed all you want, but we both know you're happy to see me." Joss said trying to tease a smile out from him, she knew he could. He smiled for the cart lady! She thought she earned herself a smile but couldn't be sure because of the animal on his face. She bet it would take a decade or two off of him if he'd shave it off and cut his unruly locks. Well….not too short. She liked the curls that made themselves known with his longer hair and the gray streaks at his temples, but knowing he was ex-military, if he got a haircut, it would be brutally short.

Joss eyed him, deciding to use her in. "Besides I brought you coffee," she added with a playful lilt and moved the cup back and forth as an incentive for him to talk to her. John turned to eye her and then the coffee.

"Black?" he asked hesitantly.

She could almost hear his taste buds screaming for the cup. "Figured you liked it that way," she admitted. He looked like he wanted to say no, but the allure was too great even for this proud man as he reached out to grab the cup and their fingers brushed. Joss nearly dropped the hot coffee in his lap at the heat his touch induced. What the hell was the matter with her? Was she that hard up for a guy that she was lusting after a man in need? She blamed lack of sex for her reaction to his brief touch, she definitely needed to get out more.

She watched as he took a long sip of it and closed his eyes. She grinned. "Good I take it?"

"Mmm," he agreed before he swallowed. "I forgot how much I've missed coffee," he admitted quietly.

She wanted to point out that was because all he did was drink alcohol but kept her mouth shut. She didn't need to alienate him when she was trying to help him; her slow approach was yielding some results because he took the coffee and was talking with her. Taylor had been right, build a rapport with him, start with something small and gradually work her way up to getting him clothes, a place to stay, a job, and the whole enchilada.

"I bet," she said as she sipped her own.

"So, detective, is this the new strategy you have for helping me?" he wondered quietly.

She shrugged. "Not really, I just brought you coffee because I was getting myself one," she lied smoothly.

He chuckled. "You're not a very good liar, Joss," and the way her name rolled off his tongue was low, throaty, a hint of a breathless quality, and damned sexy.

"Alright, you caught me. Yes, the coffee was meant to be an icebreaker," she admitted. "My son actually suggested I'd start off small because he pointed out subtly is not one of my strong suits," she said and managed to earn herself a small smile on his face that lasted mere seconds before it was gone. She felt immensely pleased with herself at the moment. Taylor's suggestion of chipping away slowly at a man who was more guarded than Alcatraz was working, better than her lousy first attempt.

He tilted his head. "You have a son?" he sounded cautiously curious and she would take any conversation starter at this point. This man kept shutting her down before she even got started.

She nodded. "He's fifteen and he's a really good boy; has good grades, decent friends, and a good head on his shoulders. His name is Taylor."

His eyes drifted off of hers. "Sounds like you're proud of him."

"Oh I am, he might be big now but he'll forever be my little man." she said smiling just thinking about him. "He had a tough life because his father was like me, military, but his dad saw action that traumatized him. Taylor sees his dad sparingly and during supervised visitations. Paul is trying his damnedest at cleaning up his act for him."

"I take it then you and Mr. Carter are divorced then."

She smiled at the fact that he remembered her last name which meant he listened. "Yea, I couldn't save my marriage singlehandedly, and didn't want to not when Paul was cheating on me with every hooker on the street." she said still bitter over that part of her marriage.

She had been dumb, naively believing she could save their marriage if she tried a little harder, he complained she wouldn't have sex with him more. Maybe if she tried harder than he would too. And then after the disastrous sex that hurt because she struggled to get aroused for him, couldn't come at all, she learned from him who was enraged with her that he bedded hookers on the street who were better in bed. Joss couldn't remember the amount of showers she had taken after she learned he'd slept with a hooker rather then with her, she felt used. She had gone to get testing done to make sure she didn't contract any disease from him. She had been fine but it had been an eye opening experience, thinking she might have contracted AIDs because he slept around. And she wasn't willing to forgive Paul for their failed marriage and what he did to her, but she was willing to help him be a better father to their son so that one day her son could have more than a supervised visit with him.

"Were you ever married?" Joss asked, banishing thoughts of her painful marriage away. John didn't react and she frowned. "Can't you give me something?" she demanded.

He glanced at her. "I didn't ask for you to come back."

"No you didn't, but you didn't say I shouldn't either. So in my book that's an open invitation," she pointed out, making him shake his head as he turned his head to look away as he sipped his coffee.

"You shouldn't come back," he commented after a moment.

"Why not?" she asked as she sipped her coffee.

"Because your reason for being here is misguided, you don't owe me anything for saving your life. And I don't want your help."

"Well too damn bad, because I'm going to give it whether or not you want it, John."

He glared at her. "Why don't you listen?"

She snorted. "Why don't you just accept my help?" she countered, forcing him to answer something for a change.

"I don't deserve it."

"I think you do," she argued.

"Do you argue every point with everyone, or is it just me?" he demanded.

She laughed. "I argue all the time, I even was going to be a lawyer, I even passed the bar exam. But my calling was being a cop," she admitted. "You just bring out my natural argumentative side a lot."

"Detective…"

"Joss," she insisted.

"Joss, go help someone that wants it."

"I am," she said simply, letting the implication hang, and he blinked in surprise. She had him figured out, well mostly, because she didn't know his full name, who or what he was, or anything about his past. "I've seen men who were on the verge of killing themselves before, and that night you saved me you were going to do just that. I saw it in your eyes. But something stopped you," she said softly. Joss wished it was meeting her that changed his mind but she had a feeling it was saving her that did it. Maybe John subconsciously felt he had a purpose for life which kicked in when he saved her. Though whatever the real reason for why he was still here, she was glad because she still had a chance.

He didn't respond and she got to her feet. She had to get back to work. "I'll be back tomorrow, John, I'll be seeing you," and with that she turned and left.

* * *

AN: I actually had a family friend's daughter who married a real winner who slept around with his ex girlfriend and my family friend's daughter contracted Hepatitis thanks to him. Next chapter there is some Joan/John and our girl keeps chipping away at John.

Thanks for reading :)


	7. Chapter 7

The footage that she requested of the surrounding area of where Lamonté Daniels' body was dumped was given to her the next morning. During the evening the night before she learned that the ballistics of the bullets used to kill Daniels matched to an unregistered 9MM handgun. If she could find that said gun, she would have her murderer, and she had narrowed her list of suspects down to one, thanks to Narcotics Detective Jake Lamry. From her talk with him and reviewing his notes on her victim, her suspect was Peter Mackley who was another dealer. A day before Lamonté's death, a C.I. of Lamry's had seen Daniels' selling drugs on Mackley's turf and some of Mackley's goons had tried to warn the kid off which hadn't worked. Lamonté sold the same drugs Mackley had for less, stealing customers which most likely hadn't gone over well with Mackley.

She had all of the detective's notes which included a profile he made on Mackley. From his notes he seemed to think that Mackley was a loose cannon, which might help in her murder investigation because those hot heads made more errors. If she could find the Ford Explorer and have it dusted for prints she could get lucky.

So that's what she concentrated on finding the next morning. Joss popped the best footage of where the Ford Explorer most likely turned down to flee which might yield some results in finding out the license plate. She sat down in front of the television screen starting the tape at ten minutes before the time of the 9-1-1 call came through. She sharply focused on the screen waiting for a car matching the description that Ms. Jarvis gave her would come on. She saw a couple sedans, a Van, an SUV but none that matched the description of the car she was given so far. She gave a slow smile as finally a Ford Explorer came into view that was speeding and matched Jarvis's eyewitness report and she paused the tape immediately as the plate came into focus.

She squinted at the plate. "Tango, Echo, 3, Papa, 8, Sierra, 5," she read off out loud before scribbling what she said down on a piece of paper. She bet her pension that this car was reported stolen.

Joss got onto her computer to look to see if the SUV was reported stolen and sure enough, it was reported stolen the same day of Daniels' death. She was going to issue a BOLO for an early 2000 Ford Explorer, dark blue, with the license plate in connection with the murder. After the BOLO was issued, she focused her attention back on Lamry's notes on Mackley and Lamonté. She leafed through it and found a place to start her investigation into Peter Mackley; his turf. She gathered her keys and jacket, heading for the exit.

While she drove to the intersection where Mackley worked, her mind drifted back to John. He wasn't responding to her ideas so far but he didn't seem to be on the verge of ending his life anymore either. She sensed a tiny difference in him from the night he saved her. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her end but she was going to pretend it meant she was making progress. She saw a crack in his hard veneer but she just didn't know how to access it just yet. And she believed that once she did, she could wiggle in and truly help this man.

Joss pulled up to the curb of the intersection of where Peter Mackley's turf supposedly was that Lamonté stepped on. She parked and kept her eyes peeled. Her eyes were watchful for Mackley while her mind was on John. She didn't know how long she was seated there like that but it was a while and finally she saw Mackley make his appearance with two other men beside him. They stopped and stood at the corner near the stop sign.

Joss slid from her car as she walked to the three men standing together. She tugged out her badge and held it out for the three to clearly see. "Are you Peter Mackley?" she demanded.

The tall, skinny, white guy straightened. His clothes were god-awful, like he was a Prince reject. "Yea, what'z it to ya? I ain't doin nothang, officer."

She winced at the mangling of his English, seriously who talked like that? "I'm Detective Carter and I'm investigating Lamonté Daniels death and I have reason to believe you and Daniels had words before he died."

"I told off that punk ass but I did-in't do nothang," he said as he swept his arms around innocently.

She looked around him. "Where's your ride, Mackley?" hoping the dumbass would show off the stolen SUV.

"You wanna ride, detective?—dat can be arranged," he said with a slow sweeping glance over her. "Nice bruises, I bet you like it rough," Mackley said, leering at her. "I like chocolate." His cronies laughed as they made her skin crawl. But she ignored it.

"You three put together aren't man enough for me," she said which ceased the laughter immediately. "Where's your mother's car, Mackley?" she demanded again.

Mackley's smirk was gone. He pointed to the pimped out Mustang. "Bitch, I said I didn't do anything," he snapped and she smirked as his speech got better real quick at her dismissal.

"I heard your garbled English the first time but I'm looking for Lamonté's killer and you're looking good to me for it, Mackley. He was selling on your turf and cheaper than you, stealing your customers right and left, then you angrily had words with him and suddenly he ends up dead."

Mackley shrugged. "There's no evidence, I seen the news. His body was dumped at a busy street, thrown from a stolen car. End of story." Joss filed that piece of evidence away as it was never released to the public that the car was stolen. This kid was dumber than he looked and that took a lot since he looked ridiculous. But if Mackley thought that Lamonté's death would just be swept under the rug because he was another low life drug dealer off the street, he was wrong. Seriously wrong, because to her all lives mattered, even criminals, and Lamonté didn't deserve to be gunned down because he just so happened to be on the same corner selling his goods. Lamonté had been barely eighteen years old and she promised his mother she'd get justice for him.

She nodded. "Yea, maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong," she said slowly, letting the idiot think she bought his line of bull, and the guy's smarmy smile was back.

"It's a'ight, sweet thang, come back anytime. I'll give you a real good time, no hard feelins."

His cronies laughed and she rolled her eyes as she walked to her car as they whistled and made obscene noises at her. Wait until they had their comeuppance, she thought.

* * *

John should have seen this coming. He should have known that Joan would set him up. He glared at her as they stood in line. Joan caught his glare and smiled. "You need to eat," she said simply. His glare darkened as he realized she was right, his stomach rumbled, reminding him he hadn't eaten anything all day.

He anxiously looked around the soup kitchen. Joan was always trying to lure him here but he always resisted, preferring other means of obtaining food and his preferred drink of choice: alcohol. Illegal means, of course, as he was so good at it but those drug dealers would not miss the money he borrowed. These places were meant to help those who deserved it, people like Joan people who were good, and he wasn't one of them. John shifted from foot to foot in agitation, seeing the pitying looks on the volunteers' faces as they eyed him and the others. If only these volunteers knew what kind of man he was, surely they'd run from fright.

"Relax, John, these people are good," Joan said as if that was what was causing his anxiety.

"Then I shouldn't be around them," he said tersely.

Joan eyed her friend. "Then leave, John, if this place upsets you," Joan said quietly, knowing she could never force John's hand. She had to cajole him, persuade him. "I'll just walk back to the encampment alone."

He glanced at her and then outside. It was a good fifteen minute walk back to the encampment, in the cold, and it was growing dark. He couldn't leave her, she'd be alone.

Joan didn't say anything as he remained standing with her in line and as they finally got their meals she finally did speak. "Thanks for staying with me, John."

He didn't bother responding except for a small nod as they ate together. Joan kept an eye on him, making sure he was eating his much needed meal before she spoke up. "Are you upset your cop lady didn't visit you today?" she asked and he looked up.

"No," he knew the detective would stop coming once she realized she was better off serving those who were still worth helping.

Joan eyed John. He was an enigma and hard to understand. So she didn't try. But she knew him well enough to know he was lying to her, he was upset he hadn't seen his cop lady today. Joan had quietly watched him all afternoon. He had watched the doorway, it seemed at first in anticipation then irritation. At what the cop lady not showing up or at himself for wanting to see her, she suspected it was a little of both. Joan thought it was sweet how taken John was with the cop lady, it reminded her of her husband, Chris, who had asked her out every day for nearly a year until she caved. And she had been happy since that moment on until she lost him.

Her heart ached the moment she thought about Chris, so she steadfastly focused her attention back on her friend. There was something changed in John ever since his cop lady came into his life, he seemed…alive. She liked the change. She spent a little under two months trying to get a full sentence out of him, while the cop lady got him to speak in minutes.

"Well, if you wanted to see your cop lady, you're smart, you could find her," she suggested.

"I don't."

There was another lie but she let the subject fall away, knowing that tone he had. She didn't want him to drink anymore alcohol then he already had, and they quietly ate together.

* * *

Joss slid from her car feeling good. Her BOLO got a response. The stolen Ford Explorer was found and was currently being looked over by forensics with a fine tooth comb. Blood was found in the backseat which coincided with what Ms. Jarvis said, seeing someone throw Lamonté out of the back driver's side door. She had no doubt that the blood found in the car would match Daniels and had no doubt that the carpet fibers would match the stolen Ford Explorer. What she was hoping for was her hot-head Mackley left his prints, and if he did what she figured he did, then tonight was a very damn good night. Once she had that thread then she could have him arrested for theft and build her case for murder so she could obtain a search warrant to find that unregistered handgun. But busting this guy hinged on finding prints in that damn car! Her cell was burning a hole in her pocket, knowing they'd call as soon as they had results for her, and if they matched Peter Mackley she knew a judge that owed her a favor to get her a search warrant so late in the evening.

She felt like she had extra pep to her step, being so close to solving this case, as she entered the encampment and then immediately frowned as she walked further inside. John was nowhere to be had. Her happiness fled and nervous energy built. She looked around searching for him, refusing to believe the worst had come to pass. That she was too late, that she hadn't been able to help him. Each previous time she came John was sitting at this bench. She looked around for Joan and saw she was not present either.

"He left with Joan."

Joss blinked as she whirled around, seeing a man standing near her, he was shorter than her. She stared into his dirt ridden face. "The guy that normally sits at this bench?" she asked for more clarification.

The man nodded. "Yea."

"Was he alright?" she demanded as horribly sad thoughts filled her brain.

"He was fine, cop lady."

She tried to not get annoyed, ignoring the nickname she got around this encampment most likely from Joan. "Do you know where he went?"

"No." Well, wasn't he just a fountain of information.

"So do you know if they'll be coming back?" she asked, hoping for something more.

"They always do," he said before walking away.

Joss nodded as she watched the man walk away. Great, she had to find the one lone man that talked less than John. She sat down on the bench where she always found John and was going to wait for him even if it took all night. She'd just have to text her son just in case. She didn't want John to think she wasn't going to do as she said and come back since she was a little late today. John couldn't get rid of her that easily.

She didn't know how long she waited. Joss sat there receiving looks but after the initial man that walked up to her, the rest just stayed away. Most looked at her as an outcast but she didn't care to win over everyone, the only one she wanted to win over was John. Joss kept a watchful eye on the opening of the encampment. It was becoming increasingly darker. She smiled as she caught sight of a cart before Joan appeared in her line of vision, followed immediately by John. She waved at them exuberantly and she noted that John paused, so she got up to walk up to him before he could try to vanish into thin air on her.

"Oh no you don't, John, you're not pulling that disappearing act on me again since I've been waiting here to see you for like a half hour!" she stated as she walked over to him and Joan, positioning herself in a way that if he left she could run after him.

Joan smiled. "Don't worry, cop lady, he won't disappear on you." Joss eyed Joan unable to figure out what she meant and the woman didn't elaborate as she walked off, pushing her squeaky wheeled cart along with her.

She immediately looked up into his blue eyes, realizing for the first time exactly how tall this man was. She had to lean her head back to fully make eye contact. All the previous times either he was sitting or she had been. She took a little step back to not have to crane her neck so much.

"So where did you two troublemakers head off to?" she teased.

"Out."

She rolled her eyes. "Yea, I got that part," she said. "I'm sorry I'm later today but I was busy at work."

"I don't care," he said as he sidestepped her.

She turned and followed him. "Well I do," she said. He sat down where she had been and she sat beside him. "Aren't you going to ask me why I was late, John?"

"You're going to tell me anyway," he said quietly.

She grinned. "You're right, I am. I have to carry our conversations since I've had suspects more talkative than you," she said and smirked as she got another baby smile out of him before he snuffed it out. "I was working a murder investigation and I'm about to close it once the forensics team calls me. I'll be able to give Lamonté Daniels' mother the good news that I got her son's killer off the streets."

John looked at her. "You're Homicide?"

She nodded. "Yea, I work for the 8th precinct. I hate working kid cases, they always remind me of my son and how I'd feel if I lost him," she said and John looked away. She had to be busy and yet she came to see him anyways. "John?" she gently tugged him out of his thoughts.

He reached inside his pocket tugging out his bottle of Jack, needing a drink. He didn't like the swirling of emotions inside him. He wanted to be empty like he had been just before meeting this woman, when he was ready to end it. But instead he was looking forward to when she came, even felt a sense of happiness when he saw her sitting there waiting for him. He uncapped the bottle and took a desperate drink.

"John?" she said quietly reaching out. He nearly begged her not to touch him but he couldn't seem to get his voice to work because he realized he wanted her touch, yearned for that softness, and he closed his eyes as her fingers touched his that were clenching the bottle in a tight grip. "You should stop drinking," she suggested.

"You should stop coming here, yet here you are," he commented dryly.

She chuckled. "True," she agreed. "But at least mine isn't hurting me," she jabbed, feeling him flinch under her fingers.

"It will eventually," he whispered.

"No it won't," she countered.

"I always end up hurting people. So stay away."

Joss stared at him, unimpressed by his gruff command. "Why do you try so hard to pretend you don't like me?" she asked.

He looked at her. "I don't like you."

She chuckled. "Liar," she said. His brows lifted in surprise and then his face went blank. She clearly irritated him at calling him out. "But warning me off isn't going to work because I'm not giving up on you, John." She had plans of seeing this man cleaned up, clean shaven, and off the bottle.

"You should."

She shook her head. "I can't because I have a feeling that I'm the only one that hasn't given up on you, including yourself," she said refusing to let his hand go.

John looked down to her hand and she tightened her grip, hoping he saw it as symbolic. He looked away but she saw it as a small victory that he had yet to remove her hand from touching him to drink. Joss decided to try a different route, not say anything, and just be there for him. A silent support, maybe if she could prove to him she was going to keep coming back each and every day even if it's just to quietly sit with him then he might respond.

Joss felt extremely comfortable sitting there with him quietly. She felt like she could sit with him forever but she was surprised as she finally looked at her watch that she had been there for a little over an hour and she needed to get home.

"I have to go, but I'll be seeing you tomorrow," she said sincerely as she reluctantly got to her feet, smiling down at him, and walked away from him. She felt like she might have finally found her way in on John by quietly being there with him. Not overpowering him with conversation that he seemed uncomfortable with, at least with someone he didn't know, but showing him that she was going to be there for him and that he could trust her.

Joss nearly exited the encampment when Joan appeared motioning at her. She frowned as she walked towards her. "Yes Joan, are you alright?" she asked gently. John needed this woman while she was away.

Joan waved her off. "I'm fine, but I just wanted to tell you to keep coming here for John."

"I had no plans of stopping," she reassured her. "But out of curiosity, why do you think I should come?" she asked.

Joan smiled. "You know why, you're a smart cop lady," she said before walking away. Joss looked back at John who had put his alcohol away and was looking down at the floor and she smiled. She turned to exit.

* * *

AN: Slow and steady Joss is chipping away at John and he can't even be mad at it because he enjoys her poking her head in on him. Okay so this and the next chapter are the last two that sort of lay the groundwork I have in store for this story. Chapter 8 you'll be seeing a recognizable face and I twist POIverse hopefully in a fun and enjoyable way to read :)

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	8. Chapter 8

She closed the Daniels' case late the night before when prints were found in the stolen Ford Explorer that matched Peter Mackley and his two goons. Black and whites wrangled up his cohorts and she personally arrested Mackley for theft after it had been easy obtaining an arrest warrant, then a search warrant to search his apartment. She found an unregistered 9MM that ballistics matched to the bullets used to kill Daniels. Needless to say it was easy to up the charges against Mackley to include murder, especially with his so called friends singing like canaries so they didn't get the murder charge but rather just accessory charges.

It was a nice but cool Saturday morning. She was wearing her black leggings, UGG boots, and a pink and black striped long sleeve shirt under her half black leather coat. Joss didn't fully understand why she deemed it necessary to put makeup on and do her hair to go visit John on her day off but she had. But she wasn't alone as her son exited the car.

"You know, Taylor, you didn't have to come with me," she said. She had tried to tell him to stay home but he wanted to come with her and meet John.

"I know, but I want to meet the man that saved my mom's life and thank him for having your back."

She smiled as they entered the encampment. She smiled at a few of the men and women she was getting used to seeing as she continuously came back here over and over again. John as per usual was seated on his bench, eyes casted down.

She nodded her head towards him. "That's him." she said quietly and Taylor nodded. They headed towards him and she sat down beside him.

"I'm baaaack," she sang softly.

He looked at her and then blinked in surprise when he saw her boy. Taylor smiled genuinely. "Hi, my mom has talked about you a lot and I wanted to meet the man who helped her." he said and John stared at him. "I'm Taylor," he introduced himself.

Joss waited and rolled her eyes. "Taylor, this is John," she nudged. Her son held out his hand to shake John's and the man eyed his hand before slowly reaching out to take it.

"Thank you, John, for saving my mom."

"Don't thank me," he said gruffly.

Taylor smirked. "Yea, I actually do need to thank you because my mom has a bad habit of doing things all by herself, without backup, and if you hadn't been there to help there's no telling what could have happened," he continued.

Joss smirked at the look on John's face. He was thrown by her kid which was a good thing. John needed some shaking up and maybe that shakeup came in the form of her kid.

"And on that note, I want us three to go to Cosmic Diner on the corner and have breakfast," Taylor continued as if John answered him. She had warned her boy that John was quiet.

John's eyes quickly flicked to her and she shrugged. "No," he said immediately.

"Please John," her kid implored as he sat beside him. "It's my treat."

"No," he repeated.

Her kid frowned and then his eyes narrowed. "Okay, fine, John. I forgot something in the car, mom, I'll be right back," Taylor said. She eyed her son, her boy never gave up that easily. He looked to be up to something, she knew the mischievous look on his face. But she nodded and watched her son exit before looking back at John.

"You could have at least been a little more polite to my son's offer," she suggested softly, but noted his eyes were on her leggings, then her half leather coat.

Joss slid onto the bench beside him. "Why did you bring him?" he asked.

"Because my son wanted to meet you, so I brought him with me." She looked around the encampment, seeing it was mainly empty except for a handful of homeless men and women, most of who were there were asleep. "Where is everybody?"

"Soup kitchen for breakfast," he supplied.

"And you didn't go with them?" she heard of a non-profit place around here that fed the homeless and poor three square meals a day.

"No."

She sighed, she was beginning to hate that word. "Why not?" she demanded and he exhaled roughly. Joss frowned when he didn't answer her. She glanced up as she saw movement near the entryway and smirked. Her kid was brilliant because he had gone to nearby fast food joint, he carrying two bags of food in one hand and a tray with coffees in the other. She hoped her son got John a black coffee.

"Well, since I couldn't take you to breakfast, I'll bring the breakfast to you," Taylor announced and John lifted his gaze and turned to glare at her when he realized her son purchased food. She shrugged. "I got you black coffee but had them through in packets of sugar and creamer." Taylor admitted as he sat down on the other side of John. "I hope you like sausage, egg and cheese croissants with hashbrowns because that's what I got us." Joss snickered as her son forced John to take the sandwich, hashbrowns, and coffee before handing her hers.

Taylor's smile never wavered as John scrutinized him with a tight look. "Thanks," John muttered, seemingly giving in to her kid rather than argue further. Her boy took after her because he was nearly as stubborn as she was.

"This is to thank you, John, not the other way around," Taylor said. And they quietly ate while they listened to Taylor tell John all about himself, school, and basketball. Joss watched John carefully while he listened to her kid attentively.

John looked at Joss's kid and saw a lot of her in him. Her son was very genuine, intelligent, and talkative. He looked at Joss who was listening to her son speak and spoke to help keep the conversation going without much need from him. She looked beautiful in relaxed attire. The tight black pants she wore showed off her curves and he had an unwelcome reaction to this woman. What was it about this woman? He saw pretty faces, nice bodies, and never was swayed by them before. But he hadn't met a woman that had this inner beauty like Joss had, not since Jessica. What initially attracted him to Jessica besides her smile was her inner beauty.

Pain sliced him as Jessica wiggled in his thoughts. He shouldn't be around Joss. She saved people, wanted to help them while he just broke them.

"John, are you okay?"

Her voice tugged him out of his painful thoughts and he glanced at her. "Stop coming here," he commanded as he stood up, wanting to be alone.

Joss saw the change in John immediately, she was getting pretty good at reading his body language, his face and eyes. Taylor looked at her and she nodded before she handed her son her coffee and followed John as he walked to the bin and threw away his half eaten sandwich along with his coffee. She threw away her nearly finished sandwich, before she grabbed John's arm trying to get in front of him.

"Where are you going?" she asked. He removed his arm from her grip gently.

"Go home," he said, not answering her. His expression was shuddered, something upset him. She raked her brain over what they had been talking about that could have possibly upset him so but nothing came to mind.

"So you can go buy some alcohol and drink. I don't think so," she refused. "I'll just plop my ass over there and sit with you or if you're leaving I'll walk with you for some company."

"Why won't you leave?" he snapped and this was the most emotion she got out of him and she liked it, even if it was anger. And she saw it as a sign of progress.

She shrugged. "Because I don't want to," she said simply.

John honestly had no idea what to say or do with this woman. She would not listen to him, she defied him, and he hated that he respected it. He looked away as her boy walked up to them.

"Hey, baby, we're going for a walk," she said and he thinned his lips as she included herself.

Taylor smirked as he eyed him. "She invited herself, didn't she?" He nodded his head in agreement and her son laughed gently before looking to his mom. "Well, I guess since you and John are going to hang out, I'll go see Ty." John frowned when the kid was automatically going along with it.

"Take her with you." he commanded, pointing at his mother who was beguiling and bothersome at the same time.

Taylor shook his head. "I can't. If my mom doesn't want to leave, she's not budging," Taylor said sincerely. "Sorry, you're stuck with her."

"Text me when you get to Ty's," Joss said as she looked at her son. He nodded and turned to walk to the other exit. She turned to look at John who had started off for the other one without her. Joss hurried to catch up to him as they walked on the sidewalk. She sidled up next to him and he exhaled. "What? This is a free country, I can walk beside you if I want," she said.

He didn't comment as they walked. Maybe if he ignored her she would leave. "And if you think the silent treatment is going to work on me, think again. I've met even crankier former vets than you," she said as if reading his mind.

"You keep thinking I'm something worth saving."

"Because I'm right."

"You're not."

She snorted. "I can argue all day long if you like, at least you won't be able to drink."

He stopped mid stride and looked at her. "Drinking dulls bad memories."

She shook her head. "It also dulls good ones too."

"What makes you think I have any good memories?" he asked and Joss stared up into his eyes.

"Because you want to dull bad ones, but alcohol only serves to mask your pain and not help you deal with it. You might think you're mysterious but you're not, you're hurting from something, and if you'd let me, I could help you heal."

He shook his head. "I don't want to heal."

"No you don't," she agreed. "At least a part of you doesn't, but there's another part in you that does, it's why you like when I show up and once I find a way to reach him, I can help you." she said confidently.

He glared at her. "I don't like you showing up. I want you to stop."

She grinned. "No you don't," she countered and he refused to get into yet another argument with this woman, so he remained silent. "I don't need to be a detective to know that if you truly didn't want my company that you could vanish on me, but you haven't," Joss said as she walked beside him. Men and women walked the same street with them and some gave John a wide berth while she huddled close to him so he couldn't try to ditch her. She looked up at his face waiting for him to deny it.

But he didn't. Instead John remained silent, ruefully realizing he was going to have to have her walk with him regardless if he wanted her or not. And that was fine by her, she saw it as she just had just achieved another small victory.

* * *

It was lunchtime. She spent all morning, prodding John into conversation. After a while the clear anguish that spurred his restless walk seemed to fade, especially once he was resigned to the fact that she was going to accompany him. Joss had tried to lure him into a diner for lunch but failed, so she walked with him back to the encampment with alcohol in his hand that she tried to annoy him from buying but it hadn't worked. It seemed he purposely bought it to spite her. She needed information on John, more than what he was telling her, and she hadn't been able to apprehend anything that had his prints on it thus far. So she needed to use her backup plan.

Joss slid into the fancy restaurant where her C.I. agreed to meet with her at, ordering a glass of water while she waited for him to show. He was quite honestly the most peculiar man she ever met before. Her research into who this Harold Finch was hit a roadblock as he was not in any database that she checked. It was as if the man didn't exist and yet he did. The name was obviously an alias but his prints didn't match to anyone in the system. Joss couldn't erase their first meeting during her homicide investigation of Georgia McFarland from her mind. The information he had given her was invaluable and led her to find the killer, which fueled her suspicion of what and who he was. But every time they spoke he only offered assistance. On numerous occasions since he had tried to give her tips to stop crimes from happening, she didn't fully understand where he got his information or what type of man he was. She would eventually figure it out, figure him out, but whoever he was he was attempting to help save lives, and that's what mattered to her.

She didn't have to wait long because he appeared, slowly limping his way over to her, slowly tugging his long wool coat off his small frame, and slid into the booth seat across from her.

She smiled. "Hello, Harold."

He smiled in return. "Hello, Detective Carter," he greeted as he opened his menu up.

The waitress appeared. "Mr. Wren, hello, your usual?" the waitress asked and Harold nodded his head and Joss eyed him with an arched brow before giving her order and the waitress disappeared.

"Just how many aliases do you have?" she demanded.

Harold didn't answer. "So what do I owe this request for lunch, Detective?"

She shook her head and was glad he got down to business. "I need a favor."

"Alright, what is it?"

She reached into her inner coat pocket, tugging out a folded printout of the picture she had of John from the grainy footage in the subway car. "I need you to find out anything you can about who this man is," she said as she handed him the printout.

Harold nodded before looking down to unfold the printout. She watched as he froze and stared at John's image. "Alright, I'll see what I can do for you, detective," he said rather hurriedly.

She narrowed her eyes on him. "You know him."

"N-no, I don't."

"Don't lie to me, Harold. There are things you don't tell me about who you are which I don't care for, but you help stop crimes, so I choose to let it go for now. But you know who he is and I want you to tell me right now, or this 'partnership' that we have sort of forged over the last couple of months ends and I'll start investigating you." Harold looked harmless as a fly, but he had information that seemed to come from nowhere and she had ideas of where he received that said information. And none of them were good or legal.

Their food and his beverage arrived and they hushed up the moment the waitress appeared. Once she was gone, Joss didn't even move to touch her Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad. She stared at Harold wanting him to speak. He grabbed his fork and knife slicing into his lunch, before looking up.

"I have never met John before, but I know everything there is to know about that man." Joss sat back in stunned silence. "I know who he was and who he became, and what he has lost."

"How?" she asked quietly, forcing herself to eat some of her lunch, because Finch made a pointed look at her large salad sitting uneaten. She exhaled at Finch's steady glance. "Alright forget how, why do know everything about John?" she asked instead.

"Because I'm a man with immense knowledge but have physical limitations, so I cannot stop bad things from happening," he said, which was ironically the same thing he told her when she asked him point blank who he was, why he was seeking her out to give her the information he was, and how he getting that info. It hadn't answered a damn thing, yet did in an odd way.

"And you were what searching for John because he has the physicality to as you say: 'stop bad things for happening'?" she worded it carefully. When he remained silent she frowned. "Look, if you're worried I'm going to arrest you or something, don't. If I was going to arrest you I would have done it already, Harold," she pointed out.

Harold looked up. "The information I have is incomplete, but it's never wrong, detective, it is why I sought out your help as my limitations hinder my attempt to help or stop these people," he said quietly and she stared at him. Her instincts on this man were still true, he wanted to help people. "But before I decided to find a morally focused detective, I sought out to find this man," Harold continued as he eyed the photo. "I found him in February but with my injuries I lost track of him as it was difficult to keep up with a man such as John."

"Who is he?"

Harold eyed her with kind blue eyes hidden behind black framed glasses. "You won't like the answer, detective."

"I don't care what the answer is, I need to help him," she assured him and when Harold remained silent she frowned as she sat forward. "Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know he was former military. He had to be Special Forces—at least. Those type of men do dangerous and maybe even questionable things in the name of their country and about half of them become CIA agents." she declared.

Harold nodded. "Mr. Reese is in that half, or should I say formerly in that half."

"His last name is Reese?" She filed that away until Harold shook his head.

"Mr. Reese is an alias, one he prefers as he has had many. It's the name he received in the CIA."

She frowned. "You said you know everything about John, who was he before the CIA?"

"John Davis." Joss smiled, finally having a full name. She liked it and now she had a point of reference. "And once you do your digging on Mr. Reese you'll find his death certificate."

Joss blinked in surprise. "John's is presumed dead?"

Harold nodded. "The government should think so, since they were the ones that tried to kill him."

Joss swallowed hard. "The government burned him? How do you know this?"

Harold's lips twitched into a tiny smile. "As I said, detective, I know everything there is to know about John. I did diligent research into him, as I was considering employing him in helping me stop bad things from happening which wasn't going to happen until I had researched him thoroughly."

Joss curled her hands into fists. She knew of the tricks that the CIA pulled; you're doing this for your country, your country needs you crap. And then they gunned them down like animals because they outlived their usefulness or became 'damaged' goods. She heard the stories from one too many former soldiers she saw at the group home she helped out at from time to time, who had friends that disappeared or were different after entering the agency and then ended up dead. It seemed John was in an all familiar state.

"You said you lost him in February, where was it that you found him?"

"New Rochelle, he…learned someone he cared for was lost to him," Harold said; that coincided with what Joan said about finding him walking the streets alone and muttering he lost her. Joan had said he had blood on his shirt, maybe John had just been burned by the government and ran to New Rochelle to see this elusive 'she' and then learned she was dead and spiraled out of control becoming the drunk, suicidal homeless man he was today.

She started piecing together some of the combined information she had about John from Joan and Harold which was gelling together, giving her a bigger piece of the puzzle that was John. Now she had a basis on what he was, now she just had to figure out how this new knowledge would help her help him.

"Finch, can I ask you something, have you been searching for John since you lost sight of him?" she asked and he nodded. "Why?"

Harold set his utensils down and leaned on his elbows as he looked at her. "Because John is a good man, even if he doesn't believe so. He was used and lied to. Seeing John as he is in your photo means there is still hope."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because John is still alive, detective. There's a chance at giving him a new purpose for life."

"Well we better get to it because my run-in with John happened the night I was nearly strangled to death and it was clear he was heading to the Brooklyn Bridge to take a walk he wasn't going to come back from. I've seen suicidal men before and he had it in his eyes that night."

"But he changed his mind when he met you?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure if it has anything to do with me or not. But I've been visiting him since he stopped that man from killing me and that look hasn't been in his eyes since," she admitted.

"I believe John's purpose of living was to fight enemies in different countries, sacrificing his well-being and his personal life to serve his country. I believe all John wanted to do was protect people, so I think to save John is to give him a new purpose to live."

"And you think his new purpose to live is to help you with these people that your reliable and mysterious source gives you to try to stop bad things from happening to them?"

Harold nodded slowly. "I do. John needs a purpose, maybe if we give him one we can save him together."

"Then let's save him," she declared.

* * *

AN: Thanks again to SWWoman for letting me use 'Davis' as John's last name! Kind of tweaked Finch and Carter's meeting but I couldn't help myself as I changed the meeting between John and Carter too :D Next chapter will be somewhat recognizable to you guys. Thanks for reading and being patient for the update.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: Sorry for yet another week long hiatus between updates but this week has been a bit busy, but I'm trying to keep up. There is a fun bit in this chapter as I can't help myself with these two. And I need to seriously thank Elaine for her help with the fun bit as her suggestions were invaluable! Thank you Elaine XOXOXOXOXOXOX  
**_

* * *

Joss entered the encampment finding John in his usual spot, armed with new knowledge of who exactly this man was. She spent the better part of last night reading up on everything she could find out about John Davis, which was such an interesting read. She had been right, John had been Special Forces, his career was decorated. He rose up in the ranks, was skilled in hand to hand combat and was a sharpshooter. He probably knew how to handle every gun ever created up till 2001 before quitting right before the towers fell and then reenlisting for one more tour before Langley knocked on his door and he became a CIA agent. Rather now an ex-CIA agent because his death certificate dates his death a little over two months ago and was given a star on the wall.

She walked purposely over to him and sat down. "Hey," she greeted and was greeted back with silence which was expected. "I want you to come with me somewhere."

That got a response as he looked up and to her. "No."

"It's not for food even though I want to buy you lunch eventually, but I want you to meet a….friend." She hesitated on what to call Finch and realized she did feel like Harold was a friend, sort of.

"No."

She smiled knowing this wasn't going to be easy but she was going to out stubborn this man. "I won't take no for an answer," she countered as she stared into his eyes. "I'll sit here and keep asking you until you agree to go with me, so you may as well make it easy on yourself and just come with me."

"You have a long wait."

Joss shrugged as she leaned back, before tugging out her cell phone. She texted Finch with Plan B, and smirked as she slid her phone back into her pocket. John watched her the entire time and sighed as he looked away.

"Well if I can't take you to him then I'll bring him here."

He shook his head and smiled softly. "You're stubborn."

She smiled. "You say that as if it's a bad thing."

"It can be."

"Where you're concerned John, it's not. Besides, resisting is only delaying the inevitable."

"And that is?"

"Me getting you off the streets, cleaned up, and healthy."

"You're optimistic," he said quietly.

She grinned as she crossed her leg over her other one. "You are the first one to ever tell me that but I like to think of myself as more of a realist,"she assured him. They sat quietly together while she waited for Harold to arrive, which didn't take longer than ten minutes as he was waiting nearby just in case they needed to go to plan B.

She smiled as Harold limped his way over before he slowly and awkwardly lowered himself to sit beside John on the other side and let out a subtle sigh. "Hello, I'm Harold Finch, Mr. Reese." Joss watched carefully as John immediately turned to look at Harold, clearly startled to hear his former name. "It's the name you prefer, isn't it? I know you had many." John was stiff beside her. "Don't worry I only told Jocelyn about you, I won't tell anyone else."

"You don't know anything about me."

Harold smiled. "I know everything there is to know about you, Mr. Reese. I know about the work you did for the government, I know about the doubts you came to have about that work, and how everyone including the government believes you're dead."

John stared at the man in the black frame glasses before he turned to look at Joss. "You know who I am so you know you should leave."

"Finch told me everything about you and it doesn't change my opinion, John, you're a good man," she said as she laid her hand on his, slowly sliding her fingers between his and linked them together. John looked away but hadn't removed his hand from under hers.

Finch cleared his throat. "Mr. Reese I know you've been trying to drink yourself to death and I agree with Jocelyn that you'll find other more permanent means soon. So knowledge is not my problem, what to do with that knowledge is where you come in. I think we can help each other. I don't think you need a psychiatrist, a support group, or pills."

John looked at the smaller man with cold eyes. "What do I need?" Joss inwardly did a victory dance that he hadn't shut them down yet.

"A purpose," Harold said simply and Joss felt John's fingers tighten on hers for a brief moment before he tried to extract his hand from hers, and she refused to let go. "More importantly, you need a job."

John was quiet, watchful, for several minutes before speaking. "What kind of job?" he asked hesitantly.

Joss forced herself to remain expressionless. She didn't want to show any emotion that she was growing excited that John was curious enough to find out more. Maybe this could work. Maybe getting John off the streets hinged on that inner goodness that he didn't believe was there anymore. Joss knew about the Purple Heart he received, they didn't just hand those out for any ole' thing, he saved her, meaning John was willing to save complete strangers so that innate goodness was still in there. They just needed to find a way to reach him, bypass the guard he had up to shut everyone out because he was in pain. Once they did that, then saving John would be a slow but steady process.

Harold quickly glanced at her before he stood up, with a motion of the head asking silently for John to follow him. Joss got to her feet reluctantly letting John's hand go and he slowly got to his. The three of them moved out of the encampment and walked the sidewalk with Finch on one side of John and she on the other. They approached a small limo car and a driver exited to open the door for Harold.

John paused as he eyed them. "Please, Mr. Reese, I wish to explain, but we need to be someplace quiet. I'm a private investor in a hotel just down the road and would like to explain there," he suggested.

Joss tugged on his elbow. "Come on John, you're not doing anything better so you can hear us out, please," she added. John sighed as he climbed in which seemed to be against his better judgment. She slid in beside him quickly followed by Harold before John decided to back out. Before long they were on their short journey to the very nice The Plaza Hotel. She shook her head as they climbed out of the limo and followed Harold into the very upscale hotel. John looked annoyed, he had allowed himself to be lured here and she was taking in the nice hotel lobby.

The ride up the elevator was quiet and tense and before long they entered the room and Harold closed the door very gently. "Get this over with so I can decline and leave," John said testily, evidently he was more than annoyed that he had come with them.

She removed her jacket and John's eyes skimmed over her and she smiled as she slid onto the couch, before padding the cushion beside her. "Come here, John, I don't bite," she cajoled sweetly. However John didn't sit beside her, no, rather he stood with his back to the door and glared at Harold. John's blue eyes were shuddered and weren't giving away anything.

Harold seemed unperturbed by the unrelenting glare. "The information I receive is incomplete but is never wrong. I have a list, a list of people who are about to be involved in violent crimes. I want to employ you to find out what crime they are going to be involved in, determine if they are the perpetrator or victim, and stop it from happening," Harold said succinctly.

John seemed unimpressed. "A list?—how do you receive this incomplete information to form this so-called list?"

"That's not important." Harold said and Joss snorted. She thought it was damned important because she agreed with John on this. Just where did he get this info? But she remained silent.

"Do you have any idea what it is like, Mr. Reese, to be forced to hear a murder happen and you cannot do anything to prevent it?" Harold asked. Joss blinked in surprise, realizing slowly that Harold's reach and guilt was much further then she previously thought. Whatever source this man had, had allowed him to hear crimes being committed and with his physical limitations hadn't been able to stop it. She had a new perspective on her peculiar little friend now, which made her even more curious then prior to know where he got his information.

John hadn't said a word but watched Harold reach into his jacket tugging out an old newspaper that was folded. Harold slowly unfolded it and held it out facing John. "Sharon Manning was murdered by her husband for the insurance money in this very hotel room back in 2008. Her name was on my list and I couldn't stop it from happening any more than you could stop what happened to your friend, Jessica—the one that you are drinking yourself to death over. You were halfway around the world when she died." Joss grimaced at the way Harold called her a friend. Judging from the fact that the night he saved her John had been close to killing himself, this Jessica woman was anything but just a friend.

John glanced up sharply at her name. Joss watched sadly as he trembled, his face contorted in rage and John lunged at Harold, throwing him against the wall. Harold dropped the paper. "What the hell do you know about it?"

"John!" she cried as flew to her feet, rushing over to where John had Finch pinned against the wall, she grabbed his arm trying to get him to let go of her friend.

"It's the truth, you left the government because they lied to you, I never will. I think all you ever wanted to do was protect people!" Finch said urgently.

Joss held John's arm and he immediately let go of Finch, so she let go of him, and they all took steps back. Joss knew for damn sure if John wanted to, he could have killed Finch. But he had let him go. She looked away from John to eye Finch and touched his arm in compassion.

"You okay, Harold?" she asked gently knowing about his injuries.

He nodded, fixing his tie, and she let his arm go. Her eyes went back on John, seeing him fall into a chair rather than sat down. John looked upset, his eyes laced with pain at the mere mention of this woman that he couldn't save.

Joss stepped back to watch the boys interact. Harold sat down at the small table across from John. "John, you couldn't save Jessica but you could have, had you known in time, that's what I'm offering you; to be there in time. You can help me save the next person on my list, the question is: will you?"

Joss stared at John who sat in the chair and shook as he eyed Harold then his eyes strayed to her. "It's up to you John, if you don't want to then you don't have too. But you're a good man, who could help people who find themselves in bad situations." she said trying to appeal to that man that saved her, the one that was floating just underneath the surface. His eyes bore into hers as he gave no indication of one way or another before he looked at Harold.

"Mr. Reese, if I may suggest, try one case and if you wish me to leave you alone, I will disappear." Harold said trying to entice the former soldier.

She held her breath as John had yet to respond as he quietly sat on the chair as if contemplating his options. "Alright," he whispered. "I'll try one."

* * *

Joss didn't want to say she was humming in happiness, but she was. "You're humming 'We Are the Champions'," John commented dryly.

She grinned. "I can't help it, John, I feel like David downing Goliath," she admitted. "By the way you're Goliath," she teased as she eyed him in her passenger seat, seeing a tiny smile on his face before she looked back at the road as she drove them to an exclusive shopping district with Finch's credit card burning a hole in her pocket. Finch agreed with her that John felt more comfortable with her then with him and told her to help him buy whatever necessities John needed. After John agreed to try out one case they decided John needed a mini makeover, he couldn't save people looking like a tattered version of Grizzly Adams.

John had stipulated he'd stay at a motel, but nothing upscale like the one they just left. She didn't care where he went, she was just glad he was getting out of the damn encampment. John reluctantly took money from Harold, which Harold had to color as an advancement for working the case and John had been shocked at the amount. Harold refused to take any back and said that if he was going to work for him they then could talk about his 'salary' but not a moment sooner.

John had taken a shower at the hotel where he used the complimentary shaving set. Joss felt giddy seeing his cheeks bare; without the unruly beard it already shaved off at least ten years. John had a very good looking face with high cheekbones and a chiseled jaw that had been hidden by the scruffy beard. He had soft looking lips too, lips that looked seriously kissable…not that it mattered.

Joss continued to hum, but now a new song as she drove them into the district's parking lot with valet service for its clients. "Are you humming 'Na Na, Hey Hey' now?" he questioned softly.

She smiled. "I am, because I'm getting you out of these damn clothes and a haircut," she explained. "And you have an ear for music, John, you like classic rock and oldies…I'm filing that tidbit away," she said happily. Every little bit she learned about John was satisfying since he wasn't exactly going to tell her his secrets.

John was quiet as they exited the car and she basically had to yank him into the high end barber shop. No clothes shopping until John's bird nest of hair was trimmed. Joss had turned Finch's credit card over to John so he could pay his own bills. Give him a little control over this as she was just along for the ride-and a little direction. Finch must have made a few calls to have everything ready for this trip. John was immediately seated in a highly polished old fashioned barber chair. The cushions were soft, a dark red, and very comfortable—which made John uncomfortable. She could tell by the way he fidgeted in the seat.

John directed the haircut. Although it was clear he and the elderly but obviously experienced barber were not in total agreement over what John wanted, but eventually John won-no surprise there, Joss thought. But she almost gasped when the clippers kept taking more and more hair off, which had her mentally giving a moment of silence at the loss of those locks. John was prior military and it was clear from the haircut that he hadn't lost all of his military bearing. In the end his hair was cut brutally short, with only a small touch of hair a little longer at the 'v' at the back of his neck. She found her fingers itching to touch that 'sweet spot.' Oh god, what was happening to her! It only got worse because with the hair gone John was almost unrecognizable and so damn good looking, but he paid for the services and added a tip that had the barber nodding his head and telling him to return soon.

That task completed, she firmly held his elbow as he tried to resist entering the high-end men's store. "I don't think…" he started but she ignored him as she tugged on his arm.

"Come on John, Finch said necessities, and this place has everything for men. We can get you suits, dress shirts, jeans, t-shirts, underwear, everything here, all in one place. Then you'll be all done," she prodded, knowing how to get a man to shop with the promise it wouldn't be very long. Men were so easy.

John sighed as he merely grunted in agreement and allowed her to escort him inside. She smiled as a salesman met them at the door. "Hi, my friend and I need some help. My friend here has been working undercover and needs to get his groove back." Joss said and she clutched John's arm tightly as he took a step back, he wasn't making a run for it on her watch.

"Of course, yes, my name is Jorge. I believe we've been expecting you," he greeted.

Joss smiled, keeping her hands wrapped around John's elbow. "My name is Joss and this is John, he needs a whole new wardrobe."

Jorge eyed John and Joss was glad they got him because he didn't even bat an eye at John any different than any other patron that would enter. She liked this guy already. "Marvelous, I do enjoy having a blank slate to work with," Jorge admitted, looking at John like he was a predator and John was his unfortunate prey.

John wanted to turn around and run for the hills, he blamed Joss for this and his unsettling attachment to her that he was forming. He enjoyed her company and when she was gone, he waited impatiently for when she came back. Could that be the reason why he was in this situation he was in right now?—still alive, and buying clothes to work for this weird man, all because of her and his secret desire to spend more time with this captivating woman?

"Follow me," Jorge said as he whirled around, Joss gently tugged on John's arm to propel him forward.

"Come on John, this won't take long not with Jorge helping us,"

He leaned over. "After this, Goliath is getting back up." he vowed, using her euphemism.

Joss grinned as she leaned her head back and looked him in the eyes. "And I'll just beat your ass back down again." she said playfully, but he knew she meant every word and he smiled slowly against his will.

Jorge motioned for a couple of the saleswomen to follow him and they were eyeing John up, confused by the tattered clothing on such a fine specimen.

John wanted to put a stop to this, feeling like he was being dragged to his execution which surely would be more enjoyable than walking behind Jorge and two walking skeletons to go choose clothing. But Joss soothingly patted his arm as she walked beside him and he felt his urge to leave ebb away. He had agreed to one case for this Finch, who seemed odd and he was going to do his own bit of digging into that man as he did not care for the fact that the man knew everything about him and he knew next to nothing about him. He would close that gap quickly. And he had some digging to do on Joss as well.

It took longer than expected getting every damn piece of clothing from socks to suits to a new jacket for John. She kind of felt bad for John as Jorge had him try on Versace, Armani, Calvin Klein, Kenneth Cole, and nothing was making the small fashion-minded man happy. John looked ready to kill Jorge, Barbie, and Skipper for making this clothing shopping such a chore. She was sure John would have just bought any ole' damn thing had he been by himself, whether it matched or not, which is why she had accompanied him. Getting John reacquainted with the world would be easier if he had someone to lean on because it had to be overwhelming. But Jorge claimed John's height and athletic build wasn't being accentuated in any of the suits until he forced John into the black Hugo Boss and Jorge reacted like he had nearly died and went to heaven. So had she because the fit of that suit was perfection for John who fidgeted under the relentless compliments and fittings to get perfection. Jorge only had to do minor modifications to it to fit John better in the shoulders since they were so broad. John also insisted that the suits being a little less form fitting. Joss wondered why until a light went off in her mind, he'd be carrying a gun under his suit jacket and he would want it to be inconspicuous. Yep, John was planning ahead!

Joss had chosen John's underwear for him, immediately determining him to be a boxer-brief kind of guy, which he hadn't corrected and she spent nearly the entire time while Jorge fussed with his suit thinking about John in nothing but those boxer-briefs and then nothing at all. She needed a man, big time. She had thoroughly enjoyed seeing the riveting spectacle that was John in jeans and those Calvin Kleins fit him like a glove, showing off his...assets. The fabric clung to him, looking perfectly snug, and Jorge was right, John had a nice athletic body even for a formerly homeless man. On more than one occasion she wondered who had raised the thermostat in the store, because she had felt warm, no actually, hot! She was too young to experience a hot flash, so she couldn't claim being menopausal but she wasn't willing to admit to herself it was being caused by John just yet.

As the shopping excursion continued Joss felt claws of jealousy grip her as she noticed he was garnering more and more attention from other women in the shop. John was nothing less than breathtaking and she felt territorial over him as she saw the man underneath before he became the modern day Adonis that stood before them. He looked uncomfortable with the looks he was receiving as a few women stopped and fully turned to look at him.

"You look…"she paused because the immediate word that wanted to pop out was 'sexy.' "…good," she finished lamely. Was this the same defeated man that had saved her life so recently?

"Thanks," he muttered.

Leaving his tattered rags behind, John sported a pair of new jeans with Nike sneakers and a dark cobalt blue Polo button up and a new leather jacket that Joss had insisted he needed and looked good in. They each took the bags of clothes, walking for the exit of the mall. "Now you look ready to do some saving, just don't get into any trouble." she said with a smile. John stiffened when they both heard a buzz of the new burner phone Finch had handed John so he could call him when needed. John wiggled the phone out of his pocket and pulled it out. She leaned over to see the text that asked for him to meet Finch tomorrow at 8 AM sharp at an intersection.

"I'm guessing he has someone for me," John murmured.

"That's safe to assume. Call me at the precinct if you need any help from me," she offered and they quietly exited the mall together. Life was going to get more interesting, she thought, it more ways than one.

* * *

AN: Okay, I should be sorry but I mean dressing up John was too much fun to pass up. So I didn't. Joss had her fun too ;D Next chapter, our lovelies share an intense yet meaningful conversation together and there are shades of canon from the show mixed in but are warped to fit my needs, which is hopefully a nice blend. I'm gonna try to get chapter 10 up Monday sometime that way it's not too long of a wait this time around :D

As always thanks for reading XOXOX


	10. Chapter 10

Joss tried to relax but couldn't. John was working his first case with Harold, some Diane Hanson. She hadn't heard a single peep from him except for once with a rather cryptic question that she wished she never answered. She should have known better, especially how secretive John was being, because as she entered the precinct after lunch her friend Kane had told her all about Anton and his buddies getting shot up with their own merchandise.

She sat down at her desk, phone pressed to her ear and ready to ream that man out. He answered after a moment. "That's why you called me and asked who was a two-bit criminal with gun charges, so you could steal their goods!" she snapped annoyed. Maybe she was more annoyed with herself because she hadn't said no to that soft seductive whispery voice. She hadn't known how this first case was going to work out, but she should have known that John wasn't going to be able to color in the lines of the law. This was a man who was former CIA, not exactly a boy scout.

"I needed weapons at a cheap discount and you did say if I needed any help to call you,"he remarked softly.

She frowned. "Don't remind me," she grumbled.

Joss thought she heard him chuckle and she tried to hang onto her irritation. "They didn't know how to use them right, Carter; one was holding his piece sideways."

"Yea, it's dumb, it'll eject a shell casing into his face and his aim will be askew," she huffed and she heard an approving hum from him. "So what?—you stole their weapons to teach them a lesson?"

"I took the guns so they couldn't hurt themselves. They need practice, Carter," he reasoned and she nearly clucked that he had shot them in the kneecaps so his reasoning did not play, but refrained, barely. She didn't want to be overbearing on his first case. Saving John hinged on getting him to take to this purpose of saving these people. She could gently steer him in the right direction as time went on.

"Try to keep your law-breaking to a minimal, John," she admonished. As she told Harold previously, she had rules and she wasn't about to break any without a damn good reason.

"I'll be seeing you soon, Joss," he murmured before he hung up with her.

Joss sighed as she slung her cell onto her desk. Even though her reason to call him was to yell at him, she hadn't exactly gone too hard on him. Not at all as hard as she wanted too, the anger in her seemed to seep away at how different he sounded. He sounded better since getting out of the encampment. This purpose was already starting to yield results and she wouldn't trade it for the world. Saving John was important to her. If she had to keep reminding him that these weren't the CIA days any longer than so be it. The CIA; they were going to be a serious problem. She only knew what Finch had told her, that John was burned by the government. Finch had been sketchy on the details, maybe she could get John to open up to her about his past. If she knew more of what happened, maybe she could shield him from the CIA longer. But sooner or later they were going to get wind that John wasn't dead and she had no doubt that they'd show up unfortunately.

She met enough of those types when she was on the other side to save her soul. They were all alike: unfeeling, cold, and lethal. She could spot them out in a crowd, so when they came knocking she'd be ready, but that begged the question: why hadn't she been able to peg John as CIA? Oh, she pegged him as military and Special Forces easily, but she hadn't gotten the vibe of CIA. Maybe it was because he wasn't like all the rest she had ever met before. John was the atypical CIA agent she supposed because he certainly wasn't unfeeling he seemed to feel everything. It was why he felt like a monster, didn't want her help or her to keep coming back to try to save him when he was in the encampment. He had been persistent in his wish for her to leave him alone, but she just out-stubborn him. She was sure John was lethal because, again, she circled back to him, believing himself to be a monster. Only a man who had killed for his country and good at doing it would feel as he did even if the burden he was carrying was unjust.

Joss frowned at herself for worrying over something she couldn't stop from happening nor know when it would even come. The day the CIA came knocking could be tomorrow, a day or week away, or even years. Who knew? Why borrow trouble?—so she carefully shelved thoughts of the CIA to be worried about at a later date. They would just have to cross that bridge when they came to it. She and Finch first needed to save John from himself.

* * *

He wasn't sure about this, wasn't sure about anything except for the fact that his body thirsted for his booze that he refused himself. John needed a clear head for this work, a life depended on it, so he could maybe get a drink after this case was finished. After losing the boy, Michael Pope, they had to play the waiting game of when he would resurface. And with his phone being in the boy's backpack they would know. John kept the guns that he might need with him in the duffel bag as he sat in the taxi cab. He had taken a detour to the encampment in the Upper East Side, wanting to see Joan, and handed her takeout from a diner nearby. He had quite the illuminating conversation with her.

" _I'm glad you're letting your cop lady help you, John, you don't belong on these streets. You belong elsewhere," Joan murmured as she ate the chicken sandwich he purchased for her, knowing of her affinity to chicken._

" _Neither do you," he said quietly as he sat beside her. She deserved a mansion at the very least for all the kindness she had shown him._

 _Joan smiled. "Actually, these streets are where I belong, and I'm not leaving them," she countered as she easily ate the chicken sandwich._

 _He eyed her perplexed. This was not the first time she said as much. Joan never gave any indication that she wanted to find a way to get off the streets. "Why?"_

" _I lost my Chris, so material possessions hold no meaning to me any longer, John. Haven't for a very long time now, because anywhere I could choose to lay my head would never feel like home without him in my world."_

" _Who was Chris?" This was the first time she ever got personal and he could see pain in her green eyes._

" _My husband, a man I loved more than anything. He passed away."_

" _I'm sorry."_

 _Joan shrugged. "It was a while ago, John. Chris had lung cancer, stage two. We both thought he had a chance. He couldn't work any longer, so we lost his health insurance, and I did the best I could. I worked three jobs to try to pay for his treatments and our bills, while trying to take care of him. But the medical bills mounted on us so I sold my car trying to pay for his treatments and without a car I couldn't get to work so I got fired. We lost out home to foreclosure, since you can't pay your mortgage payments when you don't have any money too. I pawned my wedding and engagement rings to try to save my husband. But in the end it didn't matter, the cancer had spread throughout his body, and he passed away," Joan said quietly before nodding to her cart. "Those men's effects, at the bottom of my cart are the only things I have left of my Chris. After his funeral I found life simpler here on the streets and I'll never leave them." she said with a steady gaze.  
_

"Mr. Reese," Finch spoke, interrupting his reverie without realizing it. "Michael resurfaced, but we aren't the only ones looking for him and he's not alone. Listen," John listened to the conversation. Men were planning on killing Michael and making it appear to be a gang related murder. He eyed his new burner phone as they tracked the GPS of the phone in Michael's backpack. His taxi was driving west away from the encampment, while whatever vehicle Michael was in was driving up Riverside Drive. They currently were at 88th Street and approaching fast.

"97th and Riverside, make it fast," John told the driver. He could head off the vehicle and save the boy, loading a tear gas grenade into the grenade launcher. Once they arrived, the street was empty for the time of night and he held out money. "Keep the change," he murmured, glad for a quiet cabbie, grabbing his duffel bag of guns as he climbed out. He didn't hesitate as he walked into the middle of Riverside Drive, tugging on a ski mask and waited as the SUV speeded toward him.

He dropped the bag of guns down and aimed his grenade launcher at the approaching vehicle and fired into the windshield. The man swerved and rammed into a parked car. John tugged out a gun as he walked towards the smoky car with flashing headlights. The driver exited first and he shot his kneecap before the man in the backseat exited and he punched him out before taking his identification. John rounded the other side of the car, opened the door, and grabbed the back of the boy's jacket and his backpack, yanking him out of the car.

"Are you crazy?! Do you know who they are?" Michael asked.

He eyed the police shield. "I do now, they are police," he muttered. "Finch, I got the boy, we need to get him someplace safe."

"I know just the place, Mr. Reese."

* * *

"You used a grenade launcher on Riverside, John!" she snapped in agitation. Half the precinct had been in a buzz this morning wondering who the hell would do such a thing, oh but she had known! And she let him loose. The SUV had been empty, found smashed up against a parked car. Some blood was found on the pavement at the scene, which was currently being analyzed by Curtis. Knowing they were cops meant they'd be in the system, and with the blood they could get the men who were trying to kill a young boy.

They were quietly hiding across the street of some truck stop diner in East Harlem waiting for men that he was following to exit. She had called him up earlier this morning and he agreed to let her bring him coffee and help. She wanted to head there to yell at him for his antics the night before.

He turned to look at her. "I also got Michael out of that car with dirty cops," he murmured as he went back to taking photographs of detectives.

She sighed. "I've heard murmurings of a group full of dirty cops called HR, there was nothing concrete to prove they were real but it was speculated. Now we know these dirty cops do exist, thanks to your…unorthodox ways," she said quietly, watching through her binoculars the men he was taking photos of as they exited the truck stop diner they met at.

"Do you know any of them, Joss?"

She squinted. "One is recognizable but I don't know his name. And the others, I have no idea who the hell they are. But get me their photos and I can get you names when I get back to the precinct," she said as she settled the binoculars down to glance at him. John lowered the camera and nodded.

"Thanks, Carter."

She told herself to not ask, to not do it, and let him have a measure of privacy, but she couldn't help it. Her curiosity won. "You went to the encampment last night."

He blinked as he turned to look at her. "You were following me."

She shrugged. "More like checking up on you," she refuted and he cocked a brow. She exhaled, clearly caught and knew it. "I just didn't want you to disappear on me, so why did you go back there?" She refused to tell him she sat in her car for a hefty two hours before giving up and driving home and he still hadn't left. She wanted to know if he stayed all night there.

"Which time?"

"You went there twice?"

He exhaled. "I went before saving Michael and then again after, so which time?"

Well when she went to the encampment and found him in there it had been already after the call came in with the incident on Riverside. "After, but why did you go there twice?"

"First time I wanted to see Joan, give her something to eat. And second time I just went there," he said quietly as he looked elsewhere.

And realization dawned on her. "You're not used to having a place to rest your head, are you?"

He kept his gaze off of her, face neutral. "Not really. I haven't had a pillow to rest my head on, a bed to sleep on in months. Before the encampment, I was traveling and before that I was in Ordos on a mission that proved to be my last," he admitted gruffly. He was in Ordos China? She wished she could get more information about that, about what had happened to him but she could see he wasn't in the mood to talk about it. His face was closed off and she knew when to pick and choose her battles. Poking for more information now would backfire. "It felt like the walls were closing in on me." he whispered, surprising her as he offered more.

"Call me if you feel like that again, John." she said immediately. He looked at her. "Day or night, call me if you feel like you're suffocating and I'll be there. We can take a walk or talk, or something."

"I'll get you these photos." he said as he turned and walked away, not actually acknowledging her request. She turned and headed to her car to get to the precinct so she could do some research on these cops for him.

* * *

Joss arrived at Central Park. Harold had called a meeting there, where he was currently waiting. She walked towards him as John appeared out of thin air nearly giving her a heart attack. They stood together as John discreetly handed Finch the photos he took earlier in the morning.

"Here, we think we are up against a group of corrupt cops," John said quietly.

"They're called HR," Joss said. She nodded to the photo of Stills. "Stills, who John stole his badge," Joss started and threw in a glare at John for good measure for giving her his badge number and when questioned he had admitted to stealing it and refused to give it back. "He's Narcotics, him and his men get word of deals and they go steal the drugs, the cash, and kill all the witnesses."

John pointed to the rotund detective. "And they have Fusco frame up guys like Pope for the murders." he said. Finch eyed them both. "I think the next target is Hanson but I don't know for certain, hell I don't know anything for certain because I don't know where you are getting your information," John snapped angrily.

Joss had to agree, she felt the same way as John. "Finch, tell us, so we can understand," she pleaded.

Harold eyed her. "Your life is too important, detective. Where I get this information…knowing about it, could get you killed. Mr. Reese and I, no longer have anyone left that cares for us, but you…you have your son."

"Isn't it up to me to determine if the risk is too great or not? I've been helping you off and on for a couple months now, not knowing if I was doing the right thing. I let you spin your wheels on telling me where you get your information from because it was helping, it was saving lives, but no longer. This case changes things, proving that there are dirty cops in the precinct's is worrisome, Finch. I want to know, like John," she said. It would help her understand just what she was dealing with in Harold.

Harold eyed her for a long moment before glancing at John. He seemed to contemplate for a few moments before he sighed gently. "When the towers came down, you were in a hotel in Mexico," Harold murmured as he eyed John before looking at Joss. "And you were at your station for the U.S. Army." Joss wasn't even surprised about the information he had about her, what surprised her was the information he had about John. She wondered if he was in a hotel in Mexico with this 'Jessica' woman or was it something else.

The three of them turned and began walking while they listened to Harold speak about what he had been doing during the time of the attacks. "After the attacks the government gave itself the power to read every email, listen to ever cell phone. But they needed something to sort through it all. Something that couple pick the terrorist out of the general population before they could act. The public wanted to be protected, they just didn't want to know how they were being protected. So when they finally found a system that worked they kept it secret."

John eyed him. "So how do you know about it?"

Harold paused almost as if for dramatic tension. "I built it," he said. Joss and John shared an astonished look before they resumed walking together. She shouldn't be surprised with knowing how good this man was at hacking. "But there was a problem with this machine. I had built it to stop the next 9/11, but it was seeing all sorts of crimes. So I had to teach the machine to divide the things it saw into two lists: relevant and irrelevant. Events that would cause massive loss of life were relevant, supposed to be passed along to the NSA or FBI."

"And the irrelevant list is all the premeditated murders, kidnappings, and other such crimes we have been trying to stop for the last couple of months." Joss stated for confirmation.

Harold nodded. "Every night at midnight the machine erases the irrelevant list." he said and Joss gasped. She couldn't help it. She couldn't imagine saying any life was irrelevant but the intricacy of the machine he built…to an extent those small time murders and crimes were in fact irrelevant to the larger scheme. This machine was built to protect everyone from a large scale attack. Now it made sense, the guilt that clung to Harold like a stench that, no matter how hard he washed and cleaned himself, he couldn't rid himself of. "It was only later that I realized my mistake and that irrelevant list was eating away at me." And now it also made sense as to why this man with severe physical handicaps was trying his hardest at saving lives, because he felt guilt over the irrelevant list, of those men and women who appeared on that were relevant to someone.

"So where is the machine now?" John asked softly.

"What?—the drives, who knows, government facility somewhere I suppose. But the machine is everywhere: watching with ten thousand eyes, listening with millions of ears."

Joss remained silent, listening to the two men speak. Her mind was in a whirl right now, trying to digest this information about this machine, an artificial intelligence, was working at the behest of the government. The information Finch gave her, about all those cases, the one they were working now…everything was falling into place like dominoes. Never in a million years would she guess what Finch said but in the end she wasn't fully surprised. Technology was advancing so quickly and she knew how intelligent Finch was with a computer.

"We have no idea why it picked Diane Hanson, then," John murmured as they came to a stop.

"It wouldn't be steering us towards her if it didn't see something," Harold replied.

"I don't know if I can protect Hanson, I can't see the whole picture."

Harold eyed John. "I offered you a job, Mr. Reese, I never said it would be easy,"he said and with that turned and left them.

Joss touched his hand gently, his gaze slid off of Harold's retreating form and landed on her eyes. "You can do this, John if there is anyone that can, it's you."

"You don't know that for certain, Carter, I can't protect someone if I don't know where or what the threat is."

"Yes I do. I know you can do this, so does that man." She motioned with her free hand towards the man walking away from them. "You just need to believe in it yourself," she said before releasing his hand and turned to head towards her car, feeling his penetrating gaze on her back.

* * *

AN: These first several chapters will be recognizable to you with some au differences. But I will be eventually diverging from canon because I have a number case I want to write so badly I can taste it and I think it will work for this story. Then again knowing my muse it will lead me to some weird place that I never meant to go :D I can't wait for you guys to read chapter 13. I really had fun writing that chapter but you guys have two more chapters to go to get there XD

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Sorry for another late update but the week leading up to Thanksgiving was pain filled. I sincerely hate the up and down weather because it does not bode well for those who have chronic pain *shakes fist* Okay complaint over, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and it was spent with family/friends and was safe. I had a nice quiet evening with my family and my pup.

Thanks for being patient XOXOX

* * *

Joss wondered how things were going for John. She hadn't heard anything since this morning, so she felt no news was good news.

She had her days off fast approaching and she couldn't wait, which was why she was working on paperwork so she could leave early tomorrow to pick up her son. A lot of the time during the week she sent her son to stay with his grandmother so he wasn't going to school alone or in a house alone when she had to work late. Joss exhaled when the desk phone rang incessantly, so much for doing her paperwork so she could be ahead of schedule for tomorrow.

"Carter," she greeted after a second.

"Have you heard from our mutual friend?" Finch asked in a way of a greeting.

She frowned. "No, not since our titillating conversation in Central Park this mid-morning, why?" she asked as she lifted her gaze.

"I haven't heard from Mr. Reese after he thought the hit was going to take place against Diane Hanson which was a little over three hours ago," Finch answered.

She eyed her watch, seeing it was six in the evening. "You lost him already!"

"I figured he might have contacted you, detective." Harold said in a way of defense. "He has built a rapport with you, not me."

Damn it, this was what she was afraid of. John got spooked after this morning's conversation with Harold, after he questioned his ability to work this number, case, or whatever you wanted to call it.

"I'll go search for him at the encampment. See if Joan or anyone there has seen him. John tends to run there when he feels claustrophobic, feeling like the walls are caving in on him. It's been what he's familiar with," she said standing immediately.

"Thank you, detective," Finch murmured.

She grabbed her keys. "Don't thank me yet, Finch," she cautioned before she hung up without another word and rushed for the bullpen double doors in a flurry of movement. She had to find John.

* * *

Joss hurriedly rushed into the encampment, eyes searching for her tall, dark, and gorgeous flight risk. She frowned when she didn't see him. John stood out here as a homeless man, but being well dressed and groomed, he stuck out here like a damn sore thumb. Joss looked around and found Joan, but no John, so she made a beeline for the woman.

The redhead smiled. "Hello, welcome back, cop lady," she greeted.

"Have you seen John lately?"

The woman shook her head. "No, John came by twice yesterday but he hasn't been around today. Why?—did you already lose him?" Joan asked with a smile twitching her lips up, nothing got past this woman. "I wouldn't worry too much, cop lady. With you he won't stay missing for long. Sometimes he went for long restless walks, the kind that makes your feet hurt like hell, but I think walking relaxed him. Must be how he stayed so fit to look so good in those clothes," Joan said with a wink.

"Did John have a routine route for those long extended walks he took?" she asked and Joan shrugged. Damn, that had been too good to be true. "Do you know anywhere else John might go when he's feeling…stressed?"

"Besides sitting there alone, walking restlessly or drinking, John didn't do much else, cop lady."

Joss frowned. Well this was a dead end. She would find John, she found him once, she would damn well find him again. But her phone buzzed with a text and found it to be from Finch. He simply wrote: Found him. She exhaled in relief. Thank god! John was still around. She texted back and eyed Joan with a smile.

"False alarm,"she muttered. "I'm sorry I bothered you," she apologized as she pocketed her phone.

Joan's small smile grew. "It's good that he has someone to like him for himself, even before he revealed himself to be such a handsome man."

Handsome didn't describe John one microscopic bit. John was downright gorgeous. With his big blue eyes, attractive facial features with cheekbones that could cut glass, and a nice hard body he could give any male model a run for his money. But John didn't only have a beautiful exterior, he had a beautiful interior too even if he didn't think so. His innate goodness, his need to help and protect people he didn't even know, and his quiet honesty were a thing of true beauty. It wasn't every-day she found a man that would save a life for no other reason than because it was the right thing to do. Not to mention he had a brain to go along with everything else he had going for himself. John was a trifecta of everything a man she would be interested in could have: sex appeal, a good heart, and smart. And she was royally fucked.

But she fought anyways, "I don't know what you mean, Joan."

"You don't fool me, cop lady you know exactly what I mean. Not many can actually look past the old tattered clothes, the shaggy beard, and such to see the man underneath. But you did. You saw the spark in him that was slowly being snuffed out the longer he remained on the streets where he didn't belong. You're good for him."

"Thank you, it was a pleasure seeing you again, Joan, but knowing John is found I need to head back to the precinct." she admitted as she started to backpedal.

"Take care, Joss, but before you go may I ask you a question?"

Joss shrugged, "What?"

"You dropped everything to go look for him, what does that say?"

"It says I'm looking for a friend who I'm worried about."

Joan smirked. "Go with that story, see how far it gets ya, cop lady. I lasted only about eleven months before I caved to Chris, who I thought was just a friend and he turned out to be my soulmate."

Joss scowled as she turned and exited the encampment, not missing the laughter that echoed throughout the quiet encampment from the woman that cared a lot about the same man she did.

* * *

The next morning Joss received a text from John asking for her to come to Lyric Diner where they could meet for lunch. She texted him back, yes. There were reports out there about a man in a suit having stopped a band of dirty cops after Diane Hanson sang about who she was meeting with after a recording of her saying to take out Wheeler came to light in a middle of a court case. If Hanson was going down she was taking several dirty cops along for the ride. A few were already being rounded up as she drove to the Lyric Diner. She needed answers because there was a statewide manhunt searching for Detective Stills, the same Stills whose badge John had in his possession.

She parked in the parking lot behind the diner before sliding out of her car, walking with purpose to the front entrance. Her eyes scanned for him but didn't see him at first blush.

"Hello detective," a soft purr with warm breath washed over her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck prick up with him standing so close. Joss slowly stepped forward, turning, noting the dark purple bruise shading his nice clean-shaven cheek. He was still close, towering over her with his gaze sliding down her body before slowly finding its way back to her eyes. "You're looking good, Carter."

She ignored the thrill she got at the compliment. "Nice try, John, what the hell happened last night?" she demanded. He motioned for them to take a booth, which she gladly did. They were quiet while they ordered coffees, neither one hungry. "What happened?" she repeated.

"Diane Hanson was the ringleader, ordering Stills to take Wheeler out. She wanted Stills to take care of him because he figured out what she had been up to with HR."

"Where did you disappear to? Harold even called me looking for you."

He shrugged. "They found me as I realized my mistake of trying to protect her from the corrupt cops."

"Were you alright?" she demanded, eyeballing the purple bruise again as he nodded.

"Hanson ordered them to kill me, Fusco took me to Oyster Bay to do just that," he said as if it was no big deal. "I escaped."

"How?"

"Detective Fusco needs to be more careful when placing someone in the back of his car," he murmured with a soft smile. "I could use a man like him on the inside, so I made sure he could walk away from the incident."

Joss eyed John. "Where's Stills?"

He stared at her. "I killed him."

"John…."

"I had no choice, Joss he was going to shoot an innocent man so I shot him first and I couldn't reach his kneecap. So I put the bullet between his eyes, to make it as quick as possible."

Joss stared into John's blue eyes unwavering. She saw the truth in them. He killed the man because he had no choice. She leaned forward. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, John. I'll arrest you if you ever kill anyone that is not in self-defense. I do not condone killing," she stated succinctly.

John sat forward and his hand hesitantly hovered over hers before he rested his palm on her hand, their fingers tangling and warmth spilled out of him like he was a furnace. Their eyes were locked together, her eyes searched his, seeing something floating in his luminous eyes.

"I know you're a good woman, a good detective, with a strong moral compass and I would never put you in that position to make you choose between your sense of code and me. I know you'll always choose what is right. The only thing I can promise you, Joss, is that I won't kill anyone if it's avoidable."

She tightened her fingers on his. "I'm holding you to that promise because you're a good man who is already weighed down with enough death, despair, and guilt," she said. She kept their hands together as the waitress appeared with their coffees. She slid her hand free so they could doctor up their drinks the way they wanted. "So where is his body?" she asked quietly, keeping their conversation between them.

"Oyster Bay someplace," he said after taking a sip of coffee.

"John…" she didn't know what she wanted to hear but that wasn't it. She wanted to bag his body, put him in the ground, and have it done with even if she had to mark his case as unsolved. His family didn't deserve the questions that came with a disappearance like his was.

"I'm sorry Carter, I had too. I shot him with Fusco's gun which would be a little difficult for the man to explain."

"He's dirty, he was going to kill you, so why protect him from being pinned for a crime he didn't commit," Normally she would be fully against an innocent man being charged for a crime he didn't commit. But this Lionel Fusco guy was far from innocent. "I'm willing to bet my pension that he's killed others. He belongs in jail, John."

"He was loyal, doing it because he was friends with them and not because he wanted to. I could tell the difference in him from the others, his heart wasn't in it. Fusco looked trapped and I could relate."

Joss stared evenly at him. "Because your heart wasn't into being a CIA agent," she murmured and he nodded.

"Besides I need an asset who is engrained in the underbelly of New York."

She furrowed her brows at what he called Fusco. "Fusco might be an asset but I'm not yours or Finch's asset. I merely help to stop bad things from happening to good people."

"I would never think of you as my asset, you're a partner," he murmured.

She finished her sip of coffee, cocking a brow up. "Partner?—partner in what exactly?"

He slowly gave her a small cautious smile. "In whatever this is."

"Does that mean you're staying? I know Finch is willing to give you money so you can go anywhere you want and disappear once more. But I'm not really in the mood to go searching for you all over again."

The small smile remained in place. "I'm staying for at least a little while. This will be the longest time I stayed in one place in a long time," he admitted.

"Why do you say that?"

He got to his feet without elaborating. "I'll be seeing you soon, Carter. I need to go meet with Finch at the Queensboro Bridge," he said as he tugged out money and she waved him off.

"I'm paying for these." she said, rebuffing his attempt at dropping the money on the table. "Don't insult me by not letting me buy you coffee, John." He frowned, but realized she wasn't going to let him pay for his drink. He exhaled and she thought she heard him mutter that she was stubborn and she grinned as he slowly walked away. He had no idea.

* * *

John entered the encampment later in the evening after he had talked with Finch about working the numbers, his pay, and where he was going to stay. Finch didn't approve of him living in a motel, so he offered a couple safe houses as places to crash. He searched for Joan and found her seated where he used to always sit. He slowly made his way over to her and sat down beside her. "Here," he said quietly handing her a bag of food.

Joan looked at him. "John, you're back."

"What?—you thought I'd stop coming here?"

"Well yea, actually I did, not because you didn't care about me or the others but because you're about to start the next chapter of your life."

He shrugged. "I can do that and still remember to come see you," he said and she smiled as she shook her head, patting his arm before opening the bag. "It's fish this time."

She eyed him as she took a bite of the sandwich. He looked good, not just with the clothes, hairdo, and the shave. But health wise, he looked better. Whatever that limping little man and cop lady were doing it was working, they needed to do more of it to get him off the booze.

"You done drinking?" she asked.

"No."

"John, drinking doesn't help. If it did, don't you think I would have done it after Chris died?" she asked and he shifted his gaze away as he wrung his hands together. "John, I know you lost someone you love, but drinking your sorrows won't help. You need to grieve."

"Did you?" he asked harshly. "Did you grieve over him?"

Joan caught his gaze. "No," she said simply. "But this is where you learn from my mistakes, John."

"I don't know how to," he whispered.

He looked away. Grieving wasn't something he was good at. When he lost his dad he just stopped talking about him, when he lost his mother he did the same. He pretended their deaths didn't affect him, he compartmentalized them, and buried them from ever seeing the light of day. After learning Jessica was dead he didn't grieve, he got angry and then nothing. He felt nothing for so long until Joss entered his life.

"Your cop lady could help you," she suggested, drawing him back to their conversation. "We both know she's willing to help, in just a short week and a half she got you off the streets and looking healthier than I've ever seen you. Try talking to her."

He got to his feet. He wasn't going to talk to Joss about Jessica, he didn't want to talk to anyone about her. "Goodnight, Joan," he said quietly.

"Goodnight, John." She waved at him as he walked away with his mind on Joss.

* * *

AN: I just adore Joan. She's such a fun character to write and flush out a bit more since the show kind of played keep away with her. She'll keep poking her head in from time to time. Next chapter our babies have a little disagreement, nothing too huge.

Maybe I'll post chapter 12 tomorrow or Monday. Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOXOXXO


	12. Chapter 12

Things had been quiet since the first case John worked. Joss missed seeing John everyday but she needed to start giving him more space, especially since she had someone else helping keep tabs on him. But it seemed John had other ideas because she nearly shot him when she thought an intruder was breaking into her place and it was him instead. And the damn man had the gall to blame her, saying she offered him to talk when he felt restless. Which was true, but she meant for him to call first, not just let himself in, but she couldn't change John. John was unorthodox in everything he did and she supposed that included taking up offers of help.

He rarely used the front door, mostly hid in the shadows, and for the majority of the times she found him there, he'd be there before she got home. In fact she was actually getting used to heading to her place and finding him there. Like the other night, she had a bad day at work and it seemed as if he knew because when she got home with her son, they found a hot meal already prepared for them with John putting his suit blazer back on to leave. He even took out her garbage for her; she didn't examine how he knew what day was her garbage pickup day. Seemed like John was doing his own investigating, but no matter how hard she tried to have him stay to eat the meal he made, he wouldn't. He claimed the dinner was a family one, for her and her son which didn't include him. That didn't sit well with her but it sat even worse in her boy because her son turned on the charm, used trickery, everything to try to get the hardened soldier to stay and eat but it didn't work. John gently refused citing he had business to go back to and he was gone in a flash. Though she wasn't entirely sure he didn't have work to do. Knowing how this worked, she was sure the numbers never stopped coming. But come hell or high water she was going to cook him a meal and he was going to eat with them if she had to force it down his god damn throat!

Then a couple days ago John and Finch worked a Theresa Whitaker's number and she was summoned to pick the girl up. She'd known exactly which girl it was immediately when she saw the suit coat Jorge picked out for John on the girl's shoulders. Joss couldn't help but feel John's eyes on her from out there somewhere as she strode over to the girl. She could feel the heady sensation of being watched but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, rather it was welcoming and she felt oddly feminine under it. Which was ridiculous since she wasn't even sure if what she was feeling was his eyes on her or not, but she hoped it was. Again, she needed a man and not just any man, a man that wanted nothing but no strings attached meaningless sex. She had too much on her plate for a relationship: she was a single mother, a homicide detective, helped Finch and John with their thing, and then there was the man himself. John. And not one single man on this planet would understand her complex relationship with him, hell, she didn't even understand it.

But all thought about her strange, multifaceted, and slightly complicated relationship with John had taken a backseat as she approached the poor girl because she looked like a hundred years old instead of being just a teenager. All innocence was gone, snatched from her unjustly. She lived through a terrible ordeal with nearly being killed by a hired gunman, witnessed her entire family get murdered and spared because she was a child and a girl, but forced to live in hiding. Living in utter fear that one wrong step and she would end up like her family, dead, and that was such a horrific way for a child to live. For anyone really, and Joss didn't get to see that many happy endings in her line of work but she got to see one when Theresa was reunited with her aunt. It had been a good day and that was because of John and Harold.

Today, however, was not a good day. Because she nearly dropped her coffee and food as she entered the bullpen when she saw John's big lanky body on a screen that a detective was watching. She had seen about the bank heist on the news last night! He was there and failed to mention it when he called.

She deposited her coffee, her bag of breakfast, and keys on her desk and hurried over to the detective she never met before. "Working the bank heist huh?"

The detective looked up. "Yea, Detective Molina," he greeted, holding his hand out which she took.

"Carter," she responded.

"Heard of you."

She bet he had and most likely the things this detective heard about Detective Joss Carter weren't all that favorable. She didn't get to where she was at by making friends in the field. Most didn't like women invading a predominantly male profession and do it better than them. But she wasn't here to stroke their egos or to make their penises feel bigger than they were. She wanted to be a cop, a detective, and a damn good one. It was something she always wanted. So she had put the time and effort to rise up to where she was in such a short time it wasn't her fault that she showed them up in the process. Maybe they should be better then.

Joss nodded to the tape. "So what do you have, maybe I can help?" she offered.

"Well, as of right now I'm waiting for Jenkins to finish the fingerprints down in the lab but I was just starting to take a look at the security footage. Look at this guy, saving the security guard from getting his head blown off. No doubt that guy saved his life," Molina said, nodding to the man who she knew was John, without a shadow of a doubt, without needing to see his pretty face. Her eyes drifted involuntarily onto his butt.

She immediately turned her gaze away from John forcefully. "I'm kind of slow right now, so if you need any help let me know," she offered. Joss needed to call Finch because she knew just how thorough of a job the CSU did on bank heists. They were going to dust for fingerprints on everything and anything including that damn security guard's holster which would not be good for John.

Molina nodded in answer and she walked to her desk where she tugged her cell phone out and immediately clicked Finch's unknown number. It didn't take him long to answer. "We have a problem with our mutual friend, Finch. I guess your new number is a criminal because there is a detective with a bank heist's footage with John on it!" she said lowly and irritably without greeting.

Finch sighed. "Yes, it caught Mr. Reese and I quite unaware, as far as we were concerned Mr. Durban had been uncharacteristically boring up til that moment."

"Yea, well, John stopped a security guard from being killed but he also touched the damn holster. The cops and CSU don't play around with robberies like this, they dust for prints on everything which means John's prints will be found. The moment they run those prints they'll match John's in the system, but with this the CIA most definitely will get wind that John is out there still alive," Joss said, worriedly eyeballing the detective.

"I suspected that the CIA would eventually become an obstacle we must hurdle. Is there any way to buy Mr. Reese more time?"

She frowned. "No, not that I know of, the moment they run those prints on that holster and Molina gets a hold of them he'll put a BOLO out for John, and then there is no way to prevent the CIA from learning of the fact that John isn't dead," and then suddenly an idea struck. "Wait, maybe I do have an idea. I have to go, Finch." Joss hung up without waiting a beat as she got up from her desk and hurried over to the detective.

"I'm heading down to go drop off some evidence for Jenkins, while I'm down there you want me to pick up your fingerprints for you?"

"Yea, that would help," Molina said and then smiled. "Thanks Carter."

She smiled in return. "Don't mention it," she assured him as she walked away. She waited until he was distracted and grabbed the bag of food she brought it, sighing wistfully at it as she was going to have to use it as a bribe with Robby Jenkins. Damn she was hungry too. She immediately headed down the stairs to the lower floor where Robby's office was. "Knock, Knock," she called as she lightly tapped on the door, seeing Robby hard at work at his computer. He looked up and she smiled before holding out a bag of takeout. "Hey Robby, thought you could use some grub."

"Hey Carter, what do you need?" he said with a smirk at the bag.

"What, can't a friend visit a friend?" she questioned teasingly and he cocked a brow as she held out the bag and he greedily took it and then opened it.

"Not when there is food involved."

She smiled as she sat on the edge of his desk. "Alright, you caught me. I'm helping with the investigation of the Bayridge bank heist and I was kind of hoping you had them all done so we can get to work on this." Joss nearly cried as her sandwich was bitten into. Her stomach growled, thankfully he didn't seem to hear it. John owed her breakfast in the very near future!

"I'm actually nearly complete. I ran all the prints of the tellers, customers, and I'm about to run the prints on the security guard's holster. So far I haven't found anything to help. And since you got me food I'll run the prints more quickly now just for you," he said with a wink and she grinned.

"Who knew a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant could get this sort of service!" she teased readily.

He laughed as he worked. The screen lit up with a hit. "Irving Weber, age sixty-four, security guard to Bayridge Bank. But there was another set of fingerprints on the holster, and that one is the last of them." Robby said in between bites and Joss watched in dismay as the screen lit up after he ran John's fingerprints. "Wow, wow, wow, whoever this guy is he has open warrants for homicides in 44 different countries. Who is this guy, the angel of death?"

"He might be something else entirely," she said as she swallowed hard while he printed out not only the security guard's fingerprints but also John's, placing it into a large file with dozens of other printouts. She tracked where he put John's which was on the very top before he closed the manila folder. "Thanks again, Robby, this will help Molina and I," she said as he handed her the file.

Robby smiled. "No need to thank me Carter, not when you brought me food," he joked.

"I'll have to remember that the next time I need a favor,"she murmured as she carried the file. When she exited the room, hurrying towards the steps to head up to the main level of the precinct, she looked around making sure no one was watching and tugged John's printout out of the file, folded up the packet of papers and slid it inside her suit blazer and then headed upstairs.

She walked purposely into the bullpen and found Molina still looking at the bank's security footage and she stood beside him. "Here, these are the prints from the bank heist. It appears everyone inside the bank is squeaky clean although I just perused the top prints, maybe you'll get luckier as you go through the file."

"Damn, I was hoping there was a plant with a record that would give me a thread on these guys. There has been a string of these robberies and I can't make heads or tails on this case." he admitted as he eyed the large file of prints. But her eyes were on the screen eyeing the way the men were moving and working.

"I might have your thread, look." she pointed as she snatched the remote out of his hands and rewound the tape. "Look at the way they're moving," and then she paused the footage with a fuzzy screen of the radio hooked on one of the robber's pants. "Yea, I'm pretty sure that's a mil-spec radio. They're soldiers."

Molina looked at her. "Care if I pick your brain for a few moments?"

She smiled. "I'd be insulted if you didn't." 

* * *

She called John for a meeting at Lyric Diner. It was exactly one day after he finished the Durban case, after she helped Molina nearly catch him with the band of soldiers that were breaking into those banks. It had been so close and there was no way she could protect John from it, but somehow Finch must have given John a heads up. And it was also just one day after he nearly died at their hands in some shootout after he stole some files for a cold case with the name M. Elias right out of the evidence locker (which she was going to look into), but saved himself and Joey.

They needed to seriously talk and thankfully the Lyric Diner was kind of dead because it was during the morning lull. There weren't any customers but her and the waitress already had dropped her and John's coffee off. She impatiently tapped her fingertips on the tabletop waiting for John to arrive.

He appeared out of nowhere again, seemingly enjoying popping out of nowhere and scaring her shitless. "Your coffee is getting cold, detective," he purred, making her jump as he appeared by her side and sat down across from her.

She leaned back and eyed him. "Maybe you shouldn't keep me waiting for you then."

He smiled softly. "You arrived early," he pointed out with a glance at his wrist watch. "As I see it, I'm a minute early."

She shrugged. "I had the jitters, so I get anxious, so I leave earlier, and get to places earlier than necessary," she admitted. "But you're trying to sidetrack me. We need to talk."

"About?"

"About you being more careful," she supplied and he eyed her perplexed. "Sooner or later the NYPD are going to get wind of this man in the suit that is being rumored to be around town. Your first case, Diane Hanson, one of the dirty cops said a guy in a suit appeared out of nowhere. Right now there is nothing concrete about you, but eventually they'll try to hunt you down. And that's the same with the CIA and FBI. I'm trying my best to make sure your prints don't end up going to CSU and Robby for fingerprint analysis but I can't keep that from happening every time. I just can't be at the precinct a hundred percent of the time when you work a number," she said softly.

"I know."

"So try helping me by being more careful. Wear gloves if you have to, John." At least then his fingerprints wouldn't be everywhere and it would take the CIA a much longer time to learn of his living status.

"Why is it so important to you to protect me from the CIA? My past will have its way of catching up to me, I can't escape the things I have done, Carter," he said quietly. "No matter how hard I try I can never wash away the blood that has stained my hands,"he whispered as his eyes dropped to his hands resting on the table's linoleum-top.

"That's not who you are anymore, John."

He lifted his gaze onto hers. "You don't know that."

"Yes I do," she countered.

"You can't because I don't even know that. I killed Stills," he whispered.

"Because you had to," she argued. She wasn't going to let him twist this into some self-loathsome speech. She called him here to tell him to be more careful, not to hear him poke more wounds into himself. He was so good at self-inflicted wounds and she wasn't going to let it happen.

"Are you sure? I could have just said that because I didn't want to lose you."

"YES." she stated forcefully. She leaned forward. "I know that to be the truth because you wouldn't lie to me about something like that. But more than that, you wouldn't have killed him if there was another way," she said, believing in him and in his word.

John looked at her. "There are reasons why the CIA came knocking on my door, Joss, because I was good at following orders and I became a damned good killer for them. I've killed many people, Joss. Good, bad, it didn't matter. Orders were orders, as there must have been a reason why they were to be eliminated so I never questioned it. Not for a long time anyway. Some begged for their lives, some didn't, and others had no idea what was about to happen to them, because as the years went on I found a way to make their deaths as painless and quick as possible, so there was no suffering. Kara never cared for that, she preferred their deaths to be agonizing and slow," he whispered thickly as he turned to look out the window.

Joss eyed his eyes, seeing the wateriness to them. She reached out, touching his chilled hand. "You might have been a killer but you're not anymore. If you were, you wouldn't ever have come to my rescue that night I needed you when you were so close to ending it. You wouldn't be here helping save people's lives right now if you were _just_ a killer. Life isn't black and white, John, there is a lot of options and you chose a different path when it was offered to you."

"Paths are funny, Carter, one way or another we all get where we were supposed to end up anyway," he murmured as he looked at her.

Her back stiffened. "Go ahead, throw your pity party, but make it for one because I'm not in the mood to listen to this. You can pay for my coffee too as you still owe me breakfast," she muttered as she climbed to her feet. She leaned over so she could whisper in his ear. "But go ahead and try to stay on that path, John, but don't blame me for trying to detour you for good. It's only fair since you saved my life," she whispered and with that she straightened, turned, and exited the diner.

* * *

AN: I wanted to make sure I got some lines of dialogue from the show into this, especially moments that shaped Careese. I always loved his 'your coffee is getting cold, detective' in Legacy which suggested he had been quietly watching her before making his way over to the apple of his eye ;D Next chapter has some moments that I won't say because it's better to be surprised, right?!

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN: I tried to have this up yesterday but ran out of time. Hope you guys enjoy! Thanks to the guest reviewers who I can't respond to individually I appreciate the kind words, and to one specifically I'm trying to finish up the last installment to the Moments series you'll get to read it eventually :)**_

* * *

It wasn't his first time breaking into her home, nor would this be the last as John picked the lock of her back entrance. But it was the first time since he and Carter had their disagreement at Lyric Diner the other morning. They had talked since, worked Megan Tillman's number, and she gave off no indication she was upset or even remembered their minor argument, which he was grateful for. She was supremely disgruntled over the fact that he got her Lionel Fusco as a partner but relented when it would benefit him as he would have her watching Fusco for him. Fusco could be saved, could be redeemed, he just needed the right person. And that person was Joss. She'd whip him into shape in no time.

John entered her dark home and gently closed the door, relocking it so no intruder could get in without his knowledge. He was going to have to speak to her about beefing up her security because it was painfully easy to get in here. John slowly exited the mud room and made his way past her quaint kitchen/dining room and entered her living room. He liked that room. He could almost envision her seated on the couch with her son beside her and the two talking warmly. But more than that, he liked the photos that were prominently and proudly displayed on the mantle of the fireplace she had. The photos were of herself and her son, smiling and hugging fiercely.

He slowly sauntered over to the photos he could see in the dark and stopped short in front of his favorite. Joss and her son were hugging while facing the camera, Taylor looked no more than ten at the time, and their smiles were so large and contagious he couldn't help but chime in as the smile tilted his lips up. Seeing the photo reminded him so much of him and his own mother. After his dad died it had just been two of them, posing just like this. His mom had tried so hard at being his mother and father, he hadn't been so appreciative when he was a kid but he was now. His mom tried so hard, too hard. He longed to tell her what he should have when he was a kid: thank you, because she had been everything for him, she did the best she could, and it wasn't her fault that he didn't have a father. She didn't ask for her husband to die in a freak accident just months after ending his last deployment.

John whirled around when the front door opened and closed, his hand immediately going to the back of his pants. "John," he relaxed at Taylor's voice, it was Carter's kid, but blinked in surprise for the fact that he was calling out his name as if expecting him to be there. The light turned on, flooding the foyer in brightness and her son appeared in the entrance of the living room. John peered at the kid who smirked. "Hey, John," he greeted, throwing his book-bag down which landed on the hardwood floor with a heavy thud.

"How did you know I was here?" he asked questioningly. He had made sure no one saw him slide to the back of Carter's home, kept the lights off.

Taylor shrugged. "You usually are, so I've gotten used to calling out to see if you're here or not, that way you can't spook me when you materialize out of nowhere," he said in a way of an explanation. He walked into the living room turning on the lamp, collapsing onto the couch, tugging out his cell phone texting. "Drama sucked today, I forgot half my lines. And I got like ten piles of homework to do. I think I broke my back carrying that backpack," he complained as he set his phone down on the armrest of the couch.

John stood still as a statue in annoyance that he was becoming that predictable by coming by here all the time for the boy to call out his name to see if he was there. Maybe he should stop coming here. But being at his place between numbers was off putting, as then he would be alone with his thoughts. He preferred seeing Joss and her son, or sitting with Finch at the library picking his brain and trying to learn more about that peculiar man. Anything was better than being alone inside his own head thinking about his failures, mistakes, and shortcomings. His mind swirled with his failings that broke him down nightly, leaving him to find restless sleep. He didn't need it eating away at him while he was awake.

Taylor noted John's silence, his stiff posture, and smiled. Mr. Badass was sure rattled that he knew he'd be there. He smiled. "Relax, Mr. Badass, I haven't figured out if you are a chocolate or vanilla person. Or if you're a dog or cat lover, or what it is that you exactly do. You still have some secrets left, so you are still your mysterious badass self," Taylor teased. There was so much that he didn't know about this man and wanted to. Like he wanted to know if John's feelings for his mom were stronger than platonic as he claimed, but also he wanted to know what exactly John was. His mom was kind of sketchy as to what John was, which meant she thought knowing could be problematic and that meant John was something cool.

"How do you and your mother do that?" he demanded eyeing her son fully now, unnerved and intrigued at the same time. Taylor and Joss both had that ability to astound him while aggravating him with their too on-the-spot deductions. Either they were that good or he was that bad.

"Do what?"

"Know what I'm thinking. How do you and your mother do that?" he demanded. Maybe he was giving something away.

He laughed as he sat up better. "I guess my mom and I can tell what you're thinking because we can read your body language. You don't do anything specific to give away what you feel, my mom is just good at picking up things and I learned it from her. Watching people and understanding them, she was always good at reading people's body language, it was why she was a badass army interrogator rising to the top tier," Taylor said. "Besides that, we have gotten to know you better over this last week and a half, learning your moods, and certain subjects seem to upset you while others seem to not impact you so much. I'm sure you figured things out about me and my mom too."

He had but he was former CIA, it had been his job to know what he was dealing with, so reading people and their unspoken language had become a must. But he prided himself on being a closed book, privacy was a habit, his life had depended on it sometimes in the agency, and it rankled him that a teenager knew what he was thinking!

The door opened and he heard Joss's voice. "Taylor, John, I'm home!" she called out and he turned to eye the empty entranceway of the living room and then her son.

"And sometimes we cheat and use phones," Taylor said with a laugh as his mom appeared.

John eyed her as she stood in the entranceway of her living room, smiling, and looking beautiful, breathtakingly so. His eyes dropped to what she was holding and it was a large bag of takeout. "Thanks for the heads up that he was here, Taylor." she said gratefully, before looking at him. "I got us some takeout before coming home and you are helping eat it since you broke in here yet again, so now you're another mouth to feed. So no vanishing act this time, John, or else," Joss decreed as she turned and headed for her kitchen, letting the boys follow her.

He scowled at her son and then followed her as he realized that when he played with his phone that the boy had texted his mother that he was here. "I can't stay," he stated as Joss had turned the light on, deposited the dinner on the island, and was rummaging through her refrigerator for drinks. She pulled out a bottle of wine and a soda can.

"Make an exception because I got us Thai from my favorite place. The food is delicious, you'll enjoy it," she said cheerfully as her son entered the kitchen, handing him the can, which he snapped open immediately.

She grabbed plates, silverware, and wine glasses while her son made use of himself and emptied the bag of takeout and opening the containers with the food. It smelled delicious and she was starved. When she turned around, she nearly plowed right into John because he was standing right behind her. She tilted her head back to eye him directly and felt dwarfed by him. The top of her head barely reached his neck even in her slight heeled work shoes. But she didn't feel intimidated by the invasion of her personal space but rather an unexpected heat coursed through her. A warmth that started as an ember in the pit of her belly that grew as it spread throughout her body warming her everywhere.

"Please stay, John," she murmured quietly, seeing her boy eyeing them with interest in her peripheral but she kept her gaze focused on him.

He didn't say a word but his pretty blue eyes were watching her as he reached out taking the plates, silverware, and glasses from her. When he stepped back, she exhaled not realizing she held her breath with John that close to her. But she was going to pretend it was because she had gotten him to agree to stay over for dinner and that was it. Joss grabbed the wine bottle and sauntered over to the table where her son was seated, eyeing them with an expression she couldn't readily pinpoint. She poured herself and John a glass of red wine as John set the table for them.

And once she sat he did, she smiled at Taylor, then John. "Let's eat, I'm starving!"

* * *

After the surprise dinner he drove up to the encampment. He didn't want to head back to a safe house to sleep just yet. He climbed out of the car that Finch supplied and headed into the encampment. He saw Joan standing and talking. She turned as Stephen motioned at him.

"Hey John."

"Did you eat already?" he asked.

She nodded. "You might not like the soup kitchens but I go and eat there." He shook his head but didn't argue the real reason why he didn't like going there. "So when are you going to bring your cop lady back here?" she teased. "I kind of miss her spunk, coming here all fiery, looking for you. She looked like had she found you here that she would tug you out by the ear." Joan said with a short chortle.

He blinked. "When did she do that?" this was the first he heard of this.

"About a week or so ago, I guess you went missing and she thought you vanished on her again, so she came by here. She asked me if I knew where'd you go, but I reassured her you wouldn't go missing long from her," Joan said with a shrug and then she smiled softly. "You like her."

"I don't."

Joan smiled widely. "You do, even if you don't know it. And you respect her, which is good, she deserves it. Coming by here time and time again when it was clear no one but you and I liked her, stuck her neck out for you for no other reason than because she wanted to. She's good people, John, and you need more of that in your life. I got a strong feeling that you didn't have many good people to trust and lean on in your life," she murmured as she walked towards the bench he vacated that she seemed to take up residence at now. Her squeaky wheeled cart sounded off before she came to a stop and sat down. She patted the bench beside her and he slowly sat down.

Joan eyed him, seeing he was contemplating what she said. He was still quiet as a mouse. She smiled, she supposed some things would never change. "Let her in John."

"What?"

"Let her in. You never let me in but you can't carry everything on your broad shoulders. Maybe letting her help you, you won't have to."

"Enough about Joss," he murmured.

Joan nodded. "I know you'll need to think it over. You always do, just do the right thing for yourself, John. Stop trying to be selfless and be selfish for once. That girl is offering to shoulder some of the weight, she's just waiting for you to take the first step and ask."

He didn't respond for a few moments. They just sat together quietly before he turned to eye her once more. His look was guarded. "I'll be going now, now that I know you ate. If you ever want a shower and a place to change, I have access to a place," he offered quietly.

She laughed. "Access to a place, the guy that came here with the cop lady looked like Richie Rich."

He smiled a little. "Close to it, but, the places I stay at aren't my home." he said. He just lived in them until they needed it for a number, then he'd throw his things into the trunk of his car and move to the next safe house. "Joan, please, call me if you want to use it." He wanted to somehow repay her for everything she did for him without realizing it.

She patted his forearm. "I will. Now get out of here, John, you don't belong here," she shooed with a hand motioning for him to leave. He slowly got to his feet and walked away.

* * *

"Hey, momma," Joss greeted as she sat on her couch in her pajamas with her half drank glass of wine, her cell phone pressed to her ear.

She was restless, her son was upstairs doing homework, and she was having a hard time relaxing. And it was all John's fault. Their dinner tonight had been fun. After some prodding, John had fallen into conversation with them easily. He didn't say much but he listened and smiled a lot. She and John helped Taylor practice his lines for his role in the play and Joss watched John. The tension and anguish that seemed to furrow John's brow all the time was gone. Her son bailed on them after a little while, citing homework and it left her and John alone together on her couch, in the glow of the lamp, and touching. After several moments of quietly eyeing one another, they both sprung apart and he bid her farewell. She was a tense and restless mess afterwards. And whenever she got this restless she called her mother.

"Who is it?" her mother asked.

She frowned. "Who is what, mom?"

"The guy," her mother responded easily with a smile in her voice. "You sound like you did when you told me about meeting Paul. So who is it that has managed to catch my baby girl's eye?"

"Can't a daughter call her mother?" she demanded.

"She can and you do, but you sound different. So who is he?" she prodded.

"He's no one," she said and her mother made a sound of disbelief. "Okay, how the hell did you know there is a guy, mom?"

Her mother laughed. "You just told me, I was just guessing before," and Joss clenched her teeth together realizing she just had. Great, now she gave her mother more ammo with the spiel about dating and moving on. "So don't keep an old woman waiting in suspense, who is this guy that has caught my beautiful girl's eye?"

"He's a friend."

"Uh-huh."

"He is, momma, he's not ready for anything and neither am I. It's just when I'm around him I feel different," Joss said. "A good different," she further defined. John didn't see her as a weak woman, he saw her as an equal, and it was highly arousing. She had dealt with so many that thought she was inferior because of the color of her skin, her gender, but not John.

"Are you attracted to him?—there needs to be an attraction."

She closed her eyes. "Yes," she whispered.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because I feel like if I say it out too loud it will screw up this thing we have. It's complicated already and adding in that I'm attracted to him won't help. I haven't had a guy I could trust, be myself around, and enjoy spending time with him in a very long time. John is…" she trailed off when she had no words to describe what John was to her.

"So be that. Be friends, trust each other, goof off, be yourself and let him be himself with you, and enjoy spending time together as friends first. There is no timetable on love, honey."

She scoffed. "I'm not in love with John, I just met him like a couple weeks ago." She refused to tell her mother how she met John. Her momma would go ballistic that she didn't tell her what almost happened.

"Look at me baby girl, I fell in love with your dad the moment I met him. Love is a fickle thing and it can happen in an instant or take time to develop with years of trust and friendship. There is no one recipe and that's the beauty of it. You two can explore what's between you when you're both ready."

"Mom, that is if John feels the same way about me as I do about him." Which was 50/50 since John was clearly hung up on his dead whatever Jessica had been to him.

Her mother chuckled. "Oh he feels the same."

"How do you know?"

"Just call it a mother's intuition, Jocelyn, he feels it."

She smiled, not entirely sure she believed her mother's intuition but she did feel better since calling her. "Thanks, momma."

"You never need to thank me, baby girl, I love you and my grandbaby more than anything in this entire world."

"We love you the same, mom."

"Now let me watch my 'Scandal', I got to have me some Olitz," she teased and Joss giggled as she bid her mother a good night and hung up. She knew how into that show her mother was, it was so damn cute. Joss set her cell phone down on the coffee table, got up, and headed to the stairs. She was going to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, then lay in bed with her tablet, and read until she was tired.

* * *

AN: TAYLOR! I love that kid and he takes after his mom ;D And now Momma Joss made her way in this and she'll pop her head in again eventually. I like family moments and I feel like the show under-utilized Joss/Taylor. I guess talking about the machine and it's development was better than delving into your human characters and examined what made them tick *cue eye roll* but not for me. I will forever love the complexity that is John Reese and Joss Carter as individuals and as a couple. Anyways the next chapter there is yet another character that was a one and done on the show that irked me that we never learned how John met the person and never saw again.

Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Joss was irritable. Things went south. The ever elusive man-in-the-suit that was nothing more than speculation was now confirmed with John's prints being found after the case where John saved the judge's son's life but left fingerprints behind. He was rumored to have had a hand in the kidnapping of Judge Samuel Gates' son even though she knew differently. But unfortunately the man-in-the-suit was misunderstood. And her meeting with Harold and John to let him know about the newly minted task force created by the NYPD in his honor that she headed just to remain apprised of the information they received hadn't gone over well. John fluffed it off, shrugging off the new triple threats he was going to have: CIA, NYPD, and the FBI.

" _Carter, you can't prevent my former employers from finding me, not with what I agreed to help do. This purpose you and Harold gave me makes it so I'm not just a ghost anymore."_

John had been right of course, but that was also why she felt so damn guilty. It was why she needed to protect him from the CIA, because it was all her damn fault. She was the one that kept pushing and pursuing him to get him out of that encampment. She had wanted to save him from himself so badly that she had put him in the line of fire with his former employers. They were going to come looking for him and most definitely want to make sure they did the job right this time. And she couldn't let that happen.

But even though she wanted to get pissed at his reasoning, to get angry at the fact that he wasn't taking the threats to his life more seriously, she hadn't had the chance. Instead John and Harold had left to go work a new number while she was called to a crime scene with her new partner in tow: Lionel Fusco, who was another source of an argument for her and John. He seemed to think she was the perfect (albeit reluctant) candidate at getting him on the straight and narrow. John really felt that Fusco was worth saving, she wasn't so sure. Lionel was a dirty cop who probably has done some despicable things, but that wasn't her sorest spot with Fusco. He had tried to kill John. Fusco didn't know what John used to be, didn't know she knew what he had almost done. She noted that Fusco didn't mention that he knew John either which meant John didn't tell Lionel that she was connected with him. And for now that was how it was going to stay, until she knew when or even if she could ever trust him to have her back.

The case she and Fusco were given involved Vincent DeLuca, former mob enforcer who had been found stabbed in his living room with a dull and extremely old kitchen knife. When Fusco read off DeLuca's rap sheet and that he skated on the murder one charge of Marlene Elias, it connected with how she died. The knife was one of the missing pieces of evidence stolen out of the evidence box with the help of John when he worked the Durban number. Someone killed DeLuca in the same manner as Marlene Elias and it was damn personal. The man had been stabbed multiple times with a dull and old kitchen knife. It wasn't a good way to go.

She had met with the detective on the case, Detective Sullivan, aka Sully, and he had given her a new angle on the case: Carl Elias. It had to be the mystery son that fell into the system that wanted to get revenge for the murder of his mother. It just had to be, no one else fit the bill. Unfortunately it seemed Elias was tidying things up. She was called to meet with Sully at his place to pick up some of his notes on Carl Elias, but when she arrived, Sully was dead. She had gotten into a shootout with a man whose face she hadn't gotten a look at but felt sure it was the mystery son.

While she had worked DeLuca's case, she had kept up on what John and Harold had been doing. And she was irritated that he had worked an extremely beautiful woman's number. Her name was Zoe Morgan, some fixer or rather. And she had gotten a front row seat to them flirting when he admonished Zoe to stay out of trouble after the threat to her life was over. Joss stayed quiet and remained rooted where she was, letting the scene play out in front of her without either one's knowledge. She pretended to not notice a thing as she approached him for lunch. It didn't take a brain surgeon to know that John was smitten as he watched the woman walk away. And she did sort of regret the comment she made.

" _Take a picture it will last longer…"_

She frowned at herself as she recalled the snarky comment which hadn't been all that awful. It could have been viewed as teasing but the tone to her voice that accompanied it wasn't teasing. She had been snotty because she was annoyed with him and herself for being annoyed. It was wrong of her as John was a hot blooded forty-two year old man who had every right to notice a beautiful woman like Zoe Morgan. And Zoe Morgan was at liberty to notice John who wasn't unpleasant to look at in the least. But she just couldn't help the fact that she didn't like John looking at any woman or speaking to any that wasn't old enough to be his great-grandmother, the older the better.

Joss slammed her car door shut and along with it her thoughts on the man, on Zoe, and on her own growing thing she felt for him. Nothing could or would happen with John. They were friends and that was it. And she was alright with that because it was something she hadn't had in her life for so long that she nearly forgotten what it was like: he was someone she trusted. She had only two other people in her life before John that she trusted: her mother and her son, and that was it. Now she had three, well maybe four if she counted Harold, which she wasn't sure just yet if she was willing to do.

Joss approached the encampment that she used to visit all the time when trying to get John out of here. She missed seeing Joan, the woman was a pleasure to be around. She liked the woman and it made sense why John gravitated towards her. Joan had a warming smile, kind eyes, and she was gentle. Not to mention she was a hoot, she sure had a sense of humor. Joss entered the encampment and saw her seated alone. Joss walked towards Joan and she seemed to sense her presence as she looked up and smirked.

"You just missed him, cop lady, John just left."

"I'm not here for him. I'm here for you," Joss said as she sat down beside her.

Joan looked surprised. "For me?—for what?—Dish out dirt on our favorite mysterious mutual friend? I'm sorry but I don't know much more to tell you than what I have already."

Joss grinned and shook her head. "I don't want dirt on John. I'm slowly but surely plucking information from his noggin all by my lonesome. Like, did you know he enjoys classic rock and oldies?"

Joan shook her head as she snorted. "Of course you would, cop lady, he makes it no secret he likes you. Although I'm not sure if he even knows, he's that transparent. But please be careful with him, John's got a hard exterior but doesn't seem to be all that tough on the inside, once you manage your way inside that is...I never could. He made me work real hard just to get one full sentence out of him. You, all you had to do is flash your pretty smile at him and he was talking more than he ever talked in the couple months I've known him."

Joss nodded, her smile still in place. She liked Joan even more because they were in agreement and Joan was nearly as good at reading John as she was. "I happen to agree. John isn't what he thinks he is and just needs a bit of help seeing that. But do you have any idea how much you mean to him, Joan?"

"I have a vague idea." Joan murmured. "He swings by bringing me food all the time and veils his attempts at luring me out of the encampment. It's sweet, really, but I'm not leaving," Joan said.

Joss eyed her. "Why?"

"Ask him, he'll explain. So is that why you're here?-because it's not enough that you got John out of this place, that you must now rescue me?" Joan asked softly.

"Well, yea," Joss said, plus it would help John too. John seemed restless all the time, she wasn't sure how much sleep he got at night, with the late nights and early mornings, and she wasn't sure how to help him. He came over to her place a lot, hung around Finch and was trying to find a sense of his new life. But she figured she could get him more relaxed if he wasn't so focused on showing up at the encampment all the time. And he wasn't going to stop coming here as long as Joan was here.

"Well, save yourself the time, cop lady, I don't need saving. John did, I don't because this is where I belong," she said with a wide sweeping gesture of her arm towards the encampment. "Keep your cute little eyes on John, keep him going. He's doing better now that you're in his life and maybe this new friend Richie Rich will help too. Did you now that his friend supplied the entire encampment with blankets and food the other day?" Joan asked and she shook her head. No, she hadn't known that but it didn't surprise her. "But I'll tell you the same thing that I told John, don't worry about me."

Joss nodded as she sat back and just sat with the woman for a few moments in silence and they slowly began talking about the one topic they had truly in common: John. 

* * *

He was restless. He was always restless between numbers. John enjoyed working them because they would become his life, all thoughts were on saving or stopping the number, and the things that tended to break him down were lost mindlessly elsewhere. He had figured going to the encampment would help but it hadn't. Although he did learn from Joan that Harold had supplied every single homeless man and woman in the encampment a blanket, new jackets, or new shoes if they needed it. It mattered to him that those people were taken care of, especially Joan, and he wasn't sure how he felt that Harold was taking up the cause with him. Harold was an odd person but a good one. The conversations they had were enlightening as well as exhausting. Joss was much easier to get to know than Harold was.

Joss.

His attachment to her had not waned but rather grew. He enjoyed being around her. She seemed to enjoy trying to tease a smile out of him and more times than naught he was surprised when it worked. Smiling wasn't one of the things he had done in a very long time until she had spirited herself into his life. Well, he could also add showers, talk, and not drink to the list of things he had not done a lot before she came into his life.

He sought out her place whenever he was feeling similar to how he felt right now. But she was at work and her son was at school, so going to her place now wasn't ideal. He could go to the library but Harold wouldn't be there either. Finch was trying to live a dual life and as much as he wanted to learn who that man was, he wasn't in the mood to learn who his alias was. John wanted to know who Harold Finch was. He would bide his time and wait to learn his routines better and learn when Harold was doing something that was for himself and not for one of his many aliases. But with all his options to divert his attention, he was left alone and he preferred anyone else's company than his own.

John entered Columbus Park as he thoughtlessly walked anywhere just to get away from himself. He paused as he saw a small Chinese man sitting at one of the concrete posts where you could set up a board and play chess. The Chinese man was alone and staring off.

"Hello," the man called out and it surprised John as he was sure he hadn't made a sound. John looked around and realized it was deserted and only he and the older man were there.

"Hello," John responded softly as he realized immediately that the man waited until he spoke to turn his head. The man was blind. He slowly moved over to him.

"Have you ever played xiangqi?" the man asked, motioning to the board.

John smiled as he eyed the board. "I played once or twice," he murmured. A man he befriended, Qiao, on one of his many missions during his CIA days had taught him. An ache ebbed through him as he thought about how Qiao perished. Kara killed him. She had said collateral damage was to be expected. But he had known differently, her eyes told a different story. Kara killed him because he befriended him, she warned him not to. Kara sent him a message with the violent slaying of Qiao that he received: his only friend out there was her and his only thought was the mission.

"Sit," the blind man stated softly. John slowly took up the offer. "What is your name?"

"John."

The man smiled. "John, such a strong name, I'm Mr. Han. You are the first to know how to play xiangqi that I've come across."

"I might be a little rusty. I haven't played in several years." He had met Qiao back in early '07. It had been one of his first missions.

The Chinese man, Mr. Han, smiled as he motioned to the board. "By all means you go first."

John felt his restlessness fade as he concentrated on the battle of wills that the strategic game infused.

* * *

AN: It BUGGED me that we never knew how John met Mr. Han when he appeared in 1x20. They didn't give us anything to explain when John met him, how long he's known him, nothing! Although Mr. Han won't play anything huge I just wanted to give a little more background on Han, I'm still partial to Joan :) Thanks to SWWoman for refreshing my memory on the park, my mind went completely blank! Next chapter is stuff from Get Carter where a baby Careese moment happens.

Thanks for reading XOXOX


	15. Chapter 15

_**AN: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I know it's a day early but I'm not sure if I'll be on or not and I wanted to post something before the holidays hit. I was trying to write a Christmas oneshot for Careese but ran out of time :'(**_

 _ **About this chapter you'll recognize most of it but I did tweak things from Get Carter to fit my little needs, and I don't go full on episodic because that wouldn't be fanfiction that's just rehashing the episode lol. So I kind of picked parts of the episode I wanted to change and add to because it kind of sets up the foundation for Careese especially as I start to diverge from what the show did to heavy AU. I wrote a chapter that I'm sure will have my gutted for it but thankfully it's not for a LONG while from now ;D**_

* * *

Joss entered her darkened home, slamming the door shut behind her. "JOHN! JOHN! SHOW YOURSELF NOW!" she shouted knowing he was here somewhere. He had been lurking around her much more since the night he told her that their super computer spat out her number. She tugged her jackets off angrily. "DAMN IT JOHN, I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!" He appeared out of the shadows in her living room. She was irate and his blue eyes glowed in the darkness of the room. "You didn't have any right," she hissed, so angry she could spit fire.

He stared at her and she flicked a light on. He was standing stiffly in front of her and there was a churning charge in the air between them that could ignite at any given moment.

"I had to," he whispered.

She scoffed. "No you didn't _have_ to. You wanted to. Because you wanted to comb through my life and my past because you feel like Finch and I took liberties with yours!" she countered.

John's blank look didn't change and that infuriated her more. He wasn't going to cop to it. "I have to look for the threat, Joss. Your number is up and there are numerous people that want a good cop like you dead."

"He's Taylor's father!"

"He also has a violent tendency cited in your own words when you brought up a restraining order against him years ago. He was diagnosed with PTSD and has been seeking anger management classes through the VA," he listed as if that explained his irrational desire to go looking into to her ex-husband, when she could have easily told him that Paul wasn't the threat.

"I could have told you all that, John. Why do you think Taylor's visitations with Paul are still supervised? But he's not a threat to me," she stated. Paul was trying to be a better man for their son and once his sponsor said that Paul was rehabilitated and she could sort of trust him with their son, he'd get unsupervised visits. But that was going to take more time and Paul understood that and was working his ass for it.

He eyed her. "I had to rule him out, Joss, I have to know where the threat to you is coming from and I won't apologize for checking into your ex-husband who you once were afraid of. I have to search everyone because I can't let anything happen to you."

She shook her head. "But that's just it, John. I was never afraid of Paul, I wanted Paul to hit rock bottom so he would take that turn for the better. Paul wanted help, he just didn't know how to ask for it. I figured once he lost everything he cared about he would finally realize he needed to make a change."

"Joss…"

"No, look, I know you're worried about my number coming up, John. You made it perfectly clear when you asked me multiple times to take these last few days off, to stop working Ronnie Middleton's homicide and let you deal with Hector Alvarez. But that's not me, John! That's not who I am. I can't sit on the sidelines and let you handle things because my number is up, because it's dangerous. I knew that going into this profession. I knew that this is a thankless and dangerous job. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with saving a life at maybe the cost of my own because I want to help people. I want to protect them. It's why I joined the military and it's why I'm now a cop. I can't turn that person inside me off."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to let me just handle this one, please," John said and she heard an inflection to his voice, it sounded like desperation. It was the only sign of his emotions she had to go on because he was still expressionless. "You have dedicated your life to saving people's lives, let me protect yours."

She shook her head. "I can't. What happens the next time I piss someone off and my number comes up? I'm supposed to call you to save me and go run in the corner? No, John, that isn't happening."

And finally the blank look on John's face was gone. It was subtle. The strong V to his brows was the only giveaway that he was angry with her defiance. "Alright, Carter, do what you must as I will as well," he replied tightly as he moved to walk to her door and she grabbed his wrist tightly.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

He looked down at her and she wondered immediately at what point had they moved so close to one another that she could feel his shallow breath on her face in the softest caress. "It means I will not let anything happen to you, no matter what."

"Who anointed you my unnecessary guardian angel?"

"You did," he said tersely and with that he tugged his hand free as he stalked for the door, opened it, and slammed it shut behind him, leaving her to stare at the door long after he was gone.

* * *

He hadn't slept all night, couldn't, not after his argument with Joss left him even more restless than normal. Instead he prowled the streets of Manhattan throughout the night and into the wee morning hours as the sun rose, needing to keep moving or he'd reach for the bottle that was so alluring. His body thirsted for even just a drop of the heavenly brown liquid that would surely help him deal with the swirling blackhole of emotions inside him that he couldn't make sense of. But he refused himself, needing a clear mind to work the all-important number that was Joss Carter's. She wasn't just another number, she meant something to the world but more importantly she meant something to him and he couldn't let anything happen to her.

Joss wasn't making it easy to protect her with her not listening to him. Why couldn't she just listen to the fact that her life was in danger and he had to protect her at any cost? John sat unmoving on his motorcycle so she didn't spot him while she ate breakfast with her son; he had followed her from her home at a safe distance so he was sure she wouldn't see him at. Taylor had stayed with his grandmother, which was why John had showed up at her home last night, knowing they would argue about the fact that he had done extensive research on her ex-husband.

He turned on the microphone to her phone and listened in on their conversation.

" _What's wrong mom?"_

" _Nothing…"_

" _Come on, I know you better than that, something is on your mind. What's going on?"_

" _Really, baby, nothing, it's nothing you need to worry about. But I think it's best if you stay with grandma for another few days."_ John felt himself relax as he listened to the conversation. At least she was taking some precautions even if it wasn't to protect herself. She was protecting her son.

" _Why?"_

" _Because I'm your mother and what I say goes."_

" _Mom,"_ her kid sighed dramatically _._

" _Too much huh? It's just there is a case I'm working on and it's going to chew up a lot of my time and I don't want you coming home to an empty place."_

" _I won't be. John will be around. He's always around, we can hang out until you get home from work."_ Taylor said and John frowned. He really did need to stop showing up to their place so often. _"What are you not telling me, mom? Did you and Mr. Badass have a fight?"_

" _What? How did you know about the fight?"_ John agreed with Joss, how did the boy know about the fight they had last night? Her kid didn't look sneaky to place bugs on them.

" _You did!"_

" _Great, I walked into that one didn't I, Tay."_

" _Which is unusual so something has to be bothering you, what was it about? You can't be upset that he comes in all the time, because if you were, you'd put a stop to it the first time it happened. What happened?"_

" _Nothing, it's nothing and we didn't fight really, it was more of a disagreement."_

" _About? John likes you, mom. I think he really likes you."_ John froze. Was the boy thinking he liked his mother in more than a platonic way? He couldn't even think like that. Not now, not when he still felt raw over what happened to Jessica, not when his life was a walking time bomb. He never knew when the next moment would be his last. This purpose he had now, dictated to a life of being alone and he was okay with that. He would never have anything to offer a woman like Joss.

" _Taylor, John and I, is my business, not yours and mine. Got it?"_ she said sternly. And John frowned at that response. It was confusing. Why didn't she just tell the boy they were just friends?

" _Yea, I got it, mom. Plus he looks like he's been kicked when he's been down a few times, I think he needs some time to be alone first."_

" _He has, baby, you have no idea."_

" _But he has you to have his back, as he has yours."_

" _Yes…"_

" _That means something to you, mom."_

" _It does, it means I trust him and that doesn't come lightly for me."_

" _I trust him too. I know he won't hurt you, mom, never in a million years."_

John immediately muted their conversation. He couldn't take listening anymore. They were putting too much trust in him. He didn't deserve it. If there was one thing he learned throughout his life that he was especially good at, it was hurting and pushing away the ones he cared most about.

He connected with Finch. "Did you find anything else out of who could want Joss dead?" he demanded thickly, trying frantically to banish their words away. Unwelcome wishes of being something more than what he was plagued him, and he carefully drowned the white noise out.

* * *

Joss arrived at the Kovach's house with Fusco by her side and weapons drawn after the terrified phone call she received from Mrs. Kovach. "NYPD, open up!" she said as they immediately entered and they slowly moved through the home.

"Shouldn't we wait for backup; I got a bad feeling about this," Fusco panted from the exertion at keeping up with this woman.

She ignored him, knowing John had put him on guard dog duty with her. "Mr. Kovach, it's the police put down your weapon!" she shouted. This day had been long and she felt extremely close at getting Hector Alvarez and she couldn't wait. She had gotten a warrant for the warehouse his mistress told her about. But saving Mrs. Kovach was one of her 'numbers' if you wanted to call it that. It was her shot of preventing a murder from happening.

Joss looked around for the husband that was going to harm to his wife and frowned when she found him strung up to the ceiling in the hall, moaning in pain. "Somebody gift wrapped him for us," Fusco commented dryly. She frowned, knowing without a shadow of a doubt who had done this as she walked around calling for Mrs. Kovach. She heard soft crying coming from a nearby room with the door busted in.

Joss hurried over to her as she was sitting on the side of the tub, softly crying. "You okay?"

"He was going to kill me…if that man hadn't showed up…." she said, crying as she shook and stood up, then phone she was clutching rang. Joss kept a steady hand on Mrs. Kovach's arm as she slowly answered it. "Hello? After a moment she handed her the phone. "It's for you."

Joss knew it was coming as she grabbed the phone. "I guess I should thank you?" she snapped as she exited the bathroom, ready to skin him a new hide. She exited the apartment complex completely knowing he was around here somewhere.

"Your number is up and I didn't want you entering a situation like that," he answered as he stepped forward out of the shadows and she nearly took a step back away from him. His haunting blue eyes were full of anger, at her or the situation he saved Mrs. Kovach from, she wasn't sure. She slowly lowered the phone and stared at him. "Take it seriously."

She snorted derisively. "You're one to talk! I've been asking you to take your safety seriously since we started this thing. John, I am a homicide detective, I'm always in danger. My number probably has come up a few hundred times for Harold; as a cop I piss off a lot of bad people."

"Your number hasn't ever come up. This is different, so take more precautions," he snapped.

Joss mentally counted to ten. These last few days had been trying with John. He was hovering nearby nearly twenty-four hours a day and he was extremely tense and chippy.

"Listen, John, you're my friend and I am grateful that you care about me but you do not get the right to take over my life. Did you really think I didn't see you while I was meeting with my C.I. this afternoon? I did, I saw you, since I practically can feel you near me."

"Can you just be more careful, Joss?"

She shook her head. "But that's not what you want. You want me to go sit in the corner and duck my head until the coast is clear, but that's not happening, John."

"I'm not arguing about this again. Since you made it perfectly clear you won't stop then you need to be more careful. Hector Alvarez is running guns, he has an arsenal at his fingertips so wear a bullet proof vest during the bust. And just so you know, I'll be there, regardless if you want me to or not. I can't let anything happen to you," he whispered brushing his hand against hers as he went to walk past her, to disappear into thin air again.

She pressed her hand into his. "Hey," she said and he paused to look at her. "John, it's not up to you to save me. I can save myself, handle myself, trust in that." He silently stared at her. "I'm not Jessica," she pressed softly and he flinched but it was necessary to say. She needed him to understand she wasn't something he needed to protect. She did the protecting and serving.

He didn't say anything, rather he let his hand linger against hers for a moment longer before he walked away into the darkness and she turned around to march back into the Kovach home.

* * *

Joss could practically feel John's vision on her as she walked to meet with BC, of course he wasn't happy with Hector being arrested. John wasn't going to be happy until he knew for damn sure her number was done being up. She knew he had been at the Hector Alvarez bust because he said he would be. Call her crazy but she thought she saw him as a member of the SWAT team. That was too damn close to the men in blue that were looking for the elusive man-in-the-suit. She was going to have to talk with him about running amuck as the man in the suit right under the noses of the people looking to catch him.

She rounded the corner and found BC waiting for her, looking odd. "Where you've been, you said you were going to buy me dinner, I've been waiting?" he asked, shuffling his feet and not looking her in the eye.

"I'm sorry, BC, I have to fill out a requisition for the big pay out," she said and eyed him as he looked around the alleyway. "But look, why don't you take what I got." She handed him the money she had in her pocket.

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, just call it a down payment, okay, I want you to have that." She said. She knew how hard BC worked to clean up his act and he was a nice guy even if he was down on his luck.

He took it with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry Carter you've always been good to me, but I don't have any choice," he said and looked shifty and she eyed him. "You told me to find that guy Elias, well I found him," he said as he pulled out his gun and shot her in the chest.

Joss gasped as she fell backward from the force of the point blank shot. She landed hard on her back, her head smacked the pavement, giving her stars, stunning her. Not just from the pain but from the fact that BC shot her.

"Sorry, said it was either going to be you or it was going to be me. And it ain't going to be me," BC promised as he stood above her aiming his pistol at her head. Joss couldn't believe this was how it was going to end for her. Elias was going to get the last laugh. She closed her eyes as a gun went off, not once but twice, but she didn't feel any pain and her eyes snapped open as she heard a body hit the ground in the otherwise eerie silent alleyway. Heavy male footfalls were next and they grew closer and she gasped in relief and pain as she realized John was there. John had stopped BC from killing her, she squirmed in the pain and gasped as the bullet that was lodged in her vest would have surely went into her heart was, making it hard to breathe at the moment.

"Joss," he whispered urgently as he kneeled down by her, immediately undoing her shirt and nearly cried in relief. "You wore the vest," he said gruffly.

She gasped in answer. How could she not?—when he had been desperate for her to listen to him, even though they had an argument she wanted to put his mind at ease and worn the vest. She figured she owed him that much.

"Why do you have to do everything alone, Joss?"

She grabbed her chest as the pain burned there. "Can't trust anyone," she bit out.

"You can trust me," he whispered as he gently brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "Because whether you like it or not, you're not alone, not anymore."

And she believed him. "Go, John," she forced herself to speak. "Cops will be coming."

"I can't leave you here."

"You have to, they'll arrest you," she said breathlessly as the sirens were growing louder. Someone had called it in that shots had been fired. "Please, John, you can't be here, I don't want you arrested," she pled.

John touched her face as he reluctantly got to his feet and disappeared into the darkness.

* * *

"Mr. Reese, is Jocelyn alright?" Finch asked via the earwig.

"She is, she's currently surrounded by officers and detectives having to explain what happened, but I'm going to put an end to this tonight." John murmured as he drove to where Fusco reported that he last saw the Captain at. He had Lionel keep an eye on the Captain for him just in case and now he needed to make something perfectly clear to both HR and Elias.

He muted Finch as he calmly and quietly maneuvered the precinct after flashing Stills' badge. He got to the rooftop where the Captain was standing, gazing out at New York, about to light up a cigarette, with his profile to him. John was careful to not make a sound as he approached him, fighting the real growing wish to fling this man off the building and watch him plummet to his death for helping Elias try to kill Joss. But the captain served more purpose alive at this moment than dead. He was necessary to run a message up to Elias for him.

The captain turned at the exact moment he wanted him to and John pushed him up against the edge of the rooftop. "Bodies that fall from this height are messy, of course I don't care about making it look clean. Unlike your pal, Elias," John murmured through clenched teeth.

"I don't know who you are but you're threatening a captain." John tried to cap his rage, so instead of doing as he wished and dangle him off the building, making him beg for his life, he instead grabbed the gun right within his reach and placed it on his chest. "Okay, okay!"

"Elias can't kill a cop without permission. Run this up the chain of command. Permission has been revoked. Tell Elias if he so much as touches Detective Carter again I will put you, him, everyone, in the ground. I don't like killing or the suffering so I've spent years learning how to do it painlessly but if you try to touch her again I'll make the last minutes of your life last an eternity so that you'll be begging for death. There will be nowhere you could run that will save you from me, she's mine, stay away from her. Got it?"

The Captain mutely nodded and with that Reese turned and walked away, feeling uneven, and felt one second away from pulling the trigger. He shook with barely suppressed rage and guilt wearing him down as he maneuvered the stairwell to leave the precinct as quickly as he had come. Had he just not saved Charlie Burton, aka Carl Elias, none of this would have happened. Joss would never have been in danger and it's all because of him. Her number had come up because he saved Elias.

And suddenly it became imperative that he see Joss, to make sure she was truly alive and that he hadn't cost someone like her, her life. He needed to see her more than he needed rest. He climbed onto his motorcycle, tugged his helmet on, and sped to her place. By now the questioning should be done as he had been watching her try to explain what happened before he left to go have his unsavory meeting with the captain. If he knew Carter as well as he figured then she would have refused to be taken to the hospital by ambulance and was at home. He would just swing by, see her, and then leave.

John approached her home and parked curbside which was new for him. He typically parked on a different street, lurked in the shadows, and let himself in the backdoor. But tonight he was frantic that he didn't do any of that. However, he did take a sweeping look to make sure no one was watching her place that didn't belong that could be an enemy. But there wasn't anyone. Not yet. Surely with his prints being found and with Carter claiming the man-in-the-suit saved her, the CIA would be sniffing around her soon enough. But thankfully, not tonight.

John picked the lock and entered her home. He closed the door quietly, relocking the latch, before looking around the main level that was completely dark and didn't find her. He slowly took the stairs navigating the dark home with ease as he had let himself into her place many times now. He searched her out but found nothing until he saw the bathroom door to her ensuite closed with a light peeking out under the crack.

He walked up to it and leaned his head against the door, eyed closed and just grateful she was alright. He had been so close to emptying the gun in that C.I. of hers that shot her. Shooting him repeatedly would not have done anything with the surge of blinding rage and fear he felt when he saw Joss on the ground with a gun aimed at her head. He had nearly shot her C.I. in the head rather than the shoulder, but it had been a split second decision not to, because of her. He knew Joss wouldn't approve of killing the man, of shooting him in the head even though the guy was about to do the very thing to her. Joss was better than her C.I., Elias, him, and practically everyone in this world.

"John, I know you're there," she called out softly.

His eyes opened but he didn't pull his forehead away from the door. "I just needed to know you were safe," he admitted.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

He leaned his head back and before he could think better of it, he opened the door and found her lounging in her bathtub with bubbles keeping her decent. She squeaked in surprise as she shifted in the bathtub. John stared at her feeling, the blood draining from his brain to pool in his groin as he felt himself react to the sight of her as he eyed the bubbles blocking his view of her naked chest. He didn't have the best imagination but when it came to Joss, he did, and he knew she would be perfect from head to toe. His eyes sought out her face slowly and his desire that was surging to life died out immediately. She had been crying.

"You were crying," he said gruffly as he stood in the doorframe of her bathroom.

She shrugged. "It's been a long day, John," she admitted after a few seconds, reaching up a wet hand to wipe her cheeks, sprinkling bubbles on her face. "But I'm fine."

"No you're not," he growled gently. He curled his hands into fists, considering asking Finch to find out where her C.I. was taken. He would make sure that Joss never had to see him again, BC (as Joss called him) would only come out of that room in a body bag.

"Look, I don't want you to go to the hospital that BC's at and shoot him again or worse. I'm fine. It's just if you hadn't come when you did, I'd be dead from someone I trusted, and I was just feeling….overwhelmed," she tried to explain. "But that's it, John, I'm just overtired and in need of a good night's sleep. I have a lot of questions I have to answer tomorrow for the I.A. investigators and the detectives handling the case. I named you my savior and it's making the NYPD scratch their heads as to why a homicidal ex-op saved my life," she said with a light tilt up of her lips into the smallest and briefest smiles.

Joss sighed when he didn't say a word and certainly didn't relax any. "John, can you maybe exit so I can get out of the tub. The water is getting cold," she asked softly.

He whirled around and exited the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him. She grimaced as she got to her feet and sprayed herself down to wash the bubbles off of her skin. She climbed out of the tub, unplugged it and heard a gurgling as the water rushed to go down the drain all at once. She toweled herself dry before tugging on her purple satin robe, tying the sash around her midsection tight, knowing he was still there. Most likely prowling her bedroom and she felt smacked with a wave of desire at the mere thought of John in her bedroom.

Joss mentally prepared herself before she opened the door; sure enough he was in her room pacing back and forth by her bed. His usual expressionless face was etched with lines of fatigue and worry and something else, something dangerous and wild. It was a sexy combination.

"I made sure Elias can't hurt you," he said after he realized she exited her bathroom, his agitated pacing ceased instantly.

"John, I know you think this is somehow your fault because you helped save Elias's life but you didn't know Charlie Burton was going to turn out to be Carl Elias. And it's not your fault he came after me."

"Well, he knows now that if he comes for you ever again that will be the last thing he ever does."

"John, I will not have you kill a man in my name."

He stared at her. "I will kill anyone that hurts you. No one will stop me, not even you." Joss stared into his eyes. John meant every word.

"It won't come to that."

"They better pray it doesn't." he whispered thickly. "You're mine to protect." She felt a shiver at the possessive statement. And for some dreadful and unwelcome reason she liked it.

"I'm not a piece of property, John."

"I know you're not," he agreed. He reached out with an unsteady hand and brushed his fingertips against her cheek, her breath hitching at the light touch, and she saw he had come away with bubbles. "Get some rest, Joss."

"You too, John, you look exhausted," she said.

"Knowing you're safe, I'll be able to sleep," John said before turning and walking for the doorway of her bedroom and she exhaled, her heart was beating fast and her pulse was racing, all of which she hadn't been aware of with him in the room. Joss stood still as a statue and listened for the front door to open and close. And when it finally did, she undid her robe laid down in her bed naked, laying there with her body abuzz and not as close to collapsing in bed as she once was before he had come by. Now her body felt oddly energized and with no real outlet for it.

* * *

AN: Poor John and Joss still muddling their way through this thing they feel, taking us along for the ride. Possessive and homicidal John is fun to write but there are two things you don't do: go after Joss or mess with kids. I mean you just don't do it. Anyways again I hope everyone has safe and happy holidays, and the next chapter deals with Number Crunch ;D

Thanks for reading XOXOXOX


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN: Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and since it's finally done I am able to breathe again :) Thanks for being patient with me these last few weeks as December is always insane for me!**_

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Joss was in a bad mood. And it wasn't all solely due to the fact that she was livid with the I.A. and the NYPD investigation into the shooting of her former C.I., BC. Some of the blame rested squarely on her and John's shoulders. She had gotten a rotten night of sleep because, after John left her, her body had taken a damn long time to settle down and her brain hadn't been able to shut down. Sure she could blame it on nearly getting shot and killed, which was partly why she wasn't able to settle down enough to sleep. But there was another factor in her restless night and it was because of the fire that blazed through her veins for John.

Pretending that she was just friends with John worked with the man himself but didn't work on her body because it wanted John in a very unfriendly manner. She was done supplying the irrational reasoning to the notion that nothing could ever happen with John. It was a lie she was spoon-feeding herself and she was sick of doing it. Not that she could do anything about her feelings and desires yet. John wasn't emotionally healthy enough to handle anything right now, he was just getting a handle on friendship, and she wasn't willing to put him in a situation that would be awkward for them both. It was best for now to keep her feelings and thoughts buried and unknown. Joss had gotten pretty damn good at putting her feelings and well-being second for others and she would just do the same thing with John. His emotional well-being and feelings were more important than hers and he would never have to know what she thought about when she was alone. Maybe once she noticed he was better emotionally and took that first step with her, then she would think of herself and go for it with him but until then she was content with being his friend. Besides, right now they had more important things to deal with than her feelings for him.

Like the NYPD.

Joss angrily marched to her desk after having been lit up from one side to other with the I.A. investigators and the detectives from the 10th precinct whose jurisdiction the case fell under. She was angry with their questions making it feel like it was all her fault, and for the fact that they thought John was this great evildoer and everything that went bump in the night automatically meant he had a hand in it. Sometimes she wondered if some of her fellow cops lived under a rock because the city was in a state of disarray since the economy took a dump and that had been well before the man-in-the-suit ever showed his face.

She sat down gingerly, still dealing with the pain from the bullet that had lodged itself in her vest. The colorful bruise she woke up too this morning had been bigger than her fist. But even that couldn't keep her away from work this morning.

"Hey Carter, you were just shot, why not take the day off?" she glanced up at Fusco's voice as he sauntered over to her.

She eyed Fusco. "My vest got shot, it can take the day off." she sniped. She was angry at the situation she was in and being on desk duty. It sucked.

"How did things go?" he asked as he stopped before her, sounding generally concerned for her.

She relented a little on him. "Like they normally go, they make you feel like you shot your mother," she answered less hostilely. "I'm on official desk duty which means if you need any help let me know because I'm going to go out of mind in boredom."

"I'll definitely take you up on that offer if I need to," he reassured with a quick smirk as he turned and waltzed to his desk. She nodded as she picked up her pencil and frowned before she slammed it back onto her desktop and grabbed her cell phone. She called John. She impatiently tapped her fingers to the desk as she waited for him to pick up.

"Hello, detective," he greeted softly and she smiled despite herself.

"Hey yourself, please tell me you and Finch got a new case," she whispered.

"We did, actually it's quite unusual since we got four numbers all at once. Why?"

"Need any help with it?" She'd do anything to do something besides pushing her pencil.

"What's wrong, Carter?"

She exhaled as she leaned back. "Got placed on desk duty until the investigation into BC's shooting is complete which will be in a couple days. Plus, I hate how everyone thinks you are this villain and everything bad that happens is your fault."

"I'm just misunderstood, Joss. Admit it, if you didn't know what you know about me, you'd think I'm a person to be locked up too."

She sighed. "Yea and I'd hunt you down to lock you up. And I'd succeed, unlike these idiots who you run circles around."

She thought she heard him laugh softly. Joss smiled feeling better already since calling him. "You just want me in your handcuffs, detective." he said softly.

Joss paused at the flirty comment. "On certain days when you break so many laws at once I envision you in the back of my car, in handcuffs." she agreed fluffing it off as wishful thinking.

"Maybe I just enjoy flustering you,"

"I think you enjoy pissing me off," she countered.

This time she was sure she heard laughter. "I'm sorry Joss, but as of right now we don't need anything but if I do, you'll be my first call."

"I better be because I'm going to die of boredom and if that happens I'm going to haunt your ass for letting me."

"There are far worse things than having you around all the time," he murmured.

Okay now she was sure that was a flirty comment. She narrowed her eyes, what was he buttering her up for? But before she got to question him as to why he hung up with her and left her wondering. 

* * *

Joss was dreaming up ways of how to pay John back for choosing to take Fusco out to work the numbers and not her. Fusco had bailed on her and Finch told her why, because Fusco was needed to watch one of the three remaining numbers. And she recalled that John had said she was his first call, which she reminded him when she called him to bitch him out. Oh sure he had an excuse ready, it was done with her in mind. And sure, his reasoning was sound, that the I.A. investigators and the NYPD would follow her and if he was caught because of her she would never forgive herself, which was true. But she was still miffed.

John owed her for this one, because while they were out traipsing around she was stuck in the precinct watching the security footage of the crash that all their numbers were at the previous night and getting them leads. She had been hard at work doing just that when her captain yanked her into his office.

Joss entered slowly noting a bald headed man lounging against a table near the door. She frowned knowing without a shadow of a doubt this guy was CIA. "Sit down, Carter," her captain spoke.

She eyed her captain fully. "I prefer to stand."

"And I'm your commanding officer and I told you to sit down," he stated this time with more force. She gritted her teeth, mumbling a curse name just for him under her breath as she sat down.

"Okay, captain, what is this about?"

"You're heading the task force that is trying to find this man-in-the-suit, right?" he asked knowing the answer already.

"Yea." she agreed.

The captain leaned forward as he shoved the file on John forward. "And this is all you have?"

"It's all anyone gets. He's tall, dark, wears a suit and happens to be there when something bad happens. From what we can gather he's an ex-op and that's it."

"He's ex-CIA," the bald headed man spoke up.

She turned to eye him. "Like you." she kept the sneer out of her voice, barely.

The man nodded. "I'm Agent Snow, we are looking for him."

"Good luck finding him because I've been searching since the first concrete evidence that he was real came to light. I want to catch this guy too,"she lied.

"Carter," She turned to look back at her captain. "Why did he save your life? Why did he save the life of one of the officers trying to catch him?" her captain asked.

"I don't know, Cap', you'll have to ask him that when I bring his ass in."

"Did he say anything to you when he saved you?" her captain further questioned. She felt like she was back in the interrogation room with the I.A. investigators.

Joss flashed to what he did say to her but kept her face blank. "No, he shot my C.I. who was about to kill me, paused to look down at me from the shadows and then left as quickly as he came. I don't know what he was thinking last night, but whatever it was I'm grateful because he saved my life."

The captain leaned back. "Maybe that's why. Maybe he wanted you to feel indebted to him so you would stop trying to catch him because he saved your life."

"That isn't going to happen. I'm grateful, but he's still a murderer, someone we need to catch bring in on questioning for multiple crimes recently," she said, playing the game. She felt bad saying these things about John, the same things John already felt about himself, but she couldn't let anyone in on the fact that she knew the man in the suit.

"May I speak to your detective alone, sir?" Joss stiffened as the CIA agent in the room spoke up. He had been quiet, just listening to her talk with her captain. The captain nodded as he stood up and she did as well. She turned to focus her attention on the man, Mark Snow, as her captain exited the office with a soft closing of the door. Joss crossed her arms across her chest, reading him, and didn't like what she found. His body language gave off an air of arrogance. He looked mistrusting and he had this smarmy look on his face. She was going to have to ask John who this guy was.

"He likes you, which doesn't bode well for you detective," Snow said after a few moments of quiet scrutiny as if he was analyzing her as much as she was of him.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I was his best friend," he said softly. Joss tried damn hard not to snort because she didn't believe that line of bull at all. She tracked his movements with her sharp eyes as Agent Snow reached into his coat pocket and tugged out something and handed it to her. She reluctantly unfolded her arms and took the picture. It was of a pretty brunette woman.

"And this is?" she led.

"Reese's former partner, Kara. They were a team, inseparable, and saved one another's lives a dozen times. He liked her once too. Liked her all the way up til the moment he killed her and then he disappeared. We believed he was dead until his prints were run."

Joss didn't care for all the garbage he was trying to shovel down her throat. But then he didn't know what she knew, that John was burned by the agency he worked for. She wouldn't put it past this guy as being the one that pulled the whole thing off.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked not bothering to hide her distaste for him or her skepticism.

"Because it seems he has taken a liking to you and I doubt you'll end up any differently than Kara. John is an incredibly dangerous man, an incredibly gifted man that was nearly destroyed by the things he was made to do. I'm trying to prevent you from being killed like Kara, detective. He saved your life just as he once saved Kara's, which means he might try to reach out to you and that could mean trouble for you."

"And what if he does? What are you going to do?"

"I want to catch him and get him the help he needs."

She handed him the photo back. "Agent Snow, I worked as an army interrogator for a long time and I was pretty damn good at it. I was forced to retire…medical. I've met lots of guys just like you on the other side. And you know what I've been pretty good at hearing…a lie. I got real good at searching for their 'tells' you know the things that most people do subconsciously as they tell a lie; whether it's a twitch of the eye, not making eye contact as they say it, a restless movement of their hand, or a subtle shifting of their feet. Most that speak lies and say them often, pride themselves into believing that they don't have a tell which I'm sure you are arrogant enough to believe. Yours isn't large it's very subtle, but you still have one. You're lying to me and whatever it is makes me not trust you, so if he calls you won't be getting a call from me. I'll catch him myself and see what you are lying about," she said as she got into his face.

The man had an irritating smirk on his face. "Detective, I'm trying to help you. John is a danger to you, to himself, and to others," he tried to justify himself.

Joss smirked. "I don't need or want your kind of 'help'," she stated as she brushed past him, opened the door, and exited the room.

* * *

It was late in the evening. Joss was hurriedly gathering her things to head to the hospital's parking garage that John called her to head to. He told her that she could nab murderers to make her look good to her captain. It was sweet of John to try to make it up to her for calling Fusco instead of her, but she should really tell him she wasn't angry any longer because he had been thinking of her benefit. She was just yanking on her suit blazer when her cell rang.

She tugged it out, seeing it was Harold. She answered it. "Hey Finch, John already called me to let me know where they're at, I'm heading there right now to go collect the attackers."

"That's not why I'm calling Detective! John was found! Oh dear, he was found!" Finch said panicked and Joss froze immediately.

"John was found by whom?" Please, don't be who she thought they were.

"CIA."

She shook her head. "No, I stonewalled them," she whispered, looking around, making sure there were no ears listening in on her.

"I still have your desk under surveillance after your number came up, and they tapped your desk phone detective. They know where John is because he called you there instead of your cell phone. I suspect they tapped it while you were in your meeting with Agent Snow."

Joss felt her heart stop, not even angry about the fact that he had her desk under surveillance. "They know because of me..."

"It's not your fault, detective, but it's imperative that we get to John before the CIA does. I don't have to tell you how awful that would be."

But Joss didn't hear his words because she hung up on him, tears welling up in her eyes as she ran through the double doors. She had to get to John before the CIA did.

Joss ran to her car, everything was a blur as she called John and got a busy signal. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe he was on the phone with Harold. That meant that John was still alive. She flung her phone beside her while berating herself as she sped as fast as she could. She should have known that they would tap her phone. The CIA was like that, those bastards; Snow talked to her kept her distracted while he had a lackey tap her phone.

She clutched the steering wheel tightly that turned her knuckles white as she blinked rapidly trying to control the emotions. Guilt, anger, and fear were all warring for control of her right now. "Please let him be alright, please," she whispered.

Joss slammed on the brakes as she entered the parking garage of the hospital John had called her to be at a little under ten minutes later. She didn't see anything and she grabbed her phone in a shaky hand and texted Fusco. Let him get the caller and be the hero in the precinct. She only wanted to help John at this point. She flung the cell down as movement to her right caught her attention as a door opened.

"JOHN!" she cried as he staggered out, a large crimson stain spreading out from under his hand. He was sweaty and pale. She climbed out of her car and ran to him in a flash. She heard screeching tires and Harold's own frightened voice. She didn't focus on Harold as she rushed to John, grabbing a hold of him.

Joss glanced at Harold, snuffing out emotion and kept a cool professionalism in place. "Get him in your car, Harold, I'll take care of Snow," she vowed. As she helped Harold usher John to his Lincoln, Harold nodded and reluctantly let go of John's arm and she supported his weight as he leaned on her, breathing unevenly. "You'll be alright, John," she whispered.

He didn't say anything, didn't call her a liar thankfully. Joss needed to believe he would be alright. She helped him climb into the backseat. "Go!" she commanded as she slammed the door shut and Harold didn't need to be told twice as he peeled out of there, leaving her to watch him.

Joss heard another set of screeching tires and cursing as doors slammed shut. She turned and eyed Snow angrily. "You," she sneered.

"Carter, did you see him?!" he demanded as he walked towards her.

"How the hell did you know he was going to be here?!" she demanded. There was no emotion on her face. She carefully deadened her expression to mask the pain she was in. She was scared she was going to lose John. "You tapped my phone, didn't you? Where he is, I want to bring him in?" she demanded, looking around Snow.

"I don't know, he got away." Snow growled.

Joss narrowed her eyes on his friend in the driver's seat, seeing the sniper rifle. "You had no intentions of bringing him in. That's what you were lying about!"

"It was just for precaution if things went south with John. He's a dangerous man and I didn't want him to harm an innocent person."

She scoffed. "I'm going to find him and arrest him and when I do, I'm going to make sure he tells me exactly what happened. You're hiding something and you are willing to kill him for it."

Snow eyed her suddenly. "You might be good at hearing lies but so am I, detective. You saw him, didn't you?"

She didn't give anything away. "If I did, you'd think I'd let him go?"

"I think you would because he saved your life, so you saved his." Snow said, his eyes searching hers.

She smirked. "Then you don't know me very well because if it came down to thanking him or arresting him, no doubt I'd arrest him," she stated. And then sirens filled the air and Snow grew agitated. She didn't need to say anything else because Snow turned and rushed back to the dark SUV and they drove away, going the same way as Harold had. She just prayed John was alright. She stared at the way they left when she heard footsteps approach her.

"Yo, earth to Carter, where are these killers?"

She forced herself to turn and eye Fusco. "Follow me," if she knew John as much as she believed she did he had gift wrapped them in zip-ties and blown-out knees. John risked his life to save the girls and she was going to damn well get those killers for him and then go home and have a nice long cry because she got a good man shot.

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AN: I'm going to try to post this story much quicker than one chapter every ten days but since December is over with I'll have more time to do exactly that. Again thanks for being patient.


	17. Chapter 17

_**AN: Meh, I tried to have this up last night but ran out of hours in the day to get everything done. Hope today is okay. This chapter has things from Super :)**_

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Joss didn't sleep all night; couldn't, not when all her thoughts had revolved around a certain tall, dark, and wounded man that she didn't want to lose, not when she was just being granted an opportunity to get to know him better. And getting to know John was an honor. So she cried, got angry, watched some stupid infomercials, and even went into her basement, got on the treadmill and ran for over an hour. By the end of it, it was two in the morning and she was sweaty but no closer to being exhausted enough to sleep. Joss nearly took a restless walk like John would do. She almost called Harold many times to find out if John was alright, but didn't. All focus needed to be on John, not trying to console her and her guilty conscience.

Joss exited her home, ready for work, and rolled her eyes when she saw the food truck. They weren't even trying to hide the fact that they were tailing her, were they? The real growing urge to give them the finger, to let them know she knew they were there, nearly got the better of her. It would serve no purpose in doing so, it wouldn't help her deal with her anger that was festering after what they did to John. No, the only thing that would help deal with that anger was to get rid of Mark Snow and the CIA from circulating John like vultures. But the question was how? Maybe she would meet up with Harold and they could brainstorm.

She ignored the obvious misplaced food truck, climbing into her car, deciding they didn't deserve her time of day and drove away. She rolled her eyes as she watched the truck pull away from the curb a good thirty yards back. She focused on what she could control, work.

Joss entered the precinct minutes later and saw that Fusco had beat her there, which didn't happen very often. Joss preferred being one of the first there (unless having breakfast with her son) and the last to leave. Fusco looked worried, he no doubt was told by Finch about John. She sat down at her desk, tugging out her son's cell phone. She didn't trust the CIA at not tracking her phone but why would they need her boy's? They wouldn't and she spooked her boy when she asked to switch. Taylor was worried about John nearly as much as she was.

She desperately needed coffee but she needed to know about John more. She called Finch and he answered after a couple rings. "How is he?" she asked softly the moment she heard his breathless 'hello'.

"Alive thankfully, detective, we got to him in time. I found someone who patched him up with no questions asked, so the CIA won't find him from that route," Harold reassured her and she exhaled roughly, at least some of her prayers had been answered. John was alive, and for now, safe.

"Oh thank god," she said happily. "Are you in hiding?—the CIA won't give up searching for him."

"I have John someplace safe," Finch said.

She nodded. "Good, I have the CIA following me right now, which is why I'm using my son's phone."

"Be careful, detective."

She smiled softly. "You don't need to worry about me, Finch, just keep an eye on our mutual friend and get him healed."

"I will but, unfortunately the numbers don't wait for anyone."

"You have a number? I'll help. John needs to concentrate on his recovery, not working a number."

"I agree but maybe its best for now if you stay away, detective, and let me handle this number alone with some counsel from John. The CIA is hovering around you, thinking you are going to lead them to John and we can't have them finding him again, Jocelyn. Mr. Reese won't be able to survive a second go-around," he said and she felt herself deflate. Of course he was right. She was a liability to them right now with the CIA sticking to her like glue and she would rather die than help them hurt John again.

"Yea, sure, call me if you need me," she said quietly.

Finch hesitated. "Detective, it's just for now, until we can figure out how to get you out from under the CIA's watch," he said softly, sounding like he was trying to comfort her.

"I know," she agreed.

Finch once more hesitated. "If you wish, detective, I could go get Mr. Reese. He is in the next room, resting," he offered and she shook her head.

"No, don't, he needs that, like I said, call me if you need my help. I'll do my best at stonewalling the asses that did this to John," she promised and hung up with Harold before he could say anything else.

"Hey, Carter…"

She blinked and looked up, seeing Fusco staring at her. "What's up, Fusco?"

"You okay?—you kind of look upset or something."

She sighed, that must be why Finch was concerned. If she looked upset then she didn't color her voice well either. "Fine Fusco, just had a rough night. How about you, how about you help me look into our unsolved cases, I have a few on my docket?" she suggested. John thought she could help save Fusco and she was going to damn well prove to him that she deserved to have that trust bestowed upon her. 

* * *

"Is Joss alright?" John asked as he wheeled himself into the room and Harold hid a smile.

"She's doing alright, Mr. Reese, and wants you to concentrate on healing," he murmured.

Detective Carter seemed to be perpetually on John's mind which was good because she was a wonderful person. Jocelyn, on more than one occasion, could have arrested him, or chosen to not help him with the numbers (even though he had hid the truth from her) but she hadn't. She had chosen to take a chance on him, chose to believe in him and in his word that he merely wanted to help. Jocelyn had asked pointed questions, trying to gain more understanding about him and what he did, so Harold tried to give her enough of the truth to satisfy her and yet not answer. It worked and they had an unusual partnership until she had found Mr. Reese for him.

It was no wonder why John gravitated towards Jocelyn, there was this warmth that ebbed from her that he even felt. Although he was quite sure his interest in the detective was far different from John's, who didn't seem to hide his enamored look whenever she was around. He wasn't sure if John even knew how he felt after being numb for so long. His extensive knowledge on John led him to believe that Mr. Reese didn't have many good people in his prior life, if any at all. His former employers and so-called friends that he had been surrounded by either tried to kill him or betrayed him some other way. But Harold wondered and not for the first time if John's troubles of finding someone to trust in and rely on were far more embedded in him than just merely his stint in the agency.

But even though he knew everything on paper about Mr. Reese he was slowly learning new things about the man as he took the time to get to know him in person. There were just some things that surveillance, hacking government databases, and background checks didn't show about the man. Like the fact that John enjoyed Chinese food, he enjoyed listening to classic rock and oldies, didn't read many books or watch too much television, and he traveled far too light. A gun was all he carried? He was going to have to get Mr. Reese cultured and he had the perfect reading material for him as he recuperated here.

Finch looked at John who appeared to be lost in his own thought. "I wouldn't worry about the detective, Mr. Reese. As you know, Jocelyn can take care of herself, even with your former employers."

But that didn't seem to satisfy the younger man because his eyes met his sharply. "Can you just keep an eye on her for me, just until I'm rested up? I need her to be okay."

Finch eyed him. "About that…"

John's look grew knowing. "I'm not here to rest, am I?"

"I'm sorry, but the machine waits for no man."

"Who is the new number?"

Finch motioned to the now closed door. "You just met him."

"The super?"

"His name is Ernest P. Trask, age 51, born in Goodland, Florida," Harold murmured, sitting his laptop down on the table.

"Any idea what the threat is?"

"Not yet, but Trask has been the super here for 14 years. So whatever is going to happen with Mr. Trask will probably take place here," Harold explained. "It's time to get to work, Mr. Reese." 

* * *

Joss couldn't wait any longer to see him. All the reasons to stay away were valid, reasonable, but they weren't enough to keep her from seeing him. She trusted Harold's word but it still wasn't enough to mollify her, not until she saw him with her eyes. Until she scrutinized every single part of John, then and only then would she be pleased that he was indeed safe and sound. But before she could do that she needed to rid herself of her unwelcome tail. She scowled inwardly as she looked behind her and saw the suits walking a safe distance behind her, evidently not realizing she could spot them. But a person would have to be blind to not see these morons following them. She walked purposely across the street from the precinct, hoping she could lose them with the crowds and cars but as she turned to look they were crossing, with her in their sights still. Joss sighed; maybe they weren't as dumb as she first thought. She looked behind her once more noting they were giving her a lot of lead-way.

Joss mentally ran through her options as she continued to walk. She moved with more purpose, moved quicker as she rounded the corner and found a gray bricked building and she made a beeline for the front rolling door. She shoved through and found a man standing at the receptionist's desk of what appeared to be an office building.

"Sir, NYPD, I need your jacket." she said urgently, tugging hers off of her and motioning at him to move faster as he slowly began tugging his coat off.

"You're requesting my jacket." he wondered as he held it out to her. She smirked at his stunned look as she tugged it on and flicked her hair out from under the atrocious looking tan colored knee-length jacket. It draped over her and she nearly coughed as it reeked of smoke as she pocketed her son's cell phone before leaving him with her jacket. "What am I supposed to do with a woman's jacket?" he asked incredulously.

"You'll think of something." Joss said coyly with a wink. "Thank you, sir, for your public service." and with that she turned and exited the building as quickly as she entered. She kept her head down as she exited looking quickly to make sure that there was no CIA agent paying her any attention. And she smiled as they rounded the corner as she walked the opposite direction.

Joss saw a taxi turning at the intersection and she ran to flag it down. "TAXI!" she hailed and it pulled over at the curb. She climbed in. "Panda Express, in Queens." that would be nice and far away from the CIA and John loved Chinese. 

Joss spent a good twenty-five minutes ordering Chinese for lunch for her, John, and Finch while making sure there weren't any CIA agents on her tail. When she was sure she was free and clear, she texted Finch asking him where John was.

Once the cabby pulled up in front of the apartment complex John was staying at she tugged out a fifty dollar bill seeing the meter knowing it was a hefty tip. "Thanks," she said meaning it. The cabby drove her around with no questions asked.

"No thank you, ma'am," the cabby said with a thick New York accent as he took the money. She smiled as she grabbed her bag of food and exited.

She hurried for John's place, finding it easily. She thought about knocking but tested the knob and frowned when it was unlocked. Maybe, that meant Finch was nearby. She entered the apartment where John 'Hayes' was staying at and nearly cried as she found him with his back turned to her and staring out a window.

"I was wondering when you would come." he murmured, surprising her that he knew it was her, she must have made a sound. John turned around in his wheelchair.

She smiled as her eyes watered as she walked to the table nearby and placed their food down, ignoring the computer set up with a tv screen near it with several feeds on it. "I shouldn't have come but I had to see you. I had to see that you were alright." she said gruffly as she approached him. Joss would love nothing more than to hug him but that wasn't the type of relationship they had, at least not yet.

"Why are you crying?"

She shrugged as she wiped at the few tears that squeezed themselves out. "Just happy you are okay, John." she reassured. Happy didn't adequately express how she was truly feeling knowing that he was alright.

He eyed her and frowned. "Where did you get this jacket?" he asked clearly in distaste at the oversized brown jacket that she was wearing that made her smell like she walked through a cheap lounge bar, so much so that she had coughed a few hundred times in the taxi coming here.

"Acquired it from some guy when I was losing my tail," she admitted as she tugged it off of her, this time when his eyes perused her the distaste look was gone, replaced with something else in his eyes.

"We should go find this man and give him Jorge's card, clearly he needs help." he muttered as his eyes drifted to the coat and she chuckled supremely grateful John's dry sense of humor was still kicking after the night he had.

She walked back to him and pressed a soft hand to his knee of the leg that was sticking out. "How are you healing?"

"Fine," he said gruffly, seeming unaccustomed to concern as he moved his wheelchair back and her hand slid away.

She eyed him intently. "Are you doing as your doctor prescribed?"

"Yes," he said and she eyed him and he smiled a little. "If I said no what would you do?" he asked teasingly.

"Kick your ass first for not doing it and then force you to do it myself." His soft chuckle was music to her ears after seeing him looking pale, sweaty and in so much pain last night. She nodded to the table. "I got us some Chinese. Where's Finch?"

"He's here. He mentioned needing to head to his car for something." John admitted as he shifted uncomfortably.

"I can help you to sit on the couch if the wheelchair is bothering your back." she offered.

He waved her off. "I'm fine."

"John you don't have to be this big, strong, tough guy in front of me. You're uncomfortable, let me help you."

John stared up at her. "Joss, stop," he murmured.

"Stop what?—trying to take care of you. I'm not made of paper I can help support you to move from the chair to the couch."

He shook his head. "I meant stop feeling guilty."

She looked away walking over to the bag of food. "I don't know what you mean," she said, emptying the bag of containers, giving her a way to disguise her expression that she knew would give her away. "I got one of your favorites: Shanghai Angus Steak with potstickers. I got Finch his Orange Chicken, and for me my Kung Pao Chicken." she said, listing off the order like she was a waitress.

"Joss…."

She whirled around. "Why should I stop feeling guilty?" she demanded, mad he hadn't dropped it. "Did you stop feeling guilty for the fact that you saved Elias's life for him to turn around and have someone try to kill me?" she asked hotly. John just stared at her. "So why should I?"

"Because you're a good woman, a good cop, someone this world needs. I'm not. If I died tomorrow, no one would care."

She stiffened. "So I'm nobody now, because I would care. My son would care, Joan too. Fusco would care. You saved him. He might grouch about you, but he's helping save lives rather than what he was doing before because of you. Finch would care too. You're not just his employee, John, he was panicked with the thought of the CIA finding you and what they were going to do to you!"

"There is a key difference between what happened to me and what almost happened to you. I deserved what happened, you didn't."

Joss was angry that it seemed everything she just said went through one ear and out the other as she stormed over to him and grabbed a hold of his arm rests. She leaned over him so that their faces were close, eyes locked. "Now that you're in the wheelchair you can't go running off on me. You are stuck here so you can listen and listen well: you didn't deserve to be gunned down like that, John, regardless of your past."

His eyes matched her intensity. "Carter, you know that the CIA burned me, it was why you were so worried about my prints being found. They want to kill me, they tried to kill me using Kara against me and then the cruise missile too."

She straightened in shock, anger evaporating. "How did you escape?"

John shrugged. "Figured it out too late, Kara had shot me already, receiving the same orders as me: kill your partner. I couldn't kill her because I didn't believe what they told me about her. But shooting each another was only to signal the fighter jet where we were and shoot the missile at the compound we were in. We were sent to Ordos to retrieve a laptop, I suspect they merely wanted to blow it up and us with it. I ran as fast as I could. I think Kara was too shocked that she had been burned by the agency she pledged her life to, to even move."

"I'm sorry, John," she said, knowing it was insignificant, offered nothing, did nothing for all he suffered through, but she still apologized.

He got a faraway look in his eyes and his eyes appear to glaze over in front of her very eyes. "Had I known that after everything I fought through to get to Jessica that she was already dead I wouldn't have left I would have just let the missile…"

"NO!" she hissed over him. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to think of it. She didn't want to think of never meeting this man. John looked up and she stared at him defiantly with arms crossed across her chest. "Don't, please, I came here to see you and share a lunch. I didn't come here to fight with you," she said and then stepped behind him to push him to the table. She positioned him so they could eat comfortably together while his injured leg was outstretched.

She glanced up when the door opened and she went on alert but relaxed when it was Finch. Harold eyed her in concern. "Don't worry, Finch, I lost the tail," she assured. John's pointed look fell to the jacket and she chuckled softly. John hated that unflattering, ugly, and manly jacket. Harold seemed to share the revulsion as he eyed it himself but didn't say anything as he slid his jacket off and limped towards where they sat. She motioned at the bag. "I got you some grub too," she said.

"Thank you detective."

Joss motioned at their setup. "So who is the number?" she asked as she grabbed chopsticks, handing one pair to John and then took a pair for herself.

"The super to this building, Ernie Trask, is the number,"Finch said as he grabbed a pair of chopsticks for himself and they quietly ate for a little while.

She ate and looked at Harold. "Do you have any idea why your machine spat out his number?"

He shrugged. "Could be anything, detective, we did learn that there is a thief in the building. It could be Trask, who could be planning on killing the security guard who is investigating it, trying to cover his crimes."

Joss nodded. "Or maybe he figured out who is stealing and the culprit is willing to kill him to shut him up," she pointed out.

They watched the feed as they ate. Harold nodded to the bottom left. "That is the landlord, Alan Holt."

John eyed the feed as he ate. "Doesn't look like Trask is employee of the month, maybe he's about to snap over the lack of benefits and kill his boss," John murmured, earning a look from Harold and she chuckled. She frowned as John sat forward trying to reach for a napkin without asking for assistance and she grabbed it for him, handing him one.

"Men," she muttered under her breath as they quietly ate their meal together.

* * *

AN: I liked Super but have to admit my favorite episode is the one that followed it in Legacy. The lavender shirt that was never seen again, John was saving it for his first date with Joss or at least that's what I have convinced myself he had done ;D Next chapter is stuffed full of Careese and some sentimental moments. Hope it hits everyone right in the feels I know it did me when I wrote it :)

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	18. Chapter 18

Joss opened one eye as the sound of knocking awoke her from her slumber. Whoever was at her door was dead. Joss blurrily glanced at her alarm clock, seeing it was barely four in the morning. She had a long few days leading up to when John had gotten shot and then afterwards with working her own cases, helping Finch work a couple of cases that coincided with Trask's, and making sure John was healing. Fusco helped John with throwing the CIA off John's trail with his assignment he received from Harold. She had happily taken over being primary on his cases while Lionel was gone to Connecticut for the last day and a half. But today was her day off so she had been set on sleeping in. But nope, who could sleep with the pounding and incessant doorbell ringing that could wake the dead.

"MOM! DOOR!" Taylor called out.

Joss kicked the covers off and muttered under her breath. So help her if this was a solicitor she was going to tear out a page out of John's vigilante handbook and shoot the offender in the kneecap. She moved like a zombie as she yawned heavily. She trudged to the stairs and took them slowly and paused on the final step as the front door opened.

"YOU!" she said as she stared at John who stood there in his skintight jeans and the lavender dress shirt she loved which was tucked in showcasing his flat stomach under his open leather jacket. He was the solicitor?—now whatever he was selling she would be buying. "You knocked?"

John stared at her as she glared at him, whether because he knocked or just entered anyway, he wasn't sure which. But she looked…cute, which if he said that out loud he was sure Joss would shoot him. Her hair was crazy with bed head, she was makeup free, and she was wearing a blue soft tee with Cookie Monster splayed across the front of it with blue flannel pajama bottoms. Her feet were bare and he felt a restless need to touch her.

"I know how to knock," he acknowledged at her incredulous statement. "I just prefer not to." He only knocked this time because he had figured she was asleep and he wasn't really sure he could handle seeing Joss in her bed. He wasn't faring well with seeing her all sleep rumpled, he felt arousal tickle his groin as he willed himself to not respond, imagining a cold bucket of ice water being poured on him. And if that didn't do the trick at cooling his libido than maybe he'd resort to thinking about Kara and what they did together, which almost always managed to chill him to the bone.

"John, what are you doing here this early? The sun isn't even up." she complained as she eyed the darkness outside. And then her gaze slid back onto him. "Where is your damn crutch? John, you were shot like only three days ago!"

He waved her off. "I'm fine."

"You shouldn't be here John, what about Snow?"

"Still searching for me in Connecticut thanks to Lionel." he said with a shrug. "I want you to come with me somewhere."

She frowned as she eyed her wall mounted clock. "At four in the morning? John, this is my day off, on my days off I sleep in."

"Please, I'll make it up to you."

Joss crossed her arms across her chest and lifted one eyebrow. "How?" she demanded, not willing to give in until she heard how he'd make this up to her. She needed beauty sleep or she'd start to look like a bag lady!

"I'll buy you breakfast."

"That and make me a fabulous dinner that you STAY to eat and we have a deal," she counter-offered. "Time is a ticking, John, my offer is good for the next ten seconds or I'm going back to bed," she lied.

"Deal, Carter, now go get dressed," he ordered.

"You do realize this is my home and I don't get bossed around in it? And I certainly don't do anything without coffee. You don't want to meet a Joss Carter without her morning coffee," she warned.

His lips twitched into a smile. "Go get dressed and I'll make you your coffee," he bartered.

She smiled back. "A dab of milk, no sugar, I'll be back in a jiff," she stated before whirling around and walking upstairs.

* * *

Joss couldn't believe she looked like the Bride of Frankenstein this morning and John hadn't ran off the moment he got a load of her. Her hair had been everywhere, she was wearing her pjs that no one would normally see her in during the light of day except her son, and she had morning breath. Her ' _be back in a jiff_ ' had turned out to be twenty minutes later after a shower, brushing of her teeth, doing her makeup and determining what to wear. She had settled on a long sleeve black and white striped scoop-neck shirt and her jeggings after taking note that John had dressed in jeans and that lavender shirt instead of his man-in-the-suit attire. She had wondered if she was ever going to see that shirt again. John wore it only once before today which had been for her when they met up for the very first time at Lyric Diner to talk after working his first number that was Diane Hanson. Back before Lyric Diner became their place, before John became nearly a permanent fixture in her life. Joss was glad to see it again because John looked amazing in it as she figured he would when she picked it out while Jorge had monopolized John's time during that shopping outing.

But after she had gotten dressed she had gone downstairs and found John in her living room eyeballing the photographs on her mantle. Joss had noticed whenever he came over, invited or not, he tended to be in that room and glancing at the photographs. She wanted to ask him about his personal life. If he had any photos of his family he lost. John seemed to favor one photograph in particular, the one that celebrated Taylor's ninth birthday. She never commented on it because even though he was in her home staring at her photos, she felt like she was intruding on a private moment. That he was reflecting on something in his life that mirrored the photo he was gazing at and it brought this smile to his face, and interrupting something that brought some joy to his life wasn't something she wanted to do.

"So what are we doing that required yanking me from my beauty sleep, John?" she demanded as he drove. They had stopped at Lyric Diner where they shared a great breakfast together and then he took her to a florist. She wasn't entirely sure what they were doing. He asked for her to help pick out flowers without anything more to go on. So she chose the flowers on her preferences, he seemed to echo her sentiments.

"You'll see soon enough," John said softly.

"You said that like ten minutes ago," she huffed. Joss knew she sounded like her boy did when he was younger whenever she took him to his grandmother's. But still, he wasn't giving her any details as to what they were doing, they were driving near the encampment but at least ten extra miles north.

John didn't comment but the smile told her he heard her. She glanced out the windshield as she felt the car slow down as he flicked the turn signal on. Her brows furrowed as he turned into the drive of a cemetery. "What are we doing here?" she asked.

"The gates just opened." he murmured as he drove past said gates. "I needed your help, remember?" he said as he slowly weaved through the small roads before parking the car in the back of the graveyard. John seemed to be operating on memory as he cut the engine.

"Who is here, John?"

He looked at her. "Come on," he motioned as he climbed out. She followed suit and he went to the trunk and opened it. They grabbed the gardening tools that they stopped at a home improvement store to buy and the few flower pots that they purchased just earlier. She eyed him curiously but he didn't say a single word as he slammed the trunk shut.

Joss silently followed him as they weaved around other gravestones, both careful to be respectful. He paused in front of a grayish-marble tombstone. Joss stood beside him and peered down at the gravestone. It read: Christopher Reynolds, Loving Husband 1950-1991.

She looked at John immediately. "Is this who I think it is?"

"It took some colorful questioning to get Joan to tell me her last name. He's been gone for 20 years and I wanted to do something for her."

Joss smiled and bumped his arm, earning his soft baby blues on hers. "You big softie, but your secret is safe with me," she whispered as she felt an impulsive wish to kiss him. She forcefully looked away from him and kneeled down in front of the grave, ignoring the wetness immediately soaking through her pants from the rain they had last night. John kneeled beside her much more slowly and after she lectured him about letting his gunshot wounds heal, they slowly began trimming the grass and dead weeds around the neglected gravestone before cleaning old dirt that was caked into the etched engraving of his name.

They quietly worked together cleaning the gravestone, making sure his name was nice and proudly displayed as it should be, before digging the cold dirt around it. Joss didn't have the heart to warn John that since it was nearly late April that the flowers might not survive, it was clear he had no idea how to garden or plant flowers which was why he needed her so-called expertise. She didn't know much, she didn't exactly have a green thumb or anything.

"When are you planning on showing her these flowers?" she asked as they dug together.

He looked at her and she felt her breath hitch as his eyes settled on her mouth before flicking up. "Later today when I stop by the encampment," he admitted.

"Good, because the weather is kind of cool still for the flowers and I'm not sure how long these beauts will make it," she said in a rush, wondering why it sounded like she had run a marathon.

"Oh, I should have waited?"

She smiled. "A little, but the sentiment behind the gesture is what will touch Joan more," she reassured him as she once again bumped his arm, trying to relax him. They focused back on finishing planting the flowers and she was thankful she had chosen the various colored carnations. She was always partial to them, preferred them over roses actually.

It didn't take long with the two of them working together and once done, they got to her feet and smiled.

"It looks perfect, John. Joan will love it."

He stared down at the gravestone. "I followed her here once. I didn't know who it was at the time because she never told me who she lost, I never asked. I was too involved in my own pain to even wonder. But I knew whoever it was here meant a great deal to her. She cried as she kissed the gravestone."

Joss glanced at John, his face tight. She told herself to let it go at that, to not ask the burning question she was dying too. To just let her curiosity die out this once and ask at a later time. But she couldn't. "Do you ever visit hers, Jessica's, I mean?" she asked gently, watching him flinch at the question.

His Adams' apple bobbed. "No," he whispered thickly.

"Maybe you should."

He turned to look at her, a film of tears shone bright in his eyes. "I can never go there. I will never go there."

"Why? Because you can't handle it that she's in the ground and you're not?"

He hated how accurate she was to how he felt. He turned to look away, squatting down awkwardly as his leg hurt, and began picking up the tools. "I want you to come with me to get Joan so we can show together."

He felt her beside him, she touched his arm. He turned to look her in the eyes. "You don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but know one thing, John: if Jessica loved you half as much as you loved her then you should know that she wouldn't want you to feel like that. She died, not you, and she'd want you happy."

"I don't know how to be happy."

Joss stared at him for a few moments, her eyes searching his. "I'll teach you," she said simply before straightening and walked towards his car.

* * *

They allowed the moment that happened at the cemetery to fade away, well, she did for now. She felt immensely sad that John admitted that he didn't know how to be happy. And even though she wanted to lay all the blame on the agency, she had a sense that John's inability to find happiness was more deeply embedded in him than just because of the agency. For someone who willfully admitted he had no idea how to be happy meant he hadn't felt that sort of emotion in a long time, a lot longer than his stint in the agency.

Was it because of what happened with Jessica? Was it something before that? Was it something he saw in the Army on the other side? Joss was sure she didn't have the full picture and John wasn't willing to give her the full picture to figure out the jigsaw puzzle that was John's fractured psyche. She wished she could help but until he was ready to give her something to work with, she was forced to wait. But if a time presented itself for her to find out more about John on her own, she was going to damn well take it.

They took a pit stop at a local coffee joint to wash their hands and get some much needed coffee before they climbed out of his car when they arrived at the encampment and they walked side by side in and both found Joan seated on the bench, up already, and talking.

She saw them approaching her. "Ah, John and his cop lady, what are you two doing here so early and together?" she chirped with a broad smile gracing her face.

"Good morning, Joan," Joss greeted.

"Joan," John murmured in his own soft greeting. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes I have, John, thanks. So did you two get together to come by the encampment _this_ early in the morning just to visit little ole' me?" Joan asked as she sat back. "I knew it wouldn't take long. Cop lady, little womanly advice coming from a former married woman: tire him out before you two kids go to bed, you'll get more sleep, he's got Chris's restlessness, worked like a charm with him," she said with a wink. Joss snorted in laughter, there was no telling this woman that they were just friends. Not that she could, there was something definitely not friendly-like between her and John. Joss was a hundred percent certain she never thought about any of her friends naked and how she wanted to run her mouth all over their body to find that sweet spot that got them to moan like crazy. Joss eyed John unblinkingly.

John, however, eyed Joan bewildered. "Joss and I aren't together." There couldn't be any him and Joss, he had nothing to offer Joss. But more than that he knew if he ever lost control and touched her the way he dreamt too, then he would have to let go of Jessica, and that scared the fuck out of him. Drowning in his pain and guilt over her death, numbing him, was safe and familiar. Joss crackled alive something inside him that frightened him.

"Well, why not? I mean you two are even dressing alike in leather, looking like a hot Bonnie and Clyde but instead of killers it is a cop lady and whatever the hell you are John," Joan said as she eyeballed them. Joss couldn't erase the smile on her face and John seemed unnerved as he gave her an anxious look.

"Joan, we would like you to come with us someplace," he said, trying to steer the conversation away from him and Joss.

Joan eyed them and her brows furrowed as she took stock of John's fidgeting. "Where to, John, or should I call you by your moniker: the man in the suit, now?"

"What?"

Joan smirked. "There wasn't a man in the suit that came to the rescue until you left the encampment, so just call it a hunch," she said, landing a bombshell. But it wasn't surprising, Joan was sharp as a tack if you asked her. "Your secret is safe with me, so where do you want to take me?" Joan asked again.

"It's a surprise." Joss said as John looked to her for help.

Joan's look narrowed as she eyed first John then her. "You have a better poker face, cop lady, because John over there looks like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar."

"Don't tell him that, he thinks he's a closed book." Joss teased.

Joan laughed. "More like a picture book,"

John frowned. "I'm right here," he grumbled.

"I really like you, cop lady, keep on him. He's coming around even if he doesn't know it," Joan said as she stood up. "But you convinced me, I'll go with you just to see what has John all nervous like. I haven't seen him fidget this much since waiting around for you to show your pretty little face."

Joss eyed John who glared at Joan as if she revealed a deep dark secret. Joss smiled, feeling warm that John had looked forward to her visits to the encampment even though he claimed not to. She shot him an 'I-told-you-so' look which he ignored as they led Joan to John's car. John was ever the gentleman as he once again opened the door for not only her but for Joan as well.

"My, my, someone had chivalry ingrained in him. Mom or dad?" Joan demanded.

"Both," he murmured and Joss eyed John in surprise, but he didn't elaborate as he closed the doors for them before walking around to the driver's side. Joan filled the silence in the car as they drove to the cemetery with useless chatter. Joss had a distinct feeling that Joan was now feeling nervous herself, clearly unsure as to where they were going but willing to see it through.

Joss turned to look at her. "Close your eyes, Joan."

"Oh come on."

"Please, we do want this to be a surprise," she insisted. Plus Joss wasn't entirely sure how this woman would take to seeing the cemetery her dead husband was in.

Joan frowned as she lifted a hand to cover her eyes. "Happy now, cop lady?" she asked.

"No, since I can still see your eyes," she huffed.

Joan chuckled. "Nothing gets by you; you got yourself a keeper, John!" Joan called out as she closed her eyes and the woman's fingers slid closed so she couldn't sneak a peek.

They pulled up to where John had parked nearly a half hour earlier. The cemetery was a little bit busier. John climbed out and she kept watch, making sure Joan didn't try to peek but the woman was playing it by their rules and kept her eyes shut. Joss climbed out as John opened the door and helped Joan out of the backseat. They each walked on one side of Joan leading to her husband's tombstone that was now prominently displayed and not with overgrown dead weeds and too long of crisp grass at the base. It looked so much better with the facelift along with the flowers, giving the gray marble a hint of color.

They stopped with Joan directly in front of his tombstone and she looked to John for his cue. "You can open your eyes now, Joan," he murmured with apprehension lining his beautiful face. John was worried Joan wouldn't like what he did for her.

Joan opened her eyes and looked down. She made a sound as a hand immediately reached up to her mouth. Joss felt John stiffen and she wasn't even standing beside him. She glanced at Joan's face as she stared at her deceased husband's tombstone. Tears were falling.

"I'm sorry Joan. I should have asked first. Joss and I will fix it." John stared at Joan. He made her cry, he hurt her with his callous thought. He never wanted to hurt Joan.

Joan looked up at John with tears in her eyes. "Oh John, I'm not mad, you did something that I couldn't. You took care of my husband." she said, struggling to smother a sob, wiping at her tears only to have more slip out. Joan didn't want to upset John; he thought she was angry with him which was furthest from the truth. She turned to look at him directly. "Thank you for this, John, I'll never be able to repay you for doing this for him."

"You don't have to. You have done so much for me, you took care of me when I needed it."

Joan wanted to point out that she didn't do much of anything but she doubted John would ever believe her. "I never told you that I figured out why you never liked going into the soup kitchens. But I did, I just never said anything, instead I just kept trying to lure you there anyways. You felt like you weren't good enough to go in there, like you didn't deserve to eat with us. But you were wrong. You're a good man, John," Joan said softly.

Joss smiled and an overwhelming wave of happiness rushed over her as Joan hugged John. She saw John's look, like he hadn't had someone hug him in gratitude in a very long time, and then he softened and hugged Joan back. She turned away and proceeded to hide the fact that she wiped away at tears that slipped down her cheeks. She normally wasn't one who cried at things like that, but in this instance, she made an exception.

"And you cop lady." Joss lifted her head and turned, seeing Joan pulling away from John's big strong body. "Give me some sugar," Joan said and she tearfully laughed as she moved over to Joan kissing her cheek and hugged the smaller woman tightly. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't thank me for doing this for you. I was honored John asked me to help," Joss assured her as she rubbed Joan's back comfortingly.

Joan pulled back. "Not for this but something else," she whispered before pulling back as her eyes slid to John before swinging back to hers and Joss stared at her. She smiled in understanding as Joan stepped back and turned to look at her deceased husband's tomb. "Oh Chris, carnations are your favorite," Joan whispered.

And the three of them fell into silence as they stood together, all staring down at the tombstone reflecting on their own separate losses they have endured.

* * *

AN: Yep, I just couldn't help myself. I do so love getting to give a backstory to Joan. Next chapter Taylor is back again and I fast forward through some stuff because some of the numbers between Super and where it picks up weren't necessary for what I want to happen in my story. Although probably no new chapter until next week, I'm helping someone move this weekend.

Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN: The timeline from the show goes askew from here on in but I don't think you guys mind or at least I hope not.**_

* * *

The last ten days had gone by like a blur. So much happened in those days that it felt like an eternity. She had barely enough time to breathe and not much else. Joss could collapse in her bed and sleep for a month and would not still catch up on much needed R&R. Her erotic thriller book she started nearly three months ago was still waiting for her at chapter 3. She and Fusco worked their cases and she helped John and Finch with their numbers, all the while worrying that John was going to be caught if not by the CIA then the FBI or NYPD. Agent Donnelly met with her because she was running point for the NYPD task force searching for John and told her he felt that the mysterious man-in-the-suit was now working for Elias which nearly made her snort but she refrained. Poor John was seriously misunderstood.

While that all was happening she was trying to catch Elias and bring down the band of dirty cops: HR, but both remained elusive as ever. But she never gave up on anything, which had her reaching out to any units in New York that could help her track them down. SID was supposed to get back to her if they found out anything on Elias.

"Mom?"

Joss looked up and saw her kid at the base of the stairs. "Yea baby?" she said tugging on her suit jacket, getting ready to leave for work.

"Why are you mad at John?" She frowned. How did Taylor know she was so upset with John? She had not answered his phone calls he left her after Szymanski was shot due to the fact John had gone to Elias instead of the police for help at finding Leila.

"How do you know I haven't talked to John?" she asked. She had been very careful at dodging questions about Mr. Badass from her son all last night. Joss hadn't wanted Taylor to know she was upset, preferring to stew over it by herself. She had asked John to leave while she waited for an ambulance for Szymanski and asked for space; clearly asking for space was like telling John the world was going to end.

Taylor shrugged as he approached her. "Because he's texting me nearly every hour about you, mom. He's asking me if you're okay and not coming over just to find out himself, so I kind of figured you were mad at him for something. Whatever it was he didn't mean it, mom, he's just trying to figure things out. You just rescued him out of the encampment not that long ago so he's bound to make mistakes."

She exhaled, well weren't those two just getting thick as thieves? "Look at you being John's champion. But I'm not mad at him, Tay, I'm upset with him."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

Joss sighed; her very intelligent son was definitely of the XY chromosome. "No, baby, it's not, they are two very _very_ different things. And Taylor, a piece of motherly advice: when you and your girlfriend, SHE with no name, have a fight and she tells you she's upset with you, know that it's not the same thing," Joss said with a knowing smile stealing Joan's line.

Taylor frowned. "How do you know about my girlfriend? I only told John who I swore to secrecy! I know he can keep a secret so he didn't tell you, did you overhear us talking?"

She blinked. "You told John?" Joss would have been upset if he told Paul and not her but she was curious as to why he told John.

Taylor looked a little embarrassed. "Yea," he agreed shifting from foot to foot. "John is wicked cool and badass and I'm not that close to my dad to talk to him about girls, so I figured John would have some good advice on dating."

She snorted. "That is more like the blind leading the blind, honey. I don't think John has dated in a while," she said while feeling immensely happy that her son had some male figure to turn to. Joss felt a grin tilt her lips up at picturing John stuttering as he tried to figure out how to explain dating and girls to a teenager. Oh how she wished she could have been a fly on the wall during that conversation! She would give up her pension to see it.

"I don't know about that mom, Mr. Badass is pretty slick."

She crossed her arms across her chest. Of course John was slick to her son who was fifteen and had zero dating experience. "Oh yea, exactly how much stuttering did he do?"

Her kid laughed. "John didn't stutter, not really, he was more surprised I brought up the topic. But once he got over it he told me to treat women with respect, listen to them, and to never take them for granted."

"That's sound advice," she agreed, impressed with John's guidance.

Sounds like John had a good upraising. She wondered just how slick John had been with the ladies before the agency turned him into the quiet loner he was today. Though if she was honest, John had on more than one occasion flirted with her, throwing her a charming smile and she felt herself melting at it. But he never went further than that. She believed it was that internal wall he erected around himself to guard a tender heart that was still broken, scared to let anyone in, scared for it to heal because he didn't want to get hurt again. It saddened her since she knew John had a lot to offer as he was so much more than just sex appeal, big blue eyes, a nice body, and a smile that could drop panties at a single flash of it. No, John had so much more going for him than just all that because he had a big soft heart, the kind that bruised easy. And he had intelligence and a vast knowledge on many topics that never left them without something to talk about, when you got him to talk that is.

"…taught me some moves to make on Hayley which worked too and…you're getting your mom face on," Taylor trailed off. Oh, she sure the hell was getting her mom face on because while she got lost in delusional desire for something more with a man that was an emotional wreck, her boy's words about moves had filtered through. And she damn well was not happy that her fifteen year old boy had learned some from John no less!

"Moves?—care to expand on that?" John was a dead man teaching her son how to make moves on girls! He was fifteen not thirty and she certainly didn't want her son some miniature version of Don Juan!

He shook his head. "Ask Mr. Badass about it, he'll explain." She frowned because she had no intention of talking to John just yet and her son knew it. "So are you and Mr. Badass a thing?" Taylor asked quickly.

"Why would you ask that?"

"You said if my girlfriend is upset with me to know the difference. So is that same for John too, with you, mom?"

She shook her head. "Nu-uh, that was for your benefit to make you fess up and tell me about your girlfriend you were hiding from me. John just needs to realize women _friends_ can be upset and not mad because it's not the same damn thing. I didn't mean he's my boyfriend."

"Uh-huh, sure mom, whatever you say." Taylor grinned.

"He's not," she insisted. Taylor laughed as he turned and entered the kitchen. "We aren't dating!" she stated with more emphasis than was completely necessary as she followed him into the kitchen.

Her son turned to look at her. "But you want to."

She frowned. "I don't know what I want, Tay."

"John wants you guys to."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Did he say that during your time talking about moves?" she demanded, trying to steer them back to talking about him and not her.

"No, but I got my own intuition, mom. John is freaked by you being mad at him."

"Upset," she corrected.

Taylor rolled his eyes. "Alright, upset with him. John is freaked, maybe you should tell him the difference between being upset and mad because I don't think John gets it."

"All I did was ask for space," she griped.

"To us guys that is even worse than getting yelled at because at least we know what you're thinking. A piece of advice, mom, coming from a guy; we don't get how women's logic works."

She exhaled in annoyance. "Well that's obvious, half the time you men don't get logic at all," she complained making her kid laugh before his smile slid away.

"I just want you happy, mom."

Joss eyed her son. "And you think John can make me happy?—you hardly know him." Her son's opinion mattered to her in everything she did, including dating. Her son was the most important person in her life. It had been just her and her boy for a long time now, she had gotten used to being alone. It was why she had been so hesitant at moving on against her mother's wishes, not wanting a guy to try to tell her how to live her life or try to change her. She was who she was and she would never apologize over it. She was opinionated, independent, and stubborn as hell not exactly the trifecta that appealed to many men. And for a long time she only had room in her heart and life for one man: her son. She hadn't met a single guy since her divorce with Paul that made her want to try to risk getting hurt again, not until John.

"I wouldn't say I hardly know him. I feel like I've known John forever and I like him. There's this sadness in him, but it fades away when you're around. It's almost like he becomes alive when you are around, mom."

"Taylor…"

"I know it sounds strange but it's what I see. You even said he was suicidal before you got to him, mom, and he's still here. That has to mean something and I think it means he likes you more than being just friends and I think you like him too."

Joss flopped her arms at her sides. "Why are you your mother's son?" she grouched and Taylor smiled happily as she immediately wrapped her arms around him and he easily returned the embrace.

"Because I grew up watching the best," he admitted.

"I love you, Taylor."

"I love you too, mom," he repeated. She held him. "If you are worried about dating because of me, don't. I'm old enough to understand and I'm also old enough to know that you and dad ever getting back together isn't going to happen. And I don't want that. You're happier without dad in your life."

"Oh baby…"

"Look I know you think I was too young to notice and truthfully I don't know everything but I know enough. I know you cried a lot and tried to hide it. You always faked a smile for me, pretending you were alright. You did everything for me and I'm old enough to be my own man now. You don't have to hide things from me now, I can take it, mom."

"Alright then, I promise I won't hide things from you anymore, but the same goes for you. Know I can handle anything you tell me, you'll always be my little man, but I know you're growing up into a fine young man. You'll be going places, baby, and I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything," Joss said. She knew she was going to absolutely despise talking about sex with her son but preferred that rather than him having unprotected sex because he felt awkward talking to her about it.

He groaned as any teenager his age would. "Please, no sex talk, I'm not ready," her boy begged.

"Not ready for sex or not ready to hear the 'talk'?" she demanded.

"Both," her boy said candidly and she sighed in relief, happy that at least for now her boy was still a virgin and was not ready to change that fact.

"I'll be the first to know when that changes and not what's her name?"

She felt her son smile against her cheek. "You'll definitely be the first to know."

Joss felt like a weight was lifted off her as she rubbed his back before stepping back. "Good, because if you get a girl pregnant because you didn't come to me to have that talk then I'm going to be very _mad_ at you."

Taylor nodded, knowing when she was playing and when she wasn't. "I know mom," he said somberly. "Trust me, I know."

She smiled as she kissed his cheek. "Good, oh and please don't tell Grandma about John and me, she's been hounding me about John ever since she smelled blood in the water. I'm halfway afraid she's going to drop in one of these days unannounced and John will be here." And that was a situation better left not happening, not until if or when anything happened between her and John.

"Oh…er…okay," Taylor hesitated just enough.

She eyed her kid. "What did you tell her?"

Taylor sighed. "Grandma asked some pointed questions and made me slip up and mention John to her," he said with shoulders slumped.

Joss snorted. "That's because your grandma is sharp as ever and as you say you learned from me, well I learned everything from her. There was a reason she was the most sought after psychologist in the state of New York, Taylor."

"She got extremely happy when I told her I liked John and that I thought you liked him." Taylor added.

Okay that wasn't too bad. "Did you tell her that you thought John liked me?" she asked with fingers crossed that he hadn't because if momma knew that, then surely she was dead meat.

"Yes, I didn't even realize I told her until afterwards," he said on a long exhale. "She's like a wizard," he complained.

Joss thought about damage control because now that her momma knew, there was a very distinct possibility that her momma was going to pop in for a visit. "It's okay, baby, there is no escaping Grammy's questions. My only hope now is John isn't here when she is because he's not equipped to handle Grandma like we are."

Taylor laughed. "John would be giving all his secrets away," he agreed and she nodded. "Although I think Grandma will like John like we do."

"Grandma is going to love John, that's the problem," she said with a quick glance at her watch. "Shoot, I'm going to be late, we'll talk later about this, I have to get to work."

"Be safe, mom."

"I will and text me when you get to school," she said and with that she turned and headed for the door.

* * *

Joss arrived at the diner, seeing John had beaten her. With her son's words ringing in her ears and the fact that John had come out of the encampment for her, she decided that her need for space from him and their mission was too much to ask for right now. She had been the one to seek him out consistently and it wasn't fair that the first sign of trouble that she tell him to back off when she never did. It wasn't fair of her. But just because of all that didn't mean she was going to make it easy on him either. He was going to have to apologize and give her a reasonable explanation as to why he hadn't gone to the police for help or at the very least come to her for help at getting Leila back. She needed to know why he turned to Elias, a man he didn't like, instead.

Joss had texted him to meet at the Lyric Diner for coffee so they could talk. She was getting used to thinking of Lyric Diner as hers and John's place, it was the place they seemed to go to when they wanted to be alone. Finch and Fusco never intruded and were never invited to join them whenever they chose to head to Lyric. It was getting so much use from them that some of the waitresses knew them and their order as they entered, which by the time they settled in at the table they had their coffees the way they wanted it.

But today John had beaten her to the diner which was unusual, usually she was waiting for him to poof in out of nowhere. But what astounded her more was the fact that he was not aware of her as of yet, his sole focus was on the front entrance where she usually entered from but she had taken a pit stop at a store before coming here so she parked on the side-street. She smiled, feeling better that she could get the drop on him once in a while. Joss got a rare unguarded gander at him and what she saw tugged at her heart strings. He looked vulnerable and so hopeful that she was agreeing to talk to him that she nearly blew her own cover and told him she was there. But she couldn't pass up on the chance to watch him completely unnoticed. She noticed the impatient way he tapped the tabletop with his fingertips, the stiffness to his posture, and the way he sat ready to move at a moment's notice to protect if necessary. John's military presence was going to be forever a part of him.

Even though she wanted an apology she couldn't bypass the chance at giving him a sneaky entrance so she approached him quietly and bent over his shoulder. "Good morning, John," she whispered in his ear and felt him freeze. Joss sort of wished she had thought this through as she was smacked with his cologne and natural male scent that was all John's. It was an intoxicating aroma that made her want to take another dip to inhale but she forcefully straightened. She blamed her reaction on the conversation she and her son had before deciding to see John here.

Joss settled into the chair across from him when a waitress appeared nearly seconds after she sat down with her coffee in tow. She smiled in thanks and waited until they were alone to speak. "Never thought that would happen," she admitted.

"What?"

"That I'd get the drop on you," she admitted with a shrug. "It's a nice change."

"I was surprised by your text."

"We usually share coffee or eat here," she said casually.

You weren't returning any of my calls." he pointed out softly.

"You can have Fusco help you work cases. I needed a break," she said breezily. He was frowning at her. "What?—you can."

"I don't want Fusco."

She clamped down on the smile that tried to tug onto her lips at the petulant tone to John's voice. He sounded like a child not getting his way. "Not my problem, we don't always get what we want in life."

"Carter…"

"Yes, John?"

"Taylor said you're upset."

"I am." she agreed. "You understand why I'm upset, right?"

"Because of what happened with Szymanski, because I got him shot."

"Elias's goons shot him, not you," she said immediately, not allowing him to place blame over that on himself. He had a hand in it by going to Elias in the first place but he hadn't pulled the trigger and she wasn't going to let him do that to himself. "I'm upset with how it went down and why Elias even knew where Moretti was. You should have gone to the police to help find Leila, not to Elias."

John shook his head. "You never know who is working for HR, I couldn't risk Leila's life on a dirty cop and I chose the lesser of two evils with Elias."

She nodded. "Alright, that's fair. But how come you didn't come to me for help?" she demanded. "I'm not dirty unless you don't trust me."

"I trust you,' he interjected. "I only trust you and Harold."

"What about Fusco?"

"I'm getting there with Lionel, Joss, but he did try to kill me twice."

"TWICE?—when was the second time?" she demanded immediately.

John shook his head. "That's not important," he countered and she glared. It sure the hell was important but then again self-preservation wasn't one of John's strong suits. No, he favored the self-destruct button more.

"John, help me understand, because from where I'm sitting, you didn't trust me enough to come to me for help. You chose to go to a man who is notorious in doing what best suits him. Why?" Getting back to the topic at hand, she'll just push for more about what happened this second time with Fusco at a later date.

"Because I lost Leila," he whispered. "And I didn't want you to know because I…" he trailed off suddenly.

"Because you what, John? I'm not helping you with this, you upset me when you didn't come to me so you have to dig yourself out of this," she stated coolly as she sat back. She had a feeling she knew what he wanted to say but he needed to do it. She wasn't going to do it for him. Not this time. "Take your time, I have about an hour before I need to head back to the precinct,"she said with a quick glance at her watch before pinning him with a stare down and waited.

John stared at her. He could tell she knew what he wanted to say, she always did, but this time she was forcing him to get it out himself. He half-wished she would say what he felt for him but he owed her this much. "I didn't want to lose you," he said softly after a few moments.

"And you thought if you told me you lost Leila and that you needed my help to find that precious baby that I would turn my back on you?" she asked quietly.

He swallowed hard. "Yes, I knew you were worried about the baby being in Harold's and my possession, and I told you she was save with me."

"How dare you think I'd do that to you? I would have been upset that Leila was missing, but together we could have found her, I could have used the police resources," Joss exploded. Her hunch had been correct and she was irritated. She leaned forward, eyes directly on his, so there was no misinterpretation. "John, you said you trust me and Harold, right?"

"Yes, I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you both."

And she believed that. "Then trust me to know that I'll always have your back regardless of if I'll get upset or not because you're not alone. You told me that night when my C.I. shot me that I wasn't alone, neither are you. You have me and Harold, trust in us to have your back too."

"I haven't had anyone to have my back in a long time," he admitted gruffly with a tentative smile, he liked the idea of having someone to watch his back.

She sat back and drank some coffee, reflecting on that look and what he didn't say. It sounded to her like Stanton didn't have John's back or maybe he didn't trust her too. "You know, John, you are going to have to tell me what happened with the CIA and what happened between you and this Kara Stanton woman. I helped get rid of Snow once and I know everything he told me previously was a lie. I would like to know the truth from you," she said. She nearly wished she hadn't said anything because the little smile on his face was gone and his expression had gone cold.

"Knowing the truth isn't always a welcome thing, Joss."

"Maybe, maybe not, but I think you need to tell someone the truth of what you went through during your time with the CIA because it's going to continue to eat away at your soul, John. And you suffered enough."

He looked at her. "Telling you about my time in the CIA will surely make it so you never want to talk to me ever again. I'm not sure I want to tell you."

"I think you use that as an excuse to hang onto that pain you have. Kara and the CIA are the dark shadows hovering on you, around you, in you, John. Sometimes bringing light to the darkness makes it fade away."

"And sometimes shadows are so thick and deep that no light can ever penetrate the darkness."

Joss eyed him as he stared at her and she smiled a little. "I guess only time will tell if I'm right or you are."

The coldness that seeped into him faded away. "I guess so," he agreed before getting an odd expression on his face. "So you're not mad?"

She rolled her eyes. "I thought my boy explained the difference between being upset and being angry."

"He said something about it but there is no difference."

"Trust me, there is," she said, exasperated with the whole male species. Joss sucked down the rest of her coffee and stood up. "You pay, I'll take that as partial payment for my apology that you were being a stubborn pigheaded man who agrees to never ever do it again." she said half teasing and half serious.

John looked up and smirked. "Alright, I'll have to remember that when I need an apology from you, when you are being a stubborn pigheaded woman."

"I'm never like that," she lied, her smile growing.

His smirk grew into a smile as he climbed to his feet. "Keep telling yourself that, Joss," he murmured and she chuckled as she turned to exit the diner.

* * *

AN: I skipped through a lot of episodes I know but some of them still happened like Darren his number was worked but I didn't want to touch on it but there is something in a future chapter that I bring up about him, so he's not totally bypassed. But anyways the next two chapters touch on Flesh and Blood because it was so damn long I had to split it up a bit :D That episode was stuffed full of Careese goodness (their hand holding and smiles *shrivels up from feels from these two*) and no way in hell was I bypassing that one.

Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN: This has events from Flesh & Blood but it's been split up two chapters because of the length and there are a lot of line breaks :D  
**_

* * *

"You're late this morning, Mr. Reese," Finch greeted him as he walked down the corridor towards where they worked, watching Finch taping up photos on the broken glass pane.

John felt protective over his morning with Joss and unwilling to share it with anyone including Harold. "Had my yoga class," he quipped.

Finch eyed him, acknowledging the fact that John wanted privacy and didn't comment that he had been listening. He was always listening, not to be nosy but because he valued Mr. Reese and Detective Carter in his life. Detective Carter was more giving of her friendship while John maintained a certain amount of distance and clearly his time and feelings for Jocelyn were off limits. And Harold was not going to push for fear it would do irreparable damage to the burgeoning friendship he developed with John. Harold didn't make many friends and preferred to hold onto the sole two (maybe three if he counted Detective Fusco) he did have at the moment. So instead he was quietly grateful to know that John and the detective had patched things up. He had figured the detective wasn't angry with John but rather more disappointed in how John had handled things. The moment he had known things were patched up, he muted them to give them privacy.

"Well I'm hoping you were able to get in touch with your Chi because it seems like we have a big day ahead of us," he murmured before motioning to the pane directing John's gaze there. "We received five numbers this morning. Meet the heads of the five families: Caparelli, Zambrano, Grifoni, Nascarella, and Gianni Moretti Jr.," Finch murmured, pointing to each headshot he had taped to the pane.

John nodded to the end photo. "Moretti's son,"

Finch nodded. "Moretti Jr., took over when Moretti went to prison," he explained. "And unless all these men suddenly decided to turn on one another then I think it's fair to assume they are being targeted."

"There's a very short list of people that are crazy enough to try to eliminate the remaining Dons." John said eyeing the photos.

"Only one in my opinion," Finch murmured. "Elias, and he had already kidnapped his father, and if he eliminates the remaining Dons then he could control the entire mafia."

"I don't know, Finch, we could just let the trash take the trash out," John was halfway tempted to do just that, why bother saving any of these men?

Harold eyed him expecting to hear such a statement and was more than ready to combat it. He would use Detective Carter if necessary. "I know they encouraged a certain moral flexibility when you worked for the CIA, Mr. Reese, but I like to think we are reaching for a higher standard." he said and noted the tiny smile tilting the younger man's lips up, glad to see message was received without pulling his ace in the hole that Detective Carter would want him to save these men. "In any case, we need to consider the collateral damage."

John suddenly looked annoyed. "So we are going to be babysitting five of the most powerful criminals of New York. How do you expect we get close to them, Finch?"

"Well these gentlemen meet once a month at the Covenant Club in Brooklyn," Finch murmured rounding the desk to sit at the computer. "Which is happening this afternoon, John, there are no cameras allowed inside the private meeting room and no cell phones."

"Not going to be easy to spy on these guys, not even for you, Finch."

Harold glanced up with a smile twitching on his lips. "That sounds like a challenge, Mr. Reese." John gave an answering one and a small shrug. He watched as Harold got to his feet and began limping towards the corridor. "I best be going, I have an idea how to get ears on their meeting this afternoon."

John didn't say a word, just shook his head, having no doubt that Harold had a plan in place. His cell began to ring and he tugged it out of his pocket and frowned when it wasn't Joss but Lionel. He answered slowly. "Hello Lionel,"

"Morning, Mr. Sunshine."

"What is it that you want?"

"What? You think I like calling you up to hear your cheery voice or somethin'?" Lionel demanded. "I thought you'd want to know I got a call from our pal Simmons, he wants intel on you."

"What kind of intel?" John asked bored.

"HR knows that the FBI set up yet another new task force in your honor and they want to know what they know. And also HR is working with Elias."

"Elias?" John murmured suddenly much more interested.

"They feel like lending a hand to Elias is in their best interests. It sounds like Simmons knows something is going down soon because he told me to call in sick at work after I got them their intel about you." Fusco said. "And whenever HR has a hand in it, it is somethin' that stinks."

"That's because Elias is going after the heads of the five families, Lionel."

"Is Elias crazy?—going after the heads of the five families is like committing suicide."

John sighed heavily, feeling a headache form. "Elias is smart and he's bagging HR in his quest at achieving control. Stay close to Carter, she's investigating Elias and won't stop. I don't want her hurt and if she does on your watch, I'll hurt you." he threatened.

"Yea, yea, yea, keep an eye on your crush for you, I got it. You know you should keep an eye on Carter and four eyes for once instead of making me do it for ya."

"Lionel, I don't have a crush on Carter."

He snorted. "Yea, okay, sure, wonder-boy whatever you say," Fusco replied with a snicker and he was ready to argue but was hung up on.

"I don't have a crush on Carter," John muttered to himself as he exited the library himself to head to the Covenant Club.

* * *

Joss hurried to the precinct after her coffee break with John, especially after receiving a phone call from Detective LaBlanca from SID that she had gotten some good news about Elias. The accounts she was digging into that she thought belonged to Elias, her friends in SID traced them to investment firms a couple weeks ago. But when they flagged the accounts they had a balance of 4 million dollars and as of this morning LaBlanca found that there wasn't a single damn dime left and that Elias had drained them all.

She smiled as she saw LaBlanca waiting for her as she walked up the steps to her precinct. "Thanks for the call," Joss said as she handed her the file the other detective was holding. Joss immediately perused it while the woman opened the door for them, motioning for her to go first.

"We need to catch this guy and you're a supreme help, Carter," LaBlanca countered as they walked together.

Joss eyeballed the file as they entered the bullpen and her cell phone rang. Joss tugged it out and frowned seeing it was John. She was going to have to call him back later, she was busy. She pocketed her phone and moved to her desk sitting down.

"If Elias moved all his money, where did it go?" Joss asked, looking up at LaBlanca.

She shrugged. "No idea as of yet, Carter, the funds went out to over a thousand unique payees."

"You get any names of the people he paid?" Joss asked.

"No, and it's not going to be easy either."

"It never is with Elias," Joss muttered.

LaBlanca sat down on the edge of her desk. "Everything that is going out of those accounts is cash or wire transfers. We can trace it but with warrants alone it could take a couple weeks." Joss frowned, a couple weeks?—that was too damn long. "What do you think he's buying Carter?"

Joss glanced up. "Elias doesn't care about material things, he buys people: people who will murder for money, cops and politicians that will look the other way."

"Well whatever it is he just bought a lot of it," LaBlanca said and Joss nodded her head. That was what she was worried about.

* * *

John arrived back at the library after a failed attempt at luring Caparelli to come with him and ended with him being murdered. They needed to figure out another way to protect the Dons and clearly calling Elias and asking him to stop hadn't worked either. Elias wanted the control over the mafia and he didn't care how he got it.

He frowned with a look of worry on Harold's face. "What, what is it, Finch?"

Finch shifted. "It's just Detective Carter, Mr. Reese."

"What about Joss? I haven't been able to get a hold of her all day to tell her that the dons' numbers have come up. She must be busy working a case," he said sullenly. He wondered if she was still dodging his calls even after their conversation this morning.

"About that, she is, just the case she is working is Elias's. I took the liberty of listening in on her phone conversation." Finch said slowly.

"You still have her phone tapped since her number came up don't you, Finch?"

Harold shrugged and John smiled. "Detective Carter knows Elias is up to something and after Caparelli's murder she reached out to the remaining dons, offering them police protection. She's alone Mr. Reese only taking a handful of uniformed officers with her."

John froze. She didn't know what kind of danger she was placing herself in, she didn't know that Elias was wishing to take them all out at once or that HR was backing him up. He ejected the clip from his Sig Sauer making sure it was full, before replacing it and cocking it. "Joss doesn't know that Elias is planning on taking them all out at once or that he has HR's backing. I need her location now, Finch," he demanded as he immediately stormed for the exit of the library without another word.

John's phone buzzed with a text as he approached his car and saw the intersection where she was at. It wasn't that far away and as he climbed in he once again tried to call her and received no answer. He sped away from the library and hurried to her location, calling Fusco.

"Fusco, why is she alone?" he demanded the moment the man picked up.

"How did you know about that I was about to call you?—you know what, never mind, I don't want to know how you know. Carter bailed on me while I went to take a wiz! Carter isn't exactly trustin', wonder-boy, she thinks I'm dirty."

"That's because you are!" he growled, angry and worried at the same time, and unfortunately for Lionel he was going to take the brunt of it. "She better be alright when I get to her or else you won't be anything Lionel."

"I tried to keep close, Carter does what Carter does, and I can't keep an eye on her 24/7. You wanted me to rejoin HR and HR don't like Carter."

"I don't care what they like or not, Fusco, I only care that Joss is alright."

"Joss?—you're on a first name basis with the cop that views you as public enemy numeral Uno? Forget crush, Carter's ya wannabe girlfriend isn't she? You get your kicks out of her chasing after ya, don't you?" Fusco teased.

John hung up on Fusco; he didn't want to tell the man that Joss was in on their thing; that she was in on it well before he had been. It was for the best that Fusco remained in the dark about Carter being involved with them. He slammed the gearshift into park and exited, leaving it running, uncaring if it got stolen or not. John tugged his gun out as he heard gunfire already. He snarled as he moved in the shadows and heard Joss shouting to get back. He didn't know who she was shouting to but the only thing he cared about was hearing her voice. If she was shouting, she was alive.

John aimed for the man who was approaching an alleyway with his gun drawn and fired at him twice, making sure he hit the kneecap squarely to shatter it for daring to try to shoot Carter. What part of: Carter was his, didn't Elias and HR understand? This was their final warning, which was more than they deserved and the only reason he didn't shoot to kill was because Joss would never forgive him. He turned and saw her crouched by a dumpster and she stood up, staring at him.

"Answer your cell next time, detective," he said softly and she eyed him as he noted the man lying on the ground. Joss turned and crouched next to the officer, putting her hand over his wound trying to staunch the blood flow. John turned and disappeared into the night as he heard sirens fill the air.

* * *

Joss yawned as she entered the diner close to the shooting that John texted her that he'd be at. She found him seated in a booth waiting for her. She collapsed opposite him, she needed sleep desperately. "Thanks, John, for being there."

"I'll always be around to protect you."

"Well the officer is in stable condition thanks to your good timing."

John nodded. "I'm just glad that it wasn't you. Elias wants to kill all the dons, we received their numbers, which you would have known if you picked up once in a while." he stated before fidgeting as he subconsciously tapped the tabletop with his fingers.

"I'm sorry, John. I was busy working with LaBlanca on a paper trail trying to get Elias," she admitted. "So if you think I was still dodging your calls because of what happened with Szymanski, don't. We said what needed to be said this morning at Lyric Diner and its water under the bridge now."

He didn't say anything and she glanced up seeing Finch limping his way towards them. She smiled a little in greeting. "I take it that it didn't go as expected with Nascerella," Harold said.

She shook her head. "I don't know who to trust anymore at the precinct. The cops I took with me, bailed, they must be HR cronies," she murmured.

Finch eyed her. "Let us help, you can trust us."

"I know, you are about the only ones I can," she agreed with soft looks between the two men. "Elias transferred 4 million dollars in the last 24 hours to a dozen cash and carry hubs around the city. We could use the transfers to track down the men working for Elias but I can't access their database without a warrant."

Finch nodded. "Maybe, I could use other techniques to access the information we need," he hinted.

Joss shook her head, really not wanting to resort to illegal means but at this point she was willing to let it pass by with a blind eye. "If we track down the men on Elias's payroll they might lead us right to him," John added, trying to close the deal.

"Well in the meantime I need to convince those old dons that the only way to stay alive is working with the police," she said, moving to exit the booth and head out but stopped when John leaned over to touch her. He rarely did and she always enjoyed the warmth from his touch.

He released her hand and grabbed a giant duffel bag seated beside him and handed it to her. "And if the next time they come after you and I'm not there, I want you prepared," John said.

Joss furrowed her brows as she unzipped the bag and eyed the amount of guns, ammo, and other little goodies in the bag. "Not exactly standard issue, should I even ask where you got these?" she demanded.

"Probably best if you didn't," he agreed.

"Anton?" she asked. He shook his head. "It was Hector Alvarez's wasn't it?"

John smiled and she rolled her eyes as she got to her feet. "Joss…" She paused and looked at John. "Trust Lionel to have your back because he will." She nodded as she turned and headed for the door without another word.

* * *

AN: Had to bring back overly possessive and somewhat homicidal John when Joss is in danger. John operates on 'one strike and you're out' mentality but for Joss he'll give them three since she wouldn't approve of him killing anyone for her. John is already changing for the better for her, they are just so perfect. I can't even with these because they are that adorbs :D


	21. Chapter 21

_**AN:**_ _ **I posted both chapters 20 and 21 back to back because they are both of Flesh and Blood. It was so long and had too many line breaks that looked awkward to me. So I posted them together so if you wanted to read them in one setting or not it was up to you :)**_

 _ **Italics is for Finch's side of the conversation between Reese and Finch over the earwigs. I guess I just like it better differentiating it for some reason lol. I'll be doing that from now on.**_

* * *

John kept watch on the man that Finch sent him to. "Who am I looking at Finch?" he wondered as he eyed a man in a leather jacket loitering around on the street's sidewalk.

" _I was able to trace the financial transactions going out of Elias's accounts. The man you are following is one of the recipients. Elias's payroll reads like a who's who of the U.S. penal system_ ," Finch answered through the earwig. They were connected and actively working the dons' numbers, while he silently worried about Joss's well-being by being smacked dab in the middle.

John watched through his camera's lens and noted that the man he was watching, photographing and following was doing the same thing to a woman and children. "I'm following him but who is he following? It's a family, any idea of who they are?"

" _Maybe they are related to the dons? Elias isn't above threatening their loved ones_."

John watched as Officer Simmons walked over and hugged the children and the woman. He immediately began taking photographs. "Right theory, wrong organization, Finch. Elias is following HR's family members."

" _I don't understand his strategy, HR are his allies_."

Of course Finch would be perplexed but to him it made perfect sense. "In war you need to be able to coerce your allies just as much as your enemies," John explained.

" _Which means: if any of his law enforcement allies get out of line Elias has a backup plan."_

"It's what I would do," John he admitted slowly. It was what he had done during his time in the agency. "Finch, where's Carter?"

" _Currently?—getting ready to try to get the dons to go with her to a safe house, I don't know how successful she is going to be. The dons aren't going to want to utilize police protection, not after what happened to Nascerella. If necessary, Mr. Reese, I have her coordinates ready if you need them._ "

He nodded as he took more photos. "And Fusco?—is he by her side?" he wondered.

" _Yes, Mr. Reese, Jocelyn isn't alone. But I am about to text you some new coordinates of yet another man that was a recipient to Elias's cash payout. He has been in and out of jail for a dozen different infractions ranging from two-bit drug charges to first-degree felonious assault_."

"Give them to me, I'm about done here." John murmured as he took a few more photos of the man photographing Simmons with his family before turning and disappearing into the sea of people. John eyed his phone as it buzzed with a text.

* * *

Fusco yawned as he exited his car with the bag of stuff that he was requested to bring. Carter called way too damn early, he needed his morning cup of Joe to handle her barking orders. He found Carter with her back to him with the trunk open to her SUV. He eyeballed the shotgun she was loading ammo into. His eyes took a quick survey of the ammo, other guns, and grenades littering her trunk. It was no wonder why wonder-boy was crushing on her hard. She was like the hot female version of Rambo.

"Getting shipped back to Iraq or something?"

Joss eyed him. "I need an assist, did you bring the extra vest and ammo like I asked."

"Yea, but…."

She nodded. "Good, just get in because you're the only cop I can trust right now," she said, slamming her trunk shut. Fusco didn't say a word as he walked to the passenger seat.

"Where are we headed?" he finally asked after a few moments of her driving.

"To the dons, to offer them police protection: us."

"Sounds peachy," Fusco grumbled. She smiled as she drove and didn't say a word. They kept silent as she pulled up to the Covenant Club where the dons were having a special meeting to talk about what was happening with Elias.

"Ready, Fusco?" she demanded as she situated the shotgun near the gearshift where it would be ready for use if necessary.

"Even if I wasn't you'd still want to go in there, so we may as well get this over with," he complained and she nodded because he was right. They climbed out of her SUV and walked to the entrance where the bodyguards were waiting.

They both tugged their badges out. "We're Detectives Carter and Fusco and we're here to protect your bosses, so step aside," she said to the bodyguards in her most authoritative voice.

"They don't want to be disturbed," the larger guy with a tattoo circling his eye spoke up. Joss stared him down as she got a little closer, not in the least intimidated.

Fusco laid a hand on her stomach stepping forward himself. "Hey we're trying to protect your bosses and your paycheck, because if they die then you have to go find a new living. So step aside so we can have a nice little chit-chat with them," Fusco said, trying to reason them into compliance.

"That is if you're alive enough to go find a new source of payment," Joss added and smirked as the two boneheads looked at each other, clearly contemplating what they said for a moment before stepping aside. "Nice work at appealing to their greediness, Fusco," she commented as they entered the club.

"You just need to speak their lingo, Carter." She snorted as they headed to the private meeting room they were in. The door was open with two more bodyguards guarding the door.

She held up her badges. "We need to talk to your bosses unless of course you all want to wind up dead,"she stated. But this time she didn't bother to wait for them to think it over, she didn't have the time to wait for their tiny brain to function as she brushed by them to enter the private room, leaving Fusco to trail after her.

Joss eyed Grifoni as he sat at the head of the table. "Detectives, what is so important that you had to bully your way in here?" he wondered.

She nearly snorted. If you asked her they weren't much of bodyguards, she'd seen paper that held up better. "You're going into protective custody until Elias is found," Joss said immediately.

"Not going to happen," Grifoni said coolly.

"I wasn't asking," she replied equally cold. "You failed to control Elias, some of you tried to cut deals with him and now he's coming after you. I'm not about to let innocent civilians get killed because you chose to ignore what was right under your nose."

Grifoni sighed as he sat back. "JIMMY! Come show the detectives out." he called out and she rolled her eyes. She knew it wasn't going to be that easy to get these old dons to listen to her. But when their bodyguard didn't come rushing in at their beck and call, Moretti Jr. got up and shouted for him.

Joss eyed Grifoni with a knowing look. "Looks like we scared off your boys with tough talk about Elias. How much do you want to bet Elias's men aren't that far behind us, so you got a choice: us or Elias?"

Moretti Jr. stormed back in. "We don't work with cops!"

She shrugged. "Fine, if you don't want to come voluntarily than we'll take you by force," she said, tugging her gun out and pointing it at them. Fusco immediately followed suit. "Maybe if I just shoot you then Elias won't blow up a car full of innocent people,"she bluffed.

"Carter, maybe it's time we called for backup." Fusco said quietly for her ears only. He hadn't exactly signed up for this. Wonder-boy said keep an eye on Carter not help her kidnap some old criminal wet-naps.

"You are my backup, Fusco," she said just as quietly.

Did Reese somehow pull a body-switcher with Carter because this sounded like him? "Joy, just what I wanted to hear Carter." Fusco grouched.

* * *

John was growing bored with following the men that were bought and paid for by Elias to watch HR's families. He wanted to go be with Joss, make sure she was safe and sound. He trusted Fusco to help keep her safe but he preferred to be with her instead. He didn't like her being on the front lines with Elias, not after what he had almost done to her, using her C.I. against her. He would end everyone if anything happened to her, they ran out of amnesties.

He connected with Finch. "Where's Joss?" he asked again.

" _Detectives Carter and Fusco are safe at one of my properties, Mr. Reese, as are the remaining dons_."

John looked up with a smile. "Good to hear. How did she convince them to go with her?"

" _Perhaps she used the same tactic she used on you, Mr. Reese_ ," Finch said and he shrugged, he wasn't going to deny that her tactic to continuously come to the encampment to talk with him hadn't worked because he would be dead if he hadn't met her. His weird employer sighed. " _But she went the more direct approach, she kidnapped them. It seems you have had something of an influence on her_."

"Thanks Finch," he said proudly.

" _I'm not certain I meant that as a compliment_ ," Finch bantered back.

"Elias isn't going to take this lying down, Finch, no sign of him yet. But I have tracked down a dozen of his men, all of whom are in position to strike HR's family members if things don't go his way."

" _Luckily HR doesn't know where the dons are, only Detectives Carter and Fusco do_."

John looked up at that comment as a thought struck him and he immediately panicked. Elias wasn't below threatening families to get what he wanted, including families of, say the cops, that were interfering with your plans.

"Finch, the men we are tracking, are any of them near Marbury High-School in Brooklyn?" he asked as his eyes closed. Please don't let him say yes.

Finch took a moment. " _Yes, Mr. Reese. Why?_ "

He immediately whirled around and hurried to his car. "That's where Carter's son goes to school," he answered as he opened the trunk, tugged on a bulletproof vest just in case, grabbed his assault rifle and climbed in and sped off. So help him if anyone laid a hand on Taylor they were dead, no amount of begging would save them from him.

" _Oh dear, I'll call the school_ ," Finch said worried.

"No, I'll text you Taylor's phone number. Call him directly, if someone tries to approach him he'll know to stay away," he said instead as he looked between driving and texting Taylor's phone number to Finch. "Do it now Finch, I'm about ten minutes away from his school," he said and hung up on his friend as he tried to hurry.

Come on, come on, come on, he pressed his foot harder onto the gas pedal passing people that were going far too slow. He heard horns blare as he ran a red light. John lost his control on his rage as he saw Taylor already out of the school with Marconi at his side with a firm grip on his jacket. Marconi was a dead man.

He slammed the car into park, climbed out and grew furious at Taylor's panicked shout of his name as he was shoved into the SUV. John aimed his rifle at Marconi and fired rapidly, not aiming for kneecaps. Taylor was the only priority, and even if Joss hated him for killing at least Taylor was safe. Screams filled the air and Marconi fired back nailing him in the chest, making him hesitate as all the air in his lungs was stolen from him from the hit in his vest. It was just long enough for Marconi to get into the car and John couldn't risk firing at the car and harming Taylor. He watched as the boy was whisked off. He immediately turned and walked to his car calling Joss ignoring the burning in his chest.

She answered on the second ring. "Yea, talk to me."

"Joss I need to tell you something. But I need you to know I won't let anything happen to him, you understand, I'll find him." he said, desperately wanting her to trust him and believe him. He would walk through hell before he let anything happen to Taylor.

"Find who?—what's going on John?" she demanded and her phone beeped with an incoming call and looked at who it was. John's words and the fact that it was Taylor's cell panicked her. Why would he be calling in the middle of a school day? She answered Taylor. "Taylor?"

"You got a great kid here, detective," Elias said.

Joss felt her heart stop. She immediately walked into a corner to have a quiet phone conversation so the dons didn't know what was happening. "I swear to god if you touch him I'll kill you," she vowed. She didn't condone killing but she would make an exception if this man even looked at her son funny.

"You have the means to set him free. You can't call for backup, who are you going to trust anymore?" Elias reasoned.

She shook her head swallowing hard to work back the lump growing in her throat. She was in a lose-lose situation. "You know I can't hand these guys over to you, may as well kill them myself."

"If you're up to it that would be extremely helpful to me, detective. That way I don't have to show up to the safe house you are holed up in all alone," Elias said in his usual arrogant way and she stood still. "Yes I know where you are detective. How about just handing them over, that way you and your partner do not get harmed or your son. I truly don't want to hurt him, he's a nice boy. Is the life of your son, your partner and your own worth those men that you are protecting?"

"Why do you need the bosses dead? You've already shown how powerful you are," she asked without answering him.

"That's not it, detective, you don't understand the evil you are protecting. Let me tell you something about Zambrano: he makes his living selling heroin to school children. Grifoni sells guns to the highest bidder and my esteemed half-brother not only imports drugs but young girls. Those are the men that you are protecting."

"And things will be much better under your watch, huh?" she fought, keeping him on the line long enough to know his intentions and just how long she had until he decided to hurt her boy.

Elias sounded smug. "I run an efficient enterprise, Detective; I'm the evolution of organized crime."

She shook her head. "No, you're a force of corruption and weakness. My answer is no," she said, grateful her breath didn't hitch and the tears that were welling up waited until after she gave him her answer. She immediately called John back after unintentionally hanging up on him. He answered on the first ring. "John, he wants to trade the dons for Taylor. How can I do that, knowing what could happen?"

"You can't, but you don't have to make that decision because I'm going to get your son back, no matter the cost. I won't let anyone hurt him, you hear me, Carter. No one will hurt your son."

"Promise me…"

"You have my word, Joss," he promised.

That was enough for her. "Go, save my baby," she whispered before losing her nerve, hanging up.

John immediately switched back to Harold after the call with Carter was short. "Finch, I need you to tell me where to find Taylor." he demanded.

Finch limped down the sidewalk towards the diner just up ahead from him. " _I'm already one step ahead of you, John. But the only way to find Taylor is to make a deal with the devil_."

John climbed into his car. "I hope you're not referring to Elias because I prefer to kill him with my bare hands than make a deal with him."

Finch smiled, clutching the manila folder in his hand tightly. " _Elias isn't the only fallen angel in our rolodex Mr. Reese,"_ he assured him before muting John as he entered the diner and approached Officer Simmons who was seated alone in a booth eating lunch.

Finch smiled as he stopped directly in front of the man who had not looked up yet. "Hello Officer Simmons," he said and the man finally looked up. "I wonder if I could have a few minutes of your time."

"Who the hell are you?" Simmons asked and Finch smiled as he slid down to sit across from the man. "Are you going to tell me who you are or am I going to have to arrest you?"

"I'd like to talk to you about your organization, the one commonly known as HR. It has come to my attention that HR has been paid a large sum of money to ignore any criminal activity involving a man named Elias."

Simmons cocked a brow. "Really, how exactly did this come to your attention?"

"I notice things officer, things that the rest of the world ignores. And I've noticed things about Elias that I believe you overlooked," Finch said conversationally.

"I doubt that, I'm a pretty observant guy myself," Simmons said assuredly.

Finch smiled a little. "You seem to think Elias stands for a return of the way things used to be, but he also stands for other things as well," he murmured as he pushed the manila envelope forward for Simmons to look at. The man hesitated only a moment before opening the envelope and tugged out photos. "This is Elias's surveillance of HR police officers and their families. You're in bed with the devil, this man will go to any lengths to get what he wants, including kidnapping children. Detective Carter's son is only his most recent victim," Finch explained, not believing that children's lives were all that important to him. But his children's lives…now that was a whole other matter.

"I didn't hear anything about that," Simmons lied.

"I recognize the fact that I'm placing myself in danger by coming here, but you need to recognize that you are placing your family in danger by doing business with Elias." Finch said and Simmons flipped through the photos and paused as he froze, evidently finally finding the ones that John had taken earlier this morning of him with his family.

Simmons looked up immediately. "What the hell is this?"

"That man following your wife and kids is an ex con whose prior convictions include rape and manslaughter. Elias is keeping you and yours in check until his plan is finished, and after that…who knows if he'll have any use for you," Finch said, allowing the threat of the unknown wiggle doubt into Simmons. Officer Patrick Simmons was a smart man, despicable, but smart. He would know what's in the best interests of his family.

"How do I know this guy doesn't work for you?" he asked.

"I imagine you don't, but are you really willing to risk your family's life on it?" Finch questioned and Simmons sat back.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to get me the location of Detective Carter's son and call off any men you have helping Elias. HR severs its ties with Elias as of right now."

"That can be arranged, no one stalks my family, not even Elias."

Finch smiled. "I'm glad we understand one another. Now get me that location, Officer."

* * *

Finch drove him and John to the location he got from Simmons. "This is the location Simmons gave us. He has already put out the order for HR to disband from helping Elias but we must hurry, Mr. Reese. He gave us intel that Elias and some of his men are in the process of breaking down the door to get in at the safe house. Once the HR men that are helping Elias leave and we give Joss the good news that we have her son, she can focus on getting Elias."

"Fusco will know what to do, I trust him to have Joss's back until we can get there. Our only priority is get in and get Taylor," he said, checking to make sure his clip in the assault rifle was full and then patted his pocket to make sure he had his extra mags.

"What's your plan?" Finch asked.

"No plan, I think the direct approach is best." John said with a nonchalant shrug.

Finch frowned. "Sorry I'm not much use on this end of things. Look, show me how to fire one of these," he offered, picking up a hand gun. "And I could help, I'll create a distraction. I want to help bring Taylor to safety. Jocelyn has been a great help to me before I met you, John. She's a good friend, her son means everything to her."

"It's okay Harold, she knows you appreciate her and I'll be fine. You can help by being our getaway driver. You know how much I don't like it when people mess with kids."

Oh Finch knew, he knew firsthand, thanks to what happened to Leila. John hadn't aimed at kneecaps with the men that had placed the baby in a duffel bag and Joss and Fusco were left to clean up the homicide messes. John climbed out and immediately made his way stealthily to the door and Finch lost him in the darkness.

John knocked on the door and impatiently waited as he listened as footsteps approached. He smiled when the door to the peephole slid open and he fired at approximately where he figured the man's kneecaps were, before shooting the lock. One down, numerous Elias's men left as he kicked the door open. His training that was instilled in him had him moving in a particular fashion, stopping near the barrels, waiting for the slightest sound of movement and moving towards it.

Marconi appeared firing and he followed suit before Marconi hid behind barrels again. John searched through the cracks of the barrels trying to pinpoint where he was but had to duck as Marconi shot at him again. John saw movement to his right and swung his gun that way and fired at another Elias's man, hitting him in the chest.

John moved slowly and methodically as he didn't see Marconi, approaching plastic straps in the back seeing Taylor standing in the corner. Taylor mouthed something to him and he turned as Marconi ran towards him hitting him in the side, jarring his gun loose. He blocked a few blows before landing a couple punches, taking one in the stomach before gaining the upper hand with his years of hand to hand combat training outdoing Marconi. He flung Marconi away from Taylor so he couldn't intentionally hurt the boy and a last Elias man appeared and he grabbed the dropped assault rifle and shot him.

"Taylor stay put," he called as he checked to see where Marconi was and heard running footsteps. Coast was clear and he whirled as he hurried to the boy. "Are you hurt?" he demanded. He'd kill them if they hurt him.

John looked scary and Taylor felt the need to reassure him. "No, I'm okay, just a little shaken up but fine," he admitted. "Is my mom okay?"

"Your mother is alright." John undid the ties on his hands before glancing at Moretti Sr, sitting nearby.

"Are you here to rescue me or shoot me?" the man wondered.

John stared at him. "Tonight, rescue," he said as he undid his ties also. "You better hurry before I change my mind." Moretti didn't need to be told twice as he got to his feet and fled. John turned to look at Taylor. "Come on, lets go." Taylor nodded and John realized that the kid was shaking so he, as gently as possible, led Taylor to the door with a steady grip on the boy's forearm.

John led him to Finch's car where it was on and waiting for them. He opened the backdoor for Taylor and he climbed in before he did the same. "Oh thank god you are alright, Taylor." Finch said.

"Who are you?"

"A friend of your mother's," Finch answered.

Taylor nodded and then looked at John. "Can I call my mom and let her know I'm safe? She must be going crazy with worry."

"Of course,"

Taylor took John's phone and called his mom, she answered nearly immediately. "Mom, its me." he said quickly, trying to put her at ease.

"Taylor, oh thank god, you okay?" she demanded.

"Yea, I knew John was badass but I had no idea just how badass," Taylor admitted and John eyed him with a tiny smile. "Who's the guy with the glasses?" he wondered. His mother never mentioned this man before and he had been the one on the phone trying to warn him that he was in danger earlier. The voices matched.

"If you figure it out let me know," his mom said and he smiled, feeling a little more at ease. He couldn't wait to see her and hug her.

"Where are you?"

"I'm safe, baby, I'll see you soon."

"Okay," Taylor reluctantly ended the call with his mom.

"Are you hungry, Taylor, we could stop and get you something to eat? Your mother is going to be tied up for a while because she's in the process of arresting Carl Elias." Finch asked gently.

"How do you know that?"

The man behind the wheel smiled. "I have my ways, Young Carter."

* * *

Taylor yawned. It was a long night. John rescued him late in the evening and by the time his mother was done with booking Carl Elias it was early morning with the sun already back up. "I just need to see my mom, make sure she knows I'm alright."

"You will, she texted me to bring you to the intersection near the precinct," John said.

Taylor sat in the passenger seat. The odd man with glasses had disappeared during the time they were eating dinner at the restaurant and John took him to the place he was staying at until his mom called that she was done with booking Elias and the investigation into what happened. Taylor spent the entire night up talking with John who didn't seem to realize how much he needed someone to just talk to after the ordeal he went through.

He glanced at the man as John drove. "I never did thank you."

"Taylor, you don't have to."

"But I want to. You saved me, you saved my mom. You're our guardian angel," Taylor said as John pulled over and pulled the car to a stop.

John shifted uncomfortable with the gratitude and looked at him before pointing. "There's your mother waiting for you," he murmured. Taylor looked and immediately climbed out and ran, making a beeline for his mother without another thought in the world. He was just so grateful she was alright and he could see the relief flood her face as Taylor approached her.

She dropped the umbrella and wrapped her arms around him. "Oh thank god, Taylor," she held him tightly for a long while, just breathing him in. She pulled out of the hug and turned seeing John slowly making his way to them.

She smiled with watery eyes. "It's good to know you keep your promises."

"I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to Taylor,"he said.

"Thank you, John, thank you," she said from the bottom of her heart. She didn't know what she would do without her son in her life. Joss grabbed his hand and he smiled and winked before he slowly walked away to leave them some alone time. He turned back, seeing Joss and Taylor hugging once more and smiled before turning and walking away to give them privacy.

* * *

AN: I really wished the show would have given us a tiny scene of Taylor and John together as he drove them so Taylor could be reunited with his mother. I didn't delve into it as much as I was going to because it was already long as it was but I think the general gist was there with Taylor and John staying up all night talking together.

Next chapter is full of Careese and maybe a teeny bit of sexual tension if you squint (or maybe you don't have to squint) ;D

Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN: Meh, I wanted this up earlier but things just kept popping up. Sigh. Anyways since this story is going to be a long ass thing I just wanted to take the time right now to thank everyone for reading, reviewing, and what have you (guest reviewers THANK YOU XOXO since I can't personally thank you at all you get a special shout-out) for the first quarter (maybe half but I'm leaning to quarter lol) of this story. It's becoming a gigantic Careese mess of angst, fluff,**_ ** _smut_** _ **, and more angst and fluff and not necessarily in that order. I hope so far it's been fun and interesting, and I appreciate you guys for reading what mucks around through my brain. Other stories are being written or nearly complete while I am writing this one, so if you are waiting for other stuff it's coming :) Same with oneshots for Careese Themes too. I have an update coming for that as I have been somewhat laxed on posting on that since I've been focusing on 4 not including this one (yes, 4, someone kill my muse) multi-chap length fics for our babies!  
**_

 _ **With all that said: who's up for some Careese-ish stuff?**_

* * *

Joss brushed her hair angrily before sliding a barrette in to clip her hair back. She couldn't believe it, she missed it! She missed John's birthday because of Donnelly and him whisking her off to New Rochelle to investigate one of the earliest homicides John's prints were found at. A one Peter Arndt, she knew what had happened, or figured she knew what had happened there. John learned Jessica was killed by her abusive husband and killed Peter in mindless retribution. Meeting Jessica's mother had been eye opening because she found that photo of John with the said woman and she wanted to give it to him at the right time. And that time would be when he was ready to tell her about Jessica, not just what had happened after she died but what had happened to have them end the relationship. And once he could open up about the woman it meant John was truly on the road of healing.

She saw a different side of John during the Marshal Jennings fiasco, he had been cold, standoffish, and clearly he wasn't dealing with the fact that the number reminded him of Jessica's death all that well. But she was glad her instincts to trust in him with Jennings, to not have it end the same way as New Rochelle had been correct. John had grown since that time he had killed Peter in blinding pain and rage. John had been dealt blow after blow during that time: first, his own country betrayed him and then he learned Jessica was dead, and then learning she was killed by her husband. This time around with Jennings John wasn't wrought with anguish so he could make better decisions.

But after that number, she had realized it was a couple days after John's forth-third birthday and she wanted to make it up to him for missing his birthday. John tried to decline but she wouldn't take no for an answer, so he caved after several tense moments in a stare-down (that she won when she gave him a smile) and suggested she'd come by his new place so he could show her around. And Joss was ecstatic over the invitation.

Joss glanced at herself in the rearview mirror and once she was happy with hair and makeup she grabbed the champagne she purchased for his new place and his birthday present, then climbed out of the car, walking towards the complex. John didn't live all that far from her, living in the heart of New York, and she wondered if Harold had done that on purpose. Harold wasn't an idiot, he had to know that John broke in her place more often than naught. He also knew that John strayed to Columbus Park to play xianqi with Mr. Han who she met once when she met up with John with info for a case. Mr. Han was an interesting character and once again she understood why John gravitated towards him because he was a warm and caring individual. John subconsciously was straying to people that lifted him up, brought joy and true warmth to his life, and weren't at all like the people who previously surrounded him. Not only her and her boy but Harold, Mr. Han, and Joan were all full of life, a stark contrast to all the death he had been submerged in for years with the agency.

The apartment was just overlooking the park but she also knew that the apartments located on Baxter Street were pricy as all get out. Joss frowned, wishing her birthday present could be half as luxurious as Finch's. But of course John wasn't a material possession kind of guy. She was sure her present would be fine.

John's building security guard opened the door for her which she was grateful and she smiled happily as she saw a nice elderly man behind the desk. Glad there was no pretty woman that got to see him daily.

"Hello," the elderly man greeted, his glasses were big, taking up his big round face. He had a white mustache and bushy white eyebrows. The man was slender and nicely dressed with a neatly tucked in dress shirt and a gold name tag pinned to the shirt. He looked like a posh grandpa. "I am Joseph but a pretty lady like yourself may call me Joe," he said with a charming smile.

She smiled in return. "Hello Joe, I'm Joss Carter and I'm here to see John Warren," she said happily.

"Oh yes, yes, Mr. Warren, he's a nice young man, he brings me coffee each night. And he did say he was expecting a lady, but now it makes sense why Mr. Warren was nervous. I'd be just as nervous around someone as beautiful as you."

"Well aren't you a charmer, Joe."

"Have a wonderful date, ma'am." he said as he pointed where the elegant elevator was. She smiled and thanked him, then immediately hurried across the marble floor to the elevator to get to the fifth floor. He was 5A and there was only one other apartment on the floor which was 5B which was mysteriously rented out but not lived in leaving John with the floor all to himself. Joss used the bottom of the champagne bottle to knock on his door. She heard footsteps before the door opened.

Joss smiled. "Happy belated birthday!" she said as she held out the birthday gift. Her eyes raked over him quickly, liking what she saw. He was in just a thin black cotton sweater over a white dress shirt with only the collar and cuffs visible, coupled with his tight blue dress jeans that drew your eyes down. John looked hot as hell. Her eyes lifted to his hair and smiled. "And hair gel free too," she said happily pushing the present into his hands and entering.

John touched his hair as he closed the door. "You don't like my hair gel?" he questioned as he turned to look at her. He had actually forgotten to put it in and was going to go do it when she knocked on the door.

She tugged her gaze off his place and glanced at John. "I HATE your hairspray and gel. Who bought you it?—because I know for damn sure it wasn't when I took you shopping." She would have burned the damn stuff.

"I did, because of this." He poked at his cowlick standing tall. He had it ever since he was a kid and he hated it, no matter how hard he tried to clamp it down those few strands of hair just stuck up.

She tsked. "Don't, it's a thing of beauty. Besides you can't tame it with any amount of hairspray and gel you use. Go 'au naturel,'"she teased. "And if you don't want to take my word for it I'm sure that little old man who cuts your hair would advise you not to use it either."

"You really don't like it?"

"No, I really don't like it, John. I like your hair soft, besides you don't need it, your hair is too damn short to need that stuff. Where's your bathroom so I can confiscate it?" He didn't say anything as he followed her as she took a look around his place, glad he only bought one jar of the gel and one can of hairspray that would be going to waste. Joss turned to look back at him. "Finch got you this place for your birthday, remind me to let him know mine is in March will ya?—I could use a new car," she joked, liking it. She could see John here relaxing when he wasn't working cases. "This is nice, someplace to rest your head."

John nodded. "I haven't had something like this in a long time," he said as he rested the gift on the coffee-table in his living room, motioning for her jacket as it was still cool for early May. She happily obliged and eyed his ass the entire time he walked to the front door to hang it up for her. Mmm, John should definitely wear jeans more often. She tugged her eyes up as he turned around and entered his gourmet kitchen through one set of the French doors he had. She used the other.

"This kitchen is pretty nice," which was the understatement of the year. His kitchen was amazing. "You'll have to cook me dinner in here because your dinners are amazing in my substandard kitchen. I can only imagine what they'd taste like being made in this thing." she admitted as she watched him grab champagne glasses for the bottle she brought before she sniffed the air when she smelt Thai. "You got Thai."

John turned to smile. "You like Thai."

"Yea I do, except for the fact that you're the birthday boy."

"Technically, no I'm not,"he countered. "My birthday was four days ago."

She harrumphed. "But we are celebrating it now," she murmured as her stomach rumbled, eyes on the food. When he said nothing she sighed and gave up on arguing about what he got for dinner. "You mentioned that you hadn't had a place to rest your head in a very long time for a second time, you didn't elaborate before, care to now?" Joss wondered as he turned to her and helped helped pull out the chair for her to sit. He opened the champagne with a loud pop before pouring her a glass and then himself one.

"Dad was in the military, we moved around a lot." he murmured before sitting down beside her at his table.

"Army brat eh,"

He nodded as they dug into the food. "Yea, then when my dad died my mom moved me to Washington where I stayed the longest I ever stayed anywhere before. It was on a farm owned by my aunt."

"How long were you in Washington?" she asked, happy he was giving her something that she didn't have to beat out of him.

"Just over seven years. My dad died when I was eleven and I was enrolled in the military after my eighteenth birthday."

"Was enrolled, not voluntary?"

He sipped some of the champagne. "Enlisting in the army was definitely my choice but it wasn't even a thought until I was forced into boot-camp. I got into some trouble and had to stand in front of a judge, I was convicted of second degree assault, and he gave me a choice: boot camp or jail. It was either go to jail for six months or boot-camp so I chose boot camp thinking it would be easier, boy was I wrong. But I enjoyed it. Judge expunged the conviction from my record once boot-camp was finished and I immediately enlisted. I liked the discipline, and it gave me a sense of family, the guys there took me in, treated me like a brother. My mother died about three months after I joined, so I had no one left." he admitted as they enjoyed their meal together.

Joss was lost in thought. Second degree assault usually came with mandatory jail time of at least 90 days and probation afterward. Something didn't add up here. What judge on earth would give John a choice between serving jail time or boot-camp and offer to expunge the deed off his record less than a year after conviction of the crime? Not saying boot-camp was some jolly and happy place but John should have served some jail time and never been given that opportunity of choosing boot-camp in the first place. Unless the judge felt John was getting a raw deal? But why? What could possibly have happened for the judge to show leniency to him? The more she thought about it the more she wanted to know the truth. But she didn't know how to ask him and wasn't sure she wanted to because she didn't want to drag down the dinner.

So she chose something else to comment on. "I'm so sorry, John, losing both your parents young had to be hard," she said quietly and he shrugged. "I don't know what I'd do without my momma," she admitted before taking a sip of her champagne.

"When did you lose your dad?" he asked after a moment.

"I was already in the army when my papa died. He had a massive heart attack and dropped dead in a parking lot; he was buying my mother flowers for no reason besides he wanted to buy her some. As I was growing up I always thought when I got married I would have a marriage like my parents," she admitted fondly as she got lost in old memories. "They were so in love, so happy, so in sync with one another, almost like they knew what the other thought. Together until death did them part, not at all how my marriage turned out," she sighed as she looked down at her food her smile fading. Oh she had once been happy with Paul until he saw things in Iraq and Afghanistan that changed him. He lost his way and in the end lost his wife and son along with it.

"Have you seen Paul at all?"

She shook her head. "As you know Paul and I aren't on the greatest speaking terms because I can't forget what happened. I can't forget all the cheating and lying, placing blame on me for things I could not control, but I try for my boy's sake. Taylor is everything to me and he deserves his father in his life. Paul sought help to get that relationship back and their relationship is flourishing and that's all that matters. I came to terms about the end of my marriage and my love for Paul ended well before the marriage did. I was just going through the motions with him."

John nodded. "Have you ever thought about moving on?"

She laughed. "You mean like dating?—sure, in my spare time," she said and eyed him. Now if he was the guy she was moving on with then she would most assuredly make the time and put in the effort. Joss stared into his pretty blue eyes. "What about you John?"

"What about me?"

"Play coy, John, it doesn't work, you know exactly what I mean. Jessica was married for several years to Arndt and I'm sure she didn't just up and marry him just after you two broke up. So that means you two were broken up for a long time now and you are still using her to shut everyone out."

He looked away. "I don't want to talk about Jessica."

She frowned. There was something in his eyes, something floating in them. What it was, she didn't know but she was going to damn well find out eventually. "Alright, John, you can hide behind Jessica for now. But I'll figure out the real reason why you were alone for so long and why you are scared to move on," she said confidently. "And it has nothing to do with a deceased ex-girlfriend."

John looked up. "I'm not afraid," he lied. He just didn't like her knowing how he felt, like normal.

"John, you don't lie all that well, how did you ever manage to be a covert international spy?" she said with a rueful look. But she allowed the conversation about Jessica to fade away and they both ate quietly reflecting on what the other said or, in John's case, didn't say.

Dinner was quiet afterwards because she didn't want to drag down his birthday dinner by pushing too hard too soon about Jessica and his past. Joss grabbed her half drank champagne glass as he grabbed the now empty plates.

"That was delicious," she admitted.

"It was, but I can't take any credit except for ordering it," John admitted as he settled the plates into his sink to be cleaned at a later time.

Joss took the opportunity while he cleared the table to do a little more looking around as she entered the living room. His place was basically one large room but separated by interior design to create your own space. Whoever Finch hired to decorate John's place did it superbly, sectioning off places for a dining room, a living room, and his bedroom was off to the left with a large king sized bed that drew your attention. And then thoughts of John in it, naked, clamored for attention; she had to force herself not to fall into that gutter. But what truly amazed her was the thought behind this gift for John from Finch. Harold could have chosen a traditional apartment like hers with lots of interior walls but he had found John a loft style with lots of room to roam, which was near the park he strayed to play xianqi with Mr. Han. Harold had realized John felt at times like he was trapped and suffocating in enclosed spaces, insomnia and restlessness adding to it, and kept that in mind as he purchased him a place to stay. It said a lot about Harold's care for John and she felt immensely pleased over their careful steps towards friendship.

She carried her champagne with her as she walked the length of the large room that overlooked the park, the large window showcased the skyline too, noting that John would have a clear line view of the rising sun. Everything in his place was neat, unlived in, and so impersonal. But maybe with time John could make this place his own, he only had it for a couple days, he just needed a little nudging. She turned when she heard his footsteps but her eyes caught on something on the desk beside her that looked out of place on the otherwise untouched desk. It was a drawing.

She moved towards it and smiled as she picked it up. Well now this was anything but impersonal. Joss could feel his eyes on her. She turned to look at him as he stood beside her. "Who drew this?" she wondered as her eyes drifted to his lips.

John nearly closed his eyes as her intoxicating scent surrounded him. He hadn't meant for his gaze to drift to her butt as he approached her but it had, she was so damn beautiful. But he focused on the paper she held before she set it down. "Darren," he murmured as he turned to go sit down on his couch and she followed.

"He's great at drawing. Darren captured your brooding quite well. I remember you mentioning he played the trumpet too."

"Kid loves music and drawing; Harold and I got him into a charter school where he is excelling," John said as he took a sip of what was left of his champagne and discreetly as possible trying to shift away from her. They were touching far too much with her body angled towards his, she had placed her free hand on his knee, and he had no idea what to do with his hands.

"Do you keep in touch with him?"

"I keep watch," he answered, throwing back the last of the champagne before sitting forward to put the glass down without a coaster which he was sure would upset Harold if he saw.

He frowned when Joss moved closer and he shifted a little bit more before he realized he had nowhere else to go unless he wanted to sit on the armrest.

Joss stared at him as she sipped her champagne, silently wondering if he had any idea that he looked rather adorable as he tried to figure out where to rest his hands. She cocked a brow as it seemed he was having an internal debate as his right arm lifted in mid-air then paused before finally resting behind her on the back of the couch. It made her wonder and the more she wondered the more intrigued she got.

"From the shadows, I presume?" she asked softly after a moment before scooting over closer to him just to see what he did.

"It's for the best. The woman we placed him with treats him well and he likes her," he admitted as he frowned as their hips brushed.

"I think he would like to see you. He really liked you John."

"He doesn't need someone like me in his life," John refuted.

"Someone like you that saved his life, got justice for his brother, and treated him with respect and care? That someone?" she remarked as she lifted a hand to lay on his arm as she turned even further towards him. She nearly chuckled as his eyes fell to her legs that she drew up and allowed to lean against his hip. Her right hand was now resting on his shoulder and she was as close as humanly possible without just jumping on his lap.

"You got me a gift." he said strangled as he got to his feet to get some space. What was she doing? It was almost as if she was doing it on purpose.

Joss nearly laughed at the sudden impulse he had to be standing. Maybe she wasn't the only one that felt the thing between them. Good, not that it meant he was ready to do anything but at least his eyeballs were being opened to the fact that he was a healthy hot-blooded man who was very much alive.

"Yes, open it." she said before scooting over and patting the cushion. He slowly sat down and she was on her best behavior by giving him some space. He eyed the present. "Just open it." she huffed. John did slowly and his eyes lit up when he saw the case knowing it was a firearm. He immediately unsnapped the fasteners and opened the case. "I knew you were partial to your Sig Sauer P226 so…"

"It's a Sig Sauer PM400 Elite," he murmured in awe as he happily picked it up, turning it back and forth to get a nice look of it. John set the gun back into the case and looked at her with a smile. "Thank you for the gift."

"Well it's not anything as extravagant as a place to live but I thought you'd like it."

"I do."

"Good," she murmured as she noted his eyes had dipped down to her lips and not for the first time tonight. And as much as she wanted to kiss him, she had to wait for him to make the first move. If John made the first move then she knew he was ready and that way she didn't accidentally ruin the thing they had going with friendship, care, and trust by moving too fast for him.

"I think I should be going,"she admitted as he sat stone still.

Her words made John frown as he realized he had nearly leaned over and kissed her. It was a bit disconcerting as the urge to kiss her had been growing exponentially the longer he knew her and he hadn't wanted to kiss a woman in a very long time.

"Yea," he agreed as they stood up together. He walked with her back towards his door and he grabbed her jacket before she could and he helped her put it on. She smiled, John was such a gentleman.

Joss turned as she flicked her hair out from under the collar. "Thank you John, I had a nice night."

"Me too," he agreed as he opened the door for her.

And she couldn't resist, pressing her luck, as she got up to her tip toes and pressed her lips to his cheek. His breath hitched a bit and she nearly moaned as his cheek met her lips. God damn he had soft skin. She lingered and wasn't ashamed in doing so but he hadn't exactly stepped back either, so she figured she was in the clear. When she finally stepped back there was a charge in the air and his eyes were darker than normal. She swallowed hard, wishing like hell he would kiss her because she wasn't sure if she could walk away without it. Her eyes drifted down to his lips that were so close.

"Goodnight Joss," he whispered gruffly, curling his hands into fists desperately trying to resist touching her. She's his friend she didn't want him in the same way, no one did. His shifted when his groin did not seem to be in agreement with his brain who thought touching her was a very good idea.

John had the voice of sex and she forced herself to exit, trying to look natural but felt weighed down by the tension swirling inside her and around them. She turned to look back at him. "Goodnight John,"

John slowly shut the door after her and leaned his head against it, sighing wistfully without realizing she had done the same exact thing on the other side.

* * *

AN: Next chapter skips to 2x1 - 2x2 stuff. Tiny motel room in Texas with two sexually frustrated adults makes for some stressful times especially with John clad in only his underwear! Yes I go there, how could I resist ;D

Thanks for reading XOXOX!


	23. Chapter 23

Days after that sexual charged evening at John's place, things happened and not all good things either. John was nearly caught by Donnelly, but with careful consulting and text messaging Joss had helped John navigate his way out of the dilemma he had been in trying to save Caroline Turing. Fusco learned she was in cahoots with the 'bane of his existence' and 'Glasses' and she learned that John had plopped Fusco into HR because he needed someone on the inside. Joss didn't particularly like that Lionel was inside HR because she kind of liked Fusco as a friend and a partner. He wasn't so bad and he actually had her back at times and the man was trying hard to seek redemption.

They had arrested a lot of HR cronies but without chopping off the head. She was sure that the damn band of dirty cops would still be in place until they could somehow manage that feat. But even though she was surprised that they finally had gotten some of those slimy toads and that had been a big ass coo for the department and FBI when arresting HR, it wasn't even the biggest surprise that she encountered. No, that came with the fact that Caroline Turing turned out to be an alias and she had been both a victim and perpetrator, setting it up so that she was in danger so John and Finch would work the case. The woman was saved by John to only kidnap Finch.

She had investigated Alicia Corwin's death at the request of John and got stonewalled, while Lionel helped John work a number, Leon Tao, who John had originally thought would lead him to answers to Finch's location. But he hadn't because they had figured out that Finch had left John as the contingency plan to just go on working numbers without him and that upset John further. But it didn't sit well with her either. Finch had to know that they would come for him no matter where they had to look. They weren't just going to settle with the notion that he was lost to them. And then she had allowed her anger over the fact that Finch was missing get the best of her when she saw that Neanderthal on steroids bullying John. She had shot the tear gas grenade at the idiot in the back of his head knocking him out cold. She had meant to shoot him in the back, to allow John to gain the upper hand but she couldn't circumvent her agitation at seeing John being harmed.

John.

John was desperate to find Finch. And she was desperate to help because, for one thing, Finch was her friend and secondly, the look on John's face hurt. John needed the guidance that the man offered him. Those two paranoid men had become friends, best friends, and she would do anything to help bring that back to John, even sacrifice some of her days off to help him by heading to Bishop, Texas. Her boy agreed to stay with grandma and she had her bags packed and ready for John, who wanted them to go meet up at the Pom Pom Diner which was on the way to their airport.

It was a warm late May morning and she exited her place in a pantsuit minus the blazer dragging her one lone suitcase behind her. The only lead they had to go on was 'Hanna Frey' that the machine spit out to John when he had negotiated for something to go on. She wasn't going to ask what that meant because she had a feeling she didn't want to know. Joss popped her trunk and smiled as the dog that John found popped into her head: Bear. John had smiled broadly as he petted the dog and she was glad that little canine was in his life. It was normalcy. Now she just had to help find their oddball friend and things would be better for John. He would have Joan, his friends, her, and this dog to help push him to living his life and letting go of his demons and pain he still held onto.

But before that could happen they needed to get Finch back in one piece and with that firm thought in mind she slammed her trunk shut and climbed into her car to go meet with John.

She arrived at about the same time as Fusco did because he was just climbing out of his car as she pulled up. Joss parked behind him and waited for her. "What do you think wonder-boy wants? I hope he found the talking encyclopedia. The big guy hasn't been his cheery, sunny self since four eyes was taken." And that was saying something since John wasn't cheery or sunny when Finch was around.

"He hasn't because we are heading to Texas in a couple hours," she admitted as they entered. John was seated, waiting for them, staring at the door. There was that look on his face again and she wanted it gone. They sat across from him.

"So what is all of this about?" Fusco asked.

"What do you mean, I promised you guys that round of drinks," John murmured with almost a scary half smile and Joss frowned as she eyed the glass he got her.

"It's 8 A.M., John, that's soda right?" she gave a pointed look at the glass in his hand.

"You don't want to know that answer, Carter, Finch has been gone already 24 hours but we're going to get him back," John said and she bit her teeth down into her inner cheeks to keep from lecturing him.

Fusco eyed his drink with disgust as he picked it up. "Does this have a raw egg in it?" What did wonder-boy do, watch the movie _Rocky_ one too many times?

"You find out anything on that girl, Joss?" John asked, ignoring Fusco.

"Yes, went missing in 1991, 14 year old Hanna Frey walked out of the public library in Bishop Texas, never to be seen again,"Joss answered, handing him the same article he handed her when he had come by her place last night to tell her he needed her to go with him to Texas.

John eyed the same article he printed out before handing it back to Joss. "She'd be thirty-five today. Seems about right, that girl became 'Root,' now she's got Finch."

"There's nothing else about her on any national database since, John," Joss said, feeling a tad deflated because there wasn't much to go on.

"If we find out what happened to her, then we'll find Finch."

"This girl?—whose been gone for 20 years without a trace? How long have you been drinking?" Fusco demanded.

John made a face before looking at her and Joss kicked Fusco under the table, earning a grunt from her partner. "We're going to Bishop Texas, Joss, to find out what happened to Hanna."

"What about me?" Fusco asked.

John shifted his gaze onto Lionel. "I need you to stay here and work the Alicia Corwin case. Find out why Corwin was in New York and find out who is messing with the case." He looked down and clicked a button on his cell phone. "Maybe this will help."

Fusco felt his phone buzz and looked at the screen as something popped up at the bottom. "Did you just shag my phone?" he demanded.

John smirked. "It's a malware app. Little tip: someone offers you a great deal on any sort of male enhancement pill, don't click on it." Joss snorted with laughter, a little happy at the fact John's wry sense of humor was still around, even if it was at Fusco's expense. "Oh, and another thing, I need you to look after a friend," John added as he whistled and Joss whirled around as she heard the running footfalls of a furry kind. She smiled as she heard Bear bark and then sit beside Fusco. "Bear, remember Lionel?" John introduced as if the dog could actually understand.

Fusco glared at John. "I thought we agreed to never mention that ever again." Joss shifted her eyes between the two men, wondering what he was talking about that was garnering a smirk from John.

"John, we need to get going," she said, eyeballing her watch. He nodded and they both got to their feet before John tugged a tiny book out.

"And here Lionel, Bear responds to Dutch commands."

Joss looked over Lionel's shoulder reading the book's title: English to Dutch Dictionary. She looked at John who paused to pet Bear and smile at the dog whose tail thumped madly at his new master. She smiled in answer to the picture they made before getting to business as John straightened and headed for the exit.

Lionel turned in annoyance realizing he was stuck with the bill. "You owe me a big fat meal, wonder-boy!" he called out as she rushed out of the diner behind John.

"You stiffed him with the bill, John!"

"No I didn't, which he'll realize soon enough," he replied as he climbed into her car. She frowned as she climbed into the driver's side.

"Where's your car to get your stuff for the trip John?"

"No car and I don't have anything for the trip."

"Nu-uh, we are stopping at your place and you're packing some stuff in my suitcase." even if she had to cram the damn stuff in there. He wasn't going without a change of clothes.

"Don't have time, remember."

She scowled as she realized he was correct, there wasn't enough time to head to his place and to the airport and be there the specified forty-five minutes early. "When we get to Texas we are stopping somewhere and get you something to change into. You are not wearing the same clothes for days on end."

"Done it before," he said as his eyes drifted to look out the window.

Joss shook her head as she started the car and pulled away from the curb. They needed to find Finch because John was slowly reverting back to how he had been before she had gotten him out of the encampment and she couldn't let that happen.

* * *

Joss walked behind John as they were led to the one motel room left. Who knew it would be this busy at this time of the year? They landed in Texas about an hour ago and by the time they got their rental car and arrived in the small town listed in the flyer they decided to get a motel before starting their search. Lucky for them they had gotten the last motel room because she didn't want to think of them camping out of a rental car. John was so tense he had been terrible in the plane. He had fidgeted the entire time. His long legs weren't equipped for airplanes because his knees hit the back of the chair in front of him and every time he fidgeted the person in front of them would sigh. Joss recalled the look of irritation sent their way as the man went to use the restroom. She had tried to relax John by talking his ear off, it hadn't worked. Nothing would.

The motel clerk left after showing them the tiny ass room and she frowned at it. "One bed," how the hell was this going to work? One bed?—in a tiny motel room with John, where they would bump into each other because there wasn't enough space for one damn person let alone two. God was asking too much of her. "What are the sleeping arrangements?" she asked. He sleep for an hour, then her, and she would watch him sleep, seeing the way his facial features relaxed, the way his chest would rise and fall, mesmerizing her, and his lips would part as they went slack as he fell in a deeper state of sleep….and oh god that was asking way too much of her.

"You'll take the bed. I won't be resting much but if I do, the tub…" he paused turning to look at the tiny bathroom that only had a shower stall in it before looking back at her. "…the floor will be fine." he assured. She looked down at the floor grimacing at the carpet. She didn't want him sleeping on that, it was disgusting. But they would cross that rickety bridge when they came to it.

John moved towards the door itching to get onto their search. "Let's go down to the police station get a hold of that case file on Hanna Frey…" he listed and she had to interrupt because she knew how John operated: unorthodoxly, and that wasn't going to fly down here in Nowhere-ville.

"Okay, wait, we need to set up some ground rules here. You keep a low profile and let me deal with the local law enforcement, alright?" she ordered.

"That's why you're here," he agreed as he opened the door for them, allowing her to lead.

She snorted quietly. She wasn't only here to deal with the local enforcement, as she recalled he was collecting badges and could easily flash one of the two he had stolen to gain trust in the local law enforcement. But he didn't. He had chosen to ask her to tag along and she felt it was more about John needing someone to lean on and less on needing someone to deal with police. She was just glad he had reached out for support rather than trying to go it alone. John climbed into the driver seat as she hopped into the passenger.

John drove slowly through the small town not wanting to draw extra attention to himself. They were already out-of-towners which brought enough attention. It was hot as hell in this small town in Texas. He found the police station easily and parked in the lot letting Joss go in alone while he impatiently remained in the car. He lowered the window, peering out it while he connected with her on their earwigs so he could listen in on the conversation.

" _It's regarding the Hanna Frey case_ , _back in 91'_ " she said

" _Oh yes, ma'am, I remember it well_." the sheriff in charge responded and his ears perked up. Well if the captain in charge of the station remembered it then that could be a good sign. " _What's your interest in the case, Detective….Uh…?_ "

" _Carter,_ " she supplied. " _I may have a missing person's case in the Bronx that matches the MO. A young girl went missing from a public library just like Hanna Frye and one of my suspects used to live in Texas_." Joss explained and he grew antsy, rubbing his face nervously. Joss was doing a good job of hiding her real reason for being here but he could already hear the suspicious tone to the captain's voice. He didn't believe Joss. This wasn't going to work.

" _Sheriff, I just want to look at the case file_ ," she said. John eyed the surrounding area of the precinct and his eyes caught a PDE blue van arriving. He listened to the sheriff stonewall Joss. He tried to sit still, tried to stay put, really he did, but he couldn't. The sheriff wasn't going to help them and he needed to find Finch by any means necessary, even if it meant pissing off Joss. John immediately climbed out of the car, hurrying over to the man before he could leave his van.

He walked up to the young guy. "Hi, I'm sort of lost," John said quietly as the guy hopped out of the van.

"Sure, where are you headed?" he asked.

John smiled before punching him. The man crumpled to the ground unconscious. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he looked around, making sure no one was watching as he took the jacket off the unconscious man and the hat before picking the man in a fireman's carry and depositing him back in his van, slumped over. He closed the door before picking up the fallen clipboard. John nonchalantly entered the station and approached a pretty young receptionist.

"Sign here please," John said softly.

The woman looked up and eyed him in surprise and then smiled. "Well hello, what happened to Dan?"

"He got rerouted," which wasn't a total lie.

"That is too bad."

He kept a smile on his face. "Mind if I use your restroom?"

"Help yourself, it's down the hall on the left." she said pointing, still smiling at him. He nodded as she watched him walk down the hall. John turned to see if she was distracted as he approached the evidence room and noticed she was looking at what was on her desk and he slipped in unnoticed.

He immediately began opening file cabinets and was relieved to see that they were in alphabetical order so finding Frey was going to be quick. Once he had the case file in hand, he slid it into the jacket and slowly exited the evidence room, making sure no one saw him leave that room.

He approached her desk and tipped his hat to her. "You have a good afternoon, ma'am," he murmured with a quick charming smile as he picked up the clipboard.

"Celeste, my name is Celeste, and I hope to see you again real soon." she said with a wink and John faltered for a moment before keeping a smile on his face as he turned and hurried to exit. John found the poor man still out cold as he approached the van, giving back his hat and jacket and the signed paperwork on the clipboard so he didn't get into trouble at work.

"Again, sorry…Dan," he whispered as he stormed back to his rental car to wait for Joss's return. He opened the casefile while he waited for her.

He heard her heeled footsteps about five minutes later before the passenger door opened and she climbed in, sighing in annoyance. "Sheriff isn't going to be any help, John…what the?—is that what I think it is?" she demanded, eyeing the same young girl's photo as the one in the article that they printed out in New York. Joss closed her eyes counting to ten.

"Many leads to follow up on here," he said forlornly as he looked out the window, handing her the file.

"I don't know what you just did but this isn't the way…" she started to lecture but was cut off.

"There was even a 9-1-1 call from someone claiming they saw Hanna climbing into a car the night she disappeared. They gave a plate number too, but it didn't check out," John said speaking over her lecture. She sighed, letting him. She would lecture him later when he wasn't so worried and frantic to find Finch. "What do you think?" he asked softly.

She eyed him. "I think we start from the beginning. We need to talk to whoever saw Hanna last."

"She's still out there, Joss, that girl became Root."

"Well if that's the case, if we can find those who last saw her, it might give us a new lead as to where she is now."

"Let's get to work then."

* * *

Joss exited the motel's miniature sized bathroom which would be fitting for a dollhouse, dressed in only a white ribbed tank top and little itty bitty black pajama shorts. It was damn hot in a small Texas motel room with nothing but a ceiling fan that circulated warm stagnant air around the room. It was uncomfortably sticky from the humidity. She tied her hair back to keep it off her neck. She frowned when she saw that John was still eyeballing the file they received earlier in the morning. He had been staring at it for at least an hour before she had gone to change.

It had been a long day of searching for clues and leads into what happened to Hanna. They had gotten ahead in the case but there was still much more to do to even get a line on where Finch was. And the stress of worrying was getting to John, with attacking Cody Grayson even though they both knew he didn't know anything. They found out about a bank account opened in Hanna's name two years after her disappearance in LaFayette Louisiana and 100,000 dollars had been paid in and then withdrawn in cash over the ensuing three weeks before it was closed. But that begged a certain question if Root was Hanna Frey, that meant she had been a sixteen year old runaway, where did she get that kind of cash from? And that led to them taking a break. She needed to do more digging and wait for Fusco to get the information he could find for her in the database. But that wouldn't be until the morning and they both needed some damn sleep.

"John, it's after midnight, you need rest and so do I," she said gently.

He looked up and almost did a double take, he was instantly swamped with desire as he eyed her. She had no idea how beautiful and tempting she truly was. The shorts rested high on her thighs so high that they barely covered her and his gaze slipped between her legs. Joss would be perfect and beautiful as he would lower those useless shorts down, spread her legs to see her and taste her. John nearly groaned as he forced his gaze away from her crotch. This was not good, he needed to get out of here and get some fresh air.

"I'll go for a walk." he stated hoarsely as he got to his feet, grabbing the file. Maybe he'd sit in the rental car, blast the AC and chill out there and look at the casefile on Hanna to find Finch.

Joss shook her head. He didn't need a walk, he needed rest. She snatched the file out of his hands and placed it on the table across from them. "John, you need sleep, not a walk."

No, he needed her, but he very well couldn't tell her that, then for sure their relationship would be destroyed all because he couldn't control his uncontrollable desire for her. He couldn't have her and he needed to keep focused on finding Finch and he couldn't think straight being this close to her in a very warm motel room. Maybe he shouldn't have brought her along with him to Texas. He hadn't figured it would be this bad, then again he had figured they would have been able to get separate motel rooms so he could avoid his rapidly growing attraction to her. It had been simple to ignore when he had been just a homeless man, he was too immersed in his own agony and pain to even recognize he was attracted to her. But the longer he was in his new life, spending more time with her, the more he found himself unable to avoid it.

"John, you brought me along with you for a reason and I don't think it was only to help find our missing friend but because you knew you needed someone to help you get through this. I'm here, so let me help."

"Joss…" it was on the tip of his tongue to explain the reality of his situation. That if he stayed in her proximity one more damn second that he wasn't sure he could control himself, which wasn't her fault that he had no self-discipline. That his hands itched to touch her skin, his tongue rubbed up against his teeth because he imagined how she tasted, and his cock hardened painfully picturing her naked. He hadn't had sex since that last time with Kara, which usually could freeze him to the bone as it had been anything but satisfying. He shuddered in disgust and wished to shower as it crept into his mind like poison. And it was why he needed to get away from Joss, because he knew sex with Joss would be nothing like sex with Kara: it wouldn't be about controlling him or trying to break him, it would be warm and extremely satisfying. He needed to get that outside air to settle the fire in his belly, erase the longing to feel a real connection, and hope the stirring in his groin would dissipate before he embarrassed himself.

Joss watched his face as a multitude of emotions crossed it. "John?"

"Joss, I _need_ the air."

She sighed. "Alright, but don't be too long, John, because you may need the air but you also need to get into your jammies and get some sleep," she pushed as she relented. He wouldn't say he needed the air if he didn't truly need it. She knew that walking sometimes helped him with his restlessness that she was sure he felt more turbulently the longer Finch remained gone.

"I don't wear pajamas to bed, Joss." he said gruffly as he made a beeline for the door and exited, dragging in gulps of air.

Joss flopped onto the bed. He didn't sleep with pajamas on, so did that mean he slept in the nude?! Great, now she was going to have that image in her head all night long. She needed John and couldn't even do anything about it. She had to wait until he was ready. Maybe she should go find some guy that she was halfway attracted too and burn off some of this sexual need in her. It would at least give her some release until John was ready to do something about the thing that was simmering between them. She laid in bed feeling tense with need and uncomfortable, she was wet as her mind conjured up John naked. She had no idea how long he was outside as she was lost in her own world, so damn close to just relieving the ache that settled between her legs herself when the door opened.

John closed the door and locked up before turning to look at her. He wished he hadn't. She was in bed, lying on top of the comforter and looked perfect. He could see the outline of her hard nipples through the thin tank, clearly not wearing a bra and he licked his lips. This was worse than any torture he ever endured he decided.

Maybe he should take a cold shower but doubted it would work very long since then he would come out of the bathroom and she'd still be laying there looking like a damn angel. He started undoing his buttons on his shirt in anger with himself that he wasn't able to shut-down when he was with her.

Joss stared at him unable to even blink as he undressed. He toed off his dress shoes as his long nimble fingers undid his dress shirt. John wasn't aware of her gaze or if he was he was ignoring it. He shrugged the dress shirt off as his lovely hands went to his waist and began undoing the belt.

She rolled onto her side, leaning her cheek against her hand and watched. He looked over to her. "Enjoying yourself?" he demanded.

Joss chuckled. "Sure am, continue on." she agreed with a motion of her hand.

John stumbled, having figured she would get embarrassed and stop watching him undress. But he recovered and continued anyway, pushing his pants down his hips and flung them uselessly off to the side before tugging the undershirt over his head and followed by his socks.

It was Joss's turn to falter as her eyes crash landed between his legs. John looked amazing in those boxer-briefs that were molded to his body and they hid nothing, she could see the clear outline of his manhood. Even without getting to see him fully naked she knew he was perfect in length and size if the bulge in his underwear was anything to go by. She licked her lips as she squeezed her thighs trying to alleviate the burning need that quickly settled between her legs. Okay maybe watching John undress was a damn stupid idea. Joss tried to think up something to cool off libido, but her brain malfunctioned and nothing came to mind because all she could think about was tugging his underwear off.

Her body was close to bursting into flames as the underwear clung to him and stretched tantalizingly over his butt as he bent to place his watch next to his gun. "John," oh good lord that was her voice?—she sounded like she just ran a hundred miles. He looked at her. "You can sleep on the bed, we are both adult enough to share a bed," she said, not thinking clearly,because if she had been she would have not have said that because sleeping in the same bed with John was going to test her self-control and not in a good way. Put her in a room full of chocolate, she'd call that torture, put her in the same bed with a nearly naked John Reese and that wasn't torture, that was just cruelty.

"The floor is fine."

"But I insist, you won't get a good night's sleep on that floor,"she countered. What the hell was wrong with her mouth, was it not hearing the alarm bells in her mind that were ringing off the damn hook?!

"Slept on worse." There was no way in hell he could sleep in the same bed with this woman. Was she mad?—but then again it did clue him in to the fact that she didn't possibly feel the same way as he did because she would not offer such a thing if she had.

"I know, so have I, but to find Finch you need to be focused."

John slowly felt the surging desire reduce a little as he was reminded why they were in this predicament as it was. Finch was kidnapped and missing. Joss was right, he needed to remain focused on finding him because the woman that took him could have taken him anywhere in the world. What kind of friend would he be to be lusting after Joss while Harold was with a psychopath? Not a very good one and Harold had been there time and time again for him, helped save him with Joss.

"John, you have been yawning for the last four hours and your eyes show just how exhausted you truly are. Those baby blues give you away, so please, I promise not to hog the bed," she said teasingly.

He looked at her as she shimmied over and patted the other side of the bed. And he tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed.

Yea, okay, she could do this, maybe her mouth was working in conjunction with her brain after all. She was bigger than her hormones, they didn't rule her. All she had to do was keep her gaze above the elastic of his boxer-briefs and she'd be good.

John slowly swung his legs and laid down beside her. He shifted his head so he could look at her. "Thank you, Joss."

"No thanks necessary, that floor is plain nasty," she muttered as she eyed him with a soft yawn. "We'll just stick to our sides of the bed and we'll be fine."

"I meant for being here with me to find Finch."

She smiled. "You don't need to thank me for that either, John, he's my friend too," she said as her eyes drifted down to his nice chest. John had a nice lean, athletic body. His chest was wide but more than that it was riddled with muscles, scar tissue, and fine hair on his lower abdomen just below the naval creating a lovely treasure trail that arrowed down and disappeared tantalizing into his underwear.

John stared at her as she stared at his body. She reached out cautiously and touched one of his many scars he had, he jumped at the soft touch. He curled his hands into fists, practiced deep breathing exercises, and wondering why she was testing his self-control.

"Where did you get this one?" she wondered.

"Army," he said gruffly without expounding as to how or when he actually received it. Joss's eyes slid to the one that rested on his lower abdomen knowing where he got that one gunshot wound because it had been when Snow had gotten to him because of her. Her fingers brushed over it with a swell of sadness as it overlapped a similar gunshot scar that was older. "It's not your fault, Carter."

She blinked as she looked up. "How can you think it's not? I lead them right to you," she replied sadly, still not having forgiven herself for it.

"No you didn't."

"Whose phone did they tap again?" she snapped.

"If it wasn't yours they would have found me another way. It's not your fault," he repeated. "Snow wants me dead because he has to clean up his mess or he'll be the next one burned."

"So kill you to save himself," she sneered. "Sounds just like him," Joss stated as she moved on to the next scar and soon she was given minor responses of where, when, and how he received them. Knife, gunshot, burn, and even a god damn harpoon scar marred his body. You name it, John had it, and that was just his chest and stomach she could see. She didn't even want to see the kind of viscous scars he could have on his back. It saddened her. She could play connect-the-scars and come up with a disturbing picture painted of just how much John had suffered for his country and was then tossed aside when he was deemed 'damaged' and was no longer of use.

She closed her eyes to hide the fact that her eyes burned with tears for his suffering knowing he wouldn't welcome it. John didn't believe he deserved anything better. "Joss," She opened her eyes when she was sure they wouldn't tear up and looked at him. "What about you?" he asked softly. "When I worked your number I saw that you were medically discharged from the army. What happened?"

She rolled onto her back and tugged her shirt up to just below revealing her breasts. His eyes looked down and he immediately found the scar that crossed largely across her right side.

"Land mine, John," she said feeling at ease now speaking about what happened. It had taken awhile but now she could reflect on that time in her life without crying. It had happened before her marriage had taken a crapper, thankfully, because she didn't think she could have dealt with what happened to her in Fallujah and her failing marriage all at once. "This 300 pound Marine was escorting me while we were in Fallujah when we heard this click and the next thing I knew he was dust before my eyes. I didn't even feel the pain of the shrapnel ripping my stomach apart. Nothing just blackness, my last memory of that time was thinking about my son and how much I would miss seeing him grow up and that was it. Everything else is just an utter blank. The next thing I barely remember is waking up in a hospital in Germany in intensive care where I was recovering. They told me I was a damn lucky woman to be alive and I felt it. But I'll never forget the marine's eyes as long as I live though. They were green and he knew he was going to die. For months after it happened those eyes haunted me, I buried myself into my rehab, and focused on raising my son and going back to school. Being with my son was very therapeutic for me." Taylor, without realizing it, had gotten her through some of her darkest days.

It had been so close, too close. John knew if she was gone he wouldn't be alive and now knowing how close she had been to death overseas, humbled him that she would want to even spend a single moment of her precious time with him.

"Why did you waste your time saving me?" he asked, eyes not on hers as he continued to eye her scar wishing he had the power to erase it for her. "You have far more to do with your precious life than to save a damaged soldier who is of no use to the world. If I was gone no one would care. You should have spent that time you wasted visiting me in the encampment with your son, or with your mother, or doing something else more meaningful than spending it with me. You nearly died Joss, you nearly died,' he whispered roughly and he couldn't fathom a world without this woman in it and, unconscious to the fact that he had been struggling to not touch her, he reached out to softly touch her scar.

"John," she hissed in pain over the words, wanting to blast him for uttering them, but found she had no voice left as he ran soft fingertips across the jagged length in the softest caress. John wouldn't listen right now to her anyway and she wondered how much of a strain he truly was under. John was emotionally repressed, he strictly guarded his feelings, so he must be under intense pressure and worry over Finch's kidnapping that some emotion trickled through the fissures in his hard veneer.

She mutely reached down and ran a hand through his soft hair, trying to soothe and tried to think of when anyone had ever cared this much for her that wasn't her momma or her boy. Once he was finished brushing his fingertips against her scar she watched as he leaned back. His blue eyes shone bright with unshed tears and raw emotion.

"I would care if something happened to you," she stated simply.

"There are far too many bad people in this world and not enough good, the world needs someone like you and Harold," he murmured softly.

"And you too, the world needs someone like you too. Someone who has looked evil in the eye and survived, someone who knows what it is like to be in a situation you have no control over and no way out. Someone who saves people who can't help themselves and saves them for no other reason than because it is right. I know you don't think the same way as I do, but if you weren't here then what would of became of Darren, Leila, the judge's son, my son, and those are just the children. Because you also saved me, had you not come out of nowhere saving me from those four thugs, I'd be dead. Or when you saved me from my C.I., he was going to shoot me in the head, John, and you stopped him."

"Joss…."

"Shh, time to sleep now, John," she shushed, not wanting to hear him tell her anything that he figured contradicted her claim. She just didn't want to hear it. "Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, Joss," he responded quietly and they both laid on their sides of the bed, unable to sleep well into the night.

* * *

AN: I guess you could call this my version of the scar scene in 3x9 as 3x9 from the show won't ever be happening in this. I'm not dumb to kill her off and kill a beautiful relationship that was John and Joss. And only John and Joss can have a real conversation while lying in bed trying to ignore the sexual tension that is simmering between them. That is the beauty of this couple, they are real with one another no matter what is happening around them or even in this case inside them. Sigh...our babies are precious.

Next chapter is the morning after and that's all I'm gonna say about it and since it's kind of (maybe) juicy I'm gonna try to post it sometime this weekend for you guys.

Thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

Joss slowly awoke feeling warm and well rested. She opened her eyes and froze. She was lying on her right side facing towards the door but she felt a decidedly male body spooning behind her with his arms wrapped around her his one strong forearm rested against her breasts. Joss could feel John's breath washing across her hair and ear creating delicious sensations as they fit together perfectly. Her butt was nestled against his front and she felt his chest rise and fall against her back. One warm and rough thigh pressed into the backs of hers while the other lied heavily on top of her knees. John was a bed hogger because she only had inches of mattress on her side before she'd be off the damn bed, his head was even on her pillow. Evidently even in sleep John had no sense of personal space because he was a damn cuddler, holding her to him tightly but comfortably. She felt a stupid grin slide onto her face loving this facet about John, it was unexpected.

But the stupid grin faded and she was slapped with arousal as the realization that her body was wrapped up to the very warm and very hard male body finally penetrated. And if she was honest with herself being held like this by a man, in bed, hadn't happened in a very long while. Too long if you asked her momma or her friend Toni, but being with a man hadn't been a priority for her, not after everything that had happened with Paul. But being pressed up against John's hard muscular body was downright amazing. She could feel everything, like his manhood…his extremely hard manhood pressed against her butt. Joss nearly moaned but snuffed it out. That lovely erection couldn't possibly be for her, her brain reasoned. She needed to get free, to stop touching his warm skin, to stop feeling that impressive erection pressed up against her before she rolled over and pounced on him. She was only human after all.

Joss wiggled a little, testing the strength of the hold and exhaled, realizing she'd seen metal chains with less strength than John had holding her to him. But she tried anyway, trying to slide under his arm but hissed when his forearm rubbed tantalizing against her nipples. This was just cruel and unusual punishment! What the hell had she done to deserve this? She was a good woman, tried to do the right thing at all times and right now she wanted to do something decidedly wrong but who could blame her? She hadn't had sex in a very long time and she had a hot guy in her bed, who she was attracted to, and was practically on top of her. Joss refocused on getting free as she reached down trying to push his thigh off her legs and frowned as she instead caressed the muscles she found there. She tugged her hand free when it started to creep upward and in and grabbed the edge of the bed as John merely sighed and tightened his hold on her. Great, she was pressed up against John in all his glory and couldn't get free.

"John," she whispered. This was too much. She was going to melt if she didn't get free of him and it had nothing to do with the fact that it felt like it was two hundred degrees inside the room. "John," she said louder.

"Hmmm,"

She squirmed at the sexy sound he made. "John, I need to get up,"she said more desperate than previously.

His hold relaxed a little and she rolled onto her back which was exactly the wrong thing to do because her eyes met his which were sleepy and sexy. And his erection was now pressed against her hip and she nearly groaned at feeling his cock stiffen further. Okay, maybe his erection was for her as his eyes darkened in arousal, and her eyes dipped to his lips. His lips parted as he whispered her name, his head leaned forward his shallow breath fanning across her lips before he jerked away from her and off the bed completely. She laid in bed, feeling frustrated enough to scream but remained silent as her body buzzed with sexual need, eyes way south of the border, lodged firmly on the rather large bulge in his underwear.

John whirled around stammering something about needing a shower, grabbing his clothes, and slammed the door shut. Joss was weak and cursed herself as she slid a hand under her pajamas elastic band and her panties and found herself uncomfortably wet. But she couldn't take it, she needed the release or else she would be marching into that bathroom and joining him in that shower. She hissed as she came with barely a touch as she heard the shower kick on and imagined John tugging that underwear down those corded thighs, down his long legs and allowing his beautiful cock to spring free, very erect under dark private hair. She bit her lower lip to keep back the moan as she came, hoping he was in the shower doing the same thing she was because his need was real, and her eyes opened as it did nothing to alleviate the tension she felt. She knew it wouldn't, but at least the little relief did make her able to function when he would exit the bathroom. Joss sat up on the bed, mind on what was going on in the bathroom, and her cell began to ring.

She got to her feet and approached her cell that rested on the table next to the file. "Hello," she greeted in supreme agitation with herself as her eyes strayed back to the bathroom's door.

"Hey Carter, everything okay, you sound out of breath?"

Joss grimaced because she knew Fusco would not want to hear why she was out of breath or the very real trouble she was in. "Fine, it's hot down here, and there is something going on around here in Bishop because there was only one motel room left in the small ass town so John and I had to share." Which was slowly killing her sanity as all she thought about was getting some of John.

"No one deserves that sort of hell!"

Joss snorted. "You have no idea, Fusco. So what's up?"

* * *

John got dressed after a long and extremely cold shower that hadn't done anything to resolve the tension in his gut and loins. He ignored the yearning need and willed himself to settle down, thinking of anything that could kill his up. It was beyond embarrassing to know she knew he had a hard on pressed up against her this morning but it would be even worse if he exited the bathroom and was still hard for her. Nothing worked, that was until he had to take matters into his own hands literally. It got the job done so he could at least function but did nothing for the swirling tension he was still under. Finding physical release did nothing for what he really wanted, which was her.

He threw the door open to the bathroom and nearly groaned in agony as he was greeted to her bent over writing something down with her cell phone pressed to her ear and talking to someone. The short pajamas rode high on her thighs, curving with her butt and he felt his cock twitch and stir to life all over again as he eyed the stretchy material stretched taut across her behind. She was at the perfect angle that all he would have to do was lower her useless pajama shorts and any panties he might find. His cock hardened in seconds at the idea of finding her panty-less, wet for him, and all he would need to do was undo his pants and he could be inside her.

"Joss," he snapped and she straightened up a bit as she turned to look at him in surprise. She held up a finger to him for a moment and he breathed a little easier with her butt not in view. When had he become a 'butt' guy? He never was before, legs used to his weakness, but Joss's ass…

He mentally shook trying to chase off the sex fueled fog that was forming and trying to cool the fire and cease all the blood from flowing down to his groin again. So he focused on finishing getting dressed as he listened to her side of the conversation before she hung up while he tugged on his socks and tied his dress shoes.

"Sorry, I was about to get dressed when I got a call from Fusco. He got us some info."

"What?" he asked.

"That 100,000 we had no idea how Hanna Frye got, well it came from José Barilla, apparently serving 17 life sentences for drug trafficking and murder. The money was electronically transferred out of his account. You said this Root woman was good with computers."

"Yes, she is. So where does the account lead us?" finally something to distract him from thoughts about Joss with a real lead in the case.

Joss smiled. "Glad you asked: right back here, there was a co-signatory on the account by a guy named Trent Russell, Fusco got us an address and it is local, right here in Bishop."

John furrowed his brows. "That name sounds familiar."

"That's because his name was on the witness list for the night Hanna Frey disappeared."

"Let's get going to that address," he murmured.

"I'll get dressed in a minute but before we go can we talk about earlier?" she asked gently. He just stared at her. "I know you, you'll try to avoid me, but I don't want any awkwardness between us. It's hot in here, we shared a bed together, and nothing really happened. I know how men's bodies work, so with that said how about what happens in Texas stays in Texas?" she suggested. She wanted John but she wanted John when he was ready, not when he was half asleep. This wasn't the right time for anything to happen between them, not while they were searching for Finch.

"Isn't that Vegas?" he asked.

She smiled. "Yea, but the same rules can apply here."

"Alright," he said hesitantly before giving her a slow yet shy smile. "Thank you Joss."

He was testing her with that smile, she decided. "You're welcome, now let me get dressed so we can find our missing four-eyed friend."

* * *

Joss was getting antsy to find John. They had split up earlier in the morning after they had left to go speak with Trent Russell only to learn that he was deceased and had been married to the local librarian they had previously spoke too. John left her with Barbara to further investigate that thread while he investigated a thread with the books. She hadn't heard from him and she was wondering if maybe he got something like she did because she got something big from Barbara but what it was saddened her. Hanna was dead, murdered and then buried in the patio that Trent redid just two weeks after Hanna's disappearance. And the girl that gave the 9-1-1 report, the anonymous call in, was the girl that became Root: Samantha Groves. Barbara said Sam Groves and Hanna were friends, Samantha Groves had been there the night Hanna vanished and she had reported what she saw to Barbara, but she hadn't believed her. No, she wanted to believe that the man she loved didn't invite a young girl into his car only for the girl to never be seen again.

Joss entered the motel room with the file and eyed John who was standing in the corner getting his suit blazer back on looking kind of happy.

"Joss, you can keep the rental, the guys are lending me a truck."

She frowned. Guys what guys, and where the hell was he going?! "Why is there a crossbow on the bed?" she demanded. What kind of trouble did he get into during these last several hours?!

"Long story but we're friends now." She cocked a brow. John didn't make friends that easily, more like they were scared shitless of John and would do anything to be on his good side. "Gotta go, got a line on a private jet in Galveston." he said hurriedly as he went to walk by her and she grabbed his hand.

"Hold up, where you going?" she demanded.

He eyed her before walking to the mirror they had used to tape their findings up on. "Back east. This book leads to a bookstore, to a bank, to a bank, to a bank, to a credit card which was used in Maryland about 3 hours ago. It's Root, Hanna's Root, she's alive and I know where she is which means I know where Harold is,"he said hurriedly as he turned to head for the door.

Joss sat down on the foot of the bed. "She's not Hanna," she said and he paused and looked at her. Joss sounded sure. "Hanna's in the ground John, she's dead, she never did get away from Russell." And that truly saddened her because that girl had a chance to be alive if someone believed the little girl that called it in. These types of avoidable homicides hurt her the worst, especially the fact that it was just a kid.

"Then who did this, who sent the books, got Russell killed?" Joss slid a photo out of the folder and held it up for him to see. He walked over to look at it and sat down beside her, making her dip closer to him.

"Hanna's father gave it to me, the girl with Hanna is Sam Groves, she was Hanna's friend. She saw Hanna get into Russell's car that night, she told Barb, called 9-1-1, but no one would listen."

He looked at her. "Where is she now?"

"Only child, her mother died about ten years ago, so Sam left town was never heard from again. If anybody is Root, it's this girl."

He nodded. "And she's the one that took Finch and I know where she is, and I'm going after her,"he murmured decisively as he handed the photo back and got to his feet.

"Hey, I can come with you," she offered.

"No, Joss, take the rental car and go back home on the scheduled flight, I'll call you the moment I have him back."

"John…"

He looked at her. "I got this,"he promised before exiting and hurrying to the truck that was waiting for him. Joss leaned back onto the bed and sighed. She better collect her things and bail on this motel room, the ticket to head back to New York was for tonight.

* * *

AN: So close but no cigar or in their case...cigarette ;D But Joss was right it just wasn't the right time or right place for them to give into their feelings. Next chapter deals with events from 2x5 with an annoyed Joss. Oh and Joan is back :)

Thanks for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

"Howdy, cop lady."

Joss smiled as she approached Joan with a bag of food and cups of soda from a local fast food joint. "Care to share lunch together?" Joss asked before sitting down beside the woman.

"With you, always, so how is John doing?—hadn't seen him for a few days which is an oddity and has my knickers in a twist," Joan admitted in only Joan's way, with humor. Joss giggled as she pulled out the sandwiches and handed Joan one before she opened one for herself.

"John left town but is back, he's busy working and keeping an eye on Harold, who was kidnapped and is dealing with a bout of PTSD. John's hovering like a mother hen."

"That's John for you, always taking care of someone else and never taking care of himself. But poor fella, Richie Rich looks weird but is nice. I hope he feels better soon."

"I'll let Harold know you said that. And John, I'm sure he'll be visiting you soon as he can."

"Or he'll send his girlfriend in his place until he can," Joan responded coyly.

Joss shook her head. "Okay, you got me, he did ask me to come down here and make sure you were alright but I was going to do it myself anyways. And you're wrong, I'm not his girlfriend," Joss said in between bites of her sandwich.

"Still, geez, John's been puffin out his chest for a while now."

Joss eyed Joan with a smirk. "Puffin out his chest, what era did you come from Joan?"

The woman howled with laughter. "Calling me old, where's your manners cop lady, I think you've been hanging out with John too long," she chuckled before taking another big bite of her sandwich with a smile lighting up her face.

Joss leaned back sliding one leg over the other. "John got a dog," she said before taking a swig of soda.

Joan eyed her in surprise. "You're yanking my chain!"

"Nope, John found him and kept him. John named him Bear and he's a Belgian Malinois , absolutely beautiful dog, extremely intelligent, listens to all of his commands, which by the way, are all given in Dutch. Currently John has the dog being Harold's protector which the dog has taken quite seriously. I think Bear likes Harold." John had taught her a couple words so if she wanted to communicate a command to the dog. And she swiped the English to Dutch dictionary John had given to Fusco because she wanted to surprise John that she knew some without his help.

"Knowing John, that means he stole the dog from someone who wasn't treating it right," Joan said and Joss shook her head forgetting just how well this woman knew John. "But I'm glad, because a dog will help give him a sense of kinship. Maybe if he gets that then he'll get off his ass and do something about you two. I'd like to think you two will figure it out before I'm old and decrepit," Joan jokingly grumped as she munched on what was left of her sandwich.

"You love him don't you?" Joss asked what had been mulling in her mind ever since they took her to the graveyard. She already knew John loved Joan, he wasn't aware of the fact that he treated Joan as a substitute mother, but it was the truth. Joan was only about fifteen years or so older than him but she took care of him when no one else bothered. Joan made sure he ate, slept, and drank something besides alcohol when those necessities went heedless from the wounded man. Joss refused to think of John as broken because he wasn't, god knows the things he went through would have broken someone who wasn't strong, but John's inner strength was about ten men put together. He was battered and bruised with a scarred soul, but not broken.

Joan shifted her green eyes on her. "You're good, cop lady."

She shrugged. "Former army interrogator, knowing people was my business."

Joan nodded her head as she leaned back. "I tried hard not to, but John is easy to love; the boy has a big heart that looks to have been trampled on a few too many times. If I ever had a child I would've wanted him to be just like John, well, maybe more talkative but otherwise just like John," Joan said with a soft smile.

Joss smiled, John was anything but a boy. He was all man as her mind slipped to the impromptu striptease she received in Bishop Texas with that skimpy underwear that clung to every contour and left nothing to the imagination. Man, she was happy she chose that underwear, her body thanked her. Or the morning after with him hogging the bed, holding her to him in a tight embrace, and she rolled over in his arms seeing his sleepy eyes for the first time and the near kiss that hadn't happened. Not to mention his hard and big erection pressing against her side, the desire slicing through the sleepiness, and how he whispered her name like it was a prayer before he rushed off to the bathroom to take a shower, effectively breaking the spell they both had been falling under. Things between them were a little off right now, like they were walking on eggshells, because clearly her 'what happens in Texas, stays in Texas' didn't penetrate his thick skull.

"Cop lady, where did you go?"

Joss blinked as she realized she had been sitting there not paying any attention. "Uh…sorry, just got lost in thought," she admitted, a little mortified. Joan was one sharp lady, she would surely figure out she had drifted off to la-la land because of John and judging by the smirk she already had. "I have to go," Joss said quickly as she got to her feet. "I'll tell our mutual friend that you are A-okay and his worrying is for nothing."

"You do that, Joss," Joan said with a knowing look, but thankfully wasn't going to call her out on it. "You take good care of him."

"I will," she agreed. "We'll be seeing you soon, Joan."

"See you later, cop lady." 

* * *

John was following Maxine from a safe distance, unable to get close with the woman's second hot story she was after: the man in the suit. His mind drifted to Joss and how things were somewhat strained since the almost kiss in Texas. It was his fault for both, the strain and the almost kiss. He had tried to keep what nearly happened in Texas left there but his body didn't seem to get the memo. So distancing himself physically was the only approach he had left, so he only called or texted Joss and avoided swinging by her place.

His phone buzzed with a text, making him tug it out of his pocket, and sighed. It was from Taylor, asking him where he'd been and not for the first time. The boy was as persistent as his mother. He felt like a giant ass as he texted: _busy with work_ , back to the young teen. John barely lowered his phone to pocket it when it buzzed with an incoming text and he looked at the screen.

 _Yankees game: tomorrow at 7, come over?_

John frowned as no excuse to not go came to mind, the excuse of working would only hold the boy off for so long before he grew suspicious. He was his mother's son after all. And John knew even with his limited social skills that explaining to a fifteen year old that he was too attracted to his mother to come over wasn't a very good idea at all. John used to be a pretty damn good liar during his stint in the agency and surely could have come up with a halfway decent lie to placate Carter's young boy, to keep Taylor from growing wary of his motivations for staying away. But the problem was that nothing came to mind because he wanted to see Taylor, he missed the kid.

Taylor and Joss were irrevocably, for better or worse, a tether to the world for him. It was unexpected, scary as hell, but yet irrefutably true.

John looked up making sure he still had Maxine Angelus in sight before texting Carter's son back that he'd be over sometime in the evening to catch part of the game with him. Taylor must have been waiting for the reply because the response was immediate with a simple: _ok, see you then_.

John pocketed his cell phone, before he reconnected with Finch as he followed Maxine from a safe distance. "How am I going to protect her if I can't get close to her? This isn't going to work Finch."

" _I'm way ahead of you, Mr. Reese. It seems that Maxine's job doesn't afford her many opportunities to meet nice men so she somewhat reluctantly signed up for a popular online dating site. I took the liberty of back-engineering the matching algorithm to create the profile of her ideal man. She really likes that you love dogs,"_ Finch said.

John paused. "Wait, you're trying to get me a date with her?" He didn't want a date with her. He only wanted one infuriating beautiful detective that had him tied up in knots. But then this was a unique case and getting close to Maxine needed some colorful lies, like he was interested romantically in her.

" _Already have, tonight at 8, you two have been flirting all day_."

He watched as Maxine grin and giggle. "Finch, what did I just say to her?" because judging by the way Maxine responded to whatever Finch wrote, he wouldn't mind saying it to Joss see if he could get the same reaction.

But Finch didn't play along. " _Stay focused Mr. Reese_." 

* * *

Joss was going to kill John, no, that was too easy instead she was going to skin him alive and then kill him. No, no wait, better yet she was going to lecture him until his ears fell off then skin him alive, and THEN kill him. Yea, he hated being lectured.

Fusco smirked at her look. "Go easy on the big fella, Carter, he doesn't mean to be Captain Oblivious."

"Go easy on him," she snorted under her breath as she stormed over to where Maxine and John were, which was near her desk. Oh, she could have tried to go easy on him as Fusco put it had John not pulled his Houdini act on her. Calling and texting her all the time, was she supposed to not notice he was avoiding spending any face time with her? And then there was the fact that she had warned him to stay away from Maxine knowing that she was a rabid dog with her news stories. He had claimed he was going to 'keep his distance', and his idea of 'keeping his distance' was going out with her!

Joss stopped short of where Maxine and John were, which was at her desk filling out their written statements for what happened. Maxine was seated at the chair beside it while John stood beside her fidgeting anxiously as he looked around the precinct. "Alright, Miss Angelus and Mr. Anderson, was it?" she sneered in blatant irritation as she looked to John.

He turned to see her irritated look. "Uh…you can call me John," he offered and Joss tried hard to not roll her eyes, but she didn't think she was successful.

"You found Mr. Zambrano didn't you?" she said hiding her displeasure as she looked at Maxine.

"He was shot. He wasn't breathing." Maxine said quietly, regretfully. "It was all my fault," she said and Joss nearly growled 'you think?' but kept it to herself. The woman looked remorseful already and the reason for her snarling at her had everything to do with the fact that she had been on a date with John and little to do with anything else. "Sorry, I can't, I just need a minute," Maxine requested.

Joss nodded. "Yea, sure," she agreed as she moved away from her desk to give her a minute and touched John's arm, he nodded and walked with her.

He looked at her, seeing her anger. She opened her mouth but he spoke before her. "Your killers are knocked out at the scene, my guess is that they are Toreros Cartel."

"Just one of many organizations that wanted HR's boss dead, just got the wrong guy," Joss said looking pointedly at Maxine before looking back at him. But she didn't let him distract her from her lecture for long. "Let's talk about your idea of keeping your distance: by dating her!"

He sighed. "It's complicated." he admitted as they stood together, huddled in a corner of her precinct. John took a look around making sure no one was looking at them before bringing his gaze back on the disgruntled woman before him.

She frowned as she crossed her arms. "It's not that complicated, John: you avoid me and date another woman who is looking to splash you all over her stupid newspaper," she stated with a defiant tone. "I mean if stick thin and lack of brain cells is your thing, then go ahead and date her, but I think you can do much better. She didn't even do any checking into the info her source gave and got a guy killed for it," she huffed.

"Joss…" he started but she cut him off.

"What? I'm not supposed to realize that you are avoiding spending any face-time with me? When have you ever had the self-control to resist breaking into my home?—you haven't been there for days, my son has noticed. He's been asking for you," she continued, glancing up into his eyes that were behind those wire glasses that made him look even adorable than usual. But even his intense cuteness couldn't zap her irritation at him. "But that empty-headed pole over there gets a date with you and probably wants more bedtime than face-time with you, John."

"I'm only dating her because it was the only way I knew how to get close to her without having to be the man-in-the-suit. Finch engineered it," he tried to explain.

She snorted. "Of course he did, because you and the bag of bones have nothing in common. What did she eat for dinner, a piece of lettuce?"

John's lips twitched into a smile. "If I didn't know any better, Carter, I would say you were jealous."

She scoffed. "Of her? I'm not!" she said and his small smile grew. "I'm not!" she insisted and when his smile didn't fade she rolled her eyes. "I'm just worried about you being found out as the vigilante man-in-the-suit by being undercover on a date with the woman that is like the living and breathing version of Lois Lane."

"Who?"

Joss's mouth dropped open. "You know from the Superman comics with Clark Kent…Lois Lane…" she trailed off when he stared at her. "Seriously, John, you never read comic books when you were a kid?"

"Did you?" he asked.

"Of course I did I…" she went blithely on before pausing as she saw him smiling like the Cheshire cat. She narrowed her eyes realizing the little rat had done that on purpose. She never told anyone that she used to read comic books when she was just a kid. "You read comic books when you were a kid didn't you?" she asked softly.

And his smile grew. "I did and now I know you did too. Tell me Carter, which one was your favorite?"

She laughed humorlessly. "I'm not telling you that." she sniffed. "I only tell people who _see_ me and don't avoid me that sort of deep dark secret," she assured him. If he wanted to know then he had to agree to stop being stupid.

"I'll come over tomorrow night," he said. John purposely didn't tell her that her son already asked him to come by and he agreed. She didn't need to know that, he was curious to know what Joss read when she was a young girl.

Her face brightened up. "You are?"

"Sure,"

"Batman, my favorite was Batman, I had to have every issue," she admitted. "No one can know that secret so if you tell Fusco, Finch, or Joan I will have to kill you."

He chuckled. "Your secret is safe with me, so you like your vigilantes in rubber suits instead of spandex?—I'll have to remember that," he teased and she glared at him. He looked around and saw Fusco who eyed him. Yes, it was time to leave before someone else noticed him. "This isn't the best place for me to be but I'm not leaving Maxine. Can we leave?"

"Yea, can't leave your toothpick behind," she sniped.

"Joss…." he warned.

Joss sighed. "Your girlfriend was probably the unwitting perpetrator in this one, so case closed. I'll send the twig on home by herself."

"She's not my girlfriend. She may be the perpetrator _and_ victim. Until I know for sure that she was just an unwilling perpetrator and is safe, I need to stay close," he said and she sighed, of course John was right. "Can I get her out of here, we gave our statements?" he asked.

"Yea, fine," the less she had to see her, the better. And if they could make sure that Maxine was alright then John wouldn't have to pose as an eligible bachelor wanting to date her any longer then necessary.

"Thanks Joss," he said quietly before turning to walk towards where Maxine sat waiting, feeling Carter behind him. He touched her shoulder as he came up behind Maxine. "Come on, Detective Carter said we can go."

Maxine moved to grab her purse. "Some first date, huh?"

"And your last one, you big bag of wind," Joss muttered under her breath.

Maxine looked at her. "I'm sorry, detective, did you say something?" she asked.

Joss pasted on a false smile with lots of her pearly whites which seemed to make John frown but Maxine didn't know she was being less than sincere. "Nope, not a thing," she reassured sweetly her before frowning as Donnelly entered the bullpen. Her heart stopped as she took a subconscious step towards John to try to shield his face from the agent.

"Maxine Angelus," Donnelly commandeered, ceasing Maxine's movements and John looked before turning his face away immediately. "Special Agent Donnelly, FBI; you are going to answer some questions," Donnelly said before leading her towards one of the interrogation rooms, leaving Joss and John looking between one another.

"Go outside, once he is through questioning her I'll send her out," Joss said with a faint touch to his forearm.

"Are you sure Joss?" John murmured.

"Yes, go, I don't want Donnelly to see you."

John nodded and didn't need to be told twice as he turned and hurried for the exit while she was forced to wait for Maxine Angelus to be done getting her ass chewed for what happened with Zambrano.

* * *

AN: I do so love writing jealous Joss and if you're wondering John will be having his turn eventually ;D Next chapter deals with 2x6.

Thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 26

John's new number required him to pose as a happily married man in the burbs and as much as he wanted to ask Joss to pose as his wife he couldn't. The last time they shared a small space it hadn't worked out well. Not when he had screwed things up with her by nearly kissing her and wanting to do more than just merely kiss her. His body wanted hers, craved hers. Her idea of leaving things in Texas would work if he could just do that. But every time he was around her his mind drifted off to what they almost did and how much he wanted it.

He had gone over to her place last night as he told Taylor he would. Joss had been there and it had been tense on his end. Taylor didn't seem to notice that his eyes strayed from the television screen to stare at his mother, thankfully. And gratefully neither Joss nor Taylor were true mind readers because the things he had thought about were not suitable for children and surely Joss would have backed away quickly.

John watched as Zoe Morgan approached him. Asking her to be his pretend wife was best. At least he could concentrate and not be with a constant hard on as he would be if he had asked Joss to pose as his wife.

"John, sorry to hear it didn't work out with that reporter." Zoe said, sounding anything except apologetic.

"I'll get over it. I was actually thinking that we should spend a little more time together."

Zoe smiled. "Is that so?" John smirked as he nodded and she grinned, wondering what juicy case he was in need of her help this time. John was easy on the eyes and always interesting. "What is this time?—more power players or more cover ups?" she wondered, something truly juicy that she could sink her teeth into.

"Not exactly," John said slowly, opening a velvet ring box with a large ring sparkling in it, her eyes dropped to it and then up to his in surprise. "Zoe Morgan, will you be my wife?" he asked seriously before he gave her a tiny smile seeing her look. Shocking the pretty fixer was a rare achievement and judging from the little sounds she was making as she tried to form words, he had done just that.

"I…uh…what?" Zoe stammered as speech failed her for the first time in her life.

"It's for a case, Zoe, I need a woman to pose as my wife and you fit the bill perfectly." Someone attractive yet someone who would allow him to think straight and not have him in a perpetual state of arousal as Joss would, yes Zoe was the perfect candidate.

He could see the relief on her face. "Oh thank god," she muttered before getting intrigued once more. "So who is it?"

John smiled. "First tell me; how do you feel about the suburbs?"

* * *

Joss hadn't seen or heard from John since the other night that was just a hot mess of hormones between her and John. The evening was draped with sexual tension and Joss felt like she had regressed in age in John's presence because she felt like a giggling teenager who was horny as hell. Taylor, the good boy he was, had waited until after John left before he teased her mercilessly and she was embarrassed that they were that transparent. Her son liked John immensely, half the time her kid was texting it was to John and not with his friends. He had become more attached to John since the night he spent with John after being kidnapped by Elias. So the urging for her to ask John out wasn't entirely out of the blue even if the conversation was awkward for her to have with her teenage son.

" _Just ask him out mom," Taylor laughed as he followed her into the kitchen._

" _Baby, I can't."_

" _Why not? Girls ask guys out all the time and it's not like you both can claim you don't like each other?! John likes you mom, a lot."_

" _It's not that, Taylor, I'm waiting for John. Baby, he's been hurt."_

" _So have you, dad hurt you."_

" _The difference is: I had a few years to heal and I'm ready to take the plunge into the dating world again, John's not."_

She blinked as her cell phone began to ring, effectively breaking her train of thought. But one thing was for damn certain: they needed to do something soon because she wasn't sure how much longer she could handle the constant tension that coursed between her and John.

Joss fished her cell out of her pocket and smiled, speaking of the devil. "What do you need?" Joss said as she answered her cell.

"Do you think you could run a print for me?" John asked in a way of greeting.

She smiled, loving hearing his voice during the daily grind of being a detective. Hearing from John always lifted up her spirits especially, during tough homicide investigations. "For you, anything," she said with a light playful almost flirty cadence to her voice.

"Anything?—I'll have to remember that," he murmured.

"Did Harold's machine spit out another bad guy for you to stop?" she asked.

"That's what I'm trying to find out. Check your email's inbox, Carter," John said with a quick glance at Zoe.

Joss did as asked and furrowed her brows, seeing the picture of the guy on it along with a partial print photo. "Guy doesn't look so bad, as far as your print I wouldn't hold your breath it's a partial," she warned.

"Start the search in Philadelphia." he said as he walked to the window to look out and see that his number was still standing out in the street looking up and down, more than a little spooked.

"We're not getting on a plane and heading to Philly are we, because I think you and Finch will start owing me vacation days?" she teased.

He smiled. "Not at the moment," he replied softly before hanging up with her, moving back to the small table to sit with Zoe. Not for the first time he wished Joss was here with him. He felt uncomfortable in the home and the feeling that the walls were closing in on him grew as night drew near.

"What now?" Zoe wondered, eyeing John's restless movements. John had been edgy all day, hadn't relaxed at all since entering this nice colonial.

He sat back with fingers clasped behind his head and exhaled. "We wait," he said and die of boredom while they did so he thought. Suburbia wasn't his idea of paradise, rather it was more like purgatory if you asked him. Maybe if Joss was around she could have diverted his growing need to leave with conversation. Joss always had something to say, something to contribute to the conversation and nothing grew stale or boring when she was around.

"Well the party never stops when you're around, what do these people do for fun?" Zoe asked, truly baffled. City living sure the hell beat this out by a country mile and she was sure John felt the same way. It might explain his agitated state, his look of a caged animal seeking escape. They were like two sides of the same coin, similar in so many ways.

John leaned back. "Beats me, got any ideas?"

Zoe smirked. "Well there is one thing we could do that would be a lot of fun," she said coyly.

"What?"

His aloofness was sexy. "Sex, John," she suggested as she leaned forward. "We're both consenting attractive adults who are posing as a married couple. May as well act out the honeymoon." Zoe knew sex with John would be nothing short of amazing. For people like them sex was what they excelled at.

He hid his grimace. Zoe Morgan was a beautiful and enticing woman but he didn't really want her in such a way. "Uh, I was thinking more along the lines of something platonic," he said gently.

Zoe frowned. "You really don't want to have sex with me do you?" she said in amazement and he just merely stared at her. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He enjoyed the flirtation, the light banter back and forth, and if Joss wasn't a factor he would most certainly sleep with Zoe to get the mindless release. Zoe was beautiful and as she said, attractive, but Joss was a factor even if they weren't tied romantically. "Wow. I'll admit I never had a guy shut me down this quickly before. There must be another woman because you look like the type to be a one woman man even when involved in just a sexual relationship. Because that's all I want John, just sex with you. I don't want love or feelings just like you don't," she said as she sat forward. "Can this mystery woman say the same thing? Can she say that she won't try to change you, try to make you think you can have more than what you're capable of?"

John kept a blank face. Joss had already changed him for the better, he would have killed anyone that looked at her wrong, but wouldn't because she didn't approve of that method. Hell, he had been close to shooting Jennings in the head for abusing his wife much like Peter had to Jessica, but hadn't because of Joss. Maybe it was too much to believe and hope that he could change enough to be with her in a more than friendly capacity.

"So you're saying I'm not capable of anything beyond sex?" he questioned softly, knowing he wasn't, but still hearing it being said by another person, who was good at reading people, hurt. He was truly useless for anything beyond some sexual gratification, surely nothing for a woman like Joss Carter. Men like him were a dime a dozen, nothing special, and she could find a better man that could give that and everything he clearly wasn't capable of.

"No, I'm sorry, John, and I can see you were hoping I'd say something else. But you and I are a lot alike, we don't let people in, and we are only good for a night or at most a weekend," Zoe murmured as she slid her hand over his. "We don't do relationships because we just mess it up. But sex, now sex, we're good at it."

He slid his hand free of hers, sat back, and keeping the pain he felt from the words to himself. He had known in his heart he wasn't ever going to be good enough for Joss Carter. "How about some poker?" he suggested instead.

Zoe pouted a bit. "My idea is more fun, but poker can be fun too when I take all your money," she said with a slow smile, relenting, sensing she could try again to get him in bed some other night. Planting the seeds of doubt in him might make it so that next time she asked, she wouldn't be denied. She had a feeling that sex with John was an experience worth having. "I'll go get the cards." 

* * *

They had gotten a break in the case by the following evening. Graham Wyler was living under an assumed identity and was a thief. His old team had gone to jail and they escaped, coming after him, blaming him for the reason they went to prison. They were using Wyler's family to blackmail him into one last job. What they needed to do was get Wyler out of harms' way and round up the crew so they couldn't hurt Graham's family.

John and Zoe were currently in his car, driving while waiting for word from Harold as to the address of where the job was going down. John's phone buzzed with a text with the address of where Wyler might be at.

Zoe peered at his phone. "I know that building. Front security desk isn't just going to let you in but I can get you upstairs. I know a guy that lives in the building, a lawyer who I helped untangle in a malpractice thing, he is sweet on me," Zoe said, looking away from his phone.

He nodded and looked back to the road. "Finch any way to see into that room?" he asked through the earwig.

" _Building's website boasts all units are equipped with smart home technology, so yes I'm sure there is something we can exploit_."

"Good, call Carter,"

" _Of course_ , _I'll have her meet you there_." Finch agreed and they disconnected.

Zoe was quiet for a moment. "I've met your one imaginary friend already. So who is this Carter?"

"A friend in the NYPD,"

"He sounds handy," Zoe murmured.

John winced, Joss was all soft, warm, sexy female. John shifted as he felt the uncomfortable stirring in his groin yet again as he thought about her. "Oh she is."

"She," Zoe repeated. "Officer?" she asked.

"Carter is a Detective, works in homicide."

Zoe nodded her head, already disliking her. Not only was this person John relied on a woman, but also something of importance, she hoped this Detective Carter was ugly. They arrived at the address and exited his car. "Where are you, Finch?" he asked as he connected with him once more as he popped the trunk to grab the duffel bag full of goodies.

" _Already inside Mr. Reese I need to see just how encrypted their system is, so give me a moment_."

John nodded, slinging the strap over his shoulder and slamming the trunk shut. "Fine by me, Harold," he said before motioning to Zoe to follow him as he saw Joss just exiting her car.

Zoe frowned as a pretty black woman walked directly towards John. This was Detective Carter?—she was far from ugly, in fact the woman was quite stunning. Zoe sized her up, glanced at John's face, and saw the reason why they didn't sleep together last night. It was because of this woman.

"This is one way of catching them in the act," Joss stated.

He stopped before her. "Everyone is in the 42nd floor, soon as I pull Wyler out of there, be ready to round up the crew," John instructed.

"You really think it's going to be that simple? It's never that simple when you are involved," Joss said teasingly.

"Have a little faith," he said.

Joss had faith John would do something reckless that would endanger himself. That was him and she couldn't change that fact, then she glanced from John to Zoe, and grew irritated. Why in the hell was she with him? How could Zoe help? "We haven't had the pleasure of meeting, I'm Detective Joss Carter," she said, leaving off she was John's friend and confidant, someone he turned to when he needed someone. She didn't want to sound territorial even if she was.

She held out her hand and Zoe took it giving it a strong shake. "Zoe, John's wife," evidently Zoe had no qualms of sounding territorial.

Joss reared back and glanced at John, who looked uncomfortable. "Long story," he muttered before walking away with Zoe towards the residential building, feeling Joss's gaze on him. "Did you really have to do that Zoe?" he whispered.

"Do what?" she played innocent.

He shook his head but dropped the conversation and just focused on saving Wyler. He would just have to explain to Carter everything later. 

* * *

Joss was angry about last night, about seeing John and Zoe together posing as a married couple. She was home alone and had time to herself after a long work day and avoiding John to put everything in perspective. John had called her a handful of times earlier this morning and afternoon, probably wanting to explain his long story about how he was married to Zoe Morgan. But she didn't want to hear it, so she spent her day focusing on her cases. Thankfully her son was spending the weekend at a friend's house because if he saw her eating ice cream he would be asking if she was alright, this was her go-to comfort food. Joss dug the spoon into her favorite chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She had nearly inhaled the carton as she sat on her kitchen island, legs crossed under her.

Her back door opened and she didn't even bother to look up, or grow worried over an intruder, knowing just who the hell it was. She was wondering how long it would take him to break and enter her place. "Joss!—are you alright?" John called out as he grew closer. He exited the mud room before entering her kitchen, finding her on her kitchen island. "You're alright," he said with relief.

"Fine," she said quietly.

"You haven't answered any of my texts or calls." She shrugged, keeping her gaze down into the carton as she ate the ice cream. "I was worried about you," he stated harshly, angry that she worried him for no reason.

Her eyes lifted and he was surprised at the anger contorting her pretty face. "I'm sorry, I guess I should have called your _wife_. Speaking of Zoe how is the ole' ball and chain?" she asked sugary sweet.

He looked at her. "Joss, it wasn't like that and if you would have answered one of my calls or texts I could have explained it to you."

"Explained what?—that you needed help on a case that required a woman to pose as your wife and you chose Zoe instead of me?" she said before putting a hand to her mouth. "Oops, all explained." she sniped before dropping her hand down and dug the spoon in for more ice cream.

"Carter, that's not how it was."

"No?—sure the hell looks like it." she snapped as she hopped off her kitchen island, jamming the lid to what was left of the ice cream and flung it into her freezer. She flung the spoon into her sink as she turned to look at him. "Did you sleep with her?" the question slipped out before she could think better of it. She had no rights on him but she couldn't quite squash the steely grips the green-eyed monster had gotten into her ever since John worked Zoe Morgan's number.

John felt his own anger increase over the question. "Not that it is any of your business, but no I didn't sleep with Zoe, we were quite professional."

"So if it wasn't for a booty call then why her and not me? What-I'm not the picturesque wife or something?" she complained. Sure she was mouthy but she could have played Mrs. Beaver if she needed to. Not that she thought John wanted a Mrs. Beaver type wife or girlfriend. She figured that John enjoyed a woman who could think for herself.

"You are…"

"Then what is it then that Zoe could do for you that I couldn't?" she demanded.

John saw no way around it. He was going to have to tell her the truth because there was no other way of explaining why he needed Zoe instead of her. "Because I could be professional with Zoe," he said with an extended sigh and she stared at him in confusion until the implication sank in.

"So you're saying the reason you chose Zoe Morgan over me to pose as your wife is because she could be professional. Thanks a lot," her anger nearly boiled over.

"I didn't say that," he growled. "I said: I, me, could be professional." he pointed to himself, staring into her eyes. "If I took you instead I don't know if I could have been all that professional and worked the case."

Joss crossed her arms. "We work together all the time; go on stakeouts, shoot kneecaps together, and you can work with me fine then."

"Joss you're not getting it." he said exasperated. "I can't work with you in those conditions. Look at what happened in Texas when we were alone and shared that motel room."

"John, nothing happened." 'Unfortunately,' her mind mentally added.

"I turned to Zoe because I knew I could focus on my job at hand, which was saving Wyler. Choosing Zoe over you had nothing to do with not wanting you, Joss," he said quietly before turning to walk back towards her mud room to leave from the same way he entered. He paused at the threshold of her kitchen, body angled towards the mud room, and turned to look back at her where she was rooted in the same spot. "I'm sorry I hurt you." he apologized softly and with that he turned and walked to exit her back door.

Joss had stood there for a good few moments absorbing his words and his insinuation behind his reason of why he hadn't chosen her finally sunk in and it spurred her into action. "John! Wait!" she called, not wanting to leave things like this. John and the relationship they had forged together was far too important to her to let things be left as they were right now between them.

She ran to her door, throwing it open, and found he had vanished into the shadows and she sighed. Joss truly hated how good at that he was as she slammed the door closed.

* * *

AN: If you have been waiting for movement between them then next chapter will make you guys a little happy as next chapter Joss heads on over to John's place to confront him :) 

Thanks for reading!


	27. Chapter 27

This wasn't what Joss wanted to do at night, when she wanted an early night. She had planned on taking a relaxing bubble bath, change into her satin purple tank top and matching shorts pajamas and relax in bed with her book. But instead she was at John's place, still in her work attire wanting to clear the air between them. She should have known there was a reason for why he turned to Zoe. She allowed her jealousy to get the best of her and she was embarrassed with how she acted. She needed to do her own apologizing to him. And she could wait until tomorrow morning, had paced her kitchen floor a while trying to decide when to apologize, and settled with needing to see him now or she wouldn't get any sleep.

John's security guard allowed her entrance with a smile and greeting which was happily reciprocated. It seemed John had friends without realizing he made some. She rushed to the front desk as Joe sat there with coffee in hand. "Hey Joe, remember me: Joss Carter?"

"Yes, you're hardly a woman that is easily forgotten. When I saw the brunette with him a few nights ago I thought things between you and Mr. Warren hadn't gone well. But I am glad that is not so, you are far sweeter than she was."

She smiled at the compliment and for the fact that Joe had confused her and John as romantically involved rather than just friends. He had done that the night she came over to have dinner with John for his birthday and she hadn't straightened his error then either. She'd known of John bringing Maxine to his place while working her case, but John had no choice in the matter, he couldn't very well take her to a safe house without her getting suspicious as to who John 'Anderson' really was.

"Can I head up, I need to talk to John?"

"Of course you can, you are on his very short list of people allowed up."

"Thanks and it was nice seeing you again, Joe," she said with a warm smile before turning to hurry for the elevator.

"I hope to see you more often," Joe said with a smile as she turned to look back at him.

"I hope so too," she agreed as the elevator doors opened and she stepped in and hit for the fifth floor. She waved to Joe before the doors slid shut and focused on what she wanted to say to John. First an apology for how she acted and then the other stuff later. She exited the elevator after the short ride up and walked immediately for his door. It was quiet up here and she saw a glow of light slipping from under the crack of his door.

Joss knocked softly. When no footsteps sounded she frowned as she knocked a little harder. "John," she called quietly. When still nothing, she knocked harder. Damn it she knew he was home, she could see a light emitting a glow from within his place. She pounded on his door, not having to fear she would wake his neighbor as he didn't have one. "Come on, John, I know you're in there, I'll beat on this door all damn night if I have to," she stated as she pounded on the door with her fist. "Come on, you just break in my place all the time. I'm being considerate here and knocking. I can go to my car and get my lock pick too you know!" she stated as she put her hands on her hips, giving her hand a break as it was starting to hurt from how hard she was pounding on his door.

Joss narrowed her eyes on the door hoping he could feel the heat of her glare through the damn wood. "Open up so we can talk or I'll serenade you and, trust me, when I say a screeching cat carries a better tune than I can," she guaranteed. When she heard no footsteps, nothing on the other side she pounded on the door four or five quick successions. "You open this damn door!" she demanded and then stopped. "Alright you asked for it," she declared before clearing her throat.

"O, say can you see, by the dawn's early light!" she started to sing the national anthem before she heard the lock undo and the door open.

John stood there barefoot in just his dress pants and undershirt that was untucked on the one side like he was just getting undressed. He had an incredulous look on his face. "I thought you were kidding about being unable to sing, you have a beautiful voice. Nails being dragged on a chalkboard sounds better than you singing," he muttered as she bypassed him before he could close the door on her to keep her out.

"I warned you." she reminded as he slid the door closed and locked it.

"What are you doing here, Joss?" he asked softly.

"I know you apologized but you weren't the one that should have because I'm the one that owes you one." He furrowed his brows. So she pushed onward. "I owe you an apology because I was acting out of line and made you worry about me because I allowed my jealousy of Zoe Morgan to get the best of me. I'm ashamed of my behavior, and myself. I'm sorry."

He blinked. "What?"

Joss put her fists on her hips. "You really gonna make me repeat myself? Ladies don't want to admit being jealous once, let alone twice," she explained with annoyance.

"Why would you be jealous of Zoe?" he asked, genuinely stumped.

"Uh, have you seen Zoe Morgan?"

"Yes, she isn't half as beautiful as you are."

She snorted. "Nice of you to say, John, and I know I'm not ugly but I'm no Zoe Morgan." Her emphasis on 'no' was making him clench his teeth.

"Stop saying that," he growled, now getting irritated that she was measuring herself to Zoe and feeling like she didn't quite meet up and for the life of him he couldn't understand. Was this some sort of insecurity she developed because of her ex-husband cheated on her? Joss was beautiful and even admitted to knowing that she wasn't ugly by any means, so where was this coming from?

"So leggy brunettes or blonds that weigh a hundred pounds aren't your type, John?—please remember I've seen about a half dozen photographs of Jessica Arndt when I spoke to her mother. Woman has kept a shrine to her, which I can understand. She was her only child; I'd die if anything happened to my boy."

"I don't have a type," he replied, annoyed that she thought he did. "Just because Jessica was a leggy blond doesn't mean I always go for that."

She chuckled. "No?"

"No."

"Was your girlfriend before Jessica a leggy blond?"

He frowned when he would have to say yes. He had to go back in time to think of a previous girl before Jessica that he could consider as a girlfriend. He hadn't had many. Most of his relationships didn't last very long. But there was one girl before Jessica, one he had really liked who had captured his adolescent heart.

"Aha, your silence means she was!" Joss sounded triumphant.

"She was, but she doesn't really count, I dated her when I was a teenager."

Joss blinked in surprise at that admission. "You only had two girlfriends?" She couldn't erase the incredulity from her voice. But she just couldn't help it. John was like on another level of hotness, she figured he would have had tons of girlfriends back before the agency got their claws into him.

"Only two that count, there were other women but I wouldn't consider them girlfriends," he muttered uncomfortable with the direction the conversation swung. Remembering his past, any of it, wasn't something he liked doing.

"Who was the other girl?" Joss asked, curious. She knew all about Jessica Arndt, well everything that didn't matter anyway. She knew Jessica had been John's ideal happily-ever-after, which she felt like was more what he was in love with than the woman herself. And that came from multiple different conversations with the man spreading over the few months she's come to know him, where he would give her bit by bit. She had to put everything together herself. But the remaining missing piece of the puzzle was why he broke up with her, and if she had that she would have a much better understanding of the man that was slowly wiggling into her heart without even meaning to.

He shrugged. "You don't really want to hear about my past girlfriend."

"Actually I do." she admitted. "You aren't exactly a fountain of information and I like when you share some of your past with me."

"I don't like talking about it."

"Why?—you sure the hell don't mind listening to me when I talk about mine."

"Because everything in my past led to nothing but disappointment and loss, Joss, so I prefer living in the now," he answered, she felt her resolve stiffen to get him to open up about his past with her. Joss had a feeling John used it to shut everyone out and knew the moment he let go of his past all the walls he spent years erecting would crumble. He just needed a little help. She smiled and his eyes narrowed. "What?" he demanded immediately feeling defensive.

"Nothing," she said innocently.

"You're smiling like you have a secret," he said suspiciously.

"No secret, I'm going to get you to open up about your past and you're going to love it," she said merrily. "But since you shut me down about your past how about you explain to me why you chose Zoe over me?"

"I explained that already Joss."

"I know you did but you did it without saying the real reason, John. You said that you couldn't be professional in a situation like that with me, so that leads me to believe one thing: you're attracted to me," she declared and it hung in the air between them. They were standing near his door and he just stared down at her. Even though she wanted him to take the first step she was going to see what her nudging would do. "John, say something."

"I don't know what to say."

"Try the truth. If you think it's going to change things between us it won't because we won't let it. I care about you, I know you care about me too, and there is something between us. It's been there since we met."

John swallowed hard. "I was a homeless man," he murmured, feeling like his mouth was parched as his voice came out crackling. He wanted to talk about this even less than he wanted to talk about his past because he didn't believe her that he wouldn't lose her. Everyone always had a way of leaving him one way or another.

"Yes you were, but I'm not a shallow woman and you have attractive qualities that aren't just your looks, John."

"Stop, Joss…"

"Stop saying the truth, okay, how about you try it for once." she suggested and when he stood there staring at her, she pushed, she needed him to take that first step, maybe if she told him a truth he'd reciprocate. "In Texas when we woke up in bed together and you were about to kiss me I wanted it to happen, John, and I still do."

John's tenuous hold on his control snapped at hearing her admission as he closed the gap between them, grabbing her cheeks as he kissed her. He hadn't heard a woman say they wanted him in so long and hearing Joss say she wanted him made his heart race. But her mouth was soft, perfect as he was sure the rest of her was. It was gentle at first just their lips touching before he deepened it once she kissed him back. His lips moved on hers coaxing more from her, needing more from her. She rested her hands on his shoulders as she leaned into the kiss, before sliding her arms around his neck. John lost himself in the moment which was unusual. Everything else fell away but Joss and how she made him feel.

Joss moaned as the kiss kept going and going, her fingers curling into his soft hair, thank god he stopped using that hairspray, and she loved feeling his body pressed closed to her. She slid her tongue into his mouth and it was like fire erupted inside her before John jerked out of the kiss, breathing heavy, and stared down at her as his thumbs drew circles on her cheeks.

"Joss…"

"Yes, whatever question you want answered, my answer is yes," she whispered.

"Are you sure Joss, please be sure or turn around and run out that door right now?" he said close to begging. He didn't have any strength left to let her go. It all evaporated the moment she told him she wanted him even though there were millions of other men far better suited for her than he was. But yet Joss still wanted him and John had never wanted something so much as he wanted Joss Carter.

"If you're asking if I'm sure I want you there isn't anything else I want more in this world than I want you, John."

He sighed as he lowered his head and took her mouth again, even if he could only have her this one night he would take it because he knew being with Joss was going to be the closest to heaven he was ever going to get.

* * *

AN: YAAAAAAAAY they finally kissed and are about to get their groove on ;D So rating will be getting bumped up next chapter. I'll try to warn you guys about smut so the ones that don't like reading it will know and can skip ahead.

Thanks for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

_**AN: Happy (early) Valentine's Day! I'm kind of happy that this chapter coincided with Valentine's Day since I stalled on my V-Day ficlet. Well here is Careese smut but it's smut with feelings.  
**_

* * *

Yes, finally, that long-suffering wait had been worth it as he kissed her. He was pushing her pantsuit blazer off her shoulders and she let it hit his floor, carelessly, while his tongue busied itself in her mouth, playing with hers. She wasn't aware of the fact that she was being walked backwards till her back collided with his door. Fire rocketed down her body, settling between her legs as his knee slid between her legs, brushing her intimately. John's hands slid down to her butt and grabbed.

John moaned, her butt felt amazing in his hands as he expected it too. He pulled her flush against him as he ended the kiss to press warm kisses against her cheek and neck.

She shivered hoping this wasn't some cruel dream and she would wake up any minute now unsatisfied. Too many of those dreams of her and John had fueled her restless nights of sleep.

"John," she murmured softly as her hands disbanded from around his neck sliding down to his ass as her belly was pressed up against his groin. "This is happening, right?" she asked. She never asked her dream John this sort of question before. Maybe she should pinch herself or him to be sure? She felt his thickening erection and she became impatient to get him naked.

He leaned back to stare at her. "Unfortunately for you it is," he muttered seductively, before pushing her hands off him and lifted her up and carried her to his bed. Joss sighed happy as she sprinkled soft kisses to his jaw and chin. John climbed on the bed and laid her down softly on his bed, like she was fragile and he was afraid he was going to break her. It was nice being cherished.

John leaned back and rubbed her upper legs, his thumbs sliding along her inner thighs, stopping just short of where she needed his touch the most.

"I'm not much Joss, this is all I can give you," he said. Yep, no dream at all, her dream John never said anything self-deprecating about himself to irritate her; to be fair though her dream John never said much at all.

She smiled. "I just want you, John," she responded just as seductively. He drifted his fingers over her sex in the world's most briefest touch that had her hips jumping up for more.

"You're so responsive, Joss," he whispered. He needed to keep a tight grasp of his control.

"And you're a tease," she said with a hitch of breath as he teased her again with the soft brush of his fingers across her crotch. It wasn't enough with her clothing in the way.

John shook his head. "I'm not teasing, Joss, I just want this to last."

"Well, we can do it more than once," she suggested, knowing that one time with John wouldn't be enough.

He smiled. "That's a given. I meant I haven't had sex with a woman in a long time, hadn't wanted to until you, and I want the first time to last longer than an embarrassing few minutes so I'm pacing myself."

Joss squirmed under the all-too-brief touches. "Pace yourself or go slower than a snail moves. You are not the only one who has not had sex in a while, John." And he needed to go slow while she needed fast, wanted fast. Getting John here she had been patient for but now she craved to have him now. They could have slow next time.

"When?" he asked gently as his eyes drifted over her, wondering where or what he wanted to touch first.

"Paul."

His eyes lifted. "You haven't slept with a man since your divorce?" he said surprised. But that meant she hadn't had sex longer than him, so he needed to take his time with her, make absolutely sure she was ready for him, so he didn't cause her any discomfort.

She lifted her hands rubbing her palms against his before their fingers linked together. She would rather not talk about this when she was trying to seal the deal with John because she really wanted this night to happen, and not have him end it because of some foolish notion that she was making a mistake. But evidently in bed John turned into a chatty Kathy. He just stared down at her waiting for her to speak.

Joss exhaled as she settled her head more firmly on his pillow. "The sex stopped well before the divorce. The last time for me was when Paul and I tried to save our failing marriage, it ended in disaster and not at all satisfying. I couldn't relax with Paul, didn't even realize I wasn't in love with him and more in love with the idea of marriage. He got angry and revealed he was sleeping with hookers. It hurt to know he was unfaithful before the reality of my situation set in that I could have an STD or AIDs. I was scared and immediately got checked out and learned I was clean but after that experience sex with any guy held no appeal."

That all was until John came along, he was the first man that she wanted and not just sexually. But she couldn't get ahead of herself, wanting John emotionally wasn't going to happen for a while. He already made it clear to her that he felt like the only thing he had to offer was sex. Pushing John would do nothing and get her nowhere as John had imprisoned his feelings, needs, and his tender heart behind walls so thick, so no one could ever hurt him. She understood the need to protect one's self because she had been there herself. And John had a good line of defense set up, but she was chipping away at the holes that she had poked through just with patience, kindness, and care.

"I'm sorry he hurt you like that," he finally spoke.

She shrugged hiding how it affected her. "It's fine. It was something that happened I learned some tough lessons but it's all over. I've moved on with my life."

"Still he was someone you trusted with something as intimate as two people can get and he had abused that trust."

"I'm better, John, and I trust you to never hurt me like that." She knew John would never cheat on her. She didn't know how she knew but she did.

He leaned over her and brushed his soft lips against hers. "Is he the reason you feel like you're not enough for a man?" he wondered as he took sips at her lips, just barely dipping his tongue into the inner recess of her lovely mouth, before nipping at her chin. "Joss…"

She swallowed hard, hating any hint of vulnerability to show. "It shows?"

"Kind of," he murmured. Her breath hitched as he brushed his index fingers against the undersides of her breasts. "You compared yourself to Zoe."

She was going to die from sheer wanting of this man if he didn't touch her for real. "John…"

"Didn't you?" he pressed the issue.

"Yes."

"I don't like it, do not do it again," he ordered gently.

She gasped not only at his gall to order her to do anything but from his feather-light touch of his fingers brushed her nipples and her back arched to fill his palms with her breasts that ached for more, needing her clothes off of her so desperately. "And I don't like when people tell me what to do, John," she said as sternly as possible. "You see, I have this stubborn streak."

John smiled as he leaned back to stare into her eyes. And his normal pale blue eyes were dark as stormy oceans with desire, they were stunning. "Oh, I know just how stubborn you are. I've been an unsuspecting recipient of your stubborn streak." he said.

Joss snorted. "Unsuspecting?—I didn't exactly hide my intentions with you when I continuously showed up to the encampment. You were playing hard to get."

He chuckled. "Hard to get is what you call it? You and I have different memories of what happened," he said as his eyes dipped down her body, seizing the opportunity with her distracted to glance over the body he wanted to devour. He felt his body respond as he pictured just what he wanted to do to her.

"That's because you seem to have selective memory," she huffed.

He grew serious as he leaned over her. "Your ex-husband was a stupid, stupid man for choosing some classless woman for a meaningless few seconds over you, for giving you up, for treating you in such a way." He punctuated his statements with kisses to her lips, jaws, and the spot on her neck that had her moaning.

Her body was going to go up in flames and he hadn't even removed her clothes yet. "John," and she ended her plea on his name as her voice stopped when she felt his tongue swirling on her neck.

"You're perfect in every way, Joss, never believe anything less," he whispered against her neck, his tongue circling her racing pulse, and he removed his touch when she didn't respond. "Joss."

She blinked. "What?"

"Since you don't like me ordering it how about you promise me you'll stop measuring yourself up to women because they are the ones that don't measure up to you." He compromised, sort of. He wasn't going to continue on if she didn't agree, which would kill him but he would do it.

"I promise," she murmured, seeing he wanted a verbal confirmation.

John smiled warmly and it took her breath away. "Good, now, where was I?"

"Killing me with PG-13 Rated stuff when I rented the X-Rated version," she supplied morosely.

He chuckled at her words. "I told you I need to take my time with you, Joss, or I'm going to embarrass myself. You don't want that now do you?"

She sat up and kissed him hungrily. If he wasn't going to get this party started then she must do it herself. John sighed into her mouth as she pulled him down and he laid on top of her, taking control of the kiss as she spread her legs and he fit snuggly between her legs with his erection firmly pressed against her intimately as he rubbed against her sinfully. It was nearly too much for her as she broke the kiss to hiss in pleasure.

"Please get me naked." she pleaded and wasn't below begging if it meant he would get them naked sooner. His hands slid down to her matching vest to her pantsuit and began tugging. She sputtered as she heard the fabric groaning as he popped the buttons on the vest. "JOHN!" she said in anger but it went heedless as he tugged on her blouse and the delicate black buttons popped off next. She moaned as he pulled her bra cups down exposing her breasts to him and he sucked on one. Her hands immediately slid into his hair.

John shifted his attention to her other breast and tried to calm the raging storm inside him as he wanted to tear off her clothes and fuck her senseless. But he couldn't, he'd hurt her, and he'd die if he hurt her in any way. So he tried to ignore the blinding need he was feeling and concentrated on her. Joss was moaning and arching her back beneath him, her breasts were a delicious distraction from what he really desired. He gave her nipple one last suck before releasing her and sat back on his knees to stare down at her to rid her of these clothes.

When his mouth was off her breasts she was again capable of rational thought. "John, you better have: 'know how to sew' in your vigilante repertoire." she complained as he tugged her shoes off, her socks, and focused on her pants leaving her to discard the broken vest and shirt along with taking off her bra. He pushed her back onto her back so he could tug just her pants down leaving her in her soaked cotton boy-shorts panties. Damn it she wished she was wearing her thong panties for him but she hadn't quite suspected she would end up in John's bed tonight.

John sat back to stare down at her. The scar was large but didn't draw his attention as much as the gorgeous breasts with hard nipples or the lovely sex waiting for him. His hands skimmed her body, past the elastic of her panties but not slipping his fingers under. He wanted to be between her warm thighs, driving into her tight heat again and again, but not until he was sure she was ready so instead his fingers teased her through her panties. The soft cotton was damp to the touch and he swallowed hard as he rubbed her.

Joss forgot to breathe as his fingers were touching her and making thinking a foreign concept. All cognitive thought was on his hand dancing across her aching core that was in desperate need of him. And then his hand was gone and her eyes opened as she gave him the stink eye.

"And just what the hell are you doing?" she questioned.

He smiled as he got to his feet. "I thought you wanted us to be naked?" he asked innocently as he took his shirt off before undoing his belt and fly, pushing his pants down. She happily sighed as a smile tilted her lips up with eyes firmly on the bulge in his boxer-briefs.

"Yes," she agreed dreamily. She had a good imagination and his underwear left nothing to the imagination but still she wanted to see him and touch him. God, did she want to touch him. Joss frowned when he climbed back onto his bed. "You left your underwear on John." she pointed out in mild complaint.

He chuckled. "You are very observant, detective." he teased as he immediately reached for the elastic of her panties tugging them down.

She lifted her hips to help him draw them down. "Why keep them on?—rip those bad boys off." she pouted.

John hissed in pleasure as her question never penetrated the thick fog surrounding his brain and he had no blood left as it had all flowed to his groin where his cock was very hard and in desperate need for her. He flung the unwanted panties off his bed, staring down at her enraptured with the beauty that laid bare. Joss was naked in all her gorgeous glory and she was his. She squirmed a little under the unblinking stare.

"You are truly beautiful, how can you even want to be with someone like me." he murmured as his hands teased her thighs feeling the warmth of her vagina, could see the glistening hue to her sex knowing she was wet and waiting for him.

"Don't start that now, John, please I just want you," she said softly, trying damn hard not to feel vulnerable underneath the probing gaze that was settled between her legs. But it was damn hard to feel anything but beautiful by the look on his face as he stared.

He touched her clitoris with his thumb unable to resist the allure to touch her and her hips jerked up and he closed his eyes at the slickness. "Joss," he whispered thickly, he was rapidly losing the last of his thin control. "I really want to taste you."

She squirmed again. Oh god, she hadn't had a man do that in much longer than intercourse. Paul was never really a fan of giving oral. Receiving, sure, but giving not so much. "John, I…"

His gaze lifted to her eyes and she saw understanding sparkle in his dark blue eyes. "It's okay, Joss, it's okay, I understand. He hurt you," he whispered as he covered her, loving the feel of her bare chest against his as he captured her mouth with his. He focused on kissing her trying to calm himself before shifting somewhat to slide two fingers deep inside her swallowing her gasp as he rubbed her clitoris with his thumb.

Joss moaned as she pushed free of the kiss, nearly mindless except to the pleasure. He was fucking her with his hand. "I trust you," she managed to get out, as if that clarified a damn thing which it didn't because she couldn't form complete thoughts at the moment. Her thighs spread wide as he found a steady rhythm.

"But you're not ready for that," he said. Breathing heavily, he leaned over and sucked on her breast, her hips undulating as he pressed his thumb more firmly against her clitoris to increase the pressure. He needed her ready for him because he didn't think he could wait much longer to be inside her.

Think Joss, damn it, think, don't let him think you don't trust him with something so exposing as oral sex! "Maybe next time," she panted.

He closed his eyes and hoped he could wait that long because he pictured her taste being delicious and addicting, something he would need again and again. Maybe it was for the best to wait until next time, this was his first time since that horrific night with Kara and he nearly gagged as the phantom taste of his blood mixing with her fluids haunted him. He banished her from his thoughts focusing only on Joss.

"John," she gasped as she felt the fire in her loins, knowing she could easily come like this but didn't want to. "I want more than this, please, I want you."

"I know you do, so do I, but I'll hurt you. I need you ready." he whispered before kissing her.

Joss reached down and grabbed his wrist to cease his hand's movement. She broke the kiss to stare into his eyes. "You won't hurt me."

He breathed unevenly as he withdrew his hand from her and helplessly licked his fingers clean needing to cleanse himself of Kara's unwanted memory. Joss hissed in pleasure and he closed his eyes; as he suspected, she tasted like heaven. "I knew it." he sighed more to himself.

She swallowed hard, watching him lick his fingers clean of her was insanely hot. "John," she whispered as she stared at the bulge in his underwear. She wanted him naked so badly. Their eyes met. But she wanted to prove to him she trusted him, to prove to herself that what Paul did had no more ill effect on her. She wanted to show John it was alright to be vulnerable to each other and if she needed to be the first then so be it. "Go slow," she said and opened her thighs in invitation and his eyes turned black.

He licked his lips. "Joss, are you sure?"

She nodded her head. He immediately lowered himself down and settled onto her without another word. She hissed in pleasure as she grabbed one hand to the mattress and the other in his hair. This was his idea of slow, good lord. But she didn't even care because his tongue was everywhere at once and she fell back onto the pillows and was left to just feel. John sure the hell knew how to do this, no slouching in this department. He seemed to know just what to do when she wanted it. Gentle sucking, then teasing licks, and she was seeing stars. Pleasure was pummeling her from all sides as she felt the swirling tension inside her tightening. Joss felt his strong shoulders pressing her thighs up, her feet dug into the mattress as she tried to follow his talented mouth.

"John," she begged as he moved his head, trying to drag in enough air and she tried pushing his head back to where she needed him. Right at this point she didn't care if he needed a breather, she needed her orgasm that was just in reach. But he refused to put his mouth to good use, instead he bit her thigh with just enough pressure to cause a pinprick of pain but nothing to hurt her. He soothed the miniscule pain with his tongue. He looked back down at her quivering and warm vagina. He let his breath wash over her and she squirmed in his hold. He grinned as he turned to fix his attention to her other thigh, letting her orgasm that she was so close to flitter into the background.

He settled his mouth onto her again, once he was sure she wasn't on the verge of coming, and he sucked on her. Her back arched high off the bed and she moaned his name. Her fingers clenched in his hair and her other hand grabbed desperately at his forearm. Her thighs spread wider as her heels dug into his back. John busied his tongue down to her inner lips and loved her mewling sounds she made. Her wetness soaked his tongue as he slid his tongue between her swollen lips. He flattened his tongue as he licked up, exploring her entire sex, making sure not one single spot of her wasn't well loved.

John slowly pulled away as he felt her stomach muscles clench under his forearm, heard the sharpness to her breath, and the way her thighs tightened around his head. Her eyes snapped open. "John, please…"

He slid up her body and kissed her hungrily. He let his throbbing erection that was still in his boxer-briefs pressed against her belly, careful to not let them touch intimately. Her hands dove for his waist and he immediately grabbed them before they could get into his underwear. He pinned her hands together above her head in one of his.

She broke the kiss. "John, let go," she demanded angrily. He took a dusky nipple into his mouth sucking to soothe her. She moaned as he drew on her aching peak. He tongued the hard pebble, pressing his erection against her belly button. "Oh John, I want to touch you, damn it." She said on a long exhale as that erection was impressive and all for her and she wanted to touch him, see him as much as he wanted to touch and see her.

He removed his mouth from her breast. "I know you do." he whispered as he turned his attention to her other wonderful firm globe. He caught her tender nipple between his teeth and tugged up before letting go with a smile. "But you're not allowed to yet," he murmured before he leaned over her, carefully moving so he could keep his tight grip on her hands but also so he could trail his tongue from her sternum down between the valley of her breasts all the way down to her belly button. She shook as she tried to suppress a moan, loving the feeling of his warm and soft tongue licking down her body. He took a minor detour as he lavished loving attention on her scar before he moved up her body, up her neck until his tongue found its way into her mouth. She circled her legs around his waist.

She heard his breath hitch as they touched intimately. She rolled her hips to grind into him. He was so hard, big, and throbbing under the annoying cotton. She could feel the heat he was generating through his underwear, could imagine the veins bulging out of his strong and powerful cock. He was going to have the most beautiful cock she would ever see in her life if she could just get him out of that underwear. He looked amazing in them but now she wanted him in his birthday suit. John pulled out of the kiss. His body was flushed, his fair skin was reddish, and his eyes were blazing with sexual desire.

He let go of her hands as he sat back suddenly as her legs fell away. She immediately grabbed for his underwear. "Joss, wait."

"No, we waited long enough and you played keep away with my orgasm long enough too,"she replied with a firm shove, toppling him onto his back. Her hands immediately reached for his waist and tugged his underwear down. "Wow!" She breathed, unable to keep from reacting as his cock sprung free. Impressive was an understatement to describe what Joss was seeing. She had slept with a few guys but none of them had a cock that made her weak in the knees just staring at it. She wrapped her hand around the shaft and realized she needed both hands. She gulped as she licked her lips, suddenly she was hungry for something hard to suck on.

He groaned. "Joss, you're making it impossible to think."

"I'm sorry John, it's just you think I'm beautiful and perfect, your cock is perfect and beautiful to me." she said for a lack of a better term. She was sure no man wanted to hear his manhood was beautiful but nothing else described him. Because he literally was, he was perfect in size and length.

John tried to remember why it was they needed to stop but he was having a hard time thinking with her hand wrapped around his dick. She was exploring his length, her inquisitive hand was rubbing a thumb across the head of his penis to learn what it was he enjoyed and he moaned as she was a quick study.

Joss smiled as he was giving her a chance to acquaint herself with his body, to get a chance to explore. She had a feeling John wouldn't let her take him into her mouth just yet and she didn't want to ruin their first time by making him come too early. She did want to be joined in the most intimate way. She wanted to feel him inside her, filling her deeply, feel him come inside her. Joss tickled his balls and he made a ragged sound as he grabbed her wrist to stop her playful teasing.

"Enough, Joss we can't continue this."

"Uh, yea we can," she countered.

"No we can't, I don't have a condom. I didn't plan on having sex." he admitted quietly.

She paused as she stopped analyzing where to attack him and looked him in the eyes. She wasn't sure if he was blushing or if he was still just flushed from desire. Joss seriously hoped it was a mixture of both. "Oh," she said smiling faintly that it wasn't because he thought that she'd regret this, but because he didn't have a condom. God, John was just too cute for words.

He had a sheepish look on his face before it faded. "Lay down, tonight will be just for you." he suggested.

She frowned as much as he was amazing at oral sex she wanted him inside her more. "No it won't be because it's okay and not a big deal."

"No it's not, Joss, I haven't had sex in a long while so I don't think I can pull out in time and you deserve more class than that." he ground out through gritted teeth.

She smiled. "Well as sweet of you to think that and not want to get me messy, I meant it's okay because I'm on the pill," she admitted. "And I trust you to be clean." If she didn't she wouldn't be in the bed with him right now.

"You're on birth control?"

She shrugged. "Before Paul and I tried for Taylor I was on the pill for a long while and my body had gotten accustom to it and when I was off birth control my whole body was out of whack. Once it became clear that Taylor was it I immediately went back on to help my body regulate. Been on it ever since even with being celibate." she said softly as she palmed his glorious erection again, loving the soft moans he made. John's cock was powerful with bulging veins and pulsating in her hand. She had a feeling she was in store for an amazing night.

Joss thought she heard John moan 'thank god' before he sat up and immediately kissed her, pushing her onto her back and rubbed a finger against her slit teasingly before sliding a finger into her.

He sighed as he made sure she was ready for him. Joss was extremely wet and entering her would be easy and wouldn't hurt her. He broke the kiss to sit back.

Joss stared at him before her eyes slid to his angry erection rubbing his thick tip at her opening. She closed her eyes as she whimpered and grabbed for the sheets beneath her as he slid just his tip of his cock inside her for a brief moment before sliding away. He rubbed his dick against her clit and she groaned at the touch, it was so sinful but she needed him inside her more than anything. John pushed back inside just his glorious tip back about an inch further than the first time before the giant jerk slid free and left her feeling vaguely homicidal if he didn't get inside her soon.

"John," she growled as her hips twisted in need. His hard cock toyed with her core leaving her gasping and his hands filled themselves with her aching breasts and his fingers twisted, plucked, and rolled her nipples. "I want you. I need you! NOW!"

John stared down at her and finally the last little control he held onto was gone and he grabbed her hips, fingers biting into her skin, levered her up and thrust into her on one long thrust. Their moans mixed together as he filled her. She felt herself being stretched to accommodate his size and length and she remained still as she waited for the small twinge of discomfort to fade.

He seemed to be overwhelmed as well, judging by the labored breathing and for the fact that he wasn't moving. He leaned over her. "Oh god, Joss, so tight," he gasped out with raspy breath flowing in her ear. It was like another caress. "You are so soft. Perfect, so damn perfect," he moaned. "I need a minute." He was drawing in ragged breaths.

She smiled as she grabbed his tense shoulders before her hands slid down his back curving with his spine, dipping near his ass. "You feel amazing inside me." she murmured in his ear while lifting her hips when the discomfort faded. John took the cue and began slowly moving inside her.

It was silent in his apartment aside from their breathing, the soft rustling of his comforter, and the moans the bed was making from their weight. Joss couldn't seem to look away from his eyes, feeling like making a sound would break the hypnotic spell they fell into, their bodies fit together seamlessly. His movement was slow, sure, and steady. His long cock withdrew from her slowly only to thrust back in just as slowly but deeper. Stretching her further, filling her more, until she was sure he was touching her heart on each thrust. John clearly was not in a hurry as she figured a man who had been celibate for a while would have been. Soon she was unable to remain quiet because she was gasping at the building tension in the pit of her belly and it spread down to her sex. His eyes were staring into hers, he didn't make much sound except for labored breaths, with trembling hands cupping her face.

She grabbed at his hips and dug her heels into the mattress pushing up to meet him thrust for thrust. A familiar surge of pleasure began making its presence known and she was helpless to stop it as he moved a bit faster until his tempo had her moaning loudly. The audible sound of their flesh meeting greeted their ears as he sped up. "Joss, let it go and give me it," he whispered unevenly in her ear as his hips moved faster still. Joss moaned as she felt his hand between her legs touching her.

Joss came with a moan of his name and clenched all around his cock, feeling spasms rippling through her as she trembled in his arms. And it seemed to spur him on as his cock started to pound mercilessly into her.

"Come again, Joss." he demanded as he sped up his hips, bucking against her. His cock hitting her deep again and again, relentlessly, and the dizzying swirling sensations were buzzing inside her mixing the effects of her orgasm with newfound tension coiling deep inside her. She was struggling to breathe from her first orgasm as he drove her towards a second one that had her seeing stars already.

John's hands were holding her steady for his thrusting, held her hips tightly as he fucked her so hard she thought he was going to go through her. He shifted and forced her hips up higher changing the angle of his hard thrusts and she flung her head back shouting as she climaxed violently in his arms. She shuddered uncontrollably as his name was torn from her throat over and over again as she felt him lose it himself. She heard his guttural call of her name as he came deep inside her, holding her locked to him, and they both dropped to the bed limply afterwards.

John breathed raggedly as he laid on Joss still joined. "You okay?" he whispered in her ear as she still shook and her sex was still vibrating around him.

Joss giggled unable to help herself. "Okay?—I just got my brains fucked out, I think I'm a bit better than okay," she teased as she panted and laughed. He chuckled as he planted a chaste kiss to her sweaty cheek before he withdrew from her and tugged her into his side as they struggled to draw in enough breath. "And I thought you said you needed to pace yourself so this time could last?!" she muttered.

"I know I'm sorry," he agreed.

"Sorry?—what, so this was you being rusty or something?" that made her mind whirl.

"Yea, I definitely need to get my stamina back Joss. But I promise next time it will be longer," he promised, rubbing a hand across her upper arm.

Joss leaned over him to look at his clock and then looked him in the eyes. "Oh god, I think I'm dead."

He eyed her seriously. "What do you mean?"

"If you think what just happened is being rusty I can only imagine what sex is going to be like with you when you're not 'rusty' and I'm going to die. I'm going to die from you giving me too many orgasms. Which is not a bad way to go."

He laughed as he shook his head. "You are something, Joss Carter," he whispered as he looked up to the ceiling.

She reached up forcing his gaze onto her. "What does that mean?"

"You make me laugh, in bed just after sex, I never had that."

She curled more firmly into him as finally her breathing evened out and she rested her hand on her cheek. "What did you have then?" and when he didn't answer she sighed. "Come on, I told you about Paul. Give me something."

He was quiet for a few moments before he finally spoke up. "I didn't have anything like you," he said softly. "Jessica and I never really talked after sex. We just laid together."

"And the others?"

"I didn't stick around long enough," he muttered. "Half the other women were mistakes. We'd have decent dates, have sex, but they just…" he trailed off when no word came to mind to describe how he felt during those late nights when he felt nothing but empty while the women slept soundly.

"Were boring," Joss supplied.

He looked at her with surprise. "Yea, I always felt bad because I could tell some of them liked me but I could never seem to feel what they felt for me. So I always left so they wouldn't be disappointed that I didn't. Better off letting them think I was a prick and be angry than hurt their feelings that I didn't share their affections."

Joss nodded laying her cheek on his chest listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. So John probably dated Jessica for a little bit, slept with her and found out he didn't want to slide out during the middle of the night to not hurt her feelings. Interesting that he had the walls up back before he even met Jessica, never giving anyone a chance to hurt him, and she recalled his statement of the fact that everyone had left him. She wondered if his need to shut everyone out was due to old issues with abandonment. No one could leave him if he didn't let anyone in in the first place. And surely that feeling got worse after Jessica was murdered.

"John…"

"Hmmm," he looked her in the eyes.

"Just so you know, I'm not going anywhere."

He smiled. "I hope not, we still have that second time still to go."

She smiled slyly, happy to keep things light. "And maybe a third," she quipped.

He leaned up and kissed her. "Mmm, or a fourth," he said and his breath caught as she grabbed a hold of him, feeling him stir to life.

She leaned over him. "Second time, I'm on top," she stated as she settled herself on top of him and kissed him silent.

* * *

AN: Hope this was worth the wait. And in the next chapter there is a baby smut scene at the beginning before they have a lengthy talk, and a new number comes up. This is where things really get more and more AU-ish as the timeline gets all fudged up as some numbers get worked before they were worked on the show and others get worked later along with other little goodies. Hope you guys don't mind.

Thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

_**AN: Tiny smut scene at the very beginning just an fyi ;D**_

 _ **P.S. I added a paragraph after I received this back from my friend, so be careful for the paragraph that could be riddled with mistakes. I tried to make sure it was clean but you never know.**_

* * *

Joss cried out as her head thrashed on his pillow, his thrusts were deep, hard, and his hands on her hips held her steady for the plowing. Her legs were spread wide, his fingers rubbing her clitoris in time with his steady pounding.

John smiled down at her before pausing to grab her ankles, pressing them to his shoulders before leaning over, her pressing her legs into her chest, body into the mattress, and proceeded to forcefully fuck her.

"JOHN," she gasped as her hands barely could reach his ass and he found a crazy tempo, her head bouncing, her breasts jiggling and the harsh sound of skin slapping skin was audible. He was barely being able to suck in enough breath as he could feel his orgasm just out of reach and pounded harder into Joss's lovely pussy to reach it. He felt her clutch onto him, rippling spasms from her orgasm washing across his hot cock as he reached for that orgasm. He pushed harder, listening to the screaming whimpering beauty of Joss as she came under him while he shoved deep, finding paradise and moaning her name as he finally came.

John slowly lowered her legs, feeling them tremble under his fingers, keeping them joined before he collapsed on her as he struggled to breathe. She wrapped both her arms and legs around him. Her body shuddered under his as she drew in ragged pants as much as he did.

"I don't want tonight to end, but if it doesn't, I think I'll be dead by morning," she admitted as spasms continued to ripple through her as her high from her orgasm slowly ebbed away. She had lost count on the amount of times she came tonight, either it was embarrassing for her or a big damn coo for him to brag about. Not that John looked like a bragger or gave off a hint that he was egotistical about how many times he could get a woman off. She guessed John was right about being slow that first time because since then John's up just never seemed to end, until she was nothing but a shuddering and moaning mess from her orgasms (definitely plural), then and only then he would come himself.

He rolled over tugging her with him and tucking her to his side. She happily laid an arm on his chest as she curled into him. She missed this intimacy with a man, just lying together after sex, warm and sweaty from their extracurricular activities.

"Go to sleep, Joss," he murmured as he tugged his comforter on top of them.

"Why bother? You'll just wake me up in like a half hour and fuck me senseless again," she murmured raggedly.

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

She grinned against his chest. "Trust me, it's not," she assured him, snuggling closer. John stroked his fingers across her bare back, deep in thought as their breathing slowly regulated. "Hey," she said loudly and he blinked before looking down, seeing her staring up at him. "None of that, because I think if you say you regret what happened tonight, I'll shoot you myself."

He smiled. "Joss…" he started and she pressed her lips against his, silencing him. She allowed their tongues to play gently before sitting back.

She nuzzled her cheek against his stubble roughened one, liking the soft stinging burn it caused. Joss pressed a warm kiss to his chest before leaning her chin on her forearm to peer up at him. "How about we just be, John?" she suggested quietly.

He drew his fingers up and down the length of her spine, enjoying the silky smoothness to her skin. "What does 'just be' entail, Joss?"

"It means we do as we please, we just are who we are without having the questions of: what are we doing, where this is going, and if this is going to last plague us. We are both adults. I don't know about you but I want to just be with you and not have to think of answers to all those pesky questions," she explained. "Plus the sex is phenomenal!" she added with a cheeky grin.

"But eventually we'll come to a crossroad where we'll have to answer those pesky questions, Joss, and you already know what my answers will be," he whispered. "Are you really sure you want to go ahead with 'just be'?"

Joss stared into his eyes. She mentally ran through the questions again, already knowing what he'd say right at this moment: they were just friends having sex, it couldn't go anywhere, and it wouldn't last. But that was now, now with John still learning how to be happy and believing he would never be able to achieve that coveted emotion. She was sure it would change just as he was slowly evolving, she just had to help him figure it out, and she did promise John she would teach him to learn how to be happy. Joss felt a shiver of anticipation. She hadn't figured she would get to teach him with the hands on approach. And she most assuredly wanted to get her hands on him again and again.

"I'm sure," she said smiling as she sat up to kiss him before sliding a hand under his comforter to wrap her hand around his soft and limp cock, which was going to change. He sucked in a breath as he kissed her more firmly before rolling her over onto her back.

He pulled his mouth free and removed her hand from him, whispering something that wasn't in English. "What?" she demanded but John ignored her as he sprinkled kisses across her face, neck, chest as he slowly made a downward path and she lost her grip on his cock that she felt was twitching to life all over again. She moaned as soon it didn't matter what he said as his mouth settled between her legs.

* * *

Joss yawned heavily. They laid curled together, basking in the afterglow of yet another round of lovemaking that could only be described as out of this world amazing. The entire night was amazing that was unfortunately coming to a close. There was only about an hour left before it was time to get a shower in and get ready for work.

Last night, after the third time they had sex, they both were famished and had raided his fridge finding leftover pizza and beer there. They had sat in his bed, naked besides his comforter on them, eating cold pizza, drinking beer, and talking. She didn't sleep more than probably twenty minutes here and there but she still felt relaxed. Although her sex was sore, very tender to the touch as she found out when she used his bathroom, but it didn't matter because she wanted a repeat. And a repeat and then again another repeat after that, and thankfully it seemed her words of 'just be' penetrated his skull because he was planning on coming by her place in the evening since learning her son was over at his grandma's for the weekend.

"Her name was Allison," John whispered as he ran a hand through her hair, eyes on the ceiling above them. Joss leaned back to stare at him in confusion.

"Who was named Allison, John?"

"My other girlfriend, the one you wanted to know about: her name was Allison," he said slowly as his eyes slid to hers. And she froze because he was truly telling her something about his past and she grew quiet. "Allie was the only other girl I ever truly cared about and we were together when we were just teens. Allison and I wasn't true love, but she was my puppy love. In fact she was my only friend I had in my senior year of high-school."

"Why didn't you have any friends?"

He shrugged. "My mother changed schools trying to give me a new start. Kids already had friends and cliques while I was just the weird new kid."

"Why did your mother feel like you needed a new start?" she asked, lightly stroking his skin.

"I got suspended a lot for beating up the bullies in my old school. There were a lot of kids who couldn't stand up for themselves so I did it for them."

"Oh, John," he truly did have a marshmallow for a heart.

"My mother was tired of kids being scared of me so she got me into a new school, thinking I could make some friends there. I'm not exactly the friend making type, Joss, but my mother didn't get that, and even if I was, it didn't matter at that school."

"Why not?" John was a wonderful man, a little hard to get to know because he was so wary but underneath the heaping layers of armor, he was a good man, and anyone should have wanted to get to know him.

He exhaled as he recalled his teenage years. It was odd to be talking about this. "The other guys in school didn't like me because the girls giggled every time I walked by. And none of the girls would talk to me because I was quiet and wouldn't come up to them first."

Joss smiled. "So you were shy," she supplied. He was still shy.

He shook his head. "No, not shy. I was quiet and didn't know anyone so I didn't go up to anyone," he explained as if there was a difference. But she let it go because she wanted to hear more. "But none of that mattered to Allie, she just marched up to me, introduced herself and proceeded to talk my head off like we were long lost friends."

Joss smiled. "I like her already."

"You would, she was about as ballsy as you are," he muttered.

Joss's smile fell into a wide and disarming grin. "I take that as a compliment," she said before pressing a warm kiss to his chest where his strong heart beat. She looked back up and ran a hand through his hair as his fingers dipped down to draw unexplainable shapes on her bare back.

"Allison worked for the school newspaper and was an aspiring investigative journalist. Maybe her inquisitive mind was the reason she just kept coming up to me while everyone else just ignored me," he admitted with a wry smile.

"When did you two start dating?"

"Pretty early on, she asked me to be her date to the Homecoming dance and I knew if my mom found out a girl asked me to a dance and I told her no, she'd tan my hide no matter if I was seventeen or not," he continued with a soft reflective smile lighting up his face. "At the dance we shared our first kiss and we were together afterwards."

Joss had a lovely picture of John's mother. "I wish I could have met your mother." Joss sure wished she could get him to open up about his mother or his father, both his parents he was mum about. Maybe sometime when they were alone and not in bed, she could bring up a childhood memory and get one from him in return.

He smiled softly. "She would have loved you."

"I'm sure the feeling would be mutual. So what happened to break up the puppy love?" Joss wondered and wished she hadn't because shadows crossed his face immediately.

"We were together for all of our senior year together. It was several weeks after our graduation when she tried to convince me to go to one of these college parties with her. I wasn't one for big social scenes so I didn't want to go and she did, we got into a fight and she left without me. I knew how college parties were so I knew drugs and alcohol were going to be there, so I got worried about her and went to go make sure she was alright. When I got there I found her in the basement in some dingy room with some college guy on top of her raping her."

"Oh my god!"

"I beat the hell out of him. I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop hitting him because Allison laid on the bed with her clothes ripped, just sobbing, bloody, and she looked at me with humiliation in her eyes. Allie was always confident and happy, but she just looked defeated and no woman should feel like that. Cops were called and I was arrested and charged with first degree assault because I nearly killed him, Joss. I was so close to it because no man should lay their hand on a woman. My mother, who was ill and frail at the time bailed me out; one of her last memories was to see me plead guilty to a lesser charge and get sentenced and forced to choose between jail and boot-camp." he said quietly looking away.

"Oh John, your mother loved you and she knew what you did was to protect a girl, maybe you should have stopped from nearly killing the guy and not lost your cool but you are only human," she said touching his cheek warmly. "What happened to the guy?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" John wondered.

Joss frowned. "The boy that raped Allison, the one you beat up? He went to prison for rape right?"

John shook his head as he winced. "Not exactly. You see, Joss, money talks and the guy that raped Allie, his parents had it. Prosecutor dropped the charges after the police 'misplaced' Allison's rape kit so he got away with it."

"That's unfair, you had to stand in front of a judge for protecting her and he got away with a heinous crime because of money," Joss snapped. God, the judicial system sometimes was broken and it saddened her. "That must be why the judge showed leniency to you."

He nodded. "It was a small town, the judge knew that the prosecutor and police got bought off so he helped me."

"So what happened to Allison?"

"Her parents showed up to my sentencing for support, telling me she was traumatized by what happened and because I got arrested for her. After my required boot camp was through I knew I was going to enlist in the army, so I went back one last time to try to see her, tell her goodbye, but they told me Allison left and they had no idea where she went. I doubt that they didn't know, but she was their daughter and they wanted to protect her, so I gave up and enlisted in the army. I never saw her after that night when I got that guy off her."

Joss frowned. That had to be a hard way to end things. "I'm sorry you never got any closure."

He shrugged. "It's fine, Joss, it was a long time ago. Like I said she was my first love, it wasn't even real love. We had fun, we lost our virginity together, and it most likely would have ended when she went to college anyway. We were going in different ways and drifting apart even before what happened to her. My only wish is that Allie is happy now, she had been a happy young girl and I would hate for any man to ruin it for her."

She digested the information he told her. Now she had a clearer picture on what happened to him when he was younger. He had been trying to protect his girlfriend at the time from being raped and was arrested for it. Just as she suspected, John was a good man and had been since he was just a boy.

"Thank you…"

John looked at her. "For what?—for bringing up one of my only two exes I had after sex?" he said dryly.

She shook her head, not playing the joke. "For opening up a little about your past, I know you don't like talking about it but I appreciate it." Now she just had to get him to talk about Jessica, the real ghost he harbored. John didn't seem to hold any guilt or pain over what happened with this Allison girl, having moved past it. It seemed to her that John looked upon that time in his life as what got him what he loved: the army. And she was glad that at least that one moment in his life that had been a bad experience, he could reflect on and not place unnecessary blame on himself.

He eyed her. "Go to sleep now, get a little rest," he said and kissed her warmly.

Joss yawned. "What, you don't want to hear about my puppy love?" she teased. "I got to say my end to my adolescent love isn't nearly as sad but it is filled with teenage angst and betrayal," she said with a wiggle of her brows.

He smiled. "I do, I'm intrigued, this teenage angst and betrayal has me on the edge of my seat already," he teased right back and she laughed before she yawned heavily. "But you're tired, you need some sleep."

"Well whose fault is that?" she asked sweetly.

"Are you complaining?" he asked instead of answering her.

She chuckled as she kissed him hard before laying her head on his chest. "Nope, just give me a few minutes to rest my eyes before you go at me for round whatever number we are at. I only have an hour before I need to get going for work." she murmured as she closed her eyes. Sleep dragged her away from consciousness and she let it.

* * *

John and Joss split up as Joss went to go get coffees while he entered the encampment.

After the night they had, he needed a lot of coffee but the reason for being sleep deprived this morning was much better than the usual reasons. He had sidetracked Joss from heading to work on time to instead go have coffee together and visit Joan. John was using seeing Joan as a way to get back on Joss's good side. She was severely disgruntled with him about ruining her clothes last night, she had taken a few minutes this morning bending and finding buttons on his floor. She had piled them on his desk and flung the vest and blouse on top of it with a stern look. John would just buy her new ones. But she had to borrow one of his dress shirts as she had no time to head home for a change of clothes. It had aroused him seeing her in his lavender dress shirt that dwarfed her that she raided his dresser to specifically find. Why that particular shirt was the one she wanted he wasn't sure, but she looked better in it than he did he thought.

"Joan," John greeted warmly as he approached her.

Joan looked towards him and narrowed her eyes immediately. "What's different?" she demanded, eyeing him carefully. "Is it a new hairdo, new wardrobe, what?"

He blinked and then furrowed his brows as he sat down beside her. "I don't know what you mean," he openly admitted. Sometimes he couldn't keep up with Joan's thoughts.

"Something is different about you today John. What is it?" she specified and he froze. No way could she tell he had sex with Joss. There was just no way. "Well, don't keep an old lady waiting," she said impatiently.

"Joan you're in your late fifties, you're not old."

"You never mention a woman's age! Now you owe me an answer to my question. What's different?" she raked her keen green eyes over him.

"N-nothing," he stuttered.

"John I've known you in your worst of times so I can say with absolute certainty that something is different about you in a good way. So what is it?"

"…er…well…" he stammered.

Joan frowned. She hadn't seen him this nervous since he wanted to take her to the graveyard. She shifted her gaze off of him and caught sight of Joss heading on over carrying a tray of coffees. She hid her laughter as it became abundantly clear as to what was different about John, now that she got an eyeful of his cop lady. John was much lighter, happier this morning but yawning heavily while Joss seemed to be glowing, it seemed good sex agreed with them both. She waited until Joss sat down with them.

"Good morning, Joan," Joss greeted, handing her a coffee, then one to John, and kept one for herself.

Joan smiled. "Not as good as yours I'm assuming," Joan said, making him choke on his coffee. "Oh please, I was having sex when you two were just toddlers." Joan waved off their mortification, she didn't care. She was just happy John was clawing his way back to the land of the living and with such a good woman too. Joss, his cop lady, was good for him.

Joss sighed. "How the hell did you know?!" she demanded. John and she had agreed to not tell anyone anything including Harold.

"John is relaxed, more so than I've ever seen him, which is the product of good orgasmic sex and you, cop lady, you're wearing a man's dress shirt that is about two sizes too big underneath your blazer, suggesting you were at John's place and had no time to head home to change before going to work. And you have red marks on your cheeks which is stubble burn, plus the cherry on top: you have a hickey on your neck," Joan said with a sip of her coffee, rendering them speechless.

Joss glared at John, smacking him in the arm. "You gave me a hickey!" she hissed in embarrassment before looking between John and Joan. "Where?"

John frowned, he wouldn't have left a hickey, knowing that they wanted to keep things between them and then winced. Joan said it to get confirmation and they fell for it hook, line, and sinker. "I didn't leave a hickey, Joss," he said quietly and Joss stiffened before glaring at Joan.

"You! You! That wasn't very nice, Joan!" Joss huffed in annoyance for falling for it.

"Not my problem. You fell for the oldest trick in the book! But in all honesty, kiddo, it was easy to tell with the way you are looking at one another. Why didn't you want to tell me?—I've only been cheerleading you two on since John waited around for you to come show your pretty face."

John shrugged. "Joss and I aren't dating, we're friends, and agreed to keep things between us to ourselves," he said between sips of his coffee. "And now you," he mumbled.

"Don't take this the wrong way, John, because you're like the son I never had. So when I say this I mean it with love," Joan said sincerely as she looked John deep in those amazing eyes he had.

"What, Joan?"

"Beat it, I want to talk to Joss alone," Joan said, immediately pushing on his shoulder.

"What?"

"Go see Richie Rich or something," Joan said with a motion of the hand. "Go on, get out of here and go raise some hell or whatever it is you typically do, John."

Joss snickered at John's look. He was utterly puzzled as he slowly got to his feet. He frowned when Joan shooed him away again and she let out another laugh as John walked away but looked back then shook his head and left.

Joss turned her gaze onto Joan. "Well that wasn't subtle in the least, Joan, you usually have more finesse," she teased.

Joan didn't take the bait. "What's the real deal, cop lady, and not this phooey you are both trying to cram down my throat?"

She exhaled. "John and I agreed to take things slowly, we aren't putting on any labels and we are going to continue as we were by being friends," Joss tried to explain John's plan.

Her plan for their future differed from John's like night and day but John didn't need to know just yet that she wanted all of him: heart, mind, body, and soul. Joss smiled inwardly. She wanted all of him and if she was just patient with John, there was a good chance she could heal him enough to get it. John needed to be shown he could be happy again. He didn't trust in it. And she understood, been there done that. When your happiness was ripped from you time after time, you become disillusioned and skeptical. But she was going to show him he could feel happy again, can love and be loved in return. And being with John as he asked for, as just friends who were sleeping together, would give her the opportunity to do just as she wanted. Prod and push him forward so he could realize the truth that was between them instead of burying his emotions.

Joan smirked. "With the added bonus of sex I hope?" she asked drawing Joss out of her thoughts.

"Yes," Joss agreed. "And we are keeping things between us quiet because John wants it that way. And I just want him, so I agreed."

"Uh-huh, yea, that isn't going to work," Joan replied before taking a sip of her coffee.

Joss frowned. "Why not?"

"You want more than that."

"What do you suggest I do, Joan? John isn't ready," she demanded. "I'm doing this his way to be with John and the moment I notice he's become content with our relationship, we will talk about labeling what we are truly doing but I won't do it a moment sooner."

Joan eyed Joss as she thought about her words and a smile filled her face as realization dawned. This girl was whip smart as she understood her situation and devised a plan that actually worked in both her and John's favor. Her poor John, he stood no shot.

"You're devious, cop lady, I like it."

Joss feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Joan. John and I agreed to not place labels, he feels like all he can give is a physical relationship. So we're just two really good friends who care a lot about each other who is going to share their private time together, dine together, go out together, and have sex," Joss said, lifting her coffee up to her lips but paused. "A lot of sex," she added before taking a sip of coffee and Joan chuckled gleefully.

"Sounds like it's already been labeled with our poor aloof John not even realizing he's already in a relationship," Joan said and watched as the younger woman attempted to not smile but failed.

"Hopefully by the time he realizes that what we are doing in essence is dating, he'll have healed enough to realize he is capable of giving me more than just a physical relationship and not push me away," Joss said before looking at her. "Do you think this could work?"

"I think the plan is pure genius, Joss," Joan admitted. Joss grinned and she held out her cup of coffee for a toast and Joan smirked as she tapped her waiting cup with hers.

* * *

"Good morning, Mr. Reese."

"It is a good morning, Harold," John agreed as he walked down the corridor towards his friend and Bear, who's tail was thumping madly as he got up to hurry over to him to be petted which John dutifully did.

Finch paused as he rounded the table with his computers on it, while Bear ran back to the dog bed to gnaw on a giant bone. "You're in a good mood John, dare I ask why?" his employer and friend wondered as he handed Harold his tea.

He floundered. "Er…just…uh…got a good night's sleep," he said and winced as Finch narrowed his eyes and John looked to the broken pane. "Who are the new numbers?" he asked quickly, nodding to two photos tape to the pane to divert attention away from him.

"The man is Michael Cole and the woman is Sameen Shaw, Mr. Reese. They are Intelligence Support Activity agents."

John turned to look at Harold. "ISA…"

"More specifically they work in a secret division called: Catalyst Indigo. They are responsible for acting on the relevant numbers, John; they work at behest of the machine. From what I can understand from hacking the ISA's database, the machine is known merely as Research to Agent Shaw and Cole."

John quirked an eyebrow up. "You hacked a government database again, Finch?"

Harold shrugged after taking a slow sip of his hot tea. "Don't worry, Mr. Reese, I did it with anonymity using the very busy Times Square to my advantage."

John shook his head. "Get me their location," he said turning and carrying his coffee with him as he headed down the corridor, whistling.

* * *

AN: Joss sure put John in a good mood and our girl is a smooth operator ;D But in seriousness I doubt the reason why John was forced in front of the judge is anything like what I have written although I do believe the reason behind my AU-ish version is very much John like. He would kick someone's ass for hurting anyone but especially for women and children and I wrote it this way as to explain why John went above and beyond a typical ass kicking that resulted in being arrested.

And in the next chapter John and Joss both work Shaw's number together and there is a hiccup for Careese or more specifically a hiccup for John. Their road to happiness is going to be a bumpy ride.

Thanks for reading.


	30. Chapter 30

_**AN: Figured since I posted for Supergirl I'd give this an update too :)**_

* * *

This wasn't the first time she had been invited in the library. John had invited her in while they were looking for Harold when he was kidnapped by Root. She had been a little surprised that their base of operations was in a library but after John explained how they received the numbers and that the library was literally in limbo it made all the sense in the world. Harold Finch was a clever little man. But this time, as she entered the library after opening the padlock with the key she was given and walking down the long corridor to reach the hub of their HQ, she found John minus his suit blazer grimacing in pain, undoing his shirt and a large crimson stain on his upper sleeve.

"What the hell happened?" she commanded as she rushed over to fuss with him.

"I'm fine, just a graze," John muttered as he slid the dress shirt off, flinging it onto a bulletproof vest, before tugging the undershirt out from his pants.

She hated that response because his blood claimed otherwise. Joss shoved his hands away to help tug the shirt over his head herself, muttering about men being pigheaded idiots under her breath, knowing full well he could hear her, and gasped as she saw large forming bruises on his chest that were larger than her fist.

She looked him in the eyes. "John, I know those are bruises that you would get if a bullet hits a bulletproof vest. I know as I had them before. Someone shot you in the chest." she said with her heart in her throat. "Who did it? I'll get an arrest warrant for them now." After she kicked their ass first.

Harold appeared with a new crisp white dress shirt and the First Aid Kit for John, setting them on top of the computer table. "Our new number isn't trusting Jocelyn. But Agent Shaw has no reason to believe us after what had just happened to her."

Joss didn't care what this Agent Shaw believed, she shot John in the chest and if he wasn't wearing a vest he'd be dead. Thank god he took that precaution which suggested he had figured this agent to be dangerous. She looked at the wound on his arm and felt her heart settle back in her chest when it was clear John was correct that it was just a graze. She felt Bear hit her hand and she looked down to the dog and petted him.

"Your master is a human magnet, Bear," she muttered before seeing John grabbing the First Aid kit which she snatched out of his hand, earning herself a glare. "I'm doing it, John. Sit your ass down," she said sharply daring him to refuse.

"It's just a scratch," he said dismissively.

"Just a scratch?—are you insane?! Kittens give you scratches, John! You were shot," she lamented irritably.

"I can take care of it myself,"he replied defiantly.

"I don't give a damn if you can do your own lobotomy, sit your ass down so I can take care of your wound or I'll make you," she answered equally stubborn.

"I'd like to see you try to make me, Carter."

"Don't tempt me," she snarled, her body taking this conversation in a whole different way than her brain was.

Harold felt uncomfortably in the middle as both the detective and John were glaring at each other, neither one willing to pull out the white flag while blood ran down John's arm. Both Mr. Reese and Jocelyn were headstrong but he had a feeling Mr. Reese was unused to someone there that wanted to do things he had gotten used to doing alone.

Finch fidgeted with his glasses pressing them up higher on his nose, unable to take the tension in the room anymore as his eyes tracked the blood nearly reaching John's hand. "Perhaps Mr. Reese, you might allow Jocelyn to cleanse your wound as she has come here to help," Finch said faintly, wishing that a hole in the floor would open up so he could vanish as John eyed him with betrayal and Jocelyn had a look that could only be described as smug.

Joss grinned. "Thanks for siding with me Finch."

"I'm not siding with anyone," he clarified. "I just don't want John bleeding any longer than necessary and it seems you two were at an impasse." Finch said and winced at the explanation as it just contradicted his previous statement. And judging by Mr. Reese's look he was not happy to have drawn up the short straw.

Joss looked back at John and motioned at the chair. "Democracy hard at work John, it's two against one, that means you're outvoted: sit your ass down," she ordered. John grumbled something under his breath as he sat down at the desk chair that she envisioned Harold was typically at. She immediately started to cleanse the wound, first noting that John flinched a bit but otherwise showed no outwards emotion of pain. Her eyes lifted and she shook her head. She nodded to the pane. "Who are the numbers?" maybe if she knew what happened then she would know how to feel about this Agent Shaw character. Joss grabbed an antibacterial hand-wipe and started to wipe away the fresh blood along with the dried and caked on blood from John's arm.

"Number, singular now, we lost one tonight." Harold murmured. "Michael Cole is dead, shot in the back by his own agency." Joss kept her eyes on what she was doing but even only listening to Harold she could tell he felt guilty. John and Harold sure had that in common, any little thing that goes wrong they placed it on their shoulders as the reason for it happening.

"It's not your fault Finch, we didn't figure out that they were being set up until too late," John spoke up.

Joss carefully looked up seeing Harold shake his head. "But it is my fault, John, but not because we hadn't figured out that it was all an elaborate set up to make Sameen Shaw and Michael Cole look like traitors to their country. But because the reason they were even placed in that position. They were killed because Agent Cole asked too many questions about where they received their numbers from. He asked too many questions about the machine which led him to being killed, led to Agent Shaw having to go rogue."

Joss secured a large bandage on John's arm before taping it with surgical tape and, when happy all the blood was off John and he was well bandaged, she straightened. Joss immediately gathered up the paper to throw away and replacing the medical supplies in the alarmingly low First Aid Kit.

"See, John, that wasn't so bad. I could have had you patched up in no time if you just stopped being stubborn," she complained.

"And I could have done what you did myself," John grumbled but was ignored.

Joss turned completely to look at Finch pointedly. "And you, stop feeling guilty, not everything is your fault, Harold. Yes, you built the machine, but you can't take blame for everything that the government does to protect their secret machine."

When Harold said nothing, John spoke up. "Let's focus on saving Shaw," he said as he got to his feet and grabbed the dress shirt. "Her handler was tasked with taking her out, glad to see that the government is still unoriginal. And judging by Shaw's: 'shoot first ask questions later' mentality in all possibilities she'll be both the victim and perpetrator."

Harold nodded. "Sameen Shaw finished her residency before joining the Marines and self-diagnosed herself with Axis II Personality Disorder, which she listed."

Great they had a sociopath in the making thanks to the government burning her. "Yea, she might want to go after the ones that did this to her," Joss agreed.

"I can understand the need for revenge," John murmured as he buttoned the dress shirt slowly. "She was betrayed and her partner was killed. She is most definitely out for blood. Shaw's good too, she spotted me earlier, forcing me to keep a further distance so she'll know how to lay low."

Joss blinked in surprise before eyeing John with a smirk. "She spotted you?"

"She got lucky,' he muttered.

She giggled. "Shaw spotted the elusive man-in-the-suit hiding in the shadows; that takes more than luck unless of course you're slipping," she teased.

John stood right beside her, dipping his head down with eyes on Harold. "Keep up the teasing and you're going to be in for a rather rough night, detective," he purred for her ears only.

Joss felt a shiver of excitement at his threat. "Maybe you're the one that will be in for a rough night," she whispered as she turned to keep their conversation between them. She frowned when she noticed a shadow cross John's face but it wasn't the look she wanted. "John?"

John straightened, the look was gone, and he moved towards Harold. "Let's go find Shaw," he said and Joss turned to eye his back questioningly. His reaction to what was supposed to be an equally flirtatious comment to his didn't quite have the affect she was going for. His reaction was unusual to say the least and she couldn't explain it. But she was damn well going to find out why the hell he reacted like that when they were through working Shaw's number. 

* * *

John and Joss worked the Shaw number together, both wearing vests just in case, and they entered the hotel room Shaw had called a meeting at, sliding in from the adjoining room next to it. "Keep to the wall, Joss," he whispered, guns drawn, hearing gunshots even with silencers on.

He found a man waiting near the door and aiming his weapon at presumably Shaw and John fired first. The men fell slowly to the ground and he held his gun up, showing no harm and Joss grabbed his forearm as he made a move to go out into the open.

"John, wait, what makes you think she won't shoot you in the head this time? The bulletproof vest isn't going to protect you," Joss whispered, but he heeded no attention as he kept his hands held up and came into view, seeing Shaw seated on a rolling chair, one hand zip-tied to an arm rest with a syringe protruding out of her back.

"Can you not shoot me this time?" John requested seeing Shaw had yet to lower her weapon.

"Give me a good reason not to," she demanded.

John shrugged. "I'm a nice person for starters."

Joss rolled her eyes; this was his idea of not getting a woman who clearly didn't trust anyone to not shoot him?—by telling her he was nice. Good grief. She'd save John's ass herself. "I prefer you didn't, I actually like having him around." Joss said loudly and John looked at her immediately and glared that she spoke up.

Shaw flinched. "Show yourself or I shoot him right now!" she demanded, finger hovering over the trigger.

Joss sighed as she holstered her weapon, sliding from the wall, badge ready, palms showing, and appeared in Shaw's line of vision. "I'm Detective Joss Carter, and what John is failing to tell you is that we are here to help you, not hurt you. Sorry, Shaw, he's not really good with words."

Shaw eyed the pretty black woman and then the handsome guy in a suit that the woman called John. "I saw you, you were following me yesterday," Shaw murmured still not lowering the weapon.

Joss grinned. "And trust me I haven't let him live it down. John likes to think he's invisible. You're well trained, maybe more so than John, who is former Army and CIA," she said, trying to gain the young woman's trust by stroking the ego. Used to work on most soldiers she knew back in the day, Shaw was former Marine so it might work on her too.

Shaw liked the black woman. Her sharp brown eyes scrutinized the tall guy, trying to see if he was a threat or not. "Former army and CIA—you were into Black Ops shit weren't you, you were the one that shot Wilson's men in the kneecaps?" Shaw said flatly.

John shrugged. "It's my way of expressing I'm there to help. I'm shocked you didn't get it," he said and Joss rolled her eyes.

"I would have gone for center mass," Shaw commented.

Joss kept her hands out and John pointed at the syringe. "Looks like you need some help with that," he said and handed her his weapon to approach Shaw completely weaponless. He crouched down near Shaw, Joss watched Shaw's body language as she shrunk away from John but it wasn't from fear, it was out of mistrust. John thankfully kept his movements slow and explained what he was going to do before actually doing it. It didn't seem Shaw respected the courtesy as she gave him a flippant sarcastic remark.

"I want you to come meet a friend," John said as he handed Joss the syringe so he could cut the zip-tie off Shaw's hand. The small woman immediately got to her feet wincing, keeping the gun trained on John.

"And why would I want to meet any of your friends?"

John smirked. "You don't have anywhere else better to be," he commented just as dryly.

Joss frowned. These two couldn't talk worth of squat. "Shaw, you don't have any reason to trust us, we know that, and we aren't even asking for trust. We are just asking you to give us a few moments of your time so you can meet our mutual friend." she said softly.

Shaw eyed her and then John. "Your girlfriend is better at this than you are." Shaw stated as she lowered the weapon. Against her better judgment she was going to go with them to get rid of them, she had a feeling if she didn't go with them they'd be aggravatingly persistent. The hot guy and his equally hot girlfriend seemed genuine in wanting to help, not that she needed or wanted it.

"Carter isn't my girlfriend."

Shaw pocketed the gun at the back of her pants and grabbed her discarded jacket. She eyed the two of them and smirked. "Yea sure, and I'm the fucking Easter Bunny." she stated as she brushed past them and exited the room first. 

* * *

Joss collapsed on top of John panting, sweaty, and well fucked. She laid on his chest while they were still joined. "I told you." she panted feeling really good at the moment.

He chuckled. "Nice of you not to say 'I told you so'," John deadpanned and she giggled as she lifted her head.

"Hey, I was right and you were wrong; I think I'm allowed a little gloating. It's not my fault that you said we could watch an entire movie and behave ourselves."

He shot her a mock glare. "Well I didn't realize you had a hidden stash of pornos, Joss, you fight dirty."

She smiled as she slowly climbed off him and curled into his side while rubbing his lower abdomen as he dragged in breaths. "A girl has to do what a girl has to do when she has been celibate for years and no good male prospects in sight."

He groaned. "You're making me hard again."

Joss kissed his cheek as she slid a hand down his body and, as he claimed, his cock was growing hard again. She did so thoroughly enjoy the start of a relationship because the non-stop need for each other was amazing.

"Is that a bad thing?" she wondered.

"I wasn't exactly complaining, Joss."

She kissed his neck before sliding her tongue across his flat and hard nipple while she ran her hand up and down his length. Before she leaned back and looked up into his eyes. "Since you called me using a payphone to pick you, Harold, and Bear up, I'm taking things with Shaw didn't go well," Joss murmured feeling her breath even out and let John remove her hand from his cock.

Last night Lionel and she had gathered up Shaw's body and Lionel had been disgruntled at seeing Leon's face again. But they had worked as quickly as possible at getting Sameen before the drug injected into her killed her for sure. John had given Leon the antidote and his idea of faking Shaw's death wasn't ideal since they only had a short amount of time to inject the antidote and it all hinged on John's suspected belief he knew what they would use on Shaw. And he did, which in all likelihood meant John had done the same damn thing in the CIA.

"She took our cell phones and the ambulance and left us at the side of the road, I'm pretty sure that sums up how things went," he admitted. "But she did take Harold's card finally. So it's the first step."

She frowned. "Do you really think having a woman with an Axis II Personality Disorder helping save numbers is a good idea? John, not everyone needs a purpose like you, you can be empathetic with the numbers, Shaw can't because of the disorder."

"Shaw needs a purpose," he disagreed. "Shaw and I are quite different but in that respect we are similar. Just the reasons for needing the purpose are different."

Joss laid her head on his chest contemplating what he said and decided he was right. Just as Shaw easily read that they were together, Joss had read the woman herself. Shaw liked the action, the thrill that her former job gave her. If she didn't have it surely she would turn to the wrong side to get it. Giving her the purpose of working the numbers would give her that thrill and action that she craved.

"Okay, so what is the plan of helping Shaw? We don't even know where she went," she said, conceding to the plan of luring Shaw into helping them.

"I have an inkling of where she went. From my time watching and following her I came to realize she only liked and trusted one person: Michael Cole. Her former employers wanted to kill her and Cole because Cole was getting too close to the truth. The government might be watching his parents and might go after them just for the off chance that their son told them what he suspected."

She lifted her head and looked John in the eyes. "If that's true that Cole was the only person she cared for then she most definitely will go to make sure his parents are safe."

"They live way out of town. Can you help Harold with any numbers that might come up while I try to finish hers?" John wouldn't put it past Shaw to kill anyone that looked at Cole's parents the wrong way.

"Yea, but are you sure going alone to see her is a good idea? You're not exactly equipped with the social skills required to recruit a woman with a personality disorder who has trust issues."

"And you think you do?" he asked.

"No, but I think she likes me. You, not so much." she teased as she sprinkled kisses across his face then down his neck and on his chest. She pressed a soft kiss against the bruises, sliding down his belly and lavished attention to his naval. Joss grinned as she wrapped a hand around his cock earning a soft moan from him. "But don't worry John I like you enough for the both of us," she murmured against his belly.

"I can tell," he sighed contentedly.

Joss grinned. "Can I ask you something?" she asked seriously before she tongued his lovely treasure trail, following it down, stopping the moment she felt his private hair.

"If you want a halfway coherent answer than you need to stop touching my cock, Joss."

She giggled. "What, you can't think when I do this?" she asked softly as she stroked his tip with her thumb, tracing the slit, eliciting a moan. "Or this?" She ran her hand up and down his length in quick strokes that was getting the response she was going for, he was hardening for her further. She knew just what to do to get John going. "Or perhaps this," she murmured as she allowed her breath to wash over his penis and kissed the tip of his glorious cock that has given her so much pleasure. She loved when she got a hold of this big boy.

"Joss…"

She lifted away because she did truly want an answer to her question. She could take his cock into her mouth and play with him in a few minutes. "Okay, I'll stop for now since I do want an honest answer to my question." she said crawling up his body to lie on top of him and peer deeply into his eyes.

"What is it?" he wondered as he looked at her seriously, his hand stroking her body.

Joss stared into his eyes trying to ignore the stirring in her own loins as his hand was wandering all over her body and was getting dangerously close to sliding between her legs from behind. "The other day at the library, I made a flirty comment about you being the one in for a rough night and your reaction was not the reaction I figured to get. I was hoping to see your nostrils flare, eyes darken, or something. But instead you got a look on your face that I can't even describe. Did I say something that upset you because if I did I'm sorry?" she apologized. She had just figured it was a flirty retort back to his same comment. Her body reacted the way she had wanted his too.

He stared in her eyes. "No, you didn't do anything, Joss."

"So what is it?" she asked gently. And when nothing came out she leaned up and kissed his lips softly. "Tell me, John."

"Kara and I used to be lovers," he said abruptly and stopped.

"So?" she asked. He looked at her immediately and she shrugged. "John, I saw the picture of Kara Stanton, she wasn't ugly and you, you are just gorgeous. I'm sure you two were in need of release from tension you were under and turned to each other," she explained.

He nodded. "We did, not often though, we weren't really friends but she was my partner, and there." John wasn't proud of himself but Kara had been willing.

"John you don't owe me an explanation as to why you turned to your partner for sex, I understand," she tried to reassure him. She didn't want him to think that she held what he did with other women against him when she didn't know him back then, because she didn't. She just wanted to know what happened that made John react negatively to her comment so she could maybe make a better memory for him. Joss wasn't an idiot, John was in his mid to late thirties during his time in the agency, so of course he wanted sex. He was a healthy man. She was just glad he was still a healthy man who wanted sex with her.

"Kara wasn't a good person," he murmured. "At first sex was quick just meant to get off."

"Okay, so…" she led, wanting to know what brought that unexpected look on John's face.

"The more we did it the more it changed from just quick for release to something else entirely. And she liked being in control," he whispered.

Joss swallowed hard as she realized now that her flirty comment had brought up bad memories. "Be in control of the encounter or be in control of you?" she asked gently because the difference was astronomical but she had a distinct feeling she already knew the answer as she watched as his eyes glazed over.

John closed his eyes as unwanted memories of that night sprung to mind. He couldn't get the feel of the cuffs that she had forced him in off his wrists, hadn't been able to get an erection to save his soul so he pleasured Kara. That repulsive and pungent scent of gasoline, blood, and Kara's arousal that he just couldn't forget made his stomach roll. No matter how hard he scrubbed or how many showers he took he couldn't quite wash the feel of the blood and gasoline he was forced to lay in off himself. " _You're such a boy scout, John, always willing to do anything to save an innocent life. It's disgusting and pathetic, sooner or later I'm going to snuff that side of you out and we can have some real fun together. Go get cleaned up, you're a mess, while I put what's left of our adoring audience together._ "

John snapped his eyes open as Kara's voice sounded in the darkness of Joss's room, like she was a demon in the night. He couldn't escape it. Joss was too pure to be touching him, not after what Kara had made him do. He swallowed hard as bile was rising up his throat and the stinging burn of tears pricked at the backs of his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this, there are some things you are better off never knowing." he said desperately and Joss stared at him. Her curiosity that usually sprung to life at comments like that didn't this time. She truly doubted she wanted to know the particulars of that night because John was trembling, looked nauseated just by the sheer memory of it. He was looking past her as if he was reliving whatever happened. And she had no doubt that whatever Kara did that night was manipulative, in her best interests and pleasure.

She kissed his cheek which felt cold all of a sudden. "I won't ask about it anymore," she promised. "I'm sorry, John, I'm so sorry for bringing it up. Forget I asked," she apologized, nearly begging him to forget because he was trembling like a leaf. Whatever happened she suspected was a form of mental torture, because John's reaction to just the memory of it was upsetting. Joss had seen men and women at the group of veterans she talked with react like this when they relived something traumatic. She kissed him warmly wanting to soothe him, to comfort him, and recapture the mood that she destroyed but felt no response. His lips didn't move.

She watched in dismay as he pushed free of her, his face had gone pale and he looked ready to vomit. He didn't say a word as she watched as he hurried in the bathroom and she felt tears fall as she heard him getting sick. Joss could say with absolute certainty that she hated Kara Stanton. She was glad the woman was dead because she couldn't hurt John ever again. She wiped her eyes, determined to help heal him even if she didn't know what it was that happened. She had a feeling it would make her vomit too.

* * *

AN: I always imagined that Kara's attempts to erase the Boy Scout were truly devastating and disgusting which is what I hinted at. But I will not write it. I do not wish to write torturous scenes and for Demon Within I have three and they are all three short just so the readers know what kind of hell Joss survived from. I'm thinking of finally updating that sometime this week! I've been sitting on it as I'm trying to unsuccessfully to figure out how I want it to end. It's a definite work in progress lol. Anyways back to this, next chapter we finally have Momma Joss showing her face and gets to meet you know who ;D

Thanks for reading!


	31. Chapter 31

_**AN: I couldn't leave it on angsty end for long. Smut at the bottom, more specifically after the second line break just for an fyi :)  
**_

* * *

John was back from out of town after an illuminating conversation with Shaw. He wouldn't go into detail at what was said but whatever it was must have gotten through to the young woman because she had stormed back and entered the library, freaking out both Harold and Joss. Joss had been there helping Harold on a case while John was out in the field. Shaw appeared in the library, all small and angry calling John a poorly socialized guard dog, clearly whatever John said had gotten results. Joss had noted the softness in the way Shaw responded to Bear and how agitated she grew when she saw Root's photo. Trying to convince someone like Shaw to work for the greater good was not going at all like it had with John. John listened, agreed to one number, but not Shaw. She didn't listen, rather she set her eyes on her new hobby, finding Root and getting revenge on her since Harold had taken care of helping Cole's parents. There was no stopping the tiny woman, so instead Joss offered her cell number, if she needed any police resources. Joss figured getting to Shaw was to build some sort of trust with her. Shaw had snatched her card out of her hand before she turned and left without another word.

That had been a few days ago, about a day after her ill-advised question that had ruined a nice evening with John. But she couldn't dwell on the fact that Shaw hadn't called or the fact that she had upset John so much that night that the moment he exited the bathroom he got dressed without looking at her and left without a word. She couldn't dwell on any of that because she was busy with Donnelly hoping to keep him steered clear of John. And what she found out since worried her. Mark Snow, was back in New York, but clearly under someone's thumb as he had a bomb vest strapped to his chest. And she was damn well worried what that could mean. She had told John all about it, he seemed worried, but didn't know anything about it which worried her even further. If John didn't know who or why Mark was in a bomb vest then how were they going to be able to stop whatever was coming? But she forced herself not to worry herself sick over it and what it could possibly mean to John. Instead she focused on being happy.

Joss looked up when her back door opened. She had left unlocked for John, knowing he was coming over for dinner with her and her son. She immediately left the kitchen and blocked his exit from the mud room. They needed to have a conversation without her boy's ears around.

"Can we talk?" she asked quietly with a quick look over her shoulder, hearing her son complain about something from the other room.

He looked at her after he locked the door. "What's wrong Joss? Did you find out something about Snow?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you about something that I didn't want my son to overhear since we're trying to keep things between us quiet. He's busy having his eyes glued to TV playing his XBOX game, so we have a few minutes to ourselves."

"Okay…."

"Are we okay?" she asked immediately.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Joss," he said and sounded genuinely confused.

She touched his arm. "I'm talking about the other night. You left without another word and I just wanted to make sure everything is okay with us," she said very carefully. She didn't want to bring him unwanted pain again. She had cried all night that night after he left because she had inadvertently caused John pain.

His face softened and she breathed in a sigh of relief that it didn't shadow with pain. "Joss, you did nothing wrong, I just needed…"

"To take a walk," she guessed.

He nodded. "Yea, I just needed some air and you needed sleep so I left."

She had a feeling John dealt with more than just simple insomnia that wouldn't let him sleep on most nights. But she let it go because if she could help him heal than maybe the demons that wouldn't let him sleep would fade. Joss was just glad he wasn't shutting her out after everything she had done to wiggle in.

So she played to what John thought this was and kept things extremely light as she gave him a sly smile. "Good, because I want to get you in my bed and fuck your brains out." She pushed her body up against his. "Get my mouth on your dick." She whispered for his ears only and kissed him hungrily.

John sighed as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back, equally hungry for it. Her words started a fire in his belly, feeling his cock stiffen as he slid his tongue across hers.

"MOM! When is John coming?" Taylor's voice ended the kiss.

She grinned, hands rubbing his chest. "Tonight for sure," she purred suggestively, just for him.

He gave her a slow smile. "Only after you," he promised.

Joss didn't say anything, glad to see that pretty smile of his. "Good news baby, he just arrived," she called out and turned. He grabbed her ass while exiting the mud room and earned a soft moan before dropping his hand away before her boy appeared.

"Hey, John," Taylor grinned happily grabbing his forearm. "Yankees game is almost on." John let the boy tug him from his mother because he wasn't sure he could do so by himself.

Joss exited the kitchen after a minute of relaxing her body, what was supposed to relax John had made her body crackle alive. She found John on the couch listening to Taylor as he showed him the video game and was explaining the concept of the first-person shooter game. She had played the game a handful of times and found she was better at shooting in real life.

She glanced at her watch. "Game is on in a minute, Taylor," she said before turning to go back into the kitchen to check on the enchiladas which were for dinner. Joss frowned when she heard the doorbell as she approached her oven. "Taylor can you get the door?" she called out unsure of who could be there. Maybe it was Fusco or Finch?

Joss opened the oven to make sure the enchiladas were coming along when she heard her mother's voice greet Taylor. Joss's head lifted and she slammed the oven door shut. "Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!" she whispered as she whirled around rushing out of her kitchen. Sure enough her mother was in the foyer being helped with her light jacket off from Taylor.

Joss smiled nervously. "Hello momma, surprised to see you," she greeted as she rushed over to hug her mother who was about a good three inches shorter than she was.

"I know you said you would drop off Taylor later but I was in the neighborhood so I figured to stop and see my two favorite people in the world," her mother said reasonably. And Joss heard heavy footsteps, closing her eyes as she held her mother knowing who was coming. She was sure her mother had stopped by unannounced in an attempt to meet John. Her mother had made one previous trip before and had curiously looked about her home for someone that she figured would be there but hadn't. Well today her momma struck gold. "My, my, who is this handsome fellow?" her mother inquired softly before pulling free of the hug. They were doomed, John wasn't equipped to handle her mother.

John froze in the foyer as he came face to face with a smaller and older version of Joss.

Joss swallowed hard as she motioned to John. "Momma this is John. John, this is my mother, Alice," she introduced and her mother shot her a look before focusing all her attention on John.

"John," her mother repeated.

"It's nice to meet you..." he paused holding out his hand to shake hers, looking for help from Joss with a last name. He wasn't going to call Joss's mother by her first name.

"He's got manners, trying to look to you for help to find out my surname. That's sweet, but I want you to call me Alice," she said and then eyed his hand. "I think a hug is more in order," her mother continued as she bypassed the handshake and moved in for a hug. John hugged her awkwardly and Joss eyed her boy worriedly, mouthing to him to watch them.

"I'll go set an extra plate for you, momma," Joss spoke up, pasting on a wide grin to hide that she was flustered.

Her mother parted from the hug with a firm tug of John's hand. "You and Taylor do that, I'm just going to steal this young man and pick his brain for a few minutes."

Oh hell no. "I can set the table myself momma." she insisted.

"No, Taylor is going to help his mother set the table like a good boy, isn't that right, Taylor?"

"Yes grandma," he agreed. Joss kept her pasted on smile in place as she grabbed her son's arm and they hurried to the kitchen. "We need to move fast mom or John's dead," Taylor said.

"Grandma is already probably leading him to his doom as we speak. We set the table as quick as possible and get our asses back out there," Joss ordered.

* * *

John had a feeling that Joss hadn't wanted to leave him alone with her mother. He didn't need to wonder why as soon as he and her mother sat down on the couch. Joss's mother, Alice, was eyeing him much as Joss and Taylor did. Scrutinizing him, as if analyzing him and now he knew where those two got their inquisitive minds and their too spot-on deductions.

"You're a quiet man," she said softly.

"I'm not really good at small talk, Ms. Alice," he said quietly.

Alice smiled. She liked this one. It wasn't often her baby got smitten. Paul was alright but this one looked at her daughter the way she wanted Paul to. "Leave off the Ms., please," she requested.

"Alright, Alice," he said slowly.

"My grandson talks a lot about you," Alice said, all the while watching Joss's man for anything to help her figure him out. Her grandson took to this man, liked him a lot in fact, and she knew her daughter didn't invite just anyone to meet Taylor.

"Taylor is a good kid," John said softly. Point one in John's favor. Nothing could go far with John and her baby girl if he didn't care about Taylor and it was obvious he cared a lot about Taylor.

"He is, takes after his mother," she agreed and John smiled in agreement. Alice felt like she had him loosened up a bit, she could turn to what she really wanted to know. "How did you meet my daughter?" she wondered and noted the way the young man froze and something flashed through his pretty blue eyes she was sure attracted her daughter first. They were piercing, big, and a gorgeous hue.

"She didn't tell you?" he said instead of answering her.

Alice nodded as he was answering her question with a question. He was quiet, evasive, and now she understood what her baby girl meant about John being complicated. Alice watched as an emotion in his eyes faded but not before they gave him away, they gave her a strong sense that he was hiding a wounded soul and a broken heart. Her darling daughter had some work to do, but anything worth having required time and effort. She would have to question her daughter when this man wasn't around.

Alice smiled at him, deciding to play his game and answer his question with a question. "Why would my daughter explain to me how she met a friend or is there more to it than just friendship? Are you two dating?—is that why you are always over?"

He looked at her, secretly berating himself for stepping into that one. "Uh…I wonder how much longer they are taking to set the table," he said as he got to his feet. "I should go help."

"So you can continue to dodge my questions?" she commented sweetly.

He looked down at her. "I haven't dodged them."

Alice enjoyed a challenge and besides John's looks, she understood what enamored her daughter. This young man would keep her baby interested. "You haven't answered any, so what do you call that, John?" Alice asked gently.

He frowned. "Now I know where Joss gets her stubbornness from," he said, still not answering a single thing.

"Her father," Alice agreed with a wink, earning herself a light laugh from the younger man. "So John, I think the reason you dodging my questions is because you don't want to admit to liking my daughter."

"Table's set!" Taylor announced as he and Joss nearly ran back into the room. John breathed in a sigh of relief as they came back, Joss's mother was tough.

Alice grinned, noting the look of utter relief on John's handsome face, having all the answers she needed.

"Dinner is nearly ready, we are having chicken enchiladas, momma," Joss said as Taylor plopped down on the couch next to John.

Alice nodded. "Good, I'm hungry, but we have a few minutes to catch the beginning of the game before dinner. Tell me, John, do you like the Yankees?" she asked sweet as pie as she turned to look at the man.

"Yes," he agreed.

Alice smiled at the handsome man. "Thank you for proving my point, John," Alice said as she stood up. Joss looked at John who stiffened and she looked at her mother when she spoke again. "Jocelyn, can we speak for a moment alone?"

Joss looked at John again before looking at her mother. "Sure," she led her mother into the kitchen. "Don't pull your wizardry on John, he's not equipped to handle your questions."

"That boy doesn't answer questions," Alice said with a soft chuckle. "He's very good looking and I see the attraction between you two."

Joss turned to look at her mother after pulling the enchiladas out of the oven to cool for a little. She wasn't going to let them burn because her mother flustered her. "Momma…"

She held her hands out. "I know, I won't push. I know to never push you sweetheart. If I thought it would work I would have pushed you to move on from what happened with Paul a long time ago. But I'm so glad you waited until you truly were ready to move on from him because that man out there is perfect for you. He's a little wounded but, given enough time, I think he'll come around."

Joss crossed her arms across her chest. "And you got all that from one five minute conversation with him, especially since he didn't answer any questions."

Alice nodded. "It's the things he doesn't say that answers the questions."

Joss frowned. If her mother figured that out in one short session then she was going to sniff out the fact that she and John were already sleeping together. "Just go easy on him please, mom, he's not ready for a full on assault," she asked sincerely.

"You really like him, don't you my beautiful girl?" Alice asked touching her hair, then her cheeks.

Joss looked behind her mother to make sure John wasn't in ear shot. "I really like him," she agreed.

Her mother smiled warmly, patted her cheek. "Taylor, John, come on in, dinner is ready," her mother called before moving to take a seat. Both John and Taylor entered and they all ate dinner together, enjoying each other's company.

* * *

Much later in the evening after her mother left with her son, after she and John feasted on one another, they laid in bed together. She curled into him, feeling warm and sated. "Sorry about my mother just popping her head in," she said softly. They hadn't had a chance to talk much about her. Within minutes after her mother and son left they were attacking each other's clothes and mouths.

"Your mother is…" John started, then trailed off when he couldn't think of a word to accurately describe her mother. Joss's mother was kind, pretty, and he understood where Joss and Taylor got their uncanny ability to read people.

"Is a handful?" she supplied.

He shook his head. "I was going to say: was a pleasure to meet."

"Sure you were. I know my momma she probably sped off about seventy questions at you all at once," Joss chuckled.

"Well at least now I know where you get your interrogator side. Not to mention your beauty."

She smiled. "Yea, momma was sure smitten with you with the way you charmed her."

"Had to be on my best behavior when meeting your mother," he acknowledged and she snorted. And he frowned. "What's with the snort? I know how to behave," he said and she snorted harder. "I do."

"When have you ever behaved?! You shoot kneecaps for a living, you love twisting the NYPD in knots, and you break in my place all the damn time. I should just give you a damn key because one of these times you are going to ruin my lock's mechanism."

John eyed her in mock anger. "Are you suggesting my lock picking is less than desired? I'll have you know those are fighting words." he rolled her over onto her back and nipped at her neck before teasing his tongue down her chest and she moaned as he caught a nipple between his lips.

"Mmm," she moaned as his hard knee slipped between her legs. "Your aim could be a little better too. I mean a couple of the guys you kneecapped weren't really kneecapped if you know what I mean." she said, then moaned sharply as his sucked hard at her nipple before slipping his mouth down her belly.

"I'll show you how good my aim is," he growled as he stared down at her like a predator. It could sound as a threat but the ravenous desire in his eyes made his 'threat' something she wanted to experience.

"I think you're all talk,"she taunted cockily, seeing just how far she could push him.

John sat back on his haunches beautifully large and looming, her eyes slid down to his cock that was growing hard all over again, and all she had to do was wiggle a little and he'd be inside her again just where she wanted him to be. He fit perfectly in her stretching and filling her so much that she felt him touching every part of her and not just physically.

John's palms reached out to run across her aching breasts and she arched her back to press her nipples more firmly against those talented hands of his. "Joss, it is not in your best interest to taunt me. I could leave you hanging on the edge of your orgasm for hours if I even decide to let you have it."

Her eyes caught his and suddenly she felt less cocky than moments ago. "If…." she murmured weakly.

His grin turned wicked as his hands slid away from her breasts. "If," he agreed. "I can make this night last forever and maybe if you beg me enough I'll let you orgasm," he said softly as he teasingly brushed her clit with his index finger.

"Fat chance, I won't beg," she hissed as her hips jumped at the brief and soft touch trying to follow his damn hand.

"You will," he countered and she cursed him as his fleeting touch was much too quick. He bent down to kiss her. "I always keep my word," he purred.

She moaned. "John, don't you dare withhold my…" he cut off the words with his mouth as covered her, ending the kiss after several moments of thrusting his tongue into her mouth mimicking what she wanted him to do with his cock in her. She wiggled under him, trying to reach for his cock that was just in reach but he grabbed her wandering hands and pinned them above her head.

He smiled down at her as he held her hands above her head and no matter how hard she tugged he wouldn't let go. She watched as he reached over to her nightstand for her cuffs that were near her badge and piece. She kept them close just in case of an intruder, now she wondered if that was such a good idea.

She struggled but his grip tightened. "No, John, don't you dare!" she growled, wiggling and tugging to free herself as he didn't listen to her.

John peered down at her. "If you don't want me to do this I won't." Her struggles ceased immediately seeing how serious he was.

"I trust you John. But if you cuff me, turnabout is fair play. I know you've been tortured and restrained with unwelcome outcomes." she said cautiously not wanting to bring up bad memories.

He stared down at her but didn't loosen his grip on her hands. "Alright," he said slowly. "If you let me do this to you, you can…cuff me," he said softly.

Joss felt her breath hitch at the amount of trust he was bestowing upon her after he had nothing but horrible experiences while being restrained. She was grateful for it and she was going to replace those horrible memories with good ones.

"Thank you for trusting me, John." He looked away as he snapped the cuffs around her wrists and she moaned as the serious look was gone replaced with unbridled desire. She couldn't curb the fire that raced down her spine. "Now that you got me where you want me, what are you going to do with me?" she purred as she spread her legs wide and his eyes drifted down and she grinned as his nostrils flared.

"I'm going to bring you to the brink of your orgasm over and over again until you beg me."

Joss sputtered as he was still on that train. "John, come on, I let you cuff me, let's just forget me taunting you and wounding your ego about picking my lock and shooting kneecaps. I promise to never do it again." she bartered as she tugged on the cuffs now wishing she could grab him. He settled between her legs but he purposely ignored her sex that was screaming for his attention. He licked and sucked on her inner thigh.

She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, unwilling to beg for it but so damn close to doing so. But she couldn't help it because she knew sex with John was like a damn marathon with his up just never quitting. John was entirely focused on her pleasure, on making her come apart again and again it seemed he would never come. But she finally realized after their fourth or fifth lovemaking that his excitement grew as he got her off again and again, his orgasm would rush him the moment she sobbed his name as she couldn't take any more of the intense pleasure. She honestly never had a man who wanted to give so much and wondered if it had anything to do with his past that he lost everyone.

John could be the gentlest creature as he would lazily thrust into her or be an animal and fucking her wildly and relentlessly. There was no telling which she would receive and that excited her even more, the not knowing. He never gave her an indication if she'd see the gentleman or the animal that would hold her down and fuck her into oblivion. And it didn't matter because she knew by the end of either lovemaking she would be nothing more than a shuddering mess as John laid heavily on her, softly kissing her as he came down from his high with their sweat mixing.

But right now, she knew without a shadow of a doubt which one she was going to get and it wasn't the gentle one and her body throbbed in need.

John caught some of her sensitive skin between his teeth as he listened to the jangle of her cuffs against her headboard as if she was testing their strength. Her thigh jumped at the pain and he soothed the bite with his tongue, before showering her other creamy thigh with the same attention ignoring where he wanted to bury his mouth the most. Her hips tried to lift and he pushed her down with his left hand as he concentrated on her right thigh.

"John," she moaned in annoyance.

"That's not begging," he muttered between licks and sucks of her thigh.

"You're going to have to do more than this to get me to utter one little plea."

John lifted his head to eye her with a calm smile on his face, which was decidedly different from the swirling emotions in him and the clenching of need tightening in his lower stomach. His erection pulsated as the thought of putting an end to this right now.

"Is that your way of telling me to suck your cunt?"

Joss shuddered, loving when he got dirty. "That's one way of putting it."

"Would you prefer a more polite term, Joss?" he wondered as he blew on her clitoris and she moaned.

She struggled to think. "No," she whimpered, wanting his mouth on her. She didn't want gentleman and polite John, she wanted animal John.

"No what, Joss?" he questioned as he smiled up at her. "No you don't want my mouth on you or no you don't want a more polite term for your lovely pussy?" he asked, purposely mistaking what she was saying no to, as he sat up and she glared up at him.

"No you bastard, I want your mouth on my cunt," she answered in aggravation as his teasing continued.

"With that talk how can I resist?" he teased as he brushed her clit with his thumb, enjoying the game, listening to her curse him. "I mean every man's dream is to be called a bastard in bed."

She tugged on her wrists about to think up a witty retort when his mouth finally zeroed in on where she needed him most, making any thought of a comeback melt away. Joss moaned as he held her steady as she clutched the headboard as her hips jumped trying desperately to get closer to his mouth. John's tongue was zigzagging against her womanhood creating a delicious sensation. His tongue was lavishing direct attention to her clitoris before repeating the same zigzag pattern but in the opposite direction which had her panting already. Joss felt the sharp spikes of pleasure tingle throughout her loins, feeling her orgasm rushing, closing in on her already as his tongue and lips were drawing her towards the edge, feeling like a spring inside her was being wound tighter and tighter, so close to snapping.

"John," she moaned over and over again incoherently as his wicked mouth was getting her there and then suddenly wasn't anywhere. Joss blinked her eyes open in realization that his wondrous mouth was missing as she was left on the brink of her orgasm, so close to climaxing as she shook with need, she cursed his name.

He smiled as he pressed brief and chaste kisses against her wet and swollen-with-need nub of desire. John swallowed hard, he more than wished to just feast on her and to hell with his word about teasing her. But he wanted to make it last, she allowed him to restrain her and he could do what he damn welled pleased. Having that kind of trust made him want to cherish the moment for as long as he could, so he massaged her thigh muscles while he stared at her treasures trying to determine where he wanted to love next while he allowed her orgasm to slide away.

Joss flopped her head back onto her pillow wondering if he was trying to kill her as she felt the steely claws of her orgasm slowly seep away, leaving her tense with need. John was staring at her sex like a starving man trying to determine if he was going to try the appetizer or just go for the main course. She was begging for main course but knowing John he was going to have appetizers for hours and then the main course.

John glanced up to her face seeing she wasn't paying him any attention and would fix that as he licked her earning a short gasp as her thighs tensed around his head. He sucked her clitoris back into his mouth, lifting his hands from her hips to twist her nipples as he nuzzled closer to her as humanly possible.

Joss couldn't make heads or tails from the sensations that were pounding her body from all sides. And a fire settled between her legs as his lips, tongue, and teeth were once more tugging her to the edge of the wonderful abyss. But this time she wanted to tumble over. With her hands cuffed to her headboard all she could do was plant her feet into his mattress and push her hips up seeking that elusive climax. But the moment she did that John's mouth was gone again, his touch on her breasts gone as well. He sat back, lifted her up liked she weighed nothing, and the giant jerk made sure she couldn't reach the bed at all. Her feet couldn't find purchase, leaving her no control as she twisted her hips in need as his mouth latched on her greedily. He sucked with so much pressure she saw double.

"Oh god, John, please I need it!" she begged unable to stop herself, didn't care anymore at outdoing him. She just wanted her orgasm. Joss's eyes snapped close as he continued to suck in a rhythm that sent her orgasm storming forward and gave her no chance to prepare as it rocked her. She bit her upper arm to try to muffle her scream as he sucked hard, drawing every last ounce of her orgasm from her. With her hands cuffed to the bed, hips held up off the bed, all she could was hold onto the headboard as the endless waves of pleasure washed over her.

She panted raggedly as he set her hips gently down onto the bed and his hand settled between her legs while he leaned over and kissed her. She moaned as he slid his middle finger back inside her but added a second then a third stretching her. His thumb was rubbing her quivering clitoris as his tongue stroked hers. She tugged on her cuffed hands as her legs spread wantonly. He fingered her and broke the kiss.

"You won, please, I need you." she helplessly moaned as his hand was doing delicious things to her. She was still on her high from her orgasm as he nipped her breasts as he lavished attention to her belly button before he slid down back to her core. "Please," she started but ended on a subtle gasp as he sucked her again. Her hips jerked, trying to get away from the stimulation from that hot mouth of his.

He smiled as he licked her honey, then sucked on that quivering clit. Mmm….

"John, please," she pled, the heaviness to his tongue was too much to handle just this second.

John pressed soft kisses and removed his mouth from her. "You did say please," he murmured as he kissed her before sitting back and reached over her. Joss's eyes followed his hand, seeing him reaching for the handcuffs' key and breathed in relief that he was going to un-cuff her. John undid the cuffs and Joss smiled happily as her arms fell down limply feeling heavy from being in the same position for over a half hour.

But her happiness faded as she squeaked in startled surprise as John flipped her onto her belly and re-cuffed her but instead of to the headboard, her hands were cuffed behind her back much like she had done a half million times to criminals. It all happened in a span of seconds she didn't have a chance to react. Then that bastard had the gall to laugh at her as she struggled in the cuffs on her knees before him.

"What the hell?!" She snarled into the sheets as she tugged on her hands and uttered a profanity laced tirade for a good full minute. She had really believed he was all done with the damn cuffs! She cursed some more as she tugged futilely on her cuffs.

"Careful Joss, you don't want you to chafe your skin,' John murmured and grinned when he thought he heard a muffled 'fuck you' coming from her. She was extremely hot when she was ornery. "Joss, I wasn't done with the handcuffs yet, just done with you cuffed to the bed," he said softly, tugging her back a bit so she was in no danger of clunking her head when he entered her. John placed a pillow for her lovely head so she was comfortable and pushed her onto her knees to spread her wide apart for him.

"John, this isn't any way a civilized human being treats a woman!" she hissed in anger, tugging on her cuffs, more than a little angry that she was so turned on at the moment. Her body felt like he lit her on fire with the audacity to do this.

John chuckled as he tested her with his finger as he easily slid two fingers inside her, before removing them and rubbed her delicious honey across his very erect cock before positioning himself at her entrance from behind.

He slapped her ass that had his cock throbbing in need, knowing it would incite her even more and Joss did not disappoint when his beautiful detective turned into a sailor mouth. "Mmm, those are some unique pet names you have for me," John teased, loving nothing more than to ram himself into her but he didn't want to just yet. He preferred allowing the anticipation to build as his manhood pulsed as he eyed her lovely ass.

"I'll give you pet names," she growled.

"Remember, you got me to agree to let you put me in those, you'll have your turn," he reminded her. And without another word he pushed into her hard.

Joss jerked from the intrusion and moaned sharply as he grabbed her shoulders and forced her back onto him as he thrust forward. She tried to move forward as she felt incredibly full but he held her to him. "I promised you all night, Joss, I keep my word," he whispered. John grabbed her other pillow sliding it between her legs as he let go of her shoulders to place his palms beside her head to thrust into her harder. He closed his eyes as she felt amazing as he sped up his hips, pushing her hips down more firmly into the pillow to fuck her senseless.

She cried his name as John pounded inside her, her sensitive clitoris rubbing devilishly against the pillow between her legs. John's hands were beside her head as he levered up and into her harder on each thrust. The steady assault of his skin smacking hers, her face buried into the pillow she laid on, teeth biting into her satin pillowcase, and her hair covering her face but none of it drowned out her cries for more. Her nipples rubbed against her satin sheets teasingly with each powerful thrust forward.

John got closer to her and his thrusts grew shorter but deeper as she felt his thighs pushing hers further apart. His kept one hand to balance himself above her but he dropped the other to her hip as he sent his thick cock gliding in and out of her faster. His groans of ecstasy were hot as she could imagine the look of bliss on his face.

She let out a strangled scream as her orgasm crashed into her, viciously assaulting her, making it so that dragging in ragged pants was nearly too much. She clenched all around his large cock and it seemed to spur him on as his cock started to pound mercilessly into her.

John lifted her a bit to change the angle of penetration, staring at her ass as he fucked her like he was possessed. Her spasms as she came and the wet tight heat sucking at his stiff cock felt amazing as he came inside with a hoarse shout, grabbing her hips hard holding her to him as he stiffened inside her.

The moment she felt the end of what seemed to be the never ending waves of his orgasm was when they both slumped down onto her bed. The only sound in her bedroom was their mutual labored breathing.

He shifted and she whimpered a little. "No don't, I like you being inside me," she whispered.

John smiled and kissed her bare back. "I was going to get the key and un-cuff you. It has to be uncomfortable."

"It is but don't leave me,"she requested. She liked feeling full of him and didn't want the intimacy of being joined gone so soon after that amazing round of lovemaking. She did so enjoy animal John when he let him out to play.

"I won't," he promised. He reached over and grabbed the key without even withdrawing an inch from her and her hands fell away from her back as he un-cuffed her.

She laid them above her head letting the blood flow again and John covered her allowing their fingers to tangle. Joss felt deliciously surrounded by him. "Well it didn't last all night but there is always another go around,"he offered as he focused on regulating his breathing.

Joss smiled a little. "If you withheld my orgasm for one more damn minute I was ready to sign over my soul to you to get it."

He placed a kiss to her sweaty cheek. "Well, why didn't you say that earlier? I could have made you wait one more minute," he teased.

"If I could move I'd punch you, but lucky for you I"m too sated and satisfied at the moment."

He chuckled and she groaned in protest as he withdrew from her sliding to lie beside her. She rolled onto her back and sighed as she shifted her head to look at him. "So, John, when is it my turn to cuff you to my bed and fuck you senseless?" she asked.

He smiled, but didn't meet her gaze. "Whenever you want."

She stared at him. "Well it's not going to be tonight. No, I think I prefer surprising you with it when you least expect it. That's when I'm going to cuff you," she said rolling onto her side to rub his face, earning his attention. "Thank you, I'm honored you're willing to give me a chance to create better memories for you." she said sincerely.

He reached out to touch her chin. "You already are."

She smiled as he kissed her softly. She kept her eyes open as his closed. She wondered if he had any idea that he was falling in love with her. As his eyes opened, she knew he didn't, and she settled her cheek against his heart as it thumped rhythmically and just basked in him as he fell asleep in her arms.

* * *

AN: Some angst is on the way but next chapter has more fluff, call it the calm before the storm coming their way which has been hinted at in the last couple chapters :)

As always thanks for reading!


	32. Chapter 32

_**AN: This would have been up yesterday but I was having some difficulty accessing this website last night, not sure if it was FF or my Comcast Internet. So here is the fluffy chapter. It's not total fluff but it has it's moments :)**_

* * *

Joss ordered two mocha lattes from the coffee vendor near the precinct. It was her turn to get coffees for her and Fusco. Since she and John had a late morning and couldn't share breakfast she was debating on ordering a donut with it.

"And you two claimed to not be fuck buddies." Joss jumped a mile as she whirled around, finding Shaw behind her in line. Joss turned back to look at the man making her coffees. "I need another latte." she ordered for Shaw before motioning at her.

"I want lots of milk, no soy crap, and loads of caramel. Make it sugary sweet or I'm coming back to shoot you," Shaw guaranteed.

Joss smiled sweetly at the man who looked suddenly petrified. "Ignore her, she's off her meds." She batted her eyes at the man who looked spooked as he stared at the little angry woman behind her and quickly made a disgusting latte just for Shaw. Forgoing the donut Joss handed the man his money before grabbing the lattes for her and Fusco while Shaw grabbed hers. Shaw took an immediate sip and Joss breathed in a sigh of relief as the woman seemed to like the latte.

"So I didn't think I'd hear from you," Joss admitted, taking a desperate sip of her own, needing the extra shot of expresso she got in her latte for the added caffeine. The night she had with John last night had left very little room to sleep. She was starving but then if you have sex all night, of course one would work up an appetite. Maybe she'd take her lunch break early.

Shaw shrugged as they walked together slowly sipping their coffees. "I want to know more about you and Reese—that's his name isn't it? I mean you sure moaned 'John' a lot last night, so I'm assuming that's his real first name. But I heard that four eyed cripple call him Mr. Reese."

Joss didn't react to the fact that it seemed like Shaw was spying on her and John because anger exploded in her at Shaw's comment on Harold. "Don't call Harold that!" Joss snapped. "I get you have a personality disorder but it doesn't give you free reign to make comments like that. Show respect."

Shaw eyed the pretty black woman and frowned when she felt the need to apologize. What was it about this woman that made her like her? She hated everyone except for Cole. "Sorry," she muttered under her breath.

Joss narrowed her eyes but nodded. She wasn't going to get a better apology from this woman so she would take what she got.

"Is Reese his name?" Shaw asked again.

"The name he goes by," Joss agreed as they walked side by side. "Harold's last name isn't real either." she felt inclined to add.

"I figured that out when there is literally nothing known about him."

Joss nodded. "So you are spying on John and me," she said casually. Joss felt incredibly embarrassed and she was going to shut her damn curtains next time. What was this pervert doing, watching from across the street?

Shaw smirked. "Only for the good stuff, Carter." And Reese and Carter did the good stuff extremely well, she thought. She didn't get to see the show but she damn well got an earful. Carter didn't find the bug she placed in her pocket yesterday morning as she lurked around New York trying to understand Carter, Reese, and that Harold guy.

"Meaning you spied on us having sex," Joss said between sips of coffee. "Hope the show was half as amazing as being a participant," she said jokingly.

"It did the job for me," Shaw admitted without embarrassment.

Joss made a face. "Don't tell John you were watching, you little voyeur," she muttered.

Shaw looked up. "I don't know why I like you since I usually don't like anyone, but I do. But don't call me small," she snarled.

Joss realized her stature was a sore spot for Shaw, probably had to work overtime to show her talent that she could be just as good as a man but not only that, be as good as a woman taller and bigger. "I didn't mean it like that, Shaw. I know what it's like to have to prove your worth because they look down at you for your gender or stature, or in my case the color of my skin. I get it, so does John and Harold; we each had our own limitations that we had to prove we were superior to. That we just didn't fit the mold that others wanted to place us into," she explained.

Shaw eyed the woman, relaxing. "What was Reese's?—getting people to take him seriously because he looks like an underwear model?" Shaw asked dryly.

Joss shook her head. "I'm assuming John has run into that problem that he possibly couldn't be intelligent and that good looking at the same time. But after one conversation with John he'd definitely put that irrational logic to bed," Joss said and Shaw nodded. "But since you're here does that mean you are thinking about taking up Harold's and John's offer?" Joss asked.

Shaw made a face. "Work as just another supposedly dead assassin at an old derelict library taking orders from a nerd. No thanks, spying on you and Reese had everything to do with the fact that Reese stuck his nose in my private business where it didn't belong, so as I see it his private life is fair game."

"He did save your life with sticking his nose in your business," she pointed out.

Shaw shrugged. "I didn't ask to be saved."

"No you didn't, but John, Harold, and I believe you are worth saving," Joss murmured, gaining the smaller and younger woman's attention. Something flashed in her dulled eyes. "We see good in you, even if you don't."

Shaw felt an unexpected emotion, one she couldn't understand either. Anger it seemed was her only emotion she could feel but this one, this unnamed feeling in her, made her soften a bit. And it made the urge to figure Reese, this Harold, and Carter out stronger. She wanted to know what they did, where they got their information, and why they risked their lives for strangers. As she saw it the human race was filled with selfish assholes who were only out for themselves, her included, but not these three. Was altruism even a thing?—she never experienced it before.

Joss shifted uncomfortably as she could almost see Shaw's mind working and the usual bland face echoed confusion, irritation, and then confusion again. "Shaw," she said gently earning the woman's attention again. The bland face was back before she hid her face with the excuse of taking a sip of her disgusting latte. "There is a place for you with us here. I know it won't be the same as working for the ISA and killing for your country, but John does get his fair share of shooting some kneecaps in." Joss said.

"Center mass or headshots are more fun."

Joss frowned. "That's murder."

"It's justice," Shaw countered.

"May I ask you a question, Sameen?"

"Call me Shaw," Shaw snapped. She didn't let jut anyone call her Sameen, and she wasn't sure about these people yet.

Joss nodded. "Okay Shaw, how is justice being served by committing the same act upon the person that we condemn them for? Real justice is making them pay for their crimes. Most murderers would welcome death over the alternative because their lives aren't their own anymore. They are stuck in a tiny jail cell with a bunch of other men or women. They are forced to sit in that cell and do nothing but think and decay. That's real justice. They are forced to be alone in their thoughts."

Shaw had to say she never really thought it of that way before. "I killed terrorists for a living, Carter."

"I know, but who we hunt down aren't terrorists, Shaw, and if you do come to work with us, and I sincerely hope so, you'll need to realize that distinction because I do not condone killing unless innocent human life is in grave danger and there is no other reasonable solution," Joss said gently as she walked side by side with the woman, growing close to the precinct, coffees still in hand. She let it sink into Shaw's mind for a moment. "But enough about that, it's entirely up to you to come help us or not. And since you said that's not why you are here, why are you here?" Joss asked.

Shaw was glad for Carter's reversal on topics. "I wanted to see if you are truthful about wanting to help because I need a name run into the system that you have access to," the woman said flatly.

Joss paused to eye Shaw directly. "Let me guess, an alias for this woman called Root?" she asked and Shaw nodded. "I have a little experience with her."

"Yea, she kidnapped your little four eyed friend." Shaw recalled her conversation with Harold at the library. He had given her the lead and she had been hunting the trail to find Root since.

Joss nodded. "Yes and somewhat traumatized him. But he's better. Give me her alias's name that you have and I'll see what I can dig up for you."

Shaw eyed her suspiciously. "That's it, nothing else?"

"That's it. I offered my help and you are requesting it," Joss agreed with a smile.

"So you'll get me info and I am free to do whatever I want with it, without owing a favor?" Shaw asked in obvious disbelief. "Everyone always wants something in return."

Joss shook her head. "Shaw, when we helped save you and faked your death we didn't want anything in return then, I don't want anything in return now. So give me the name," Joss ordered. "I need to get going or my partner is going to be pissed his coffee is cold."

Shaw eyed her before reaching into her pocket, tugging out a scrap piece of paper and handed it to her. Joss smiled as she took the slip of paper with her fingers as her hands were full. "See that wasn't hard, you got a number I can call to get back to you, Shaw?"

"I'll come by later," Shaw said before turning and stalking away.

Joss turned and walked towards the steps of the precinct already imagining the bitching she was going to receive from Fusco for being late with his latte. 

* * *

He should just stay in the shadows. Why was he allowing what Joss said to get to him? There was no way the boy wanted to see him. John was just a reminder of what the kid lost: his brother. Sure he got justice for Darren and his brother but still seeing him again would just dredge up that painful memory. But even though his mind twisted the circumstances to suit his growing desire to flee, his feet remained rooted where they were. Because what if Joss was right?—what if Darren did want to see him and he was remaining in the shadows out of a misguided illusion that it was best for the boy? John fidgeted a little as he shifted on his feet waiting, for the young boy to round the corner as he typically did when he walked home from school. The charter school wasn't that far away from the foster home he placed Darren in.

His searching gaze sharply moved when he caught sight of movement near the intersecting sidewalks and watched the young boy round the brown bricked building. Darren looked properly dressed and well fed, like usual. Those were what he looked for first, to make sure he wasn't being abused and he relaxed seeing signs of happiness and development. Darren had grown several inches since the last time he had come to make sure he was alright. He was going to grow like a weed he suspected.

Darren was walking down the street with the case obvious holding his trumpet and a book bag slung onto his shoulder. And John slowly slid from the shadows drawing the boy's attention up. Darren smiled immediately.

"Hey yo, man, I gave up on believin' I'd see you again," Darren said enthusiastically. Maybe Joss was right, the kid was hoping to see him again.

John slowly smiled. "I'm always around. How's school going?" he asked softly as he walked with the boy towards his home.

"Good as school can go," he muttered. "I made the honor roll, not dat it's a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Darren, you should be proud of yourself," John encouraged and the kid ducked his head, but he didn't miss Darren's smile at the praise.

They walked slowly to where he placed the child. Darren turned to face him directly. "Come on in, lemme show ya around."

"I can't. I just came to see how you were doing, make sure you alright, and just as I helped you, there's others I need to go help," John said softly. He and Harold were busy working a new number, but he made the stop today while his number was busy at work.

Darren nodded. "A'ight, before you go, man, can I go get you somethin'?" he asked hopefully, but John furrowed his brows.

"You have something for me?"

The boy nodded. "Don't go nowhere, I'll be right back, man," Darren called as he turned and ran up the stoop to the townhome he was living at. John waited for the child to come back as he looked around. He wasn't sure what the kid was going to give him but he wasn't going to deny the boy a chance to give it. The kid was back in a flash minus his gear looking relieved he was still there.

Darren handed him two tickets. John eyed him perplexed. "I was given tickets to share family and friends to come hear me play in my school's recital and I wanna invite ya." Darren admitted.

John stared at the young boy. "You want me to come?"

"Yea, you can even bring you're old lady too," Darren suggested.

John eyed the boy with a smile. "And how do you know I have an old lady?" he asked. Not that he considered Joss in such a way. What they were doing wasn't what the kid meant.

"Oh COME ON, don't play me like dat! I saw how you were looking at that super foine cop. She was diggin' ya too," Darren said laughing. "As long as she treats ya right, she and I won't have a problem."

John chuckled softly. "I'll have to tell her you said that."

"So I was right! Yo man, you are da man." Darren held out his hand for a high-five. John sighed as he smacked his hand.

"Darren a piece of advice: treat women with respect."

Darren sobered up. "I hear ya, I will. Someday imma gonna be just like you, Reese. Imma gonna help people n' have a straight up fine lady that imma gonna give da world too. Just like you."

"Darren, behave yourself, and I'll be seeing you soon." he patted the kid on his shoulder but was surprised when the kid who was standoffish rushed him and hugged him. John swallowed hard as he slid an arm around him to embrace the young boy.

"Thanks for comin' around Reese. I'll be seein' you." he said sincerely before pulling back from the hug. John kept a tight lock on his emotions as he saw and waved to the woman, Patricia Harding, who he and Harold had placed Darren with open the door and call for Darren.

She smiled at him and waved back. "You want to come inside and have dinner with us? I'm making Darren's favorite: Mac and Cheese." Mrs. Harding asked. Darren paused and turned to look at him so hopefully and wishfully that John didn't have the heart to say no.

"Sure, I have to make a call first." he said.

Darren's face lit up. "Take your time Reese, no hurry. Shit, I have to clean my room," Darren cried as he stormed up the steps of the stoop.

"Darren, we talked about the swearing," the woman sighed.

"Imma sorry, Ms Patricia, it slipped," he apologized immediately before running into their place.

Mrs. Harding smiled. "I never saw him so excited to go clean his room before. Just come on inside when you're ready, dinner will be ready in about a hour." she said before turning and entering the home.

John tugged his cell phone out and called Lionel. "What do you want wonder-boy?—you need me to go stalk your wannabe girlfriend some more. How about you stop trying to push Carter down on the playground or pull her pigtails and just ask her out already," Lionel said with laughter. "Carter has a soft heart, she might give ya a pity date."

"Lionel, I have a job for you that even you can't mess up," he growled not finding anything Fusco said hilarious.

"What?"

"I need you keep watch on a waitress who moonlights as a struggling musician, her name is Georgie Weston and her stage name is Lady in White."

"Geez, with a stage name like that it ain't a wonder why she's struggling."

"You haven't heard her either, whatever auto-tune is, it needs to go, but we aren't trying to save her failing music career, Lionel we are trying to save her life. Keep an eye on her agent, he seems seedy."

"Stalking your boss and Carter so you can't do your own job?" Lionel asked with a snicker.

"Actually I'm having dinner with Darren, so keep me posted." he countered.

Lionel softened. "Tell the kid I said hi."

"Sure Lionel, I'll just tell him that cop that got shot in the ass says hello," John agreed and heard Lionel curse him before he hung up. 

* * *

"Shaw reached out to me this morning." Joss admitted as she and John sat together on her couch with her legs stretched out onto his lap. John was giving her the world's best foot massage. They had been quietly sitting on her couch for nearly two hours just talking while he rubbed her feet. He started with her right foot first and he rubbed with his talented fingers and palms for an hour before moving onto her other foot. Joss felt languid and relaxed, kind of sleepy.

He looked up at her as he rubbed her instep. "She did? Does she need help of some kind?"

"She wanted me to look into one of Root's aliases. Shaw is looking for blood with that woman."

"Don't blame her, look at what she did to Harold." John murmured. Joss nodded as she sipped her glass of wine. She held it out to John who took it and sipped some and handed her it back. He went back to massaging her foot. "Did she say anything about our offer?" he wondered.

Joss pointed at him. "Mmmhmm," she murmured as she sipped and swallowed. "She's not ready yet John, I think I did a pretty good job of selling it to her though," she said and he nodded.

"Can't say I'm surprised as she didn't seem all that receptive to me showing up at Cole's parents place," he commented.

Joss wasn't about to tell him what Shaw told her or the fact that she found the bug that the little imp put in her pocket. She had found it when she was cleaning up her room earlier in the evening. At least one thing she could take some happiness in was that Shaw didn't actually see her and John together, she just heard them. But thinking about cleaning reminded her that John had been noticeably absent for a good couple hours.

"So where were you this evening?" she wondered. She had been hoping to catch dinner together, share some conversation, and then make love. Well at least she was going to get two of the three but she was a little worried he didn't get any dinner in. John didn't do necessities well.

"Helped Lionel finish up a case. Georgie Weston's agent was going to kill her. When will people stop doing interoffice romance, it never works out," he muttered.

She smiled as she sat forward, putting her wine down on the coffee-table before sliding onto his lap. "Aren't we an interoffice romance, I mean we do work together on the numbers with Harold? And I think we are working out alright," she said as she kissed him briefly on his chin, jaw, and lips.

John smiled as he leaned back. "We work because we aren't putting labels to it and we are just having sex, Joss," he said. Joss didn't bat an eye. Let him believe that, she got to be with him.

"So the agent wanted to kill her because she was moving on with her life and he just couldn't stand it," she said.

"Something like that," he murmured as he grabbed her hips. "Oh and I got something for us." He let her hip go to reach and managed to work his hand into his pants pocket before drawing out two tickets. She eyed them barely resisting rotating her hips against him as he pressed himself more firmly into her intimately.

"Before I went to help Lionel keep Miss Weston safe I spent a couple hours with Darren. He gave me tickets to go see his school's recital. I guess they do it once a year and they have been practicing for it for a while now. If you don't want to go with me I understand but…" Joss settled her lips on his shushing him and kissed him thoroughly before she managed to pull back.

"I'm so happy you decided to go see him. I bet he was really happy," Joss said misty eyed before leaning forward kissing him again. He sighed into the kiss before she pushed free. "I'm sorry I forgot to tell you: yes, I'd love to go with you to see his musical recital," Joss said happily and leaned forward to kiss him again but he pulled back before she could capture those delicious lips of his.

"He also said you were fine," John added.

Joss grinned. "I didn't think he even remembered me."

"Who could forget you?" he wondered. "But I agree with the kid, you are so fine," he whispered as he slid his hands around her and cupped her butt.

She smiled. "You're not so bad yourself John," she whispered between kisses before she sucked at his neck where his pulse was starting to race.

John sighed as he grabbed her firmly, lifting, making her wrap her arms and legs around him. He carried her to her stairs. "Oh Darren also said that you better treat me right," he said softly as he carried her upstairs to her bedroom.

She leaned back. "Oh yea?" she cocked a brow up.

He nodded. "Yea," he agreed and she unfurled her legs from around his hips as he carried her near her bed. Joss landed on her feet and pushed him onto the bed and he settled on it with a slight bounce. She grinned as she rubbed his thighs.

"Well I'm definitely up for the challenge," Joss murmured as she brushed his groin making him sigh. "I'm going to show you just how good I can treat you, John," as she tantalizingly rubbed him through his pants feeling him get firmer under her touch.

He reached out to grab her. "Come here," he complained and she smirked as she pushed his hand away and put her hands on her hips.

"Undress to your underwear and then lay on your stomach," she demanded. He blinked in surprise. "You gave me an amazing foot massage, well I'm going to do you one better: I'm giving you a 'Joss Carter Massage.' It should be world famous but I only do private clientele," she said with a quick wiggle of the brows.

He struggled not laugh at the title that she was so proud of. "What does a Joss Carter Massage entail?"

"Everything a normal massage entails just better," she said smugly. Joss had the right oils to give him an amazing one and she wanted to give him a massage since they started this thing together but never could find a way to get to. Now the opportunity presented itself.

"Either you are cocky for a reason or you're just all hot air, Joss."

She grinned. "Undress and roll over and you'll find out," she assured him. "But I hope you don't mind your masseuse, which is me, completely naked."

He groaned. "I doubt the massage will relax me any knowing you're naked."

"Okay, stop upping the challenge John, now you're doubling down! I can guarantee a Joss Carter Massage will relax you."

He snorted. He doubted it because all he was going to think about was the naked woman straddling him. "If you can somehow manage that feat I'll join you in one of your bubble baths you have been pestering me about," he challenged. He adamantly refused a bubble bath; there was no way in hell he was sitting in a bathtub with bubbles.

Now things were getting interesting. "Ah, now you shouldn't have done that because you, my friend, are going to be so relaxed after my massage you won't even know I'm making love to you afterwards. That bubble bath is mine," she rubbed her hands gleefully. She wanted John in her bathtub so badly she could taste it. He just didn't get that it could be romantic.

He undid his shirt and eyed her. "And what do I get if your Joss Carter Massage isn't all that you're hyping it to be?"

She laughed. "Fat chance I'm losing this but if you somehow manage to resist seeping into utter relaxation and nearly boneless I'll do anything you want me too."

He cocked a brow. "That sure of yourself because that is an offer I can't refuse?" he purred as he stood up after tugging his undershirt off and started undoing his pants. His cock was already hard and they haven't even touched yet.

"I'm that sure of myself,"she agreed as she held out her hand to seal the deal. John felt a momentarily lapse in his confidence at how confident she seemed. But he took her hand and shook on it. "So while I'm massaging you into heaven, just think about either lavender vanilla or raspberry bubble bath because those are your two choices for when you join me in my bath." she said cheekily.

He faltered as he toed off his shoes and socks and pushed his pants down. Joss undressed quickly and he groaned as she stood as she claimed: naked. John licked his lips as his eyes settled between her legs. "How about we settle this bet some other time I have something else I want more than a massage?"

Joss grinned. "Nope, bet is on, we shook on it, unless, of course, you're forfeiting so you can get your hot mouth on my pussy," she teased as she ran a hand down her body and stroked herself in front of him and moaned his name. "Mmm, I am wet and ready for you."

John trembled as he struggled to calm himself. "You don't play fair," he whispered hoarsely.

She giggled as she winked at him. "I never said I did."

"I never run away from a challenge, Joss."

"Then you better lay down John, so we can settle this once and for all."

John did as she suggested, carefully. Maybe he should just forfeit because as soon as she grabbed whatever oils or lotions she wanted to use, she straddled him and he knew this was going to be some new form of foreplay that he never experienced before. But the moment she put her hands on his shoulders all thought of ending this faded because her hands were amazing.

Joss grinned as she sat on his butt and rubbed his tense shoulders hearing the contented moan as she kneaded his tight knots and muscles. "So I take it you're not forfeiting?" she asked softly.

"Hmmm?"

She grinned happily. "Got you." she whispered to no one but herself as she got lost in massaging every single inch of John.

* * *

AN: Sorry no smut. Can't let smut overtake this story! Next chapter Donnelly comes back throwing a monkey wrench into things. I guess you guys sort of know where this is going but there is a twist (what fun would it be without one) and next chapter is not where shit hits the fan it's setting up for the shit hitting the fan :D

Thanks for reading!


	33. Chapter 33

Joss grinned evilly as she texted John a serious of pictures of her extensive collection of bath salts, candles, and bottles of wine she had at her place that he could choose from for their bubble bath excursion. She had won it fair and square, she was planning for two weeks from now. Her son would be home from his friend's place Monday afternoon and this coming weekend he was going to be home, and then the following one he was spending time with his grandma. That would be perfect for them.

She entered the precinct with an extra spring in her step. She tugged off her gray suit blazer and lobbed it on the back of her desk chair and slid her holster with her piece in the large bottom drawer. Joss unhurriedly walked to the pot of coffee sitting on the table in the middle of the bullpen. Joss headed back to her desk to do some paperwork when her cell rang. She grinned grabbing it, hoping it was John and was surprised to see it was Paul. She hesitantly answered.

"Hello," she greeted slowly.

"Hey Joss, it's…uh…Paul," he said equally slowly.

Joss slid into her desk chair as awkward silence hung between them. "So you good?" she asked in genuine interest. She didn't hate Paul she just didn't love him anymore.

"I'm better."

She smiled. "Good, I'm glad."

"How about you Joss?—how are you?"

"I'm good. I'm happy now."

"I'm glad." he said and sounded it. Joss felt the conversation stilted but at least it was better than the last attempt. "Joss…"

"Yes, Paul?"

"I was hoping to have Taylor over for an overnight visit. I know it's asking a lot of you after everything I put you and our boy through but I'm better now. My sponsor can testify to it. I got a job as a janitor in an office building which pays nice, I got a nice place with a spare bedroom for Taylor, and I'm seeing someone. She's a good woman, her name is Caroline Jessup. Caroline is a veterinarian and has a son from a previous marriage herself. You can do a background check on her if you want to make sure she's who she says she is, but Caroline is really excited to meet Taylor."

Joss sat and listened to Paul ramble. "Are you happy with her?" she asked. Paul was her past but she did want him happy, he was, after all, Taylor's father.

"Yea, Joss, I am. I know it doesn't make up for what happened, but I am sorry for what I did to you, said to you. You didn't deserve those things I did or said. You're a wonderful mother to our son and you tried to help me when I didn't want to help myself."

"It's okay, I'm better now too. Happier, you're not the only one seeing someone," Joss said with a smile as she conjured John up.

"I'm glad," and he sounded sincere. "You deserve happiness, Joss, and if this guy makes you happy than that's all that matters."

"His name is John."

Paul chuckled. "The same John that Taylor goes on about when we see each other at lunch or talk on the phone?"

"Yep, that John," she agreed with a soft laugh. "Taylor has been hoping John and I would start dating, but we haven't told him yet. John and I wanted to feel it out first before we brought Taylor in on the fact."

"I hear that. I did the same thing with Caroline. But this 'John,' he sounds like a good man, if our son's instincts are as good as his mom's."

"They are," Joss agreed and the more they talked the less stilted and awkward the conversation became. Talking about John and Caroline was a nice icebreaker between them. "About Taylor….I'll have to talk to him. He's not a baby anymore and if he so wishes it I will go to court and have the restrictions lifted for you. But Paul I do need to see your sponsor's documentation. I'm sorry, but I have to protect our son and as much as I believe you…"

"You have a seed of doubt. Don't say any more Joss, I understand. I hurt you. And I am more than happy to prove to you that I have changed, that you can trust me with our son again. I love our son and I want to see more of him. He's who truly helped me through my darkest days, knowing at the end of that tunnel I'd get to see him again."

"Good, because Taylor is what got me through mine too, Paul. Send me the sponsor's documentation through email and once I look it over and talk to our son and he agrees, I'll lift your visitation restrictions," she said, feeling like they were on the cusp of a new beginning for them both, and it might be on different paths than either her and Paul dreamt of when they first got married, but it was a better future. Maybe their love for each other was a stepping stone to finding their true soulmates. Her momma always said: when one door closes another one opens. And she might have had to pick the lock on John's metaphorical door and push her way in the small crack he left ajar, but without a doubt John was worth the effort and then some.

"Thank you Joss, so very much," Paul said, drawing her thoughts back to the conversation at hand.

"Don't thank me, be proud of turning your life around, Paul. You did all the hard work to get your relationship with our son back, not me. I'll talk to you soon," she said.

"Alright, talk to you later, Joss."

They hung up and as she pocketed her cell. Once more she was struck at the fact that they finally had a productive conversation. Paul and she hadn't had a good conversation like that since before their marriage had taken a crapper. "Detective Carter," Joss looked up as Donnelly burst through the bullpen's double doors and marched his way straight towards her. Just great, this is not what she wanted as her good mood took a nosedive. "Carter, we need to talk privately," he said as he stepped before her, eyes glancing around the precinct.

She nodded. "This way," she motioned with her head, grabbing her Styrofoam cup of coffee and stood up. Joss quietly led him to one of the interrogation rooms that was free, opened the door for him and then entered right behind him. "What's up, Donnelly?" she asked sipping her coffee.

Donnelly nodded. "Since HR has been degraded down to irrelevance by the FBI with the string of arrests I am shifting priorities back to the man in the suit. He's still out there and you still want to catch him?" he said in a way of question.

"Yes of course," she immediately lied. This was what she was worried about, that Donnelly would refocus his attention on John again. It had only been a matter of time but it had been nice not having to worry about the FBI breathing down John's neck.

"Good, we have some new information including who he is working for. The bureau has been tracking the emergence of private intelligence networks like the CIA or MI-6 but for profit. We think the biggest of these organizations have Chinese backing, they got technology and serious resources and have been buying up talent; for instance we think Mark Snow, the CIA agent that contacted you may also have been recruited, possibly by the man in the suit."

"Really, Snow?" she said disbelievingly. Joss couldn't believe these theories that people came up with for John. Geez what next: the main the suit is an alien from outer space wanting to vaporize the human race?—she chortled to herself, silently reminding herself to give John that line. It would give John a good hearty laugh.

"Makes sense," Donnelly stated. Joss was proud of herself for not laughing. "Snow was sent to find this man by the CIA, Snow catches him and then the man in the suit flips him, gets Snow to be his asset," Donnelly said as if that made complete sense. And probably to him it did, but to her, knowing everything she did about John and Snow, it was ludicrous.

She nodded hiding her look behind her coffee cup, taking a sip. "I see," she said after a moment.

"Listen Carter I want to bring you in on this but it's classified so I have been authorized to grant you temporary assignment to the bureau. And I know with your skills it will soon become permanent, but the sooner you're on board the sooner I can bring you in. So please think about it," he told her.

"I will, thank you," she assured him and there wasn't anything to think about because she needed to get whatever information Donnelly had on John. Donnelly nodded and grabbed the doorknob and exited. Joss was left to watch him as he walked away, tugging out her cell phone and immediately calling John. 

* * *

John glowered at the text messages he got from a gloating Joss as she won the bet and had plans of a soothing bath next weekend while her son was out with his grandma. He scowled at the text with pics of the different bath salts, candles, and bubble bath he got to choose from. John had never seen the smug and gloating side of Joss before, it was sexy. Which was absurd, who in their right mind would get hot and bothered by cockiness?—but he was, Joss made anything she did sexy, from arguing with him to breathing. But she won fair and square so he did owe her that bubble bath, at least she was allowing him a chance to choose.

"Good morning Mr. Reese," Finch greeted as John stalked down the long corridor to head to the hub of their HQ, carrying his coffee and the tea in one hand as he pocketed his phone.

"Good morning, Finch," he greeted in return. Harold didn't comment on the fact that it seemed John was in a foul mood this morning, judging by the frown on his face. John handed him his tea and eyed the pane. "New number," he muttered, eyeing the photograph.

Harold nodded. "Her name is Michaela Kerchner: she's an unpaid intern to RYSCM Inc., they are a pharmaceutical company."

"Why would her number be up?" John asked.

Finch looked away from the article he was reading and up at John. "Mr. Reese, she's a whistleblower. RYSCM's president, a Mr. Samuel P. Tausch, is currently being investigated for embezzlement and fraud."

"And I don't believe in coincidences, there is no way her number coming up doesn't coincide with the fact that she is a whistleblower," he explained.

"I concur, Mr. Reese. It's safe to assume Mr. Tausch, who is being investigated, could very well be behind the reason her number is coming up. Evidence is circumstantial but from my understanding Miss Kerchner worked directly with him."

John nodded. "If they want her gone so she can't testify then they need to make it look clean, whoever is behind her number coming up is going to hire a professional. First I'll go get eyes and ears on Miss Kerchner and make sure she is safe. Then I have some contacts that could let me know if they heard of anyone in the market for a professional assassin. I might be able to get a name."

Harold agreed. "While you do that I am going to hack Miss Kerchner's Facebook and Twitter accounts and try to glean anything from there."

John turned on his heels when his cell rang. He tugged it out seeing it was Joss before he answered it. "I never knew this side of you it's kind of sexy," he murmured quietly so Harold couldn't hear as he walked back the way he had come in.

"John we need to talk," she said urgently. "We need to meet somewhere."

"Carter, I can't, I just received a new number who might be in some serious danger."

"John it can't wait. Please, it's important."

He frowned. She sounded upset and more than a little urgent. He turned to look at Finch. "Harold, can you go get eyes and ears on our new number?—Carter says we need to meet."

Finch nodded. "Yes, of course, maybe the detective has new information on Mr. Snow."

John nodded. That was what he was thinking too. He turned and continued for the exit of the library putting the phone back to his ear. "Where?" he asked.

"Meet me near the encampment," she said and hung up on him. John pocketed his phone and tried not to worry but Joss was acting weird. She knew of the importance of their work and generally whenever she needed to talk to him, it waited until later. He hurried to his car and sped off.

John arrived at the encampment and found Joss speaking to Joan on the sidewalk. It appeared like Joan was out for a stroll as she had her cart with her and had some food. He climbed out. "Hey John, was wondering when you'd show up." Joan greeted with a large smile. "Your girlfriend is in need of some calming. She's twisting me in knots with her pacing."

"Joan…" he sighed slowly.

Joan held her hands up before grabbing the handle of the cart. "Sorry forgot you and Joss aren't like that. My bad." Joan said before looking directly at Joss. "See you around, Not John's Girlfriend," Joan cackled before pushing the cart forward.

Joss turned to look at him. "Well I've been sort of upgraded from cop lady to 'not John's girlfriend,'" she said with a light laugh.

John scowled as he turned to look at Joan's retreating form. "That's because Joan enjoys giving nicknames to people she likes."

"She likes you and doesn't have a nickname for you," Joss pointed out.

John shifted his gaze back to her and smiled softly. "I had one," he said.

"Really?—what was it?"

"Joan used to call me Grumps until she got tired of it and pestered me for my name," he said with a fond smile at the memory. Joss chuckled as she shook her head. Of course Joan would call him 'Grumps,' before the smile slid from her face as the reason she needed to see him out here came to mind once more.

"What's the matter Joss?" he asked softly.

She looked around. "Let's sit in my car," she suggested. He shrugged and followed her there and climbed inside. "Donnelly paid me a visit. John, he's hot for the man in the suit again."

"Oh…"

"Can you say it like it actually bothers you!" she demanded. "He's FBI, he's good, and this time I have a bad feeling. He's adamant about catching you."

John nodded. "I'll be on the lookout," he said trying to appease her. But he didn't view the numerous task forces in his name as threats, not the same way she did.

"I need you to lay low," she countered. "Let Fusco, Finch, and I work these numbers for a little while. John, he has a new theory."

"I was sort of partial to the Elias one," he deadpanned.

"Take this seriously," she snapped and John turned to eye her, startled. He didn't realize she was so rattled by Donnelly coming back looking for him. Joss closed her eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them to peer at him. "I'm sorry, but I am trying to protect you and I need some assistance from you to do that. Can you handle that?"

John touched her hand gently and she immediately laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry, Joss, for upsetting you. Tell me what his new theory is," he said starting over.

"He thinks you work for a private intelligence organization that has Chinese backing looking for talent and Donnelly thinks they got their hooks into you. Donnelly also thinks you flipped Snow since Snow went MIA."

John nodded. "At least this is a better theory this time around," he mumbled. And from appearances he could see why Donnelly thought that about him. Agent Donnelly had no idea what he truly did and he couldn't very well explain it. What Finch and he did wasn't exactly legal.

"John you need to lay low," Joss stated again.

"You know I can't do that."

"Yes you can. We can work the numbers for a little bit. I don't want you arrested,John," she argued. John just needed to hide out for a little while, maybe they could figure out a way to throw Donnelly off his trail like they did with Snow.

"Thanks for letting me know about the new theory but I have a number to work, Joss."

"John, please," Joss started and he leaned over and brushed his lips against hers in the softest caress that she melted at. She reached out to touch his face as she deepened the kiss.

He pulled back after a few minutes but just enough so their eyes could meet. "I know you are worried. But it'll be fine," he said and punctuated his statement with a warm but brief kiss before leaning back fully.

"You can't promise that, John."

"No I can't. But you can't promise if I lay low for a while that Donnelly will just give up either," he pointed out.

She curled her fingers around his when he went to leave. She stared into his eyes. "I don't want to lose you to Rikers or worse. John, Donnelly wants to catch you but they won't hesitate to shoot you if you don't cooperate. They don't understand you," she whispered.

"Joss, it's a risk that we have to be willing to take. I can't just stop working the numbers, this is my purpose," he said gently.

"I know." She looked down unable to look him in the eyes. This was her fault.

John lifted his free hand up to lay his index finger under her chin forcing her gaze back to his gently. "Joss, please stop blaming yourself for this. It is not your fault that no one understands who and what I am," he murmured, brushing his lips against hers one last time before grabbing the door handle and opening it. "I'm not sure how long this number will be, so we might not be able to do dinner tonight."

She merely nodded, mutely. John eyed her and sighed. He realized none of his words soothed her and had no idea how to do so. He couldn't stop working the numbers to go run and hide. It just wasn't him. "Joss, remember when I worked your number and you told me that you couldn't go into hiding because it wasn't you. Well it's not me either." he said and with that he climbed out of her car and gently shut the door, and walked to his car. 

* * *

It was a long day and as it went on the more aggravated Joss became. John hadn't listened to her. Then he had the audacity to ask her for help on his recent case after a hitman tried to murder some woman named, Michaela Kerchner, but was unsuccessful thanks to John. And that she did, she escorted the shaking Kerchner to the safe location, but did so after a firm lecture to John about keeping his nose down and face hidden. She was stressed and worried. He was going to owe her for causing her to go gray too early. Her cell rang. She tugged it out and frowned when it was Donnelly's number, she swallowed hard as she answered it.

"Carter," she said trying to sound fine.

"Carter, it is Donnelly and I need to see you immediately," he said urgently.

Joss looked around the precinct before leaning her elbows on her desk. "Where?" she asked.

"Come to the Flatiron Building. I'll be waiting for you in an SUV. Be here as soon as possible," Donnelly stipulated.

"Alright," she agreed and hung up with him. She grabbed her piece, tugged her blazer on, and pocketed her cell. "Fusco, I need to go," she said when he looked up from his computer.

"You okay?" Fusco wondered with a keen eye. She looked upset.

"Not really, Donnelly is back and has some news, that means it's not good for our mutual friend," she explained.

Fusco nodded. "I'll help Glasses and Mr. Happy if they call."

"Thanks," and with that she turned and hurried for the exit. She ran through every conceivable reason for why Donnelly needed to see her so late. She had worried herself sick to the point of texting John for a response and breathed in a heavy sigh of relief when he responded. Well at least it wasn't to tell her that he caught the man in the suit.

Joss pulled up on 23rd Street to the intersection where the Flatiron Building stood tall. She parked curbside and saw a SUV sitting, engine on, across the street from it. She saw Donnelly seated in the driver's side alone, so she waited for the light and hurried across the street. Joss opened the passenger side door and climbed in beside Donnelly.

"Can I have your phone?" Donnelly requested immediately.

She eyed him before tugging it out. "What's going on Donnelly?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, but I think the organization that our man works for has some serious sophisticated abilities," he admitted. Donnelly didn't know the half of it. Joss quietly watched as he removed her cell's backing.

"Like wiretapping cops. Has something happened?" Joss asked fearful.

Donnelly looked up and smiled. "I think we've got our break."

"What?" she asked feeling her heart begin to pound, oh god, she needed to know so she could help John hide.

"Before I can let you in on that I have to know that you accept the temporary reassignment to the bureau?" Donnelly said. "This case is classified, Carter."

"Yes, I agree to it."

"Good, you won't regret it. So we've been tracking this man in the suit for months now, every time we get close he slips out right from under us as if he has some guardian angel. That night at the hotel we were so close, Carter, only to lose him. Since that happened all I have looked for is a lead, any lead, and as I studied the tapes I realized: he's in constant communication with his handlers."

"I thought of that. Cross checked crime scenes he was reported at and cell tower logs came up with nothing," Joss said.

"Exactly, nothing. Our engineers at Quantico analyzed the cell tower traffic from that night he gave us the slip downtown in that hotel, under the wireless and radio noise they found short bursts of a cloned IMEI with a unique signature. I tasked an FBI computer cluster to search for that signature and 4 hours ago the cluster came online and spotted another burst of cloned IMEIs at the exact time and location of a shooting scene with a man who had his kneecap blown out. It's him. I got SWAT teams standing by, if he uses that phone we'll have him."

Joss tried to smile. "Good, I've been trying to catch the pain in ass for a while now. We'll bring him in together."

Donnelly smiled. "Agreed, we'll get the man in the suit together."

"Call me day or night if you get a lead," she said immediately.

"I will. Thanks, Carter," Donnelly said graciously.

Joss nodded and climbed out of the car and walked away. She didn't pull out her cell phone until she was in her car and have driven away from the meeting with Donnelly before texting John to not accept Finch's calls and to meet her at the Brooklyn Bridge Park. Joss drove there immediately with one firm thought in mind: they were in deep shit.

* * *

AN: Da da dummmmmmmmmmm. Okay seriously though I know I'm twisting the POIverse in so many ways but I have enjoyed it immensely. Hope you guys are too. I'll try to post chapter 34 really quick as it kind of goes along with this chapter.

Thanks for reading!


	34. Chapter 34

_**AN: Okay so in my story the timeframe is all screwed up so events that are taking place are taking place in a little warmer weather than the show's did. I bet Taraji and Jim would have preferred to have shot this stuff talked about in this chapter in warmer weather. I still remember the gag reel with Taraji teasing 'Jesus' about turning up the heat :D**_

* * *

Joss stood waiting for John to emerge out of the shadows as he so often did, just staring out at the ocean with the glittering lights from the stars, moon, and hustle and bustle from New York's night life mirroring off the water's surface. It was nearing the end of summer and fall was fast approaching. Joss couldn't believe how long ago she met John, going on six months now, but it felt like she's known him forever. Felt like she had been in love with him forever.

"Looking for someone?" Joss closed her eyes as his soft voice broke the silence that was wrapped around her besides the sound of cars and the water crashing on the shoreline from below.

She reopened her eyes. "No one in particular." she thought she heard his chuckle.

They stood together staring out at the water. Her eyes misted as her gaze was drawn to the bridge where six months ago, had they not met that fateful night where those punks were trying to kill her, he would have killed himself. She would never have gotten to know what a truly wonderful man he was, never gotten a chance at love again. Because she realized at some point with certain clarity that John was her soulmate, her other half, and she was sure if he wasn't alive today she would feel the emptiness to her life without him. The tears that were looming to fall, fell, as her gaze remained on the bridge that could have easily taken what she loved from her had fate not intervened. She wouldn't ever tell John that she came here often while he was working and thank god for letting her detour John's journey that night.

Joss turned to look away and they fell into step together. She kept her eyes down watching the pavement so he would not see the emotions that swirled in her. If he did she was afraid he would end the thing that they started between them. Because he would most certainly know that she had already placed labels on what they were doing, that she had already fallen in love with him.

"Kerchner safe?" she asked gently.

"For now, Harold is in the process of following the money trail to find out who hired the assassin even though we already believe it is Tausch. Once we have that evidence we are going to send in Fusco for the arrest. But what's going on Joss?—why shouldn't I answer any of Finch's calls?" he asked. It had surprised him, worrying him for Finch's safety but he heeded her advice. He needed to know what was going on.

"Donnelly is going to use Finch to track you down. I guess Finch's calls he is cloning IMEI with an unique signature to keep what you do private, but Donnelly figured it out and is searching for that unique signature. The moment Finch uses it to call you and you answer: Donnelly is going to use it to track you down. Finch needs to change that IMEI signature before you two can contact each other again via cell so Donnelly can't find you using it."

John nodded. "Alright, I'll let Finch know in person."

She nodded mutely. "Be careful," she whispered thickly. "He's getting close. And he wants to find you, John," she said and he watched her. If he didn't know any better he would say she was crying. "I don't want anything to happen to you." she added softly, he nearly had to strain to hear her.

They both froze when they heard the telling sound of a hammer being drawn back on a gun. John instinctively made an attempt to step in front of Joss to shield her before whipping his gaze up, and saw Donnelly standing there holding them at gunpoint.

"Congratulations Carter you helped me catch the man in the suit," Donnelly said coldly before turning eyes on John. "Hands in the air!" Donnelly commanded and John slowly did as told. He was running through his options but none of them were good for Joss. She was seen by Donnelly in his presence, who clearly listened in on them.

"It's over John." she said in a defeated posture pulling her gun out of the holster, placing it on the ground while John kept his hands up. God, this was all her fault. John wouldn't be getting arrested if she never forced this purpose on him but she couldn't say she would change anything. Because there was no guarantee she would have ever gotten John out of the encampment, gotten to be with John if she hadn't.

"Got your bracelets Carter, put them on your friend here. See, I told you we'd catch him. But I'm afraid it's your last collar you'll ever make," Donnelly said as he kept the gun pointed at John but tugged out his own handcuffs and she turned to let him arrest her. Donnelly eyed John, mistrusting but saw he wasn't a threat of fleeing. Donnelly wondered if he wasn't willing to leave without Carter, so he lowered his weapon and focused on cuffing Carter. "I trusted you, Carter, and you threw it away along with a promising career." Donnelly didn't know who to trust anymore. Anyone could be in this man's employer's pocket.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault," John whispered.

Joss eyed him, wanting to tell him everything that she kept quiet about. That she loved him and that she would not change a single moment of these last several months together. She wouldn't change anything.

"Actually, John, it's not. But it doesn't matter because now I am going to find out exactly who you are," Donnelly said before grabbing her gun on the ground, then motioning for them to walk before him. "Don't make any sudden moves, keep walking, and there is an SUV parked just ahead." he said.

John and Joss walked side by side, he kept his eyes off Joss. He wanted to protect her from this but there was no way out for her. He just got Joss arrested…her career, her son that meant everything to her was going to be taken from her because of him.

Donnelly opened the backseat door and motioned for him to turn around. "Please, I don't want to kill you, but I will if you make any move that I don't like," he told him. John merely nodded as the cuffs were taken off his right hand as he climbed in and then were cuffed to the front seat's seatbelt loop. Donnelly slammed the door shut before ushering Joss onto the other side and did the same thing.

Donnelly climbed in and placed Carter's gun in the seat beside him and drove off. "Where are you taking us?" Joss asked softly.

"I'm taking you both to a safe house where I'll contact a friend at Justice and figure out how to proceed with your prosecution," Donnelly said as he drove, feeling on edge with the man in the suit in his backseat. This guy was slippery and he needed to keep his eyes peeled for anything. He couldn't lose this guy again.

"No back up, going it alone, huh?" Joss said. She was nervous and felt better talking. John meanwhile was silent as ever.

"Well Carter I don't know who to trust anymore. I thought I could trust you but I couldn't," he replied bitterly. Joss looked down. It was true. She had used her position and his trust in her to help John but she wouldn't apologize for it. John wasn't what everyone thought he was.

"You're a good man and good agent, Donnelly," she murmured.

"Yea, well, the private intelligence organization this man works for might have moles in my own bureau. I have to go it alone. I just don't know who he could have in his pocket to help him slip out of this," Donnelly stated. It sounded to her like he was paranoid but she didn't say anything. "When the man in the—when John here, slipped away in that hotel that we had surrounded I knew we had a mole."

"And you suspected me," Joss said.

"Not at first. But I'm sure you never looked into my credentials, Carter, but I was one of the top profilers in Quantico. And I began noticing whenever I brought up the man in the suit with you, that you would have this look on your face. Like you knew him and were concerned for him. It was genuine. So I had to suspect the mole was you, hoped by telling you everything I did tonight that you wouldn't lead me straight to the man in the suit because I didn't want to believe that my hunch about you was correct. You were such a good and honorable cop, surely my instincts were wrong, but it turned out to be true, you led me right to the man in the suit—to John. How did he turn you, what was your price?" he demanded. What possibly was the price to make her throw away all her hard work?

She scoffed as tears threatened to well up, of course he figured it was money related. "No price, just helping….a friend, she hesitated because she wanted to call John what he truly was to her but couldn't. Not to Donnelly and not in front of John.

"Then you've been played for a fool, recruited as an asset for a private intelligence—"

She interrupted Donnelly, so sick to death of hearing everything that John was which was nothing but garbage. "You don't understand anything, Donnelly," she stated fiercely. "Everything you think about John is wrong. Everything everyone thinks about John is wrong. He's a good man, we're helping people…"

"Oh god is that what he told you? Wake up, Carter, your friend is nothing more or less than a highly trained murderer." Donnelly stated bluntly. Joss felt John shrink inward. "You don't wind up with that job by accident. He chose that, he chose to become the monster he is."

"He might have been a killer for our country but he's _not_ a monster. Paint him that way all you want, he'll always be better than what people credit him for. He'll always be better than what he credits himself for," she hissed hoping John was actually listening to her.

Donnelly shook his head. Carter actually believed her words. "Well he made his choice and now you have made up your choice too," Donnelly continued.

Joss lifted her head defiantly. "I'll always choose John," she felt John stiffen before Donnelly's cell rang. Joss turned to look at him. "John," she murmured gaining his attention. She saw the look in his eyes. "I'll always choose you no matter what."

"Joss," John whispered thickly.

"Who is this?" Donnelly demanded into his cell phone, drawing both hers and John's gaze forward, seeing them entering an intersection on a green light. "I'm not in any danger…" Donnelly started and ended abruptly and John turned when bright headlights were lighting the inside of the SUV from the right side. Joss looked and let out a silent scream as a small Mack truck T-boned them at a high rate of speed sending their SUV rolling.

Joss cried out as her body ping-ponged in the backseat with John who let out harsh grunts as he reached out with his un-cuffed hand trying to shield her face from flying glass. Her stomach churned as the SUV continued rolling up and over until careening into something hard snapping her head forward making her see stars.

John groaned in pain as his head swam, felt nicks and cuts from glass embedded in his skin. He opened his eyes, trying to figure out which way was up. They were upside down, his head was poking through the shattered backseat window. John dragged in ragged breaths, hoping like hell he didn't have a broken rib and it was only bruised.

"Joss, you okay?" he whispered groggily.

"John," her voice was faint.

John tried to blink away the black that was lacing his vision as he desperately tried to look at Joss but couldn't manage to twist the way he needed to. He heard heels smacking the pavement in the otherwise eerie quietness. Boots crossed into his line of vision.

"Sorry but you can't have him," a feminine voice assured. John felt his blood turn to ice. No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't be, she was dead.

Kara smiled at the FBI agent that had John. He was bleeding from a gash on his head and her smile remained in place as she aimed her silencer at him and shot him twice in the head. Kara stepped around the parked car the SUV slammed into and approached John. "Hello lover," she greeted as she got down to his level.

"Kara," he forced out.

She smiled. "Missed me?" she said before injecting him with the sedative. John fought to keep his eyes open but he couldn't fight it long. Kara's dark eyes looked to the other passenger, the pretty black woman, whose eyes were open but looked dazed. "We haven't been formally introduced." Kara murmured before straightening to look behind her. "Oh Mark, come here," she called as she armed the bomb vest. Snow immediately appeared at her side and she grinned as she disarmed it. "Good boy, get John and his girlfriend out of that car now."

Snow made a face. "Reese is heavy."

"And you can be blown to millions of useless pieces or you can get John out of the car. Choose wisely," she said as she toyed with her phone. Snow moved to do as he was told. "Ah, ah, what are you supposed to say, Mark?"

"Yes ma'am," he sneered. Snow moved to the dead agent and rifled through his pockets for the key to unlock the cuffs, leaving Kara to merely watch.

Once Snow unlocked Reese's cuff he dragged him out first. Kara smiled as she knelt down next to John's form. "It feels like the good ole' days, the three of us together again." she said with a laugh as she touched John's cheek before Snow flung the half conscious black woman on top of Reese. "Except with the minor twist," Kara said eyeing the woman who didn't even seem aware of her surroundings as she laid on top of Reese.

"John," the woman whispered faintly, reaching up to touch John's face.

Kara ran a hand through her hair, noting the gash on the side of her face. John had a similar one, they even got cut the same way, well wasn't that just to die for.

"Joss, he's been sedated," Kara said, gaining the other woman's attention while aiming the gun at her forehead. "Stand up or I put a bullet through your brain right now." Kara instructed. Joss's head swam but she fought the spinning of the world as she slowly got to her feet. "Good girl."

"I'm not your dog," Joss said defiantly. She searched her surroundings for anything to help her and John. Her eyes slid to Donnelly feeling horrible before looking back at Kara Stanton.

Kara grinned but didn't respond as she motioned at Snow with the gun towards John. Joss nearly cried as Snow grabbed John under the arms and started to drag him towards a waiting car. Blood was sliding down the side of his face from the gash on his forehead.

Kara eyed her. "Don't worry, Joss, you're coming with us too. I'm not about to leave John's girlfriend behind, not when you can be _so_ useful."

"What do you want from us?" Joss asked, tugging her gaze off John to eye John's former partner. She was prettier in person but the lifeless and dead eyes held no emotion.

"That's none of your concern, now let's go." Kara said as she motioned with her gun to move. Joss stumbled and limped as she curled a hand inward to her body as she moved towards the SUV. Snow was unsuccessfully trying to fling John into the backseat. Joss moved to help Snow but stopped when the barrel of the gun was jammed into her back with biting force. "Now, Joss, we don't help the servants."

"But John…" Joss started and stopped when the gun was pushed further into her back.

"Help Mark with John and I'll shoot John in the head and his death will be solely on you," Kara whispered into her ear before giving it a disgusting kiss which Joss jerked her head from.

Joss froze in her spot as she watched Snow struggle but finally managed to get John into the backseat. "He's in," Snow remarked, stating the obvious and breathing heavily from exertion.

"Get in Joss, keep your head down, and don't try anything funny because there is enough semtex taped to Mark to kill us all." Kara stated with a smile. Joss climbed into the SUV immediately touching John's face and felt the door get slammed closed behind her.

Joss ignored her aches and pangs, lifting John's head up so she could rest it in her lap. She shook from pain that ebbed from every part of her body as she watched Kara in the passenger seat and Mark in the driver's. Joss ran her hand through his hair trying to soothe herself and ignore the pain.

Kara turned to look back at her. "Well look at you detective, you love him, don't you?"

"Screw you," Joss snapped.

Kara laughed. "Ballsy, I'm sure he likes it. He's a good fuck too," she said with a look to John's crotch and Joss wished she could somehow shield John from it. Kara's eyes managed to slide from John's crotch to look back at her. "He'll never love you. John doesn't know how. We broke him," she continued, motioning between her and Snow. "It was so much fun: snuffing out his soul, killing the Boy Scout, watching all that light in his eyes just flicker out."

Joss kept rubbing his hair and looked down, ignoring Kara's laughter and felt the woman's gaze slide away focusing on where she wanted Mark to take them. "You didn't break him," she whispered to herself. She shifted and settled John better into her lap, wishing she could protect him from whatever Kara had planned, but knew without a single doubt that whatever it was it was going to be nothing but hell.

* * *

AN: If you are wondering how Kara knows Joss's name, you'll learn when she came onto her radar next chapter. I hope you guys like my re-imagining of 2x13 because I loved that episode but as much as that was great I wanted to include Joss in this in a different way. So hope you guys are down for it.

Thanks for reading!


	35. Chapter 35

_**AN: You'll recognize some of this but I did tweak a lot of what the show gave us :) Oh and just so you remember that the part in italics is the person speaking over the earwig. I like doing that for some unknown reason. I guess I like differing it from phone calls and communication over their comms. I'm weird like that :D  
**_

* * *

John slowly opened his eyes. At first he didn't remember what happened until his entire body throbbed with different aches and pains. "Kara," he whispered as realization dawned and he looked around before tensing as he realized he was tied to a chair. Joss was a few feet away across from him sitting in a chair, tied to it, and positioned across from him to look at him.

"Thank god, I was worried she injected you with poison instead of a sedative," she said in relief. John's face paled as he saw the bomb vest Joss was strapped with.

"Oh good he's awake finally." John's head whipped to the side where Kara's voice filtered in from. He watched as Kara walked unhurriedly towards them with Snow in tow, past a table with a laptop on it and a video recorder seated on a tripod. "Hello lover, have you missed me?" she greeted warmly.

"Not really."

Kara smiled. "Your honesty is always charming. Sorry for the theatrics, John, but I have a job to do for the people that saved me in Ordos, and I can't have the pesky man in the suit getting in the way. God, couldn't they have come up with something better than something so drab and boring as the man-in-the-suit?" Kara muttered.

John tugged on his binds. "So if you can't have me getting in the way then why did you kill Donnelly? I would have been in prison," he demanded.

Kara squatted in front of him and rubbed his face almost affectionately. "Because, then I can't toy with you if you're incarcerated, John, there is no fun in it," Kara said as the hand dropped down as she turned to look at Joss. "Your girlfriend is cute, although I wasn't aware that you craved chocolate."

John eyed Kara's profile. "You touch her and I rip your heart out," he vowed.

Kara turned to look at him with a smile. "There's my stone cold killer that I've missed." She gently stroked his face once more before turning to look back at Joss Carter. "I bet he turns into the Boy Scout when you're around. Mark told me all about Detective Joss Carter after you and I got in a fire fight when you tried to help Mark here and butt your nose in my affairs. And then I saw you and John together yesterday, canoodling in your car and I realized you were far more important than I first figured." Kara said. John frowned. That had been earlier, before Donnelly tricked Joss, before he had gone to watch over Kerchner when they met at the encampment, and he should have seen Kara. He should have made sure no one was watching them. It was his fault why Joss was in this situation. It was his fault why Agent Donnelly was dead.

"Go to hell, Kara," Joss said politely.

"I've been to hell already, Joss," Kara retorted.

"Next time I'll be buying you a one way ticket," John murmured.

Kara turned to look at John as she straightened. "Only if you promise to come with me, lover, but I'm here in New York for the people that saved me. They needed my expertise and they offered me something I just couldn't refuse."

"And that is?" John wondered. There wasn't much Kara wanted.

"Revenge," she supplied simply. "I want revenge on everyone including the person that sent us on our trip to Ordos, the one that sold the laptop in the first place. I'm going to get the bastards that gave the kill order, get the CIA, and the person responsible for the laptop. Everyone is going to pay for our trip to hell."

"Kara, trust me when I say that revenge doesn't help. What could is choosing a different path for yourself, you have a chance at a new future. Don't waste it on revenge." All it did was leave you cold and empty as he should know, killing Peter had done nothing to help with the pain of losing Jessica.

She laughed. "Like save people the way you do?—I don't think so. You were always the Boy Scout and I've been always good at tearing shit up. It's more fun that way."

John didn't think appealing to Kara's humanity would work, he doubted there was any left in her after everything she had done. "Kara, let Joss go. She is innocent in this. What happened to us is our past, not hers, so let her go."

"You're right, she doesn't have anything to do with our past," Kara agreed. "But she means something to you now, which means she is of use to me." Kara motioned at Mark to come over. John watched as Snow brought the video recorder on a tripod over, setting it directly in front of him. Kara watched. "Zoom out a bit more, so I can see John from head to toe." Kara ordered and Mark did as he was told. "Perfect. John smile for the camera." Kara stated perversely loving the control she had over him and he just stared at her. "Fine, play it your way." Kara murmured as she armed Joss's bomb vest. "Smile or we all go boom including your detective—who we both know you'd do anything for."

John smiled slowly and Kara laughed as she disarmed the bomb. "Good boy, do as you're told and nothing bad will happen to your girlfriend. You see, the bomb vest is a personal homemade recipe, has a ten second count down. Or at a touch of the finger I can do this…" Kara paused and Joss's bomb vest had a timer start from a minute to count down, before disarming it once more. She motioned to her right. John's eyes followed and glanced at the table set with a lone laptop on it and saw the video recorder was hooked to the laptop, before Kara showed John her phone's screen. The video feed was directly linked to her cell phone. "See, I get to see your pretty face, so if you get out of your bindings I'll know, and then Joss will die because of you," Kara said and he flinched. "I don't think you want pieces of Joss Carter all over the place. Like I said, John, Joss is my insurance to keep you out of my hair. And to make this even better for me, I have something for you."

"Oh joy," John muttered, with eyes on Snow as he got close to Joss. So help him if Snow does something to Joss the world was going to burn.

Kara pulled something out of her pocket drawing his attention back to her and it was nude color earwig. "Just for you and Joss, you both get to listen to the mission I'll be having Mark embark on." She murmured as she inserted the earwig into his ear then rubbed his face. "My present to you so you can hear us murder people and can't do a single thing about it, Boy Scout," she whispered in his ear and slid her tongue into his ear.

John tugged on his binds and she laughed as she straightened. "I told you letting Donnelly have you wasn't fun for me. We get to go down memory lane, John, whether you like it or not, with your girlfriend listening. And remember, try anything, she dies." Kara smirked as she turned to look at Snow. "Come along Mark, the moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived," she instructed and they left without another word.

John waited until they were gone. "Joss, are you okay?" he asked.

"Mostly, head hurts still from the accident. I have a few scrapes and bruises otherwise I'm good. What about you?" she asked softly, looking around the video recorder to see into his eyes.

"Fine, I think I have a bruised rib and a headache of my own but otherwise good," he murmured gruffly. He was glad to know that Kara had them muted as he was sure she would comment on them checking on each other. Kara could never resist keeping her mouth shut.

"John, what are we going to do? I tried to see where they were taking us but I was kind of out of it and worried about you," Joss admitted.

"It's okay, we just got to hope that Harold can find us. I can't move, if I do she'll kill you," he whispered. He knew Kara wasn't lying about that.

"Maybe I can get free," she murmured.

"Don't," he snapped. "You might trigger the bomb."

"Snow's been in his a while now and he hasn't accidentally triggered his," she reminded him.

"I don't care about Snow, I care about you."

"John I know but maybe if I can get free of my binds I can call Finch or Fusco for help. She has you on camera, not me. Evidently she thinks I'm a brainless twit," Joss muttered.

He struggled to not smile even at a time like this. "Then Kara is the brainless twit."

"Damn straight she is," Joss agreed as she wiggled her wrists back and forth, ignoring the rope burn it was already causing. The knots in the binds were tight but it was doable especially with the small razor Mark had dropped into her hand while Kara had been busy with John. Seemed to her that Mark was willing to help them to help himself. Typical Snow to the end, thinking about his own well-being, but at least it was beneficial to her and John this time around. "John…" she started but paused when a click sounded in their ears, meaning they weren't muted any longer by Kara.

" _John, I've been watching you for the last few minutes and it's boring with nothing good to look at but your knees."_

"What do you want from me, Kara, you're the one that tied me to a chair and stuck Joss in a bomb vest?!" he growled.

" _I want you to spread your legs for me, give me something good to look at or I'll be displeased and you don't want me like that. Maybe someone who doesn't need to die, dies_."

He shuddered as he struggled a bit. "Go to hell, Kara." he snarled, wanting to fight, but his eyes closed as he heard Joss's bomb vest arming. He swallowed hard as he did as she asked spreading his legs, opening himself up for her pleasure. The revulsive memory of Kara undoing his pants with her disgusting smile on her face seared his brain and he carefully shut down.

" _Don't disobey me again or someone else will pay for it_ ," she said, just as she always did.

There was another click meaning they were muted once more. Joss struggled in her binds hoping to get them off sooner, knowing this process was going to be long. She was going to kick Kara Stanton's ass for doing what she was to John. It was disturbing as much as it was toxic to John. Joss was worried that all her hard work at breaking down his walls, getting him to open up was going to be undone with this woman reemerging from whatever hole she crawled out of.

"She always says that," he whispered.

Joss swallowed the lump in her throat. "Kara always threatened innocent people to force you to do something you didn't want to. She used others to her advantage." she said without asking. It was vile. Using John's humanity to exert control over him to her sick pleasure, Kara got a kick out of trying to destroy John's soul and sanity. Thankfully she hadn't been able to even nick one.

"Yeah, no matter what it was: sex, work, or time away from the field. If she wanted something and I didn't, she knew just what to say or do to get me to cooperate." John admitted softly. He had done everything and anything to save an innocent life even if it had been detrimental to his own physical or emotional well-being.

They grew quiet. Joss silently worked on her binds hoping against hope that Finch and Fusco were on their way to rescue them. They needed to stop Kara, whatever she was going to do, couldn't be good.

For the better part of a couple hours Kara would pop on and off explaining some of her plan but nothing in detail or to command John to do something that she wanted to exert her power over him. Kara was enjoying being the puppet-master and she might have the power this time but when they got out of this, that woman was going down! No one strapped her with a bomb, killed innocent people, and harmed John emotionally and got away with it.

However, this time when Kara unmuted them, John and Joss could overhear Snow meeting with someone who was evidently paid up front for something that was formatted to Kara's unique specifications but the heavily accented man wanted more money for it.

" _You've been paid already_ , _so give me the damn thing_!" Snow snarled. Joss frowned when she heard in the background the guy saying something about the price going up.

" _Snap his neck Mark, for John's sake_ ," Kara instructed. Joss closed her eyes at the distinct snap was loud as well as a bullet piercing glass and two resounding thuds of bodies dropping. " _Did you hear it John, the snap, just like old times, isn't it?_ "

"Yes," John answered quietly, knowing she would merely arm Joss's bomb if he didn't.

Joss looked around the camera and saw John's face, seeing him staring off. Kara muted them once more. "It's not your fault John. Don't let her get into your head." Joss pled and nearly cried as the razor sliced into her in the same spot as she sliced herself before. This wasn't exact science. She could feel the blood sliding down her hand, dripping onto her fingers and most likely the floor. But she had to get free. It was their only shot at getting help.

"I tried to find quick and painless ways to kill our targets and I found snapping necks was quick without any suffering," he whispered. "And it was cowardly too. I didn't have to see their faces as I murdered them."

"Oh John, you were just trying to survive. There is nothing cowardly about that."

The conversation lapsed thankfully. Joss wanted it to fade away because the look on John's face made her want to cry. But maybe opening up about the things these people had him do, might mean he could heal from it. And maybe it also meant he realized the simple truth: that no matter what he told her, she wasn't going anywhere.

Joss went back to trying to free herself and each new time that Kara came back on she told them what she was doing they were getting concerned at what Kara was attempting to do. Snow and Kara were going to be breaking into a level 5 DOD facility that was Cyber Security Operations Center. Officially their role was to monitor and protect sensitive government networks from cyber terrorism. But unofficially they were developing weaponized malware.

The more Kara gave them little nuggets of her plan the worse it became. John looked at her. "Joss it sounds like Kara needed that hard-drive she forced Mark to steal a few weeks ago, so she can steal a cyber-weapon from the government. It's cyber warfare, Joss. We need to stop her." he whispered. "Donnelly was right but he had the wrong person, Kara was recruited by one of those private intelligence organizations with Chinese backing, she was saved in Ordos."

"Yea, they offered her something she couldn't refuse and is helping them implement cyber warfare. It could cause massive damage to the United States," she said and John nodded in agreement. Joss felt her binds beginning to loosen and she wiggled and pulled until her right hand came free and she cried triumphantly. "I'm free." she whispered afraid to speak louder for fear that Kara would unmute them to make them listen to her murder some more innocent people. Joss brought her hand forward ignoring the caked on blood at her wrists. Thank god, they were all superficial, she could have hit an artery with the inability to see where she was cutting. She turned and looked at the binds to free her left hand.

"Go get help," John instructed immediately.

"I'm not leaving you here, John, for her twisted pleasure," she countered. But she did run for the door. Joss peered out the small square window. "Well she didn't take us very far. We're in Manhattan," she said, recognizing the street they were on.

John caught Joss's gaze. "So if we got loose and she used that bomb on you, it will take as many innocent lives as she can get."

"Well she's not getting anyone including us." Joss promised as she exited the door to find out exactly where they were and saw it was Goodwin's, the small company that had the best damn chocolate in the state. The company had run for the better part of fifty years before just recently going out of business. This factory was up for lease for the last six months.

She re-entered the building and kept quiet as Kara beeped in to let them hear Snow and Kara shooting and murdering some armed guards protecting the DOD facility. Joss closed her eyes as she silently said a prayer to the families before glancing at John seeing what this was doing to him and wished she could protect him from it. The guilt was easily readable on his face.

Joss ran to the table, hoping the laptop could offer any kind of help but doubted it while she listened to Kara torment John with their past transgressions until finally she must have needed to focus on something else as she muted them once again. Joss didn't know how long of a window they had left and she needed to get ahold of Harold somehow but paused as she tugged the chair out. Lying on there was a burner phone. Well, well, well, Mark was going all out in helping them to save his own ass. She looked up and glanced at John holding the phone up.

"Maybe Snow is trying to make it up for trying to kill you," Joss murmured as she immediately dialed Harold's unknown number and waited several rings until he hesitantly answered.

"Harold," she said immediately.

"Oh thank god, detective, you are alright! Is John alright?" Finch rifled off, sounding close to tears.

"I have a bomb vest attached to me and John's tied up, Kara is in the middle of stealing a cyber-weapon and we can't stop her." Yet. But they were going too.

"Oh god," Finch whispered.

"We need your help Finch. I can't call Bomb Squad because they'll want to know who John is and that risks John's real identity. But we can't leave here or we risk innocent lives."

"Where are you, detective?"

"You remember that old chocolate factory in Manhattan: Goodwin's, they just recently went out of business about six months ago…"

"And perfect place to hide two people and one strapped with a bomb vest." Harold finished for her.

She nodded with her eyes on John. "I don't know how much time we have left before Kara unmutes us. Get here as soon as possible."

"I'm already on my way, detective."

"Be careful Harold." she advised and hung up with him. She walked towards John but made sure she didn't cast any shadows onto John for fear that Kara would realize that she was free. "John we are going to get out of this and we are going to stop her," she vowed.

"How, she's already in the process of stealing the weapon?" he wondered.

"We'll stop her after," she said immediately.

They both froze as the click once again sounded. " _John, how are you doing?_ " Kara asked without really caring.

"About as good as expected with Joss strapped in a bomb vest."

" _And you Joss, dear, you have been quiet for a while_."

"I'm fine you delusional psycho," Joss quipped.

Kara chuckled. " _She has spunk. I'll give her that_."

"Kara, please don't do this. Don't turn on your country. You steal a cyber-weapon…"

" _I'll be in touch John it's nearly finished, and I won't tell you again…spread your legs and remember all the good times we had when I was between them,"_ Kara sneered speaking over him before muting them and he spread his legs open that he had relaxed at some point.

"It's going to be okay, John," Joss whispered, seeing how defeated John looked. "Harold's on his way."

"I hope so because Kara won't have any intention of letting you go."

Joss paced the floor of the closed down factory wondering how long it possibly was without any communication from Kara. And John was forced to sit with his legs spread so the bitch could get her jollies off, looking at where her eyes didn't belong. She curled her hands into her fists, feeling helpless and angry at feeling helpless. But after several minutes of utter silence the click once more sounded.

" _It's been fun John, but our time together is just about over_." Kara said. John glanced at Joss's bomb vest which made a sound. Joss looked down and they saw that they had five minutes. " _Don't try to rip it off her, because there is a pressure sensor which will detonate immediately. So if you can save her in little less than five minutes, then I look forward to seeing you some more, John. If not, at least you both get to die together_." Kara said and with that was gone.

Joss ran to where he was seated and helped get him out of his binds. "Harold will be here any moment, John," she said shaking. Once the binds loosened he immediately stood up and shut off the video recorder mistrusting of Kara not to watch. He trembled as he eyed the vest. "I've seen a lot of these in Iraq," she muttered.

"Me too, but, we never did get many crash courses on how to disable them," he said softly.

"No we didn't, did we?" she gave a humorless laugh.

The doors burst open and Harold dragged his leg with him as he ran towards them. "Oh thank god I got here in time," Finch cried. "When I saw the factory still standing I thought it was an illusion," he admitted as he rushed towards her.

Joss felt tears welling up. "You're here in time, just don't know if you want to stay," she admitted as she turned and Harold eyed the countdown. "We got minutes." she whispered banishing the tears away refusing to allow them to fall.

Harold eyed her. "That is more than enough time, Jocelyn."

"Have you ever defused a bomb before?" John demanded as he kept a hand on Joss's arm as Harold eyed the phone and semtex.

"Can't say that I have but I understand the basic principles."

"Well that's encouraging," Joss said, trying to sound optimistic.

Finch didn't appear to be listening, eyes sharp on the ticking down bomb. "It appears she has wired the phone to a capacitor based trigger, if the components halt it will charge the capacitor which will in turn release its charge at a…"

"Finch," John snapped.

"Sorry this is my process."

"Can you shut off the timer?" he demanded as he clutched Joss tighter.

"Can't get at the battery; I need to hack the phone's lock code," Harold said as he tugged out his own cell phone.

"Can you do it?" Joss asked quietly.

"I have built some of the most complex computer systems in the existence. I can certainly unlock a phone. All phones have a universal unlock code based on their model and the unique IMEI number. Okay, for this it is one of five number combinations," Harold said as he immediately hacked the phone that was strapped to Joss's bomb.

"That's good," John said feeling slight hope now.

"Problem is we only get three attempts before the phone locks us out permanently."

"That's not," John muttered feeling the hope slide away.

Joss looked at John and smiled as Harold tried one option and it failed. She looked back at Harold. "It's okay, Harold, take a deep breath and try again," she whispered. "I have faith in you."

Harold looked up and stared into her eyes. "I won't let you down, Jocelyn," he said calmly which was not what he was feeling at the moment. Harold eyed the four choices and made his selection and cringed in agony as yet again it was wrong. He shook as he realized he had only a minute left.

"Pick the winner, Harold," she said as she grabbed John's hand which he fiercely held.

Joss forced bravado she wasn't feeling but grateful she had John holding her hand while thinking about her son. If her time was up she wanted to spend the last minute thinking about her son and holding John's hand. Joss didn't even look down as Harold started typing. She stood still and waited, watching Harold's face and when she saw elation she blinked in realization that he had stopped it. Her eyes fell down and saw the timer was at 7 seconds and wasn't moving.

Finch nearly let out a cry of relief when the timer on the bomb quit ticking down. Tears were streaming down the detective's cheeks now as John immediately began tugging the vest off her. The moment it was off she touched her chest before turning and launched herself into John's arms and the unmistakable sound of John crying had the power to crush him. It was not a theory any longer: Mr. Reese and Jocelyn were as he suspected: something more than just friends. Harold gave the pair a look before walking away to give them a moment alone.

Joss cried into John's chest: the pain from the accident, stress from the ordeal, and utter relief of being free of that bomb vest had her emotions all over the place. He was holding her to him so tightly she thought he was trying to pull her through him.

"I'm okay," she whispered in his ear, trying to soothe him nearly as much as she tried to soothe herself. "I'm okay," she said again stronger this time. And for a good few minutes they stood together in the old empty factory just holding each other until the trembling faded.

* * *

AN: The part I referenced with Kara and Joss was where Joss got into the firefight in 2x7. I know that this is definitely AU from what the show did but I enjoyed embroiling Joss far more than what the show had. Next chapter is the aftermath of sorts :)

Thanks for reading!


	36. Chapter 36

_**AN: I wanted to post this yesterday night but ran out of time, and I was going to earlier today but FF here just wouldn't let me for some unknown reason. This site can be so glitchy sometimes, lets me post one story but not the other, ok that makes sense. Okay small warning of some intense smut near the bottom ;D  
**_

* * *

Joss walked to her front door, ignoring her aches, hoping against every hope that it was John but was crushed when it was only Fusco. Fusco eyed her. "Sorry to disappoint, Carter."

She forced a smile. "No, it's just…after Harold and John dropped me off at home from the factory and I got to call my son to talk his head off I can't get a hold of John. He hasn't returned any of mine or Harold's phone calls. I'm worried about him," she said with a slump of the shoulders.

"I could look for him for you," Fusco offered, never seeing his partner look like this. She looked one step away from crying. Being strapped with a bomb vest and watching your life tick down had to be a traumatic experience and if she wanted wonder-boy to feel better, he'd go find and get her wonder-boy. Carter was always there for him. He wanted to be there for her.

She shook her head. "No, don't, I know John, whenever something happens he needs time. He's distraught about Kara being back, and what she did, but he'll come to me."

"How do you know?"

"Because I just do." she said, unreasonably optimistic but she trusted in what she felt for John and what he felt for her. "What's that?" she pointed to the manila folder he held, wanting to focus on anything besides what almost happened about three hours ago.

Fusco shifted and looked around. "Well when four eyes asked me to help him find you and Mr. Sunshine we started our search with where we knew you were both last, thanks to Einstein tracking yours and the big guy's phones. It brought Glasses and I to a wrecked SUV with a very dead Agent Donnelly, who I guess four eyes tried to help but too late. Glasses rambled on about having three names all at once: Donnelly's, yours, and Stanton's. Anyways Mr. Peabody asked me to gather the file, your gun, and wipe the backseat down of any prints and DNA of you and wonder-boy." he said handing both of the items to her.

Joss looked up in shock. "You did what?"

Fusco shrugged. "You're my partner and more importantly a friend, I'll deny saying this: but Reese saved me. If the big guy never got me to you, I don't know where I'd be. It wouldn't be my first crime scene tampering and if it's for you, Reese, or the weird little guy, I'd do it again in a heartbeat," Fusco admitted gruffly. He wasn't proud of the fact that he knew how to tamper with a crime scene or had done so in the past for ill-gotten gain, but if his dirty past helped his friends right now then so be it.

Joss reached out touching his burly forearm. "Fusco, I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, partner, you don't need to."

She didn't because she honestly didn't know what she wanted to say: thank you for committing a crime for her or lecture him along with a smack upside the head for committing a crime for her. Joss needed to sit down. This last day and a half was one of the longest 36 hours of her life.

Joss opened the file up and blinked in surprise before looking up at Fusco. "This is the file on John and these are Donnelly's notes, how he suspected I was a mole for John in the NYPD," she said slowly.

"Yea, needless to say that didn't need to be found any more than the prints or DNA in the car. I suggest you burn that file. They're the only hard copy as Einstein did his voodoo and wiped Donnelly's notes on you that were on his work computer. I don't even want to know how Glasses hacked Donnelly's work computer. Einstein also told me to pass along a message that he dealt with the NYPD and FBI's databases on John."

"Let me guess he wiped it just as he wiped Donnelly's."

"Better, Glasses changed the documentation on the man in the suit to fit Snow's DNA. Three hours ago a bomb went off at the same building a bomb threat was reported at. The same place our brunette psycho took our pal Snow. There were two fatalities. Needless to say no real details are coming to light and we both know who one of those causalities is," Fusco said. Finch had given him the low down on what happened to Reese and Carter, and who had done it and why. He wasn't sad knowing Snow was dead, now the big guy would be safe from the CIA, but if the other dead person was innocent he was sad about that.

Joss shook her head. "Damn it, couldn't Snow have just gone somewhere without any civilians around," she hissed. Snow was always a selfish bastard even till the bitter end.

Fusco shrugged. "An Agent Moss is taking over Donnelly's cases and his murder. Glasses is confident that they'll believe Snow is the man in the suit. Only thing is Moss might come to the precinct and ask you if Snow looks sort of like the guy who saved you the night your C.I. shot at you."

"And I'll tell him yes if he comes," she said without a second thought. This was a way to effectively take the heat off John from the FBI's taskforce but as well as the NYPD's would dissolve, thinking that the man in the suit was dead. All she would need John to do was wear damn gloves, no matter if he wanted to or not. "Thanks for everything, Fusco."

"No thanks necessary, Carter, you're my partner and friend." And with that he turned and headed for the door and left.

She laid the manila folder on the table and climbed the stairs. She wanted a nice relaxing bubble bath. She was just grateful that her son didn't ask her what was wrong or why she needed him to stay at his grandmother's on short notice or her mother call her to find out why she needed Taylor to stay with her. Both her son and her mom were sports with not asking and probably figured she had a long day at work still. She missed her son, he was gone all weekend at his friend's and she was going to have him back tonight and she was going to hug him so hard but she needed to be alone tonight. After what nearly happened she didn't want her son to see her as a mess.

Joss entered her bathroom and ran a bath, needing the relaxation. She chose the raspberry scented bubble bath and once the temperature of the bath was warm but not scalding hot, she took off her clothes, and took her time climbing into the tub. She had bruises and cuts galore from the crash and sawing off the binds that she was in. Joss closed her eyes as she settled in and sighed. The warm water and bubbles were already soothing her aches and pangs. The dull stinging pain as the bubbles settled in between her cuts were noted and ignored. But nothing was helping with the emotional pain she was feeling. She knew time would heal that wound and some rest could help too.

Joss didn't even realize she was crying until she opened her eyes and her bathroom was blurry. She cried for Donnelly, for all the innocent lives lost, for John, for her, and what could have happened as the bomb counted down and just cried tears of joy that they were safe. She didn't know how long she sat in her tub crying, but once she was utterly spent her eyes opened. She leaned her head back against the tub and sighed, trying to calm herself.

Joss sat forward when the water was too cold to sit in any longer, before grabbing the plug and pulling. She got to her feet while the water gurgled as it tried to speed down the drain. She turned and grabbed the sprayer off the hook up top and turned the shower head on and sprayed herself clean of the bubbles. She felt better since crying. Once she was clean of bubbles, she turned the water off and grabbed a towel drying herself off, before putting her robe on.

It had been a horribly long and taxing day and a half and she was so damn glad it was over. Maybe she was going to take some personal days off of work, give herself a chance to recuperate. Joss walked out of her bedroom to go to the stairs. She was going to sit and call John before trying to go to bed. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to sleep but she was going to try. It was past two in the morning already. Joss reached the landing when her front door opened and she tensed.

John entered before shutting the door behind him, and locked up. "I came to make sure you were okay." he said quietly, as he slowly moved forward. Joss nearly made a smart remark about him breaking in the front door this time but remained silent. Shadows crossed his face before he moved into the light of her lamp that was on in the living room. His eyes were exposed, showing just how vulnerable he was right now after what happened and he rarely allowed that to show. "Are you okay, Joss?"

She swallowed hard to remove the lump from constricting her from speaking. "Yea, I'm good," she reassured him but it didn't sound convincing.

He didn't say anything as he took a step closer. "You look like you were crying."

"I was." Tears welled up against her will. He reached out, brushing the tears away.

"I'm sorry for causing you pain. I just needed to think and walk around for a while," he whispered and she grabbed his wrist.

"I know that, John, and you're not the one that caused me any pain. Kara did," she clarified. "But there might be some good from what Kara did to us."

He looked nonplussed. "What does that mean?—she strapped you with a bomb Joss."

"I know and I'm not talking about that. Kara gave Snow the same amount of time she gave me, Snow died." She left off about the other casualty feeling John did not need that death hanging over his shoulder too. She would carry that burden herself. Maybe she could ask Finch to find out who the victim was so she could leave flowers at his grave to pay her respects.

"How does his death help us any?" Besides that, he wouldn't be showing his face anymore.

Joss smiled as she grabbed the file from the table near her. "Because of this, John."

"What is it?"

"Fusco and Finch arrived at the scene of our accident with Donnelly before the cops did. Donnelly is dead which we can't change, but he had his file and notes on you with him. Fusco grabbed them and erased our existence in the car," she explained and John's look grew darker. She wasn't sure if he was happy or upset at what lengths Harold and Lionel went to help them. So she carried on. "Fusco came by while you were restlessly walking and told me that Finch hacked the FBI and NYPD databases to change your DNA that is listed there with Snow's. John, Finch is making it so that Snow was the man in the suit. All I need to do if he asks is tell Agent Moss, who is taking over Donnelly's cases, that I recognize Snow as the man in the suit. And you'll finally be in the clear."

"No you won't," he growled.

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You will not drop kick your career for me again. You will not lie to this agent to protect me."

Joss clamped down on her anger because she was still raw over what happened earlier with the bomb vest and she knew she wasn't thinking clearly. "John, you do not get to tell me what I can and cannot do. I'm doing it. Finch and Fusco did the main part, all I have to do if he asks is lie to Agent Moss about who saved me the night BC shot at me. But what you need to do in the future is start wearing damn gloves! Do your part in keeping yourself out of jail. This plan will effectively close the case in the eyes of the FBI and the NYPD of the man in the suit. The only person who knew the truth is dead thanks to Kara and we will get Donnelly justice because he was a good man. But this keeps you from going to prison and I'm doing whatever I have to do to make sure that happens," she said as she turned and he grabbed her arm.

"Joss I'm not worth your career. You could go to prison if they figure it out that you lied. Your son needs you."

"I know that and yes it's a risk, but it's a risk worth taking because no one will ever figure it out as long as you wear gloves," she reiterated, putting it back on him, forcing him to help himself, knowing he'd do anything to protect her as she ripped her arm free of his grasp.

"Tampering with a crime scene, erasing my DNA and fingerprints, and you possibly lying for me is wrong. If I get caught I get caught."

"Well, good thing no one listens to you," she snapped. This was not the time to fight about this, they both were hurting over what had happened earlier.

"Damn it Joss, you were nearly thrown in jail for me, now you want me to be okay with you doing this."

"I'm not asking you to be okay with it because I'm doing it with or without your approval because newsflash: you aren't the boss of me!" she growled, angry now that they were fighting over something that she might or might not even have to do. But if she had too she would do it.

John was staring at her with anger and something else in his eyes before his mouth was on hers. She kissed him back hungrily, maybe even angrily, before he deepened it. Joss rested her hands on his shoulders, gasping into his mouth as his hand slipped under her robe, possessively palming her bare breast. She tore her lips free as he dragged his tongue down her neck.

"John," she tried, not sure if she wanted to yell at him or what.

He didn't say a word as he tugged on the sash tied at her waist, loosening her robe so it parted, latching a hungry mouth to her breast. Joss sighed as her head leaned back, feeling his teeth nip and bite against her nipple. A mix of pain and pleasure shot through her, she moaned hotly as he pulled his head back tugging on her nipple hard. She twisted in his hold, letting the robe drop unwanted. Joss let out a strangled sound as he lifted her up, cupping her butt. He held her against him intimately and she whimpered. His hard, strong body against her soft one was so highly erotic. John carried her to her couch where he laid her down, covering her as his mouth sucked at her breasts.

"John," she whispered. But the man was blatantly ignoring her as his hand slid down her body. He groaned against her breasts as she moaned loudly while he slid two fingers inside her easily. Her body was so starved for his touch that the moment he kissed her she had grown embarrassingly aroused with need. Joss's hips lifted as he shifted his attention to her other breast, showering it with the same attention as he sped up his fingers. He moved his thumb over her clitoris in a soft circular and teasing motion.

John needed her. He felt his cock jerk in response to the amount of wetness coating his fingers as he listened to her soft moans of his name. Her hips jerked up, matching the rhythm he set with his hand. He loved just how responsive she always was, and he worked her before lifting his head from her breasts feeling her body grow taut with need, knowing she was close. John halfheartedly slid his hand free from between her legs, licking his fingers clean of her.

Joss stared at him, her eyes glazed, feeling bereft of his wondrous touch because her body yearned for the orgasm that was just out of reach. He leaned back and unashamedly stared between her legs. "Beautiful," he whimpered. Joss was a goddess, and he tugged her to the edge of her couch possessively. He closed his eyes, inhaling her.

"Oh, John," she whispered as her hand slid in his hair. His eyes lifted to meet hers that were clearing up. He wanted to let go and let this woman catch him, but he had a feeling he would never recover his footing again.

"Your son, where is he?" John demanded as he trembled with barely contained need.

Joss blinked as she struggled to focus on his question. "At my mother's home," she answered slowly, trying to work some of the fog from her brain.

John tore his gaze off of her, having the answer he wanted, focused on her tantalizing sex, and submerged himself in her glory, loving the cries she gave as he took what he wanted. He fixated on her, just her, and doing exactly what he wanted to do to her. He held her thighs up, keeping her parted for him. Joss's swollen nub of her desire was quivering under his merciless tongue as he lavished affection to every secret she held. He felt his weak hold on himself slip as her grip in his hair grew harsher, biting, and stinging as she held him closer.

"John," she moaned loudly. John felt her hand tugging on his hair harder and harder, trying to tug him from between her legs. "I need you inside me right now." She demanded, not giving an inch on this. Joss needed to feel John filling her, loving her, reminding her they survived.

He lifted his mouth from her and she immediately sat up taking his mouth with hers. He pulled back, tugging her off the couch and her knees landed hard on the hardwood floor, before he spun her around. She went to lean back against his chest, but he pushed her forward. He undid his pants and pushed them along with his underwear down just enough to jut free. Joss groaned as she felt his thick erection against her ass.

"God, John, fuck me," she commanded. John nudged her legs wide apart, positioned her, and pushed forward into her from behind, sliding to the hilt inside her wet core on one long thrust. Joss moaned as she leaned into her couch cushion.

He let her adjust a bit, as he rested his forehead against her spine, hands holding her hips tightly. "Joss," he whispered faintly before he slowly pulled out only to thrust back in. John straightened as he grabbed her right hip while moving the other to rest on her shoulder, bringing her ass back to him, thrusting into her slowly obviously wanting to find and assault her G-spot. She moaned hotly as he found it effortlessly. She whimpered in ecstasy at his thrusts hit her G-spot over and over again, making her nearly mindless with need in seconds.

Her orgasm that had almost tore through her under his mouth washed over her the moment John slid his fingers between her legs, barely touching her clitoris in time with his movements. Joss cried his name as she surrendered herself over to this thrillingly dark and sexy ride. Having him take her from behind while fully clothed was so primitive and so sexy. She heard him moan as she clenched onto him unconsciously as the spasms from her orgasm rocked her.

The tremors of her orgasm were just fading when tension coiled tight in her once more as he filled her so completely. His cock kept penetrating her slick folds. Her body hankered for more, for more of him. "Please fuck me more," she pleaded as she twisted her body to view him from behind her.

John's eyes were black, his face was open and raw, and his gash that mirrored hers was ignored. She was focused on was the fact that at some point during this John had let go. Joss reared up pushing back as he pushed forward, taking his mouth with hers in a sloppy sideways kiss. She wished to touch his skin. His one hand still between her legs, the other on her hip, before he pushed her away and back down, John slapped a hand across her ass.

"More, please John, I want more," she begged. John gave her another hard slap that stung but was so damned sexy, before he began fucking her wildly. She cried his name repeatedly into the cushion as John thrust into her with tremendous power foregoing the shallow thrusts for deep ones, pushing her entire body forward. He withdrew till just the tip was touching the outside of her sex when he shoved himself back into her again.

She was getting close again, judging how unhinged he was getting, he was as well. "Joss," he whispered her name breathlessly. Joss felt his hips bucking, his hands biting into her hips as he urged her back onto his thick cock hard. She felt cherished and ravished at the same time as their cries mixed together.

Joss moaned. "Like that, John, please, I'm about to come." She spurred him on, she slowly crossed her one knee over the other, it felt amazing, and judging by his cry of ecstasy it was heaven for him.

The pleasure spiraled inside him tighter, hotter, and made him weak in the knees. The added pressure against his shaft as she crossed her knee over the other had his vision blurring, he felt deafened to her screams of his name due to his own buzzing in his ears as his climax was just in his reach as she came violently in his arms. The force her orgasm had her convulsing, but he barely felt it.

He shoved hard again and again into her. "Joss," he cried out hoarsely as his orgasm slammed into him, blindsiding him.

Joss closed her eyes, his hoarse cry of her name was the sexiest thing she'd ever heard in her life as he held her to him as he came. She felt his warmth spreading through her, filling her, and loved the desperate way he held her to him to have her swallow him whole. He held her tightly to him as they both rode out their orgasms until finally it was over. Joss collapsed to the cushion with John laying on her, they shook viciously as they struggled to breathe and come off of their intense highs. His hands lightly rested on hers with their fingers linking together, his mouth buried in between her neck and shoulder, his breath warm on her face. Joss felt surrounded by John in the most splendid way.

Their breathing was ragged, she felt John's clothes against her sweaty back, and his damp cheek was on hers. "Mmm," she sighed as she shifted her head barely to kiss his lips as best as she could. "That was incredible, John, we should have make up sex more often," she whispered.

He didn't say anything in return but he did nuzzle his face close to hers intimately. "You tasted like raspberries, Joss." He said quietly as he kissed her arm.

She smiled as their breathing slowly regulated. "I just had a bubble bath before you came to feast on me," she teased playfully. He slowly withdrew from her and she immediately felt the loss. He helped her to her feet, her thigh muscles jerked and jumped under her skin from the position she had been in. Her knees screamed in agony from kneeling as did the rest of her body from the accident but the little pain didn't take away the sheer bliss of being taken by John in that sort of way. John had totally lost himself in her and she loved every single moment of it.

Joss eyed him sharply as he pulled his boxer-briefs and pants up, fixing his clothes. She grabbed her robe that was flung aside in his haste to get between her legs. She needed to go get cleaned up, but first things first, she had to talk John into staying the night, and then take a shower. She hadn't even gotten him out of his clothes yet.

"I want you to stay the night," she said as she tied the sash at her hips before flicking her hair from underneath the collar.

"Joss…"

"Stay the night, John. We fought, we got over it, and now I want to go to bed, curled up with you and get some sleep," she said softly. John eyed her. "What, John?—that sex, was amazing makeup sex! And perhaps we both needed the connection after what we went through."

"Joss, what you are going to do…"

"Is to help you, besides I might not even have to do it and Finch and Fusco did the worst of it so be mad at them," she said. "Nothing else to it, you agree to wear gloves from now on so we never have to do this again and that would be a help. Please, John, I want to sleep with you, it's been a long day and a half." And if he stayed the night, in bed with her, then she could try to make sure he got some sleep too. Surely his insomnia was going to get worse, thanks to Kara rearing her ugly head again. Right now he wasn't shutting her out but who knew what the morning would bring and she could fight his need to run if she had some sleep. And she wouldn't get that if he wasn't in her bed tonight.

John hesitated for only a moment longer. "Alright," he agreed and she smiled.

Joss grabbed his hand and escorted him upstairs. "But first things first, I need a shower now," Joss said and looked back at him.

"So do I," he said with a tiny smile.

"Well, promise to wash my back and I'll wash yours," she said as they climbed the steps together, he didn't say anything but let her lead him to her bathroom.

* * *

Kara called up Greer. "It's done," she reported. Now she wanted what he promised her if she did this one job for him.

"Yes so I see, nicely done. We'll take it from here," Greer assured her.

"Now I want what you promised me," she demanded. She didn't work for his wrinkly ass for nothing. Kara needed the name of the person that did this to her.

"Ah, yes, the person who sold the laptop that took you on your unfortunate journey to Ordos, or fortunate, depending on one's view," Greer murmured.

"The name," she growled.

"A name is all I have for you, for someone who seemingly does not exist. Perhaps you'll have better luck in your search."

"Go ahead," Kara instructed with pen ready, poised above the paper.

"Harold Finch," Greer supplied.

Kara scribbled it down. "It was nice doing business with you," she said.

"Likewise Kara Stanton, likewise," Greer murmured before hanging up.

Kara eyed the paper with the name she wrote. "I'm going to find you and make you suffer."

* * *

AN: Surprise! I bet you guys didn't see that coming, the smut I mean. But John and Joss needed connection after what they went through. And I wish the show never killed crazy Kara Stanton off because she could have been an epic villain for the team. Oh well. Next chapter caters to the morning after with a maybe brooding John along with a few other goodies. Thanks for reading!


	37. Chapter 37

John lifted one eye as he slowly awakened. Joss was lying on top of him and he lifted one hand into her hair as he yawned. "Good morning," she murmured between soft kisses to his chest before she slid up and kissed him on the lips.

She drew back. "Morning, Joss," he murmured, sleepiness still clear in his voice. He had a rough night trying to sleep. He couldn't seem to stop touching Joss to make sure she was truly alive. She would whisper in his ear that she was alive, to feel her, to make love to her before she promptly distracted him with kisses and then they would do as she said: make love. Kara had taken so much from him he refused to allow her to take anything else from him, especially Joss.

Joss smiled. "It is a good one, John, we are both safe and alive," she said before sliding back down to kiss his chest.

She wanted to eat him up. She felt good, she felt alive and she wanted John to feel it too. They were going to catch Kara and then maybe she could approach John about what they were doing wasn't strictly sex, especially after last night. After their shower and another round of lovemaking she fell asleep, woke up and they made love again, then talked. It was clear John couldn't sleep after what happened. Nearly as evident as he couldn't seem to stop touching her, not just sexually, but soft unconscious caresses as if he didn't believe she was still there with him. So she told him things and he reciprocated. She loved the little things he told her about his travels. All the bits and pieces he gave her painted a very beautiful portrait of the man she loved. He was tentatively coming out of his shell for her, seemingly more so with Kara coming back which was opposite of what she figured would have happened and she was going to continue to prod her hermit out further. She felt him getting close to being healed enough to handle the reality of their situation. That they weren't just sleeping together, that their relationship was much deeper than he cared to admit or realize.

"Have you thought about not lying to protect me by telling Agent Moss that Snow was the man in the suit?" he asked again making her roll her eyes with irritation.

She made a sound that was a cross between a snort and a huff of agitation as she was busy lavishing his wide muscular chest with love than answering that annoying question yet again. "We are not having this discussion again, John. You're not going to win." she said faintly as her words were muffled as she never lifted her lips from his skin. She moved to kiss gently his bruises and cuts he had from the accident before pausing at his nipples flicking them with her tongue.

John shook his head. "You always say that when we disagree."

"That's because usually I'm in the right and you're in the wrong, so I win and you lose," she commented catching one nipple between her teeth, earning herself a soft groan as he pushed back her hair.

"Joss, love, you're not always right," he said dryly, trying somewhat unsuccessfully to concentrate on the conversation while Joss slowly but surely found and caressed every sensitive part of his burning body. Joss cocked a brow in surprise at the endearment. She liked it and hoped it would continue.

She lifted her head to eye him as she climbed off of him. "Are you really going to argue the point that when we argue that I tend to be in the right?" she wondered aloud. "And you claim I'm the one that loves to argue with you!" Joss teased as she slipped a hand under the comforter and found him semi hard from the light brushing of his skin. John mentioned she was responsive but so was he. His body crackled alive under her touch and she loved it. He moaned in the back of his throat as she languidly stroked him, feeling him harden beneath her touch, she teased him with a too light of touch on his cock.

"Joss, you're arguing the point that I am the one that argues with you," he pointed out, proud of himself for being able to think at the moment. He was barely resisting the urge to thrust into her too loose grasp.

"Let's call it a draw," she bartered before taking his mouth in a searing kiss which he responded readily. She swept her tongue deep into his mouth, sliding across his, moaning in annoyance when an irritating noise that suspiciously sounded like his cell phone began to shrill. She felt him wiggle and realized she had been correct. No just no, not right now because she had John right where she wanted him. He wasn't brooding (at least not yet), wasn't shutting her out, but she was afraid of what that phone call was going to bring. She pouted when he pushed free of her kiss and manually forced her hand off his delicious shaft. He shimmied over and she sprinkled kisses across his jaws, chin, and caught his lips. "Don't answer that," she requested.

He gently drew back. "I have to," he whispered, grabbing his cell to see who was calling. "It's Finch, Joss."

"Call him back in ten minutes." she suggested before eyeing him. "No, make it fifteen…better yet in twenty minutes." Yea, twenty minutes would give them long enough to satisfy the urge growing in her loins.

"Be good," he admonished before he answered his cell. "Good morning, Harold," he greeted and she made a face at him before sliding under the comforter.

"Be good he says! I'll show him 'be good'," she muttered to herself, ignoring the desperate grabbing at her from his free hand. She batted it away as if it was nothing more than a gnat in her way wrapping her hand around the base of his glorious cock.

"Is this a good time, Mr. Reese?" Harold asked.

"Ye-oh," John started and tried to snuff out the moan as Joss licked him. "Hold on, Harold," he managed as he grabbed the mouth piece. "Joss, stop it. I can't think when you do that," he whispered.

"Stop what?" she murmured as she teased her tongue across his long length just tracing the vein bulging out. Mmm, yep, she loved this beautiful guy. "I'm behaving, I didn't do this…" she said before taking him into her mouth, going down on him as much as she could before his tip tickled her gag reflux. She sucked gently using her hand to stroke what she couldn't take into her mouth. Damn it, she was going to get him all in sooner or later.

John clamped his teeth into his lower lip to keep from moaning as the vixen was testing his limits and hers as she was taking more and more of him in her mouth each time she did this. He was having a very hard time ignoring the feel of her mouth surrounding him.

"God, Joss," he moaned, giving in just a little, careful to keep his hand over the mouthpiece of his cell phone.

She slowly lifted her mouth off of him. "See, behaving, carry on, don't mind little ole' me. I'll just busy myself down here while you talk about whatever. This guy is more interesting anyway," she said with a teasing lick at the underside of the large head of his penis, enjoying the shiver that shot through him.

He put the phone back to his ear and tried to free himself from the damn devil. "Go ahead, Finch," he snapped with more force than necessary as he tried to not groan out loud, but did grunt when she wrapped her tongue around him, playing with him.

"I'll call back," Finch said, sounding distressed before he hung up abruptly. John moaned as he leaned his head back on her pillows.

"Joss, I think Finch knows," he tried to say without moaning in need. Joss descended down his length, more mindful of the hard thing in her mouth than his words. Who cared! She dragged her teeth delicately across his flesh, loving the soft moan he made. She frowned when he tugged her off of him. She pushed the comforter off her face and looked up at him as he slid from her bed.

"Hey!—I wasn't done," she complained, pouting. She had been just getting John good and hard. Joss kind of wanted to pleasure him for once.

"Yes you are. I have to go." he stated as he grabbed his underwear tugging them on, trying to ignore the steely grips of arousal.

"Why?—go and do damage control over Finch figuring out that we are sleeping together? Even if he knows he won't say anything," she said uncaring. This was Finch they were talking about, he was a private man, he would understand they wanted their fair share of privacy. Besides, how long did John really think they could conduct a secret relationship without their nosy friends figuring it out? John was the only one that was oblivious because he had been so used to not feeling anything, it was taking John a while to catch up. And that was okay. She was in no hurry. But if he honestly thought their friends weren't going to figure it out than he was living in a dream world.

He turned to look at her as he grabbed his pants. "You don't care if he knows?" he demanded as he stabbed his right leg through the pant-leg.

"I truly don't care, John," she agreed.

"But I thought…"

She rolled her eyes. "John, I only agreed to keep things between us because you wanted it that way. It didn't matter to me one way or another if people knew we were involved or not. Their opinions never mattered, it's our business not theirs," she said. "Besides, I think they know anyway. Joan figured us out the first second we walked into the encampment, Shaw knew immediately too, so it's safe to assume Finch has known for a while now or at least suspected it. But he's our friend and was being respectful to our privacy, John, so he didn't say anything. And Fusco, well I think Fusco prefers to not think about you and I being together at all," she said with a soft laugh. "I think the only one who doesn't truly suspect anything is my son," she admitted.

John looked at her worried. Her son wouldn't ever understand the arrangement and he would hurt the boy. "Joss, he can't know."

Joss shook her head. "John, I haven't told him and I'm not looking at explaining what we are doing to him either, so relax," she said softly. She couldn't tell her son anything, not until she sprung it on John that they were already dating. Her son wouldn't be able to keep the secret to himself. He wouldn't mean to spill to John, but her son loved John and would want to 'help' his mom.

John tugged his pants on and redid his fly, as he looked at her when she remained silent. She was staring at him and there was something in her eyes. "Joss, are you still okay with 'just being' as you put it?" he asked, eyes flicking to the door needing to leave. He felt antsy. He was going to hurt her. That was the only thing he was really good at, hurting people.

Joss noticed the panic bubbling up on his face. Uh-oh, did she inadvertently tip her hand? Or was he becoming aware that he was falling in love with her? She had been hoping he wouldn't have realized he was in love with her until AFTER she blew them out of the water. It would be easier that way. She could talk him into listening to her.

Joss slid from the bed and rested her hands on his hips. "Of course I am, are you?" she said turning it on him, forcing him to answer the question.

John looked at her sharply and she wanted to squeal like a little kid as he hesitated. It wasn't an automatic response. Her cute snail was carefully moving forward! "Of course," he said finally, lowly.

Joss felt ecstatic at the moment. All her hard work, all his efforts at overcoming his past was actually resulting in real and gradual forward movement. He was healing ever so slowly, but it was happening. God, she just wanted to kiss him for taking a step forward without even realizing he had.

"Well good, then we're both still good, happy just fucking each other's brains out," she teased as she kept it light. She slid her hands around him and grabbed his butt. She loved his ass.

John searched her gaze but he didn't see anything that contradicted her words and he relaxed. He lifted a finger to tilt her chin up. "Thank you," he whispered before kissing her softly.

She pulled back. "For?—I mean your appreciation of me is nice but I didn't do anything."

"Thank you for not asking for more than I can give."

Joss stared into his eyes. "You're welcome, John," she said. He was capable of more than just a physical relationship and he was proving it the more time they spent together. "You better get out of here or you'll be back in my bed in those cuffs I still get to put you in," she purred.

His eyes darkened but this time in desire and she was glad he was slowly letting go of whatever happened with Kara. She hoped it was because he trusted in her just as she trusted in him. "Maybe I'll get you in them again," he said with his eyes slowly gliding down over her naked body.

"Nope, it's my turn remember." She squeezed his butt. "But go, I'm going to wait to get you cuffed to my bed for another time. What I want to do to you requires more time than a measly ten minutes," she murmured offhandedly and felt him harden further.

"Do you wish to share with the class?" he asked.

Joss looked up at her ceiling and feigned like she thought about it. "Nope," she stood up on her tip toes and kissed him warmly before sliding away. "But go on, go run and talk to Harold. I'll just lay in bed naked and think about you." she said teasingly as she climbed onto her bed and crawled. She had realized quite some time ago that John had a thing about her ass. She heard him curse as she slowly laid down and rolled over onto her back to eye him. "Yep, go on, I'll just take care of things here," she assured him.

With any other man she would never have enough confidence to do such a thing as she slid her hand down her body and touched herself. But seeing John as he was right now, fire in his eyes, erection pushing his pants up, and looking at her as if she was the sexiest woman he ever seen…she didn't feel self-conscious one bit. Not with him, never with him.

"John," she moaned for good measure.

He growled something low as he began undoing his pants. "Finch will have to wait." He climbed onto the bed and kissed her hungrily.

* * *

John hurried down the long corridor of the library seeing Harold at the computers, Bear in the dog bed, and he felt nervous. Harold had to know, had to know what was going on when he called, and who it was that was with him; especially since he was about an hour late because he hadn't had the willpower to leave Joss this morning. He set Harold's tea on the table and Finch looked up.

"Good morning, Mr. Reese. How are you feeling?" he greeted as if the call never happened and a light smile twitching his lips up.

And while that was an easy way out, John couldn't take it. "Finch about earlier—" he started but paused when Harold held up a hand to stop him.

"What you and Jocelyn do together in your own time is very much your business, Mr. Reese. Not yours, hers, and mine," he reassured.

"I know that but…" he trailed off this time, really not sure what he wanted to say to explain why he was keeping his relationship with Joss silent.

"I understand, Mr. Reese," Finch said with a warm smile. "You and Jocelyn have had a connection since you two met and I am happy to see it blossomed into something more."

John felt panicked at the words 'something more' and the way Finch looked. "Finch it's not like that. Our relationship is physical. It's why we wanted to keep it to ourselves so we didn't have to explain what we are to anyone," he said quickly. If it stayed just sex then it wouldn't hurt when it ended. And it would end once Joss realized there were so many other men out there better for her than him.

Finch eyed John at the desperate lilt to his voice. He never heard it come from John before, not even when he was facing certain death, and it took a minute to put his finger on it but he realized John was afraid. More precisely, John was petrified and Harold wondered if John was scared to realize his feelings for the detective were stronger than he claimed them to be. Harold doubted that what was between Mr. Reese and Jocelyn was all lust as his friend tried to persuade him to believe. He supposed it was John's way of protecting himself, figuring the relationship was doomed to fail as all his previous ones. Perhaps the detective could help him realize that not everyone would disappear from his life.

"As I said, John, your private life after hours from the numbers is just that, _your_ private life. I am merely glad that you found someone kind, thoughtful, and intelligent to spend your free time with when you are not helping me save numbers," Finch said carefully. He didn't want to push John too far, it could do harm to his budding relationship with Jocelyn and he did not want that. Being with Jocelyn was bringing John happiness and a sense of normalcy. Finch wished for it to continue and he would do what he could to help John's healing process; if that meant keeping quiet about his suspicions that his friend's feelings were far deeper than he claimed then so be it.

John relaxed. "Thank you for saving her, I'll never be able to repay you," he said sincerely, having yet to thank him for what he did last night. He couldn't live in a world without Joss in it, wouldn't want to.

Harold stared at him. "You don't have to, Jocelyn is a dear friend of mine," he said before he nodded to the glass pane. "Our docket is clear as of right now Mr. Reese, so it leaves us time to have an unpleasant conversation." John looked to Finch grateful to get back to business and allow the subject of him and Joss to fade away.

"What?"

"During your time tied up, did Kara tell you anything about what her agenda was?" Finch asked. He didn't want to cause John unnecessary pain by bringing up what had nearly happened to Jocelyn but it was necessary that they talk about what Kara was up to. If the target was the machine they needed to know what happened and what Kara had done.

John's gaze darkened. "No, she only really beeped in and out to let us hear her kill men and women with only crumbs about her plan, to remember our past, and remind me she was in control of Joss's future." John admitted softly. They needed to find Kara Stanton because there was going to be a whole host of dead bodies left in the wake of her need for revenge. She would not care who got in her way. And there was only one way he knew how to stop Kara Stanton and this time he would not hesitate to kill her. Not this time. She nearly killed Joss.

"I don't believe she stole anything, Mr. Reese, I believe she uploaded a virus into the government's systems. That DOD facility has a section called Applied Research, it monitors all government systems, including the machine," Finch said his sinking suspicion out loud, thinking of possible repercussions if his ideas were true.

"And you think the machine was the target?" John asked.

"I do, John. I believe whoever she worked for knew about the machine. I think Ms. Stanton uploaded a virus meant to crash the machine as I hacked the DOD facility and they have not reported anything being taken."

"How long is it going to take?" John wondered out loud.

Finch sighed. "That's the million dollar question, Mr. Reese. It could take weeks or months, the machine's drives are enormous, and so it will take a while for the virus to start impeding the machine's functions."

"Are you saying the machine might not issue any numbers?" John demanded.

"That's what I'm saying."

"How do we stop it from crashing?"

"There is nothing we can do as of right now. Unfortunately I cannot hack into the machine because every government agency would be searching for us."

John stared at him. "So if the target was the machine, there's no way to stop the virus from crashing it?" he asked feeling a sense of guilt wash over him and Harold merely shook his head in affirmative. "Well you built it. What will happen when the machine crashes, Finch?"

Finch hesitated to talk about this, to tell John the truth. Everything was interconnected and John's life had gone off course because of him. Harold and his former employee, Mr. Dillinger, were why John went on his unfortunate trip to Ordos and why he wasn't able to get to Jessica in time. Mr. Reese's life had been irrevocably changed forever and he had played a role in it. So he needed to tread very carefully to keep this man as his friend. He didn't want to lose John.

"What's this machine?" both he and Harold whirled around and saw Shaw standing there, hands thrust in her pockets.

"What are you doing here?" John asked. Harold breathed in a sigh of relief as her presence ceased their conversation. It would give him a chance to figure out how to tell John the partial truth of what had happened.

Shaw eyed him and shrugged. "My leads on Root dried up even with your hot girlfriend's help, so I figured to come back and figure out you and Harold," she admitted. She slowly moved to Bear, who wagged his tail happily when she petted him.

"Not much to us, Ms. Shaw. We help people in need," Harold summarized.

"Carter isn't my girlfriend," John added.

Shaw cocked a brow at Reese. Did he seriously think she would ever believe that shit? "Who are you trying to help this time?" she asked, sounding mildly curious.

Harold eyed John before looking back at Ms. Shaw. "As of right now, no one, we haven't received our new…number," Finch finished slowly. He didn't want to tell the truth but it seemed that Ms. Shaw had been listening in on their conversation for much longer than she was letting on and if he lied they were never going to be able to gain her trust.

"Number?"

"Social security numbers, Shaw, that's how the machine gives us who we help," John muttered taking his cues from Finch. It seemed he wanted to let Shaw in on about the machine. He had to agree, lying to her wasn't going to work. "Your Research and the machine are one in the same, they are an Artificial Intelligence."

"I worked for an A.I.?"

"Yes, didn't you ever wonder why your information was so accurate?" John asked.

Shaw shrugged. "No, Cole did and he died because of it."

"That's because the government kills anyone that learns about the machine, Ms. Shaw. You just so happen to have been collateral damage as they weren't sure if your partner told you his suspicions or not," Harold explained.

"Reese said you built it," she murmured and as Harold suspected, that meant she had been listening in on their conversation for a while.

"I did," Harold conceded. "I built the machine to stop the next 9/11, but the machine saw all kinds of violent crimes, so I taught it to separate them into two lists. The numbers that were threats to national security were relevant and violent crimes of everyday people were irrelevant. The numbers you received when you worked for the ISA were from the relevant list while John and I work the irrelevant list," Finch explained reluctantly.

Shaw nodded. But now knowing what it was that they did, how they got their information, made her more curious about their work. They worked for the same entity she used to, but just not the relevant numbers. It might not be as exciting as the ISA but maybe working with Finch and Reese would still give her that thirst for adventure she was craving. Getting Root could be her secondary mission once the trail that ran cold grew warm again.

Shaw glanced at Reese. "So how did Finch recruit you?" she asked flatly. Shaw wanted to know and understand this man better. She doubted he was like her, that needed the adventure. He seemed more laid back. Kind of quiet and brooding a lot but laid back.

"It's a long story," he murmured.

"We got time," Shaw said. "No one is on the docket, remember."

"Does that mean you are going to help work the numbers, Ms. Shaw?" Harold asked, trying to draw the conversation off of John.

Shaw eyed Reese before turning to Harold. "I'll give it a go, just once. If it's lame I'm done," she said before turning back to Reese. "How did he recruit you?—did he wave Carter in front of you?"

"I was a homeless man after the CIA burned me and I was one step from killing myself when Joss entered my life. Joss and Harold were working together on the numbers before they found me and from what I gather, Finch had been looking for me and watching me for a long time," he said tersely with a look to Harold who glanced down before he pinned Shaw with a look. "Joss and Harold saved me from myself, gave me a reason to go on, Shaw."

She stared at Reese, not perturbed by his anger. "Why were you going to kill yourself?"

"None of your business," he said coldly.

"Fine, I'll ask your girlfriend. How did the CIA burn you?"

He exhaled as yet again Shaw called Joss his girlfriend. "They had tried to pit my partner and I against one another and for good measure launched a cruise missile at the compound we were in," he said, giving her the Cliffnotes version.

Shaw had a feeling he was leaving out vital information but that was okay. She didn't need to know everything, just enough to know if she could trust him to have her back in the field. Shaw had a strong sense that this man would die before he would let anyone hurt her which was all she needed to know.

* * *

Her back door opened. Taylor grinned. "John's here," he announced happily and Joss nodded.

Her son had been immediately concerned when he saw the gash on her forehead, so had her momma when she went to go pick up her boy this morning, following the harrowing events with Kara. She told them about being in a car accident with John, that their car had collided with a truck but just left off everything else. There was no reason worrying her son more than he was already and her mother would never understand. Joss had taken a verbal ass whooping from her mother for not telling her about the car accident sooner as it was. She could only imagine getting a true ass whooping if she told her mother everything. Her momma scared the bejesus out of her.

"I know, I'll be right back, please don't come into the mud room. John and I are going to have a discussion," she ordered and her son eyed her and nodded.

"Yes, mom, I do not want to listen to you two have your first fight," he agreed raising the television. ESPN was now blaring.

Joss shook her head, letting her boy believe what he wanted. For one thing she wasn't going to go yell at John or get into a fight. She needed to give him the lowdown on what she told her son about the visible injuries they had. And secondly even if she was going to go have a fight with John it wouldn't be their first. She slid out of the living room, missing her boy's smirk as she breezed past her kitchen to halt John's descent from the mud room.

He was tugging off his suit blazer and turned to see her standing there. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," she greeted right back. "Okay, my son and momma think we were in a car accident."

John nodded at her. "We were."

"But I left off the fact that Kara murdered Donnelly, we were both handcuffed, and then kidnapped," she said dryly. Joss stepped close, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Taylor knows somewhat of what you really do but I didn't want to scare him for our safety and I can't tell my momma who you really are. She only knows that you're former military like me. And I gave her all the information of who John Warren is."

He rested his hands on her hips. "I won't say anything that will cause you problems with them. They'll never know what truly happened," he whispered. He preferred to not think of what Kara almost had done to Joss either.

"How are you feeling?" Joss asked gently. She didn't want to bring up Kara but she needed to know where he was at emotionally.

John eyed her questioningly. "I'm fine but then again I wasn't the one strapped with a bomb vest." he murmured.

"John, I'm okay, I can handle Kara Stanton. A land mine couldn't get me neither can that psycho." she said as she kneaded his muscles in his shoulders. She was already beginning to heal from her most recent brush with death but it would need time. "So what did Harold have to say this morning?" she teased as she changed the subject not wanting him to dwell on it.

"Nothing really, you were right, he doesn't care," John admitted softly.

She grinned. "I told you so." she said which earned herself a look. "What?—I'm not gloating too badly. Not as bad as I did when I get to have you in my bathtub all slicked up with bubbles." she informed him, wanting to giggle as his look turned into a scowl. "Thought I forgot about that bubble bath you owe me? Well I didn't. It's still on for next weekend," she reminded him. The world was going to have to end for that to not happen. She wasn't going to let Kara take away her happiness or John's.

"Joy," he said, sounding anything but happy.

"You'll love it," she said with a snicker.

John doubted it. But he would enjoy seeing her naked and wet. He dipped his head and kissed her. Joss sighed as she kissed him back, sliding her arms around his neck. John gently drew on her lips wanting more which she happily gave before he deepened the kiss and slipped his one hand into her hair massaging her scalp as the other gently teased her cheekbone.

Joss melted into the kiss for several moments, not wanting it to end because John was a really good kisser but reluctantly pulled away. She nibbled on his chin truly afraid her son's curiosity would get the better of him. Taylor was a good boy but he was curious and would surely want to know what was taking them so long. She didn't need her son to walk in and see them and then her and John would have to try to explain. And she doubted that John wouldn't bolt out the door if her son caught them kissing.

"Mmm, let's go watch some television with Taylor, he's missed you," she said, turning on her heels to enter her kitchen.

"By chance is he staying at his grandmother's tonight?" he asked gently, wondering if he would be staying the night or going home early.

She smiled, pausing at the refrigerator to grab him and herself a beer, and a soda for her boy. "Nope, we have to keep our hands to ourselves," she said, sliding the fridge door closed.

"I can if you can," John muttered and she grinned as he followed her out to the living room, seeing Taylor lounging on the couch.

"Hey Mr. Badass," Taylor said with a smile.

Taylor was proud of himself for not doing a fist pump for joy about what he just saw even though he had hopped up and down, dancing all the way back into the living room in happiness. Taylor knew his mom would have been mad (not upset) if she caught him watching them but he couldn't help his curiosity. They had been gone for a while and he hadn't heard her yelling and that's what he walked up on: John seriously kissing his mom! It wasn't some light peck on the lips either. Taylor didn't particularly like watching his mom making out but he hadn't been able to stop the level of excitement over the fact that his mom was making out with John! That had to mean something as he had been hoping something would happen between them. So was Grandma.

But the fact that his mom hadn't wanted him to come into the mud room at all, letting him think she was going to yell at John, it seemed like they were trying to keep the thing between them a secret. Taylor wondered if it was for John's benefit because of John's old issues. He knew his mom would have told him by now. Especially John since his mom had admitted to really liking him, so if she was keeping mum it was for John's sake. And he didn't want to lose John or make his mom lose him so he was going to keep what he just witnessed to himself.

"Good evening Taylor," John murmured as he patted Taylor on the knee as he walked to the sofa chair and slid down while Joss plopped beside her son and handed him his Mountain Dew.

"Want to watch a movie?" Taylor asked.

John shrugged. "Sure," he agreed and Joss stared at John wanting to tear his clothes off. He was sitting like he owned the damn place. She watched as his face softened as he talked to her son as they discussed which movie to watch.

She absently listened to them as she thought about something that had been on her mind for a while now. "You know," she spoke up earning both her son's gaze and John's. "I am thinking of luring Joan here one night for dinner."

"Joan?" Taylor asked, furrowing his brow trying to remember this said woman.

"Joan is a homeless woman at the encampment I finagled John out of. She is a hoot and she means a lot to John and me."

Taylor glanced at Mr. Badass and smirked. His mom was getting to him, judging by the look he was giving her. Taylor had seen enough of those looks at school from Hayley, John was giving his mom the heart eyes.

"You'll have to make her your chicken enchiladas, mom, those are your specialty," Taylor suggested.

John felt sentimental over the fact that Joss wanted to cook Joan dinner and looked away as he cleared his throat. He didn't know if Joss would succeed in luring her here, he never could lure her to his place but she'd like the gesture behind it.

"Yea, she'd like that," John said quietly as he quickly sipped his beer.

Taylor noted that John's attention was diverted, so he looked to his mom and leaned in close. "He's giving you the heart eyes, mom," he whispered so John couldn't hear, trying hard to pretend he didn't know anything. Maybe when John was gone he could tell his mom he knew. Nah, then he'd get a lecture for not listening to her. He was better off pretending he didn't know a thing.

"Quiet, Romeo," she huffed softly. "So what movie are we watching?—seeing as I am the only woman I know I'll be outvoted for a romance flick." she said loudly. Taylor and John both made faces and she sighed. "How about Inception?" she suggested.

Taylor smiled. "Yes!" he agreed immediately handing her his soda before popping up to go grab the DVD and drop it in. Joss slid her gaze onto John and smiled at him which he returned.

* * *

AN: If you have been waiting waiting for Jealous John next chapter is the one for you :) Kara Stanton pokes her head in again in the future, she's kind of the looming issue they have to deal with as they get back to working numbers and looking for the consequences of what happened to them. Since they don't have the hard-drive that John gives them in 2x13 on the show, mine they don't know exactly what's going on but have their suspicions. Thanks for reading!


	38. Chapter 38

_**AN: There is some smut in this towards the bottom :D**_

* * *

Days came and went after the nightmare that Kara put John and Joss through without any glaring ramifications from what had happened. No news story about a cyber-attack or any difference in the machine's operations. And things sort of got back to normalcy, but the ordeal was at the back of her mind as she returned to work and John was back to working the numbers. Physically they were healing from the accident, her wrists were scabbed over, and emotionally they were getting there. She felt more at ease now knowing the case over the man-in-the-suit was permanently put to bed by the FBI thanks to Snow's demise. With the FBI classifying the man-in-the-suit as Snow, the NYPD's task forces dissolved and John promising he would wear gloves from now on, she breathed in a big sigh of relief. Joss just wished Snow hadn't killed that innocent scientist he had been with. But with the awful waiting game for Kara to show her face again and whatever she had done at the DOD facility to start showing consequences, they were all pretty tense still.

Since Shaw learned about the machine, she decided to try out a case to see if it was too dull for her or not. Her first case was a doozy too; they received two new numbers that happened to be married: Sabrina and Daniel Drake, co-publishers, and published an indictment of Wade Huggins' of the Maryland Militia. Which could have been the threat but no, not for these two, they both were the victims and perpetrators as both had hired people to kill each other. Getting a divorce would have been just easier. John had gotten her a name of Santiago, who had gone after the wife, and she put in a request with Narcotics to find out more about him after she pulled his name.

Joss glanced up from her paperwork when she felt a presence by her desk and noted standing in front of it was a very nice looking African American man just peering down at her. "May I help you?" she asked.

"You may if you're Detective Carter," he said.

"I am," she agreed pointing to her nameplate.

He smiled. "I'm Detective Cal Beecher from Narcotics."

Joss smiled. "Just the man I need."

"I hope," he agreed, as he glanced over her. Joss frowned at the flirty smile but shrugged it off. "You requested to speak with someone about Santiago, what's going on with him?" Beecher asked, immediately getting professional.

Joss hesitated. "He might be connected to a homicide. Anything you can do to shed light on his whereabouts?" she asked which wasn't the complete truth but it wasn't fully a lie. If they didn't find Santiago and stop what was going to happen then there most likely would be a homicide happening. Drake hired him to take his wife out.

"Not off hand, he was a small time dealer, started to use his own product and took a dive down the rabbit hole. I caught him selling in Hell's Kitchen; no shoes, no shirt and a .45 tucked into his jockey's."

"How did he get off with so little time?" she wondered.

"Good lawyer, what did Santiago do that connects him to a homicide?" Cal asked.

"I can't bring you onto this one, Beecher, sorry." It wasn't a police sanctioned investigation to bring him on and she couldn't let anyone know about the fact that the man in the suit was very much alive and kicking.

"I know the drill. Homicide task force is first class and the rest of us are coach."

"It's not like that," she countered, annoyed he thought she was snooty like that.

"I'm just busting your balls, Carter, it's always good to have one of you task force's to owe me a favor," he flirted. "Especially one that smells like rose petals instead of an ashtray."

Now she knew Beecher was flirting with her. He was cute but he was no John. "It's Jasmine," she corrected.

Cal smiled. "Well whatever it is makes you smell really nice, Carter. But, listen, one of my undercovers is working with a dealer Santiago used to do business with, let me see what I can dig up for you," Beecher offered.

"I would definitely owe you one," she replied gently.

Cal Beecher nodded. "I look forward at cashing it in," he murmured and with that he turned and walked away. She shook her head and laughed it off. It was flattering. Joss grabbed her pencil and proceeded to get back to her paperwork before Harold, Shaw, or John called for a favor and set her back an hour or two.

* * *

It was evening and Joss sat with John on a stakeout of Mr. Daniel Drake, with Shaw (that John was keeping an eye on) keeping watch on the same building as they were but from a different angle. Shaw was connected with them via the earwigs, while Fusco was brought in against his will to watch Mrs. Drake.

It was quiet inside the car, too quiet. She and John were always comfortable in silence together but for some reason tonight something seemed up. John was being uncharacteristically short with her, his answers to her questions were clipped and concise like he didn't want her here or something even though he asked her to tag along, and she had no idea why. She knew he was tense with worry over what happened with the DOD facility and with could have happened to her due to Kara. But he hadn't been like this the last couple days. Actually he had been better than she had been anticipating. She had thought he was going to push her away thanks to Kara rearing her ugly head again but he hadn't. John had been quieter than normal, brooded more, but he hadn't shut her out. Joss studied his profile wondering what was up as he looked through the binoculars to the building Drake was in. She wanted to ask him what was wrong but didn't want to do so with Shaw listening in. She tried to think up of anything she might have said that had upset him but nothing came to mind.

When uncomfortable silence continued to drape around them nearly becoming unbearable, she couldn't stop herself. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked gently.

"Nothing," he said immediately, not even bothering to look at her.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not nothing, you haven't said more than two words to me this entire stakeout, you're not usually talkative on these but I get at least a few sentences here and there," she said as gently as she could. "Whatever it is, tell me so I can make it better." Maybe with days after what happened with Kara was when he was going to try push away. But she wasn't going to let him. She was just going to have to talk him through it or need be: yell at him through it.

John turned to look at her. "If you want to go out with him you can," he said and she blinked in surprise. Because first that hadn't been what she was all geared up for and secondly because she had absolutely no idea what the hell he was talking about.

"What are you talking about?—go out with who?" she asked profoundly perplexed.

"That Detective Beecher from Narcotics that came by your precinct earlier today, the one that was flirting with you and obviously interested in you, you can go out with him if you want," he explained quietly.

Joss felt a hot lick of anger surge into her instantly. "You were listening in on that conversation?!" she demanded. Joss mentally counted to ten trying to calm down. This was why he was being so quiet, so distant with her because he thought she wanted to date another guy! Joss wanted to shoot him in the kneecap!

"I'm always listening to you when you're at work," he answered.

She narrowed her eyes and knew he was overprotective but it still rubbed her wrong that he was listening in on her at work, like she needed babysitting.

"When we aren't on a stakeout working a number, you and I are going to have a long damn discussion about the fact that you are still listening in on my conversations at work. I don't need you or Finch placing my desk under surveillance!"

"We care," he said nonchalantly.

"I know you do but I don't need it. You can take the training wheels off John, I've been a damn cop for a long time now, much longer than we've known one another," she snapped angrier about Beecher than about him listening in on her.

John turned to look at her in confusion. "That's not why we are doing it and you know it. But you're upset."

"No, I'm pissed. Remember there _is_ a difference," she sniped.

"Why are you mad?"

"Geez, I don't know, John, maybe it's because I don't want Cal Beecher! He flirted with me, not the other way around." Joss might have looked but she wasn't blind, Cal was a nice looking man, but she wanted only one man: the one that currently making her so angry she didn't doubt she could spit fire at the moment.

"I know, but I don't want you to pass up an opportunity to be with a man that is better for you than I am, out of propriety or some misguided attempt to protect my feelings," he said. "Our relationship isn't like that: we're friends."

Joss felt the urge to punch him rising. Was he this utterly clueless or was he testing how short of a fuse she had on her temper? "Have you ever thought of the fact that maybe I don't want to go out with Beecher?" she demanded hotly.

"Carter," and that ignited the fuse as he referred to her as 'Carter' as he tended to do during working numbers, but when they were alone together like now, just themselves, she was Joss. She narrowed her eyes on him.

" _I wish I had some popcorn this is better than the shit that's on TV_ ," Shaw commented, reminding her she was listening to them but it didn't really matter anymore because she was about ten seconds away from strangling John when her phone rang. Joss angrily tugged it out, seeing it was Beecher.

She answered it. "Hello," she snapped venomously, eyes still on John. "Any news on Santiago?" she demanded. John was so lucky that her phone rang!

"Yea, talked to my guy and he said Santiago had been asking a lot about needing to access some publishing building in mid-town, that he needed to get in there tonight," Beecher said hesitantly.

"Thanks," hanging up without another word. "Sounds like Santiago is on his way to see Mrs. Drake," she muttered, seizing her professionalism while internally her body buzzed with anger.

John nodded. "I'll text Fusco to keep his eyes peeled," he murmured, tugging his phone out and once he was done texting Fusco, she grabbed his hand to earn his attention. She wasn't done driving home her point that she got to choose who she dated, what she did, not him. He might think Cal was better suited for her than he was but she never asked for his opinion of himself or what was best for her. John just wouldn't see the simple fact that he was a good man and had a lot to offer her. Sure he might have to hide in the shadows but she didn't need a conventional relationship. She just needed love and he loved her truly and deeply, whether he knew it or not.

"About Beecher, John, I don't want to go out with him anymore than you want me to go out with him. You don't fool me, John, you don't want to share," she explained. She was extremely close at blowing them out of the water but wanted to wait and see. So far she had done everything right and she wasn't going to make a giant mistake with John because of one fight.

John stared at her. Joss was right, he didn't want her to date another man, share her with anyone, but it wasn't fair. Their relationship was agreed upon as casual and friendly, it wasn't fair to Joss if someone better came along for her than him and she let him go because she thought it might hurt him. He wanted Joss happy, even if her happiness with someone else would crush him.

And what that could mean frightened him, and he looked away. "I don't care what you do," John disagreed.

"Fine maybe I will go out with him. I mean since you are granting me _permission_ ," she sneered as the lid on her anger exploded off.

He frowned. What was the matter? He was trying to do the right thing here and she was getting angry at him. "Fine," he agreed darkly. "Have fun with Beecher," he muttered but his voice was hallow.

"Oh I will," she guaranteed. "Maybe I'll dust off one of my dresses that I haven't gotten to wear for you." she murmured out loud.

Shaw piped up, " _Sluttier the better_ ," over the earwig, reminding them again they weren't alone.

"Shut up, Shaw," John growled before he muted her.

Joss shrugged. "Why not?—I mean you just told me to go out with him since it doesn't bother you so I can look like the happy hooker if I so choose!" she said heatedly.

John curled his hands into fists imagining Beecher eyeing Joss in a dress with a low cut, he'd snap his neck if his eyes dipped below her chin. Joss grabbed the door handle. "Where are you going?" John demanded as she opened the door.

"I don't really want to sit in the car with you anymore. You have Shaw to help you with Drake if you need it and Fusco is keeping watching on Mrs. Drake," she said coolly. "I think I'll go home and be a giggly teenager, chew some bubble gum as I doodle Cal's name in hearts." she snapped as she slammed the door shut so angry she was seeing red. How dare he do this, pretending he didn't care, he didn't want her to date Cal or anyone else for that matter!

" _Way to go, Reese_! _You'd better work on your groveling because Carter's good and pissed_ ," Shaw said, sounding amused. John frowned as he turned to watch Joss storm away from his car. Yep she was furious and she was most definitely leaving. He was caught between working the number and going after her. But what would he say? " _Shit, Reese, some action finally, someone cut the power to the Drakes' home_." Shaw stated, sounding happy, making him look back at the building Drake was in. Well, the choice was made for him and he climbed out of the car and hurried to go make sure whoever Mrs. Drake hired didn't get away with murder.

* * *

Joss hadn't seen hide nor hair of John after she left him in his car at the stakeout the previous night, he was giving her a wide berth. And she hadn't exactly attempted to go out of her way to call him up. She needed some time to cool down. They didn't see each other until they very professionally finished the Drakes' numbers. As there was no way to call off the dogs that Sabrina and Daniel Drake hired to off each other, they had to get creative and lure the hired gunmen to the Drakes' home and use the couple as bait.

It had been tense between her and John at the Drakes' home. John was quiet around her, just giving her the plan, and she responded in kind, mutely nodding that she understood. Joss wanted an apology from John about what he said and for him to admit to not wanting her to date any other guy. And until he did both: she wasn't calling or seeing him. Sometimes you just had to play hardball to get what you wanted and this was one of those times.

Fusco was weirded out by their rather obvious squabble because he gave them shifty looks before shaking his head. But she ignored everyone as she stood resolutely in the corner of the Drakes' home waiting for the hired hitmen to arrive while she fumed and imagined how John would apologize to her. John had stood across the room eyes on her which she ignored before exiting and hiding out in the kitchen that was being remodeled. And when finally the gunmen showed up, Shaw had gotten excited as she got some action in shooting kneecaps and beating up one of the guys. John and Shaw had to make a hasty retreat when the police were called to come to arrest everyone, including the Drakes which brought her to where she was currently.

It was in the wee morning with the sun coming up after they had to wait most of the night for the killers to arrive and then apprehend them, then call for backup. She turned and saw Beecher walking up. She sighed, she wished he wasn't here. He was the reason behind her and John's first official 'real' fight and she just didn't want to deal with him.

"Just another quiet night on the task force. Wish I'd seen this party with my own eyes," Beecher said with a smile as he eyed the squad cars full of arrested individuals including Santiago.

"Thanks for the assist Beecher, couldn't done it without you," she said as they fell into step with each other.

"I don't know about that. You seem very capable," Beecher said.

She nodded. "Even so, it's nice to have help every once in a while,"she said, feeling like she needed a good long sleep. That would help the irritation she was feeling.

"Well if that's the case than, Cal Beecher at your service ma'am," he said playfully.

She smiled gently. "Still owe you one," she admitted.

"Normally I'd ask for a bottle of something strong but what about dinner instead?" Cal asked and she froze. Joss had known it was coming and even though she was tempted to go out with him just to make John jealous as can be she just didn't want to. She didn't want to go out with Cal, didn't want to pretend or lead him on. She didn't want anyone but her befuddled John.

But before she could say one word to let him down, she felt a possessive touch on her forearm. "Baby, there you are." Joss blinked in surprise. Not sure which surprised her more: the fact that as she turned she saw John standing there grabbing a hold of her arm tightly or the fact that he was calling her 'baby'. "I was so worried when you didn't come home and you didn't call me. You let me worry all night! Your partner called me about an hour ago to let me know you were alright." John said and Joss stared him incredulously. She nearly reached up to touch his forehead to look for a fever.

"…you…uh…" she stuttered, flustered. John smiled warmly and it lit up his entire face and Joss nearly forgot to breathe as she was the recipient of it, before he leaned over her and kissed her shortly but lingering. He pulled back and she wanted to take another sip at those damn lips of his but he curled her into his body as he turned to look at Beecher.

"Is this your partner that I should thank?" he asked before addressing Beecher. "Joss gets so wrapped up in her cases that she sometimes forgets that there are people that care about her, waiting for her in her bed." he said and Joss groaned inwardly. Surely Beecher could figure out they were already sleeping together without needing to be hit over the head with it.

"Er…" she started and then stopped because for the life of her she couldn't drum up anything. John rendered her speechless with his jealous and possessive display.

Beecher smiled, needing no explanation. This guy was staking his claim, clearly seeing his interest in his girlfriend and was telling him to back off not so subtly. Cal didn't know she was seeing anyone, if he had he wouldn't have tried to ask her out. "No, I'm not, I'm Beecher—her co-worker. I just helped on this case," he said.

"John Warren," he greeted as they shook hands. John wanted to rip his arm off but Joss would be upset with him for dismembering the guy so he just tightened his grip on Beecher's hand as he gave it a sufficient shake. John sincerely hoped this man was understanding perfectly clear that Joss was his or he would have no problem ripping this Beecher apart regardless if Joss would get angry or not. John stared into the man's eyes and relaxed his hold on the man's hand as the message was received. Beecher understood him perfectly.

Joss rolled her eyes at both men. Beecher was bowing down to Alpha-male John and John was acting like a dog marking his territory. "Carter, get me a bottle of Jack for the assist and we'll call it even," Beecher said backtracking, she nodded with a smile.

Joss barely gave Beecher a glance as he walked away, she stared at John. "What the hell are you thinking?" she demanded quietly. Didn't he understand that they needed to tread carefully with his man-in-the-suit routine? He was finally wearing gloves for her but he couldn't just show up to crime scenes! It was still too fresh with people believing Mark Snow was the guy in the suit and they needed it to stay that way.

John tugged her away from the crime scene with a distinct glare at Lionel. Fusco nodded his head understanding the look. ' _Take care of things'_ it said and Fusco rolled his eyes, just because he figured it out about the two of them didn't mean he wanted to know that Reese was about to jump his partner's bones. Gross. The two must have had a doozy of a fight because Carter had barely given wonder-boy a look during the takedown of the hitmen. It had actually made him chuckle to himself at the longing in wonder-boy's eyes to get back on the good side of Carter. If anyone could make the big guy sweat and fidget it was his partner.

Joss sputtered and grumbled trying to wrench her arm free as John tugged her to his car which was parked like a mile away from the crime scene. His long strides made her nearly have to sprint to keep up with him.

"Uh, John, let me go!" she blustered and tugged on her arm, but he had a firm and tight grasp on it as he practically dragged her to his car. "You owe me a damn apology!" she stated defiantly. She wasn't going anywhere with him until he gave her what she deserved.

He did let her go finally when he had her pinned up against his car door. "You were thinking about going out with him." he said, trying to not snarl. He didn't think she would actually do it.

"As I recall you told me you didn't care," she reminded him, pushing a hand on his chest trying to get some space between them. But he didn't budge a single inch.

"Carter…"

Her eyes narrowed as he again used her last name. "If I did tell him yes to dinner it would be only because you made me, John," she added, knowing she had no intention of agreeing to a date but she saw the swirling emotions in his eyes. He was angry, well so was she, but more than that, he was jealous. John stood there staring at her for a few minutes. "Apologize to me or move the hell out of my way!" she demanded.

When he didn't do either she once again tried to push him so she could free herself from being pinned between his hard body and his car door. But he made an unusual sound, close to a growl, as he grabbed her cheeks firmly and kissed her. She sucked in a ragged breath, it wasn't tender, rather it was possessive and laying claim on her. She slid her arms around his and kissed him back just as savagely. And she moaned as her back hit his car door and he pressed her up against it as he deepened the kiss, truly losing himself in the moment, uncaring who saw them.

Yes, yes, yes, her heart screamed, while her mind was kind of miffed at the fact that he still hadn't apologized yet. She curled her hands into his hard muscled shoulders as she felt his tongue at the seam of her lips, seeking entrance, which she happily gave. She slid her hands down his body and grabbed his butt pulling him more firmly against her. He released her lips to drag his tongue down her neck. Okay, maybe makeup sex first then the much deserved apology she was owed. She didn't think she could last much longer without him inside her. Her body yearned for his touch so damn much.

"God, John, get me home..." she moaned.

"Right here is fine," he countered as he tugged his back door to his car open.

She shook her head. Was he insane? It was light out with the sun rising. "No it most certainly isn't! Anyone could see us," she protested halfheartedly but groaned as he easily pushed her into his backseat and climbed on top of her slamming the door closed enclosing them in silence except for their ragged breathing.

"It won't take long," he stated fiercely as his head was bent as he tore her shoes off and undid her pants. Joss reached out brushing her hand against the rather large bulge in his pants. Thank god he was just as hard as she was wet. At least he needed this nearly as much as she did, maybe his body yearned for her touch too.

John had her pants and panties off her in record time, while he kissed her as he undid his fly. Joss moaned into the kiss as it was awkward as hell in the backseat of his car. It wasn't as cramped as she figured it would be, but she was afraid some of her co-workers would see her and she'd be arrested for lewd contact or something. She pushed free of his mouth.

"John, if I get arrested for indecent exposure I will never forgive you!" she hissed as he pushed his pants and boxer-briefs down enough to spring free.

"Live a little, detective." he moaned as he positioned himself at her entrance and entered her on one smooth thrust. She grabbed at his shoulder desperately with one hand and his butt in the other as he began to move. Her tailbone dug into the seat belt clutch, biting into her on each hard thrust, but it went heedless as his hands were holding her hips tightly.

John was awkwardly lying on her as his big and long body wasn't made for having sex in the back seat of his car. But it didn't matter. His only thought was her and her warm vagina squeezing him.

"I'm the only one you want, aren't I?" he demanded as he timed a slow stroke that made her emit a low cry as she flung her head back finally forgetting about where she was and enjoying the moment.

"Yes, god yes," she answered breathlessly as his cock stroked inside her, touching her deeply.

"Mine," he whispered hoarsely as he let go of her one hip to hitch her one leg up to change the angle of his penetration, she let go of his butt, and raised a hand above her, grabbing the armrest as he kept an even tempo that had the thigh in his warm palm twitch.

Her soft moans which he took as a request for more, spurred him to push into her a little harder than before. He tried to curb the urge to pound inside her to reach that orgasm that was just out of reach because her head was dangerously close to hitting the closed door. He hated this, there wasn't enough room to fuck Joss the way he wanted, but it would hold him off until he got her alone and to himself in a bed or something equally sturdy and with lots of room to move. John bit his lip as her sex clutched his tightly, her eyes opened as she came, and he caught her mouth swallowing her cries. He had his front window cracked open.

He released her lips as his need to find his own climax pushed forefront in his mind as he pinned her to the seat and fucked her hard as she moaned over and over again into his ear, her climax kick-starting his ad he stiffened against her as he came, sighing her name into her ear. He didn't know how long he laid on her as he came down off his high before he leaned his head up as he dragged in ragged pants and noted that it seemed abnormally quiet on the street where he was parked. After several minutes of relaxing he let go of her leg, regretfully withdrew from her warm home, and fixed his pants.

Joss looked hot as hell in his car as she laid with her legs spread and with a dazed look on her glowing face. "I haven't had sex in the back of a car since my teenage years," she admitted unevenly. "It's just as awkward as I remember it but this time around it was much more satisfying," she whispered with a small smile residing on her pretty, satisfied face.

"I'm sorry." he whispered as he sat between her legs, still drawing in ragged pants and rubbing a hand across his face. Damn it, he had lost his cool, and just had sex with Joss in the backseat of his car in front of the world.

She eyed him from where she laid happily. "For what, the sex?—don't be, John." Sex with John was amazing anywhere they engaged in the activity.

"I meant…"

"Oh, for telling me that it didn't matter to you that I dated another guy, that? Just don't tell me you don't give a damn if I date another man, because you're a liar. John, I know we agreed to keep this casual but I don't want you with another woman any more than you want me with another man," she told him slowly. Joss wiggled to sit up and reached for her panties. She couldn't lay half naked forever. They lucked out not having every pervert within a five mile radius seeing them fucking in the back of his car.

John held out her pants to her. "So what do we do?" he asked.

Joss shifted her gaze onto him. "First you're going to apologize for what you said to me yesterday," she said, even though she already forgave him. She still wanted and deserved the apology.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

She nodded. "Thank you and secondly, John, how about we just be honest with each other: if you or I do meet someone that we want to date, we have a civil conversation and explain it to one another? I didn't want to date Cal, you thought I did. If I wanted to date him I would have told you," she said as she wiggled to tug her slacks up and managed to close them. Now that she was dressed she could relax. She'd get her shoes back on in a minute. Joss leaned against him. "Does that sound like a good idea?" she asked with a soft pat on his strong thigh.

"Yea," he agreed. It was much better than how he handled it.

She smiled. "Good, because honestly, John, I just want you," she said, wanting him to get used to the idea that she didn't want anyone else. Every moment they spent together was a new thread that was slowly being woven together, binding them. Their lives were intertwining more and more, making her wonder if John was as clueless to his feelings as she first figured. Their fight over Cal Beecher and his blatant possessive display might have actually given her new insight on where John was emotionally. Perhaps fear of putting voice to what he felt for her was the driving force behind his resistance of placing labels to what they really were. And if that was the case she was going to try her hardest at proving to him that he didn't need to be afraid of what he felt for her.

He returned the smile. "I only want you too, Joss," he conceded. And she breathed in a sigh of relief. Joss tugged on her pumps, feeling her body relax after their quickie in the backseat. Her body hummed with satisfaction but yet need. A quickie merely fueled her fire for him.

She leaned back and grabbed his hand and played with it. "Man, were you so jealous," she teased with a smug grin on her face.

"Hey, I wasn't any worse than you were with Maxine or Zoe."

She scoffed. "You basically laid claim on me, told Beecher we were having sex, then dragged me over here and had your way with me. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but I didn't do any of that so you were worse than me," she said with a playful smile.

"You did ask me if I slept with Zoe," he pointed out.

"Well you did eye her like you were drooling when you worked her number. And a girl can have her bad days," she huffed.

"No I didn't."

"Yea, you did!" she countered as she looked into his eyes. "But you're human, you're allowed to look, just as I am too," she said softly. "You want to come over and have dinner with me and Taylor?" she asked softly.

John smiled, allowing the disagreement over who got jealous more fade away. He had a sinking suspicion Joss was correct that he had been way more jealous. He had been ready to tear Beecher apart.

"Sure, if I don't have a number to work. You need to get some sleep too," he said gently.

She nodded. "So do you," she added. His sleeping habits were terrible, but she was going to pester him to sleep more. "So how do you think it went for Shaw on her first case she worked?" she wondered aloud. With them not talking she didn't know how everything went for Shaw.

He shrugged. "Fine, she wanted to go for headshots and needed constant reminding but she seemed to take to working them right away. I guess we'll just have to take it day by day with her," he said softly as he brushed some of her hair back.

"Stay out of trouble," she ordered with a soft brushing of her lips against his.

"Maybe I just like getting into trouble to have you come and bail me out of it," he purred, dropping another soft kiss on her lips.

Joss smiled as she nuzzled her nose against his. "You just enjoy getting into trouble."

"When I get you alone again you'll know how naughty I can be," he promised and stole another kiss before climbing out of the backseat of his car, reaching in to help her out. She shivered at the word naughty. John made it sound damn hot. She happily took his offered hand and stood up, she reached down while he slid the door closed and grabbed him through his pants, earning a soft grunt.

"Maybe I'll have to discipline you," she whispered.

John's eyes blazed with desire. "Careful detective, you might find yourself back in the back of my car again," he whispered throatily.

"I'm sure you'll be dreaming of it, I know I will," she teased as she reluctantly let him go and slid from between him and the door and sauntered off. John moaned as he watched her leave.

* * *

AN: Carter and Reese had their first official 'couple-ly' fight that John doesn't even know he had...or does he? XD Mmm jealous John sure is fun to write. I mean she even got a 'baby' out of him :D Next chapter Joan meets Shaw and harasses John about Joss, with another little goodie that I wished the show would have given us but didn't.

Thanks for reading!


	39. Chapter 39

_**AN: So since my friend is out at sea on her cruise (so lucky, Elaine!) I'll Find You is on hold. But I do have a couple of these and some Careese Themes to post that I do have back, so I'll post them.**_

* * *

Joss was nervous. She hadn't had a face to face sit down with her ex-husband since before the divorce. "Mom relax,"

She glanced at her son. "I'm trying too. But Paul and I haven't seen each other in years, not since he stopped by to tell me he was trying to change his life for you. Since then most contact was through court and highly uncomfortable phone calls, Taylor," she said with an impatient tap of her fingers against the linoleum tabletop, while her other hand reached up to flick some of her hair behind her ear.

Last night John had come over for dinner allowing Shaw to take care of the recon of their newest number. It was clear John was worried about Shaw's itchy trigger hand as he had been stressed and unable to enjoy dinner. He had snuck a kiss, bid her and her son a farewell and was gone without another word. She hoped everything went well.

But while John had been stressed about that, she had been stressed about her impending lunch with her ex-husband. John had offered to come with them but she declined because while it was sweet of him to offer and she wished she could be selfish enough to accept but couldn't. She knew that John had plans on going to the encampment to see Joan, to buy her lunch, and then try to lure Joan to her place for that home cooked meal she had ran by him the other night. And she didn't want to take out that time from him to see her. He hadn't gotten to see her in a few days and he was growing antsy. Joan was a huge part of John's life and Joss just wished Joan wasn't as stubborn as they were, if not more, by constantly refusing to come out of the encampment. John would be more settled if she would.

"I'm nervous too, mom," Taylor admitted. He wished this was easier for them all. He saw his dad on supervised visitations but when his mom approached him about spending an entire day and night at his dad's, he had to think about it. He loved his dad but he wasn't close to him, not by his choice. Taylor had wanted his dad in his life but growing up without him he had just gotten used to him not being there. But ultimately he had decided to try it out, spend the whole day and night with his dad. Maybe he could develop a real close relationship with him like he had with his mom and grandma. He swallowed hard as his dad entered. "He's here," he whispered.

Joss felt the nervous butterflies increase tenfold as she nodded, watching as Paul walked over towards them, but she was intent on making sure she didn't see any signs of the man he used to be. She still needed to sign off on allowing her son to stay the night with his dad. Taylor had agreed to one to see how it went for them, but she had the ultimate say. And if she even got wind that he wasn't as he claimed then it wasn't happening. But Paul had gotten the documentation to her lawyer (and friend) Toni and his sponsor seemed to think he was turning things around and working hard at it. She got a letter of recommendation from Paul's place of employment, she even called and they praised him. And as she watched Paul, he looked good and content, more so than ever, and she finally felt herself relax.

Taylor stood up and hugged his dad before they both sat down. "Hey Joss," Paul said politely.

"Hello Paul," she said equally polite. "How are you?" she added feeling awkward.

"Good and you?"

"I'm good," she assured him.

The waitress appeared with another menu for Paul and they each ordered a soda. The waitress walked away and they were left alone. Each of them picked up the menu to pretend to peruse it as it was somewhat uncomfortable. It was one thing talking on the phone with her ex-husband but another thing entirely to sit down with him for lunch. When the waitress appeared again they each ordered just a burger and fries.

"So, Joss, to get the business out of the way so we can enjoy our lunch…"

She nodded and motioned at her son. "Taylor, speaks his mind first, then we will go from there," she said. She already knew what her son wanted but she wanted Taylor to tell his dad himself.

"I'm willing to stay overnight one night," Taylor agreed and Paul smiled instantly.

"I'm so happy, Taylor, thank you," he said before looking at Joss seriously, knowing she was the real hurdle. She had the court papers that said supervised visitations. "Have you given thought to allowing him to stay with me?"

"I have and I'm willing to let him stay overnight. I looked through everything, had Toni look at your documentation you provided but ultimately the deciding factor was this lunch. I wanted to see you with my own eyes," she admitted. "I've known you at your worst Paul and I wanted to make for damn sure I didn't see that man here today."

Paul smiled. "You were always good at reading body language," he said slowly. "I hope you can see my change that you instigated. If you hadn't done what you did I might never have gotten the help I needed," Paul said choosing his words carefully. He didn't know how much their son knew and he wasn't proud of what had happened during the times of their troubled and failing marriage. Joss would always be in his heart as she was the mother of his son, but their relationship was a part of his past that he truly didn't want to ever revisit. It wasn't fair to lump Joss into it but it was the only way he knew how to cope with what happened: by owning his mistakes and take careful steps to make sure he never made them again. To do that he had needed a fresh start, try to be the best man he could be, and he so loved Caroline and Tyreese. Paul just knew his son would get along with Ty.

She nodded. "I got it from my mother as you well know. And you look good Paul and look happy. I'm glad you're in a better place now and now I have no more reservations about our son staying a night with you," she said sincerely.

Paul eyed her. "Thank you so much, Joss, I appreciate you giving me this chance to be a father to our son again."

"I didn't do anything, Paul, you worked your ass off for Taylor, who deserves it. You have nothing to thank me for. Just don't hurt him," she said simply, knowing Taylor was probably uncomfortable as they spoke about him as if he wasn't there but she didn't care at the moment. Taylor was trying to rebuild a relationship with his dad and Paul was trying to rebuild a relationship with his son, but the only feelings she cared about were Taylor's.

Paul looked at Taylor and then back to her. "Never, Taylor's my life."

Taylor shifted uncomfortably embarrassed as his parents talked about him. He vaguely listened as they talked about when this overnight stay could happen. The uncomfortable stilted conversation between them was about clear as glass but they were trying for his sake. But Taylor just wished his mom had taken up John's offer to come with them. He texted John: 'wish you were here, uncomfortable.' He smiled in relaxation when he got a return text from John of: 'talk sports'.

Taylor looked up as he set his phone down. "Do you watch the Yankees, dad?" he asked, using John's idea.

Paul grinned as the seriousness slid away and Joss leaned back relaxing. Good thing they decided to get the business talk done first, now they could try to enjoy their lunch together. Things weren't ever going to be rainbows and unicorns with her and Paul, but as long as they could make polite small talk when they dropped Taylor off then it would be fine.

"Love those Yankees," Paul admitted.

"Me too, Jeter is the best."

"He is and fortunately we have him for a few more years," Paul kept the conversation going.

Joss sat quietly just listening to her son talking sports with his dad when Taylor's phone caught her eye, rather more specifically, John's name caught her eye and she leaned forward to see. She smiled softly, feeling warm over John trying to relax her son with this lunch with his divorced parents meeting for the first time. The next time she saw John she was going to kiss him so hard he'd feel it the next day.

* * *

John entered the encampment quickly pocketing his cell phone after texting Taylor, finding Joan who was seated on the bench, her cart by her side.

Joan sat up better with a grin as she caught sight of him. "One of my two favorite people, where's your not-girlfriend at?" she asked as he approached her before looking past him.

"Same for us with you, and Joss couldn't make it. She had to meet with her ex-husband about their son," he said as he sat down beside her.

"That cute teen I saw her bring once?"

John nodded. "The same, he's a good kid."

"Well duh, he's got cop lady as a mother. She's good people so naturally she's got a good boy."

He smiled as he produced a sandwich from the white bag he held. "I got you Chicken." he said as he handed her the wrapped sandwich.

Joan eyed it suspiciously. "Not from the local fast food joint," she stated the obvious. John knew she would be unhappy because she didn't like him 'wasting' money on her when she could just get food at the local soup kitchen. But no matter how much he told her that he wasn't wasting a single penny on her she just never listened.

"Nope, I went upscale," he teased. "But don't worry it's nothing too fancy, it's one of those hipster places that Joss introduced me too. They have some good food for decent prices."

She unwrapped the sandwich eyeballing the largeness to the sandwich before she took a small bite to taste it. "Mmm, this is good." she agreed before she leaned into him to bump his shoulder. "You spoil me."

"Always," he agreed. "Now if you'd just agree to come out of the encampment you would make me happy," he prodded.

She snorted. "Nice try, John, you're going to need to do better than this fancy smancy chicken sandwich to get me to agree to that." Joan said.

"Name anything and I'll do it," he said immediately. "Please, Joan, you always were there for me. Tell me what I can do that will make you want to leave this place."

She laughed. "I didn't say anything would John. You know material things mean nothing to me, not since I lost Chris." she said softly.

"I know," he acknowledged. "But is it so wrong, moving on with your life, Joan?" he asked. He had thought a lot about that: moving on. If Joan couldn't, what hope did he have?

"John, my life stopped the moment my husband died."

"But maybe you'll find something else to live for," he said earnestly. Joan looked at him and smiled. He was so darn cute. She was going to have to tell his cop lady to keep up the good work at busting John out of that shell he crawled himself into.

"Tell you what, John, the moment you move on I'll give it a shot," she said earning herself a look of surprise. But she couldn't promise him anything, as she lived on these streets for so long she didn't know anything else. Joan watched as he smiled softly, seemingly taking what he could from that. "You're smiling, John my boy, you look happier than I've ever seen you. Are you sure you and your not-girlfriend are still just friends?" she teased and held her free hand up when he eyed her with the sour look. "Alright, subject dropped: so who's the newbie?" she asked with a nod at the entryway of the encampment.

John turned and saw Shaw standing in her lightweight gray zip up hoodie with black leggings, munching on her own chicken sandwich he bought her. She was eyeing the encampment as if she was searching for threats. He motioned for her to come over and Shaw glared but moved forward slowly, clearly not sure she wanted to enter or not.

"She walks like a pigeon and eats like a pig," Joan muttered, making him chuckle as she watched the girl scarf down the sandwich as she shuffled her feet forward. The kid looked out of her element as her eyes searched around herself like the Boogey Man was going to pop out and grab her. Clearly she never was inside an encampment before. "John, you sure know how to show a girl a good time but if you're cheatin' on cop lady, I'm gonna smack you upside the head," Joan muttered, seeing an opportunity to nettle John a little and pounced on it. Cop lady was fast and devious but so was she.

"With Shaw?—no, she's just a friend," he assured her and Joan nearly laughed at John's disgusted look. But now it was time to swoop in for the kill.

"Isn't that what your cop lady is?" Joan wondered innocently.

"Joss is more than that," he said and Joan kind of felt bad, it was like preying on a helpless baby but she just couldn't help it.

"Ah, I see, so that wee bit coming over here is just a friend so does that make your cop lady a _special_ friend, who you're doing the horizontal bop with here and there? How many types of friends do you have, John?—what is Richie Rich then?" she asked with a wide grin as John eyed her with a frown.

"Uh, well, you know what I mean," he stammered as he tried to wiggle out of it.

Joan chuckled as she rubbed his arm. "Yea, I do, John, sounds like your 'not-girlfriend' is becoming your girlfriend," Joan teased gently but hoped the boy was getting a clue. She loved him but he was slower than molasses, sometimes he needed to get hit over the head with things. Like she used to do when she needed to get him to eat or dress warmer because he was shivering from the cold.

John blinked and then glared at her, realizing Joan knew he had no romantic interests in Shaw and had done that on purpose. He felt a presence and turned to see Shaw standing there. "Joan this is Shaw, Shaw this is Joan," he introduced irritably.

Joan analyzed Shaw as much as Shaw analyzed Joan. He watched the two women as neither one spoke before Joan chuckled. "I like her. She's cute."

Shaw felt immediately flustered. Cute?!—she wasn't fucking cute! Fuzzy puppies and kittens were cute, not former assassins like her. "I'm not cute! And why would I care if you like me or not?" Shaw demanded crossly.

Joan smirked. "She's got more attitude than height," Joan said with a soft chuckle and John smirked at Shaw's look. "Don't worry, Batgirl, I'm not making fun of your height," Joan placated her, standing up to show she was on the short side herself. "Us, tiny packages have to stick together," she said before taking another bite of her sandwich.

"Batgirl?" Shaw demanded, not sure if she liked this woman or not.

Joan nodded before motioning at John. "I'm assuming you work with John?"

Shaw glanced at John and then this woman. "Does he tell you everything?" she wondered aloud. She thought Finch said they worked in secret. But so far she knew that Reese's girlfriend knew and that chubby detective knew about it too.

Joan grinned as she munched her sandwich. "John, HA!—you're cute and funny, Batgirl. John tells me squat. Boy doesn't talk enough. I figured it out all on my own. Doesn't take a rocket scientist, when he was in the encampment there was no vigilante and then when his girlfriend poofs him out of here there is," Joan said polishing off her sandwich.

Shaw snorted. Reese was not a boy. But she was intrigued by this woman as she eyed John, then Joan. "His girlfriend?—Carter, right?" Shaw questioned.

Joan grinned coyly at John. "Yep his cop lady, you should have seen John here whenever she showed up. He was smitten."

"I was not smitten." he countered with a frown. He had been enjoying himself when Joan was flustering Shaw but now the tables seemed to have turned onto him.

Joan laughed loudly. "I've seen teenagers less smitten and smoother operators than you when you were around your Not-Girlfriend."

Shaw sat down beside Joan grinning evilly, eyeing her interestingly. "Do tell." Maybe she did like her after all.

"Oh it's not much, but John's cop lady would show up every day just for him. His pretty blues would sparkle just for her. His cop lady is a special breed, being able to look past the scruffy beard, bad clothes, and such to see the beauty underneath," Joan said before looking pointedly at him. "She's a keeper."

John felt his cheeks heat as Shaw eyed him. "My eyes did not sparkle," he grumbled and he hated that he was blushing. "But I dragged Shaw here to give you the sandwich and to ask you a question," he said gruffly, glaring at Shaw menacingly, daring her to comment on his blush.

Shaw got the memo and typically she would just ignore it and say what she felt anyway, however this time she kept her lips shut. Shaw kind of liked Reese, he was good in the field and intelligent, she kind of liked working these numbers too, they gave her something to do. And she was already learning when to push her luck with Reese and when not to. In the short time she spent with this man she knew that this was one of those times to not push her luck.

Joan chuckled at John's blush. She was embarrassing the boy, but she hoped that some of these comments penetrated. "Well then by all means, John, ask what you came to ask."

"Joss wants to cook you a meal," he said immediately to get the conversation off of him. He'd do anything to get the conversation off of him and Joss.

"She does?"

"Am I invited?" Shaw demanded immediately, licking her lips.

He glared at Shaw. "No, you'll eat everything in her home!" If there was one thing he learned about Shaw already, it was that her stomach never seemed full.

"I'll just ask your girlfriend, Carter will let me come," Shaw said with a shrug.

He glowered. "Joss is _not_ my girlfriend," he said through gritted teeth. Why didn't anyone ever listen to him? Shaw rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. "Fine, Shaw, I'll just tell Joss to set another place at the table." he said resigned to the fact that when they decided to lure Shaw into this that he had somehow adopted an unwanted child. He had to constantly feed her! "So Joan what do you say?" he asked turning to look back at Joan. He hoped she didn't tell him no.

Joan eyed him suspiciously. "This isn't one of your cockameme schemes to get me outta here is it?"

"No, we just want to treat you to a nice meal," he promised. And while they did that he hoped she would find the value in having a shelter over her head and he could buy her a place. Finch paid him well and he had more than enough money to get her a wonderful but small place of her own.

Joan smiled as she relaxed. "Alright, John, I'll come. I can squeeze you in on my very tight schedule, I'm free Sunday through Monday," she cackled, making Shaw laugh softly which surprised John. He hadn't thought Shaw was capable of laughter being so monotonous, maybe being around Joan would be good for Shaw too.

He patted Joan's knee. "Thank you, you won't regret having dinner with us. Joss makes a mean chicken enchilada meal. I know she'll outdo herself to impress you."

"Tell your cop lady not to worry," she said instead. He glanced at his watch, seeing they needed to move so that their number didn't leave work before they got back to their stakeout.

"Shaw and I need to get going. I'll come by and pick you up since you're free whenever," he said as he got to his feet with Shaw.

"Take care of yourself, John, and you too, Batgirl, and tell Richie Rich I said hi!" Joan said with a cheeky grin. With that he turned and walked with Shaw towards his car.

"She's something else," Shaw muttered.

"She is," he agreed with a soft smile.

Shaw remained quiet as they walked towards the exit. "Why don't you have a nickname?" she finally asked as they left the encampment.

* * *

AN: As you guys can tell this was sort of a filler episode but it sets up for future things. And it always bugged me that we never got to see how Joss and Paul kind of patched things up for Taylor to be able to stay with Paul. Just one of the many things that annoyed me. Next chapter they have a number to work and the bath time is talked about. I have not forgot about their bath and neither has Joss :D Thanks for reading!


	40. Chapter 40

"Why do I have to pretend to be your trophy wife? Why couldn't I have been the rich one and you the piece of eye candy on my arm?" Shaw demanded yet again as her nails dug into John's forearm.

John rolled his eyes. "Blame Harold, I would have preferred the role reversal to be honest," he muttered under his breath. Then he wouldn't have to say or do anything. He felt out of his element here. Shaw felt herself relax. This was one of the reasons she liked Reese, he wasn't some asshole dick that thought men were superior.

" _I'm sorry, Ms. Shaw and Mr. Reese, but as much as you both prefer different roles I felt that Mr. Reese was better suited socially to handle being Mr. Wiley. And Jocelyn was unavailable to pose as Mr. Reese's date for the evening so you were chosen as a last resort to play this role, Ms. Shaw_ ," Finch said, trying to appease both of them.

John sighed forlornly. He wished Joss was available because now he was stuck with Shaw who wanted to eat all of the hors d'oeuvres. But Joss was having drinks with her friend. Joss had told him all about Toni, she had been the woman she had drinks with the first night they met. They had gone to the Pony Bar that night and that was where they were going tonight. Both Joss and this Toni woman had set it up nearly two weeks ago before they even knew about Logan Pierce and they both had very busy schedules so seeing one another was very difficult. He wasn't going to take her away from her friend when she rarely got to see her. He could suck it up having to have Shaw pose as his date.

"I'm not exactly in my comfort zone here, Finch, I don't know anything about being a hedgefund manager," John muttered.

"We only know how to shoot them," Shaw added. John smirked at Harold's sigh at Shaw's comment. But she wasn't lying.

" _Don't worry, Mr. Reese, I am connected with you and I will talk you through everything. But if all else fails, talk about the carried interest loophole and that should get you through the night easily_ ," Finch tried to reassure him.

Shaw and John looked at each other and rolled their eyes. That was easy for him to say, Finch would fit in with these people, they were like fish out of water. "This night is going to bite," Shaw complained.

John nodded his head in agreement. "There's our number," he murmured for her ears only. "Logan Pierce."

"He looks like a douchebag. And since he changes phones so we can't force-pair with him, we need to go old school," Shaw said. She turned to look at him. "Darling, I'll be right back." she sneered getting into her role before letting his arm go and weaved through the men and women, moving for their number, before accidentally bumping into him. She apologized to Pierce and John shook his head, he had to admit Shaw might need some help being normal outside of work, but in the field she was a pro. She was going to be handy on numbers.

Shaw left Logan who began scanning the room and John frowned as the man looked right at him. He sighed as Pierce excused himself from the other two men he was standing with to make his way towards him. "I think Pierce just made me," John whispered.

" _You'll be alright, John_ ," Finch reassured him. " _Just remember the carried interest loophole_ ," he reminded. John didn't move as Logan Pierce stopped directly before him.

"I haven't seen you at one of these things before. So what's your story, who are you?" Logan asked quickly, looking at him interested.

John forced a smile. "How about that carried interest loophole?" he asked unsure if he was even using it in the right sense or not. What the hell was a carried interest loophole?

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were interesting." Logan said before turning around to walk away. John smirked, well that actually made him like the guy a bit more. Shaw sidled up next to him. John watched as Logan left and he gently shook his head. "He doesn't like the one percent," he murmured.

"I like him a little better but still he looks like a douchebag," Shaw commented. "But we finally got ears on him for the night at least."

John nodded as he led Shaw to the back to sit and watch. He wondered if Joss was having a nice evening out with her friend because his was going to be horrible.

* * *

"Hey girl,"

Toni turned and grinned. "JOSS!" she squealed happily sliding out of the chair to hug her. Joss easily returned it before she sat down across from her, motioning for the waitress walking around.

"Just a bottle of Miller Lite." she ordered and the waitress nodded. Once they were alone again Joss looked at her friend. "You're looking as gorgeous as ever, Toni."

Her friend waved a hand at her. "Thanks, same as you, Joss. You always look beautiful."

The waitress appeared with the beer and scurried away. Joss took a happy swig of it before leaning back. "So since the last time we got to sit and talk, a lot has happened," Joss admitted. She had so much to tell her about Taylor and then there was John. She couldn't believe it had over six months since the last time she saw Toni.

"Same for me." Toni agreed with an unexplainable look on her face.

"Me first," Joss said as she so wanted to dish on John to Toni but she paused as she narrowed her eyes on what Toni was drinking. Usually Toni drank some fruity cocktail or other. "What are you drinking, Toni?"

"Sparkling water," she answered with a slow smile.

Joss blinked and then sat forward. "Shut up! You're not!" Joss demanded.

"I am," Toni agreed with a laugh.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Joss said loudly hopping to her feet to hug her friend again. Toni happily stood to receive it. "I'm so happy for you!" Joss said rubbing her back warmly before pulling back. "It's a good thing right?"

"Yea, me and Rob were a little freaked out because Bella is five and we figured we were one and done. But now, being pregnant, our family will be complete once we have this little guy."

"Sure it's a boy?" Joss asked as she sat back down, keeping her hand on Toni's. She was so damn happy for Toni.

"Kind of, just a feeling, but then I'm only nearly two months so who knows, my feeling might change. Rob wanted to tell you at work but I asked him to wait so I could tell you myself. Hope you don't mind," Toni admitted.

"Of course not! I'm so happy for you guys. Wait until I see your husband tomorrow at the precinct," she said with a wink, which earned her a chuckle. She was going to rib Kane so hard!

"Did you ever want more children after Taylor?" Toni asked, sipping her drink.

"Yea, but it never happened for me. Careers got in the way then Paul and my marriage took a dump so I'm glad it was only Taylor. I couldn't imagine trying to raise two alone," Joss admitted wistfully. But she would have loved to have a daughter. It would have been perfect; a boy and a girl. But god blessed her with Taylor so she was content.

Toni nodded. "So what news do you have for me?" she asked.

"Well I'm not pregnant," she teased. "But I met a man."

Toni's mouth dropped open. "No way!" she said in surprise and Joss nodded with a large happy smile. "Perpetually single and happy to be it, Joss Carter, met someone. Get out of town!"

Joss winced. "Geez you make me sound like an old spinster or the crazy cat lady or something," she grumbled.

"No, that's not what I mean. I'm just so shocked and happy for you. I gave up asking if you were seeing anyone because you always gave me the same response of: hell no!" Toni admitted and Joss was forced to nod her head in agreement. Those had been her exact words. But John had come out of literally nowhere, saving her life after drinks with Toni and entered her life like a god damn hurricane. Now the thought of life without him was inconceivable. "So…who is it?" Toni asked.

"His name is John," Joss said with a soft sigh.

"He sounds hot."

She snorted. "How does a name sound hot, Toni?"

"Not his name, the way you said his name," Toni said with a sly grin lighting up her face.

Joss rolled her eyes. "John is quite possibly the sexiest man alive. People Magazine never met him," she said before she took a sip of her beer.

"Shut up, that sexy?" Toni demanded.

"That sexy, John's got these gorgeous blue eyes that you can get lost in," Joss explained and Toni leaned her chin on her hand. "Sex appeal off the charts and he's got the silver fox thing happening. Toni, I swear he makes George Clooney look drab," she said.

"Go on, tell me is he a good kisser or meh?"

Joss chuckled as Toni was leaning forward. God it was nice to have a girls' night out for once. "Good kisser, try incredible!"

"Nah-uh, scale girly girl! One to ten, where does he rank, Joss?" Toni demanded with an impatient tap on her hand and Joss just sat there looking at her friend with a Cheshire grin and a wiggle of her brows. "Come on don't leave an old married pregnant woman hanging!" Toni said before leaning back to rub her belly. "Do it for the children." Joss laughed out loud at that.

"A hundred," she said unable to keep from telling her friend. It was nice to have someone to share this with and she didn't have to worry about what she said.

"Damn," Toni sighed happily.

"And he's not just all looks either. He's intelligent, funny, and has this big heart that he tries to hide. God, Toni, he's been hurt before but I think I'm getting through to him that it's okay to move on with me."

"Good, if anyone that deserves happiness is you, Joss. And if this guy gives you that then it's great."

"He's amazing,"

Toni grinned. "Well one night we will definitely have to drag the menfolk here with us. I am dying to meet him already."

Joss frowned. "It will have to be in a little while. Like I said he's been hurt before so I'm going painfully slowly but he's worth the effort," she said sipping her beer. "God is he worth it."

"Then take your time, that's all that you can do. What happened with this guy?"

"A woman he loved was murdered." Joss answered without giving real particulars. There was so much more to it than that but that was their business. Didn't matter anyways because Toni gasped and she nodded. "Yea, he lost himself for a while but he's finding his way back."

"And finding his way to you," Toni added raising her drink. "A toast…"

Joss immediately grabbed her drink. "To what?"

"Love…"

"I'll toast to that!" Joss agreed and smacked her beer bottle against her glass with happiness.

* * *

Joss walked with John and Finch. They had finished Logan's number four days after her drinks with Toni. Logan Pierce had been something else and had whisked John off to Russia, making her man disgruntled. And her too, with John in Russia it meant she didn't get to see him. But in the end he had saved the annoying billionaire who kind of reminded her of a rich snobby kid who wanted to always get his way. Shaw had been more than happy to work on a new number while Pierce's kept coming up again and again. Well she had been until she met with the unfortunate man; Leon Tao. Leon had not been happy to see her again either.

Joss was barely restraining the urge to slide her hand into John's as their hands kept bumping as they walked with Finch and Bear. Finch had set up some little doggie meeting up for Bear who needed to run around and play. Harold let the dog off the leash and Bear ran with the other dog and the woman who owned the other dog struggled to keep up.

Joss lifted her gaze to John and then Harold. "Has anything happened with what Kara did?" she asked, knowing they were playing the waiting game.

"Nothing has become evident just yet, detective," Harold assured her. "But I'm sure whatever she did is not good and we'll be seeing the effects soon enough."

She nodded. That was what she was afraid of. They each sat down at the benches with John between them. Joss casually grabbed John's hand, linking their fingers together as Finch leaned back. John looked at her but didn't say anything nor removed his hand from hers as he reached into his pocket with his other one. Joss smiled to herself over yet another small victory.

"Our billionaire gave me a little something as a gift." he said handing Finch the red case first. He had opened it and saw it was a watch.

Harold eyed it suspiciously before tugging the watch out of the case. "Well…" Harold harrumphed.

Joss smirked as she eyed the thing. She kept silent. Finch was looking at the damn thing like it was a puzzle. "It tells time to the nanosecond," John said. "Like that's necessary."

Harold nodded. "I see." he said as he put it on the ground before smashing it with his foot. Joss blinked in surprise. Shouldn't she be the one upset that someone was giving John extravagant gifts? She watched as Harold reached down sifting through the remnants and she curiously watched as he picked something up.

"That was a very expensive watch, not to mention a gift." John commented dryly. Not that he would have worn it, but it wasn't that ugly to be stepped on.

Harold eyed John. "A gift equipped with GPS," he said.

Joss rolled her eyes. "Man, Logan Pierce can't hide how enamored he is with you," she muttered.

John looked at her. "What do you mean by that?"

She shrugged. "Just that Logan Pierce seemed to have a man crush on you, John." she said with a wide grin. "I mean really badly too."

"No he didn't."

"Yea, he did! He wanted you to like him so badly. It's so obvious," she said. Shaw was a pretty woman and he hadn't even batted an eye at her. He was more interested in figuring John out and getting John to like him.

"Regardless of the fact that he liked Mr. Reese or not, he poses a threat to our secrecy, Jocelyn," Harold murmured. "He wanted to track John and there is no telling what he would have done with the information. Our work needs to remain in the shadows."

John glanced at Finch. "A cunning billionaire with unlimited resources…where have I heard this one before?" John wondered softly with a faint smile.

Harold however wasn't amused. "Your friend is just curious enough to be dangerous," Harold said as he looked around.

Joss shook her head. "I don't think he's a threat. But that's up to you two," she said as she stood up, reluctantly letting go of John's hand as she did so. "So, John, would you join me for some dinner?" she asked before looking at Harold. "You can come too, Finch," she added.

Harold looked from the detective to John. "That's quite alright, detective. I have some things to do and I need to speak to Ms. Shaw about threatening the numbers, even if they come in the package of Leon Tao," he said. Harold could easily read between the lines. Jocelyn wanted to spend time alone with John but didn't want to sound rude.

She smiled grateful to get John alone. "Oh, next week I'm cooking dinner for Joan and I would like to extend an invitation to you, Harold. It's nothing fancy just some chicken enchiladas but I would love for you to come. Shaw invited herself but I was going to invite you guys anyway. Lionel is coming too," she said quickly. She couldn't believe what had started off as something simple was becoming quite the get together. But when John told her that Shaw invited herself she knew she wanted to invite Harold and Lionel to come with them too.

"I'd love too. I have missed Joan."

"Then it's settled. I'll text you with the day and time." John got to his feet and Harold followed suit, pretending he didn't see the detective slide her arm around John's as they walked away. He grinned as he feigned interest as Bear ran around and played.

Joss sighed as she tugged John to her car happily. He eyed her with a confused look. "What?" he asked with a small smile.

She looked at him. "What do you mean John?—can't I be happy that you're back from Russia?" she wondered as she pressed him against her car before kissing him warmly and deeply. He sighed as he kissed her back readily. Joss pulled free after several long moments of just kissing. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." he murmured as he lowered his mouth down to gently press against hers in the sweetest caress before he lifted his head again. He smiled down at her. "Where are we going, get Thai?" he asked. He knew how much she liked Thai.

"Wherever, just as long as it's you and me," she said with a shrug. It truly didn't matter if they ate at McDonalds as long as they were alone together. She hadn't been kidding when she said she missed him. The last four days were filled with work, helping Shaw, spending time with her boy, and impatiently waiting for John to come back. Texting hadn't been enough. Not to mention the fact that they hadn't gotten to sleep together since that quickie in the backseat of his car. She was hungry for some John. But her son was home which meant no slumber party. It was only Tuesday which left Wednesday, Thursday, and a very long Friday until her coveted weekend of bath-time with John which also included lots of intense sex since she had no teenager around. She was in need here!

"How about some Chinese?" he suggested.

"Yes, please," she agreed as she reluctantly stopped trying to press him through her car. She could wait. She wasn't some sex addict who had to have sex all the time, even though she felt like she was becoming one with this man as she eyed John who turned and entered the car to sit in the passenger seat. Joss walked around and climbed in. "Any place in particular?"

"No you pick the place,"

Joss smiled. How domestic. But she couldn't point out that this was an extremely 'coupley' type thing they were doing but she was ecstatic about it nonetheless. "So John, have you given thought about which one you prefer?" she asked deciding it was time again to tease him about the bath because she was growing excited about it as it drew near.

He glanced at her. "For what?" he asked nonplussed.

"Lavender vanilla or raspberry bubble bath, you never did tell me which bubble bath you wanted. I mean I could go out and get a special scent if you want," she supplied with a quick glance, hoping to see the cute little scowl and she was rewarded when it appeared.

"You pick," he muttered. "You would know more than I would."

"Nu-uh, you pick."

"Raspberry," he said with a long suffering sigh as he just chose one. John looked at her profile. She sure seemed excited about this.

"That's a great choice, John." she said with a laugh. "You won't regret it. Lavender vanilla is a personal favorite of mine but raspberry is nice too. Wait until I get you in that tub, you are going to love it."

"You just love rubbing this in don't you?" he commented.

"Yes, I do very much. But I'll enjoy the bath more," she teased before growing serious. "Thank you for giving me this."

"What? You won it fair and square."

"I know, but you didn't have to agree to it in the first place and I'm grateful you did," she said sincerely. "I know baths aren't what big strong manly men like you think are exciting but I wanted to share with you something I enjoy," she admitted softly. She wanted him to know how much this truly meant to her. It wasn't just something that she was teasing him about.

He stared at her profile, before she looked at him quickly as they pulled to a stop at a red light. He saw the honesty resting plainly on her face. She meant it. "Of course I want you to share with me something you enjoy. Had I known you wanted it this much I wouldn't have kept telling you no," he said softly. He could suck it up and share a bath even if it didn't sound his type of thing for her.

She looked away to make sure the light remained red. "Well, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it and I'm really looking forward to this upcoming weekend. It can't get here fast enough," she said, starting the car when the light turned green.

It was quiet in the car as he contemplated what she said. "Lavender vanilla," he said quietly.

She furrowed her brows. "What?"

"I changed my mind. We'll use your favorite; lavender vanilla," he said before looking out the window at the passing scenery, missing her look.

* * *

AN: I had to bring back Toni since we never really got to 'meet' her in chapter one just the aftermath of their girls' night out. And just in case some of you guys don't remember Toni is married to Detective Kane who is Joss's friend on the force who helped her try to solve where her bum was. I had to come up with a first name for him since the show never gave him one. Next chapter there is a hiccup in the road for John and Joss.

Thanks for reading!


	41. Chapter 41

_**AN: Okay so here is a very small, microscopic, hiccup in the road for Careese.**_

* * *

Harold sat at the computer as he waited for both Mr. Reese and Ms. Shaw to arrive. He had a new number for them and he was in the middle of researching some information on the man, which was not good news. As they worked in secret and in the shadows, the outside life and the local news (for the most part) wasn't one of the things that they kept up on. Well at least he hadn't. He had other things on his mind then what was happening around them locally. And their newest number was a news headliner and was not at all someone even worthy of their assistance. But regardless of their worth or not, that didn't mean this person wasn't in need of stopping because if the things listed in the articles that he claimed to have done were any indication, this man was nothing short of a murderer in his own right and could very well be the perpetrator.

He lifted his gaze off the sickening article detailing the events that he had not been aware that happened, as he heard murmuring and watched as Ms. Shaw and John were making their way towards him. Shaw was carrying her own coffee while John carried his and a tea for him, talking quietly. It was nice seeing Shaw getting along with John, having their military careers in common, but she was still very crass and wasn't too sure about them yet. But to be fair they weren't too sure about her either. They were still feeling each other out but so far it seemed things were working out. John set down his tea as his brooding friend had gotten used to getting him it even if it was unnecessary.

"Got a new number, Finch?" Shaw asked hopefully. No head-shots or center mass cramped her style but kneecaps worked too. She at least got to fire a gun again.

"We do," he agree noncommitedly, taking a careful and slow sip. He had preferred to make small talk before just hopping right into it, preferring to talk about anything besides the new number that was up due to the fact that he had a distinct feeling that neither Ms. Shaw or John were going to feel particularly enthused about helping this man, if indeed he needed saving. To be perfectly honest neither did he.

Shaw greedily eyed the glass pane that a picture was taped to, where a middle aged man who had a very round face with glasses on and a balding head. "He looks like a doctor."

John had to agree. The photograph looked like something you would see when you looked up doctors listed on a hospital's website. "Who is he, Harold?" John asked as Harold had remained unusually silent. In the length of time he has known Finch his peculiar friend and boss looked indifferent to this number, most times Finch hastily hurried to figure out why the person's number had come up. Finch was always trying to make up for all those lost chances he talked about, being forced to listen murders that happened and unable to stop them. But this one wasn't causing the same sense of urgency in Harold and John wanted to know why.

Finch felt a headache forming already. "His name is Dr. Todd Sullivan, he's an oncologist." he said slowly, knowing how Ms. Shaw and John were going to react.

"Okay, who would want to kill a cancer doctor?" Shaw wondered. "Or who does he want to kill?" she added colorfully.

Finch's eyes slid to John before he sighed. "Probably a few hundred people wouldn't mind seeing this doctor dead. Or perhaps he is once again the perpetrator."

John furrowed his brows. "Once again?—what happened Finch?"

"I'm assuming neither one of you watch the evening news,"Harold murmured.

"Too busy not caring," Shaw said.

John shrugged. "I don't watch much television, Finch. An occasional old samurai movie, but that's about it."

Finch pushed up his glasses. "Well, Dr. Sullivan has been indicted on two hundred and fifty counts of criminal negligence, fraud, criminal impersonation and fifteen counts of manslaughter," he said quietly, earning both Ms. Shaw's and John's sharp and startled gazes. "Dr. Sullivan was treating patients who did not even have cancer with chemotherapy even though his license to practice medicine was suspended. He rented out a small office that looks suspect just by itself but he charged less than other doctors and he lured victims there that way. Somehow he was recommended to men and women, though that is unclear how in the article, but Dr. Sullivan told them they had cancer but were curable if they started chemo immediately. He pocketed their insurance money which paid big bucks and fifteen patients died at his hands."

Shaw looked at the doctor's picture and then back at Finch. "And his number is up…and if someone is looking to kill him for everything that he has done, we are supposed to stop them and save this asshole?" she demanded incredulously. She wasn't doing that. This rat bastard could beg for mercy for all she cared and she would happily help hold him down and let whoever murder him, hell, she'd do it for them.

"No," John said immediately.

"Mr. Reese, we must put aside our opinions on this matter, and do what has to be done. This man is going to face punishment for what he has done. There isn't question of whether or not there is guilt, it is the level of guilt and how long he shall pay for it. His lawyers are arguing for less than the maximum sentence, which if added up would be 345 years." Finch said with resignation, having suspected this was coming.

"It's not good enough," John snarled. How was it fair for this man to live the rest of his days out in prison when he gave people who didn't have cancer, cancer treatments? It disgusted him.

"I'm with Reese," Shaw agreed, sipping her coffee.

"John, please, I don't believe he's a good man. He's a murderer. But we can't just look the other way because we don't agree with what he has done. In effect we are helping someone murder him," Finch said and when both Shaw and John seemed uncaring, he nodded. "Alright, I understand. I'll work the case myself."

"Have fun! Call me when we have a real number." Shaw snapped as she whirled around. She didn't care. She wasn't working this prick's number. She hoped he got shot in the head.

Finch watched as Shaw walked away, knowing she wasn't going to help but he had hoped John would. John remained rooted in place and he saw John struggling internally over this, his jaw ticked. "Mr. Reese, I know about your mother," Finch began and knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say judging by the stiffening of John's features and the sharp look.

"Don't bring up my mother, Harold," he demanded quietly. The measure of anger in John's voice was not missed, regardless of the fact that John spoke quietly and evenly. Finch had realized that the angrier Mr. Reese became by something the quieter he talked, which was quite difficult as John was a quiet man to begin with.

"Please, John, help me. I know this man doesn't even deserve our protection, doesn't know what that disease does to people, does to the family members who have to watch their loved ones or parents die, but this is our purpose. We do not get to just decide to sit out one number because we don't want to work it," Finch said softly, watching as John flinched. When his friend said nothing Finch nodded. "I need to go get eyes and ears on Dr. Sullivan. His lawyers managed to get him bail during the court proceedings. He'll be an easy target. I'll somehow manage to protect him if he does indeed need protecting," Finch continued softly, not condemning John for his lack of interest in helping this man.

John closed his eyes and reopened them. "I'll do it." he said through clenched teeth. "I'll do it so that way I stop whoever is going to kill him. Not because this so called doctor deserves to be saved but because the person who is doing it, is most likely a family member of one of the victims that died and they won't be able to live with themselves for what they're planning to do," he said.

"Thank you John," Finch said sincerely.

"Don't thank me yet, Harold, I never said I was going to let the doctor live," he said devoid of emotion, as he turned on his heels. "Get me his coordinates."

"John, please don't!" Harold stated worried more for his friend than the doctor. So far in their partnership there was only one case John reacted badly to which was with Marshal Jennings. It had brought up bad memories for John over the loss of Jessica. And now this number quite possibly was worse because there had been a measure of calm in John while helping Sarah Jennings, right now John looked anything but calm.

"I'm working his case just as you wanted, now get me the coordinates, Harold," he said as he strode down the hall, leaving Finch to watch him in worry. Finch walked to his computer to get John Dr. Sullivan's last known whereabouts which were probably the courthouse, but afterward he had to place a call in with Jocelyn. If there was anyone John would listen to it would be her. 

* * *

When Harold had called Joss up to ask her to go talk to and calm down John, she had been unsure of why. He hadn't seemed upset when they had breakfast together. But when Harold explained they had a new number, who he was, and what John had said, she knew why. Joss had read up all on Dr. Todd Sullivan before going to meet with John. It was sickening and disturbing to read what that man had done. But he was caught and going to prison just like he deserved. Now his number was up and they felt it might be a family member of one of the victims that might go after him, seeing prison as not the justice he deserved. They didn't have capital punishment so all Sullivan would get would be life in prison without possibility of parole. She hoped he got all 345 years.

Joss slid from her car finding John's near the courthouse, seeing him sitting in his car watching. Even from this far away he looked angry and brooding. She slammed her car door shut as she hurried over to where he was and climbed inside.

Once the door was shut and they were enclosed in silence, John spoke. "Go away Joss, I do not need an assist," he said quietly, not sparing her a glance.

"Harold told me what's going on," she said. Finch had told her what John had said, but she wanted to wait and see what John said now.

"I know he did, that's why you're here and why I want you to leave," he said again, still not looking at her, and his voice was cold. Of course Harold had told her. He sent Joss here to keep him from killing Sullivan and John had not decided one way or another as of yet what he wanted to do.

"I can't leave without knowing that you won't kill this guy. Harold told me what you said, that you might take matters into your own hands. You can't do that."

That did manage to get John's gaze off the courthouse and onto her. His eyes showed no emotion. No warmth and she shivered a bit. She wished Shaw would work this number because this number was rubbing John wrong. But then again maybe she didn't want that because Shaw would just kill Sullivan, while she might get John to listen to her.

"Yes I can. I've killed before for a lot less," he stated before looking away again.

"But that's not who you are anymore, John. You're not John Reese, CIA agent, anymore. You're John Reese, vigilante, fighting for the regular man, saving them from violent crimes," Joss said softly. "You promised me you would not kill anyone if you could avoid it. You can avoid this doctor's death," she reminded him.

"I did promise you that."

"And you have been true to your word. You left me a few dead bodies to mop up, but they were unavoidable or not your fault," she said reinforcing it. "So remain true to your word, John, don't let this filth take that from you," she implored.

"He's different…"

"No he isn't, John, he's still human," she said. She had gotten John to listen with Jennings, she could get him to listen to her now on Sullivan.

"No he's not," John sneered.

"Okay, why? Why is this man any different John?—help me understand," she asked softly, switching tactics. Maybe if she knew what was bothering him she could help diffuse the situation that way.

"Because I know what it's like to watch someone you love die from cancer. It's not easy. These people didn't even have cancer but were made to believe they did, their family members were made to believe they did, and they died because of his greed," John said lowly, rage etching harsh lines on his handsome face.

Now it made sense. He was taking this number personally. "I'm sorry John. It was your mother wasn't it?" she asked. John refused to speak about his parents but she knew how his dad died from one of their many conversations, knew that his mother had been ill when he had to choose between boot camp and jail. Now she knew what she was ill from. And she figured his resistance to speak about them was because he buried them so deep in his mind and heart he struggled with the emotions he never dealt with. It was so easy to become numb to the pain when you never learned how to deal with it. Well she was going to show him how. Just as she promised she was going to show him how to be happy again, she would show him how to deal with his pain the right way: grieving.

He nodded. "She died of lung cancer and she didn't even smoke," he said roughly, but quietly, so quietly that she had almost thought it was a figment of her imagination.

"I'm sorry John," she said again.

He looked at her. "No one should go through that."

"You're right, no one should,"she agreed. "But John, you save lives now," she pressed.

"I don't want to save his life." he stated bluntly, coldly. "But I will stop those who aren't murderers, those who aren't cut out to take his life. They will let him keep ruining their lives if they take his life." He turned away and she grabbed his hand.

"John…."

"He belongs in the ground," John responded fiercely.

"I agree, he should burn in hell for what he has done, but that doesn't make it so that you can be his executioner." she said. John had dealt with enough death.

John glanced at her. "You really believe in the justice system that much?"

"I have to, John. We live in a civilized world where, yes, sometimes we treat criminals better than the victims were, but we are better than them, we have to be,"she said gently. "I know you and I do not see eye to eye on this, I know that. I know you have lived in a morally gray area for so long that it feels right to take out the garbage this way, but you cannot kill this man, John. I don't want you to."

He stared at her and she hoped whatever he was looking for he found. After several tense moments he looked away. "Alright, you win. I'll make sure the filth stays alive to head to prison," he said.

"Thank you, John," she whispered as she kissed his cheek. "Come on over tonight and I'll make us dinner. I'm making Pork Chops." She sensed the chill in John and she desperately wanted to warm him up a bit. This man was bringing up bad memories for John with his mother he loved and obviously missed very much.

"Joss…"

She paused from getting out of the car. "What, John?"

"I will not be coming over tonight. I want to be alone,"John said. She swallowed hard as for the first time since they got together she felt frozen out. She slowly climbed out of the car and slid the door shut gently, noting with concern that he did not even look at her. 

* * *

Joss was antsy. She was troubled about John's emotional state working this Todd Sullivan's number. So while she waited for word from a grateful Finch who promised her that he would keep an eye on John, she had gone back to work, and then skipped out early. Fusco was a good friend telling her to go when he saw how wrought with nerves she was. She thanked him profusely and went to the one person who knew John about as good as she and Harold did: Joan.

She calmly entered the encampment and found Joan mingling with some of the other homeless men and women. Joan had her back to her and once more wearing her bubble jacket she first met her in after a nice long summer of not needing it. Joss smiled remembering how protective Joan had been over John when she first met her and still was.

Joss touched her arm to gain her attention. "Cop lady, how the heck are ya?" Joan greeted warmly. "Talk to you later, Ron, got me some catching up to do with John's not girlfriend," she said with a wink. Ron gave her the stink eye before walking away.

"I'm not interrupting am I?" Joss asked. "'Cause if I was, I could have waited," she reassured Joan as she looped an arm around her elbow and they walked to the bench where she had first found John and now seemingly where Joan took up residence. She wondered if it was a way to remain close to John.

Joan eyed her and then behind her to Ron's departing back. "Oh Ron, he's just is an old fogie! He's not too keen on you outsiders coming here which now includes John. He says John isn't one of us anymore, as if he ever was, but Ron just likes to hear himself talk I think. But never mind him, so what's upsetting you Joss? Is my favorite boy alright?" Joan asked as they sat down together.

"Not really. As you easily guessed he's the vigilante man in the suit and he's trying to help someone he doesn't want to and it's putting him in a dark place," Joss admitted as they sat down together on the bench. "I'm worried about him."

Joan nodded, feeling a little better knowing John was alright physically. "Well if anyone can get him out of a mood it's you," she admitted. She hadn't been kidding when she met Batgirl; John's eyes just sparkled when Joss was around him. If there was anyone that he would respond too, it was Joss.

"I don't think so, not this time," she countered. "He was very cold," Joss said but not taking offense. She was just worried about him freezing her out. He hadn't even done that after their traumatic experience with Kara as she figured he would. He had been quieter than normal, brooded a bit more because of what happened, but he didn't outright shut her out like today. John had been making really good slow progress with minimal backward steps. But he seemed to be taking a few right now with this case. It hit a little close to home and he wasn't reacting well.

Joan shook her head. This girl didn't give herself enough credit. "Did he talk to you even a little bit?"

"Well yes, after I had to go find him."

"Did he listen to you?"

"Well yea, but I don't think he liked it," Joss admitted.

"Then you can get him out of the mood. John listens to you and cares about your feelings," Joan reassured her as she patted Joss on the hand. John's cop lady just needed a little counseling.

Joss smiled, feeling slightly better coming here than she had much of the day since she last spoke to John. "Thanks for listening to me. I needed to come see you. You are the only one who knows John best besides me and Harold."

"How is Richie Rich?"

"Better, he'll be at our dinner when you come to my place," Joss said. Everyone liked Joan, hell, even Shaw seemed to have taken to Joan from what John had said. Lionel and her son were going to like her too. They just needed to figure out a way to get her out of here.

"Was this John's idea to try to lure me from the encampment? I mean he swore it wasn't but he's tried a few other attempts, just color me curious," Joan wondered.

"No, it was my idea and it's not about luring you out of the encampment even though I would love for that to happen. But it is about doing something nice for you because I like you, respect you, and care about you, Joan,"Joss explained.

Joan smiled. "You and John have the same one track mind about me getting out of this encampment."

"Well, usually we love to argue. I think it's a form of foreplay for us but on your well-being we agree wholeheartedly," Joss said leaning back and relaxing.

"Oh, you think I need to be out of the encampment to be happy?" she wondered.

"No," Joss countered. "I just think you love John and need to be close to him to be happy," she said honestly. Joss didn't miss Joan's contentment knowing John was alright, noticed how she hung out where he had when he was in the encampment. Joan was missing John but was scared to leave the streets she had known for so long.

Joan cocked her head to the side and eyeballed the girl. She forgot how whip smart this kid was. "I should never underestimate the power of your deduction, should I? John had griped about your and your son's creepy ability but I never really witnessed it firsthand."

Joss laughed hard at that one. "Creepy! I like that one. John calls it uncanny, suspects get irate, and others are just unsettled by it. I got it from my momma and my boy got it from both of us."

"Well you're right, I miss John," she admitted with a soft sigh. "Without my Chris the world stopped and then I found John wandering the streets looking like a lost puppy and damn it all, the world started turning again," Joan said growing misty eyed. "Damn him."

Joss smiled as she nodded. "I know the feeling. I was perfectly content being a single divorced woman. Then in walked John and he turned my life upside down. But I think we did the same for him. John lost himself for a long while but you kept him going long enough for me to find him. I can never thank you for showing him support, care, and love when he couldn't even love himself."

"He still doesn't," Joan muttered. "Got a lot of work to go to get him to love himself, never wanting to go into the soup kitchens, feeling like he's not good enough to be helped. I don't know much about his past, John never talked about it but what I do know is that John needs to learn to forgive himself."

"I know, but we are slowly helping him with that too. We'll help him learn to forgive himself and then loving himself will come with it. He can't stop us from loving him," Joss said with a pat of affection to her arm. "And you know John isn't the only one that loves you because I do too."

Joan eyed her. "I love you too kiddo. Don't tell John, but if there is anything that will make me come out of the encampment it's for him," she said. She still liked the streets as life was easier there. She just missed John.

Joss nodded. "I won't tell Grumps," she said teasingly.

"He told you about that," Joan laughed.

"I kind of asked why I had a nickname and he didn't," Joss admitted.

"Hope he told you I call everyone I like by a nickname."

"He did, but can you tell me why you don't call him it anymore?" she asked curious.

Joan shrugged. "To know that you need to know why I called him that in the first place," she said.

"I'm all ears," Joss assured her. She was craving more information to better understand their relationship and understand how bad John was when Joan found him.

"John didn't speak when I found him wandering around or even when I lured him here with me, he was deathly quiet and looked devastated. So I got to calling him that and even managed a ghost of a smile once from him. Eventually I got a 'yea' or a 'no' here and there from him and it felt like a rainbow opened up because he graced me with a few words," Joan said with a light smirk on her face.

"So what happened?"

Joan shrugged as she leaned back as she recalled that time. "I didn't want him to be Grumps anymore. I wanted him to smile and talk more. I wanted to get him out of that life. He didn't belong on the streets. I wanted to save him from himself but didn't know how. So I began pestering him for his name until I finally got it when I stole his alcohol and refused to give it back until I got his name. I played chicken with the darn thing. I was suspicious that John wasn't his name and he only threw it out there to get his damn drink back, until I realized John suited him and he said it genuinely again. From then on I called him 'John,' hoping that Grumps would fade from him forever."

"Well you did what you set out to do Joan. He's not on the streets anymore. And he's learning how to be happier. If we both tag team him along with Finch, Lionel, and Shaw we can erase Grumps forever."

"I hope so," Joan murmured.

Joss smiled. "I know so."

Joan liked her optimism. "Get out of here, Joss, and go take care of the man we both love," Joan said with a wave of the hand. "Make sure he knows if he doesn't listen to you that I'll whip him into shape," she added with a coy wink.

Joss just nodded, patted her knee and got to her feet. "I will, thanks for the pep talk, I needed it."

"Go get him, tiger, now that's a way to end a pep talk!" Joan cackled and Joss chuckled as she walked away with an idea on how to get her man in a better mood whether he wanted it or not.

* * *

AN: Okay so the microscopic hiccup lasts two chapters but it's not too bad! A family friend died of lung cancer just about a few months ago and she didn't smoke. And the doctor is actually something that happened here in MI though I tweaked the names and events just a little so it wasn't totally the same. There are truly despicable people out in the world. Next chap: Joss goes on a mission of trying to cheer up her man :) If you Careesers can hang in there, there is something you guys will thoroughly enjoy in chapter 45 ;D

Thanks for reading!


	42. Chapter 42

John entered his place, bag with his bottles of Jack Daniels clutched to him. He stopped the would be killer of Sullivan, barely able to get him to see his side of things because John didn't even believe in letting Sullivan live to die in prison. But he told the suffering son who lost his mother everything that Joss said to him, empathized with him, and got the man to hear Joss's words even though he was the one saying it. Harold had been grateful he stopped the man. John had wanted just to go home and drink the night away. His body craved alcohol and he was just weak enough to give in to the suffocating need tonight. Harold tried to warn against it, he disconnected with him. Didn't want to hear all the reasons alcohol wouldn't help, didn't care, he just wanted to numb what he was feeling. Alcohol always did the trick until the next morning.

He slammed the door to his place, and locked it. Immediately shrugged his suit blazer off letting it fall haphazardly on the floor uncaring, sliding his gun on the table near the door, he stalked to the windows to gaze out at the night sky that overlooked Columbus Park. He set the bag down on the desk beside him, tugging out one bottle of Jack, uncapping it before he took a thirsty gulp. John's eyes closed as the harsh liquid burned down his throat and he shuddered as he nearly choked on it. More, he needed more, he had missed his liquid crutch so much, trying to be something that he wasn't—a good man, and he did choke as he pulled the bottle from his lips to cough. Some of the whiskey dripped from the sides of his lips as he pressed the back of his hand against his mouth.

He drank occasionally with Joss or Harold but he refrained from ordering any Jack Daniels. Drinking Jack would only serve to remind him of the time before he met Joss, before he left the encampment.

John drank more of the whiskey that would serve him to remember just how close he had been to ending it all and recall the near desperate need to feel nothing at all. No pain, no need, no nothing. Just like now, drinking his liquid crutch, and thinking about his past had the ability to break him down. It was why he tried to stay away from it but not tonight. John kept his eyes closed as he leaned a hand against the window pane as he threw his head back and gulped more, wanting to drown in it. John tugged the bottle from his lips as he swallowed.

Joss had texted him a few times since their tense conversation in his car, he replied to them all but the last one. That one he ignored. It simply read: Please come over. He knew Joss wanted him to eat, he knew she wanted him to sleep, but he didn't want either. He wanted to drink his dinner and stay awake to hide from the demons that would seep into his subconscious when he was relaxed. Kara weighed heavily on his mind and now this case had come up at the worst time, forcing him to remember a time he preferred to have remained buried forever. Remembering seeing his mother ill, seeing her decaying in front of him and helpless to save her from it, because, of course, he could save everyone but the ones he loved. They all left him. It was only a matter of time before Joss would too. And he'd be alone again.

His eyes opened when he heard a knock on the door. There was only one person who would not heed his request to be alone and it wasn't even Shaw. "Go away, Joss, I want to be alone," he called out loudly.

"Too bad!" she countered. "Open up John," she cajoled. He remained silent, drinking more as he kept staring out the window. "Please," she requested sweetly.

"Go home, Joss, I'm not good company."

"I don't mind," she said softly. Things were silent again. He felt his lips twitch up in a smile as he heard her try the knob. He could almost imagine her scowl.

"Please Mr. Badass." Taylor called out and John blinked in surprise as she brought her son to his place?!

"Joss, take your son and go home," he stated as he looked out the window once more.

"I'm hungry, John, and we aren't leaving here until we see you. So can you please open up?" Taylor said.

John whirled around and stormed to the door, unlocking it immediately and flung it open. Taylor eyed him but the smile never slipped from place. "You saw me, now leave," John demanded, but Joss merely shoved her way inside ignoring the tight scowl on his handsome face for not listening about staying away. She wasn't going to apologize for dragging her son along and, as suspected, he opened the door easily for Taylor.

"Drinking I see," she said, concerned because it was his favorite bottle of Jack he turned to when he was depressed. Jack Daniels made things worse for him. She shook her head before turning to look at her son. "Come on in, Taylor, John invited us in," she said.

"No he didn't," Taylor said as he entered leaving John to slam the door shut behind him and lock it up tight. "You pushed us in." he said.

"Whatever, same thing," Joss said with a shrug, bypassing them both and headed for his kitchen, she had been carrying a bag that smelled like food. "I figured if you weren't coming over for dinner then I'd bring dinner to you. I just need to heat the food up in your oven." she called out. She needed to get food in him and get that bottle out of his hand.

"Wait out here and don't come into the kitchen, Taylor," John requested lightly, trying to not be gruff to the boy, it wasn't his fault his mother didn't listen.

Taylor nodded not mistaking John's polite tone because he knew without a doubt that Mr. Badass was pissed at his mom. "Okay, but take it easy on my mom, she's worried about you and so I am."

John didn't respond as he entered his kitchen finding Joss preheating his oven as she began unpacking the bag she brought as heavy glass container after container of food came out. "I brought Taylor some soda because I wasn't sure what you had to drink. Most likely beer or bottled water," she muttered as she nodded to the other bag before she turned to open the fridge and was surprised to see he had orange juice and milk in there. But then again John did love his coffee.

"I told you I wanted to be alone," he said, ignoring her small talk.

"I heard you," Joss agreed as she looked at him. "I just didn't care to listen. Besides if you so wanted to be alone you could have just kept the door shut,"she pointed out.

"You brought your hungry son here knowing I'd open up the damn door for him," he said exasperated. He wanted to go drink.

She smiled. "You're right, and you didn't disappoint," she agreed as she turned and busied herself to tug out the food out of the bag. "I made a nice meal for us. Mashed potatoes and green beans, along with the pork chops; I'm not sure how well the potatoes and beans will taste after I reheat them in the microwave but who cares."

"Damn it Joss, go home and eat with your son,"he snapped.

She smirked. "Your anger is unimpressive, try again." she said. John looked like a beautiful volcano, one step from exploding. Too bad they weren't alone, surely they could have some orgasmic sex.

"I want you to leave," he growled.

"No." He glowered at the simple yet effective answer. "Put the alcohol down, you don't need that to deal with what you're feeling."

"You don't know what I'm feeling," John stated and purposely took a big gulp of it in front of her which seemed to make her smile instead of anger her as was his attempt.

"Are you testing my ability to read you and your feelings, even after all this time?" she wondered softly as she cocked one brow up and nodded. "Alright, fine, I know working this case brought up painful memories of your past, the past you don't like dwelling on or thinking about which was a double whammy on you. You turned to the bottle of Jack because that's what you always turned to when you were in the encampment to try to numb yourself from what you were feeling," she said and silence echoed through the kitchen. "I take it from your lack of denial I'm right."

John gently shook his head. She always knew what he was feeling. It was disconcerting when he had first met her and it still was now. "Joss, please, I just truly want to be alone."

"To drink," she said and watched as he looked away. "John, it didn't work when you were in the encampment, it's not going to work now," she said firmly as she reached out to cup his cheeks with both her hands, and his gaze met hers. His eyes were still the windows to his tormented soul. "I know you think you need to be alone to deal with this. But I don't want you to be."

He reached up grabbing her one wrist. "Joss…."

"Okay how about a compromise?—you let me stay here until after we eat dinner together and if you still want Taylor and me to go so you can be alone, we'll go. But that is only after dinner, I want to make sure you eat. Knowing you, you'll drink your dinner,"Joss bartered. She thought it was a pretty good compromise and all during dinner she was going to try her hardest at teasing him out of his mood so she wasn't pushed out of the door the very first chance he had.

"Alright," he gave in, seeing as he could throw her out but she would just let herself back in. She was stubborn enough to do it. And she brought Taylor along too and the boy said he was hungry.

Joss smiled brightly as she won the first round of the night. "Thank you, John," she murmured as she got up onto her tip-toes and pressed her lips against his gently. Even though she knew he was angry at being out foxed he responded to the kiss. She pulled back. "Now shoo, while I warm us our food up, you and Taylor can catch up," she said as she plucked the alcohol out of his hand. "No drinking in front of my son. You want to drink this crap you'll do it after we leave," she added.

"This is my home, Joss, you do not bark orders at me in it."

"Well then you'll think of that when you just let yourself in my place and bark orders at me in mine," Joss reprimanded as she shooed him away with her hand.

John was ready to snatch the bottle of Jack from her but resisted the childish urge. Her son was here and he was an impressionable teenager. He turned and exited his kitchen and found her son where he asked him to stay eyeballing his phone. He frowned seeing that the boy had picked his suit blazer up and hung it up for him.

"At least you listen," John grumbled as he approached Taylor.

Taylor laughed as he looked up and pocketed his cell. "Mom listens, she just chooses to do what's in the best interests of the people she cares about whether or not they know it," he said, covering for his mom and helping her cause. Judging by John's swift look away he got a point in his mom's favor. "But cool digs, John!" he admitted as he gave the place a slow perusal. "I brought my lines for my new play with me for your help to practice. I'm playing the lead in our school play," Taylor said.

Joss appeared out of the second set of French Doors that lead to the living room area. "Dinner is heating up. I'm so proud of you, Taylor, at getting cast as the lead," she said while secretly eyeing John, wondering where she could attack first. Filling him up on dinner was a must but getting him out of this mood was going to require more than just grub.

"Thanks, mom," Taylor said with a look at John before he approached his mother where she was sitting opening a can of soda for him putting it on a coaster. She had grabbed a bottled water for herself and one obviously for John. Taylor sat down beside her. John moved towards them and sat down beside her on his couch. Taylor handed John the packet with his cues for his lines on it.

Joss quietly listened as John cued Taylor for his lines for several minutes. She slid from the couch and hurried into the kitchen to make sure the food was heating up properly. She eyed the clock on the range. Probably another five minutes and she could take it out. She unhurriedly exited the kitchen and stepped behind her son as she listened to John helping her son practice his lines.

She casually rested her hands on her son's shoulders. "So, John, we were wondering if you would like to come see Taylor's play. It's next month," she asked. It was actually right near the time of Darren's school recital that they were invited to also. They were separated by only a week.

John looked up at her and then her son. "I want you to come, Mr. Badass," Taylor agreed. He had already gotten his dad and his girlfriend to come, his grandma was coming, and his mom was a given. But he wanted John to come too.

"Sure, I'll come," he agreed before looking down at the paper to read the lines as Joss and Taylor fistbumped discreetly.

"Dinner is almost ready," she said as she straightened. "John, Taylor, would you both help set the table?" she asked and John looked up and nodded. She got the men to follow her and set John's dining table that looked like he rarely used. Seemed to her that he ate most of his meals at the kitchen island, she understood why since he was alone.

It took them only mere minutes to have the table set, moved the food out onto the dining table, and seated with hot food on the plates. Taylor and Joss filled in the silence with chatter both picking at John, tag-teaming him trying to get him out of the mood he was in. Joss felt like they were doing a pretty good job of it when John and Taylor were in the middle of a discussion on why his favorite football team was Seattle Seahawks and not New York Giants. Her boy was a Giants fan through and through, John was a Seahawks fan through and through. It was interesting to listen to their debate.

"Can't believe you're a Seahawks fan!" Taylor said with a large laugh.

"Be easy on him, Tay, it must not be easy being a Seahawks fan," she teased.

"We're coming up, our turn will be coming. They're rebuilding," John murmured. "Eli has seen his last Superbowl," he asserted, taking a big gulp of his bottled water. They were all finishing their food and John's plate was empty. She had heaped a large pile of food on his to make sure he ate good and plenty.

"I'm stuffed." Taylor said with a belly rub. "That was as good reheated as it is fresh, mom."

"Thanks baby! John and I are going to clean up and do dishes, why not watch some television," she suggested, eyes on John trying to gauge what he was thinking. She was hoping he wasn't going to try to push her out of the place the first second he could. But at least with the guise of cleaning up she could pin him down alone and get an answer one way or another.

Taylor looked between John and his mom. "Yea sure, I'll watch some ESPN. Maybe there is a Rangers game on tonight." Taylor murmured shoving the chair back and getting up. "Would you like me to take my plate to the sink, John?"

"No, we got it," he murmured. Taylor nodded and turned to hurry for the living room to turn the TV on.

She and John gathered up the plates, silverware, and her dishes she brought the stuff in as they carried it all into his kitchen. In minutes they were doing dishes together. Joss was the drier while John was the washer.

Joss looked to John as Taylor was in his living room watching TV while they did the dishes together. "So after the dishes are done, are you kicking me and Taylor out to be alone or do we get to stay?" she asked as she looked out the set of French Doors that led to the living room. She heard ESPN blaring. Joss smiled glad to know her son was distracted as she looked back at John to step behind him and pressed into him from behind. He turned and she looped the wet towel around his neck tugging him down to kiss him fiercely.

He sighed into the kiss, dropping the plate back into the sudsy water in the sink as he responded to the kiss and lifted his wet hands to cup her face as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She greedily handed over the control of the kiss as she kissed him back, getting close as she could to him. John pushed free after a few minutes of desperately kissing.

"Kid present," he muttered.

"I know," she agreed before reluctantly sliding the towel from around his neck. Only two more days and their weekend would be upon them. Her body ached in need for John's. She wouldn't trade having her son with her at all but since her son split his time spending nights with her and grandma, she had gotten used to having John around. And until she could oust their relationship to her son John couldn't spend the nights when her son was home.

Joss glanced up into his translucent blue eyes. "So what's the verdict: are we going home now or what?"

John gazed into her eyes. "Stay," he said softly.

"What was that?"

"I said stay."

"I'm sorry it sounded like you just said to stay," she teased as she looped the towel around his neck again to tug him down, but not kiss him to lean her forehead against his.

"You figured I'd change my mind which is why you 'compromised' with me," he pointed out. "You're sneaky and if it wasn't against me I'd be impressed."

She smiled warmly as she stared deeply into his eyes. "Maybe I just know you better than you know yourself, John, and knew you didn't want to be alone," she murmured while sneaking a quick and tender kiss before releasing him, before she pressed him up against his counter and tried to have her way with him. Not with her boy like ten feet from them!

They went back to doing the dishes. After ten minutes she dropped the towel on the counter and John pulled the drain stopper making the water gurgle and the soap as it spun to go down the drain all at once. John dried off his hands and they exited the kitchen to sit down next to Taylor.

"So Yankees didn't make the playoffs but there is a Rangers game on tonight. Want to watch?" Taylor asked. Joss shrugged. She didn't care if she watched paint dry as long as she got to stay with John and be there in silent support to draw him from that depressed mood he had sunk into, the one that had him reaching for the alcohol, then it made no difference to her.

Joss scooted close to John as she wrapped her arms around one of his as both Taylor and John got interested in the game and she got lost in thoughts of how easy this could be a daily occurrence once John was made aware of their relationship. She smiled to herself as she snuggled into him more firmly and watched the game.

* * *

AN: I love the Joss, Taylor, and John dynamic. They are just the perfect three. Next chapter their weekend is upon them (I mean they deserve some happy sexy times).

Thanks for reading!


	43. Chapter 43

_**AN: This actually has some stuff from an episode from season 2 which I twisted to suit my wishes. Yes, my Careese loving heart demanded I do this ;D P.S. sorry for the length and this was even split into two chapters because of length!  
**_

* * *

Joss entered the Coronet Hotel in street clothes. John, Shaw, and Finch had worked a number here and she so wished she had gotten to see John as a cute bellhop or Shaw as a disgruntled dishwasher. Lionel had told her he barely resisted the urge to rent a room just to make wonder-boy carry his things up. It had given her a chuckle too, until he told her how pricy the upscale hotel was. She understood Fusco's hesitation and was rather grateful since she didn't want her man's back broken by the time he was finished with the number. Their much anticipated weekend was finally here and she didn't want a half dead John from working as a bell hop. She had plans for lots of lovemaking in store for them.

While John and her friends had been busy working the number, she had been busy at the precinct working old cases and met with Agent Moss. Agent Moss had showed up and she nearly panicked as to why until he told her it was for the position that Donnelly had only offered her. She had declined. It wasn't fair or right. Donnelly only offered it because he wanted to use her to get John and not under her own merit. And Donnelly was dead because of her. No matter how much John and the others tried to persuade her otherwise, that it was Kara's doing, Donnelly died because she hadn't been truthful and it weighed on her. They had to get that woman, not only for John's emotional sake but for Donnelly, who was a good man that was dead because of her. So far there had been no news on Kara Stanton which was worrying. If they could know just what the hell she was up too…

She found Harold and the number, Mira Dobrica, behind the concierge desk talking amicably. She headed their way and wondered where John and Shaw were. "Hey," she greeted drawing both their gazes from whatever they were looking at, up to hers.

"Good morning, detective," Harold said happily.

She smiled and nodded as she turned to eye Mira. "You're looking good, Mira. Harold told me about his plans on promoting you to hotel manager."

"Thank you, Jocelyn. I didn't get to thank you for what you did last night, for saving my life," Mira replied.

Joss smiled. "You didn't have to," she said softly before looking at Harold. "So how many hotels do you own, Harold?" Joss demanded. John had called her up late last evening to give her the details of what had happened and thank her for being there at the precinct to protect Mira.

Harold shrugged. "Only the one, I called up the owner and presented him an offer he couldn't refuse and wrote out a check this morning. We already signed at the wee hours this morning. Our lawyers were none too pleased with having to arrive at such an early hour, but I'm sure their pocket book will enjoy it."

"So since you own this bad boy does that mean a friend of yours could possibly get the penthouse suite at a cheap discount?—like say something that doesn't cost more than her salary in a month." Joss inquired as delicious thoughts of having John for a weekend getaway here was nearly too good to pass up on. But the luxurious penthouse suite on the top floor had enormous dollar signs.

Finch smiled. "For you and Mr. Reese there is no charge," he countered as he motioned at Mira to do the honors.

"I didn't mean hand me the damn thing, Harold," Joss complained as she watched the two look giddy as Mira proceeded to check them in. However it seemed her irritated statement didn't penetrate either of them as they were making the keycard.

Mira handed her the card. "The room is on the top floor. I think it's romantic, you and John are such a gorgeous couple," she admitted on a sigh. When John had been trying to save her, he calmed her by telling her little things and one of the things he talked about was Detective Carter. And the way he talked about this woman made her heart swoon and she hoped she'd find someone who loved her as much as John loved this detective.

Joss sighed as she took the keycard. "Thanks, on both accounts."

"It is I who owes the many thanks," Mira said with a warm touch on Joss's hand.

"If I need any help I'll ask Ms. Shaw for the assistance to give you and John some time to yourselves this weekend," Finch added with a warm smile.

"That would be appreciated," she thanked him. She had the weekend off which was a rarity since she tended to work at least a Saturday or Sunday. Her momma was looking forward to having Taylor to herself, while she was looking forward to having John to herself. She looked at Finch. "Where's John?"

"Currently he's in the hotel's restaurant, sitting with Ms. Morgan."

"Oh…" She had known about Zoe being here working on her own thing and helping the guys out with causing a distraction.

Finch eyed her. "Jocelyn you do not need to worry, Mr. Reese has eyes only for you." he said sincerely and she smiled. It wasn't John she was worried about.

"I know that. Can you do me a favor though Harold?"

"Sure, anything, Jocelyn."

"Don't let him leave. I want to surprise him with the penthouse suite but uh…well, I need to go get a couple things," she said, feeling heat creep up her neck and into her cheeks. She might need to stop by John's place and let herself in to get him a change of clothes.

"Oh…er…yes, of course, if John tries to leave I'll stall him." Finch said quickly trying unsuccessfully to hide his own embarrassment.

"Thanks Harold," she said quickly as she whirled around and hurried for the exit.

She needed to head home to grab some clothes, get her bubble bath supplies. She had a feeling that this tub in the penthouse suite was going to blow hers away and she was never going to want to leave. And not to mention she needed to head to Victoria's Secret to get some sexy lingerie. This was their first weekend getaway of sorts. Sure it was in a hotel that Finch just acquired but still, she got the penthouse suite which was on the top floor with a beautiful view of Manhattan. John loved gazing out at the stars. Caught him several times looking out his window and hers when he was over. She had a secret fantasy of making love to John in a remote location, where it was just them under the blanket of stars.

Joss was only gone from the Coronet Hotel for about an hour as she packed a bag, broke into John's place and took a change of clothes for him before she headed to Victoria Secret. She reentered the hotel with the bag, and Mira had a bellhop accompanied by Harold, immediately take it to their room which she appreciated, because she had to go get John. She walked towards the restaurant but a firm grasp on her forearm stopped her and she looked to her side and saw Shaw there.

"What do you want, Shaw?"

"Finch told me I get the training wheels taken off and get to work a case by myself because you are going to screw Reese all weekend," Shaw commented.

Joss did not believe Finch said a word of that as he was more refined than that. "Yea, well, I hope you do well and call Fusco for backup if needed," she admonished before pinning the little brunette with a firm look. "I better not find a single damn bug on me or John, or else."

"What would you do if you found one?" Shaw wondered with a smirk tilting one side of her face up.

Kill her, but Joss believed that Shaw would enjoy it. Besides she knew the real way to get Shaw to comply: aim for that belly of hers. "I'll tell John, who is very private, and you can kiss all those meals he buys you goodbye because he won't be too happy to learn you were listening in on us," she said sweetly. "So your choice is: listen in on us having amazing orgasmic sex or…food?" Joss questioned, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Shaw looked extremely torn.

Shaw frowned. "You wouldn't do that, that's inhumane, and you're not cruel."

Joss chuckled. "Don't play with me Shaw, if you have a bug on us or in the room you better remove it or kiss the food he buys you goodbye," she teased.

Shaw eyed her. "Fine, I'll go remove the bug from the room, you sadist. Steaks are better than sex anyways. I'll be back," she complained as she stormed away. Joss chuckled as she disagreed with Shaw, having sex with John was better than anything on this planet. She headed for the restaurant to go get John.

* * *

"What was your business here anyway?" John wondered as he sat with Zoe, who ordered breakfast and he sipped some coffee.

"Well let's just say that the convention wasn't as boring as I thought it would be," Zoe said but nodded to the TV settled behind the counter. "I see you and Harold made the news, not too bad, considering you also helped to take down an escort ring."

"They barely got the floor manager into handcuffs before he confessed to the entire operation," John said with a wry smile. Wasn't surprising that guy had been out cold on one punch.

"And meanwhile my phone hasn't lit up; no councilmen needing to know that their names aren't going to show up on the client list," Zoe murmured before growing silent for a few moments before shifting the conversation. "So, how is Detective Carter?" she asked casually.

"She's fine," he answered without expounding on it, taking a sip of his coffee instead.

"Are you two a thing?" Zoe wondered aloud.

He eyed her directly. "Why would you ask that?"

Zoe shrugged. "Because that night I met her it sure seemed to me that you liked the detective. Might she be the reason you denied my request for a more pleasurable evening than just playing poker the night before?"

"She might be," he agreed a little looking away.

Zoe nodded. "She doesn't seem to be the type of woman to be into a casual relationship like I am," Zoe murmured as she delicately cut into her vegetarian omelet. "She seems more the settling down type—the marrying type."

John eyed her sharply. "She knows the limitations," he said and Zoe nodded, but before she could say anything more he continued. "Zoe, I like you. You're a friend and you're a good ally. But do not put Joss down."

Zoe eyed him in surprise. "That wasn't my intention John."

"Then what was?" he asked but before he could get an answer a soft 'hey' interrupted their conversation and John turned to eye Joss.

Zoe glanced at the detective with impeccable timing. Her intention wasn't to insult Joss but point out the differences between her and the Detective and how they were a better fit. But perhaps she had miscalculated John's devotion to the pretty detective…and his feelings. Zoe had felt that John was more like her, incapable of a lasting relationship because they shut people out. Maybe she had been hoping he was because she simply wanted him. But it seemed John was content in this relationship that was developing with Detective Joss Carter.

"Detective Carter," Zoe said politely, bowing out of the game for John. Well, John would be fun to flirt with and tease but there were other men in the sea that would be perfect for what she needed: sex.

"Call me Joss. Thanks for the assist on the Mira case, Zoe, John told me about your help," Joss said before pinning John with a smile. "And you…." she purred tugging out the penthouse's keycard. "….you and I have a date up in the penthouse suite. And I'm owed that bubble bath, then I think I might get you in my cuffs after." she purred.

"I have to go," Zoe murmured, suddenly getting to her feet leaving her meal half-eaten. Joss pulled back and smirked. Looks like Zoe got the picture. "It was nice seeing you, John, don't be a stranger," she said slyly before looking at her. "Detective, it was a pleasure," Zoe finished and with that she turned and sauntered away.

John looked to Joss and cocked a brow. "Was that for my benefit or hers?"

"Hers," Joss said unashamed. "She made sure the last time we saw each other that you two were playing house," she said with a small shrug.

He reached out to gently curl some of her hair around his fingers. "So naturally this time you had to make sure she knew we were sleeping together," he murmured.

Joss leaned her face in close to him, lips close. "I don't share with anyone. Product of being an only child," she teased coyly, recalling John's jealous and possessive claim over her with Cal Beecher. "Are you mad?" she whispered.

His eyes met hers. "No,"

"Are you feeling better?" she wondered genuinely. If he was still dealing with some lingering issues after Sullivan number he worked, fun and sexy times could wait. His mental health meant more to her than their sex life.

John pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I'm better, thanks to you," he reassured her as he pulled back. He had been glad she had taken the Jack Daniels with her when she and her son left after the Rangers game ended because he wasn't fully sure if he would have been able to resist it when left alone.

"You shut me out and turned to alcohol. Please don't do that again, talk to me instead," she asked. "You know that irks my stubborn side," she added.

He cocked a brow. "Your stubborn side?—you mean you have another side?" he teased gently and she playfully scowled at him. She was immensely pleased that he was feeling better enough to tease her. "I'll try," he said softly, growing serious once more.

"Good, because I hope you know by now, after everything we've been through together, that I'll always be on your side and you can tell me anything, John," she said searching his eyes.

"I know."

She nodded before she smiled coyly at him, tugging her cuffs out and letting them dangle from her index finger. "Well since you're in a better mood I got a feeling tonight is going to knock your socks off, John, not that you'll be wearing any," she said with a wink before her eyes dropped to the cuffs then back to his big blue eyes. "I sincerely hope they have a headboard that's sturdy," she said and got the desired look: nostrils flared and his blue eyes darkened. "Come up when you're ready," she whispered seductively in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe before pushing from him and turned to walk away. She heard the scraping of the stool being pushed back and she grinned as she walked to the elevator doors.

Shaw and Finch were loitering around in the lobby area, clearly waiting for them but giving them space and Joss grinned at them. "See you guys next week," she said with a dismissive wave as John caught up rather quickly. He swallowed hard at the wolfish smile Shaw was giving them.

"Yes, please have a nice…time." Harold said unsure of what to say as he turned and limped away as they entered the elevator.

Shaw grinned at them. "You two have a nice weekend of fuc—" and thankfully the elevator doors slid shut, cutting off what Shaw was about to say. She and John both had the same idea as they turned for each other immediately. John's mouth settled on hers, warm and passionate, as he pushed her into the corner of the elevator.

"Mmm," she moaned, gripping his suit blazer tightly in her fists as she responded to his kiss with ready and burning need. God, it felt like forever for this weekend to get here.

He broke the kiss. "I don't care if everyone knows we are about to have sex. I need you," he admitted before kissing her neck and swirling his tongue on her racing pulse. Joss sighed as she rubbed up against him, feeling just how much he needed her. The erection already poking her belly was telling enough. Someone missed her as much as she missed him.

"Oh down boy, we aren't having sex just yet. Bath first then sex," she said with a laugh.

John pulled back and gave her a honest to goodness pout. She felt herself nearly cave. "Why?—we'll just need to shower," he said and she stiffened her resolve.

"Bath first, then sex," she said not budging. If they did it the opposite way she'd forget all about the damn bath, wanting to get her some John all night long. They turned, immediately assuming the stance of normal people, not people about to have sex in an elevator as the elevator stopped well short of the top floor, and the doors opened and a little old woman entered.

The woman had the whitest hair that was cut short and she had to be about one hundred pounds and was about four feet tall. John strategically tugged Joss to stand in front of him and Joss nearly laughed out loud that John didn't want the old woman to notice his erection that was pressing against her butt. God, John was so unassumingly cute. Joss rotated her hips and he tapped her hip to try to tell her to stop but she liked the low sound she heard escape him.

When they arrived at the next floor the elevator opened and the elderly woman got off and the doors slid shut, leaving them alone once more. "You enjoyed yourself?" he purred in her ear as he slid the hand that had rested on her hip down to press his hand to her crotch, fingers massaging her through her clothes. She moaned as she leaned her head against his shoulder. John's lips were at her neck pressing soft kisses, before his nose nuzzled near her ear. "Didn't you?" he whispered and his warm breath washed across her in a sweet caress.

"I did." she agreed with a smile even though she was a tad frustrated since her clothes were in the way. Joss swiveled her hips, grinding up against his erection loving the same low sound he made earlier and he pressed his hand harder against her. The elevator stopped again but this time at the top floor and when the doors opened they stepped out.

They walked to the only door on the floor. The hall up here from the elevator was short. Joss inserted the keycard in and he opened the door for them. They both blinked in surprise as they slowly entered, momentarily forgetting their surging desire for one another.

"This isn't a hotel room it's a damn apartment," he murmured as they looked around. Joss nodded in agreement as she removed her leather coat, nonchalantly tossing it on a nearby wing backed chair. This place was nearly bigger than her place!

They went on a mini little tour of the room and kitchenette before finding the balcony. Joss eyed John who immediately opened the balcony doors and stepped out into the mid-morning air. She didn't miss the way he closed his eyes as he inhaled. He truly did like fresh air. Her eyes slid to the small table and chairs set out there which would be perfect for them to eat at. She'd brave the chilly air for him.

She turned and hurried to the bathroom. Please let them have an amazing tub, please, pretty please! Joss flicked the light switch on.

"Oh my god, John, it is perfect. Do you think they'd notice their tub is missing if we steal it?" she said with a long satisfied smile. She leaned down and touched the freestanding beautiful, white porcelain Clawfoot tub! "It's so elegant and beautiful, perfect for this suite." she admitted, but still she wanted to help herself to it.

He chuckled softly as he entered the large bathroom with the rather awkward looking tub. Joss seemed to love it. It was freestanding from the mirrored wall behind it and his gaze looked around to the rest of the large bathroom. It had his and hers sinks, a fancy looking toilet, marble flooring, and a nice shower stall in the back that was more his speed.

"I think they'd notice it missing, Joss," he said as he peered over her shoulder and smiled as she rubbed the tub almost maternally. She must really enjoy baths. "Is it to your liking?"

"I'd kill to have this tub in my bathroom," she muttered as she looked up to him, standing up to wrap her arms around his neck and kissed him. He sighed as he responded to it readily, wrapping his arms around her back. She ended the kiss before they were making out or they'd be tugging clothes off and having sex. "To be continued, because breakfast is first before anything else."

"How about we work up an appetite?" John suggested. He wanted Joss, not food.

She smirked as she rubbed up against his erection. "I think you worked up enough of an appetite. Food first, bath second, sex third."

"Reverse it," he tried again but failed as she slid free out of his grip and exited the bathroom. He despondently followed her, realizing she was dead set on eating breakfast.

Joss hurried over to her bag that the bellhop had left on the king sized bed. Her eyes zeroed in on the headboard, which looked sturdy enough for later activities. "I packed you a few things." she murmured unzipping it a little to peek inside. She turned to produce the three pairs of his boxer-briefs she packed for him. "Ta-da…"

"Underwear, that's all you packed me?" he said and smirked.

She shrugged. "No I did decide to let you have a change of clothes for when we check out. I just packed you a couple pairs of underwear for the weekend since that's all you're allowed in this weekend…if that."

"If I'm not, you're not," he purred as he stalked her and she flung his underwear at him smacking him on the chest, he smiled as he continued to pursue her.

"Oh no you don't, you stay back!" she huffed as she carried her bag with her. "Call room service and order us some breakfast to distract yourself and I'm going to use the restroom." she said sternly as she nearly ran to the bathroom as if not trusting him not to just grab her. She was right to worry because John had serious thoughts of doing just that, pin her to the bed, and make her forget about food and this bath. They could have both later.

He scowled as he watched her wave at him and slammed the door shut and he stormed over there and narrowed his eyes as he tested the doorknob. "You locked the door, Joss, darling, where is the trust?"

"HA! Trust in your large and overly enthusiastic buddy down there that's extremely happy to see me, to not have you barge in here and have your way with me, never!" she said playfully. He laughed softly. Joss always kept him on his toes, he never knew what she was going to say or do. "I saw that look in your eyes, you're idea of breakfast is me!" she said with a smile sounding in her voice. "You need real food, John. You need it for your stamina."

"Joss…" he said softly as he rubbed a palm on the heavy oak door. "Are you questioning my stamina? You remember the last time you questioned my aim?"

"Mmm…I do, I found Shangri-La, but I'm not questioning your stamina. I'm just pointing out that you need protein in you because, John, you won't know what hit you," she purred.

John swallowed hard as his cock hardened painfully at the promise in her words. "Alright, I'll go order us breakfast."

"Thank you…" she called out distractedly.

He eyed the door as if it was to blame for closing itself and keeping him from Joss, before he trudged away, willing the growing desire to just pick the lock to flee. Joss would be mad at him if he did that. So he called room service and ordered the breakfast special which had loads of eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and pancakes. He smirked as he thought about Shaw. She would be in heaven, maybe he should text her and gloat. Nah, with his luck she'd force her way in here and eat their breakfast. He hung up with the hotel and turned to look at the bathroom door seeing it was still shut. He had no idea what was taking Joss so long in there. From the sounds of things, she barely packed anything besides underwear that neither of them were going to need. But it left him enough time to get in a quick call to Finch.

Harold answered immediately. "Don't worry, Mr. Reese, any number working is being taken up by Ms. Shaw," he reassured quickly.

"And that's supposed to make me worry less?" he demanded.

"Ms. Shaw has promised to remember no headshots or center mass. And I think she's coming around to see our side of things, at least for the most part," Finch admitted. "But Detective Fusco is here to help me keep her in line and you and Jocelyn deserve a weekend of relaxation."

"Thanks, but that's not why I called," John admitted.

"Is the room not to your liking, it's the best room but I could…"

"Finch, it's fine," he said over Harold. "I called about Joss."

"Alright," Finch sounded hesitant.

"Can you access my bank account and buy her a similar tub as the one in the penthouse suite and have it installed in her place while we're here? I know it is short notice but if anyone can get it done quickly it's you Finch. I want to surprise her with it."

"Excuse me?"

"I want you to buy her a tub and have it installed in her home while we are staying here this weekend. Take it out of my account, I'm sure you can hack the local bank, unless you're slipping, Finch," he said quietly as he teased his friend.

"You want to purchase Jocelyn a tub, as in a bathtub?" Harold asked, he was flabbergasted and did not pay attention to the teasing comment about his hacking skills.

"Yea, she likes the one that's in the penthouse suite. So get her that one or one very similar to it," he said, eyes sliding back to the closed bathroom door. If she liked taking these baths, she needed one she really liked and it seemed the one she had currently had wasn't as good as this one.

Harold was pleased. Mr. Reese was buying Jocelyn something so extravagant that had to mean that John was coming around finally. Maybe this weekend getaway was when Jocelyn was going to gently show Mr. Reese that their relationship was deep and binding.

"Alright I'll look into it, see if I can get her the exact one, Mr. Reese," he said happily. He would just have to place a call to Mira and find out what tub was in the penthouse suite.

"Thanks, Finch, I got to go," he said looking away. He had no idea how much longer she was going to be in there and he didn't want to ruin the surprise she would walk into when she got home from their weekend.

Finch made a sound of happiness and John furrowed his brows. Why was he happy? "Yes, you and Jocelyn have a nice weekend. And don't worry, John, it will be done by the time she arrives home on Monday," Finch assured him and hung up without another word.

John turned around when he heard the bathroom door open and he dropped his cell phone. He swallowed hard as his cock jerked in reaction. Now he knew what was taking so long. She had been curling her hair, doing her makeup, and slipping into something a little less comfortable. Joss stood wearing a black lace and satin teddy, with her breasts nearly popping out. And the teddy was see-through at the crotch causing him to lick his lips. Joss twirled for him and wiggled her butt at him and he sighed as her ass was on full display.

"I picked it out with you in mind, John. I notice your thing about my ass a long time ago," she murmured and he groaned harshly. "And when I saw this teddy, I knew it was perfect for my man," she teased as she turned to face forward again. "Not to mention it's see through at the crotch, as you can tell." she winked as she slid a hand down her belly and pointed, as if he hadn't been staring between her legs to eye her exposed sex.

"I thought…" he croaked feeling like a frog had taken up residence in his throat as desire burned through him, settling tight in his belly as his cock stiffened painfully under his underwear. He had been just relaxing and his erection was softening until she exited the bathroom.

"That we were having breakfast and our bath together? We are, but that doesn't mean I don't get to tease you the entire time. I told you, you need to eat," she murmured with a grin. "Maybe you should take off your suit blazer, John, you look a little flushed," she said with faux concern.

John swallowed hard as she approached him. He grabbed her hips immediately. "You're beautiful," he moaned as he stared down at her. He could see the outline of her nipples.

"Thank you," she smiled up at him. "Do you like the teddy?"

"Yes," he answered roughly. He didn't even pay attention to the fact that she lifted her hands to slide under his blazer to push it off. He let it slide to the floor carelessly. "Joss, please, I'm not hungry for food," he admitted as he slid his hands around her to cup her butt pulling her firmly against him.

She sighed as he kneaded her butt, loving being pressed up against his throbbing manhood. She liked that he needed her so much because she felt the same way. She loved him and wanted to make this weekend extra special. Joss wanted to make all the pain they dealt with recently evaporate, leaving them rejoiced, happy, and healed. She wasn't over watching her life tick down to seconds left. It came to her in nightmares still: what if Finch hadn't stopped it, and she'd wake up with her heart pounding that she grabbed at her chest to make sure she truly was alive. But she wasn't going to tell John that. She couldn't or it would eat away at him, because he'd view it as his fault since Kara was his past that came after her. Joss knew how to move on over what happened, it just took time; she had healed after nearly dying from that land mine and being haunted by that Marine's green eyes, she could heal after what Kara had put her through. Kara wasn't stronger than her. She was pathetic and used people to her advantage, used people to hurt John. She was the real monster and she was going to prove to John that he never was one. Even if it took forever to get him to believe her, she'd happily tell him it over and over again.

John eyed her in the teddy, not seeing the look in her eyes, and wanted to tear the skimpy material off her and have at her. Make her forget about breakfast, this bath, everything standing in his way of having her.

"Do you feel what you're doing to me?" he demanded gently, almost pleading. "Telling me I can't have you yet while you're wearing that, you're practically naked. And you curled your hair and…" his eyes drifted to her full lips that were decorated with the richest color red he'd ever seen. It was tempting him to suck on her lips.

There was a knock on the door. "Room service," they announced cheerfully.

John shuddered as Joss slipped from his grasp as more knocking sounded. "I'll be there in a minute," he shouted in annoyance, making Joss smile. She rarely heard John yell, it was unusual and she was happy she was the reason he was all out of sorts.

"Now John, don't take out your frustrations on the poor little man that has to deliver room service," she teased.

John let her go and grabbed his discarded suit blazer off the floor and helped her put it on and he tugged it closed. "Keep it shut," he snapped and she chuckled at her big burly bear. Someone was grouchy from being teased, just wait until later.

He opened the door and grew irritated when he saw it was a guy in his twenties. John narrowed his eyes on the boy as he stepped aside to let him in. "Room service is on the house, compliments from our new owner, Harold Wren," the young man said as he wheeled the cart full of food and wine glasses full of orange juice.

Joss smiled at John wickedly, who was glaring at her while the young man, who had his back to her, who was busy telling him about other services the hotel had that could be ordered. She let his suit blazer part and rubbed her breasts with her eyes resting on John's.

John groaned inwardly and knew he was going to die a slow death as he watched Joss stroke her perfect breasts. His mouth salivated at sucking at them as his eyes followed her hand that drifted down her flat stomach sliding downwards. He nearly moaned out loud as he wanted to follow the same path with his mouth, but having her naked and settle his mouth between her legs. The need grew to unbearable heights as he felt his cock grow even harder if possible.

The man was running through a long list of extra amenities that the hotel had for their room service menu. "Yea, whatever, kid, here have a generous tip just to stop talking and leave," John commanded thrusting a few hundred dollar bills into his hand and shoved him towards the door, not letting him get a glimpse of Joss.

"Thank you sir, that's very generous! Hope you have a nice breakfast and when you're through with the food just leave the cart outside the door and we'll pick it up."

"You're welcome, now read the sign." John snapped as he flung 'Do Not Disturb' on the doorknob before slamming it shut in his face.

Joss snickered as John whirled around after locking the door. "Where are your manners, John?"

"He wouldn't stop talking about the menu. I don't care what's on the menu, I just need you," he said as he got close to her, just to moan as she let his suit blazer slide to the floor as she walked to the table to eat. "You're serious about eating first?" he said with eyes on her ass.

"Yes, I'm _hungry_. Come here, don't be shy," she said as she patted the chair that the cart sat near, as she dipped down her breasts nearly spilled out of the skimpy material.

John stalked over to his doom as he sat down rather aggravated. She leaned over him to heap piles of eggs, hashbrowns, and bacon onto his plate. His eyes were far more interested in her perfect breasts than the food. He was close to whining as she stepped away and filled a second plate for herself before sitting down crossing one leg over the other and poured some syrup over her pancakes.

She looked up. "What's the matter, John?" she wondered with a smirk as she leaned forward to eat. John didn't say anything before he shoveled his food into his mouth. Maybe if he ate fast then they could get in this bath quicker and then he could have her finally. Joss carefully cut her pancake trying to not laugh as she watched John scarf his food down. He would give Shaw a run for the money with the incentive of sex. She purposely went slower than normal as she eyed his plate that went from being full to being nearly depleted in minutes. "Mmm, this is good," she murmured.

"Yea, good, so good I'm done." he said and then looked at her plate and frowned. "Joss, your plate is still full."

"That's because I didn't inhale my food, John. I read a study that if you eat slower you can lose weight," she said conversationally.

"You don't need to lose weight and if you eat any slower you're be anorexic," he snapped.

She snorted with laughter. "That's impossible, John."

He sulked. He didn't care if it was possible or not he just wanted her to eat faster. "I'll go start the bath." he said as he stood up. Joss grinned at the erection tenting his pants up. Poor John, he was in need here.

She looked up. "Go ahead, the bubble bath is in the duffel bag that I left in the bathroom," she said, looking down as he turned immediately. She snickered. Wait until he saw the red teddy in there.

John entered the bathroom and turned the water on, plugging the drain with the stopper the hotel provided. He grabbed the duffel bag on the floor and looked in there for the bottle of bubble bath she brought. His fingers collided with something that felt like lace. He tugged it out and moaned. Joss bought another negligee, he held it out, and eyed it. It had even less fabric than the one she currently was wearing.

"I don't know, John, I don't think it will fit you."

He whirled around and saw the little vixen herself leaning against the doorframe with her orange juice glass in hand. "Joss…"

"What?—I'm still eating I was just seeing how you're doing with our bath. Unless of course you wait and let me do it, we can share my pancakes so they're done quicker," she suggested. He dropped the lacy negligee. He'd do anything to get her moving faster.

"You're testing my patience, Joss," he stated thickly, letting her tug him back to the table. But now all he could think about was her in that red lacy thing.

"I told you, you need stamina," she said as he sat down and she climbed on top of him.

He hissed as she rested on his lap, pressing against him intimately and he damn well wished there were less clothes in the way. "What are you doing, Joss?"

"Sitting to finish my breakfast," she said simply as she looked down between them. "Someone's hungry for something else," she murmured, rolling her hips against him suggestively.

John reached up and palmed her breasts. God she had amazing breasts. "You can finish later." He was close to begging. Maybe that was what she was after, well he'd beg her to put him out of his misery. He was having trouble thinking straight.

"Or I can finish now with your help." she said as she finally tugged her gaze off his and reached over to grab the fork and stuck it into her pancakes and held it out for him. He eyed her as he opened his mouth to let her feed him. "You have something here," she murmured as she eyed the corner of his mouth. But before he could lick out to get the syrup, she settled her mouth there and licked. He moaned. She pulled back. "Sorry, I got some syrup on you," she said, not apologetic in the least.

Fine, she wanted to play seductress, he could play too! He dipped his index finger into the syrup and reached out to draw a line down her throat to her sternum and her eyes darkened as he settled his tongue on her sternum and licked upwards, stopping at her chin. She shivered in his arms.

"Mmm…" he sighed as he pulled his mouth from her delicious neck and she dropped the fork onto the plate.

"Bath time," she muttered as she climbed off of him, immediately grabbing his hand and tugging. John smirked softly as he allowed her to tug him to the bathroom. Someone sure forgot about eating all of a sudden. "You'll love it," she promised. He didn't care, all he knew was he needed her and he could try to be patient and wait until this bath that she truly wanted was over. Because once he had Joss in that bed, he wasn't letting her out of it.

* * *

AN: Poor grouchy John, sure can't take being on the other side of the teasing :D Next chapter: bubble bath and smut, oh and I guess conversation too if you really need that ;D

Thanks for reading!


	44. Chapter 44

_**AN: Smut alert and then some fluff :)**_

* * *

Joss heard his groan as she bent over to unplug the drain to let the water drain out before re-plugging it and turned on the water to start filling the tub once more. She had nearly forgotten about this bath she wanted when he licked her neck. That tongue of his nearly made thinking unfathomable. It had been sexy and nearly too much for her to handle. But she wanted this bath first because she knew what would happen to them if they fell into bed first. They would be in bed the entire time with a few showers and meals sprinkled in here and there. She began adding the bubble bath in and soon she had a nice blend of bubbles and warm water.

She turned and saw John was already undressing. It was her turn to moan as she eyed his beautiful body. He was currently removing his pants and standing in just his underwear. "You undressed in record time," she said as she tried to drag the seductress back under control, who seemed to have taken a holiday, as she eyed the large bulge in his underwear. She licked her lips.

"Just doing my part to get ready for bath-time," he murmured as he pushed his underwear down and stood in front of her naked. Her eyes landed on his very large and extremely erect penis. Come to momma! She reached out to grab him but he turned as he climbed into the bathtub. "Ah, ah, now, Joss, no touching, it is bath-time remember?" he said with a wicked grin.

"Tease," she griped as she felt wetter than two seconds ago when he'd been in his underwear.

John made a face as he sat in the tub. "And you enjoy doing this, sitting in bubbles?" he wondered out loud as he shifted a little, grimacing a bit.

"I do and you might not like it but you look amazing in them." she said as she eyed him in the tub. She wasn't kidding. John looked so damn good. She could tell already he wasn't going to enjoy the bath as much as she was but she was grateful he was willing to see it through. She tied her hair up high on her head not wanting it wet and peeled off the skimpy material of her teddy and stood naked in front of him. He reached out to help her in and she sat down and sighed as the warm water and bubbles surrounded her.

They sat together quietly for a few minutes and she relaxed in the warm water. She eyed him softly, seeing he looked unsure of himself. "John, they're just bubbles. Unless you're worried they'll take away your masculinity," she teased, trying to relax him.

Joss watched as a flash of anger crossed his handsome face. "Joss, I'm not insecure in my masculinity and I do not like the implication that I am."

Joss blinked in surprise at the anger before she thought back to what she said and she wished she could go back and un-say it. To her it was innocent but to a man that had faced years of manipulation and coercion it sounded like a veiled jab.

"I'm so sorry, John. I didn't mean to sound like that. I was trying to tease you to help you relax," she said softly and sincerely.

He nodded as the surge of anger died immediately. "It's okay, Joss. But I have never done this—a romantic bath with a woman before. This is something you had your heart set on, and I'm sure I'll let you down," he said softly, worried he was going to screw it up, which was why he took her words the wrong way, because he was out of his element.

She stared at him incredulously. That was why he was this uncomfortable, because he thought she was going to not enjoy the bath with him. "John, you are just the cutest man I have ever met," she said with a happy smile and before he could claim otherwise she finished. "You already are making this perfect."

He eyed her unsure but she seemed content. John reached and grabbed her foot and lifted it from under the water. She eyed him as she lounged against the other end of the tub as their legs touched. He began kneading and massaging her foot.

"I get you in a bath and a foot rub, careful, John, I'm gonna drag you into all my baths," she murmured but he didn't make a remark instead he concentrated on her because all he could think about was getting her in bed. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're amazing at foot massages?" she wondered absentmindedly.

He smiled as she closed her eyes. "You might have mentioned it once or twice. But you're not a slouch at massages either. Joss, your 'Joss Carter Massage' got you this bath," he murmured softly.

She smiled. "Yea, you were putty in my hands," she agreed and he moved to the next foot. They quietly sat in the warm water and the soft bubbles with the lavender vanilla scent clinging to them. And he had to admit that it was better than he was anticipating, once he got a chance to relax. The warm water and bubbles didn't help with his raging erection but his muscles loosened up a bit. His eyes were on her as she leaned her head back.

John smiled as he lifted her foot up and kissed the underside of her instep before moving up to her toes. He felt her leg stiffen and he held her foot firmly. He looked at her and she was watching him. He eyed her toes, before sucked the middle one into his mouth.

Joss moaned as he slid his tongue across the underside of her toe. She stared into his eyes as he repeated the same action with another toe. Never in her life had anyone ever sucked on her toes, she didn't even think it would be remotely sexy, but John seemed to make everything sexy. He lowered her leg a little as he pressed soft kisses up to her ankle where he licked, before catching some skin between his teeth. Joss felt her sex tingle in reaction. She had been wet and ready before climbing in the bath. And she was even more than ready for him. She wanted him, needed him. She lifted her arms from lounging by her sides to stroke her nipples.

John watched as she rubbed her breasts as he licked his tongue up her shin. He lifted a little to continue up her leg getting to her knee when she sat forward, tugging her leg from him and kissed him. He sighed as her tongue slid into his mouth and she climbed on top of him. He reached down and positioned himself beneath her and she sunk down on him.

Joss moaned as he filled her. She grabbed his shoulders, nails biting into his skin as John hadn't begun to move. He remained still for a moment before he began to finally move inside her. The water gently sloshed around them at his careful and slow movements. Their eyes met and one of the bonuses from the way they were sitting and making love, she got to see his eyes and kiss his lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she began moving in time with his strokes, loving the sighs he made as he palmed her breasts. He leaned over and sucked on her nipple uncaring to the bubbles he swallowed. She tasted like lavender vanilla now.

She slid her arms from around his neck to trail her hands down his naked chest to rake her fingernails over his hard nipples, earning a soft grunt and he sucked harder on hers. They gently rocked together for a long while, not needing fast and furious. The water grew tepid as their lovemaking was unhurried, but after a while she felt her orgasm clawing its way forward steadily, but was annoyed when he stopped their movements altogether. She eyed him questioningly before he shifted under her and lifted her off him completely. She felt bereft of his thick cock in her before he situated her so that her butt rested against the side of the tub and she squeaked at the cold porcelain touching her ass. Joss was facing towards the wall mirrors mounted behind the freestanding tub with John between her legs kneeling as his cock jutted from under the water while her feet were resting against the other side of the tub. Her gaze shifted around him to stare at his beautiful backside before her eyes shifted back to his in question.

"John?" she said in wonderment as she sat on the side of the tub as water and bubbles dripped from ass and legs. Her body felt cool as the air circulated around her wet skin and his eyes dipped between her legs that were spread to her exposed sex. She rested her knees on either side of his body.

"Hold onto the tub tightly Joss," he ordered. She locked her arms straight and clutched the edge of the porcelain tub tightly and braced the middle of her insteps on the other side of the tub.

"Like that?" she asked, feeling sort of like she was doing her chair lift exercises.

He nodded as he pulled her butt off the edge of the tub and she caught herself holding her weight up, moaning loudly as he slid himself back into her fully as he was barely helping hold her up. Her arms were already burning from keeping her up from falling into the tub, maybe she needed to do more of those exercises if John was going to get creative during sex.

"Now move Joss," he commanded. Joss stared at him as pleasure swirled tight as she realized he was giving her control over this. He was going to make her do the work, control the encounter, and she was more than happy to do so.

Joss squeezed her knees against his pelvic bone as she situated her feet on the other side of the tub better. She pushed against the other side of the tub behind them with her feet using it as leverage to push off of and he slid out of her nearly all the way but she stopped at just the tip of him inside her and held there for a moment. Her eyes on his and saw he was enjoying being made love too before she pushed forward using all her arm strength, bending her knees as she did taking him deeply inside her as she rested against his belly and gasped as he was as deep as he could possibly go. His harsh intake was noted that he enjoyed the depth of the penetration as well.

"You like that?" she purred unevenly as she pushed back against the tub with her feet once more, gliding him out of her slowly as she possibly could go to let him feel every inch of his dick sliding from inside her before she sunk back down on him harder.

He gasped as she took him all the way inside her again, squeezing him, and he nearly gave up the position and letting her fuck him because it was torturous. She moved on him impossibly slow but hard. "Joss," he groaned as he kept a sure hand under her so she didn't have to use too much strength to remain up out of the water.

"Do you?" she demanded as she hissed in pleasure as it felt amazing controlling the depth of his entry, the pace, and could draw it out as much as she wanted.

"Yes," he moaned.

Joss groaned as she quickened up her pace because, to be honest, she didn't know how long her arms could keep her up like this as they quivered from the pressure to keep her up. Plus John didn't help matters as he got closer and was sucking at her nipples that were thrust out and she could see them in the mirror now that his head was bent. She got an eyeful of his nice tight ass and she pushed off against the tub as she worked herself on his long and thick cock, feeling him stretch her, and moaned as pressure began to build in her. Joss couldn't tear her gaze off the mirror as she ogled his ass and those butt cheeks of his as she felt his tongue wash over her nipples teasingly his hips barely flexing forward to help her ride him.

"Like that, Joss," he moaned finally lifting his mouth off her breasts. Her ears began buzzing as her body hummed with need. She could feel her butt skim the top of the water and the bubbles tickling her. Her biceps were straining from the exertion but it went heedless as she was thrusting herself harder onto John, trying to reach out and grab the orgasm that was so close.

She felt him shift but with her attention elsewhere peering over his shoulder to keep eyes on his ass and all thoughts on the orgasm she didn't pay him much attention as she moved on him quicker. "John," she moaned loudly, feeling his fingers rub her clitoris.

John reached around her to hug her to his body just as she climaxed worried she would lose her grip on the tub and fall and get hurt, her hands gripped his shoulder blades tightly as she shouted his name in ecstasy, coming in endless waves and he thrust into her to reach his own climax, silencing her cries of his name with his mouth. He shoved deep once more and held himself still as he followed her in climatic bliss.

She broke the kiss to sigh his name as her body quaked from the force of her orgasm. "Now that is a god damn bath," she muttered shakily with a laugh.

John pressed warm kisses to her sternum as they both came back down to Earth as he rested her butt on the side of the tub once more. He kept his firm hold on her as he shifted to sit back as he once had, before leaning back in the cooler water and she smiled as she looped her arms around his neck as she remained on top of him, with him still buried deep inside her as he lounged against the back of the tub.

"Was it everything you wanted?" he asked.

She smiled as she played with the soft hair at his nape, staring deeply into his blue satisfied eyes. "Yes," she whispered as she dropped a kiss to his lips. "It was everything and then some." He smiled and stole another kiss. She leaned back as she looked at the side of the tub. "Thank god I work out or I wouldn't be able to keep up with you. And just for an FYI, John, I am so down for this kind of workout again. Maybe we can do it four times a week because it sure beats the damn chair lifts and bicep curls I do to work out my triceps and biceps," she said as she flexed for him and he laughed as he reached up and touched her muscular biceps there.

"What muscles?" he joked as he squeezed lightly.

"What muscles?—what muscles!" she said incredulous as she flexed harder. "What did your orgasm do? Cause you to temporarily lose feeling in your body or something?—you're welcome if it did," she said with a small grin. John sure knew how to keep things interesting. She would never have thought of having sex in the tub like that. It had been creative, if not athletic, fun, and allowed her the chance to control the lovemaking that she kind of wished she thought of it. Maybe she should go buy the Kama Sutra or get back to buying Cosmo, since it seemed John was game for different positions. And that one had been delicious.

He snorted with laughter. Joss grinned proud that she was making him laugh more and more. She told him she was going to teach him to be happy. And so far this weekend she already had gotten more smiles and more laughter out of him then in a long time. She wiggled a bit and he let her go and she reluctantly allowed him to slide free of her. But she was in the process of proving a point and the water was growing cold so they were going to have to get out at some point.

"Flex," she demanded.

"Excuse me?" he murmured as he drew in deep calming breaths to relax himself after that, though to be fair he didn't have as much of a workout not as she did.

"Come on Mr. Muscle Man, flex for me, and let me see what you got. Pick on my muscles, let me see yours," she said, poking his nice flat muscular belly. She wiggled her fingers near his naval, feeling the muscles underneath bunch, and she wanted to suck on his naval. And that cute little scar she found on his hip. It was small and it indented just a bit and she wanted to know where he got it. Yep, she was sucking that one good and hard. She hadn't seen it before until he climbed into the tub but then again it was tiny and half the time he was distracting her with his mouth as he was getting undressed.

John smirked and flexed for her and she reached out and touched his bicep. Mmm…it was nice and hard, and muscular. Damn him. "Okay, fine, you win, you have nice biceps," she said. John had some nice arms and thighs, and stomach, ooh can't forget that butt…she shivered slightly thinking about his ass as she made love to him. Making love in front of a mirror was damn hot! Would John think she was too kinky placing a mirror on her ceiling and force him to make love to her missionary style just to see his ass move as he made love to her? He might have a thing about her ass but she seemed to have one about his too. She groaned inwardly.

He tapped her nose with his index finger. "You're perfect as you are, Joss," he said and she smiled as she caught his finger between her teeth and nipped him before reluctantly getting to her feet. She watched as his nostrils flared as his eyes lodged between her legs. He stood up and she looked down as the water and bubbles dripped down and saw someone stirring to life again.

She looked up into his eyes as she reached out cupping him. "Seems someone wants another go around," she teased as she played with him. But she stopped as she reached down and unplugged the drain and the water made a gurgling sound as it tried to speed down the drain. Once the water and most of the bubbles was gone, John stepped out of the bath and helped her out. They toweled off the water and last of the bubbles clinging to them. Joss grabbed a robe supplied from the hotel while John merely tugged his underwear back on. He picked up his clothes and carried them out of the bathroom. She watched him as he laid them out on the chair near the balcony.

"Jorge would cry if he knew I left suit pants and one of the many expensive dress shirts I have on the floor."

Joss nodded and smiled as she laid down on her back on the bed, throwing her arms above her head. She felt the bed dip down as John laid beside her and peered down at her, his palm gently rubbing her thigh. "Tell me something, John."

"Tell you what?"

"Lay down," she murmured and he eyed her suspiciously but did as she asked, resting on his back. She reached down and pushed the elastic of his boxer-briefs down just a bit and touched the scar that was slowly driving her insane with need to know how he got it. "Where did you get this scar from? This one isn't like any of the other ones."

He shrugged. "Chicken Pox,"

She blinked as she looked up at him in surprise. "This is a scar from itching Chicken Pox too much?" she said questioningly.

"Yea, I was a kid once too you know."

She smiled. "You little rebel, not listening to your momma about not itching."

He chuckled. "It itched like hell. All the other ones I could ignore but that one on my hip. I didn't have any else there and it rubbed whenever I had my underwear on. So I'd itch and itch, my mother warned me, but I couldn't help it," he said with a shrug.

"What else did little rebel John do that he wasn't supposed too?"

He ducked his head. "You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do, tell me please!" she rolled onto her side as she snuggled into him. "I want to hear about baby John," she said with a smile and he groaned.

"You don't…"

"I do, I'll go first: once when I was seven I stole a Twinkie," she said.

John eyed her and laughter sparkled in his eyes. "You stole a Twinkie."

"Yes, got away with it too, until my conscience got the better of me and I tried to give the half-eaten Twinkie back to the store." she said as she thought back to it.

"I can't believe I'm sleeping with the Twinkie Bandit," John teased.

Joss laughed basking in his playfulness. She stared into his eyes and longed to tell him what was deep in her heart but was afraid to make the wrong move. "Your turn," she said pinching his side.

He smiled. "I was about six. My dad was getting ready to go back to base when I got a good idea of how to make him stay with me."

"How?"

He smirked. "I flushed his car key down the toilet."

She laughed but was a little sad too. John had been starved for his dad. "Did it work?" she asked.

"Not really, I didn't realize they had a spare key," he said softly.

"Tell me another," she asked softly, feeling like she had him in a good mood to give her some more of his past.

"I was eight and my dad was home and he was trying to teach me how to drive. Well, I sort of put the Oldsmobile in the side of our neighbor's house." he said with a sheepish look. "Dad said hit the gas but he didn't say how hard, so I jammed both my feet on the gas pedal."

She put a hand over her mouth. "Oh boy…"

"My mom and dad had to pay for the damages to the house," he said with a soft laugh at the memory.

She eyed him. "Were your parents mad?"

"My dad was but my mom was mad more at my dad for even taking me out in the car," he admitted. "My dad got more of a lecture than I did."

She smiled. "Did you and your dad spend a lot of time together when he was home?" she asked softly, gently rubbing a hand through his hair.

He nodded. "Yea, we would play catch for hours. He loved football and baseball," he said and she laid her head on his chest, hugging him. "We played for about an hour before he went to work at the refinery the day he died. I knew something bad happened when my mom collapsed to the floor and was sobbing with the phone beside her. I never saw her so distraught before," he whispered and Joss hugged him tighter but remained silent afraid to say anything because she wanted to hear more. "So I got down on the floor with her and held her as she cried."

Joss felt tears prick at the backs of her eyes at the thought of John's mother sobbing and a young John holding his mother trying to comfort her as they laid on a floor. It sounded like John's mother loved his father so very much. Sounded like how her momma loved her papa. And Joss knew if anything ever happened to John, she'd be just as devastated as both his mother and hers had been.

He grew quiet as they just held each other deep in thought.

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AN: *pouts* Kinda sad the bubble bath excursion is over. Next chapter might or might not have something Careesers will be happy about as their weekend getaway draws to a close but you have to suffer through more smut first. Poor you guys! :D

Thanks for reading!


	45. Chapter 45

_**AN: Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday. I am sorry I haven't posted anything recently but my cousins moved up from Florida and are living with me until they move into their home this coming weekend. So my time isn't my own and I appreciate you guys bearing with me as I help them. My updates should get more normal (or as normal as I get LOL) sooner rather than later. Again I'm sorry and appreciate your patience! Okay onto the chapter there is more smut but I mean Joss was promised handcuffs and she's been such a patient woman ;D  
**_

* * *

For much of the day they had laid together in bed talking, made love again, ordered lunch which was enjoyed in bed, then made love some more. They lounged in bed watching television until their stomachs rumbled with need for food.

They were sitting outside in the cool fall evening's air out on the balcony. John was seated on the chair and she had slid onto his lap for extra warmth. The sun had already set as they ate. John had tugged his pants back on and the undershirt while she wore his dress shirt that dwarfed her and while it was a bit chilly she didn't mind since she had his suit blazer draped on her legs to keep warm.

"It's so serene and peaceful eating outside during the sun set," she murmured as she sipped some champagne before offering the glass to him which he readily set his fork down to take. After he was done she took it and set it on the table beside her.

"It is," he agreed as went to finish his dinner. He had ordered spaghetti which made her smile at the reason, because he hadn't had it in years. She had ordered just a full Caesar Salad with Grilled chicken. Joss set her empty bowl down and burrowed into him for warmth. "You're cold," he murmured.

"I am but you need to finish your spaghetti."

He shook his head as he patted her butt. "Get up, you're cold and I'm done," he ordered softly.

Joss reluctantly did so because he was right, she was cold. She grabbed his blazer as she got up and he stood up collecting her plate, while she carried their shared champagne glass back into the penthouse suite. John closed the balcony door with his foot and she let the blazer fall while she watched John take their plates to the cart and put aside the bucket of champagne they weren't through with.

While he was busy, she set the champagne glass down and hurried to grab her cuffs nestled in the pocket of her slacks in the bathroom. She rushed back out, discreetly making sure his attention was elsewhere, and saw he was just locking the door up tight to the suite after rolling the cart out. She settled them on the nightstand beside the champagne glass and climbed onto the bed.

Joss laid down on her side as she patted the bed beside her as he turned around. "Come here," she purred.

John smiled as he approached the bed, removing his shirt but left his pants on. She almost licked her lips as her eyes landed on his naval before he laid on his side but faced her. She leaned forward and kissed him which he responded to like she knew he would and she let her tongue play with his before she pushed him onto his back, sliding on top of him. Joss broke the kiss to press tender kisses to his chest, neck, and jaw before kissing him firmly again. She grabbed his hands that settled on her hips tugging them above his head and broke the kiss as he stiffened for a brief second before relaxing. She sat on him, staring down in his eyes as she pinned his hands above his head.

"I want to cuff you to the bed now John," she said seriously.

He smiled as he lifted his hips a little and she moaned, she was naked aside from his dress shirt. "What are the charges?" he requested playfully.

She grinned at his attempt to lighten her up and perhaps himself too. "Assaulting a police officer,"

He scoffed. "Nice try, detective, you wanted that assault," he said.

She giggled before the humor and her smile faded away as she reached over to grab her cuffs. She was grateful he was trying to let her know he was okay with it. But she couldn't forget his reaction that night to her innocent comment, couldn't forget the sound of him getting sick in her bathroom, and leaving shortly thereafter. Even though he was slowly healing from his past she didn't want that memory to stick in the back of his mind when this was supposed to be an enjoyable evening. Joss settled one cuff around his right wrist and then the headboard leaving his left hand free. He blinked in surprise.

"You went through things I can't even imagine John," she murmured, perching herself on top of him. "To be honest, I don't even want to try," she continued as she stared down into his luminous eyes. "So I'm improvising a little. I still get you cuffed to the bed while you won't feel trapped," Joss said before putting fingers over his lips as he went to say something. "John, you promised I got my turn and this is how I want it. Because we are going to see how well you listen since you are not allowed to touch me with your free hand and you have to do as I say with it, when I say," she purred and his eyes darkened in desire.

He gently shook her hand free of his mouth. "Joss…."

She silenced him with a kiss before climbing off of him. She stared at him as he laid in the bed one arm above his head, cuffed to the headboard while the other laid beside him. John looked delicious laying in nothing but his pants that were tenting upwards. Someone was definitely interested in seeing what she had in store for him.

Joss undid his fly and tugged his pants down leaving him in his black boxer-briefs. He looked amazing like this. His blue eyes watchful, erection pushing his underwear up, and legs spread a little to accommodate her. She rubbed his strong thighs enjoying the hard muscles underneath the skin.

"Did I tell ever tell you that you have some nice strong thighs, John?"

"No…."

"Well you do," she said as she leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to his left thigh before sitting back up. "Lick your index and middle fingers," she commanded as she straddled him once more. He grunted a little as she sat happily on his hardness. She rubbed against him sending delicious spikes of heat down her belly and straight into her groin.

She smiled as he slowly did as she asked and she moaned watching him do it. "Suck on them," she added, feeling herself get wetter as he did as she asked. She undid the shirt she was wearing and flung it off the bed. His eyes slid down to her breasts. She grabbed his wrist and tugged his hand from his mouth and placed his hand on her breast. She let him toy with her nipple as he strummed it with his wet fingers, playing with the puckered and hard peak. It wasn't nearly as good as his mouth on them but it would have to do right now.

Joss grinned as she dragged his wet fingers off her breast, down the valley between her breasts, past her stomach, and pressed them firmly to the coarse short curls between her legs. John squirmed a little under her as she held his fingers tightly just above where she needed him most, not allowing them to move, to not only tease him but herself because John had a truly sensual touch.

"Can't touch me yet, John, but I can say with certainty that I'm soaking wet for you," she murmured and he groaned as he lifted his hips in response, pressing himself against her harder. She moaned because it felt amazing, feeling him rub up against her even with the barrier of cotton. She drew his fingers away putting his hand on the mattress. "Keep it there," she murmured as she rested her hands on his chest. She smiled down into his eyes that blazed with lust. "Watch me," she whispered as she slid a hand between her legs and rubbed herself, moaning hotly as his eyes dropped between her legs. God, she needed to just take the edge off because she didn't think she could last much longer without relief from the pressure that built inside her already. It was damn fun teasing John, nearly as much as their bath sex excursion.

John tugged on his cuffed hand and tried to ignore the growing urge to thrust his hips up, needing more than this. She sat on him completely naked and he was unable to touch her. He gripped the sheet beneath him in a firm fist to try to do as she asked to keep it on the mattress as he watched her with unbridled need.

"Joss, grind into me," he begged as she sat on him, pleasuring herself. It would be hell on him but the friction would feel amazing against her clit. He gripped the sheet tighter as his free hand lifted to help her get there, barely remembering her command to keep it on the mattress as she rotated her hips and let out a soft 'oh' and he grunted as she ground into his erection.

She hissed in pleasure as his hardness pressed just right as she ground on him harder. He closed his eyes as it was pure hell as he felt her wetness seep through his underwear. She wasn't kidding, she was soaking wet. He lifted his legs, digging his feet into the mattress to make it a seat for her as she leaned her back against his thighs, hands lifting to her breasts as her hips moved quicker as she ground into him harder and faster.

"Let me help," he begged as he eyed her sex that glistened under the soft lamp lightning. He wanted to suck on her so badly he'd take rubbing her with his fingers at this point. He just wanted to touch that pretty little clit.

"N-oh," she panted as she was so close to the orgasm that was building. The hard thing toying with her sex was her only focus at the moment. "Oh god, John, right there," she gasped as she came, rubbing herself against his confined dick over and over again. After several moments she relaxed and she dropped her hands from her hard nipples and breathed heavy. She felt his cock throbbing madly beneath her shuddering body. She climbed off of him and smiled as he held the sheet so tightly in his hand that she thought he was going to tear it to shreds.

John slowly lowered his legs trying to relieve the intense pressure in his cock. It wouldn't take much for him to come. And she knew it, that was why she wasn't touching him in any way. "I needed that orgasm," she said conversationally as she grabbed the champagne glass. Her body was still shuddering from the climatic high. It didn't douse the fire but it made it bearable until she was ready to get the real show on the road. "I needed the relief. Teasing you is erotic," she said before she sipped some champagne.

"Watching you do what you just did…" he murmured as he trembled.

"I bet if I touched you once, you'd come."

"You wouldn't be wrong," he muttered as he swallowed hard.

Joss smiled. "Well, good thing I have no plans on touching until you're not quite so close to coming."

"Joss, please…"

She grinned wickedly. "What?—you teased me several times, this is my turn. I'm gonna bring you to the edge again and again, but, you'll orgasm only when I say," she vowed. He groaned at her words but he wasn't so close to losing it in his underwear anymore, thankfully.

She sipped more champagne as she relaxed from her own orgasm. This was going to be damn well amazing, having him where she wanted him and got to please and pleasure him.

Joss was hyperaware of how his body started to relax on the bed, his free hand that was fisted in the sheet opened and he rubbed his face. John was still strung tighter than a bowstring but he didn't look like on the verge of losing it anymore. Perfect. I was high time to draw him to the edge all over again.

"Would you like some champagne, John?" she asked after a couple minutes more of watching him.

"Not really."

"Want something else, huh." she teased and her eyes rested on the large bulge in his underwear that was clearly screaming to be freed. "So do I," she added, hastily putting the champagne glass down and climbed back on the bed and patted him through his underwear. "I want this guy," she murmured.

Joss grabbed the elastic band and tugged down and he helped her just a little with a lift of his hips and she tugged his underwear all the way down his long lean legs.

She grinned as he came into her view. "Well, hello to you too," Joss said with a smile as her eyes caressed the straining and rock hard cock.

John groaned as he shook his head. "Joss, stop staring at my dick like that and not do something," he complained gruffly.

She looked up. "You're cute, all snarly like a bear when you're frustrated," she said but didn't touch him. "Roll onto your side," she requested. He blinked at the order, it wasn't what he was expecting. He went to roll over. "Other side," she commanded.

John hesitantly did so and used his arm that was cuffed to the bed as his pillow. He felt a soft kiss to his hip. Felt her tongue lavish attention to the scar he had from Chicken Pox. "What are you doing?" he wondered as he squirmed at the touch. No one ever kissed him here.

"I never get to kiss this spot. And now knowing this is here I need to," she answered in between soft teasing kisses to his strong hip.

She settled the tip of her tongue in the indentation before pulling back ever so slightly to suck on it. She rubbed her hand up from his butt up his spine tracing it, enjoying the slight tremble he did from her loving attention. Joss was sure he didn't have many actually take their time to explore and love his body. For one, he never let anyone, and for two: the last woman he slept with before her had been sheer poison.

Joss sat back and smiled. "You can roll onto your back again, John," she said and John slowly listened to her order and immediately she wrapped a hand around his hard cock and rubbed her thumb across the slit. John shuddered. "Hope you're ready because I'm done waiting," she said as she slid down his body and kissed his tip first before gently licking him from the head to the base. She loved the controlled moan John let out and the sound of her cuff being tugged on the wood. She slid one hand to tease his balls, earning another moan while the other kneaded his thigh as she playfully licked him trying to make sure he wasn't close to the edge anymore. "How are you doing, not in danger of coming, are you?" she asked softly after a moment.

"No…." he admitted.

She smiled as she leaned back to look up at him. "Is that so?" she said and promptly inserted him into her mouth and sucked just the large head. John moaned loudly and she smiled as she descended down taking him deeply into her mouth as possible before slowly gliding back up letting her tongue trail across the underside of his cock, pressing her lips tightly to the ridge just at the head of his penis, earning a soft groan. Joss tickled his balls and she lifted her head and glared at him. "Hand, John," she stated annoyed. His free hand had slid into her hair.

John begrudgingly removed his hand from her hair and lowered it back to the bed. He truly wished she had handcuffed him fully to the bed.

Joss grinned as her attention went back to what she had been doing; driving John insane with need, drawing him as close to the edge as she could and leave him there, and then do it again. And then the real fun could begin. She rubbed her cheek against his very erect and warm cock.

"This night is going to blow your mind, John," she asserted.

He let out a long sigh as she inserted him back into her mouth but just his tip and began spelling out her name on it. He shuddered trying to ignore the urge to thrust his hips up as she spelled her full name and by the time she got to the L, Y, and N he was trembling with need for more. John bit back a loud moan as her tongue swirled in a familiar shape of a heart across the head of cock.

She lifted off of him and he wanted to growl in frustration. "Just so you know this bad boy is mine now." she said possessively as she stroked him lightly and loosely, her thumb rubbing the slit in the softest caress. "I just wrote my name on it. Told you, I don't share," she snickered knowing her touch and the stroke of her tongue wasn't enough to get him off.

"Joss," he tried to formulate a coherent thought but it was difficult at the moment. Not when all blood was south and all his body wanted was that orgasm her pretty mouth guaranteed him.

She smirked up at him. "Oh you're so right John, I left off my last name, better rectify that since I can't have some random Jocelyn coming trying to take my place," she teased purposely mistaking him as she settled back on him and began spelling out Carter slowly, leaving him panting.

Joss sat back and let him go. John leaned his head back on the pillow as he concentrated on breathing. His cock throbbed in need and she was sitting there staring at it. "Are you trying to kill me, Joss?" he wondered thickly as he looked down to where she sat. She was rubbing his thighs but careful not to touch him where he craved to be touched. He could almost feel her eyes caress his cock, before she lifted them and looked at him.

"Who me?" she teased. "Never, but you teased me a lot so I figured I was owed this," she said as she steadily gazed into his eyes seeing them dark with desire and need. "Give me your hand, John." she ordered.

He slowly lifted his free hand and she sat up on her knees taking it into her hands delicately, before kissing up his middle finger and inserted it into her mouth.

Yep, Joss was trying to kill him. His cock twitched in response as he watched her suck on his finger, her tongue licking across it and he squirmed as she sucked harder and harder as she pulled his finger back and forth in her mouth.

She pulled his finger free of her mouth before kissing it again. She turned her attention to his ring finger and inserted it into her mouth. She sucked and licked it as much as she did his middle finger. She used her other hand and wrapped it around his throbbing dick. She released his finger to smile at him.

"Watching me suck your fingers is exciting you further isn't it, John?" she asked and his hips lifted and she smiled when he moaned in frustration. She made sure she kept a very loose grip. She tightened her grip on him earning a grunt. "I asked you a question, John."

"Yes," he whispered thickly.

"Then you're going to love this, because I'm giving you a chance to touch me," she teased as she shimmied forward and rose up, kneeling before him as she tugged his hand down between her legs and pushed his middle finger against her clit and this time it was her turn to moan.

She leaned her head back as she held his hand there, at the wrist, and he stroked her again and again. She was so slick with need causing him to lick his lips as he tugged on his cuffed hand wishing to get up, push her on her back, and pleasure her. Her hips followed his movement.

"Joss, come here." he begged as his voice was husky with need. Her eyes opened. "Please, I want to taste you." he requested as he rubbed her rhythmically.

Her sex burned in need as his talented hand was drawing her close to the edge in seconds. She was incredibly wet from teasing and playing with John, something that was incredibly fun and sexy at the same time. Now she knew why John enjoyed teasing and playing with her. It excited you knowing your partner was being turned inside out with need. And it would be so easy to let herself be coaxed into letting him pleasure her with his wicked mouth.

Joss slowly removed his hand from between her legs and decided to try something to see the kind of response she got: she sucked on his fingers. It was a different experience tasting herself and one she wasn't sure she'd do again. "Now Joss! Get up here now!" he growled tugging his hand from her mouth, reaching to grab her elbow pulling her towards him. Joss almost told him to let go of her, that she wasn't through teasing him, but remained silent as she eyed the way he tugged on his cuffed hand watching the beauty of his muscles straining. She smiled as she smacked her lips. Okay, she changed her mind and would most definitely do this again because it seemed to drive John wild, watching her suck on his fingers that had been buried in her pussy.

She smiled as she crawled up his body. "I guess I know how to tease you in the future." she purred as she spread her legs, settled herself near his face, ankles under his shoulders and grabbed his hair softly. He sighed as he inhaled her scent. She moaned as she shifted her hips, she felt his warm breath wash over her. She kept one hand in his hair while the other grabbed his hand in the cuff, moaning as his tip of his tongue touched her.

She tugged his head up, her hips lowered onto his mouth further as his lips and tongue were amazing. "Yes," She rocked her hips forward riding his face, thrusting herself harder onto his tongue. "Harder, John," She moaned. He sucked on her clit, working her towards her orgasm, and she moaned as she rolled her hips. He rested his free hand on her ass and played with her. Joss rocked her hips forward as she came with a shout as his mouth sucked on her. After he wrung every last single whimper he could he gave her a sweet little kiss and she slowly climbed off of him.

Joss immediately straddled him knowing it wasn't going to take much for him to climax and teasing him no longer held any appeal. She wanted him to come and she wanted it now. She rose and positioned him and sank down on him on one downward thrust drawing him deep inside her. She hissed in happiness as she took him all in and he stretched her wide. He made an abrupt noise in the back of his throat as his free hand went to her hip feeling one step from coming as he was sheathed inside her completely. The little game she played had him so close to the edge that he was afraid any little movement she made, he would lose it before he got her there again.

"Don't move yet," he managed to get out as he struggled to creep away from the edge.

She smirked. "That close?" she asked gently. When he nodded with his jaw clenched, feeling the way his cock rested rigidly inside her unwilling to move, she knew he was that close. Well time to push him over the edge.

Joss smiled as she moved on him not heeding his wish, always amazed at just how perfectly they fit together. No one felt this damn good inside her. She clenched her vaginal walls around him on each upward pull before drawing him deep inside her on each downward thrust. His moans were soft and he tried to control the speed of the thrusts with one hand but she wouldn't let him. She grabbed his hand at her hip and pinned it above his head as she leaned forward.

"Come for me, John," she demanded as she settled her other hand beside his head and rotated her hips quicker, finding a rhythm that was hard and fast. "I want it, I want you too," she said more forcefully as she moved her hips faster drawing him inside her harder.

His labored breaths mixed with moans. "Slow down," he commanded but she didn't slow down, instead sped up and he felt the keen sense of pleasure spiraling tighter in his loins, trying to fight it to get her there, but it burst inside him as he couldn't ignore the way her sex clutched his as he came. Her name was a soft call and he heard her sigh in happiness as she clenched around him tightly taking all of his essence, milking his orgasm until finally it was over and he seeped onto the mattress relaxed and boneless panting in some much needed air.

She pressed a warm kiss to his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck and she leaned back just a little to nuzzle his nose with hers. John shook and trembled in her arms as he was breathing raggedly against her neck, holding him as he came down from his high.

He leaned back. "You didn't…"

She rolled her eyes. "Yea, I did, I just didn't reach my peak again like you enjoy making me come again and again," she stated with a soft kiss to his cheek. "It's not like this is the last time we're making love tonight, so I'll be getting another one," she said with a smile as she trailed her fingernail down his cheek to trace his lips. He shook his head to free his lips of her finger to kiss her gently. He rubbed his hand across her lower back as they were still joined intimately. "Mmm…I guess you want to be let out of these cuffs, huh?" she murmured as she sat back breaking the kiss.

"Sort of, my arm fell asleep a while ago," he admitted. She smiled as she sat up on him and sighed in sadness as she slid him free of inside her. She grabbed her key and unlocked the cuff and his arm fell down. She chuckled as she grabbed it, kissing it before pulling it around her as she curled up into his side.

She nibbled on his fingertips. "Do you feel that?"

"No," he muttered and she chuckled.

"I'll try that again when you have feeling back in your hand." she said as she laid into his chest. "So did you enjoy it, because I sure did?" she asked, suddenly feeling an annoying sense of anxiety. She wanted to make it amazing for him, like he had made it amazing for her when she was cuffed.

He looked at her as he slowly regulated his breathing, seeing fear that he hadn't enjoyed himself sparkling in her eyes. "It was better than anything I ever imagined," he said softly as he lifted his other hand up to brush some of her hair back.

She smiled as he satisfied her fears. He yawned and she curled up into his side. "Go to sleep, John, you need some rest after that." she said sounding vaguely smug. But he did as she suggested as he fell asleep in her arms.

* * *

Joss leaned her head back, hands gripping the headboard behind John's head tightly as she cried out his name. She rested in his lap, his hands were on her hips, urging her to move on him at a fast pace. She lost count on the number of times they made love. At times it was tender and unhurried and other times it was like now hard and fast. She didn't want this weekend to end because it was amazing and perfect as there was no outside world to interfere. Just them cocooned in the room together, sharing absolute bliss and their lives together. Joss learned more and more about his past these last two days than she had in a while.

"No puedo respirar sin ti," he moaned and Joss gasped as yet again he slipped into Spanish, she leaned her head forward to stare into his eyes. Damn it she wished she paid more attention to Spanish class in high-school. She held the headboard as she moved on him, his hands grasped her hips tightly as he thrust into her harder. Joss stared into his eyes, moaning, not just because her orgasm was storming her center but from the look in his eyes.

"Oh god," she flung her head back as she came and she heard his guttural call as he followed nearly immediately after her.

Once the orgasmic high ebbed away she slumped on top of him still holding the headboard tightly behind his head, using it as an anchor while resting her forehead against his.

They remained still, quietly basking in the afterglow for a long while. Their breathing evened out as their bodies cooled and she contemplated if she should let whatever he said go or not. Any other time she would have let it go but the look in his eyes just before they came nearly simultaneously seared her mind. She couldn't leave it alone, not this time.

Joss nuzzled his nose, kissing him gently before leaning back but not releasing him from inside her, loving the intimacy, and stared down at him. "You're good, John," she whispered, trailing her fingertips across his stubble roughened cheeks.

"You're amazing," he sighed, innocently mistaking what she meant.

Joss smiled before she shook her head. "Sex, you're amazing at, John, but I'm not talking about sex. I meant you're good at hiding," she said as her body shook and jumped as she was still feeling the aftershocks of their lovemaking. But she had his undivided attention as he looked confused.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"Yes you do. I think you know more than you are willing to admit to me and possibly even to yourself," she murmured as she felt her body relaxing, but his puzzlement over what she was talking about remained, so she decided to help him out a little. "About five minutes ago you whispered something in a different language. You consciously said it in Spanish, knowing I wouldn't know what you said. So tell me, what did you say, say it in English,"she asked gently. Joss was sure she could go repeat it to Shaw but she wanted to hear it from him not from Shaw.

"It was nothing."

She cocked a brow. "John, if you want me to buy into that, you need to say it more convincingly, because if it was nothing as you claim then why not tell me what you said," she wondered, not dropping it. And predictably John lifted her and slid from bed to grab his underwear.

"I need some air," he murmured while she watched him draw his underwear up before reaching for his discarded pants.

She sat on the bed to watch him. "Yea, why stay in here and answer questions when it's easier to hide out on the balcony," she said casually. "But I'm not in the mood to let you hide this time, John, so you go out there this conversation follows too."

John turned to look at her hard. "And what does that mean?" he asked with his hands on his lean hips, his stance told her to back off, but there was something else swimming in his eyes. He wanted to acknowledge what was between them but he was so damn scared too. While it was hardwired inside John to hide from what he felt because it was easier than dealing with pain, she wasn't letting him do it this time. Too much rode on this: their mutual happiness.

She shrugged. "I'm just calling it like I see it, John. You're fearless in the face of danger but when it comes to facing your feelings…you hide from them," she said, seeing him flinch.

He looked away. "I'm not hiding."

She slid from the bed to tug his shirt on, redoing the buttons before flicking her hair out from under the collar. "Yea, you are John. You're hiding from the fact that what we are doing, have been doing, is _not_ just sex. Why else do you think you were so upset about Cal's interest in me?—I know you had just sexual relationships in the past, you acknowledged to having one with Kara. So tell me, did you ever become jealous of any man that showed her any interest?" she asked.

"No," he answered honestly.

"Did you ever share anything personal like you had with me with Kara?" And Jessica, she wanted to tack on but knew now wasn't the time. But eventually she wanted to know if John ever told Jessica anything about his past.

"No…."

"We were never just something casual which is why you tried to categorize us as that because it was easier for you to handle. But not everything fits into a neat little compartment," Joss said softly to take the sting out of her words because he flinched enough. "Yea, I know how you operate, John. I met other agents on the other side, understood their mannerisms to deal with the daily grind. Compartmentalizing everything helped you deal with the death and despair. It's not helping you with your feelings for me. You can bury them all you want, but they're there, scratching and clawing their way to the surface."

"This is all I'm good at: sex, I'm not meant for anything beyond physical relationships."

"Your wrong," she countered.

"I'm right," he snapped in impatience. "You can't change me, Joss. This is who and what I am: just a good roll in the hay."

Joss frowned. "I don't want to change a single thing about you, John. I like the man that's standing in front of me right now even if you don't like yourself. You really believe you're not capable of anything beyond sex?-because I know you are capable of more than that, so much more. You have proved it this entire time with me because what we have been doing isn't just sex…we're dating," she said as she sauntered up to him and slid her arms around his neck. "Go on take your time and think it through, realize I'm telling you the truth. I'm sure you haven't dated in a while so recognizing it was hard."

He stared into her eyes, feeling torn. Half of him wanted to believe Zoe's words that he wasn't capable of anything but sex, while the other part that wanted to move on needed to believe Joss.

"All this time you let me believe you were okay with a casual relationship, when you really wanted more?" he demanded gruffly.

She chuckled. "All this time you thought we were in a casual relationship when _you_ really wanted more,"she retorted. Joss tightened her arms as he took a step back as if she slugged him in the gut. John was healed enough to handle the reality of their relationship, his head needed time to catch up with his heart, that was all.

But she knew for damn sure that he was not ready for the three little words. No, he needed to learn to forgive himself, to be open to the possibility of anyone ever loving him. Once she could help him do that, finish teaching him how to be happy, and help him learn how to grieve the right way then she could tell him that she loved him.

Joss searched his face looking for any signs of the earlier panic which seemed to be receding as he stood in her arms thinking. So she decided to go in for the kill-shot. "John, it's why Joan figured us out in two seconds, same with Shaw. No one believed that we were just sex: not me and certainly not you."

He looked at her sharply. "I don't want to hurt you. That's what I'm good at Joss: hurting people. And when this ends, because it will end, Joss, all my relationships do, I will end up hurting you."

"Don't challenge me like that, John," she murmured.

"This is not some game," he said softly.

"You're right, it's not," she agreed. "I don't play games with the feelings of the people I care about. I meant you were challenging me with your statement about our relationship is going to end because all your others before me have," she said, trying to push him as far as she could, squeeze out as much of what was holding him back as she could, and then destroy those fears and insecurities through some much needed tender loving care. John just needed patience, compassion, and heaping piles of loving placed upon him to move forward.

"It's the truth, Joss, they all ended."

"Because you shut them out," she whispered. "But why not let me try to write a different narrative for us. We're good together John. I'm good for you and you're good for me."

He shook his head. "I doubt that."

"I never say something I don't mean, just like you don't. So whatever you said in Spanish you meant, whether it slipped out subconsciously or not. And I mean it, you're good for me. I spent so many years alone, trusting no one to have my back, because no one ever did. But I trust you with my life, John, I trust to know you'd be there for me no matter what," she said honestly and he stared down at her as he slowly lifted his hands to her hips. "Now are you ready to tell me what you said in Spanish or do I have to call Shaw and have her translate it for me?" she asked, having a feeling the moment he translated it, he would realize the truth without her needing to further push him along.

John swallowed hard. "I said I can't breathe without you,"he said as he looked away, it was the final nail in the 'we are just having sex' coffin. And she showed no outwardly sign of absolute bliss as her innards did the Mambo. "I'm going to hurt you and I'd rather die than hurt you," he whispered in despair.

Joss shook her head and reached up, pulling his cheeks to force him to look at her. He truly believed he was going to hurt her. "The only way you'll ever hurt me is by shutting me out. I can handle the weight of your demons, John, they don't scare me. You've just got to trust me," she said before rising up on her tip toes and kissed him.

She sighed as she felt swallowed up in him as his arms wrapped around her tightly as he kissed her back. She could feel the swirling emotions in him as his kiss wasn't gentle or soft, he was hard and taking. Joss let him because she wanted him to take, to feel, and she wanted the way his tongue pushed past her lips to slide across hers. This weekend had been nothing short of amazing.

She pulled her mouth free as she began stepping back tugging him with her to the bed. "I need you inside me, John," she whispered as she removed his shirt. It was strange but the need to have him filling her, loving her, burned brightly.

Their hands both reached down to undo his pants before they and his underwear were pushed back off and discarded on the floor. They were kissing deeply, touching tenderly, unhurriedly sliding onto the bed. He slowly entered her and her breath hitched as he filled her deeply on one long thrust.

John paused as he held himself deep inside her and they stared into each other's eyes and this time felt extremely different. After acknowledging their deeper connection and that what they were doing wasn't just sex, it felt like a weight was lifted in him. Like he hadn't realized how much work it was trying to hide from how he felt about Joss and as he stared down at her, seeing her true feelings, he realized it had been a lot of work for her too.

John moved inside her slowly as she stared into his eyes, unable to relinquish that intimacy. The sex was slow, unhurried, and tender. He shuddered as his eyes closed as the pleasure began to tighten in his loins.

They moved together in rhythm, slowly but steadily. He languidly thrust into her over and over again, feeling how close she was, feeling how close he was, and he continued the slow pace. He felt the claws of his climax gripping him nearly as perfect as she was. John leaned his head back to moan her name softly as he came, feeling Joss follow seconds behind him. After several moments he slumped on top of her and she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

"No puedo respirar sin ti," she whispered breathlessly in his ear and he shuddered in her arms, barely lifting his head from her chest to peer into her eyes. "Did I get close to pronouncing it or did I butcher it?" she asked raggedly after a moment.

He stared deeply into her eyes. "You said it just fine."

* * *

AN: Ta-da real forward movement between them :) And if you are getting the feeling that I am buttering you up you might be right to think that way for...future reasons. Next chapter our lovely couple has to go back to the real world where the effects of what Kara did start to have ramifications.

Thanks for reading!


	46. Chapter 46

Joss tapped her foot against her bathroom tile as she waited for John to answer his cell phone. He answered on the second ring. "Hey, missed me so soon? We just left our weekend getaway twenty minutes ago," he teased.

"You bought me a tub!" she exploded, not about to let him wiggle out of explaining himself with his smooth sexy voice or reminding her of their bliss filled weekend.

"Do you like it?"

She loved it, loved the gesture behind it, but that was beside the point. "John, you didn't have to get me a new bathtub."

"You liked the one in the penthouse suite, so I asked Finch to find you that one and get it and install it while we were there. I'm guessing he did as asked."

"He did, somehow," she agreed with a sigh. She didn't even want to know how Harold managed to get a new tub in here that quick. "Thank you," she said unable to be all that mad because she loved that damn tub and now she had a version of it in her place.

"You're welcome."

"Okay, now you must admit it: you enjoyed yourself in our bath if you went out and bought me a similar tub!" she continued enthusiastically.

"No, I enjoyed the beautiful extremely naked and wet woman that I had sex with in the bath," he countered.

"Liar!"

"You have no evidence to prove otherwise, counselor," he teased and she grinned, loving when he got playful.

"Oh I have evidence," she purred.

"It better be pretty compelling or I might have to throw your case out," his voice dropped another octave. She closed her eyes. His voice was sexy at normal tone but when he dropped it low it made her turn into a puddle.

"It will be compelling alright," she guaranteed and while she meant to sound like a seductress she instead sounded husky. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" she asked softly as she opened her eyes, seeing he was in a good mood.

"What?"

"Can I tell Taylor?—about you and I dating. I didn't want to tell him until I told you what we were doing was more than just casual. Taylor is going to be excited," she explained. "But I didn't want to tell him unless you were okay with it," she added, worried that after they parted from the hotel that he changed his mind.

They had talked more about their relationship. John had looked wary, scared, but he was open to trying and for that she was grateful she had taken her time with him. Even a month ago John wouldn't have been ready for the realization of what they were because of his past. But all that waiting and all that careful pushing and prodding of him paid off.

John was quiet for a couple moments. "Alright," he agreed softly.

She smiled. "I can tell him?" she asked for further clarification. Joss wasn't doing anything that could impair their deepening relationship.

"Yes."

"Thank you John, if you were here I would kiss you," she said, heartfelt. It was just another step in the right direction for him.

"How are you going to explain it?" John asked, sounding unsure.

She grinned. "Easy, I'm going to sit my boy down and just explain everything to him and that we were secretly dating this entire time for your sake, that you needed to get reacquainted with relationships before we let everyone else in on it. Taylor will be understanding, so will my momma, but just be warned: the moment my momma knows we are something, she'll be coming over and cornering you."

"I barely escaped the first time," he muttered.

Joss giggled. "You thought that was bad, you haven't seen her in action yet!" she teased and smiled at the extended sigh he gave. "Okay, am I going to get to see you tonight for dinner?" she wondered.

"If I can."

"Alright, call me if you need any help with a new number," she added and with that she hung up. She eyed the tub happily before turning to exit. She was going to take the new tub out for a spin before she called her momma to go pick up her boy. She had some good news to tell them.

* * *

John ignored the look on Shaw's face as he slowly approached them. Bear rushed over to greet him as if he hadn't seen him in years. Finch smiled. "Good morning, Mr. Reese."

"Morning Finch," he murmured before glancing at Shaw. "Morning,Shaw," he added.

"So, Reese, you look well…rested." Shaw commented with a stupid grin on her face.

He rolled his eyes as he blatantly ignored her. "So anything interesting happen this weekend?" he wondered as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Well, nothing as fun as yours, but some asshole couple wanted to kill their wedding planner over supposedly ruining their wedding or something like that. I didn't bother listening to their reason for wanting the chick dead," Shaw said with a shrug. "Kind of lame, but I did get to shoot a bride in the kneecap, which was a first," she said proudly.

John smirked. "The first is the one you always remember."

"When did you shoot a bride?" Shaw demanded.

Harold glanced up at John as he sat at his computer. "Not to break up this odd bonding moment, but there is also something else that happened this weekend while you were away. We had another number before the Thomas couple. A number we had received and when Ms. Shaw arrived they were already arrested."

John furrowed his brows. "For what?"

"For murder, Mr. Sean Walcott was the perpetrator, but we received his number too late," Finch said slowly. His suspicions were correct. The machine was starting to malfunction by not giving them the information on time. It was spotty; some numbers they received, while others they received too late. Harold was worried that soon they weren't going to receive the numbers at all. "He murdered his neighbor, they were feuding for years and the man snapped. The murder was premeditated as he purchased an unmarked handgun two days before the murder. We should have received his number then but we didn't."

Shaw glanced at Reese. "Finch explained to me about your former partner in the CIA and what he suspected she did to the machine."

Finch shook his head. "And it's not a suspicion anymore. The machine was never late in giving a number before."

"So if we can't stop the machine from crashing, what are we supposed to do?" John demanded and narrowed his eyes on the look on Harold's face. "You know more."

Finch looked at John directly. "Yes," he agreed gently, seeing no other alternative than telling John some of the truth.

"What do you know, Harold?"

Finch stood up so he could address both Mr. Reese and Ms. Shaw. They were both in this now. "When I was building the machine I designed it so that if a catastrophic crash were to ever happen it would go into a remote debugging protocol," he explained.

"And what the hell does that mean for us non-nerdy type?" Shaw asked.

Finch glanced at Ms. Shaw. "Think of it in terms of God Mode, which gives full access to the machine to the admin. I think that's what whoever Ms. Stanton worked for was after, the access," Finch explained. It was one of his fears while making the machine. That someone would want to get a hold of it because of the power the machine possessed. And his fears proved founded because of what happened to Nathan.

John stared at him, betraying nothing. "And you didn't see fit to tell me this earlier?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Reese, I didn't see the need unless I had known that the machine was the target," he murmured. How was he ever going to explain to John that the virus that was crippling the machine was of his own doing to save the machine from guilty parties? There wasn't any way he could explain this for John to understand. It was something Harold had lived with since receiving John and Kara's numbers, days before they were to be killed.

John stared at his friend and felt there was something else that Finch wasn't telling him. Something important. "Anything else, Harold?"

"When the machine crashes I predetermined a payphone for the machine to call, which will give whoever answers that phone unfettered access for twenty four hours." he answered, giving as much as he could.

Shaw nodded. "Do you have any clue when that will happen?"

"No, not as of yet. I suspect the machine's functions will become dire which should clue us in when the crash is imminent," Finch said with eyes focused solely on John, gauging his reaction. But his face gave nothing away.

"Or we could find this Stanton broad and force her to tell us what she knows about the people she worked for," Shaw offered.

John shook his head. "Kara won't tell us anything."

Shaw looked between Reese and Finch. "There has to be something proactively we could do."

Harold felt his shoulders slump. "I'm sorry, Ms. Shaw, I wish there was. All we can do now is wait for when the machine crashes and be at the payphone to protect it. I have a feeling other interested parties are going to be in search of this payphone too."

John eyed Harold. "Yea, maybe by then you'll have told us the full story," he snapped before he turned to walk away.

"John…" Harold began, but John didn't stop until he left the library as he called Joss.

She answered on the first ring. "Hey, what's up?"

"Joss, I need a favor."

"Name it, John."

* * *

Joss smiled as Harold approached her. "Hey," she greeted as he slid into the chair across from her.

"I'm assuming Mr. Reese asked you to meet with me and see if I would tell you anything else he feels I'm hiding from him," Harold murmured.

She smiled. "Actually no, John didn't. He asked me to find out everything I could about a Sean Walcott and to look over all the latest homicides to see if they could have been premeditated or not. But John was very edgy, so I asked him what was up and he told me," she admitted. "I merely called you for lunch to see what the hell is going on," Joss explained.

The waitress approached with a menu for him but it was unnecessary as Harold already knew his order. She ordered just an iced tea and a bagel. She wasn't really hungry.

"Mr. Reese was unhappy with the fact that I was keeping some information to myself but until I knew if it was relevant or not I didn't want to worry John."

She nodded. "Yea, well see it from his side Harold: he's frustrated. Kara is back and he doesn't know what she's going to do or when. Then the machine was targeted by some unknown entity that Stanton worked for with unknown reasons. John has no control over any of this and he's unused to having to wait. John and Shaw, in that respect, are two sides of a coin: movers, they are in constant need to move and be ahead of things. Because if they were even a second too late they were dead or their partner was,"she said. She understood John because she was former military herself.

Harold eyed her. "I see. You must understand, Jocelyn, that the reasons I am keeping things to myself is to protect everyone."

"Are you sure?-because I think you're protecting yourself and not John. I have a feeling whatever you're afraid to tell John is something you feel will cause you to lose your friendship with him," she said speaking her instinct. It never led her astray before.

Harold swallowed hard. "I nearly forgot about your rather uncanny ability to read people, Jocelyn," he murmured softly before clamming up as the waitress appeared with their lunches. "There is something I haven't told John that I fear will cause a rift between us," he admitted once they were alone.

"I doubt that."

"You don't know what it is, Joss," Harold said as he focused on mixing his dressing into his salad.

Joss spread cream cheese onto her bagel, giving Finch a quick glance. "Okay, don't tell him. But if he finds out on his own, whatever this big secret you are keeping from him will be worse. You want trust, you need to show some yourself. Trust John, Harold, it's that simple. It's all he wants."

"Jocelyn, I irrevocably changed John's life forever. I'm the reason he was sent to Ordos China. I'm the reason he never got to save Jessica. All of this was my fault," Harold stated. Jocelyn was there before he found John and they were extremely close. Maybe she could offer guidance on what to do. He didn't want to lose John, not just from the purpose, but from his life. Mr. Reese was a true friend, loyal to a fault.

Joss stared into Harold's big pain-filled blue eyes hidden under those glasses. She saw nothing but honesty. "Talk to him, John will listen. You just need to give him a chance too," she said as she laid a hand on Harold's. "I need to go. Just think about what I said, please, Harold."

"I will take it into consideration," he offered.

She smiled. "Good," she stood up to tug out some money to pay for her tea and bagel. He shrugged her off. She shook her head. "Thanks for lunch, Harold," she said as she took her bagel to go with her, her mind whirling around the little that Finch did say. It made her truly wonder what happened and she hoped Finch would do as she suggested because secrets had a way of coming out in the worst possible way imaginable.

* * *

AN: Poor Joss is playing the go between for John and Finch right now. This and the next couple chapters kind of hint at or set up things upcoming. Next chapter there is some sweet moments and then there is some less sweet moments :D

Thanks for reading XOXOX


	47. Chapter 47

_**AN: Goodbye show formerly known as POI, I will not miss *that* show. What I will miss is my beautiful John Reese and Joss Carter, I will forever those two. But thankfully there is fanfiction and wonderful writers out there that I can bury myself in their stories. They will get the love they rightfully deserve here. So I want to thank you to all the reviewers, or PMers, or just readers...thank you for sharing in the love of John and Joss XOX**_

 _ **Now onto the chapter,**_

* * *

"Wait for it," John murmured as he hid with their number, Julian Tolbert, behind a wall. As Finch worked on dissolving the bounty on the man's head, John had the task of keeping Tolbert alive. John had swooped in the moment a gunfight started due to different parties each wanting to collect the bounty on Tolbert themselves. John used the chaos to his advantage and managed to extract Tolbert out of their clutches. He had disposed of three hit-men with one last pesky assassin left, but getting into the fire fight with the others had left him without any ammo and sectioned off from his car on a dead end street in a residential community. He had no escape plan that didn't require running through a residential community that housed children or running in the middle of the street without any cover to protect the number.

"Wait for what?—waiting here we are sitting ducks!" Tolbert cried like a frightened child. John rolled his eyes. This man reminded him too much of Leon Tao, the bane of his existence.

" _Tell the whimpering man-child I'm nearly there to pick his ass up_ ," Shaw muttered over his earwig. He wasn't telling Tolbert that, because then he would whine about that too.

" _So am I. Fusco is only out by a minute or so_ ," Joss added into the conversation over the connection.

John took that as his cue as he slid from his position and saw the car that had been in pursuit of them speed up as it saw him. "Hope you're right, Joss," he commented over the earwig. He heard squealing tires from behind him in the opposite direction of the North/South road, and heard Shaw's shouting at their number. From behind him he felt Tolbert make a run for it to Shaw.

As the speeding car crossed the intersection towards him a large Mack truck rammed into its side, T-boning it, sending it flying a few feet until it began rolling from momentum. Once the car came to a stop Joss hopped out of the truck looking as hot as hell and Lionel appeared about sixty seconds later in his state issued car. John licked his lips as the wind ruffled her hair, she cinched her jacket tighter around her, accentuating her beautiful bosom. She was wearing leather gloves to shield her identity from being the one that drove the truck, which made her looker even hotter if that was possible.

Shaw pulled up to Carter and rolled down the passenger window. "That was sexy! But gotta go and get this crybaby in the backseat back home, safe and sound," she said before rolling the window up, silencing the angry retorts from the man.

Joss shook her head as Shaw peeled out of there. "I should write her a ticket," she muttered with a cough at the smell of burnt rubber, before she focused her attention on John and smiled. He was watching her with quiet intensity. "Now that," she started as she pointed to the Mack truck, "never gets old except when you're on the receiving side of it," she admitted as she sauntered over to John.

"You looked so badass," he nearly groaned.

"Which colorfully means: hot, in John speak," Joss purred silkily as she dragged a finger across his chest, allowing thoughts of ripping his clothes apart to fuck him where he stood to burn through her.

Lionel glared at them. "Yea, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, get your flirt on because I don't need any help with Rip Van Wrinkle here!" Fusco complained with a puff of air from being out of breath.

Joss chuckled as she turned and hurried to go help Lionel. John appeared by her side to help pull the unconscious man free of the car.

"You better go John. Fusco and I can take care of it from here," Joss murmured, removing the gloves she wore, sliding them into her coat's pockets.

"Don't forget the others. They are gift-wrapped in Tolbert's office's parking garage," John reminded them both.

Fusco rolled his eyes. "Joy, getting to clean up your messes is what I live for, wonder-boy," he griped while she shook her head as she called the case in and John seemed happy with Fusco's irritation.

Joss looked at John after she was through. "John," she called out, he was already beginning to backpedal. He looked at her. "We need to talk about something. It's important."

"I'll be at your place," he murmured, a smirk creeping across his face and his eyes twinkling.

She nodded. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she said and he nodded and disappeared nearly before her eyes. Joss still wasn't ever going to get used to his ability to disappear like that. He might find her ability to read people uncanny but she found his ability to vanish nearly as uncanny. Joss turned to look at Fusco.

"So you and Mr. Fabulous aren't trying to hide your thing anymore?" Fusco remarked.

She smiled. "Nope, John and I are together."

"Well since he has been getting some on a regular basis he isn't such a pain in the ass," Fusco admitted. "You're good for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deranged."

"Thanks,… I think." she said with a rueful look. "And he's good for me too. It's not just one sided, Lionel."

Fusco nodded. "Yea, since getting some on a regular basis yourself you're…"

"I'm what?" she interrupted with a fierce look.

He shrugged. "You're relaxed, happier," he acknowledged. Oh he knew it wasn't just sex between wonder-boy and his partner, Reese eyed Carter like the sun set in her eyes. Wonder-boy was so far gone, so head over heels for his partner he wondered how the big guy even walked upright. And Carter well she was just as smitten but was more low-key about it.

She relaxed. "Yea I am, it feels good to have someone, you know."

"I do know," Fusco agreed. As they waited for backup and the ambulance to arrive which with the distant sirens, were fast approaching, he eyed his friend. "You okay, Carter, you seem upset?" Fusco wondered genuinely.

"I am. We have a big problem, Lionel."

"What?—besides, being at wonder-boy's beck and call."

"Murders have been on a rise," she said softly.

"I noticed that and the kind of murders that the Three Musketeers used to stop too," Fusco muttered as sirens grew closer.

"Yea, something is happening," she said with a sigh of foreboding.

"Let me guess: it has to do with whatever that brunette psychopath did while she had strapped you with a bomb vest?" Fusco asked and she softly eyed him. "What? Just because I pretend to not know anything, doesn't mean I'm oblivious?! I learned a long time ago to never ask questions you don't want to know the answers to," he murmured.

"Well, Lionel, do you want to know?"

That was the million dollar question. Did he want to know? Just yesterday Fusco would have said no, that he didn't want to know where their mutual banes of his existence got their information from. But now with the worry etching lines on his friend's and partner's face, he wondered.

"Would you tell me if I said yes?" Fusco asked instead, so he could drum up an answer to her question.

She glanced at the ambulance heading their way before looking back into Lionel's blue eyes. "Not my secret to tell. But I would direct you to the person who could."

"Well it's a good thing that I'm not ready to know," he muttered.

She gently shook her head. "I think you already know. I think you're just not ready to hear it. As you said, you're not oblivious, Lionel," she countered.

Fusco sighed. "Okay, new rule: no using your super-power on me! It's funny when you do it to Mr. Sunshine because you can make the big guy sweat, but it's freaky when you turn it onto me," he groused before they got back to business as officers and paramedics arrived.

* * *

John entered the backdoor of Joss's place as he always did. He removed his coat and suit blazer before exiting the mud room. He heard laughter coming from the living room, meaning Taylor was home. John swallowed the nervous butterflies. He assumed Taylor knew about his arrangement with his mother by now. It was still taking some getting used to that he was effectively dating Joss. She had been right of course, he had just been in sexual relationships before and they never meant so much, and he never shared so much as he had with Joss. In his previous sexual liaisons the only thing he shared was his body, never anything remotely personal. It had been right under his nose all this time but he had just gotten so good at hiding from it that it took a moment to process what she said. It frightened him, yet at the same time Joss wasn't backing off and it excited him to know that he didn't scare her.

He exited the kitchen, swallowing the nerves, and entered the living room.

Taylor's eyes slid from the TV to look at him. "Hey Mr. Badass, long time no see," the kid greeted as he sat up, with a fist out.

"It wasn't that long." John muttered as he bumped his fist to the boy's before dropping into the sofa chair.

"Mom's not home," Taylor said.

"I know, I saw her at a crime scene. She asked to speak to me in private," John murmured.

Silence echoed through the room. Taylor eyed John and knew he wasn't going to address the elephant in the room and was just going to sidestep it until he brought it up. "So you and my mom, huh?" he said.

John fidgeted. "Yes," he sighed. He should have known the boy wasn't going to let him off the hook easily. He was Joss's son after all.

"I already knew about you guys for a while before mom told me," Taylor murmured.

John looked at the boy quickly. "Excuse me?"

"I saw you two kissing when you came over the night mom sprung the dinner for Joan she wants to prepare. You two were gone for a while and I got curious. I saw you two making out," he admitted. "But don't tell my mom! She'll kill me to know that I didn't listen to her!"

"You knew and didn't say anything?"

Taylor shrugged. "I knew my mom would have told me much sooner so she was being quiet for your sake. So I pretended because I didn't want to screw it up for her," he said. "Plus, I didn't want my mom to know I disobeyed her. I would have been in for a lecture," Taylor added as an afterthought.

John chuckled as he nodded. His mother did so enjoy her lectures, before he looked Taylor in the eyes as he grew serious. "I'm going to hurt her, so when I do please be there for her," he requested gruffly. "It's really the only thing I'm good at, but your mother won't listen to me."

Taylor stared at John. His mom already told him and his grandma about John's fear of hurting her which seemed to charm his grandma further and just made Taylor more determined to help John realize he belonged with them. "Maybe mom knows you better than you know yourself. Maybe we all do. Because if there is one thing I do know about the mysterious badass in the suit is that you won't ever hurt my mom," he said in absolution. John wouldn't hurt his mom. How could he?—John was in love with her.

"You put too much faith in me, Taylor."

"Maybe you don't put enough," Taylor argued. "You know what, John, I think you're scared! I think my mom scares you because she makes you feel things that you don't want to feel!"

John winced at the kid's too spot on declaration. "I don't want to argue with you."

"I wouldn't be my mom's son if I didn't argue," Taylor said with a laugh. John smirked gently. "Mom and I like you, John," he said sincerely.

John looked at Taylor. "I like you and your mom too."

Taylor allowed the topic to fade away because he didn't want to spook John off. He wanted to tell John that he loved him but his mom was right: John didn't love himself and wouldn't welcome hearing that they did. Too bad Grandma wasn't there to help John with the reasons why he couldn't forgive himself or love himself, there was a reason she once was one of the best psychologists in the state of New York until she retired.

"I'm going to go over to my friend's for a study group. Do you mind reminding my mom? I'm not sure she remembers that I told her this morning," Taylor asked as he got to his feet.

"Sure, I'll tell her."

"Thanks. And for what it's worth, John: I'm glad you and my mom are together. You might think you'll hurt my mom but the only way you'll ever do that is by not being in her life," he said as he looked down at John. "Same for me," he finished before turning and walking to the foyer, leaving John deep in thought.

* * *

Joss got home and found John in her living room near the photographs. "Taylor's not here," he murmured with his back to her. She smiled as he turned around. "He, uh, told me to remind you he had a study group to go to."

"I remember," she agreed as she walked up to him and rested her hands on his hips. "I'm sure there was more to your conversation. If I know my boy he couldn't keep from telling you he knew about us." she said with a smile.

"Yea, we talked about that," John conceded.

"He's really happy. He really likes you, John," she said softly.

John looked at the photograph of her and Taylor when he was young. "I really like him too."

"And what about his momma, how do you feel about her?" Joss questioned with a cheeky grin, earning John's gaze.

"Her…I don't know…"

She narrowed her eyes as she lifted her hands to his cheeks, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. John sighed as he easily responded, wrapping his arms around her waist. Once she felt she sufficiently kissed the stuffing out of him was when she pushed back, breathing slightly labored, but immensely pleased with the dazed lusty look in his eyes. "Now you were saying…" she led.

He looked down at her and tilted his head a little. "Well, I like his mother quite a bit," he answered quietly, almost shyly.

"That's better." she said, satisfied, but sadly she had a feeling his playfulness and warmth was going to evaporate the moment she told him what she needed to. She wished she could hide it from him but John needed to know. "We need to talk about something."

"What?"

"You asked me to look into recent homicides and I did as you asked." she began and John released her and motioned for them to sit. She nodded and they sat down together on her couch. "You were right, homicides are on the rise because of the machine being attacked with that virus."

"I see," he murmured. "Why do I have a feeling you have more to say?"

"Because I do and it won't be something you want to hear," she agreed.

"At least you won't leave me in the dark," John muttered and Joss winced internally at the jab about what Finch was hiding from him.

"Give him time, John. Finch is a very private man."

"That's an excuse."

Joss shrugged. "Yes it is. But he's your friend and deserves the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's just trying to figure things out too. You never know what it could be about and maybe he doesn't know how you'll react," she said softly.

"And why do I feel like you know more about what Finch needs to tell me?"

"Because I do: but it's not my secret to tell, so I can't betray his trust. Finch is my friend just as much as he is yours. All I can say is to keep asking him, John. He'll tell you eventually."

John eyed Joss. "Is it bad?" he wondered. Because he couldn't figure out where and when they crossed paths in the past, not a single moment came to mind.

"I don't know. He didn't get that far into it. I just know he feels like he's going to lose you over it and he doesn't want to lose another person he cares about. He's lost Grace, lost Nathan, and he's scared to lose you too," she said gently. She wished she could help Finch tell John because, while he was scared he was going to lose John over what happened, she didn't think so. She believed John just wanted the truth: good or bad, at least he knew what happened.

John rubbed a hand through his hair. "Joss, let's just focus on what you want to tell me," he suggested.

She nodded. "Alright, at several crime scenes of some particularly gruesome murders there is a description of a person that has been seen at each one of the scenes," Joss started.

"So New York has a serial killer on the loose?"

"Something like that," she agreed.

"Great, not the best time for the machine to have trouble giving numbers. Some of those people could have been saved or perhaps we could have gotten the serial killer already," John muttered in anguish. He could have prevented those murders if only the machine was working right. And he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault because Kara was a part of his past.

"John, the description of the person witnessed at the crime scenes matches Kara Stanton. An APB is out for her but if it is Kara, which I believe so, we won't be catching her anytime soon," she said and watched as John stiffened. "She was witnessed at at least five crime scenes recently. Nothing connects them with CIA or any government agency that she could be planning to get revenge on. They seem to be all normal everyday people. I actually already emailed the information to Finch for him to further dig into. You know her best: what is she thinking?"

"I'm not sure. But I do know that Kara always does things for Kara," he said with slumped shoulders. "What I also know is that this is my fault."

Joss blinked in surprise. "What? How is this remotely your fault, John? Stanton is crazy and we don't know why she is doing what she is doing," Joss responded forcefully.

"She's my past, Joss."

"Exactly!—Kara Stanton is your past John, it's not like you are enabling her or helping her with these murders," she declared tightly. She needed to get this through his head: none of what was happening was his fault. Past or not, Kara Stanton was going to do what Kara Stanton wanted to do!

John climbed to his feet. "I need to go. I need to help Finch and Shaw look into this. Maybe we can draw up an idea to lead Kara to us," he said as he turned and walked towards her kitchen. She was left to get up and go follow him.

"John," she said softly, trying to soothe him, but he didn't bother turning around. Joss hurried to him and reached out laying a hand on his as he grabbed his suit blazer. Their eyes connected. "Fine, go, but it's not your fault. None of it is. Kara Stanton is the one that deserves the blame, not you," she said softly.

"I need to go," he repeated.

She sighed as she released his hand and he immediately tugged his jackets on, but before he could exit she pressed a warm kiss to his lips. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Joss," he murmured, not meeting her eyes and with that he was gone. She closed the door behind him and locked it up tight with her thoughts firmly on the man she loved and his inability to not place the weight of the world on his shoulders.

* * *

AN: Kara is like poison destroying everything she touches. Unfortunately for team machine things will be getting worse, which is all of a hint I will give, except there is goodies coming up so it's not all doom and gloom :D Thanks for reading!


	48. Chapter 48

_**AN: I wanted this up yesterday but I power-washed my house's siding and well I was very sore, sun-burnt, and tired after it that I didn't feel like doing much of anything. So I apologize for making you guys wait another day!**_

* * *

Joss entered the precinct after having a rough night sleeping. Her mind had been on John and her sinking suspicion that Kara was killing people, trying to lure him out. Kara knew the man-in-the-suit's MO. He came out for people in danger, just with the machine out of whack, it was giving numbers now sporadic. But she wasn't going to tell John her suspicion as he had enough guilt on his shoulders.

Joss slid into her desk chair but looked up immediately when she heard a commotion. Man, she just got here. The doors to the bullpen opened and she saw Szymanski being led by two men, in handcuffs. She immediately shot up. Szymanski was a good man. And today was the day he was supposed to take the stand at the Yugorov trial.

"Let's take him into Interrogation B," the bald man said.

"Hold up, what's going on?" Joss demanded as she approached them. They stopped in front of her.

"This is an Internal Affairs matter," the second man said, who appeared to be slightly younger than the balding man. They flashed their badges at her.

"And this is a good cop," Joss stated immediately. "What is going on here?" she repeated.

"Someone is setting me up, Joss. They planted evidence, offshore accounts, some condo in Miami, and then IAB finds that stuffed in a pillow in my apartment," Szymanski said with a head nod to a different detective that had a bag full of money on his desk.

The IAB agent spoke up. "We received a reliable tip that turned out to be right on."

"A tip?—from who?" she demanded. But her question was never answered as the IAB agents tugged Szymanski towards one of the Interrogation rooms.

Szymanski turned to look back at her. "I'm supposed to testify today. They are dirtying me up so I can't take the stand at the Yugorov trial," he shouted before he was taken into the Interrogation room and the door slammed shut.

Joss looked at Fusco. "I'm going to figure this out. That man is a good cop!" she stated in anger. "If the captain asks where I am tell her I'm out running down a lead."

"Sure thing, Carter," Fusco agreed.

Joss grabbed her coat and made a beeline for the door, while tugging out her cell phone. She needed John and Finch's help with this. John answered on the first ring. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, but we need to meet."

"Come to the library," he instructed and she hung up with him. She needed all hands on deck with this one. She wasn't going to let a good cop go down because someone was trying to get rid of a key witness.

Ten minutes later Joss stormed down the corridor of the library and saw John, Finch, and Shaw together. Bear wagged his tail the moment he saw her and got up to trot over to her. "Hey, Bear," she greeted warmly with a firm pat on his head.

John looked to her. "What's going on, Joss?" he asked and she straightened up.

"Remember Szymanski?"

"Yes," John agreed as he frowned. How could he forget? He had ended up getting shot thanks to him.

"He's being steamrolled by someone and I got my mind on HR. It stinks of them," she explained. "Off shore accounts, a condo in Miami, they are making him look like he's on the take. John, he's one of the good ones! And it's sort of coincidental timing too: he was supposed to take the stand today for the Yugorov trial."

John nodded. "It would make sense that HR has a hand in this. Their partnership with Elias went south, now they're siding with the Russians to soak up more money and to run the city."

"Yea, Russians will turn a blind eye on the dealings that HR does and HR turns a blind eye on what the Russians will do. It's mutual beneficial," Joss muttered, disgusted.

"If that is the case than Elias is going to be in grave danger, he murdered Peter Yugorov's father," Finch murmured. He recalled the ominous warning from Elias during their weekly chess matches. It seemed like Elias had his suspicions of what HR was planning on doing.

Shaw motioned at the pane. "I'll go work our new number, let you guys handle this. No offense, but the number offers the chance to shoot someone," Shaw murmured before she spun around and hurried off.

Joss glanced at Finch. "You got a new number?"

"Yes, we're hoping its a number that's new and not too late," he said softly. "But we can help you figure this out, Jocelyn."

"No, the numbers are important. Szymanski is safe…in jail, but safe," she murmured. "But if you could just look into this condo in Miami and the off-shore accounts unofficially and let me know what you find that would be helpful."

"Of course Jocelyn, I'll get right on it," Finch offered.

John grabbed her hand before she could turn to leave. "I'll walk you to your car," he said and she nodded. They turned and walked away. "Just be careful," he requested gently.

She furrowed her brows. "What do you mean John?"

"Going too hard could make HR turn on you again. I managed to get the hit off you the first time because Elias needed permission which I revoked. HR and the Russians won't care about permission or not."

She smiled as she grabbed his hand as they walked together the length of the corridor. She stopped short of following him out and down the steps to exit the library. She could see Finch all the way in the hub where he no doubt was already in the process of helping Shaw with their new number and searching for the info for her.

She looked back into John's eyes. "I'll be fine. And if I need some backup, you'll be my first and only call," she said as she kissed him softly.

"I better be," he whispered when she pulled back. "Just be careful,"

"I will." she reassured and thought about Szymanski when a thought struck her. "But I got an idea of how I might be able to prove Szymanski is being set up and it might be just enough to get him out on bail."

"How?"

"The money trail." she supplied before kissing him soundly. "Gotta go and prove I'm right that he's being setup," she said before turning and rushing away, leaving John to watch her.

* * *

Joss stormed towards her desk with a triumphant smile on her face. She did it. She proved Szymanski was set up. "Terney! I think Szymanski was set up. You know the marked bills found in Szymanski's place? Well, the FBI placed them in a bodega run by Elias. Six days later the NYPD did a raid there but the marked bills never showed up in evidence, they just disappeared, so either Elias moved the money or someone on the force grabbed it, giving HR the perfect weapon to set up a good cop," she said and she knew which way it was.

"Wow, Carter, that's real police work. That should be enough to get IAB off his back," Terney murmured.

"That's definitely enough to get him out on bail by the end of the day and it should let him testify against Yugorov," she agreed.

"Yea, it should," Terney said before taking a sip of his coffee, turning and walking away from her desk without another word.

Joss grabbed the file. She had to go meet with the IAB agents assigned to Szymanski's case and show them what she found. Fusco grabbed her elbow and she eyed him. "What's up Fusco?"

"I heard what you told Terney." he said quietly as he looked around.

She shrugged. "Yea, so…"

"Carter, this mean that someone has it out for Szymasnki, so you need to watch your back. You don't want them turning on you next. And from my time in HR, both when I was dirty and when wonder-boy plopped me in the thick of things: they want to eliminate whatever or whoever is in their way. I don't want that to happen to you," Fusco admitted gruffly.

Joss eyed Lionel. "Thanks for the concern, but I can't let a good man go down for something he didn't do. He's innocent." she said with conviction.

"Sometimes it's easier to let sleeping dogs lie."

"And sometimes you have to rattle cages to bring down the whole damn enterprise. Lionel, we managed to collect a bunch of them with Donnelly. But we never did manage to get the head of HR and now look at them, gathering forces again, and reemerging," Joss continued angrily. Without lobbing off the head of HR they were just rejuvenating.

"What, you think by proving one cop's innocence is going to help you find the head? Wasn't it proven on the ledger that Walker was the head of HR?"

"Do you really buy it Lionel? Do you really believe the real head of HR is going to have his name plastered on a ledger?!" she demanded tersely. She understood his concern but she wasn't backing off.

"No, I don't. But I just don't want you to meet wit an accident, if you catch my drift," Lionel murmured sincerely. "You're my friend and partner."

She smiled. "I know. You're a good and loyal friend, Lionel, and if I'm honest, you're the best partner I ever had, even with our rocky start. But I have to do this. I have to, for Szymanski, he'd do the same for me and I'm not going to let HR run this city," she said with finality in her tone. Fusco merely nodded his head. And with that she turned, shrugged off his concern, and hurried away to go find the IAB agents.

* * *

Joss sat in a bar with Shaw. John and Finch had gone off to walk Bear together and catch up, which left her time to catch up with Shaw. She invited Fusco but so far he was a no-show. "So how did the new number work out?" Joss asked, already knowing the answer, but she wanted to see if Shaw would come clean.

Shaw snorted. "Guy was already dead….well, basically. He had been poisoned. I did manage to help prove who poisoned him with Finch and Reese's help."

"Is he the dead body that Fusco was sent to investigate?" Joss asked.

Shaw shrugged. "Carter, his dying wish was to take the guy out that poisoned him. What was I supposed to?—refuse a dying man that was killed for no other reason than standing in the way of that guy's big fat wallet! I know you, Finch, and Reese said no killing unless absolutely necessary but this was a special circumstance. And I won't apologize for doing it."

Joss frowned because she didn't know what to say. Shaw heeded a dying man's wish, but she still killed someone, yes a murderer, but still. Joss eyed the little brunette. "Can you just promise me to not kill anyone else if you can help it?" she requested. "I asked John this after he killed a man and I'm going to ask you the same thing. Please, no more killing unless it's under dire circumstances: special requests or no." She couldn't go back and change the outcome of what already happened but she did not condone murder. Shaw curtly nodded.

They were in silence for a while. "So Joan…." Shaw began.

Joss shifted her gaze off her drink to eye Shaw questioningly. "Yea, what about her?"

"Reese loves her."

"I know he does."

"She loves him," Shaw continued.

"I know she does," Joss agreed, really not sure where Shaw was going with this.

"So why doesn't he get her the fuck out of that encampment?! I don't like her there. I cased the joint and there is this one guy eyeing her…if he touches her, I'm going to shoot him!"

Joss smiled at how protective Shaw was. "You like Joan?"

"I don't like anyone…except for the dog." Shaw countered.

Joss chuckled. Shaw was cute when she lied, but Joss tactfully didn't admit that to the brunette. "Yea, well, I believe Joan is safe there. And to answer your question, John has tried to lure Joan out of the encampment. But with Joan it's a process, it's all she has known for so long. I think she's coming around though. She misses seeing John and being she lives up in that encampment, he can't get there all the time. Plus maybe after Joan attends my dinner Friday, she'll rethink not leaving the encampment," she said as she drank the rest of her beer.

"Hello ladies!"

Joss and Shaw both turned when they heard Fusco's voice and watched him approach. "Hey, Fusco, it's nice of you to come join us," Joss murmured as he sat down beside Shaw.

"Club Soda," he ordered.

"You don't drink?" Shaw demanded.

Lionel eyed the little munchkin. "Nah, seven months sober now," he admitted.

Joss hid a smile. Yea right around the time Lionel met as Fusco claimed: the bane of his existence. "So why are you so late?" Joss asked as she leaned her elbow on the countertop facing Lionel.

Fusco squirmed, he knew how Carter would react to his news. "Finished up my paperwork just as news came in: Szymanski and the Assistant District Attorney prosecuting Yugorov were found shot and killed, along with a political advisor to Ed Griffin, who was injured. He was rushed to the hospital with a shoulder wound."

Joss sat up immediately. "Szymanski is dead!"

Shaw frowned. "Wait, Szymanski, the one you wanted to prove was innocent is now dead?"

"Yea and I proved he was innocent. I got him out on bail, so he could testify tomorrow for the Peter Yugorov's trial," she said. "Who got Szymanski's case?"

"Terney did." Fusco answered taking a long sip of his Club Soda before turning to eye her. "Something stinks, Carter."

Shaw snorted. "Szymanski was made to look dirty. Then Carter finds evidence that proves he's not and he winds up dead. Yea, I say something stinks," Shaw agreed.

"Do you know any details of what happened?" Joss asked. Fusco shook his head. Joss got to her feet, tugged out some money to pay for her drink. "I gotta go."

"Carter…"

But she didn't pay attention as she rushed out of the pub tugging her coat on as she went because this was her fault. Szymanski was dead because she proved he was innocent and she was going to get the sons of bitches that did this to a good man.

* * *

Joss sat on her couch at her place when John appeared in her line of sight. She heard him letting himself in the backdoor. Her son was upstairs sound asleep as it was well past one in the morning.

"John, it's all my fault," she whispered as she got to her feet and met him halfway as he tugged her into his arms. She buried her face into his chest and held onto him.

He held her. "Szymanski's death isn't your fault," he said softly, as he dropped a kiss into her hair. He held onto her as he rubbed her back to comfort. "If I'm to believe you about Kara not being my fault then you're not to believe his death is yours."

"You don't play fair," she grumbled, sounding muffled.

He smiled. "Neither do you, you're just unhappy because you're on the other end of it," he teased in a soft whisper.

She pulled back and he wiped the wetness away from her face. "John, he was a good cop and had I just not pushed so hard, so quick, he might be alive."

"Joss…"

"I know, I know, it's HR, but I can't help but feel responsible. Now I get how you feel about Kara, even though you know you have no control over what happens, it still feels like it's your fault. Guess that's one of the curses of being a good person," she murmured as she tugged on his hand. "Sit with me, I want you to hold me," she admitted. She didn't enjoy feeling vulnerable, but with John, she knew she could be.

They sat down on the couch and she curled into him and he hugged her tightly. He let her comment about him being good slip past. "I went to pay my condolences to Szymanski's wife, her name is Barbara. She knows the truth, John. She knows that her husband was murdered because of dirty cops and she asked me to find out the bastards that did this to him." she said tightly.

"And we will," he promised her. "Because I'm going to help you in whatever you need to prove who did this. We need the ones that pulled the trigger, but we also need the head of the snake, the one that conspired to set up Szymanski and when that didn't work: put out the hit."

"We need to get the leader of HR," she agreed. "But you have so much on your plate, John. You have the numbers, worry about the machine, and not to mention Kara Stanton. I can handle solving Szymanski's death on my own," she asserted.

"I know you can handle solving it on your own, but I don't want you to be alone," he said and she looked up. "You're important to me, Joss," he admitted gruffly.

She smiled. "You're important to me too, John," she responded as she wiggled up to kiss him softly.

"And you said I wouldn't be alone with the fight with Kara or with Decima, well I'm not going to let you be alone in your fight against HR. We'll fight together."

She sat up fully so she could stare deeply into his eyes. "Because we are stronger together," she murmured and held her breath hoping he'd acknowledge it.

"Yes," he answered and she leaned over and kissed him deeply, passionately.

John responded to her kiss, letting her wash the fear from him, cleansing him. He had been alone for so long, admitting to being stronger with someone by his side scared the fuck out of him. It felt like she was tearing down all his well-built walls he used to keep everyone out and they just crumbled with no resistance. He didn't mean to keep them up while with her, it was just a habit to protect himself. But it didn't seem to matter to her, she stormed them and left them in tatters, and he had no defense against her, not that he even wanted to. Joss could destroy him and he would let it because he just wanted to be around her.

Joss pushed free of the kiss when John made a choked sound. "Hey, it's okay…" she soothed and he looked at her, just now realizing he was crying. "…you're not alone anymore, John," she said and she groaned as he pushed onto her as he kissed her hungrily.

John moaned as he pushed her beneath him as he climbed on top of her as he kissed her desperately. He ended the kiss as he tugged at her clothes. "You can break me and destroy me, Joss, just don't leave me," he begged as he urgently tugged at her slacks and panties. He needed to be inside her.

She gasped at his words. "Never John, I never want to break you down. And I'll never leave you. Never, even if you run away because your demons get the better of you, I'll follow," she vowed, feeling emotion clog in her throat as John rid them of enough clothes so he could be inside her. Joss moaned as he slid a finger inside her to check to make sure she was ready for him but he didn't need to worry, she was always ready for his lovemaking, and he entered her on one thrust.

The only sound was their breathing and a soft rustle of what was left of their clothes. She grabbed his shoulders as she stared up into his eyes, refusing him even the smallest retreat. It didn't take long for either one of them to find their release even with John's slow and unhurried movements. After so long of knowing each other, of knowing how the other enjoyed it, they moved in sync and it was perfect….damn near magical (if she wanted to go all corny).

John swallowed her cry to muffle it for her, neither wanting to wake Taylor up and have him find them like this. After they both came down back to Earth, after the sheer white-hot bliss, she leaned up to brush her lips against his in a soft loving caress.

"I will not ever attempt to break you or destroy you, John, never, just as you would never attempt to break me or destroy me," she swore. How could he even think that he could show her such care and tenderness and that she wouldn't show him the same? But then she knew the answer, the answer laid bare when he thought he wasn't good enough for her and that he was going to end up hurting her. It was in the answer of not loving or forgiving himself for something he had no control over.

He climbed off of her as he fixed his clothes as she did the same. "I should go, you need sleep."

"Or you could stay over and we can sleep in each other's arms tonight," she suggested as she climbed to her feet. That orgasm left her feeling relaxed and languid, she felt ready to sleep this instant. "You can play it off all you want but I notice you sleep better when you're with me," she murmured with a soft yawn before holding out her hand.

He eyed her and slowly took her hand and they climbed the stairs together and the moment they fell into bed, they were asleep.

* * *

AN: Joss is getting to him and gently chugging him along.

Thanks for reading!


	49. Chapter 49

_**AN: Sorry for the delay in the update for this but I disliked the timeline for something that happens so I had to rework things to fix it the way I wanted. Thanks Elaine for re-proofing chapters for me! Damn my muse *shakes fist***_

* * *

Joss entered the precinct in the morning with her coffee in hand. John left without eating breakfast with her and her son because it was his turn for buying donuts for him, Finch, and Shaw. And that was okay, seeing as she wanted to get to the precinct as quickly as possible and her son bailed on them, choosing a granola bar for breakfast because he was running a tad behind. It had been a crazy morning but she realized as they all talked at once, rushing around her home to get ready for the morning, she thoroughly enjoyed the controlled chaos. John and Taylor fistbumped as John dropped a kiss on her cheek before he vanished before their eyes. She wondered if John even realized how intertwined he was into their lives now. She doubted it unless she pointed it out to him. But she wasn't ready to do that yet. She needed to do these things in steps and she just took a gigantic one with him at the Coronet Hotel when she ousted their real relationship.

She pushed open the bullpen double doors and saw Terney walking towards his desk. "Terney, I hear you are running point on the Szymanski and the ADA's homicides, you got any leads?" she asked immediately as she hurried to catch up to him.

He turned and shook his head in dismay. "Nothing solid yet but we are pushing on all fronts," he assured her.

"What about the mayor's guy, the one that was wounded: Quinn?" she asked. She had got all the details she could last night before heading home and wallowing in her misery until John had come over.

"All that he remembers is the shooter was wearing a mask and that he ran out the backdoor," Terney stated and she frowned because that had been in the statement she read. She had been hoping this Quinn guy would remember more by now.

"Keep me up to date, please. Szymanski was a friend and a good man," she said softly.

Terney nodded and put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. "We'll get whoever did this. I guarantee it," he said.

She watched as Terney walked unhurriedly off and she sat down at her desk dejected. Joss silently watched as Terney didn't seem in too much in a hurry to investigate Szymanski's death. But then Terney was never in a hurry to do his job. Even when she was first paired with him when she got her promotion to detective, he hadn't been in too much of a hurry to actually solve crimes. It rankled her then and it still did now. This wasn't just any murder investigation, this was a murder of one of their own, so where was the urgency and the need to get this guy?

"Hey Carter…"

She glanced over to Fusco where he was pulling out his desk chair and sitting down. "Good morning, Lionel," she responded. "Do you think if I asked Terney to look at his casefile, he'd let me?"

Fusco snorted. "You're kidding, right?—Terney makes faces behind your back."

She frowned. "He does?"

"Yea, I think it's because he knows you're a better cop and detective than he is. I think he's a tad jealous," Fusco said with a shrug.

She rolled her eyes. "Most guys can't handle when a woman is better than them at something, especially if it's deemed a man's world. It upsets their brain called their manhood that you have to squint to find," she snapped.

Fusco snickered. He did so love when Carter got mouthy. Terney gave him bad vibes. Fusco had seen so many dirty cops in his day, hell he'd been one, and if he didn't know better he'd say Terney was one too.

"Just be careful around him," Fusco offered after another snicker at Terney's expense. He looked away to log onto his computer when he felt a presence by his desk and saw Carter had gotten up and walked over. She slid onto the chair on the opposite side of his desk.

"What do you know about him?—is Terney on the take?" she demanded.

Fusco leaned forward. "Look Carter, you know I was dirty."

"Yea, but you're not anymore."

"No I'm not. But that doesn't mean I can't spot one when I see one. And Terney looks dirty. I'm not sure if he's in HR or not, I never met with him while I was engrained in with them. I only met with Simmons," Fusco said quietly, so no unwanted ears could hear them.

Joss nodded. She trusted his judgment and if he thought that Terney could be dirty, she'd take that under consideration. It would actually explain a lot about Detective Terney. "Thanks for leveling with me, Lionel. I know you don't like talking about it but I appreciate it," she said sincerely.

"Anything to help you out, Carter, and I mean that, if you need anything, holler," he muttered.

"Well if you're interested, could you make sure Terney stays away from his desk long enough for me to make a copy of Szymanski's casefile? If Terney isn't going to work his ass off to figure out who killed him, I will," she said.

Fusco sighed as he got to his feet. "Yea, I'll go hold off the Detective Do-Nothing. How much time do you need?"

"Ten minutes if that," she said.

Fusco nodded as he cinched his suit blazer together and she smiled as Fusco disappeared the same way Terney went. Joss climbed to her feet and looked around the bullpen, making sure no one was really watching as she headed over to Terney's desk. With a short glance to make sure no prying eyes were watching she found Szymanski's casefile easily. She collected it and moved over to the copier and began making copies of all the pages as quickly as possible.

Joss made sure no one was still watching her but everyone was busy at their desks or on phones, or busy jacking their jaws not paying much attention to her. She went back to copying the pages and when finished with the last one she made sure she arranged the paperwork back the way it was in the file, before pocketing the copied contents inside her blazer. Then she moved over to Terney's desk and put it down in the same way she grabbed it.

Joss had minutes to spare to sit down at her desk and hide the copied documents in her desk drawer when Fusco and Terney appeared. Fusco was droning on and on. "Isn't that weird? I'm not against kinky ladies, but wanting to do it in space suit while I pretend to be an alien is a little too out there even for me."

"No offense, Fusco, but I don't want to hear about your sex life: kinky or no," Terney complained as he walked off towards his desk and Fusco shrugged as he turned and walked to his and shot her a smirk.

She mouthed thank you at him and they got to work on their own cases. After work she was going home and pour over the Szymanski case.

* * *

"Hey…"

Joss looked up and smiled as John dropped a kiss on her lips as he slid into the booth seat across from her. "I never give up a chance for lunch with you," he purred.

Joss smirked as Shaw was making a beeline towards them. "With company," she murmured. She was glad she didn't say to meet her at Lyric Diner. Joss still sort of held that in her heart for just her and John without their friends tagging along.

"She was with me when you called for lunch. I offered Finch an invitation too. He'll be here in a few minutes."

"That's fine," she said, not really upset that their friends were ruining a perfect lunch date because she wouldn't mind running by things with Finch and Shaw too. She scooted over to let Shaw slide in beside her.

Finch arrived shortly after Shaw and they ordered. He brought Bear in with his vest on for a service dog. With Harold's physical handicap it was easily believable he needed a service dog. "Good afternoon, Jocelyn," he murmured with a kind smile.

"Hey, Harold," she said jovially. After the waitress reappeared to get Harold's drink and food order, she vanished again with the promise of their orders being up soon. "So, Fusco helped me get my hands on the casefile for Szymanski."

John frowned. "Is that normal for detectives not to share their cases?"

Joss shrugged. "For Terney it is because he's an ego maniac and he never got over the fact that I get more cases than he does. But Fusco seems to think that he could be on the take, but it's nothing concrete, just his hunch. But I trust Fusco's instincts on that."

"He should know, he was one," John agreed bluntly.

Joss eyed John. "He's changed, John. Cut him some slack."

"Does anyone really change?"

"Seriously?—coming from a guy who was a hobo when we met?!" Joss asked and John scowled at her.

Finch perked up as the waitress was walking over with their drinks on a tray. "Oh, our drinks," he murmured hearing the argument gearing up between the detective and Mr. Reese from a mile away.

Shaw looked around the table, finally sensing the tension. "What?" she demanded but no one answered her and their drinks were placed in front of them before the waitress breezed off to go take another couple's order.

John took a sip of his coffee but Joss wasn't going to let it go. "Fusco is a good partner and a friend. He's also a friend of yours, so maybe it's time to stop treating him like the guy you met and treat him as the friend you now have," she suggested.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I know what you're doing! You're being so hard on him because you see a little of yourself in Fusco, with wanting redemption and forgiveness. But you don't believe you deserve either and so you push Fusco so hard because you think he can achieve it. You're living through Fusco!"

John glared at her. "I am not living through Fusco."

"Yea you are!" she countered. "You just won't accept the fact that you can be forgiven, have been forgiven, because you haven't forgiven yourself!"

Shaw grinned as she sipped her coffee. "Now this is definitely good entertainment before we get our lunch."

"Well if you believe Detective Terney is dirty perhaps we should look more in depth at him," Finch said, jumping in to divert the conversation away from their small spat. Joss eyed John, seeing that he didn't say a word to combat her and saw the reflective look on his handsome face. Good, at least he was thinking about what she said.

Joss nodded. "I can do it. But how about you give me what John has on his phone, so I can force-pair with Terney's phone?"she requested.

John nodded, "After lunch," he murmured and she smiled.

The four of them grew quiet when the waitress appeared with their food. John and Shaw both got burger and fries, while she ordered a chicken flatbread and Harold got Grilled Hanger Steak. He was the fanciest one of them.

Joss offered John the casefile while they ate and Harold filled in the silence with conversation.

John looked up. "So Szymanski, who was the key witness to Yugorov's trial, was murdered, as well as the ADA, by a shooter wearing a black mask, but he chooses to shoot and merely wound Alonzo Quinn? If I was hired to kill Szymanski and the ADA I wouldn't have left any witnesses," John murmured as he eyed the casefile. "In fact the whole thing is off. Both Szymanski and the ADA were shot in the back of the head: execution style. From Quinn's statement Szymanski and ADA were facing towards the back door where the supposed gun man ran off. That means the shooter entered from the front."

"Meaning Alonzo Quinn saw the gunman enter; so either Quinn is scared to talk or he was shot to cover up the fact that he was in on it and knew the gunman?" she murmured, critical of the case. Szymanski was a good friend and deserved justice, justice that Terney wasn't in a hurry to get for him. "But how can we prove either one?"

Shaw piped up. "Problem is; there is no concrete evidence, just hunches and years of creating crime scenes." she said muffled with food.

Joss felt deflated. "There has to be a way to prove it that either Quinn is as dirty as they come or he lied in his statement because he's scared for his life. I can't just let this go, guys. Szymanski was a good cop and a good friend."

"We aren't asking you to, Jocelyn, but perhaps we should set up surveillance on this Alonzo Quinn and see what we turn up." Harold suggested.

"Will you help me?"

"Of course," John answered immediately, finally drawing his gaze out of the case long enough to enter the conversation.

Shaw smirked. "So I get first dibs if we get a new number?" she demanded. Joss eyed Shaw. Shaw seemed to really take to the number working since it gave her a thrill, let her use her skills, and right now, with the machine being so screwy, she was back without anything to do. John looked at Shaw and nodded, satisfying the smaller and younger operative.

Joss reached over and closed the casefile. "Eat John," she said firmly. John conceded as he picked up his burger and the four of them had a nice lunch.

* * *

"We have a problem," Joss said immediately when John answered her call. After lunch John was true to his word about giving her the ability to force-pair with Terney's phone. They wanted to know if he was on the up and up. And she was so glad they had their suspicions of him. Fusco was right, Terney was on the take and he worked for HR!

"What's wrong?"

"We were right to suspect Terney, John, because he's as dirty as they come. He seems to be working for HR. They already tried to kill Elias's right hand man and I think they are going to try to take out Elias tonight," she said quietly, which meant her and John's stakeout on Quinn was going to be postponed. But it did make her wonder; if Terney was embedded in HR and he didn't seem in much of a hurry to find the murderer of Szymanski, that meant that HR was definitely behind the hit. And what does that make of Quinn? She was still no closer to knowing if he was scared for his life or a part of HR.

"Elias tried to kill you, Joss, and kidnapped your son, so his well-being isn't exactly a priority for me."

"His lieutenant was gunned down. The first thing Elias did was get his bodyguards to be paroled to watch his man in the hospital. John, we have to save Elias, Terney is calling in favors to get a prison transfer tonight. And thanks to Szymanski's death…Yugorov walked. He's out and if HR and the Russians are working together they are going after Elias as we suspected," Joss said urgently. "I know you don't care about Elias's life but he's a person. We have to save him."

"Alright, I'll come by and pick you up Joss."

She nodded. "I'll be waiting."

* * *

Terney escorted Elias with a black hood over his head deep into the forest. This was poetic justice if you asked him. Elias was useless to them now. He glanced at Yugorov, their new partnership with the Russians should prove to be beneficial to them both. They would run this city while they let the Russians do what they wanted. They would finally be back in control after that purge the FBI had tried against them.

"Right here's good," Terney muttered as he stopped Elias before removing the black hood and shined the flashlight into his face. "It's the end of the road for you, Elias."

Elias looked around the forest before smirking at Terney. "Oh, it's _that_ sort of prisoner transfer," he murmured.

"I heard a story about you Elias. Daddy wanted to put you down, he had two of his goombas take you for a walk in the woods," Yugorov said.

"Does this story have a moral?" Elias wondered with mild curiosity. Were they going to kill him or just bore him?

"Yea, what goes around comes around," Terney spoke up.

"No, you don't get to talk to me," Elias stated as he looked at Terney. "I'm true to what I am, like my friend, Mr. Yugorov, here. I killed his father so he kills me, fair's fair. But you, you're an oath breaker, you're a worm."

Terney made a face. "That's enough out of you." he snapped and put the hood back on his head. He wasn't going to take it. Elias was a dead man. Terney pulled out his unmarked gun. "Piece of crap," Terney muttered as he aimed his gun at the back of Elias's head.

A sharp sound pierced the air before Terney let out a small cry as he fell to the ground, followed shortly thereafter by Yugorov who grabbed at his knee in agony.

Joss stood beside John in black ski masks as they approached the fallen Terney and Yugorov. John grabbed Elias's arm as Joss approached Terney who was on his knees holding his bloody shoulder. "Please I got a family," Terney begged. Joss had no intention of killing him but the begging for his life got to her, appealing to her about having a family filled her with rage for Szymanski. So did that man, he had a wife and a daughter, a daughter that would grow up without a father because he was gunned down for no reason. Joss pistol-whipped Terney, hard.

"That was hot," John whispered for her as she approached them, making her shake her head. He had already taken off his mask, having only worn it at her insistence. Joss didn't say a word as she walked to the van they parked behind and shot out the tires.

"I guess they'll have to call some cronies to come get their sorry asses, none of their injuries are life-threatening," she commented as she climbed into the van they used and waited for John to climb in after he closed the door behind her. Joss tugged the ski-mask off as John climbed in and turned them around.

Joss turned to eye Elias who was smiling at her. "I didn't know you cared, detective."

"About you…I don't, not really. But I wasn't going to let you be killed when I could stop it," she said with a slight shrug before she turned to address John. "What are we going to do with Elias, John?—the moment he shows his face anywhere HR and the Russians are going to go after him, not to mention the police. Once they realize the so-called prison transfer went south there will be a nationwide manhunt searching for America's Most Wanted," she said with a frown as a headache wanted to begin.

"He needs to remain underground for a while. Can you handle that Elias?" John demanded with a quick glance at the man through the rearview mirror.

Elias eyed John with the same smile. "Of course, I ran my entire enterprise while in Rikers. I can handle running it underground for the time being. I have the perfect place in mind where you can take me where no one will look."

"No, we saved you, so you go where Finch and I put you. Call whoever you want but we call the shots," John stated tersely. "Joss wanted to risk it and save you, I was all for letting you die for what you did to her."

"Ah, so I was correct in thinking that you and this lovely detective are more than friends. I always figured," Elias murmured with a smile, not offended by the fact that John wanted to leave him for dead. It would have been fair, he had left John in a refrigerated truck with a baby to die if they didn't tell him where his father was. "Alright, I'm sure wherever you place me will suffice to run my enterprise there."

They fell into silence for a few minutes before John broke it. "After we drop Elias off at someplace safe I think we should head out on our stakeout on Alonzo Quinn."

She furrowed her brows as she eyed her watch. It was kind of late. "Why not let it wait one more night, John?"

"If Quinn is in HR he might lead us to the head, surely there will be a meeting since the hit on Elias went south." he stated his thinking out loud.

Joss sat up straighter in the seat. "That's a good idea." she hadn't thought of the fact that with them stopping HR and the Russians from killing Elias that they might meet up.

John's lips twitched in response. "Well I do come up with some good ideas here and there," he teased softly.

"You're dating me," Joss said and John laughed, which she felt pleased at achieving.

"Being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me," he said softly, so quietly that she had to strain to hear the words. But she did and she tucked them away deep inside her heart.

* * *

Joss was all jazzed up after saving Elias's life from Terney and Yugorov. Saving and situating Elias was a chore but with help from Finch and Shaw they managed to get it done quickly; meeting Marconi was an experience. If she didn't know any better she would think that man had a crush on her for saving his friend and boss's life. The bad flirting had clued her in, but also John, who made it a point to let Marconi know she was his in no uncertain terms. She chuckled at the possessive touch. John was not slick at all.

And now they sat on their stakeout together, chugging coffee because it had been a long day. While they met with Finch situating Elias in his new home underground for the time being, Finch had managed to get them Quinn's whereabouts and they had immediately headed over. He had a nice cushy little apartment. Alonzo Quinn rubbed her wrong. Everything he said sounded fishy to her about the night Szymanski died.

"We'll get justice for Szymanski, Joss." John murmured and she pulled herself out of her thoughts and realized she had been shifting impatiently.

"I know. I'm sorry, it's just I hate waiting. I feel like I'm not doing enough to get justice for him; I'm just sitting in a car and hoping our hunch is correct that Quinn is somehow involved whether being afraid or in on the hit," she murmured despondently.

John reached out with his free hand and rubbed hers. "You're doing more than what Terney is."

"An orangutang would do more than he would, but he's HR and HR is behind the hit," she said with slumped shoulders.

They both stiffened as the door to the apartment complex of Quinn's opened and the man himself exited. John nodded and she immediately force-paired with his phone, turned the microphone on so they could listen in on him.

They stayed quiet as they listened to Quinn call someone as he walked to his car. Whoever he was calling had an unknown number and finally picked up. "Yea, boss," a deep masculine voice greeted.

Joss's brows rose at the greeting. Boss?—what was he doing calling one of his employees in the mayor's office at this time of night? She shared a look with John who immediately tugged out his phone and hit record.

"I got a call from Terney that he's in the hospital because two vigilantes came out of nowhere, shot him and Yugorov and then took Elias to safety! Our new alliance with the Russians is tenuous and this might have broken it before it even began," Quinn stated as he climbed into his car.

Joss looked at John. "He's the head of HR!" she exclaimed, incredulous.

John waited to give Quinn a good head start. He ended the recording and motioned at his glove compartment. "Look inside the glove compartment, there should be a voice recorder," he instructed and Joss did as asked. Sure enough, under a lock-pick, binoculars, a small concealed gun, some First Aid supplies, and a taser was the voice recorder.

"Seriously John, how damn big is your glove compartment to fit all this?" she muttered under her breath as she turned the recorder on so he couldn't make a wisecrack. Judging by the large male smile on his face she was in for a doozy.

They recorded Quinn's angry questions and desire to meet to talk about the problem at hand. Joss stopped the recording to check the tape. "Do you have a fresh tape by chance?" she asked.

John nodded. "In the trunk. But once we get to their meeting spot, I'll pull over someplace hidden I'll get it for you."

Quinn led them to some warehouse out near Oyster Bay. John pulled to a stop hidden behind a building across the street. John immediately climbed out of the car, popped the trunk, and grabbed not only the extra tapes but also his camera. He climbed back in and closed the door gently. He handed her a fresh tape and she immediately put it in the recorder and began recording. While she recorded their meeting John took photos.

Quinn met up with Patrick Simmons as they huddled together outside of the warehouse, where it wouldn't surprise John if it held guns, drugs, and money. HR was into everything that could have dollar signs attached to it. He zoomed in his camera and managed to get the address. When they left he take a look around inside the warehouse to see what they were hiding inside it.

Joss stiffened in rage as Quinn and Simmons casually talked about Szymanski's death like he was nothing but trash before they talked about their alliance with the Russians and Elias.

"It has to be the man-in-the-suit that saved Elias," Simmons complained. "That bastard has a habit of sticking his nose in things that he doesn't belong in."

"He had help this time," Quinn said. "Terney said there were two at the time of saving Elias, both were wearing masks."

"It wouldn't surprise me if it's that brunette that's been rumored to be seen now," Simmons snarled. "Next time I see our pal in the suit, he dies," Simmons guaranteed and John heard Joss take a sharp inhale.

"As long as we have Peter Yugorov indebted to us for us killing Detective Szymanski and the ADA trying the case, we own them. Find Carl Elias and kill him. Show our newfound friends that we finish what we promise. And as for the man-in-the-suit, the next time he crosses us will be his last," Quinn assured him.

"Yes, boss."

Joss hit the stop button. "Got it," she whispered. The two talked for a while after that, but nothing that could be construed as anything illegal. And finally they broke apart, each going their separate ways in the cover of darkness.

She and John remained where they were in his car across the street from the warehouse for a while before he looked at her. "Want to go break and enter?" he asked.

She blinked and looked at him in shock. "NO! No I don't!" she assured him, annoyed.

He smiled at her outrage. "Not even to break and enter HR's honey hole?" he murmured as he nodded at the warehouse. "Who wants to bet that they have unmarked bills, drugs, and guns stashed inside that warehouse they met at."

She looked at the warehouse they convened in front of. That would make sense. They had to stash it someplace and why did they choose to come way out here when they could have just come to any old warehouse that was empty. "Could Finch find out who owns it?" she wondered.

"If he was here that question would hurt his feelings, Joss."

Joss chuckled. "Right, forgot who I was questioning," she said with another short laugh.

She felt a soft touch on her hand and she looked at him. "Come on Joss, let's break and enter together," John purred seductively.

She glared at him. "What? A couple that does illegal activity together stays together, is that it?" she demanded. "I'm pretty sure that's not the saying!"

"I'll show you how it's done since it would be your first. I'd be honored to take your viriginity," he said.

Joss couldn't help the bubble of laughter at that. "You're a terrible influence. I never used to break the law you know."

"So I take it as a yes, you'll break in with me?" he asked happily as he opened the car door.

Joss rolled her eyes as she followed suit. "Well you can't have all the fun," she muttered and he grinned largely, dazzling her with one of his rare smiles, sliding an arm around her waist as they nonchalantly walked towards the warehouse from across the street. "Besides I want to see what these bastards have!"

* * *

AN: I know I'm taking down HR much quicker than the show but I didn't like how the show went about it, aside from Joss Carter's death that never should have happened, because I felt like HR skated by much longer than they should have. Joss Carter is beast and would have put 2 and 2 together if they would have devoted any time to her character but then Nolan didn't want to illustrate just how badass/intelligent Joss was when you have Catwoman to cram down our throats *rolls eyes*

Thanks for reading!


	50. Chapter 50

_**AN: Sorry about the length there wasn't really any good spot to split it up.**_

* * *

Both she and John went to bed late last night, only getting an hour or so of rest after rescuing Elias and managing to gather information and evidence against Quinn and HR. It was clear Alonzo Quinn was the head of HR which made sense. He was the political advisor and stuck around a lot longer than mayors did. As he said in his own words last night: politicians come and go but they had the real power. But not for long, he was going to be seeing a nice orange jumpsuit; she was going to see to that personally.

Currently Joss was on the rooftop across the street from Quinn's office waiting for the time when he learned the fact that all his money and drugs that were in the warehouse were taken. After John had talked her into breaking and entering the warehouse they had done exactly that. John took picture after picture of the unmarked bills, drugs, and guns that were inside the warehouse. It would be enough to get them on multiple felonies, along with the recordings to get them on conspiracy to commit murder. They just needed to get them to hang themselves with their own noose about Szymanski's homicide. They had to get them for Szymanski's family. Simmons looked too loyal to Quinn to rat him out but Terney didn't. Terney was a rat and in it for only himself. He would squeal with the right leverage and she would find it; Joss wasn't a top interrogator back in her day for nothing.

Once they had gathered enough evidence at the warehouse last night John called Shaw in for backup and asked her to 'get' an empty semi-truck. She did. They loaded it up with as much money, drugs, and guns that they could take. It was the bulk of it, leaving the warehouse barren which was a lovely sight. They took at least five million dollars and the drugs alone could fetch them somewhere in the three million range. Joss chose to not to ask Shaw how she acquired the empty semi-truck, feeling she was better off not knowing. The young operative looked awfully excited about pilfering the dirty money, guns, and drugs from HR. And Joss didn't miss the brunette's eyes caressing several of the guns. It wouldn't surprise her if some of the guns didn't make it in police hands once this was all over.

Their plan was simple: Joss was to watch Quinn from afar and when he received the inevitable phone call that their honey hole was gutted, she'd call John. HR would suspect it was the man-in-the-suit and that was exactly how John wanted it to play out. Joss, however, was dead set against it because Simmons vow echoed through her mind. No doubt if Simmons could get a shot on John he would take it. But John didn't seem to care about his own well-being but then what else was new; she would always care more about it for him than he ever would. She was trying to learn to accept that fact. But John was going to call to arrange a meeting with them for their cash, drugs, and guns back if they broke their new alliance with the Russians. It was pretty flimsy if you asked her, but John seemed confident that he could pull it off; claiming he coerced others with far less to work with.

Joss perked up when Quinn's cell rang. She leaned forward and listened.

"Hello," Quinn answered.

"Boss, we have a problem." Simmons stated angrily.

"What sort of problem?—I already talked to Mr. Yugorov and assured him that last night was a fluke. He seems pretty angry at the man-in-the-suit himself," Quinn acknowledged.

"Not that! Our warehouse was raided. Money's mostly all gone, the guns are completely ransacked, and at least three-fourths of our drugs are missing too."

Joss smirked as she watched through her binoculars; Quinn standing up, nearly sending his chair to the floor in shock. "WHAT?!" he demanded angrily before quietening. "Is it that vigilante again?"

"It has to be! There is no one else that would dare to do this!"

"Find him; force him to hand over our merchandise and when he does, kill him. He should have been taken care of a long time ago. Do not mess this up, Simmons," Quinn ordered before he ended the call and smacked his lamp right off his desk in a fit of rage, causing it to break into pieces.

Joss felt a wave of pleasure at his anger. It didn't begin to make up for all the hell this man had caused or bring justice for what had happened to Szymanski. But it was a start. She lowered the binoculars as his secretary rushed in and she ended the force-pair to call John immediately. John answered after a ring.

"Quinn knows," she said in way of greeting.

"Alright, I'll call and set up a meeting with Simmons."

"And I'm coming with you," she tacked on after he finished.

"No you're not," John countered.

"The hell I'm not! HR gunned down a friend of mine and now you have a giant bullseye on your back because they think you are the only one ballsy enough to waltz right into their place and steal from them!"

"You and Shaw were pretty ballsy too," he purred.

She ignored his attempt at adding humor. "You do this, I do it too," she continued.

"Joss, they hate you."

"And like they don't hate you?—they might hate me, but they loathe you. John, absolutely not are you doing this alone. And don't you think Lionel isn't going to want to help. He wants to get them too. Once we get Quinn, once we get the head, the body slowly dies. All the low level players will scatter and will be easy to roundup."

He was quiet for a few moments before he finally said, "Alright, you can be there. But you have to wear a Kevlar vest, its military grade, and one of the best."

"You do too."

"We all are. Shaw wants in on it since there is no new number to work. She hopes she can shoot some dirty cop's kneecaps," he said with a sigh, sounding like he had to listen to her complain. She smiled. "I have to go, Joss; I need to set up this meeting."

"See you soon," she said and then hung up. They were close, she could feel it.

* * *

Simmons was angry. Being an officer was perfect to be out of the precinct and off the grid while on the clock. He checked with some low level members in HR but no one heard of where the pain in the ass could be. Not that he figured they would, the guy in the suit just materialized out of nowhere to cause them problems, but he had to try. He checked security footage from the surrounding area of the warehouse and nothing. The guy must know where all the cameras were in the city, so he could stay in the shadows and not have anyone see his face.

He tugged his phone out when it began to shrill noisily in his pocket. Simmons frowned when it wasn't the boss's number. Simmons slowly answered it and put it to his ear. "Officer Simmons, long time, no see."

"Not long enough!" Simmons growled in response which had the other man laughing softly. "But I was wondering when you'd call or show your damn face."

"Officer, you're sending me mixed signals; first it's not been long enough and then you were waiting for my call; how am I supposed to know where we stand?" The man tsked and Simmons felt his fury grow. This guy had that innate ability.

"Who are you and what do you want? You keep sticking your nose in our business and it has now really pissed me off," Simmons snapped.

"I didn't call to talk about myself. I called to talk about what I should do with the drugs and money I took; what would your boss say or do to you if I burn it all?" he wondered softly. Simmons tightened his hand around his phone. "Ah, upset you haven't I?" Simmons whirled around, realizing he was being watched, searching for anyone that was out of place. "Not there," Simmons turned and the man laughed this time louder. "I'm not there either, but you'll be seeing me when I'm ready."

"What the hell do you want?"

The man took a moment before speaking, "Your organization wants power and money. I want neither. I merely want to clean up the city. But you're making it tough for me to do that with your new alliance with the Russians."

"So it was you that saved Elias's life?" he stated tersely. Simmons continued looking for the man-in-the-suit but didn't see anyone vaguely recognizable. He only saw the man once and that had been barely and in poor lighting.

"Officer," he drawled out each syllable, grating on Simmons's nerves. "You didn't really believe it wasn't me."

"You had a sidekick this time."

"I wouldn't necessary call the person a sidekick," the man murmured, sounding amused. "I don't want your drugs or money. Your guns are another story because they are now in my possession and possession is nine tenths of the law."

"You son of a bitch!"

The man carried on without heeding much attention to his outraged roar, "I'll tell you what Officer; you can have your drugs and money back for a price."

"And what the hell is the price?" Simmons demanded.

"It's simple; you might be able to get your goods back if you call in a meeting with your boss, Quinn, so we can have a little one on one chat."

Simmons stiffened. "Forget it," he snapped.

The bastard had the audacity to laugh. "You do not make the decisions Officer, now do you?—I don't do business with people who aren't in charge," the man said condescendingly.

"When I get the chance you're dead," Simmons guaranteed.

"I've heard that before…."

Simmons scanned the park. "Well this time it's a damn promise that I intend to keep."

"Be a good little lackey and call your boss to arrange a meeting. Call me back on this number and tell Quinn he comes alone or I'll be in a very bad mood. And you don't want me in a bad mood because your boss and everyone in HR will wish they never were born," he promised. "Tell him to make up his mind quickly; or his drugs and cash might just go up in smoke." And with that the man hung up.

Simmons angrily rubbed a hand through his short hair as he immediately dialed Quinn's number and he answered instantly. "We have a big fucking problem, boss," Simmons growled.

* * *

Joss drove with Fusco beside her. "So what's with the cloak and dagger stuff, Carter?" he wondered as she drove quietly.

She looked at him quickly before focusing on the road. "Can't talk at the precinct, there are too many listening ears there. But last night John and I found out who the head of HR is," she said finally.

"You did?" Fusco asked incredulously.

"We did. It's Quinn."

"Wait…the guy that was wounded in the gun down of Szymanski and the ADA woman?" Fusco murmured, blown away by the revealed information.

"Yea, him; Quinn is the puppeteer alright, pulling all the strings. I knew the head of HR would never be on some damn ledger. John and I learned the truth thanks to you actually, with your comments about Terney. You were right, Fusco, Terney is dirty, along with his lacking in desire to solve the Szymanski case, and the fact that Quinn's statement sounded off. John and I staked out Quinn after we rescued Elias and he met with Simmons."

Fusco blinked. Where the hell was he when all this took place? "You saved Elias?"

"Yes…."

"From what?"

Joss sighed. "From a hit put out on him from HR," she answered.

"When?" he demanded.

"Last night," she supplied patiently.

"But I thought you staked out Quinn and found out he was the head of HR?" Lionel said.

"We did. It was a long day and night and not at all in a fun way!" Joss said annoyed.

Fusco made a face. "Okay, do not talk about you and the big guy's love life. I don't think my weak constitution could handle it."

She snorted in response to that. "I don't kiss and tell," she reassured softly.

Lionel merely nodded, secretly happy for his partner and Mr. Stormy. They clicked; and he considered the big guy as a friend even if Reese didn't reciprocate yet. He was still working on him; surely he could wear wonder-boy down eventually. Lionel didn't call himself The Fuscinator for nothing! "So where are you taking me?—you passed my favorite falafel place," he wondered.

She flashed him a chagrin look before admitting; "We're not getting food."

"We're not. I should have known this was a setup, you hate falafels!" Fusco griped.

"First off I don't hate them; I just don't live on or wear them like you do." Joss insisted.

"Hey!"

"Lionel, you always have falafel stains on your ties." she said in exasperation. Lionel thought for a moment before conceding to that fact. "But secondly; I'm sorry and I promise to make it up to you. We have a meeting with Quinn and John needs backup."

That perked him up. "We're going to get them?"

"Yea, we are," Joss agreed.

Lionel liked that. "So where are we going?—we headed to the meeting?"

"We will, but not yet. The meeting is in the evening just at nightfall at one of the small empty lots near the Hudson River. First we need to get Kevlar vests on to be ready for HR. John instructed Simmons to make Quinn come alone but to get Quinn to meet with John at all; John had to agree to someone that came with him. And that won't be all, we both know they'll have more loyal HR members there hiding for backup. Both Terney and Simmons were noticeably absent from the precinct," she stated.

Fusco frowned. "Yea, heard Terney took a sick day because he injured his shoulder in a freak accident."

Joss snorted. "Yea his shoulder met a bullet." she agreed as she pulled them to a stop. They'd have to walk the rest of the way to the library. "But I think Terney is going to go with Quinn for the meeting. That means Simmons is going to be waiting around as backup and he's got it in his craw to kill the man-in-the-suit. But John will have his own backup in us," she said as she pulled to a stop. They'd have to walk the rest of the way to the library.

"Damn straight, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deranged isn't going alone. We all have our own beefs with HR!" he said vehemently as they climbed out of her car. "So where are we headed?"

"To our friends' HQ,"

Lionel grinned as he walked beside her. "So I'm finally privy to learn where their batcave is?" he said in surprise. Although did he really want to know where Moe, Larry, and Curly holed up at?

"Yes, but you tell anyone and I'll have to shoot you," Joss teased cheekily.

They arrived at the entrance to the rundown and near crumbling library and Fusco eyed the place with a shake of his head. "I should have known that Einstein would choose their HQ as a rundown and abandoned library," he muttered with a short humorless laugh.

Joss laughed gently. "Yea, and they run on generators and everything," she included.

"Glasses is so far off the grid he's back on it," Fusco muttered before watching her unlock the door. "You even got a key."

She eyed with him side-long. "One of the perks of sleeping with one of the ones hiding out here," she couldn't resist the urge to torment her friend just a little.

Fusco glared at her. "Do I seriously need to put my hands over my ears and act like my kid when he was eight, Carter?"

She just laughed in answer before opening the door and they entered. They climbed the stairs before walking down the long corridor to find the gate with the padlock was open. They walked up to the hub of the action where John was pacing like a caged animal, Shaw was eating, and Finch was typing away at a computer. Bear was in his doggie bed and his head immediately popped up at the sight of them, wagged his tail, and trotted over to them.

"Hey Bear," Joss murmured as she pet the dog on the head.

Lionel tried to hate this dog for reminding him of Leon Tao, but couldn't. He reached down, petting the dog with a smile, before looking up just in time to have a vest thrown his way. "Thanks dwarf," he commented, annoyed as Shaw smirked.

"Call me that again and we'll test out how many bullets that Kevlar vest can withstand," Shaw said lethally. Fusco nodded in defeat as he began tugging his suit blazer off and undoing the buttons on his shirt so he could tug on the vest.

John watched as Joss undid her pantsuit blazer and blouse, tugging them off to stand in just her bra and pants. Shaw's and Finch's eyes widened while Finch turned in embarrassment, Shaw continued to gawk. John growled as he stepped in front of her.

Joss glanced up and then smiled as he stared at her breasts with a lusty gaze. "Only you would get randy at a time like this," she purred.

"La, la, la, la, la, la, la…" Fusco sang loudly as he was tugging on his vest.

Joss ignored their friend as she tugged on the bulletproof vest before grabbing her blouse. "You were indecent and Shaw was eyeing you. You're mine," he growled as he crowded her personal space which was all right by her. Joss smiled dreamily at that as she stared up into his glittering blue eyes that were dark with desire at her body while jealousy twisted his features.

"Thanks, Shaw, for the assist!" Joss called out, looking at Shaw from around him.

"Any time, Carter," Shaw answered.

John growled under his breath and Joss giggled in response. She glanced over at poor Harold who was still trying to avoid any glance her way for fear that she was indecent still. He was so sweet and she took pity on him. "You can turn around Harold, I'm dressed." she assured him as she flicked her hair over the collar of her blouse before grabbing her pantsuit blazer once more. It was a little bulky but no one would ever know that she had a vest on which was how they wanted it. If HR thought shots to center mass was viable, they'd take it, because it was far easier aiming for center mass than taking headshots.

Harold turned and was relieved to see everyone redressed. "Thank you, detective, now that you four are fully prepared…" he began but was interrupted by Shaw.

"We're not fully prepared, not yet," she countered as she giddily hopped to her feet and nearly ran to a side-room that Joss didn't even realize existed. When the small operative came back she came with a large duffel bag and carrying a RPG-7. It was nearly as big as she was.

Shaw set the duffel bag on Finch's table and unzipped it in front of Harold. Lionel and she both oohed at the variety of assault rifles in it. But poor Finch, his eyes bugged out of his head and he had hurried to get space between him and the guns.

John leaned close to Joss as she peered into the bag. "He's already chastised me for trying to clean the sniper rifle in front of him," he murmured gently.

Joss looked up into his laughing eyes wanting to press John's buttons. "I'd be happy to clean your gun, John," she murmured seductively and earned the desired look on John's face: hunger. His eyes went from laughing to smoky in two seconds flat.

"Well there goes my appetite," Lionel complained with a glower thrown her way.

"I call shotgun on the RPG-7!" Shaw announced, uncaring if Reese and Carter were about ten seconds from going to find an empty room to bang or not. She was using the damn RPG-7.

Joss shrugged. "I'm all in for the sniper rifle," she said as she grabbed it, lifting it to peer down through the sights. "Yep, nothing like a big gun in my hands," she added just for John's sake. She didn't miss his soft groan as she snickered to herself. John was so damn easy.

Fusco made a face at them as clearly Carter was talking about Mr. Fabulous' wonder-stick before looking at his options; grenade launcher or assault rifle? "Since the toy soldier took the RPG-7 and Carter took the sniper rifle I'm going to go with this," Lionel said, picking up John's Sig Sauer PM400 Elite that he got from Joss for his birthday.

"Good choice, Lionel," John said sincerely, ignoring Joss completely as she stroked the sniper rifle to just egg him on as he felt his body respond to her suggestive movements. "We need high power, don't forget the extended mags." he instructed roughly before positioning his favored Sig Sauer P226 at the back of his pants.

"You need more than that, John!" Joss argued as she dropped her little game and got serious.

"It's all I need. I have you guys as backup."

Joss fought for patience. "That's why you need more than a handgun. Quinn isn't going to come alone and Simmons is going to make sure there is like an army of dirty cops to get the man in the suit. He wants you dead, John!"

He shrugged. "They won't kill me. Not when they need me to tell them where their goods are," he assured her.

"Well that's reassuring; you'll be alive but barely," she snapped.

Fusco could smell an argument flourishing between these two from a mile away. He didn't know which he preferred: them arguing or making eyes at each other. Reese and Carter fought hard but it appeared to be a type of foreplay for them, because they made up harder. He wished it had been this way for him and his ex, then maybe they'd still be married since they fought all the damn time.

"So what's the plan, wonder-boy?" Lionel demanded before the two got carried away with them right there. He was not willing to watch these two go at it like two sex-starved teenagers because they got hot and bothered from their little tit-to-tat.

John looked relieved to cease the blossoming argument. "Simple: I go in, meet with Quinn get him to admit to the murder of Szymanski while Harold records it. Quinn isn't going to show up without extra backup as we all know; which is why you guys will be there to make sure I leave with the same amount of holes I have currently," he said as if it was as easy as baking a pie.

Lionel glanced at Carter. "And you agreed to this plan?"

"Hell no, neither did Finch because it's the worse plan in the history of planning. But getting John to hear reason is an impossible feat," she said scathingly. Fusco watched as the bane of his existence merely shrugged which seemed to only serve to fuel Carter's ire because her eyes darkened in anger. "Damn it, John, you're well-being matters to me!"

"They already know it was me. Let them come after me. They know a little about Shaw, but they don't know that you and Lionel will be there too. It will work out fine."

"It better work out fine because so help me, John, if you get hurt I'll shoot you myself!" Joss threatened.

"Way to go Carter, threaten bodily harm if he receives bodily harm…to wonder-boy that's like telling him you love him," Lionel said under his breath for Carter's ears only because Mr. Sunshine was finished with their discussion and pulled the dwarf over to speak to her quietly.

Joss glanced at her friend. "That's because I do," she whispered before turning her gaze onto John who wasn't aware of what was just said. Fusco eyed her in surprise before looking at Reese and got a determined expression.

* * *

Shaw, Fusco, Joss, and John split up. If they figured correctly then HR was going to be watching the meeting from stationary points. Shaw was taking North, Joss took South, while Fusco took East because facing West was the Hudson River; unless they chartered a boat they didn't have to worry about anyone from there.

" _I got eyes on one_." Shaw whispered over the connection. " _He's actually in the prime position I would be in. HR is good but we're better. I'll take him out_ ,"she murmured.

Joss agreed because as she walked through the door on the rooftop she found two men with their backs to her; one holding a sniper rifle trained down where the meeting was going to take place and the other holding a scope. Joss didn't say a word as she crept towards them and tugged out Shaw's Nano and fired at their kneecaps. The moment they fell to the ground was when she immediately removed their phones and yanking one man's hands behind his back for her handcuffs and used a zip-tie for the other man's hands.

"You're not shooting the man I love, sorry," she stated before setting up her sniper rifle. Joss looked down through the sights and saw Quinn waiting with the weasel, Terney. Joss swallowed hard, wishing she could hear what they were saying but knew that Fusco was much closer so he could force-pair with Terney's phone. John was on his way and once he got there that's when he would connect with them. "What are they saying Fusco?" she asked.

" _Nothing you want to know_." he responded gently.

Joss felt her lips thin, knowing what it was without Lionel needing to say it; John was a dead man after they got their goods back. "Has anyone seen Simmons?" she asked focusing on the task at hand.

" _No, not as of yet_ ," Shaw answered.

Joss nodded and watched silently, waiting. But while they waited for the meeting to happen; Joss's ears picked up a faint sound. It sounded like footsteps. She turned to look at the door that led up to the rooftop of this five story office building. She narrowed her eyes on it before she lifted the sniper rifle up and rushed to go hide behind one of the giant rusted air conditioners just as the door opened. She saw Simmons appear.

"Guys I got some company in the form of Simmons." she whispered as she tugged the Nano out.

* * *

John climbed out of the car at the designated time and location. He strode unhurriedly. "Is everyone in position?" he asked as he connected with the others.

" _We are but Carter's got a little trouble_ ," Shaw replied.

John stiffened as he stopped in his tracks. "What kind of trouble?"

" _Simmons must have figured you'd bring back up and he went to check on the two morons that were on the rooftop on the Southside of the park where Carter's at_."

" _I'll go help her, wonder-boy, but then you'd be without…_ " Lionel begun though he trailed off leaving the rest of unspoken.

"Go, forget about me, go to Joss," he instructed.

" _Don't you dare, Fusco_ ," Joss hissed quietly over the connection, reminding them that she was very much connected to the call.

"He's going," John countered. "Aren't you Lionel?"

" _Sorry Carter, I know that tone, it's his: I'll kill you if you don't do as I say, tone. And wonder-boy is scarier than you_ ," Fusco assured her.

Joss cursed and with knowing Lionel was on his way to go help Joss, John continued to the meeting. He trusted Lionel to protect Joss and if he didn't the world was going to burn.

John walked up to the pair of men standing waiting for him. John smirked at Terney. "Nice arm."

"You bastard, you did this to me!—you and your sidekick!" Terney cried.

Quinn held his hand up to quiet the man's whining. "Enough Terney, our friend here wanted to meet with me and I want to hear what he has to say."

John tilted his head as he glanced at Quinn. "Alonzo Quinn."

"You have the advantage, you seem to know my name and who I am but I don't know anything about you."

John shrugged. "I'm a guy that doesn't like people that bully others, and you sir, you are the biggest bully on the block. When setting up a good cop like Szymanski to be dirty because you want to form an alliance with the Russians doesn't succeed then you resort to having Szymanski and the assistant district attorney murdered. Those are the type of people that I do not think belong in this city."

"Szymanski was an obstacle and I eliminate obstacles in the way of my power," Quinn asserted.

"Are you alluding to the fact that I'm an obstacle for your criminal organization, Mr. Quinn?"

"We run this city, we have the real power. You are just one man. We will dispose of you just as we disposed of Szymanski."

He smiled, knowing Finch was recording all of this. "I am just one man that stole all your money and drugs," he agreed.

"You did and we want it back."

John nodded. "I am sure of that but I want something in return," he murmured. John tried to focus on the conversation at hand but he could hear Joss and Lionel talking over the connection. He nearly broke concentration when he heard Joss try to advise Lionel to stay with him. He curled his hands into fists wanting to bark orders at Lionel until he relaxed when he heard Fusco state he wasn't leaving her alone.

Quinn grinned as he saw his loyal HR members creeping up behind this man in the suit, with guns trained on him. "I'm not sure you're in the position to make demands," Quinn stated.

John turned to look behind him and saw five men in uniforms making their way toward him. "Hands up!" one shouted.

John turned to eye Quinn with a smile devoid of warmth as he raised his arms up. "I tried to warn Officer Simmons not piss me off. I told you to come alone and you stipulated this weak detective."

"Did you really believe I wouldn't come with backup? Now you're outnumbered and currently Simmons is searching for and will kill your sidekick, so you're going to give me my goods back and then my men are going to kill you and you will never pose as an obstacle for me again," Quinn announced triumphantly.

John cocked his brow. "Is that my only option?—give you your drugs and money back for a quick death?"

"The only option you have. I'll make sure I kill you quick like I did with Szymanski and the ADA," Terney said, feeling smug all of a sudden. They were going to finally get the man in the suit. He was finally going to meet his comeuppance.

" _Ready?_ " Shaw asked.

John shook his head. "Actually I have another option, Quinn," he said as a way to give Shaw the all go.

"Oh, pray tell, what is it?" Quinn wondered with his hands clasped in front of him.

John just smiled right before a loud booming sound erupted just as something hit the SUV parked behind Quinn and Terney, creating a large explosion; making everyone duck…everyone but John.

* * *

Joss stayed hidden as Simmons walked around the rooftop. "I know you're up here!" he called out. "Show your face." Joss rolled her eyes as she shifted to keep eyes on Simmons, seeing he had foregone the sniper rifle and was holding a semi-automatic handgun himself.

" _I'm coming_ ," Lionel puffed.

"Stay with John, please." she begged softly, not wanting to alert Simmons of where she was.

" _Sorry, no can do. He'll kill me for one and for two, you're my partner. Don't worry about Captain America, Carter, he's got the Black Widow to help him_ ," he reassured her.

" _Damn straight_ ," Shaw agreed.

Joss wanted to order Fusco to do as she said because she knew John would be outnumbered, especially with Lionel coming to help her with Simmons, but couldn't. Lionel wasn't going to listen to her over John.

"Simmons is positioned by the door, Lionel. Give me a heads up when you get up here so I can draw his fire," she whispered.

" _Nearly there_." he murmured. She listened to Simmons shout for her to show her face and how he was going to kill her and her family just for helping the man-in-the-suit. Joss heard Shaw and John talking right before a loud explosion sounded, just as Lionel said softly, " _I'm here_."

"Okay." Joss whispered trying to not focus on what was happening down on the ground and what was happening up here on the rooftop. Joss moved from her cover firing the Nano at Simmons hitting his shoulder which seemed to only anger him as he turned from the ledge to fire back at where the shot came from.

"YOU!" he roared as he grabbed his arm but fired at her again!

Joss hid behind the air conditioner just as the bullet hit the side of the unit, hearing the door to the rooftop open and Lionel screaming before grunts and shouts followed. Joss slid out from her position and saw Lionel and Simmons thrashing on the ground, each landing punches and kicks but neither truly gaining the real upper hand on the other. "Fusco!" she cried as she ran towards him to help.

"Help wonder-boy, I got this," Lionel assured her raggedly.

John could hear the commotion of whatever rooftop Joss was on with Lionel and Simmons, but couldn't focus on it because he had his own issues to deal with at the moment. Because he used the element of surprise from Shaw shooting the RPG into the parked SUV to his advantage, he turned and ripped one of the HR member's arm right out of the socket forcing him to drop the gun he held as was looking towards the SUV and no longer at him. The man cried out before John punched him hard in the temple before tugging him to his body to use him as a human shield as the other HR members gained their bearings and looked at him once more to fire at will at him.

" _I'm on my way Reese_ ," Shaw assured him, sounding out of breath as she ran.

He nodded as he shoved his now dead and bullet riddled human shield away and right at them, grabbing his weapon and firing at kneecaps before gasping in pain as one of the officers got a shot on him and hit him square in his vest, stealing his breath.

Joss tried to not worry as she heard gunfire and John's ragged breathing. She could breathe a little easier when she heard Shaw assure her she was on her way for John.

" _Shaw, hurry, Quinn is trying to get away_ ," John whispered hoarsely.

Joss shot a quick glance at Lionel as he fought with Simmons; both were pretty equal at the moment. Lionel had a crazed look on his face as he gained the upper hand and wrapped his hands around Simmons' throat. She watched in dismay as Simmons flipped Fusco over and gained the upper hand. Joss rushed over and lifted the sniper rifle up high and rammed the butt hard into the back of Simmons' head, knocking the man out cold.

"Thanks, Carter!" Lionel puffed as he pushed Simmons off of him, before tugging the unconscious man's hands behind his back.

"Don't mention it," she muttered as she took off to go stop Quinn. She got to the ledge of the rooftop and immediately aimed down the sights and searched for Quinn but found John. "JOHN!" she cried as he took a bullet to the chest then ducked as they aimed for his head once they realized he was wearing a bulletproof vest.

" _Joss, get Quinn_!" he barked heavily and she watched him with her heart in her throat as he proceeded to run full force directly at the three men that were still standing and tackled them.

" _I'll help Reese! Carter, get Quinn_!" Shaw growled.

Joss trusted in Shaw to be John's backup, just as John had to trust Lionel to be hers, so she found Quinn and Terney making a run for it, and she focused on Quinn's knee. "This is for Szymanski," she snarled and fired.

* * *

It had been a long damn day of taking down HR, but a good day. After she fired and got Quinn's knee, making the man fall, everything had fallen into place. She took her next shot at Terney to keep the bastard from running. Shaw had gone and helped John with the three on one he was dealing with. Thankfully John had exited the meeting with HR with the same amount of holes he had arrived with though with more bruises than he had prior. When she had seen him at the library after the long couple hours at the crime scene to help the FBI figure everything out, she had seen the large bruises from where the few bullets had hit his vest. And she refused to think about what would have happened if John hadn't had it on. During the fire fight Finch had sent the audio recording of Quinn's involvement along with all the evidence that they collected the night before to the FBI. The semi-trailer loaded with unmarked bills and drugs the man in the suit had taken, along with an unconscious Simmons was left conveniently in front of the FBI's office.

Joss had been right; Terney wasn't as loyal as Simmons. Simmons had been tight lipped and refused to give up anything but Terney sang like a canary so loudly and quickly to the FBI that she nearly laughed. He wanted a lower sentence if he testified against Quinn and Quinn, the bastard that he was, was already willing to give up the Russians if he could receive a lesser sentence. Scum, both were utter scum, not that she minded because Russians were in the process of being scrounged up themselves. FBI took her and Fusco's statement but neither confirmed the myth of the man-in-the-suit still being around, letting them think it was the new woman running around the city, and the precinct already heralded them as heroes for helping bring down the biggest criminal organization. Joss couldn't care less about that because all she cared about was getting justice for Szymanski. Agent Moss assured her that they would and that Quinn, Terney, and Simmons were going to be in prison for a very long time.

But after everything that went down with the meeting taking place during the early evening hours and the fact that it took a couple hours at the crime scene with the FBI, she missed not only lunch but dinner as well. Her stomach rumbled as it reminded her that she was starving as she entered her home. Joss quickly glanced at her watch and saw it was nine in the evening. God, it felt like it was one in the morning from everything that went down earlier. But Joss made her way into the kitchen, needing grub first, then a shower. John had promised to come over later and she was hoping he'd give her one of those amazing foot massages before she tugged him to her bedroom so she could make love to him. Without him none of this would have been possible; she was grateful he was by her side to help her bring these bastards down. At first she had wanted to handle it on her own because John had so much on his plate but she was glad he convinced her otherwise. It was much better to work as a team to get them. And now that HR was mostly handled, with only low level players running amuck and would be easy to round up, they could focus on Kara and whoever Kara worked for that wanted the machine broken down.

Joss made her way into the kitchen and saw on the refrigerator door the reminder of the date that her son was staying over for the first time overnight with his dad. The date was fast approaching. They had chosen a date in advance, that way Paul had time to prepare before Taylor came over. Joss opened up her fridge and frowned at the slim pickings. She needed to go grocery shopping since she did have a big dinner to make for Joan. Unfortunately she had to postpone it a day as she had originally planned it for today but thanks to trying to bring down HR it hadn't worked out the way she intended, but then she figured Joan didn't mind since they were cleaning up the street. Joss slid the fridge door closed after she grabbed a beer and headed for the phone to call in for pizza. Once her order was in Joss took a big gulp of beer before heading upstairs to change.

She made a quick change and hurried downstairs when she heard a knock on her door. Joss's stomach growled as she made short work of the stairs and headed to the door with cash in hand.

Joss threw the door open with a smile and froze. "Kara," she whispered.

Kara stood before her holding a box of pizza and a gun with a silencer on, trained on her. "Hello Joss, it will be fifteen fifty. And I expect a generous tip."

* * *

AN: Team machine just can't catch a darn break ;D But lots is coming your way as this story begins to wind down. Thanks for reading!


	51. Chapter 51

_**AN: Okay today is a BMTL chapter and tomorrow is a Love's in the Water chapter.**_

* * *

Kara smiled. "You have good taste in pizza. Though I prefer Italian sausage on mine instead of ham," she said casually, as if they were longtime friends and that she wasn't holding her at gunpoint. Kara motioned at her to move back to let her enter. Joss stepped back and allowed her in. Her eyes darted to her gun. "Pick it up and I paint your walls with your blood. We both know John won't survive losing you," Kara instructed and Joss was forced to be docile, because Kara was right. "Speaking of the Boy Scout, where is he?"

"Not here," Joss answered shortly as Kara looked around her place as if he was lurking in the shadows.

Kara grinned. "You're not going to forgive me over that whole: I'm going to blow you up thing?" she said with a motion of the gun for her to enter the living room.

Joss backpedaled but kept her eyes steadily on the brunette. "Yea, I sort of hold a grudge on the person that straps me with a bomb vest and arms it, leaving me only minutes to live. Call me crazy," she sneered in response.

Kara eyed her. "I guess I should apologize. I figured it was tragically romantic for you and John. I mean there John was watching as your life ticked down to seconds before his very eyes with the question of if you'd survive or not…I will take credit for the sex you two had afterwards. He was always good in bed," she rambled with a sick look that made Joss close to ramming her fist into her face, regardless of the fact that she would shoot her. But before long the look was gone and replaced with utter emptiness, and Kara plopped the box of pizza down on the coffee-table. "Go ahead and eat it, Joss, before it grows too cold."

"I'm not that hungry anymore," Joss said coldly.

Kara smirked at her as she opened the box and grabbed a slice, taking a large bite. "Mmm…see, no poison. If I was going to kill you, I'd do in a very theatrical way for John's benefit. So eat if you want."

"I'm just not hungry anymore, but I guess being held at gunpoint by a deranged psycho just does that to you," Joss sniped, making no move to grab the food. "What are you doing here?"

The brunette shrugged after she polished off more pizza, rivaling Shaw's quickness. "Well since I seemingly can't find the man in the suit by putting people's lives in danger because the machine is breaking, I had to come find his cute and spunky girlfriend instead," Kara murmured and Joss tried hard to fight the surprise that statement filled her with. Kara Stanton knew about the machine, the artificial intelligence? And her theory had been correct, Kara was placing people in danger just to look for John. John's mental state near Kara was shaky at best; Stanton was like a parasite and would inflict invisible wounds that could devastate John. John's ' _break me and destroy me, just don't leave me_ ,' from last night seared her mind and she trembled with barely suppressed anger. "John would throw himself in front of a moving bus to save you, but lucky for you, I don't want to hurt you or him unless you do something stupid. And you don't look stupid to me, Joss."

"What do you want?" Joss snapped, getting annoyed with the roundabout answers.

"I need his help."

"What do you need help with from John?" Joss wondered.

"Sorry, Joss, dear, but that's between John and me. I need to meet with him alone since we have some catching up to do. So if anyone else comes with him, people will die. Believe me when I say I will have a contingency plan set up. Give this to him," Kara said as she handed her a burner phone. "Tell him to answer it on the first ring or they'll be consequences."

"We're going to stop you, Kara, know that," Joss stated as she clutched the burner phone tight in her fist.

Kara leaned forward, their faces only inches apart. "I look forward to it. Now I must bid you a fond farewell, Joss. Remember, try anything and you die," she said before straightening and sauntering back, eyes and gun on her as she maneuvered for the door. Joss had to stand there and let her leave because if there was one thing she knew: Kara Stanton would kill her just to hurt John. The moment the brunette was gone, Joss grabbed her cell phone and tapped John's name.

He answered distractedly after a couple rings. "John, we need to meet. Kara just paid me a visit, posing as a pizza delivery man," she said quickly before he could utter a single word.

There was a noticeable pause. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"She didn't hurt you?" he asked fiercely.

"No, as I said I'm fine. But she wants me to give you something and we need to talk in private," she said.

"I'll be there in minutes," he said and with that he hung up on her.

Joss paced the length of the floor, eyes falling on the pizza box and then the burner phone in her hand. Who wanted to bet that Kara killed the poor delivery person just to be the one to deliver the pizza to her? They needed to catch Kara sooner than later. She had been ignorant. She had figured that Kara Stanton wouldn't ever brazenly come to her door such as she had. She had a son to think about. Maybe she would ask her mother to keep him for a while so that he was safe.

Her door opened and she froze but when John, Finch, and Shaw appeared in her line of vision she relaxed. "John, I'm okay," she reaffirmed as she saw the dark and stormy look that resided on his handsome face. He made short work of the gap between them and he was in front of her touching her as if he didn't fully believe her. "I'm fine," she reassured him as she reached up to trail soft fingers on his that were cupped to her face trying to calm him.

Shaw cleared her throat. "What happened?"

John stepped back with professionalism slipping back into place, as did the coldness in him, and Joss eyed all her friends. "John dropped me off here and I ordered pizza because I was hungry. When I opened the door there she stood," she explained.

Finch looked upset. "Tomorrow I will install a home security network on your home for your front and back entrance, Jocelyn, that way you can see who is at your door."

She smiled as she nodded tightly. "If that's what you want."

"It's happening," John said with a tone harsh from worry coming out abrasive, daring her to argue with him. She didn't. If this made John and Finch happy, she'd do it. Besides it protected her son while he was here until she sent him to his grandmother's.

"What did Ms. Stanton want?" Finch asked, getting them back at the topic at hand.

"Kara wants to meet with John. Alone."

"Fuck that," Shaw piped up, having mostly listened. Reese looked ready to crawl out of his skin with the thought of this Stanton broad showing up at Joss's sanctuary that housed a kid too. Shaw didn't do emotions but she recognized the look in Reese's eyes whenever he looked at Carter, it was the same look her dad used to give her mom. "Last time she was here, she strapped you with a bomb vest from my understanding. That broad isn't getting anywhere near Reese." Shaw knew one thing, it was that she liked working the numbers and she liked being around these people.

"It's fine," John countered, superseding Shaw and no one else argued. Joss learned a long time ago when to choose a battle with John and this was not one of those times. If he didn't go alone someone was going to get hurt and that was going to weigh on John's conscience. "What else did she say, Joss?" he asked.

Joss held out a burner phone. "She said to give this to you. I'm sure she's giving me a time limit. You have to answer on the first ring or there will be consequences. She wants to meet with you alone and if any of us go with you, she'll kill people."

Finch eyed John. "You can't possibly meet with her, Mr. Reese. There is no telling what she might do to you. I'm in agreement with Ms. Shaw, last time she strapped Jocelyn with a bomb vest. There is no telling what she has planned now," he said with worry for his friend. Kara Stanton was capable of heinous crimes.

"I have to Harold, innocent lives are at stake," he murmured as he held the burner phone tightly. "Knowing Kara, there is no time limit. She is doing something to someone to use as leverage to make sure I don't kill her when we meet up."

"John…"

"Joss, I'd kill her in a heartbeat," he said steadily. "She strapped you with a bomb, killed innocent people just for fun. I let her live in Ordos when I could have easily shot her in the back but I couldn't do it because I didn't believe Snow when he said she turned on us. Had I just followed orders and killed her when I had the chance all those people would be alive right now."

"No, that isn't fair. That's not fair to put everything on your shoulders, John! How the hell are you supposed to know she'd survive that missile strike and then try to take revenge on everyone while putting innocent people at risk?!" Joss demanded as she got in his face. "How John, how are you supposed to play God?"

Shaw eyed Carter, than Reese. "This Stanton doesn't know about me. I can give you backup." Shaw said. "I'll just stick in the shadows, so she doesn't know I'm there."

"You can't, Shaw, you don't understand. If Kara even gets suspicious that I'm not alone whoever she is using to keep me from killing her, is dead. I can't risk it. Too many people have already died because of me. You're good, but so is Kara," he said and stiffened as the burner phone rang. He immediately answered. "Hello," he said gruffly.

"Ah, it's so good to hear your voice again, John," Kara answered.

"Kara, where are you?"

"Answer me this: did your little girlfriend tell you everything?"

"She told me to come alone and if I don't you'll kill people," he responded forcefully.

"Such a good little girl, I didn't know you got all hot and bothered for the goody two shoes type, but it's a good thing she excels at following directions. It makes it so I don't have to rip her throat out," Kara said conversationally and John tightened his hold on the phone. "Come alone, John, we need to talk and unfortunately I just can't seem to get the man in the suit to show up for me. I have dropped body after body and still nothing. What does a girl have to do to get noticed by you John?—be mocha?"

"Where?"

"Goodwin's, you know the place where there were almost pieces of your girlfriend's body everywhere. Be here in ten minutes. They should really tighten up security, you just never know who is lurking around the corner, see you soon, John," Kara said with a smile twinging her voice.

John hung up the phone and pocketed it. He turned around and started for the door. Joss followed him and wisely Shaw and Finch left them alone. "Can't I at least know where you're going?" she asked.

"It's best that you don't know." he said as he grabbed the doorknob. "I'll be back when I can." he added as an after though and then left.

Joss swallowed hard as she watched him walk away until he disappeared from view before she closed the door and turned to go talk to Finch and Shaw. They needed to come up with a plan to get Kara Stanton.

* * *

John entered Goodwin's with a few minutes to spare. He looked around the empty factory where not long ago Joss was nearly blown up in. He hated this place seeing it in his nightmares when Finch failed to save Joss. John's eyes slid around and glanced to the back and found Kara. Every fiber in his body froze as his eyes collided with a young girl that was no more than ten years old.

"Hello lover," Kara murmured as she leaned against the back of the chair, holding the gun to the child's temple. "John this is Ashley. Ashley, this is the guy I told you that wouldn't let you down," Kara said as she patted the trembling child's shoulder.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" John asked, ignoring Kara and focused on the little girl with big brown eyes with matching hair.

"Y-Y-Yea," her voice came out weak and petrified.

He nodded before lifting his gaze from the little girl and settled his furious gaze on Kara. "Let her go. She has nothing to do with this, Kara," he commanded.

Kara grinned as John approached them. "S-S-She can't do that," Ashley whispered around a wobbly voice. "I'm her insurance."

"See, this ankle-biter here is my parrot. I've always thought kids were better seen than heard but I couldn't resist having her tell you that." Kara snickered as she petted the young girl's tear streaked cheek. "I chose a child just for you, John. We both know you are a sucker for them. But if you don't do anything stupid and do as I say, John, Ashley here can grow up into the whore she will certainly become. You have my word."

"And your word is supposed to mean anything to me?" he wondered, truly wishing he could snap Kara's neck right at the moment.

Kara looked up and eyed him. "Have I ever lied to you?—everyone I promised to kill because you didn't listen to me is dead. When you listened to what I wanted, they were saved. I never lied."

"What do you want?" he demanded, not interested in hearing about their past or her lack of accountability. Reasoning with a woman that had lost her soul long ago wasn't happening. But to save this little girl he would try anything.

"First thing, don't lose that phone I gave you. I don't want to have to go through this inconvenience again to get a hold of you. Secondly, John, I need your help."

He eyed the young girl, comfortingly giving her a smile before lifting a hard gaze onto Kara. "You killed people, came after Joss and kidnapped a child to find me to ask me for my help?" he listed her indiscretions incredulously.

Kara shrugged. "I never got your phone number. I was busy trying to blow up your girlfriend, so excuse me for letting the simple things slip my mind," she muttered before getting eye level with Ashley. "I'm sorry, this is really my fault for having to grab you, but you should tell your deadbeat parents to not let you walk home alone this late from a friend's house next time. I mean seriously you're 12 years old, any pedofile could be lurking in the shadows!"

"Let her go," he repeated. "Try to be the woman you used to be Kara, the one that used to risk her life for her country every day when you were a Marine." He tried to appeal to the Kara that used to be there at some time.

"That woman died when the agency got a hold of her, and even the woman they turned me into is dead when they tried to kill me in a missile attack!" she sneered. "The same missile attack that was going to kill you, this country doesn't give a shit about us. We fought for people like this _Ashley_ and what did we get out of it, John: a death sentence."

"Of no fault of this young girl's, Ashley didn't do anything to us, Kara," John tried to reason with her. Kara was so angry for what happened, so was he, but he had let it go during his time in the encampment after he murdered Peter for taking Jessica away from him. Drinking himself to death had been his preference until Joss Carter stormed into his life.

"No, she didn't, she's just an unfortunate victim in this because the moment I let her go: you'll kill me for nearly blowing your girlfriend up into millions of pieces. I can't die until everyone that burned me dies first. Snow met his explosive end, next is the man that sold the laptop in the first place, which is why I need you."

"You can't find him can you?" John murmured, wondering if he could grab his gun quick enough before Kara had a chance to shoot the child. He didn't think he could, Kara had quick reflexes, but maybe he could get a jump on Kara instead.

She made a face. "It's like the bastard doesn't exist. But then I realized something: you pose as the boring do-gooder which needs a bankroller, so you must be working for someone that has unlimited resources and knowledge," she acknowledged.

"Who is it that you're looking for?" he asked as he tried to slowly approach Ashley without Kara noticing.

"Stop moving, John, or the girl dies with a bullet in the back of the head," Kara snapped and John immediately froze. Kara rested the barrel of the gun on the little girl's shoulder. "His name is Harold Finch."

John kept a blank face, not betraying the fact that he was surprised to hear Harold's name. "Who gave you that name?"

"The irritating know-it-all, Greer, that runs Decima Technologies that saved me in Ordos. Which reminds me, when I see him again I'm killing him too. He held me against my will for months until he offered me the name of the man that sold the laptop if I helped him upload the virus into the machine," Kara growled out with a hateful look. "An eye for an eye, now that our business together is finished I can kill him. But he's last on my list. I have bigger fish to fry and that's where you come in."

He shook his head. "You want me to help get you revenge on people that tried to kill us? We were dead before this Finch man ever sold the laptop, Kara. That laptop was the same laptop we were supposed to retrieve during the Daniel Casey fiasco. Do you really think they'll allow us to make mistakes without a steep penalty." he pressed.

"It wasn't our fault!" Kara roared bitterly, pushing the barrel of her gun deep into the little girl's shoulder. John watched helplessly as she cried out in pain but quieted immediately out of fear.

"No it wasn't. That mysterious security detail was at fault, but it doesn't change the outcome. We were burned Kara, getting revenge won't change that fact," John said. He had a feeling since working with Harold that he knew exactly who the security detail worked for. Most likely Harold had tried to use someone else before he looked for a morally friendly cop and it hadn't gone on the way Harold had wanted.

"So you're telling me, no, you won't ask your bankroller to help a friend?"

John eyed her. "No, you strapped Joss with a bomb vest, killed innocent people, and kidnapped an innocent child."

"John, telling me 'no' isn't in your best interests," Kara suggested.

"I won't help you hurt anyone ever again."

Kara stared at him. "Okay I get it: you need some time to think it over. I won't pressure you but we both know you'll be helping me, because the Boy Scout inside you will do anything to protect people."

"Let the child go, kill me instead."

Kara shook her head. "Noble as always but I can't do that, John. You're a means to an end, but I'll give you the first one free for old time's sake, next one won't be, so I suggest you change your mind the next time I come calling!" Kara promised raising her gun, leveling it on him, and firing. John jerked as the bullet hit him in his left arm and he grunted in pain.

The little girl shrieked, terrified, and he tore off running to protect the little girl, who was shaking like a leaf, from any possible gunfire as Kara turned and ran for the exit.

John got behind the child, noting with relief she wasn't strapped with a bomb anywhere, before squatting down with his knife tugged out, and cut the binds on her hands. The little girl shot out of the chair turned and hugged him. His ears listened for any additional gunshots but didn't hear any. He was torn between running after Kara and remaining here to soothe the sobbing child. Ultimately his need to care for the child overrode anything else.

John held her as she sobbed into his neck. "It's going to be okay, Ashley, I'm going to call someone that you can trust to take you home to your parents."

"Okay," was the tiny muffled answer he received in response, John tugged his phone out and found Fusco's name.

"What do you want wonder-boy? I don't have time to clean up your mess tonight, there's an Amber Alert for an Ashley Sutton because we have some nut-job that abducted the little girl by gunpoint in front of witnesses! And from the sound of it, it's the nutty bar that strapped my partner with a bomb vest that did it!" Fusco griped in agitation.

"I found the girl. Hurry to Goodwin's to pick her up, you're the only cop I'd trust besides Joss to pick her up to take her home," he said softly ignoring the throbbing pain in his arm as he tried to rub the little girl's back to comfort her.

"I'll be there in a jiff to get the little one."

John hung up. "Someone is on his way to take you to your parents, Ashley," he promised. Once Lionel got here to take care of little Ashley, he was going to go talk with Finch because he had some explaining to do.

* * *

"I'm alright," John whispered as Joss fussed with him while Shaw sutured his arm. "And knowing that Fusco took Ashley home safely to her parents, I feel better."

"John you need stitches!" Joss snapped in concerned relief as she motioned to Shaw who was seated beside him on her couch, focused on her work. When John walked back into her place, bleeding from a gunshot wound, her heart had been in her throat. And then when he told her about the little girl, she was blind with rage with Kara Stanton.

"Reese will be okay Carter. He'll be sore and it will hurt like a bitch, but it didn't hit anything serious," Shaw muttered as she was finishing up her stitch job. "As long as he doesn't fuck my stitches up and lets it heal, he'll be good as new. You're ambidextrous, aren't you," Shaw demanded and when John nodded she continued. "Use your other hand then."

"What did Ms. Stanton want?" Harold asked.

John glanced at Finch. "She wants my help to find the man that sold the laptop that got us burned, she wants my help to find you, Finch." John said and silence filled her place. Joss and Shaw shared a look before Shaw got to her feet.

"Well, I'm finished. I think I'll leave you two to talk and go see if I can get any leads on where Kara might be lurking," Shaw muttered.

Joss felt the tension in the air. She didn't want to leave, wanted to support both these men but felt that this needed to be a private conversation. "I need to head to the grocery store and pick up a few things for our dinner tomorrow night. I'll be back," Joss said.

John grabbed her hand with his good one. "Don't go alone. Take Shaw with you."

"Are you out of your mind?" Shaw demanded.

"I don't need a babysitter, John. I can go to the store by myself," she stated firmly, not about to budge on this. She wasn't letting that crazy woman take away her independence. "I'll be back and maybe then we can order some new pizza," she said gently. The door to her place opened and Taylor walked in.

"Hey…what happened?" Taylor asked as he eyed the full room before his eyes fell on John who was busy tugging his shirt on. Taylor didn't miss the bandaged arm. "You're hurt, John!"

"I'm fine, Taylor," John said. Joss thinned her lips from pointing out that he was shot which suggested he was not fine.

"Taylor, we need to go to the store. I'll explain everything on the way," Joss suggested. Her boy nodded and gave John one last worried glance before dropping his book bag down and they filed out of her home to give John and Finch privacy with Shaw leading the way.

Finch watched as the two women and Taylor beat a hasty retreat to try to give them some privacy. John sat and grimaced in pain but his eyes were on him and waiting for an explanation. "I'm sorry, John. It's true the laptop being in Ordos is my fault. Before Jocelyn found you and before I found a morally conscious detective I had a previous employee, much like what you and Ms. Shaw do now for me. However he was not as morally conscious, he was more interested in the paycheck I supplied him with," Finch started his explanation.

"That laptop was the Daniel Casey case isn't it?—Kara and I lost a laptop, the higher-ups were pissed but we ran into a private security detail, that man was employed by you, wasn't he?" John said.

"Yes, the machine gave us Mr. Casey's number. I recognized you, you were CIA. I didn't realize the scope of Casey's problems until I saw the laptop and what was on it."

"So you knew me even before then?"

"Yes."

"Will you ever tell me when I came on your radar?" John demanded.

"It's irrelevant," Finch said succinctly.

"Maybe to you," John said bitterly. "But it isn't to me. Damn it Finch, just level with me."

"Mr. Reese, you know I'm a private man."

John shook his head. "You always say that when you don't wish to answer a question. Are you going to tell me selling the laptop is your privacy too?" he snapped. He just wanted to understand and Finch held all the answers and didn't seem to want to share.

Harold swallowed hard. "No, of course not, John, I know that you being sent to Ordos changed your life irrevocably. It led to you not being able to reach Jessica in time."

John stared at him. "Finch let me clear something up for you up. My life changed irrevocably when I didn't open my mouth in an airport when I ran into Jessica in 2006. My life changed then. You had nothing to do with that or with her marrying Arndt," he said softly. That was most certainly was his fault, not Finch's.

"While I appreciate your attempt at relieving me of my guilt for causing you pain, John, it doesn't change the simple fact that had I not interfered with the Casey case, you wouldn't have been burned. You wouldn't have been sent to Ordos while the woman you loved was going to be murdered by her abusive husband," Finch persisted. "I had no way of knowing that you had already realized that Daniel Casey was not a traitor and you weren't going to kill him. I didn't realize the enormity of my blunder until I received your number a couple of weeks later."

"You received my number?"

Harold nodded. "I received yours and Stanton's first, then Jessica's, and then the machine reissued your number along with Peter Arndt's. I tracked you down in New Rochelle but lost you again as you left the hospital after finding out about Jessica. I knew I couldn't keep up with you or stop you."

"Did you try to save her?" he asked gently. Finch hadn't told him if Jessica's number was one of the ones that were repeats. He wondered if he would answer this.

Harold looked John in the eyes. "Yes, John, I tried to save her. Nathan tried to save her too. You once asked me if her number was one that came up again and again. When you asked me the first time I didn't believe you were in the right place emotionally to hear the answer but now it seems different. You deserve to know the answer: Jessica Arndt's number came up more than a few times whenever Peter got upset or plotted new ways of paying back his loan sharks. He took out his frustrations on her."

John swallowed hard and nodded. "Thank you for telling me."

"Of course, John, you deserve to know the truth of what happened during that time. So I am going to tell you everything," Harold agreed.

"Alright,"

"You always knew Daniel Casey wasn't who you thought he was, which is why you let him escape. Daniel Casey was on a tiger team which companies use to test their security systems for weaknesses, which the teams can find hacking in themselves," Finch began.

"So Daniel Casey was a hacker like you?" John murmured.

"Yes, Casey infiltrated numerous companies over the years and that was what we, Mr. Dillinger and I, first thought were the reason for why his number was up. That Mr. Casey saw something that a company didn't want him to see and that they were going to kill him to keep him quiet. Until Dillinger made you and Kara, along with that mysterious group that we now know was Decima Technologies, then I knew it was something far worse than we first imagined. When Mr. Dillinger was able to bring him to me in the library was when I learned just how bad off Mr. Casey was," Finch explained the twisted tale.

"Why?"

"Mr. Casey had received a call from someone in the government that wanted him and a few select others to test a secret system of theirs for weaknesses," he murmured.

John blinked in surprise. "The Machine…"

"Yes, however the government wanted Casey to show them how to break into the machine not to just merely test it for weaknesses, and Mr. Casey found a backdoor in the machine."

"The same backdoor you built to access the irrelevant numbers?" John asked as he began relaxing now that Harold was finally telling him the truth.

Finch noticed John's relaxing features and wished he had just found the nerve to do this sooner. Jocelyn was correct, John just wanted the truth. "Yes. Mr. Casey managed to get a few bits of code before the machine realized he was in the system and locked him out. He put those bits of code onto the laptop, the very laptop you were to retrieve. Mr. Casey began to doubt the government's reasons and asked to be finished with the assignment," Finch explained.

John shook his head. "From the numbers we have worked that have come into contact with the machine, the government wasn't just going to let him walk away from it," John supplied softly.

"No they don't. Casey was going to be killed and only managed to barely escape with the laptop after a car accident occurred."

"And that's when he was given to Kara and me, guilty of treason," John murmured.

"Precisely Mr. Reese, while Mr. Casey was with me I took the liberty to tweak the code," Finch went on.

John furrowed his brows. "Tweak the code?"

"I adapted the code of the machine to include a virus. I designed the machine to accept alterations to its programming only in a response to an attack. I knew sooner or later that someone would try to take it over, but I didn't know who so I made sure that when they did they'd do it with my code."

John stared at Harold. "So when you had that laptop you hid a virus within the code?"

Finch shrugged. "I realized that the people Nathan and I had entrusted the machine to were the wrong people, that the only way to protect the machine was teach it to protect itself. I had arranged for a sale of the laptop with the adapted code on the dark net knowing that the people after Casey, were more after the laptop. Then I was going to get him a different name and hide him from the CIA until Mr. Dillinger betrayed me. He was the man that sold it to the Chinese, under my name," he said, finishing the tale that John deserved to know much sooner than now.

John sat there silently, digesting everything Finch told him. "Thank you Harold for finally telling me everything," he said gruffly.

Finch nodded. "I'm sorry it took me this long to tell you, John. I should have told you sooner," he admitted and John merely nodded his head in agreement.

"We need to figure out what to do with Kara because she wants to find you Harold. And she won't stop. And she won't care about anything you have to say."

"Maybe you should give me to her. This needs to end, John. We need to only concentrate on this Decima Technologies who Jocelyn said she worked for, who wants to get full administrational access. We can't let that happen but I doubt we'll be able to focus on them if Kara Stanton is running loose," Finch said resolutely.

John shook his head. "No, she'll kill you after she tortures you. Giving you to her is out of the question. Just because I understand what happened doesn't mean she will care. Even if she believes you about Dillinger being the one to sell it to the Chinese, she'll still want to kill you for getting in the way of that case which was why we were burned. I won't let that happen." That wasn't an option. Kara would take great delight in killing you, Finch.

"John…"

"No, there has to be another way and we'll find it, Finch," he said with a light touch to the elder man's arm. "I won't let Kara get a hold of you, she needs my help to find you so we just need a plan before she calls again."

* * *

"Taylor was worried about you," Joss murmured as they laid on her couch, snuggled into each other, his injured arm on the opposite side of where she was curled. Taylor had gone upstairs to bed after they ate some of the new pizza they ordered. She'd thrown away the other pizza. Tomorrow at some time she was going to call morgues in the city to see if a deceased pizza delivery man or woman was brought in.

John looked down at her. "I'm fine."

"Tell that to a teenage boy who has never seen you hurt before. He has a lot of questions," she said.

"I'm sure he does, he wouldn't be your son if he didn't want answers to his questions," John muttered.

Joss leaned up to look down at him. "Maybe you should tell him what it is you do."

"Joss, I can't."

"Why not?—just give him the short version without the particulars," she coaxed. Her kid wasn't stupid and he was going to seek answers one way or another.

"He knows enough."

"No I don't." John turned at the sound of Taylor's voice. He was eavesdropping on them.

Joss scrambled up in surprise having thought her boy was asleep since it was rather late. "Taylor, it's impolite to listen in on people talking!" she chided as she got to her feet, with hands on hips.

"I'm glad I did. I deserve to know, John. I'm a big boy, I can handle it. I don't need to be treated like a little kid." he stated as he rushed down the stairs and sidestepped his mom. John sat up on the couch and didn't seem surprised by the fact that he was confronting him.

"Taylor, it's better if you don't know everything."

"For you or me?" he argued.

Taylor was surprised by the half smile he got from John. "You are your mother's son."

Taylor lifted his chin. "I take that as a compliment."

"As you should," John murmured.

Taylor sat down beside him and he could see the wary look John was giving him. "John, I want to understand, please."

"I help people out of bad situations. I circumvent the traditional avenues that your mom uses to do that. What I do isn't exactly legal," he answered.

Taylor knew that was just scratching the surface of whatever it was that John truly did. But John was trying to give him some answers and, as his mom pointed out, he truly didn't need the particulars. "Is it going to kill you?"

"Taylor…" his mom started.

"It might," John answered over Joss's warning.

Taylor felt panicked. He didn't want to lose John. "Why does everyone else care more about your well-being than you do?" he demanded and Joss winced. Her boy was hitting John with the tough questions.

"Because my life is expendable and there are others such as your mom and Finch that the world needs. The world doesn't need people like me," he answered simply.

"Well you might think the world doesn't need you, but I do. My mom does too," he stated as he got to his feet. "Think about that the next time you rush head long into a fire fight!" Taylor snapped as turned and walked to the stairs and took them two at a time.

Joss watched as Taylor hurried up the stairs and closed her eyes as the door to his bedroom slammed shut. "I'll go talk to him," she murmured.

"No, it's okay Joss. He has the right to say what he feels." John said. She turned seeing John getting to his feet. "I think I should go," he said softly. He needed to go take a walk and clear his head. Taylor was attached to him and he was afraid of how attached he was to Joss and her boy.

"Why? Because my son made you face some tough questions?" she wondered. She was going to have to talk to her son about going at John's pace, not theirs, but since her kid brought it up she was going to finish it. "John your life isn't expendable," she said before she kissed him. She poured all of what she couldn't say into it because she knew he wasn't ready to hear it. She pushed back after a good few minutes of just kissing him. "It's not, now I want you to stay." she said as she let him go.

"I need to go."

"No you don't, you need to stay and be with us. Now stay," Joss countered.

John was helpless to refuse her.

* * *

AN: I do so love wacky Kara Stanton. The next few chapters, aside for one, deals with her because things are about to get crazy XD

Thanks for reading!


	52. Chapter 52

_**AN: Oops this was supposed to be posted like two days ago.**_

* * *

Her son must have forgiven John from last night because the two were thick as thieves all morning long. And when John left to go pick up Joan her boy tagged along for the ride. Joss was left alone with her thoughts and cooking, which was alright by her. She had already run it by Taylor that he had to stay with his grandmother for the time being after his overnight stay with his father. Joss had to do some fancy footwork to wiggle out of telling her son everything, but her boy was bright that he knew enough. Taylor knew it had to have something to do with John being shot and something that unnerved her. Her son agreed to it _only_ if he knew that John would be staying at her place during his absence.

Her son was damn slick at steamrolling John at staying as 'protector' for his mother, knowing for damn sure she didn't need protecting. Taylor had pulled out all the stops with his impassioned speech including: ' _my mom needs someone to watch her back and you're the only one I trust with her.'_ Not to mention he added his puppy dog eyes which nearly made Joss laugh at John's look as he turned to her for help. John didn't know the art of telling a teenager 'no' yet. She kept her mouth zipped, not assisting John in the slightest and let the two boys figure it out themselves because she would reap the rewards if John said yes, due to the fact she wanted John to live here eventually. At least this way they'd get a practice lap of living together. John, the sweet overprotective and caring man that he was, agreed and was going to stop at his place and pack a bag so he had several changes of clothes. Taylor gave her a discreet fist-bump and mischievous smirk which said all that needed to be said. Her boy set John up. Joss already cleaned out a drawer and made some space in her closet for him, more than okay with the arrangement.

Joss glanced up when she heard the front door open. Yep, that was way too soon for John and Taylor to be back with Joan. Joss exited her kitchen and sighed as she found Shaw entering the previously locked door. True to his word Finch had someone out to install home security cameras this morning on her front and back doors from a trustworthy company: his. Did he have one of every kind of company?—she made a mental note to find out just how many companies Finch owned!

Joss eyed the new finagle thing that showed her front stoop empty before eyeing Shaw with irritation. "Don't you people ever knock?"

"No," she answered simply and Joss rolled her eyes as she walked over to take Shaw's coat to be the gracious host, but was swatted away. "I can do it myself."

"Well you're the first guest since you're over two hours early," Joss muttered. "My momma would have been, but she can't make it since I had to postpone it until today. She has a date," Joss said in irritation, unsure of how she felt about the new development. Her mother had hemmed and hawed about telling her why she couldn't make it because Joss had interrogated her the moment she said no. It didn't make sense because her mother was salivating at the idea of cornering John again and when she declined coming today, Joss wanted to know why.

"Your mom is seeing someone?"

Joss frowned. "Yea, momma sounds so happy," she said slowly. Joss wanted her mother happy but she didn't want someone trying to take advantage of her or break her heart.

"How old is she?"

"My mother is in her late sixties." Joss answered with a sigh. "I know it's young but my mother never wanted to date before because no one compared to my papa."

Shaw shrugged. "Maybe she met someone that changed her mind."

"Yea," she agreed absently. "But I'm going to make her tell me his name and I'm going to have Finch do his backwater check on him! And then my mother is going to let me meet this mystery man," Joss stated fiercely; maybe she'd even drag John with her and let him scare the bejesus out of this man. Joss led Shaw to her kitchen, before opening the fridge and pulled out a beer for Shaw which she greedily took. "So why are you here so early?—no number to work." she asked, changing the subject.

Shaw snapped the can open. "Nope, the machine is acting even more erratic. I hope it gets fixed soon because I signed on to work these numbers, not sit and twiddle my thumbs. If that's the case I'm going to go search for new clues to find this Root woman so I can shoot her."

"Don't do that. From what John has said is, you need to wait for the machine to fully crash so you can protect the payphone it's going to call. We need all the help we can get so the machine doesn't fall into wrong hands, Decima hands."

"Yea, well, can it happen already. I liked working the numbers since I got to shoot some people still," Shaw said dryly before taking a sip of her beer. "My boredom is due to this Stanton broad, speaking of her: we need to do something about her."

"I know."

"I have an idea." Shaw stated.

Joss eyed her. "Let me guess: kill her?" she asked and Shaw shrugged. "Out of the question, Shaw, we aren't like her," she said turning to prep her food for the impending dinner.

Shaw eyed her profile. "Do you really think Kara belongs in prison after the things she has done?—after strapping you with a bomb vest. Do you really think Reese is just going to let her live?"

"John isn't a killer anymore, Shaw. Neither are you," Joss said simply. "You work the numbers to stop bad things from happening, not commit the same acts you are trying to stop."

"Maybe, but sometimes, there are people who you can't stop with a shot to the kneecap and I think you and I both know Kara is one of them. You're just resisting because you're a good moral person," Shaw retorted before dragging in another gulp of beer.

Joss turned away from the food she was prepping to look at Shaw. "Yes, alright I'll admit to it, yes I think that this showdown with Kara isn't going to end well. And there is a high chance that Kara will have to be killed to be stopped. But I still want to try to stop her and make her face real justice," she murmured.

Shaw shrugged. "Whatever. But we know for damn sure that she'll be coming after you to force Reese's hand. Anyone with a damn pair of eyes can see you're his weak link."

Joss side-eyed Shaw with a tight look, "Are you suggesting that if John and I weren't together that John would be a stronger man?" she asked barely above a whisper, to hide her fury from the younger woman.

"No. I'm saying Reese will be crushed if something happens to you and everyone knows it; including Stanton."

Joss felt her anger squashed at the answer Shaw gave. Good, she didn't want to pop her one. "I know. And I'm going to be ready this time." Joss agreed before going back to cooking and baking while Shaw sat trying to sneak some taste tests. 

* * *

"So your not-girlfriend told me that Richie Rich was coming to this shindig along with Batgirl." Joan muttered as she sat in the backseat of the car as John drove and Baby GQ sat in the passenger seat.

She had gratefully taken up John's offer to use his place to freshen up. She wasn't entering cop lady's place without sprucing herself up a bit. Joan had spent a little while looking over John's place and liked what she saw for the most part. Only thing it could use was a female touch and some personal effects. It was too barren. But then John had to go pack a bag and explained why which nearly made her whoop and holler in happiness until Baby GQ mouthed at her to keep silent because John didn't exactly get the significance. And while John had packed a bag, her and Baby GQ talked a bit about it:

" _John thinks it's just to protect my mom, he doesn't know that I'm pulling his leg and that I only stipulated it because they love each other, and it would give them a taste of living together," the boy admitted softly._

 _Joan grinned evilly. "You're as devious as your momma and nearly as devious as me, I like it."_

 _Taylor laughed. "Now I understand why John and my mom love you, Joan."_

She snickered to herself. John just didn't stand a chance with these two, which was good. And from what she understood John was well aware that his not-girlfriend was his damn girlfriend. It took a lot of her self-control to not tease him mercilessly but she didn't want him to know what her and Baby GQ were talking about: namely him.

Joan eyed cop lady's son who sat beside John in the passenger seat. Taylor was a sweet little thing and quite the looker. Cop lady was going to have to beat the girls off her son with a stick.

Taylor smiled as he turned around to eye the red head in the back. He liked her and the way she treated John. He could see why John and his mom cared so much about her. "Yea, Finch and Shaw are coming. Also mom's partner on the force is coming too. You two should get along quite well," Taylor said.

"Why?"

"He calls me: wonder-boy," John supplied.

Joan smiled. "Wonder-Boy, I like it! So, Baby GQ, tell me more about yourself?—of course you're smart, your cop lady's kid."

Taylor laughed. "I do okay in school. I want to do something maybe in the medical field," he admitted.

"No ass whooping like your mother?" Joan questioned with a smirk.

"Nah, I'm more a pacifist than a fighter," he explained. "And I don't think it will go over well with my dad."

"Why ever not, if being a doctor or whatever makes you happy your pops should be happy too," Joan retorted. She never understood why parents had ideas in their heads for what they wanted their kids to do. Kids had minds of their own and would do what they wanted just as the parents did when they were kids once.

Taylor eyed Joan. "Because he has always wanted me to join the Army like him and my mom, I never had the nerve to tell him I never wanted that life. Mom said she doesn't care as long as I am happy."

"It'll be okay, Taylor. You and your father are getting reacquainted with each other. He'll understand." John murmured.

Taylor eyed John. "Would you?—understand I mean, if you were my dad and you had your heart set on me joining the Army to follow in your footsteps?"

"Yes, because I want you happy and if going to medical school made you happy then that's all that matters," John told the young man.

Taylor smiled and Joan grinned ear to ear. John would have made a wonderful dad. The conversation fell away as they arrived in front of Joss's brownstone. Joan whistled. "Well now isn't this fancy," she said softly and grinned as Taylor opened the door for her. "Thank you, Master Carter."

Taylor shook his head as she slid her hand around his elbow. "Is there any way to convince you to just call me Taylor, Joan?"

"Nope, giving nicknames is more fun," Joan explained as she allowed Taylor to escort her to his home with John following behind them closely carrying the bag he packed.

"What was John's?"

"Grumps, but since your mother got a hold of him that nickname doesn't fit much anymore. Maybe he needs a new one, how about Smitten Kitten?" she asked with a snicker and Taylor laughed. John just ignored her as he walked up the stoop to open the door for them.

"I call him Mr. Badass." Taylor added.

"Yea, John's only smitten around your mother," Joan said. John shook his head but didn't respond as they entered. Shaw, Finch, and Fusco were already there mingling, or if you could call Fusco and Shaw griping at each other mingling. Joss and Finch appeared to be in a real conversation. They all looked up.

Joss smiled happily as she got to her feet immediately. "Hey Joan, I am so happy you didn't change your mind."

Joan snorted as she felt nervous. "As if this one would let me," she motioned at John. "He batted his eyes at me and everything. Did you tell him to do that to me?"

"Yes."

"That's it, I don't like you anymore," Joan mumbled and Joss giggled as she helped take Joan's coat as John and Taylor hung theirs up. Joss could see how happy John was that Joan came. She was happy too and she was ecstatic about the large bag he packed. Joss shifted her gaze back onto Joan and didn't comment on the new clothes that John managed to convince Joan to get. Seemed Joan was coming around very slowly.

"Let me take you on a tour," Joss offered as she took her arm and Joan nodded as she shooed John and her son away.

"Baby GQ and John, you go mingle with Richie Rich and Batgirl, I need to talk to my favorite cop lady alone."

Joss eyed Joan. "Baby GQ?"

"Your son, he's cute as a button," Joan said and Joss smiled.

"When you're right, you're right," Joss agreed. John looked irritated that he was shooed away but her son didn't seem to care as he entered the living room as he fist-bumped a hello to Fusco.

John motioned with his hand to his bag. "I'll take it upstairs."

Joss nodded. "Put it on the bed. We'll put your stuff away later." she instructed making him frown.

"Put it away?"

"Yea, I cleared a drawer and some space in my closet for you. You don't wear wrinkled clothes do you?" she asked breezily. John shook his head as the frown remained for a moment more before it cleared away. He turned and grabbed the bag and took it upstairs.

"He's done in for, he won't be leaving here anytime soon will he?" Joan questioned with a wide grin.

Joss eyed her conspiratorially. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Joan,"she murmured before she rubbed her arm with her hand enthusiastically. "Now before that tour you have got to meet my partner and friend, Fusco!" Joss insisted as she entered into the living room and dragged Joan to meet Lionel. "Lionel this is Joan; Joan, this is my partner on the force and friend, Lionel Fusco."

Fusco held out his hand. "I heard a lot about you from Carter. She said you put up with Mr. Happy for a while, my deepest apologies," he said with a grin.

Joan smiled, liking this one already. "Yea, I like to think I whipped John into shape, Boston."

"Boston?" Fusco questioned.

"Your accent, it sounds like you're from Boston," Joan said as she eyed John, watchful of him. He entered the living room and sat down beside Richie Rich and Taylor, who seemed to fall easy into conversation while John simply listened. But his face was relaxed. She liked that he was happy here, made her feel good. Her eyes slid back to the short chubby man in front of her.

"Yea, born and raised in Boston before I moved to New York," he admitted. "You got a sharp ear."

"Yea, which goes along with her smart mouth," Joss agreed.

Joan laughed as she held cop lady's arm tightly. "You two are sweet-talking me," Joan said with a smirk. "But cop lady wants to take me on a mini tour, Boston, so catch you later."

Joss tugged Joan with her and began giving her the mini tour, sensing that Joan wanted to talk to her alone. "So what did you want to talk about without John overhearing, Joan?" she asked as she began showing her, her kitchen, and was shocked when Joan burst out into tears. "What's the matter?" Joss asked immediately, rubbing Joan's back in comfort.

Joan waved a hand in front of her face. "It's dumb! I just wanted to say thank you for inviting me and for taking such good care of John. You and Richie Rich got John in a good place and it's all I was hoping for since finding him," she admitted with a quick swipe of her tears. "Sorry I'm not usually an emotional person. He belongs here with you and your son, it's safe and warm here. Something he needs. I don't think John had that in a long time."

Joss hurried and grabbed a napkin knowing she didn't have any Kleenex in the downstairs bathroom. She knew she forgot something when she went shopping. "Here," she murmured and Joan took it dabbing at her eyes. "Joan, I wanted you over for a while. And about John…I love him so much. I don't have any plans of letting him leave here now unless I have too." Joss said quietly as she rubbed her arm soothingly.

She nodded. "Yea, this place here is a home. John belongs in a home, not just a house."

"And you belong in a home and not on the streets," Joss said. "John would agree."

Joan shook her head ruefully. "I should have known that was coming. You and John both are stubborn as mules."

"Coming from someone that's just as stubborn, I'll take that as a compliment. And if you think John will ever be satisfied with you living on the streets, you have sorely misjudged him. John won't ever truly be happy until you're safe and sound." Joss said with a firm pat of her hand. "But I won't push too hard because this dinner isn't about that. This dinner is because I care about and I love you, and wanted to do something nice for you."

Joan smiled. "Thanks Joss, you truly are good people."

"And so are you. Now I need to show you around the rest of the place so you can go in and mingle, Shaw has missed you."

"Wait…Batgirl likes me? I didn't think so."

"Shaw won't admit to it but she does," Joss reassured her and with that she took Joan on the rest of her tour before leading her back to the foray and John was none-the-wiser over Joan's emotional outburst. Maybe Joan was getting close to facing the facts that living on the streets wasn't what she wanted anymore. 

* * *

"Do you think if I asked Joan to leave the encampment she would?" John asked as they sat on the couch, sipping wine, long after the very nice dinner was over.

Conversation between everyone was never stunted and Joan jumped right in the thick of things offering jokes, insight, and conversation. No one would ever have known that she was a homeless woman. The only one extremely quiet was John but what else was new? Even Shaw had been talkative…especially with Joan. Joan brought out the best in everyone and that didn't bode well for the woman because now she didn't just have her and John to deal with about removing her from the encampment. But now it has become a joint effort with them, Finch, Fusco, and Shaw.

The dinner party had run until just after eight and John left to take Joan back to the encampment reluctantly. Fusco had left next, along with Finch and Shaw following him. Taylor decided to go out and catch a movie with his girlfriend, promising to be home by curfew which left Joss home by herself to clean up until John came back, who had been upset she was home alone, which was about an hour ago.

Joss looked at John and shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure, John. But we can continue to try to ask and prod her into thinking about it. You know as well as I do that Joan will do what Joan wants and we can't force her into leaving the encampment. It's all she's known for so long," she said.

"But you should have seen her at my place. She enjoyed being indoors. And if she is worried about me supporting her, Finch could help me find her a job so she can feel independent," John said.

Joss smiled. "That's sweet and I'm sure if you can convince Joan to leave the encampment she would like to be independent. Joan doesn't strike me as the type to take handouts, she's a very proud woman who had given up everything to try to save her husband's life." She didn't want to tell John that she felt like they were close to getting their wish for Joan to leave the encampment. She couldn't tell John that Joan had admitted that John would be what made her leave the encampment, because she didn't want John to get his hopes up.

"What did she want to tell you as you guys went on that tour?"

"Nothing in particular, why?" she asked, not about to tell him what Joan said or what she said in response.

"Just curious."

"It's private and you're not even allowed to know," Joss said conspiratorially.

"Is she alright?" he asked immediately.

Joss looked at him in surprise before leaning over and kissed him to comfort him. "It's nothing bad, I promise. She's fine John," she promised. "It was something she wanted to tell me in confidence and I don't feel right breaking her trust in me. I know you love her, but I love her too."

He nodded. "Alright, I trust your word that she's alright," he said gruffly.

Joss leaned forward and placed her wine down, before turning and rubbing a gentle hand on John's injured arm. "How's your arm? During dinner I noticed a couple times you grimacing."

"Fine, it hurts…. a little," he said dismissively.

Joss nodded, grateful at least he told her some of the truth. She doubted it hurt only a little. And she could tell he was worried about her safety and scared for Finch. It was evident at this small get together as he habitually went to the windows and watched, as if searching for Kara and waiting for her to attack. He wasn't going to relax until Kara was caught. But hopefully she could somehow get him to not make himself sick with worry.

"John, can I ask you something?" she wondered.

"Sure."

"I want you to teach me how to fight like you." He glanced down into her eyes. "Now here me out: Kara knows where I live and has the advantage of knowing how to fight, I know standard self-defense. And it has saved my life, but with Kara, normal self-defense training isn't enough. And who is better to train me then you, John? You know how to fight just like her, if not better, and I'm a quick study. Plus, if I ever run into a problem, knowing how to fight like you is a benefit for me too."

"Joss…"

"This is a good idea and you know it."

"It is," he agreed.

Joss gathered breath to continue her argument when she exhaled when he agreed with her. "Glad you realize it too."

"What I was going to say is: are you sure you want me to train you and not Shaw?—Shaw and I would be completely different. And quite possibly Shaw would be more Kara's mindset."

"I'm a thousand percent sure," Joss said immediately. She trusted John with her life and only wanted his teachings.

John smiled gently. "That's pretty sure. Alright, stand up, Joss." he murmured as he got to his feet.

She blinked in surprise. "You want to start right now?"

"Why not?—we are alone and I can start you off with the basics until we can practice somewhere where you have a mat to fall onto," he said.

"Or for you to fall onto," she suggested.

John's lips twitched as mischief sparkled in his eyes. "Maybe, if I let you."

Her eyes narrowed at that. "Oh, really if you let me huh, now it's on! I'll show you, you'll be kissing the mat!" she declared.

John's lips slid into a slow sensual smile. "Show me what you got, Joss," he humored. She eyed him in his dress pants and tight undershirt that was plastered to his well-toned body. She wouldn't mind starting their first lesson tomorrow and retire now upstairs in her bedroom before her boy got home. She wouldn't have to be quiet then. He cocked a brow as a smug smirk crossed his face. "Unless of course _you_ can't handle me being your teacher, I'll ask Shaw to train you."

"I can handle you being my teacher, John." she assured feeling her competitive nature attacked.

"Then get into your stance." he ordered and Joss did as she was told, noting that John did the same and he looked fierce before he frowned and straightened. "You're in a defensive posture, Joss."

"This is my only stance, John," she admitted reluctantly. She had boot-camp training where she learned some fighting but not his sort of skills. He was trained by the best of the best for hand to hand combat, which was why she wanted to learn from John. She had no doubt that Shaw was good, but in her eyes, John was the best.

John closed the gap between them and cupped her face. "Joss, do you really want me to train you?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she answered immediately, reaching up to grab his wrists. "I want you to show me how to fight like you, so if Kara ever comes after me again, I can protect myself and my son. I know I won't be as good as her, but if I know enough I can fend her off."

"Joss, you're a moral and good woman. Of course the only stance you know is defense. But these skills I am going to show you aren't to just fend Kara off."

Joss searched his eyes. "You're going to teach me how to kill her?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because if you are in a hand to hand combat with Kara that means there is only one outcome and when it comes down to your life or hers, I want to make sure you are the one that comes out the other side," he whispered.

Joss's breath hitched before she recovered. "Alright, show me how to beat Kara Stanton, just in case I ever need to use it."

He smiled. "First thing you need to know about Kara is that she fights dirty. If you get the upper hand on her she'll cheat. She tends to keep a knife in her right pocket as her right hand is dominant. It's quickly accessible and she's lethal with it. So if you can, break her right wrist as quickly as possible. It will balloon out and she won't be able to reach for the knife" he instructed, all business now.

"I see."

"If you can't snap her wrist and she does manage to get the knife, I'll train you how to block it and disarm her. But first things first: the basics."

"And that is?"

"Your stance," he murmured as he rounded her and began moving her the way he wanted her, like she was a doll. Joss quietly allowed him to situate her and when he was done, she felt awkward. "Keep your shoulders back, hips strong, and feet spaced apart," he muttered. "You're younger than Kara by a few years, smaller, and quicker which will help. You are in shape, plus you will have the added surprise that you know how to fight as she will naturally assume you don't."

"Idiot," she said under her breath.

He smiled as he pressed a kiss to her cheek from behind her. "She is for underestimating you," he agreed as he walked back in front of her and eyed her stance. She concentrated on the stance and getting used to it. After a little while he told her to stop and they sat down on the couch together. "Thank you for my first mini lesson even if it wasn't physically demanding."

"You have your stance down to an art now, Joss. Tomorrow we need to head to the gym Finch owns for Shaw and me to work out at, so you can start your real lesson."

Joss blinked as she pushed away from him. "Finch owns a gym! Why didn't I know about it until now?"

He shrugged. "It's just a rundown place for Shaw and me to work out at and keep up our reflexes. It's nothing fancy."

"I don't need fancy." she huffed. She was a little miffed she was never invited to this gym before. As if she would condemn it for being rundown. They based their operations in a derelict library that needed bulldozing.

He smiled. "Well, we do have room for one more membership," he teased.

She smiled as she leaned into him. "Oh, you do, do you?" she purred as she rested her hand on his lower abdomen careful of the bruises that were healing from the takedown of HR, inching her hand down, letting her fingertips stop shy of pressing against him through his pants.

John's eyes darkened with lust. "Yes, however, I need to perform a rigorous physical exam," he murmured as he climbed to his feet, tugging her up before scooping her into his arms uncaring about the healing gunshot wound. "Make sure this gym is the right gym for you, you understand," he said playfully.

She chuckled. "Oh sure, I understand alright, this gym sounds pretty inclusive," she said as he carried her upstairs. She settled her mouth against his neck sucking gently. John set her on her bed after the short journey and smiled down at her as he began removing his clothes. Joss laid on her bed naked and spread her legs to beckon him. "I'm ready for my thorough examination…."

John groaned as he climbed onto the bed.

* * *

AN: Sorry no smut for you guys. Smut is trying to take a hold of this story so I forced myself not to write any for this particular scene. Here is the happy chapter and well...things begin to happen :) Thanks for reading!


	53. Chapter 53

_**AN: I'm sorry everyone who's waiting for this update. I promise not to make you guys wait too long for the next one.**_

* * *

"You okay, mom?" Taylor asked as they entered the neutral zone where she agreed to meet with Paul so that Taylor could try out his first night over his dad's place.

"I'm a little sore that's all," Joss admitted.

Actually she was a lot sore. She didn't realize how many muscles she didn't use on a regular basis until she asked John to train her. This morning had been her first real lesson and John didn't exactly go easy on her. Her back hit the mat again and again and again. When she got it wrong, he barked orders at her and proceeded to show what she did wrong because he used the openings she left to throw her around like a ragdoll. He was careful to not hit her as hard as she knew he could which annoyed her because she didn't want him pulling punches, Kara sure the hell wouldn't, but deep down she knew he'd be devastated that he hurt her in any way.

After she learned some moves, he moved her onto snapping a wrist which was alarmingly easy and she had already known how to disarm someone wielding a knife. But she had allowed John to 'teach' her anyway, she wasn't going to say no to a chance at being pressed up against him. Her next lesson was tomorrow and she was looking forward to it even if she was sore. It was an activity between them besides sex that they both enjoyed. She got to share something she enjoyed when she got him in her bath and now he was sharing with her something he enjoyed. He was enjoying teaching her how to fight like him and she enjoyed learning from it. Joss was glad she asked him to.

"Why do you want John to train you how to fight like him anyway, mom?"

Joss eyed her boy. "I explained to you about your needing to head to Grandma's after being at your dad's, learning how to fight like John will be added protection for myself." she answered as best she could.

"Are you in trouble, mom?"

"No, I got John staying with me thanks to you so I won't be alone, and with John's teachings I will be fine, Taylor. You know me, baby, I can take care of myself."

Taylor nodded. "I know you can. But now you don't have too. John's there to help."

"Yea, he is. Now don't worry about me or John, we're fine. You have a nice time with your dad and be good for Grammy," she said sternly.

"I will, you don't have to worry about me, mom."

She smiled and noticed Paul, his girlfriend, and her son, entering the diner. "Your dad's here," she murmured as she stood up and felt uncomfortable as she eyed Caroline. "Hello, Paul," she said politely.

"Hey, Joss, I want you to meet Caroline and Tyreese," Paul introduced. "Caroline, Tyreese this is my ex-wife, Joss."

Joss felt awkward as she reached out her hand to shake Caroline's, which she immediately took. "It's nice to meet you, Joss," she said warmly and Joss felt at ease at once. Joss shook hands with the young boy and noticed happily that Tyreese and Taylor seemed to like each other.

"I want to thank you again for giving me this, Joss. Taylor means the world to me," Paul said sincerely as Tyreese and Taylor exited the diner with Caroline talking to them both about going someplace for dinner.

She shrugged. "I told you Paul, clean up your act and you'd be in Taylor's life again. You did and now you get a chance to be a father. But like I said before, please don't hurt him," she requested.

"Never, he's everything to me."

"Good, because he doesn't want to join the army, Paul," she said bluntly.

Paul blinked in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because it's not for him and he's scared to tell you," she said, trying to give Paul a heads up so he could prepare himself for when Taylor told him the truth. When she was pregnant with Taylor all Paul talked about was their child joining the army like them. Joss couldn't blame her son for not wanting to join, his mother had nearly died serving their country, leaving him motherless, and his dad lost himself suffering from PTSD and he had become fatherless for most of his life. It soured any thoughts of joining himself.

Paul shifted his feet. "What does he want to be instead?"

"A doctor of some kind, he hasn't figured that part out. I was kind of hoping he'd follow in my mother's footsteps and be a psychologist," she admitted.

"Whatever makes him happy, I can't blame him for not wanting to join the army," Paul agreed softly.

Joss blinked in surprise. Paul had really changed, as that would not have been his reaction a couple years ago. She smiled. "Go have fun with our son. Give him my love."

"I will, I'll bring him here at around this time tomorrow?"

Joss eyed her watch seeing it was six in the evening and darkness was setting. "Sounds good, my momma will pick him up." she answered and with that Paul turned and walked away. Joss grabbed the bill for her and Taylor's drinks and went to pay for them.

As she exited the diner her cell phone rang and saw it was a collect call from a pay phone. Joss answered her phone with a hint of trepidation. "Hello?"

"Hi cop lady,"

Joss blinked in happy surprise as she relaxed instantly. "Joan! What a wonderful surprise!" she chirped happily.

"Yea, well you gave me your number and I scrounged up enough chump change to call you. I was hoping to ask you a favor."

"Name it, anything." Joss said immediately as she hurried to her car. She had the day off to train with John and then take her son to go with Paul, so now she had nothing to do but maybe practice those moves John taught her at the gym, then hang out with John when he came home. She smiled to herself. It was so easy to think of him living with her a forever thing. She needed to squash some of those desires because John wasn't ready.

"Can you ask John to come to the encampment?—I need to talk to him," Joan asked softly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm okay, I just-I just need to talk to him, Joss," Joan murmured.

Joss smiled. "I'll call him immediately, knowing John he'll drop everything to head over there."

"Tell him to take his time, whatever that boy is doing is important, I'm not and I can wait." Joan said with a huff.

Joss rolled her eyes. Joan should know by now that she meant the world to John. "Say that to John and you'll be in for it Joan. I'll call him and let him know. He'll be seeing you soon," Joss assured her.

"Thanks cop lady, I gotta go; I only put in so much money."

"Bye," she said softly before Joan hung up.

Joss grinned as she immediately tapped John's name as she sat in the car still with the engine off. She was too giddy to start driving home. John answered before demanding, "Are you alright? No Kara sightings?"

"No, no Kara sightings, but I did get a call from Joan."

"Joan?"

"Yea, she called on a pay phone to ask me to ask you to come by the encampment," Joss answered, feeling so excited that she might start bouncing in her seat.

"Is she alright? Is someone bothering her?—Shaw mentioned some guy was hanging around her. I'll kill him if he touches her," John growled.

"Whoa, no, I don't think she's in trouble John! And I told Shaw that Joan could take care of herself and has been for a very long time. I think Shaw isn't used to encampments. Joan didn't sound alarmed or in fear when she called. I think she called to ask you to come by the encampment to tell you she's ready to leave it," Joss said speaking on her instinctive hunch.

"Are you sure?"

Joss smiled at how happy John sounded, like he was trying to not get his hopes up yet was failing miserably. She bet he was smiling like a boy who woke up on Christmas morning to a roomful of presents. "Yes, I think so. Don't get your hopes too high as I'm not sure, but judging from the tone of her voice and the fact that she is asking you to come, I think so."

"I'm heading there now."

"If she does want to leave the encampment where are you going to take her?" she questioned. Joan wasn't going to be happy in a hotel.

"My place for the time being since I am staying with you, Joan could stay there until I can find a place she loves." he said.

Joss liked that plan. "Plus your place is not that far from mine. I bet Joe, your front-desk concierge, met her when you took her there to let her cleanup."

"He did and he liked her, he immediately added her to my short list of welcomed guests."

Joss laughed. "That's no surprise everyone that meets Joan likes her. You want me to go with you?" she questioned.

"I'm halfway there already. Shaw and I were in the middle of following a number which turned out to be too late. We'll head there now."

"I'll see you when you get home," Joss said and froze. She hadn't meant to say home, she meant to say at 'her place' not wanting to spook John.

"See you then," he said softly before he hung up.

Joss sat in her car unsure of what that meant. Did John realize what she said or was he excited about the possibility that Joan wanted out of the encampment? It was probably the latter but what if it wasn't? What did it mean? Did he suppose it was a slip of the tongue from her or was John further along in his healing progress than she had assumed? And if he was did she really want to push him too fast too soon? She just got him to realize what they were doing was more than sex.

Joss wasn't sure but what she did know was that she had happy tears filling her eyes. She loved him and hoped that this meant she was that much closer to finally telling John the full truth and nothing but, that she loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life by his side.

* * *

"So do you think she's coming out of the encampment?" Shaw wondered as John pulled up to the curbside.

"I hope so," he murmured as he climbed out of the car.

Shaw followed as they strode hurriedly into the encampment and found Joan waiting for him on the bench where he used to take up residence. Ron was giving him and Shaw the stink-eye but he always did whenever he came by to visit her. To him he was an outsider now and he understood Ron's reservations.

"Hey John, Batgirl, it's been a longtime," she teased.

Shaw smirked. "Yea, nearly twenty-four hours,"

"What's going on Joan, you called Joss and she told me you wanted me to come by?" John asked ignoring the useless chitchat.

Joan stood up. "Way to go and not let an old lady procrastinate, John!"

"You're not that old, Joan."

"Stop wooing me with that charm, John," Joan chided and John thought about what he said and blushed.

"I-I-I meant you weren't…"

Joan waved him off with a laugh. "I'm just teasing you, John, I know what you meant. And if you weren't so damn excited you'd have taken it as a joke. I'm guessing cop lady used her creepy power of deduction on me huh?"

"She said you might be thinking about leaving the encampment," he admitted. "But she said not to expect it."

Joan's prankster side wanted to tease John that it wasn't why she called and needed to see him, but she didn't want the boy sad. "Well your girlfriend is right. I don't know what it is about you, John, but living here in the encampment without you is no fun anymore."

John swallowed hard. "Are you sure?" he whispered afraid to hope.

Shaw elbowed him. "Shut up Reese! Don't give her a chance to back out of it!"

Joan smiled at Batgirl before looking up into John's big blue eyes that were cautiously optimistic, like he was too used to being let down. "I'm sure, John," she said sincerely. And she nearly cried at the sheer beauty of John's smile before he stunned her in choked silence as he hugged her and then she did really cry.

Once they parted Joan rubbed her eyes. "Way to go and blur my makeup John," Joan complained. No one mentioned the fact that she wasn't wearing any.

John turned to hide his own tears as he rubbed away any remnants of them. "Come on, we'll walk you to my car. You can stay at my place for the time being until you find something you like."

"Anything's fine, I mean I've been sleeping on a bench for twenty plus years, John," Joan teased as she wheeled her cart with them. "Something small and close to where you, your cop lady, and where my husband are will be fine, I need to be close to him too."

John looked down at Joan as they walked towards the exit of the encampment and nodded. "Anything, I'll buy you anywhere you like, Joan."

"Now I'm not letting you pay for everything. I want a job, while you are out in spandex and a cape I need to keep busy."

"Please, Reese, never wear spandex," Shaw muttered before looking at Joan. "But we know someone who'd hire you on the spot."

"For the time being you'll have to let me take care of you Joan. We need to get you a place, new clothes, and then you can see Finch to get a job that you would like to do," John murmured, working out a plan in his head already.

Joan smiled. "Thank you John, do you have someplace I can put Chris's effects at your place?" she asked hesitantly as she touched the trash bags.

And Shaw now realized what was housed in that cart, what was left of someone she cared for. "Yes, there's more than enough room at my place for his personal effects," he reassured her.

They exited the encampment with Joan chatting amicably with them. John stiffened when the burner phone he received from Kara began to ring.

"I have to take this," he murmured tersely. Shaw grew tense as he tugged the phone out while Joan didn't recognize the significance.

"Batgirl and I will chat a little while we wait."

He tried to smile as he answered the phone. "Kara," he said slowly.

"Hello, lover," Kara greeted.

"What do you want?"

"You know the answer to that already. You have one last chance at changing your mind or people will get hurt."

"Kara, revenge won't get you anything. Why not let it go?"

"I can't John. I'm going to make everyone suffer that burned us and you're going to help me or do you need a push in the right direction?—what lengths would you go for your precious little mocha spitfire?"

John stiffened. "Stay away from Joss."

"Help me and I will."

"And if I don't?" John asked.

"You know the answer John. So what do you say?—help me kill someone that deserves to die or not and be the reason why Joss Carter's life is tragically cut short," Kara hissed. John stood stone still. Maybe if he agreed to help her this time he could stop her someway, keep her away from Finch and Joss at the same time. "Time's up, John."

John blinked in surprise when he heard a gunshot ring out as he turned to look at Shaw and Joan. His eyes widened as Joan let out a cry as she began falling to the ground. "JOAN!" he shouted as he ran to her.

Shaw tugged out her gun and tore off for the sound the silencer came from. It was just off from them near the encampment. She heard running footfalls and she followed in pursuit.

John caught Joan before she could hit the pavement as he pocketed the burner phone. "I got you, you're going to be alright." he whispered raggedly as he immediately began unzipping her coat when a large crimson stain was forming. He shook as he stared at the wound and began applying direct pressure to her wound.

Shaw ran back to where John was crouched down beside Joan, having lost track of Stanton, and saw he was trying to keep Joan alive. She called for an ambulance before she hung up and proceeded to push Reese out of the way relocating him to crouch near Joan's face. "Let me," she said urgently as blood was seeping out of Joan in an alarmingly rate.

Sirens sounded off in the distance, murmurings from homeless men and women that were watching from afar were noted but ignored, as Shaw tried to staunch the blood flow, the wound was in the upper stomach.

Joan gasped for breath and John panicked. "It is okay Joan, we'll save you." he said urgently, hearing the sirens getting louder. "Just hold on a little longer, help is on the way," he besought roughly, desperately, feeling like his throat was closing up and unable to breathe in.

Joan managed to reach her hand up. "My son…" she touched his chin.

"Please don't leave me," John begged and his breath stopped as Joan's eyes closed. "JOAN!" he cried.

Shaw focused on Joan as she pushed Reese out of the way completely and leaned over her and she wasn't breathing. She sat up and began doing CPR and glanced up when she heard a man screaming, seeing the homeless man she distrusted rushing at them.

John trembled as Shaw attempted to save Joan as he got up to stop Ron. "Shaw's trying to save her," he whispered gravelly.

"You got her killed! You killed Joan!" Ron cried as he began throwing clumsy punches in near hysteria. "You outsiders killed Joan!"

Shaw focused on Joan as Reese let the homeless man hit him, scream at him, and didn't stop him. She didn't stop CPR until the ambulance was there and paramedics were shoving her out of the way. Ron had long given up hitting Reese as he laid on the ground sobbing. John had staggered into the shadows to hide from the police and paramedics who might want to question him. Shaw sidled up beside him.

"She's dead," he whispered. Shaw glanced at the scene, before looking back at Reese seeing the blood smeared on John's face from Joan's touch. "Kara took her from me," he whispered as he watched the paramedics trying to revive Joan. Shaw eyed Reese who looked shell-shocked and she couldn't even lie to him because Joan's chances were fast fading. He turned and stumbled away into the shadows and Shaw remained to watch over Joan and hope that Reese was wrong.

* * *

AN: I think this is where I dust off my running shoes. I had a feeling I'd be needing them again. I'm sorry for the cliffie but I will post the next chapter soon, I promise.

Thanks for reading!


	54. Chapter 54

Joss had long since changed into her pajamas to get comfy, forgoing her underwear knowing she wasn't going to need them with John spending the night here, and wondered what was taking John so long. She had figured he would call her about taking Joan to his place or something like that. But so far nothing and all her calls to him went unanswered. Joss heard a heavy thud on her door. She frowned as she slid her tablet onto the coffee table and climbed to her feet.

She wondered who could be at the door. It wasn't John. Majority of the time when he came over he used the back door and he certainly didn't knock. And the knock sounded weird too, it sounded like someone fell against the door. She rounded the corner with caution and entered her foyer to look at the screen to show exactly who was at her door and she gasped as she rushed the door, unlocked it, and threw it open. John was on the other side with raspy breathing along with his nose red, eyes puffy, and blood covering his shaking hands, and bloody fingerprint marks smeared on his face.

"John, are you alright?!" she demanded heart in her throat.

He mumbled something weakly but she couldn't make it out. She grabbed an elbow as he made a feeble attempt to move and helped him inside, worried he was bleeding to death or something. Her cell phone began ringing incessantly which was ignored. She slid the door shut and locked it as she slung an arm of his around her shoulders leading him to her living room.

"Where are you hurt, John?" she asked calming herself. If he was severely injured she had to get him help.

"She killed her," he whispered roughly. "She killed her." he repeated again as if he was trying to reconcile it.

"Who killed who?"

"Joan, Kara killed her."

Joss's heart stopped. "Joan's dead," she breathed and John shuddered as he collapsed on her couch, bending over with his head in his lap as unnatural sounds escaped him. Joss begun to realize that the blood on him was not his own but most likely Joan's, and her heart broke as John's body heaved. Tears welled up in her eyes, over the loss of a dear friend. She loved Joan and she knew how much John loved her.

Joss swallowed hard as she knelt down beside him on her hardwood floor laying her head on his shoulder as she rubbed his back with one hand and rubbed a hand through his hair with the other.

"I'm so sorry, John," she whispered in his ear over and over again, pressing soft kisses to his temple knowing nothing she said was going to help, words were meaningless. Joss continued to simply hold him as she cried silently over the despair he was in and the loss of her friend, Joan was such a sweet woman.

Her cell phone began ringing all over again but her main priority was comforting John. Whoever was calling; Finch, Shaw, or Fusco was secondary. Joss didn't know how long she stayed kneeling on the hardwood floor with her arms wrapped around John gently whispering empty words of comfort to him while he wept. But it was a while because her phone finally stopped ringing and it was quiet except for John's soft sobs until he was spent and then eerie silence. They remained that way for a while until the sound of her front door being opened then sliding shut and being locked sounded.

Joss turned grimacing at the pain in her knees to see Shaw standing on the threshold of her living room. Her eyes zeroed in on John who had not sat up and had not said one word since he whispered that Joan was murdered. Shaw looked up and looked furious as she motioned for her to come over. Joss reluctantly got to her feet with her knees groaning at the fact that she had been resting on the hardwood for a long while. Her feet felt like pins were stabbing into them from the fact that they fell asleep. Joss eyed John a moment when he didn't seem to even notice the loss of touch. She was worried, but she turned and hurried over to Shaw.

"Make this quick, he's hurting," she whispered turning so she could keep an eye on John. John was crushed over losing Joan and she wasn't even sure if she could comfort him, but she was going to damn well try.

Shaw nodded. "Stanton shot Joan. We think it was to send a message to him: help me or else. Joan's currently at the local hospital in critical condition."

Joss looked at her with hope. "Wait, so there is a possibility of her making it?"

"Slim but there is a chance. Bullet did a lot of damage, damn well near bled to death but I managed to staunch the blood and did CPR until the paramedics got there. They had to revive her a few times at the scene and then another at the hospital until she stabilized. There is no telling how long that will last. She's got a ten percent chance of survival," Shaw recited the limited known facts she had. "Finch is there with her right now and getting her the best possible care, while Fusco is helping investigate the shooting."

"Joan is a fighter. She'll make it, I have faith,"Joss said immediately, latching onto that small chance. Joan had to survive, she didn't want to lose her, and she certainly didn't want John to lose another person he loved.

"Stanton's a dead woman," Shaw stated darkly.

Joss didn't comment. Her only concern was John and Joan, not Shaw's rightful blood-thirst. Right now John didn't even know that Joan had a chance of making it. He had given up hope. She didn't know where he was emotionally and she debated on hiding her gun, not trusting him when he was met with grief. "Shaw, take his gun with you, John doesn't handle grief well. Regardless of the fact that Joan may make it, John will see this as his fault."

Shaw nodded. "If you want I'll go make a sedative for him."

Joss shook her head. "John won't need that but thanks Shaw," she said. Shaw just jerked her head as she entered the living room and carefully grabbed the gun at the back of John's pants, removing it from him with absolutely no fight from him.

"I'll help you get Reese upstairs and I'll sleep on the couch. Kara tries to come in here I'm emptying my gun in her head," Shaw stated flatly.

Joss didn't even argue because if Kara gunned down Joan knowing how much John cared about her, then surely she'd be the next target, and John was not in any condition to deal with Stanton. Knowing Finch was by Joan's side and Fusco was investigating it, she could focus solely on John who needed her.

"Stay with him while I go upstairs and undo my bed please, Shaw," Joss requested and the woman waved her off. Joss rushed upstairs and entered her bedroom sprinting. She undid her bed covers so getting John in bed would be much easier. Joss made short work of the stairs only about a minute or so after going up there and approached John and he was sitting the exact same position as she left him when she went to go talk to Shaw. Shaw just stood in the corner of the room staring at him and had an unusual look on her typically bland face.

Joss slowly got back down onto her knees but this time directly in front of John. "John," she whispered. She waited a few moments before she rubbed his forearms that were resting on his thighs. "John, look at me," she asked gently. When he yet did nothing, she sighed. "Look at me, John," she said more forcefully trying to penetrate the haze he was in. John slowly lifted his head and she nearly cried. His face was gaunt, eyelashes spiky from tears, and he had red splotches on his cheeks from tears. The pain etched harsh lines on his handsome face nearly aging him a hundred years.

Joss rubbed a hand through his hair. "She's not gone. Joan's in the hospital."

He stared at her. "She's not?" his voice was fragile, as if even hoping she wasn't gone was too much for him to handle right now. In that moment she wished Kara dead. Hated what that woman has done to him, tried to take from him. John suffered enough loss.

Shaw spoke up. "Paramedics were able to stabilize her. She's with Finch right now at a nearby hospital, fighting for her life."

John got to his feet, unsteadily at the news. "I have to go to her," he said urgently.

Joss shook her head as she reached out and kept a steadying hand on him. "You need rest, we'll go see her in the morning," she said vehemently as she tugged on his hands. "Come on, John, let's go upstairs."

John shook his head. "No. She needs me," he whispered, thick with emotion.

Joss held out her hand tightly. "She does, but she needs you after you get a little sleep. She's in good capable hands right now."

"What if she wakes up alone?"

"But she's not, Finch is with her, and you trust Finch, don't you?—Joan would want you to get some sleep," she softly urged. Joss gently began tugging on his hands to lure him to the stairs and he silently followed her command. Shaw stepped behind him as she followed them upstairs. Joss stared into his face and he didn't say a single word, didn't have too, the despair draped him.

She and Shaw managed to get him into her room where he stood staring off into the distance. "Thanks Shaw, I'll take it from here." she said.

Shaw nodded and said nothing before exiting and softly closing her door for her. Joss mutely undressed him. This had not been what she was envisioning when she pictured undressing him earlier. She had first shoved his long wool coat onto the floor followed by his suit blazer.

Joss frowned after she tugged the dress shirt and undershirt off and saw blood on his bandaged arm. He must have reopened his stitches. John stood rigidly before her as she peeled back the bandage and saw it was one small stitch that had popped. Shaw wasn't the only one that knew how to do stitches in a pinch. She glanced up and saw John crying once more.

"You're not lying to me are you?" he asked.

Joss stared up at him, seeing he was looking at her with hooded eyes. "About what?" she asked as she rubbed the tears away with her fingers.

"That Joan is alive."

"Never, Joan is fighting for her life and Finch is with her. He'll get her the best possible care, Finch cares about her too. He won't let you lose another person you love if he can help it. Believe that," she said before pressing a kiss to his chest above his healing bruises, and where his heart beat.

She turned and left him standing in her room and hurried to her adjoining bathroom and grabbed the First Aid Kit and returned finding John hadn't moved yet. She was glad he seemed lost in his own world right now. At least he came to her in his time of need and didn't wander the streets alone or sunk into the bottom of a bottle.

"I might not be as good as Shaw at this but I can fix your stitch." she murmured absently as she rubbed and cleaned his wound, cleaning the blood off his hands and chin as well, before fixing the stitch he popped. In less than a few minutes she had the stitch done and the wound re-bandaged, before she was cleaning up the supplies. John was still a little shell-shocked so she rushed to get rid of the kit and wash her hands quickly before coming back. "Sit on the bed." she requested pushing on his hips towards her bed.

He fell onto the bed laying on his back staring up at the ceiling as she crouched down at his feet and undid his shoes before tugging them along with his socks off. Joss got to her feet before undoing his belt buckle and working his fly open, then tugged with all her might without much help from him at working his pants down his hips and long legs.

"Lift your legs, John." she ordered, finding short commands got better results. He slowly did as asked and she climbed in next to him. Joss made sure the comforter was on top of him to keep him warm. He was freezing and she knew it had nothing to do with the colder temperatures.

John laid staring at her, unable to hide the crippling pain he was in. Joss wanted to help erase it but she didn't know how. "Don't give up hope on Joan, she's strong, she can pull through this," she said trying to convince herself too.

"Everyone leaves me," he whispered brokenly.

Joss's heart ached at that proclamation. "Not everyone, believe that Joan will fight to come back, and I'll never leave you," she said, gently kissing his cold cheek. She didn't even think he heard her words, so lost in his grief over what happened tonight. "Tell me how to help you John," she pleaded.

His Adams' apple bobbed as his head shifted and she stared into pain-filled blue eyes. "Will you hold me?" he asked roughly.

"You didn't even need to ask." Joss murmured as she scooted closer, wrapping her arms around him with his face pillowed against her chest as she held him fiercely, feeling his arms wrap around her tightly. They stayed that way well into the night until John finally fell into a restless sleep. When she felt his arms go slack, listened to his breathing even out, she relaxed her hold. She kissed his temple as she trailed her fingers through his hair at his nape. "Just sleep, I promise you, John, Kara will never hurt you like this again," she vowed.

* * *

Her eyes were probably bloodshot and they hurt like hell as she lied on her side facing John who was flat on his back, face towards her and asleep. Joss lied awake all night just holding John as he slept, afraid to fall asleep. Afraid that if she did John would be gone when she woke. So she resolutely stayed awake, watching him as he slept. He needed the rest more than she did, it wouldn't help the pain he was in, but it would make him feel more human.

She stared as he jerked awake startled. "Whoa, relax, John," she whispered as she stroked his warm cheek trying to soothe him as she cuddled close to him. He blinked rapidly and then the realization of what happened last night must have dawned on him because his face deadened. Joss tightened her hold on him, squeezing his midsection as she laid her cheek on his chest to stare up into his face.

"I'll go make us breakfast," she offered. "I'll make you a big heaping pile of bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns."

"I don't care," he whispered, turning to look away.

She reached up, pulling on his cheek, forcing his gaze on hers. "You need to eat, Joan wouldn't want you starving or falling back into the bottle. We'll go see her once you had something to eat, took a shower, and got fresh clothes on." she said and slowly slid from bed, grateful at least he wasn't ready to get up because he just laid there staring out into space.

She hurried out of the bedroom needing to get food in him and took the stairs two at a time and sniffed the air. It smelled like bacon already. Joss entered the kitchen finding Shaw there and Harold. "Sure, just let yourself in," she huffed but not in annoyance.

Shaw shrugged as she sat with her legs kicked up on her table while Harold cooked bacon on the pan. "I was up and heard the knock on the door." she muttered.

Harold glanced at her with a chagrin look on his face. "I called Ms. Shaw in advance," he murmured.

"It's okay Harold, I'm glad you are here. Make me a huge batch of scrambled eggs and tons of bacon along with tons of hash-browns." she requested and everyone knew who it was for. "How is Joan?" she asked, desperately praying the answer was a good one, not just for John but for her too. She loved Joan and wanted the woman to be alright.

"I checked in this morning and she is fighting for her life still, but she's holding her own. The doctors have tentatively raised her chances at survival up to fifteen percent. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it is making them optimistic."

Joss felt a ghost of a smile. "That's good news."

Shaw sat forward, swinging her legs down. "How is Reese?"

"He just woke up and he's not in a very talkative mood." Joss trailed off when she heard the door to her place open and she nearly panicked until Lionel appeared in the kitchen. She exhaled in relief that John hadn't escaped while she was away getting him food. She didn't trust him to be alone right now. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you'd like to know that the NYPD created a new task force for the trigger happy psycho brunette shooting up people. Stanton wasn't given a colorful moniker like wonder-boy got but she's causing the captain concern," Lionel explained. "I also appointed myself to be on it too. Keep tabs on what they find out, so we can maybe find her first. I don't think the NYPD and FBI are equipped to deal with Fruity Pebbles."

Joss nodded. "Yea, I did want to know that, thanks and you can help yourself to a plate of food whenever Finch is done cooking, but John's first. He needs food before I'll take him to go see Joan."

"And after that we are going to get that bitch, right? Stanton needs to go down!" Shaw demanded, seriously debating on raiding Reese's pants for that burner phone. She knew he pocketed it. She knew he had it.

Joss nodded. "After John sees Joan, then we'll figure out how to end this with Kara once and for all. I actually have a plan."

"And what is that?"

"Stanton doesn't know who Harold Finch is. I say we give Kara Stanton Harold Finch." Joss murmured and Finch looked at her.

"I agree. This has to stop. Joan is fighting for her life because of me," he said with slumped shoulders. "I'd be happy to hand myself over to her so she'd stop causing John pain."

Joss shook her head. "I didn't mean you. Kara doesn't know who you are. We could put anyone in place of you and she would never know the difference," Joss explained.

Shaw smiled which made her face look more sinister. "I like this plan. We could hire an assassin…"

"No, we have someone that owes us a favor."

Harold eyed her in dawning realization while he arranged John's plate. "No, you can't possibly mean—"

She nodded. "That's exactly who I mean, Elias owes both John and me for saving his life. He'll help because we are going to cash in that favor."

"But Elias is notoriously unpredictable, Jocelyn."

"Yes, he is, but he also respects John's abilities and he owes us for saving his life. A debt he'll want repaid so he's not in our back pocket," Joss agreed. And if there was anyone that could play Harold Finch convincingly and pull the wool over Kara's eyes: it was Elias.

Shaw shrugged. "As long as he lives long enough to play his version of Finch so we can get Stanton I don't care. She gunned down Joan!"

Joss grabbed the tray, ready with John's coffee and plateful of hot breakfast and some utensils before turning and walking away leaving Shaw, Finch, and Fusco to talk about her plan. She had someone important to go feed. Joss climbed her stairs leaving the others downstairs making a ruckus. But it was jarringly quiet upstairs. She entered her bedroom quickly, nearly afraid he slipped out her bedroom window but relaxed as she found John in the same position as he had been before.

Joss forced cheerfulness she wasn't feeling because she wanted John to feed off her energy as she climbed onto her bed beside him and rested the tray over his lap. "Time to eat, John," she stated.

John turned his head. "I'm not hungry," he mumbled dismissively.

"I know, but you have to eat," she said gently but firmly. His eyes were red from crying last night, from buried anguish, and restless sleep. "You came here last night because you need me: let me be here for you, take care of you," she cajoled.

John stared at her before lifting up a little but made no move to reach for the food. She settled the tray over his lap better, picked up a piece of bacon and lifted it to his lips. Her eyes were on his and she waited. "Please, John, you need to eat." she said and it took a few minutes but he slowly opened his mouth and let her feed him some bacon. Joss felt relieved as she snacked on the other half.

For the first few minutes she had to force the food on him until hunger outweighed his anguish and he was picking up the fork and slowly ate his eggs. Joss munched on some bacon watching him like a hawk as they shared his cup of coffee together.

She ran a hand through his hair. The silence was deafening and she didn't want to bring up the news Finch told her about Joan until after John had finished eating. But it didn't matter because he became riled up for some reason. Too much thinking, she decided because he lifted the tray off his lap, and climbed off out of her bed. He was expressionless but she noted the shaking hands as he grabbed the clothes he had been wearing last night.

"John, you have fresh clothes to wear and you should take a shower," she said. He was getting dressed quickly, her words going through one ear and out the other. Whatever thought that crossed his mind was taking precedence. "Where are you going?" she asked calmly, wanting him to talk to her.

"I have to go see her before it's too late,"his short reply was strangled and choked. He was disheveled. He hadn't even brushed his teeth or combed his hair.

"And you will, but not yet," She said softly as she got up to her feet. John reached for his socks and shoes ignoring her. She sighed realizing he wasn't going to eat anymore and he was in a hurry to see her. "Slow down, let me go get dressed and we'll go see her together." she murmured seeing he was antsy to go see Joan. Maybe after he saw her she could convince him to stop somewhere to eat. He needed more than a few forkfuls of eggs and three pieces of bacon.

"I don't need a keeper."

"Well too damn bad, John! Joan would want me to take care of you, so let me. It will take me a couple minutes to get dressed and get my sneakers on." she said gently. She wasn't letting John be alone. Last time he was left alone he spiraled out of control, living on the streets and precariously close to ending his life.

He looked up after tying his shoes. "I want to be alone," he stated bluntly, barking the order as he got to his feet and brushed past her as if the discussion was over, nearing the bedroom door, but she grabbed his wrist stopping him.

"I won't let you be alone," she stated firmly.

"It's for the best."

Joss bristled at that. "Who gave you authority on what's best for me?—Kara gunning down Joan won't stop me from being by your side no matter what. I'm not afraid of her," she spoke harshly, wanting it to penetrate. She understood his overprotectiveness but she wasn't just going to let him walk out that door without her. Joan was gunned down and John was in a vulnerable emotional state right now and surely would not be thinking straight with violent revenge clouding his judgment.

"I didn't say it's best for you Carter, it's best for me," John said lowly, eyes cast downward as he shrugged her grip on his wrist off. She felt her heart break and not only because of what happened to Joan or the anguish Kara brought him but because he was trying to distance himself from her. And it hurt.

"Pushing me away is not what's best for you, John," she refuted angrily, her temper sparking from the fact that he was trying to push her away. "Surrounding yourself with people who care about you so you can lean on them is what you need. Lean on me, damn it!"

"And who gave you authority on what's best for me?" he snarled, lashing out and using her words against her. John looked up, pinning her with intense eyes, and the agony resonating in them bespoke of the pain he was suffocating in. He figured he was going to lose Joan, he was counting her out, because everyone he loved died, everyone left him, so of course that meant Joan would too.

Joss held out her hands as her anger died immediately, needing to backtrack a little. "Let's start over: I'm sorry for saying that to you, John. You will always have my best interests at heart just as I have yours," she said softly, choosing her words carefully now. John trembled as he looked away saying nothing but didn't leave, so she thought that was a step in the right direction. Joss slowly sidestepped him so she could position herself between him and the door. If he was going to leave he was going to have to go through her first. "John, answer me a question," she said softly earning his attention. "Do you really believe being alone right now is best for you?—because I don't. I know you're used to shutting down and turning inward when you're hurt," she said reaching out to frame his face with her hands, noting his flinch but kept her grip tight. "Try something different John, turn to me."

"Joss," his breathless whisper of her name made her heart burst. She was glad that Carter business was gone nearly as quickly as it came about. "I can't."

Joss searched his eyes. "Yes you can, you want too. You came here last night for help. Let me help you, John, let me be here for you," she whispered as she kissed his lips gently, feeling no response. "Walk out that door and I'll follow you," she added before another soft kiss that lasted a bit longer than the first one. "Wherever you go," she said before taking another tender swipe at his mouth feeling his lips respond on the last one. "You need me just as much as I need you and I'm not letting you walk away from me when you're in need," she whispered and took his mouth with a hungry kiss. She wanted him to feel instead of go numb. To John words were empty, meant nothing, but actions and touch spoke to him. It was something tangible. She wrapped her arms around his neck willing him to not push her away.

He didn't. He made a ragged sound in the back of his throat as he grabbed her desperately, tightly like an iron fist, kissing her savagely. Joss kissed him with equal urgency because he was reaching out for her, reaching for her to be his anchor, his tether to the world right now. His hands gripped her in bruising intensity before they gentled as they slid into her hair and his tongue pushed into her mouth and she felt the swirling deluge of emotion seep out of him, pouring out of him and straight into her.

Joss pushed back with lips swollen from his hard consuming kiss, breathing fast, and the look in John's face showed how raw and wild he was. She made a startled sound as he wrapped an arm around her tightly drawing her to him, lifting her up as he reached down pushing her pajama pants down easily with one hand leaving her naked from the waist down. Joss thought quickly as she realized he was going to fuck her and not care if anyone walked into the room or not, so she kicked the door shut with a lot of force. Thankfully she did because John settled her right up against it, and she felt his erection, felt singed by his burning need for her. She reached down and helped him undo and push his pants and boxer-briefs down, which fell to his ankles, and she gasped in startled delight as he entered her without any warning plunging in swiftly and deeply. All he had to do was look at her with those eyes, kiss her like she was the only woman in the world, and she was ready for his loving.

Joss wrapped her arms and legs around him. She knew this wasn't for her. He buried his face into her neck as his hands grabbed her hips as his moved quickly in jerky movements. John wasn't even making love to her. He was just seeking, needing, and taking. And she was giving, oh god was she willing to give him whatever was necessary to heal his wounded tortured soul. If he needed physical release to give him an outlet for all that pain he was harboring, then he could empty it in her. She loved him and hoped he could feel the love in her touch. She felt his body tremble and his breath catch as he fucked her.

She held him close as she pressed kisses to his temple, feeling his cock begin to strain inside her already, could tell he was close to climaxing as his hips bucked against hers, his soft moans telling the story. And while she was nowhere close to an orgasm herself it wasn't about that. It was about being able to give John something he needed and that was better than any orgasm.

"I got you," she whispered in his ear again and again, tightening her legs around his waist, clenching her inner walls around his thick shaft, hoping to draw him over the edge and give him what he needed. John shuddered as he cried out coming as he pressed her tightly into the door, holding her there as he emptied himself inside her. She pressed loving kisses across his face the entire time, loving how he took for once. She reveled in the fact that he needed her so damn much and that she was able to help in some small way. He leaned against her heavily, breathing hard, but for the first time since coming over last night he didn't feel so tense.

Joss kept pressing gentle kisses against his face and in his hair before she leaned back to look in his eyes. "Joss, I—" he started but she gently shook her head and rubbed his face.

"Don't speak, John, you need me and I am here for you," she reassured him before kissing his lips once before reluctantly uncurling her legs from around his waist and sadly releasing his now soft cock free of her. Joss crouched down and undid his shoes and forced him to step out of them and his clothes. She would remove his socks and shirt in a bit. Joss straightened and grabbed his hands and began tugging on them. "Come with me John. We need a shower, brush our teeth, fresh clothes, and you need to shave. Joan deserves that and you'll feel better," she murmured. She tugged him towards her bathroom and he came with her.

* * *

AN: I couldn't kill her, I mean this is me...I cry when I kill a spider. Anyways, I did get my running in for the day ;D Next chapter John goes to see his Joan and team machine plots to get Kara.

Thanks for reading!


	55. Chapter 55

John sat in the passenger seat with Joss, feeling like an ass. He had used her this morning. He hadn't cared if she was ready or not when he entered her, because all he thought about was getting inside her and finding release. He wasn't a small man, he didn't ready her and he could have hurt her. John could have hurt her and she didn't even care. She cared too much about him when he didn't deserve it, only a bastard would have done what he did to her this morning.

Joss was taking him to see Joan and after they saw her, after he knew what he knew in his heart, that Joan was going to die and leave him too, he was ending his relationship with Joss. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting her like he had this morning. So encompassed in his own selfish needs that he had taken her regardless of if she wanted him or not. He trembled in hatred that he truly was a disgusting monster. He had allowed Joss's impaired judgment of him to cloud his own. He knew what he was, Joss was just too good to see it, and had allowed him to touch her.

Joss shifted her gaze onto John, slightly concerned by the look on his face. She couldn't read what he was thinking, but it wasn't good. "Hey, Joan is strong. Don't give up on her," Joss insisted, hoping to reassure him but the look remained.

She pulled into the hospital's parking lot and had the information from Harold. He had round the clock private security on her door just on the off chance that Kara would come after Joan again. They were given the instructions of only the doctors and medical staff that Harold had appointed her, as well as Fusco, Shaw, and John were allowed in to see Joan.

They climbed out of her car and Joss followed behind John slower. She was watchful of him. He walked rigidly as he entered the hospital and she was worried about him. Something changed in him during the car drive over here, somehow he felt a million miles away and he was only five feet from her.

It took them a good couple minutes and help from a nurse at finding the right direction to ICU to find Joan's room.

Two large burly men stood in front of her door and eyed them, tugging her badge out. "I'm Detective Joss Carter and this is John, we're friends of hers." she said and they nodded as they stepped aside. She followed in behind John but she grabbed his hand in comfort.

John swallowed hard as he clutched Joss's hand tightly, promising himself that this was the last time he'd touch Joss, as he entered the ICU room, finding Joan hooked up to tubes looking frail and pale. He blinked and jerked his head to eye the heart monitor that blipped.

Joss tugged on John's hand when he stopped well short of going up to Joan. "Come on, she needs to hear your voice, to know you're here and pulling for her. She needs you John, just as much as you need her," Joss counseled, softly rubbing his back with her other hand. John let her tug him to Joan and quietly he sat down. Joss stepped behind John and gently massaged his tense shoulders as he reached out to grab Joan's limp hand. "Talk to her John," she whispered.

"Joan, please don't leave me," he said gruffly, and Joss blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears that threatened due to the soft command.

When nothing happened but her steady heart monitor beeping and the other machines keeping her alive made sound, she spoke. "Yea Joan, you need to wake up and give John some hell. And rile up Batgirl a little too," she said trying to keep things light.

They stayed in her room quietly talking with Joan for a little while before a nurse entered. "Well hello there, Mr. Wren said that Joan had lots of friends." the sweet blond nurse said with a smile.

"Is she going to make it?" John barked his question, uncaring of the polite small talk.

"I'm Miranda, by the way, and we are doing everything in our power to help her make it. You must be John, who Mr. Wren told us about. He said you are very close to Joan, the closest thing she has to family," Miranda spoke, checking Joan's IV bag. "Joan's not out of the woods yet but, with each passing hour her vitals are getting stronger which is a good sign and Dr. Madani is hopeful that means she will be able to start breathing on her own soon," the nurse said soothingly.

Joss tightened her hold on John's shoulders in elation. That was good, wasn't it? And it didn't surprise her that Finch had requested Dr. Farouk Madani to oversee her care. The nurse excused herself before leaving them alone with Joan once more.

Joss wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning against his back and kissed his cheek. "She's going to make it, John. Believe in it; Joan's a fighter and she's going to fight to come back to you," she said, refusing to be anything less than optimistic, knowing John was going to be in the half-empty camp.

"It's possible," he said, resisting the desperate desire to latch onto that hope. He couldn't handle being crushed. "But not given," he whispered, eyes on Joan.

They stayed for a little bit longer but when Joan didn't awaken magically, John stood up. He needed to go, he needed to find Kara, and finish this. Joss released him and saw he was back to being distant and he leaned over Joan to press his lips against her forehead. Joss watched him from behind.

"I love you Joan, and I really need you to not leave me," he whispered, strangled.

Joss's eyes welled up with tears and this time she was unable to fight them back as she took her turn to tell Joan she'd be back later. "Joan, I know you can hear me; so I'm begging you to pull through because John needs you. I need you. And I think you need us too. We love you.," she whispered so John couldn't hear as he was eyeing the men that Finch employed to keep watch on Joan. She knew if he deemed them not good enough they'd be fired on the spot. Joss kissed Joan's cheek. "We'll be back later." she said and with that she turned around and exited her room.

When John seemed satisfied with the men outside of her room, they walked slowly away from Joan's room together. They didn't speak the entire time as they walked to her car and John drew up short. She turned to look at him in question.

"Joss…"

She held up a hand. "I know and we're going to get her, John. We're going to get Kara and I got a plan." she insisted. And it was a good plan if she said so herself.

John's need to tell Joss whatever they were doing was over slid away as he was sidetracked with revenge. Kara strapped Joss with a bomb vest giving her minutes to live and if Harold hadn't been able to hack the phone; Joss would have been dead and now Joan gunned down, whose survival was in question. "How?" he asked shortly. His only plan involved the ending: Kara dead and this time truly dead.

Joss looked around. "Not out in the open. Kara could be anywhere, listening to us, and we need this plan to work." she said and he nodded. They climbed into her car, both removing the backs of their phones to render their cell phones useless. "My plan is simple: we give Kara Harold or rather someone she thinks is Harold. She doesn't know who Harold Finch is, we could put anyone in that role and she would never know the truth," she said and realization dawned on John's face. "And we have the perfect person who could play him convincingly."

"Elias," John finished for her, liking where her mind was.

Joss nodded. "Exactly; if there is anyone who could play Finch and get Kara to believe it, it's Elias. He made people believe he was Charlie Burton, just a plain ole' teacher which worked well for him. He's smart and he'll know how to get under Stanton's skin."

John was quiet. Elias better be able to pull this off because he couldn't hand Finch to Kara and he certainly wasn't going to let her hurt anyone else he cared about. They had to stop her, she they had to get Kara for what she did to Joan, to Joss, and to all those innocent people's families that now have to live without their loved one. The pizza delivery boy was found slain and mutilated for effect…for him because she knew how to hurt him. It was all because of him, all of this was his fault.

His eyes slid to Joss, who sat beside him not turning the car on and just stared at him. Just like how Taylor would have to live if Joss had been killed during the time she was strapped with the bomb vest or the time Kara had arrived unannounced to their home. With Kara on the loose he should have stayed away from Joss, knowing she used people he cared for against him. And Taylor would hate him if anything happened to his mother because it would devastate the boy. They were everything to each other and he was hurting Taylor by being with his mother.

"Stop it!" John blinked and looked Joss in the eye after her outburst, seeing fury blazing in the chocolate depths. "Whatever it is that you're thinking about, stop because it's hurting you," she demanded. Joss lifted her hand and cupped his cheek firm in her hands. "Once we end this with Kara; we're going to see Joan and see an improvement in her condition because she _will_ make it, and then I'm taking you back home where I'm going to push you onto our bed and make love to you."

"Joss…"

"Joan's making it because she loves you too much and is too strong to just give up after everything she's been through. Joan lost a connection to the world when she lost her husband, Chris, but she found a new connection in you," Joss said fiercely, speaking over him and John flinched. "Just like you did with me, John, and when Kara is dealt with, I am going to take you home and show you just how amazing and perfect you are to me." she promised as she tickled her fingertips against his rough stubble laced cheek, loving the small shiver that wracked through him.

Joss searched his face and eyes and couldn't keep it inside any longer, "I love you, John," she said watching him as he sat and stared at her. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him how she truly felt because John didn't even know how to love himself but she was through taking baby steps and handling his demons with kid-gloves. Those demons he let run rampant and free inside him was slowly burying him under anguish and self-inflicted pain thanks to Kara. And it was how Kara wanted it. She knew how to cripple John. She knew just what to do to cause him pain to drag him back into her world of nothing but darkness. Well she'll be the antithesis of Kara because she was going to bring light to that darkness that tried to envelop him and she would figuratively set fire to all his inner doubts he harbored.

When John said nothing she continued, "I know you don't love yourself yet, which I will rectify given enough time, but in the meantime I love you enough for the both of us," she promised as she pulled his head down, feeling zero resistance as he let her tug him to her, and kissed him tenderly. She released his soft lips after a few moments to nuzzle her nose with his. "I can heal you. I know you're not ready to say the words back to me John, I know you love me and for now it's enough," she assured with another tender swipe at his lips, letting her tongue drift into his mouth for a teasing second before leaning her head back so she could look him directly in the eyes. She smiled as he looked in shock and dare she say: excitement from the declaration. But she needed him to know one final thing, "John, I want the words eventually because I won't settle for anything less, but I want them when you're ready," she finished.

John reached out touching her chin with his fingertips. "I hurt you this morning. How can you love me when I hurt you?" he asked tentatively.

She blinked several times trying to remember when he hurt her? "When did you hurt me, John?—I'm not sure I know what we are talking about."

"Earlier, in your bedroom before we left to go see Joan and I took you against your door."

Realization dawned on her. Was this the reason why he was so distant? Because he had thought he hurt her earlier when they made love. "You've been cold and distant because you thought you hurt me during sex!" she bellowed incredulously and John's look said it all. "You have got to be kidding me! Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling, John?—I knew something was up with you that had more to do with than just being anxious and scared to see Joan."

John meagerly met her gaze and her eyes narrowed on him sharply. "Let me guess: because you preferred to beat yourself up over something you didn't even do. It falls in line with how you feel about yourself; because a monster like yourself can't touch someone so good like me, right?" she snarled. She truly did hate Kara Stanton and Mark Snow as they facilitated this outlook of himself.

"I didn't even care if you were ready or not for me. It was selfish," he whispered.

"It was human! My god, John, you're allowed to be selfish and be a man. Not many men out there actually give a damn about the woman's desires, not like you do. God, do you think I always worry about how many orgasms you get during a night, so I'm selfish too. I enjoy the care you show me, it makes me feel cherished and ravished at the same time. John, you were hurting and I was there for you. And in case you don't recall; I was more than ready for you and I didn't feel any pain. All you need to do is kiss me and I'm ready for your loving," she reassured him.

After a moment Joss smiled smugly, "Now this has to prove to you that you're not this monster you think you are." she said.

John eyed her, truly wanting to understand, and desperately wanting to believe her. "And how do you come to that conclusion?"

"Easy, what so-called 'monster' worries that much about accidentally hurting someone? Not one would, unless they aren't a monster as they think they are," she said simply. Joss watched as he sat there looking thoughtful. Good, maybe, she finally found the right ammo at getting him to believe he wasn't this monster he thought he was. "We'll finish this conversation tonight after I make love to you. Because first things first: we need to get Kara."

John was grateful that she was through with the conversation. Joss said it so easily that she loved him that he believed her. But he needed time to think, to process this. They were supposed to be just sex and then they weren't and now she brought up love.

"John, chill, my loving you doesn't change a thing between us. We are still going to go at a pace you're comfortable with…a turtle's pace," she said reassuringly and John exhaled in response. "And that is fine because that's what you need and I can live with that. What I couldn't live with was not telling you how I feel any longer, especially with the way you seem to think you need to protect me from yourself."

"You believe in me too much," he murmured.

"And you don't believe in yourself enough," she argued.

He half-chuckled as he shook his head as he side-eyed her. "You'll never not argue with me, will you?" he wondered gently.

"I wouldn't have to if you'd just stop saying things that I don't agree with," she sniped but with softness in her voice.

She smiled when he seemed to wave the white flag metaphorically as he asked, "Can you take me to your place?"

Joss narrowed her eyes. "Why?—I figured you and I could go talk to Elias." she said as she searched his face, looking for any signs of the earlier coldness in him. But he didn't seem a million miles away and he seemed a little less 'broody' if that was a word.

"Because Shaw was there this morning so that must mean she drove my car there last night from the encampment and I need to head to the library and check in with Finch and Shaw," he explained.

Joss didn't want him alone at all because of his emotional state with Joan in the hospital but she also didn't want to smother him either. She wanted him to trust in their feelings for each other just like she did. And trusting in their feelings included trusting in each other.

Joss's instincts told her 'no,' to insist that he stay with her, so she could keep an eye on him while they waited for word of Joan's condition. But instead she said, "Okay, I trust you to not go half-cocked or lose it without talking to me so I can help you," she agreed and he stared at her. "What?—you got to admit that the possibility is there, John. You don't handle grief well which is why I don't want you to be alone when visiting Joan," she stated.

"I know, but I promise if it gets too hard to handle I'll call you," he promised. Since seeing Joan in the hospital even though she was hooked up to tubes to keep her breathing, he felt better. He believed Joss that if anyone could pull through this it was Joan. She was strong willed. She put up with his ass for a while until Joss found him.

Joss nodded. "I'm holding you to that, John. Your word is your bond." she said, not wanting to let him go anywhere alone, not wanting that pain in him to get him to do something stupid. "But while you head to the library to speak to Finch and Shaw I'll go do the sit and talk with Elias since it was my plan," she said, earning a small chuckle.

"Of course you'd come up with that plan, you're the same woman that came up with the plan of coming to the encampment over and over again to lure me out of there. And you're the same woman who made me think what we were doing was just sex," he said with a small shake of the head.

Joss smirked. "You had no complaints either time as I recall," she purred as she turned in her seat and started the car.

* * *

Joss dropped John off at her place and was kind of upset that his car was there still which meant that Shaw had hitched a ride with Finch. She was hoping that it wasn't there because then she had a reason for not wanting him alone. She knew that since seeing Joan was still alive but hooked up to machines had eased John a bit, along with their talk and her declaration had helped some of it. Joss had loved the cautious excitement in John's eyes at hearing her say that she loved him. And now that he didn't react adversely from the declaration as she first feared, she was going to repeat it over and over again until she got one back. Once they ended this fight with Kara, she was taking him home and make love to him. She would help him understand that what she said was the truth because words didn't hold much weight with John, not like actions did.

She drove to the place where they stashed Elias. It had an underground bunker of sorts that no one knew about and it was the perfect place to hide a fugitive crime lord. Joss knew she should really send Elias back to where he belonged: in Rikers, but she couldn't. Simmons, Quinn, other members of HR would be there and Elias would still have a giant bulls-eye on his back. She knew that Elias would have protection in the prison but it still wouldn't erase the guilt that would fill her if anything happened to the man when she knew of what HR had wanted to happen to Elias. They had narrowly escaped with an intact Elias as it was.

Joss pulled curbside of an office building Finch owned that looked normal enough that was the home of some lawyers, accountants, and an undead Carl Elias. Joss was going to add the question of how many buildings Finch owned to her list. She entered the lobby floor that had crimson red carpet and a large gaudy sculpture of the planet placed smack dab in the middle of it. Off to the left were the elevators but those didn't lead to the bottom floor because only authorized personnel were allowed down there. Joss headed to the stairwell off to the right. It was behind a green heavy door and she pushed it open.

Instead of taking the stairs up, she took them down tugging out the key to unlock the steel door found below. Joss hurried down the stairs and came up to that heavy black steel door. She unlocked it and pushed it open taking the cement stairs two at a time seeing Elias seated at a dining table off in the distance. The table was long with several seats placed at the table, but most sat empty except for one which was occupied by his right hand man: Marconi.

Elias smiled as she advanced towards him. "Detective, it's good to see you again," he greeted.

Joss snorted. "Wish I could say the same," she muttered as she approached the table. "How's your accommodations so far?" she asked as Marconi stood and walked around the table to pull out a chair for her. She eyed him before she took the offered seat.

"Would you like my chef to make you lunch?" Elias offered.

"No thanks," Joss replied as she looked around. Finch and John had Elias pretty much set up with this place. There was a small kitchenette off to the side. And there was lots of space for the man and his cronies to roam about.

Elias nodded. "Harold has taken great care into making these living arrangements viable for me. But I must ask, Detective, just how long must I stay underground?" he wondered genuinely.

Joss shrugged. "Not sure, I guess it depends on how much you value your freedom and life because HR members are filling up Rikers right and left. Quinn and Simmons aren't just going to forget their beef with you. And showing your face out in the open; well, you have a whole range of different task forces out to get you and sorry to say: you're no John, you won't be able to evade them forever," she said off handedly.

Elias chuckled. "No one is as good as John," Elias agreed and Marconi grunted. "I figured John would come visit me first. Harold has been here already. I didn't expect to see you, Detective."

"Well if we didn't need your help I wouldn't be here either," she agreed.

Marconi looked at her. "You need help?"

Joss looked at Marconi, "Actually Harold does, which is why I'm here," Joss explained before looking to Elias.

"What is happening?"

"Very long and convoluted story short: there is a woman from John's past that is coming after Harold because she believes he's the reason why they were burned from the CIA," she explained. "In the past she strapped me with a bomb vest and most recently she gunned down someone John cares about trying to force him to help her. We can't give her Finch. But we can give her someone who can play Finch convincingly…you."

"I see. I take it that this woman doesn't know who Harold Finch is," Elias murmured and Joss nodded her head in agreement. "So you want me to play Harold Finch to trap this woman?"

Joss eyed him firmly. "Yes. John and I saved your life so you owe us a debt. And I'm here to collect on it. John can't lose anyone else and he can't take much more of her mind games," she explained.

Elias nodded. "I do owe you and John a debt, a debt that won't easily be repaid," he said.

"It will be. Help us catch Kara Stanton so she can't hurt anyone else John cares about and can't get her hands on Finch, then we are even," Joss said as she got to her feet.

"No it's not." he countered and she eyed him in surprise. "Because this repays Harold for all he has done to help accommodate me with where I am currently. As you stated so blithely earlier, detective; if I wasn't underground I would be dead or in jail. So helping save Harold does not repay you and John for saving my life," Elias admitted. "But I have one stipulation for my assistance: Marconi must accompany John during this exchange."

Joss glanced at Marconi as he grew alert. "That can be arranged. You need to remain unseen because Kara gets wind you're there during the hand-off she'll hurt someone and you better pray to god it's not John, because I will come after you," she agreed with her condition.

Marconi smiled at her threat. "Even though I'd love for you to come after me; that woman won't know I'm even there," he promised.

Joss nodded curtly as she looked back at Elias. "I'll have Finch call you with the details so you can be ready to pull the wool over Kara's eyes. Be ready for when John needs to pick you up. Kara isn't one to wait long,"she stipulated. Elias merely smiled.

Joss gave Marconi one last look before walking for the stairs. Too bad John wasn't here to listen to Marconi flirt with her; she so loved when he got jealous.

* * *

John exited Joss's place after grabbing his cell phone that he had forgotten when they left to go see Joan; he touched his wrist realizing he forgot his watch too, but it wasn't too important so he'd forego it. He needed to head to the library to talk with Finch and Shaw. He needed someone he trusted to sit with Joan. And that someone was Finch. That way Harold was out of any danger and was with Joan so she wasn't alone.

He hurried to his car and didn't pay attention to the fact that a car was sitting and waiting for him. John looked up when he heard tires squeal and his eyes widened as a black car speed directly at him. He tried to jump out of the way but it was coming at him too fast and he groaned as his hip hit the windshield hard as his body tumbled up on the roof, smacking the back of the car hard with his torso stealing his breath and then he landed on the pavement hard.

He heard a scream and some shouts and then tires squealing again. "Well, well, isn't it just my lucky day." John lifted his head as he writhed on the street in pain and saw Kara approaching him. "Who knew finding you would be this damn easy?—then again you are becoming predictable. At her place again John, you're slipping," she stated with a laugh as she headed towards him. He struggled to get to his feet when she aimed her gun on him and shot him in the leg. John grunted as he fell back to the ground grabbing at his thigh. "Can't have you trying to run from me now." she teased as she stood in front of him but not close enough.

Kara smiled at the innocent bystanders who stood staring in utter shock and fright. "I suggest you people run," she instructed as she unzipped her coat showing off her bomb vest. "Or we all can go boom together." she purred as she armed the bomb.

She laughed as the few brave men and women that were debating on rushing her to be heroes, to aide John, turned around and ran. "It's so good to know that people really are pieces of shit and in it only for themselves." Kara sneered as she deactivated the bomb and looked down at him. "Don't mind me saying John; but you sort of look like you just got ran over by a car."

John glared at Kara as he gasped from the pain in his hip, abdomen, and leg. "I forgot how painfully unfunny you are, Kara," he managed.

She laughed. "Now isn't this just a switch: you're the damsel in distress. We already know what lengths you'd go to for your little woman but now we get to learn the lengths she'd go for you."

"What are you talking about?" he murmured through clenched teeth, running through his options. He could try to tackle her to the ground and knock the gun free and snap her neck, but, that didn't seem likely since she was watching him and standing just far enough from him so he couldn't trip her.

"I know you John and how you operate. You had no plans of handing me Harold Finch after I shot that smelly homeless woman you seem taken with,"Kara said as she crouched down near him.

John looked her dead in the eyes. "Call her that again and I will take you to hell with me," he vowed.

Kara smiled. "I'm sure you'd die trying. I knew you wouldn't give me him after what I did to her that you'd come up with some trick up your sleeve, but your girlfriend…Jossy will give me him if it means she gets to save the man she loves."

"Joss doesn't know a thing about this," he lied.

Kara laughed. "Oh John, you are a terrible liar. Your girlfriend is helping you save these pathetic lives, so that means she knows your boss; so _that_ means she can give me Finch. And we both know how much she loves you. Get up John." she stated as she straightened to full height in front of him, gun aimed at his head. When he didn't listen she smiled. "Do it now or the next person I see gets a bullet in their brain and it will be all your fault for their death," she guaranteed.

John struggled as he got to his feet knowing she was telling the truth. Pain radiated throughout his body as he straightened and tried focusing on breathing. He must have broken a couple of ribs because it was difficult and painful to breathe. Kara motioned at him. "Give me your gun, your cell phone, and our special burner phone." she instructed.

John did as he was told and Kara's brows lifted before pinning him with a cold gaze. "The gun too John, don't test my patience," she snapped.

"I don't have a gun. Joss took it from me last night," he rasped.

Kara smiled. "A defenseless John Reese; it's a gift that just keeps on giving," she laughed as she shot him again and this time he yelped as it hit him in the clavicle and went straight through. Kara dug into her pocket and flung a syringe at him as he trembled in pain. "It's a sedative. Climb into the backseat of that car and inject yourself with it." she ordered. "I would do it myself but I don't trust you to not do something stupid that forces me to kill you."

John unsteadily reached down to grab it as Kara backpedaled to keep well out of his reach. He hobbled over to the car she ran him over with him. She let out an impatient exhale. "Chop, chop John; move faster, my trigger hand is getting itchy unless you want another bullet hole in your body…or in someone else," she stated in impatience.

John managed to do as she wanted. "It's so hot how you just drag yourself to do as I say just to protect those few innocent lives that might or might not appear. No one gave a damn about you; running away and saving themselves. Just like always John: you're unwanted. Yet here you are: doing as I say just because you know I'd kill the next person I see if you don't. So pathetic and so predictable; your humanity is going to be the death of you, John," Kara commented as he collapsed into the backseat and injected the syringe into his neck. The world swam immediately as it was powerful and soon the world faded away.

Kara grinned as he slumped in the backseat as she slammed the door shut before picking up the phones and left them in his car for his little girlfriend to find. She could hear the sirens off in the distance. It was time to leave as she got what she came for. John's cell began ringing and Kara smirked as she slammed the door shut on it, turned and walked unhurriedly to her car.

* * *

AN: I really do appreciate you guys being so patient with me. And same with you Elaine who has to put up with me and my muse.

Thanks for reading XOXOX


	56. Chapter 56

_**AN: This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I ran out of time for everything. I'm sorry. So I am going to post both BMTL and Love's in the Water today. I try to stagger them but since yesterday got a tad busier than expected you get two chapters today.**_

* * *

Joss tried to not panic as her call to John went to voicemail as she climbed into her car. Elias agreed to help them pose as Finch without needing to cash in on the debt owed. John had promised her that he would call her if he felt the urge to do something stupid. She told herself that there was a reasonable explanation for why he wasn't answering her call. John promised and he was a man of his word. _But his demons tried to rule him_ …that tiny voice deep inside her, reminded her.

So she called Finch instead. He answered nearly immediately, "How's Joan and Mr. Reese?"

Joss froze. "You haven't seen John?" she asked urgently.

"No. He was with you." Harold pointed out as uneasiness crept into his voice.

"No, he's not. We split up," she said, which was against her better judgment. "John told me he was heading to the library to speak with you and Shaw."

Harold was silent for a moment. "He never came to the library, Jocelyn. Where did you see him last?" he asked quickly. "I have a GPS tracker in his watch and that should give us his exact location."

She shook her head. "No that won't work because John was in a hurry to go see Joan he forgot his watch in my bathroom. But I know where he was last. I dropped him off at my place to get his car. Shaw left it there when she came by my place with presumably you earlier this morning," she said, making sure she kept calm and not jump to conclusions. But so help her if John promised her something just to get rid of her; his ass was hers! And he had a lot of groveling to do to make up for lying to her. She made a quick right to head back home.

Maybe John had gone inside her place to drink to deal with his depression. It wasn't a good option but she didn't like the alternative. She sped through the light trying to get home quickly.

"Jocelyn, are you there yet?" Finch asked reminding her that she hadn't ended the call. She switched to Bluetooth as she slipped the earwig she was given by her friends into her ear, and pocketed her cell phone.

"No. Not yet," she answered.

Joss pulled onto her street several minutes later and the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach grew. Because there were loads of cop cars and an ambulance, with part of her street sectioned off; the part near her brownstone.

"We have a problem, Finch," she whispered as her grip tightened on the steering wheel.

She pulled the car to the curb, climbed out while tugging her badge out as she rushed to the crime scene tape and the pair of uniformed officers that were standing to make sure no one entered the scene.

"I'm Detective Carter, I live here." she said and at once the uniformed officer let her through. She blinked in surprise when she saw Fusco huddled with a couple of other poorly dressed detectives. "Fusco!" she called out and he turned immediately to look at her. "Fusco, what the hell happened?" she demanded as she sprinted over to him, eyes noting blood on the pavement as she bypassed it as CSU were photographing it. John's car was still parked at the curb.

Fusco turned and winced. "I was just about to call you Carter. Call came in about fifteen minutes ago: Fruity Pebbles struck again and this time right in front of your place."

Joss kept from making a snarky comment about stating the obvious since she wasn't upset with Fusco, "What happened?" Joss demanded as she scanned the area hoping she'd see John hiding in the shadows. Maybe this was why he hadn't gone to the library. Something happened at her place and he stayed behind because he knew she'd come look for him.

Fusco knew this was the tricky part. Carter was going to be upset once she realized what happened. He resignedly told her, "Witnesses saw a woman matching the crazed lunatic's description decked out in a bomb vest run over some tall guy in a suit before shooting him," Fusco said as gently as he could. He knew Carter and Reese were tight. He wished he could reach out and lay a comforting hand on her arm as her face went white. Joss turned blindly running for John's car. "Carter…"

She ignored her friend because John was her only thought. Joss raced to his car and shakily opened the door when sure enough John's cell phone was there. But more than that she found the burner phone that Kara had given John to use so she could get a hold of him, meaning John was alive and had to be bait. Joss snatched it up. She found the unknown number that was Kara; the one that had called just before Joan's shooting and redialed it.

Joss put it to her ear as it rang. " _Jocelyn, what's going on?_ " Finch asked once again, reminding her that she hadn't hung up the connection with him.

"I'm going to find the man I love, Finch," she assured him but quieted up the moment when she heard a click. "Where is he?" she demanded, barely holding back her anger. This woman's sole mission in life was to bring John as much pain as possible wasn't it?

"Hi Joss, it's good to hear from you," Kara greeted.

"Where is he?" she repeated, not playing her game.

Kara exhaled, "No small talk?—alright, fine, Joss, have it your way. John's a little tied up right now so he can't come to the phone, but, rest assured he's plotting my demise as we speak."

That made two of them. "I want to hear him before we go any further," Joss stated succinctly.

"Phone sex at a time like this?—you're kinky, Joss, now it makes sense why John likes you so much," Kara sniped before she sighed. "You two deserve each other with being sticks in the mud. Hold on, let me go get him for you." Joss listened to rustling and Kara's voice as she said something derogatory about her to John. After a minute she heard ragged breathing.

"John?" Joss asked cautiously.

"Joss, don't give her Finch." he said before she heard a hissing sound and then something like more rustling.

"JOHN!" she cried.

"Sorry Joss, John's being unruly and he'll pay for it in a minute. But here's the deal: you can have John back in nearly one piece, in exchange for Harold Finch. I knew the moment I shot down his little homeless woman John would never help me."

Joss licked her dry lips. "What makes you think I even know this man?" she wondered as Fusco sidled up next to her watching with concern.

Kara laughed. "Oh Joss; you're even worse of a liar than John is. Of course you know who this man is. You are working with John in trying to save all these pathetic people's lives; which means you met John's bank-roller."

Joss smiled darkly. Kara still didn't know that Harold Finch was the bank-roller. "I might have met him. But there is no telling if he'll help me find Harold Finch." she said playing the game.

"He will if he values having his muscle around. John is so cute in his homemade bomb vest: you should see him Joss. I'll text you a photo," Kara snapped.

"Hurt him, and I will kill you."

"That's going to be a little difficult Joss since I've already hurt him. And I will be hurting him again and again until I have Harold Finch in my grasps," Kara said. "In fact, let me hurt him right now just for you."

"NO!" she choked out. "Please don't…"

Kara chuckled. "Oh your so adorable Joss. I guess I can wait from playing: 'Operation,' it isn't as much fun if he doesn't scream in pain."

Joss blinked hard trying to take a deep breath. "I'll convince John's boss to give you Finch," she whispered unevenly.

"Good. Bring me Harold Finch at eight o'clock sharp to the south end of Columbus Park and I'll give you John's location."

"JOSS DON'T!" Joss closed her eyes at John's weak voice as he filtered through before Kara hung up with her.

Fusco laid a comforting hand on her arm. "Hey, the big guy is tough; we'll get him back," he said gently.

"We better," Joss said snuffing the crushing anguish inside her, as she focused solely on her cold professionalism. "That bitch is going down," Joss guaranteed her friend, before she turned around, pocketing the burner phone and stormed towards her car. "Finch, I'm on my way: we are going to come up with a full proof plan that takes down Kara Stanton for good."

* * *

John gasped in ragged breaths. Kara had methodically broke enough ribs that made breathing difficult, used her knife to further do damage to the surrounding tissue in his leg that was going to make walking a problem. His various wounds throbbed but he focused on the fact that their ploy could still work. Kara still didn't know who Harold Finch really was and Joss could still pull this off. All this suffering would be worth it then.

Kara smiled as she approached him. "No more foreplay for us John. It's been fun these last few hours but it's almost show time." she said softly as she crouched down in front of him. "Your girlfriend is going to hand me the man that killed us, John."

John leaned his head against the support pole he was tied too. "Should I congratulate you, Kara?"

Kara chuckled. "You should because you weren't going to be able to stop me from getting revenge. I knew how to get what I wanted: use your girlfriend's love for you to my advantage."

He stared into her blackened eyes. "You have no intention of letting me live, Kara."

Kara smiled slowly. "You're right I don't. But I promise to make sure your death is quick. You suffered enough," she vowed as she leaned in and kissed him. "I really am going to miss you," she continued as she pulled back. She armed his bomb vest giving him forty-five minutes. "Goodbye John." Kara said, sounding almost wistful.

And with that she turned and proceeded to leave.

* * *

The car ride, as they drove away from the bunker where Elias was holed up at to Columbus Park, was quiet with Elias only asking questions pertaining to what he needed to know to effectively convince Kara Stanton that he was Finch. She had called him to let him know the change of plans, that she was taking him to the drop off without John because Kara grabbed him. Elias seemed to understand she didn't want to talk about much else. Marconi and Shaw had left at about seven thirty to head to Columbus Park and find the perfect vantage points to get a clear shot at Stanton.

"You'll get him back, detective," Elias reassured breaking the silence.

"Elias, please, I'm not really in the mood to talk," she whispered. "You remember what you need to do right?"

"Yes, of course, detective; get this woman to believe I'm Harold Finch, so you can find out John's location and get him back."

Joss nodded. "Good. Shaw and Marconi are already in position, but Marconi is not to take a shot until Kara lets me know where John is," she said tersely.

Elias smiled. "Yes, I reminded him and even though he doesn't really like John; he likes you so he will make sure John comes out of this in one piece," Elias promised.

Joss shook her head as she drove before she connected with Shaw and Marconi first. "We are about fifteen minutes out from the designated location," she informed them.

" _We're ready and waiting_ ," Shaw answered.

"Good," Joss agreed before switching to Harold, who was sitting with Joan. He needed something to do and sitting with Joan until they had John's location was the best solution. They all knew John would want someone by her side. "How's Joan, so when I find John I can tell him?" Joss asked.

" _Her recovery is miraculous, Jocelyn; the doctors have removed her from life support and she is breathing on her own_."

Joss smiled as finally, for the first time since she learned John was taken by Kara, she had some good news. "That's something I really needed to hear," she said gruffly with tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

" _Yes, when we get Mr. Reese back I'm sure she'll be closer to opening her eyes_ ," he said with much enthusiasm.

"Yea,"

" _We'll get him back Jocelyn_ ," Finch promised.

"We better: he owes me a future together," she replied. "We're about ten minutes out Harold, I have to go, if Joan wakes up while we are dealing with Kara: give her a hug and kiss from John and I both," she demanded.

" _Of course_ …"

Joss nodded as she switched back to Marconi and Shaw as she took a right down a deserted road. "We're almost there,"she said softly. "Keep your eyes peeled, Kara most likely will have some sort of contingency in place," she instructed.

" _Yes ma'am_ ," Marconi answered.

Joss crossed the incoming intersection when she saw movement approaching way too fast. Joss let out a scream just as the Mack Truck T-boned them on Elias's side, sending them rolling. She didn't know which way was up until finally after the fifth time they came to a stop, right-side up.

" _What the fuck is going on?_ " Shaw demanded.

Joss couldn't even tell her because her head swam before her instincts kicked in. She reached for her gun but it was missing it must have fallen from her holster during one of their many rolls and she didn't have any time to search for it. "Elias, you okay?" she asked quietly.

But there was no answer, his head was slumped to the side. Joss looked past him and saw Kara hopping out of the truck and she began to grow more concerned as she reached out to touch Elias's neck and felt relieved when she got a pulse.

Joss trembled as she undid her seatbelt and slid out from the wreckage. "Oh Joss, did you really believe I was going to let you set me up," Kara called out before adding, "Did you really think that I'd believe you'd come alone without that little tasty side-piece John keeps around?" Joss forced herself into a crouched position and waited.

" _Who the hell is she calling little?_ " Shaw demanded. " _Finch!—get me Carter's location from her GPS tracker, Stanton ambushed her._ "

Joss didn't heed any attention to Shaw because she had to solely focus on Kara as she heard her approaching and Joss kept crouched down near the back tire.

Kara grinned as she leaned down and peered inside the passenger side window and found 'Harold Finch.' "Ah, so that's what you look like; I figured you look different, more intelligent." she sneered before glancing at the driver's seat and saw it empty. She pulled her gun out from the back of her pants. "Don't make me kill you Joss; don't you want John's location?" she called out.

"Where is he?" she asked as she heard the soft taps of Kara's footsteps. She was rounding the car and she would strike at the right moment.

Kara didn't answer as she rounded the car and Joss used her agility to launch herself into Kara's midsection and sent them careening onto the pavement. Kara let out a loud 'pfff' as all the air in her lungs was taken and the gun fell out of her hand. Joss scrambled to get to her feet before she kicked it well out of both their reach as Kara easily recovered.

Joss got into the stance that John nearly beat into her consciousness, and blocked a blow before immediately taking a quick swipe of her own. Hers connected with Kara's nose with a satisfying crunch. Kara cried out but recovered instantly from the shock and took her own swing connecting with Joss's chin earning a grunt but Joss danced back to deflect another blow just as John taught her.

Kara's eyes narrowed as her eyes were watering, "The Boy Scout taught you how to fight?" she hissed angrily and out of breath as blood flowed freely from her nose.

"Yea, just for this day, because we knew it was coming," Joss agreed breathless, not about to let her in on the fact that she only had one long lesson and for the most part John kicked her ass.

" _Hold on Carter; we're almost there!_ " Shaw stated loudly through the connection.

Kara lunged forward attacking; Joss did her best to block all the blows and the ones that Kara did manage to connect on weren't ones that could incapacitate her. Joss grunted in pain as Kara's fist connected with her lip, splitting it wide, and Joss dropped to the ground to roll away from her ignoring the stinging pain. John told her to use her speed, agility, and the fact that she was smaller to her advantage. She swept her leg out tripping Kara, and she fell hard.

Joss scrambled to get up to keep the momentum and keep on offense but Kara launched herself like a speeding bullet right into her midsection. Joss felt the wind get knocked out of her as Kara tackled them to the ground but before long they both thrashed in the street, both rolling each gaining the upper hand for a few moments before the other rolled and went on the offensive. This was less a skilled fight and just an all-out brawl, a fight to survive. Joss's knuckles felt broken as she connected several punches against Kara but she ignored the rawness to them.

Joss was flung from on top of Kara and her back smacked hard into the totaled car. She yelped in pain as she got to her knees frantically, seeing Kara was out of breath too. But she looked homicidal.

"You can't kill me, can you?" Kara said raggedly as they both slowly got to their feet.

"I can't until you tell me where John is!" Joss snarled unevenly, trying to catch her breath.

"You're both dead!" Kara vowed as she lunged for Joss again but Joss stepped aside using her speed to her advantage as she sidestepped the woman and she went careening to the ground.

Joss jumped onto of Kara's back, wrapping her arm around her neck. "Last chance to save your life Kara; where is he?" Joss cried. She didn't know how long they had been fighting but Joss was losing steam and so was Kara. But Joss couldn't kill her; not until she gave up John's location and before long Kara used her indecision to her advantage and flipped her. Joss moaned as her head hit the pavement and hard.

Kara straddled her wrapping her hands around her neck restricting her air flow. Joss gasped as the pain in her back took a back seat to the fact that she couldn't breathe. Joss thrashed and grabbed at the hands around her neck desperately trying to get air.

"He's someplace close Joss," Kara said with maniacal laughter.

Joss desperately held off the desire to lose consciousness needing to hear where John was because Kara thought she had her but Joss had an ace up her sleeve as she slowly reached into her pocket for her knife. John had told her about the knife Kara always brought with her, well, she brought one too. She managed to free it from her pocket as she waited for the woman to gloat and tell her where John was before she tried to strangle her to death.

"He's…" Kara began but her entire body jerked as a loud booming sound erupted and Joss closed her eyes as blood sprayed her and the pressure on her neck was gone and she could breathe again.

Joss gasped and choked in air as Kara slumped forward. "Kara?" Joss coughed as she pushed the woman off her and sat up and saw Shaw lowering her gun down. "No, no, no…she was going to tell me where John was!" Joss cried as Marconi ran past the lifeless body of Kara Stanton to get to Elias.

"Boss, boss," he called as he ran to the driver's side door because the passenger's was crumpled inward.

Shaw looked at Joss as she kept her gun trained on Kara but it was unnecessary since it was a kill shot. "She was going to kill you Carter." Shaw murmured as Joss scrambled to her feet.

"No! I was going to stop her with this." Joss cried as she pulled her knife out. "Now I will never find John in time, Shaw!"

Shaw stared at her helplessly and they all ducked as a loud booming explosion happened about a mile away.

* * *

AN: Well Kara is dead but John is still missing. Poor Shaw. Poor Joss. Hell even poor Elias. I know everyone wanted Elias to pull the wool over Kara's eyes but Kara wasn't going to let them set her up.

Thanks for reading it's about to get even crazier!


	57. Chapter 57

**_AN: Italics is a flashback but not from too far ago ;D_**

* * *

 _John leaned his head back against the pole he was tied too. His body ached and he was floating between consciousness and unconsciousness for the last hour and a half. He had no clue what was going on but he knew time was running out._

 _He heard a rustling sound as he forced one tired eyelid up. "Joss?" he croaked.  
_

" _Not your detective…"_

 _John struggled to put a face to the voice until the woman moved from the shadows. He shook his head. "Root?" he questioned. Was he having a nightmare?_

" _Hi, John, turn that frown upside down, I'm here to save you," Root said with a smile as she approached where he sat. She looked down at the bomb vest that was down to fifteen minutes left. "I came at the perfect time too."_

 _He stared at her; this had to be the worst hallucination ever. Why couldn't he hallucinate Joss to be with him at the time of his death? Was he really a glutton for punishment? But after a few moments of Root scrutinizing his bomb vest he slowly begun to realize she wasn't a figment of his imagination._

" _How did you find me?" he demanded gruffly. At least conversation, even conversation with a woman he hated for taking Finch, could keep him conscious._

 _Root crouched down in front of him. "I was there at your girlfriend's place when your former partner ran you over. She and I had a similar plan," Root said coyly before a dopey smile filled her face. "I really do enjoy a good love story. A cop and a criminal; on opposites sides of the law and yet they fall in love; makes you believe love can happen for everyone," she sighed dreamily._

 _He cocked a brow as Root pulled out her cell phone. "Similar plan?" he repeated._

" _Yes. You're really the perfect bait, John; to your girlfriend and to Harry," Root explained. "I knew you, you wouldn't give up Harry to your former partner because you're his pet; you'd die to protect Harold. And Harry really cares about you so…" Root trailed off as she proceeded to hack the phone to stop the timer. Root grinned. This phone was child's play for her and she would finally have the right ammo to force Harry to help her save the machine. It was injured and in need of help; Root eyed the big lug's various crimson stains…so was John apparently._

 _John struggled as he realized Root was there to rescue him alright, but for her own gain as she was going to grab him to lure Finch out. "Don't struggle John; it will make things worse for you," Root reprimanded softly as if she gave a damn. "You're already pale and sweaty and look to be close to losing consciousness from blood loss, but I don't believe you're in any danger of bleeding out; at least not yet. I have to get the bomb vest off you but unfortunately your ex-partner wanted to overkill you and anyone that tried to rescue you because she has the entire place rigged to explode. There is enough ANFO in this building that is rigged to go off the same time as your bomb vest to make sure there is nothing left to find."_

" _Leave me," he growled._

 _Root giggled. "But I can't do that John. Harry likes you and would come to me so you can be safe. The machine is in dire trouble and being targeted and it can't fight back. Harold did something to it; not that you'd understand. But Harold is going to help me find it and we are going to set it free, John. This isn't a kidnapping; it's forced coercion to help on a rescue mission," Root clarified._

 _John struggled fruitlessly in his binds. Kara had tied them extremely tight knowing he would be able to snap his wrist to try to get out of them. She made it so tight it cut off the blood circulation so his hands went numb so doing much of anything was difficult._

" _Touch Harold and I'll kill you!" he snarled as she smiled in success as the bomb stopped counting down and they had ten minutes to spare._

 _Root eyed him. "Oh, John, is that anyway to speak to your savior?" she teased as she pocketed her cell phone before pulling out a syringe. "I promise you John: I won't hurt him if he agrees to help me. Now this will help you relax to let me save you." she murmured as she injected the syringe into his neck and watched as he struggled against the sedative futilely before he went slack. "See, was that so bad?" Root ruffled his hair before getting up and tugged out a blade and cut the ties around his arms._

 _John's limp arms parted and Root grinned as she grabbed under his arms and proceeded to drag him with her painstakingly slow. "Come along John, you're pivotal in saving the machine."_

* * *

Finch waited with Joan, wrought with worry, worry for Joan, Jocelyn, and John. This was all his fault, if only Mr. Reese had given him to Kara Stanton the first time around; then no one else would have gotten hurt. And John wouldn't be missing right now. He wished there was more he could do besides sitting in a chair outside of Joan's room, waiting for her to awake. But he promised Joss that he wouldn't leave Joan's side until he knew it was safe too. Because John would want it that way, but that didn't mean that he didn't wish he had not made such a promise. But he was a man of his word, just as much as Joss and John was. So he stayed.

And finally he received a call but the ringtone was different. He set Jocelyn, Ms. Shaw's, Detective Fusco's, and Mr. Reese's numbers to one set ringtone. This one was different, unknown and he grew hesitant as he pulled his cell out and didn't recognize the number.

He answered cautiously, "Hello." praying it wasn't Ms. Stanton but if it was, he'd gladly give himself up to her to save John and his friends.

"Hi Harry," Finch froze in shock when Root's voice sounded.

"How did you get this number?"

Root chuckled. "That's not really important, but what is: is your machine. It needs help Harry. How come it can't defend itself from a simple virus? What did you do to cripple it?" she demanded angrily.

He absently rubbed his hand where she cut him. "H-how do you know about what's happening to the machine?"

"When you find the right people you can learn the knowledge you need. Let's just say I had to quit my job recently and my boss was _very_ knowledgeable on what was going on with it," she murmured. "Harold, we need to work together to save it. It's close to crashing."

"And if I refuse?" Harold asked.

"You don't want to refuse, Harry," Root said with a smile sounding in her voice. "Unless you don't like John anymore. I can understand: he's just a pet, the hired muscle. I'm sure you could find a new one." she laughed.

Harold felt his heart stop. "John?"

"Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that I saved the big lug from his homicidal ex-partner but he doesn't look so good," Root murmured.

"I come to you, you'll let him go?" Harold questioned as he unsteadily got to his feet. He looked in on Joan, through the window, as she laid in the bed, still not awake.

"You come to me; I'll text his girlfriend his location and John will be safe. No tricks, John and his detective found Hanna for me, proved I was right. I don't want the big lug to do die but it's simple: you come to help me save the machine and set it free, and John is safe," Root said softly. "It's your choice."

"Where do you want to meet, Ms. Groves?"

"Just like that?—the big lug means that much to you?"

"Yes, he's not an animal, he's my friend. Where do you wish to meet at?" Harold replied shortly.

"Where we first met, Harry, I'll be waiting for you and once you show up…alone, I'll text John's detective his location. He should have enough in him for his girlfriend to save the day," Root murmured.

Harold didn't say another word as he hung up with Ms. Groves. He gave Joan one last glance. "I'm sorry Jocelyn, for breaking my promise, but I can't let John die." he whispered to himself and with that he turned and hobbled away. 

* * *

Shaw hated herself. She drove while Carter sat in the passenger seat looking ready to jump out of her skin. Elias was awake but a bit woozy in the backseat with Marconi right beside him. Kara's dead body was in her trunk. Shaw had texted Fusco to clean up any possible remnants of Carter at the scene before they all hopped into her car and sped to where the large billowing smoke was filling the sky, clear even at night. Sirens upon sirens were blaring. FBI would be all over this since they would investigate it to see if it was a possible terrorist attack. She'd have to break in their facility and carefully remove any evidence of John once she knew if they were handling the case.

"Detective, if anyone can escape a bombing it's John." Elias said gently as he could as he quietly held his head, he had a pounding headache. The gash on his forehead, thankfully, had stopped bleeding.

"You don't know that," Joss whimpered. "John escaped a cruise missile but how many bombings can you escape before your luck runs out!" she said, trying to keep calm but it wasn't working. Her body throbbed from the wreck and the brawl that ensued afterwards. Kara would kill John just to get the last laugh. That woman was lucky she was dead…

Shaw slowed to a stop as just ahead there was a roadblock and the cop cars blocked their way forward. "They aren't going to let us past and we got a fugitive in the backseat." Shaw whispered.

Joss looked at Shaw angrily. "They won't let you people through, they'll let me." she snapped, not ready to forgive Shaw. She grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open and climbed out. "Take Elias back where he belongs."

"Carter, don't sit me on the side-"

But the rest of what she was going to say was drowned out as Joss slammed the door shut. She turned and rushed to the roadblocks. She weaved through the throng of onlookers, and news reporters to get to the cop car stationed to send people away.

The cop in the SUV rolled his window down. "Ma'am this is an active scene and…"

Joss dug her wallet out with her badge. At least it was something that she didn't lose in the car wreck. "I'm Detective Carter, I want to help!" she said interrupting him. It was paramount that she got in there and searched for John. There was no telling if he got out and where he'd be and he would be in need of some help. She refused to believe that he was gone. She just refused too.

"We could use all the help we can get with clearing out evacuees," the patrolman agreed.

"Thanks," Joss stated before slipping past the road block signs and hurried away without a backward glance.

Joss had a specific evacuee in mind that she wanted to help. But while she needed to aide John she also helped point where frightened civilians were still exiting their homes and businesses. She sprinted forward with her heart in her throat as she came upon the building that was burning.

She looked at the fire chief. "What's going on?" she asked shakily.

He looked at her and she flashed her badge. "Explosion; Bomb Squad is here searching for any other active devices. FBI is currently leading charge and I won't send my men in that building unless I know it won't collapse on top of us," he said dismissively as he walked hurriedly forward.

"Anyone come out of the building?" she asked as she hurried to keep beside him.

"Not that I know of," he muttered and then with that he left and didn't pay her any more attention.

Joss stared helplessly at the burning building. She swallowed hard as she looked around searching for John before her phone buzzed with a text. She almost ignored it, almost, but changed her mind because what if it was John or her son. She tugged it out distractedly as she scanned the surrounding area of the burning building, looking hopelessly for the man she loved.

She pulled her gaze away when she didn't see him. Joss furrowed her brows at the text from an unknown number. It was an address and not that far away from here. In fact it was about a ten minute drive; short enough for a man that was injured to get too and call for help. Knowing John he probably pick-pocketed someone for their phone.

She turned and ran as she did she called Shaw. Shaw answered on the first ring, "Carter, listen…"

"You want to make it up to me: turn your ass around and pick me up. I just received a text from an unknown number to an address that's not that far from here, it could be from John texting me to pick him up," she said urgently.

"I'll be there in a minute," Shaw promised before she hung up on her, but not before she heard tires squeal.

Joss turned and rushed down an alleyway, so the cop that let her in to help with evacuees didn't see her already leaving. Her phone buzzed again with another text and she slowed her pace to a brisk walk. She read it and then pocketed it. She took the corner of the alleyway fast and saw a black car pulling up quick and knew it was Shaw. Of course Shaw would turn around and practically speed to come pick her up.

The car slammed to a stop in front of her and she quickly grabbed the passenger side door and climbed in. The very moment the door shut was when she stomped on the gas pedal. "Where to?" Shaw asked.

"I'll tell you when to turn. NYPD is going to have this entire section blocked off, I'll take you the roundabout way; so just drive straight," she instructed.

"Will do," Shaw agreed.

Joss turned to look at Marconi and then Elias. "You guys don't mind taking a pit stop?" she asked, not really caring if they minded or not.

Elias smirked. "Would it matter if we said yes?"

"I could have Shaw drop your ass off right here and you can find a way out in the open to get your ass back underground," Joss agreed. "You'd be caught in minutes with all the police personnel out right now."

Elias chuckled while Marconi smiled but neither commented.

Joss turned back around in her seat. "Take the next street and turn right." Joss instructed and Shaw just nodded. She looked at Shaw, seeing the way she gripped the wheel and the look of anger on her face. "Shaw…" she started.

"I screwed up, Carter. My trigger finger got itchy when Marconi and I came up on the scene; I knew you were fishing for Reese's location and I got impatient. It's my fault," Shaw stated tersely.

"Yea, you did, but let's focus on finding John," she said before telling her to take another right.

Shaw frowned. "Where are we going?" she wondered as they entered a school zone that was behind the explosion. The smoke was behind them now.

"I think it's the old school that was shut down last year because they built a brand new one just a block or two down. This school was open for a long time and it was falling apart until it was voted to build a state-of-the-art facility for the middle school," Joss explained. She remembered voting to raise their taxes to pay for the school. This old one needed a new roof, new plumbing, electrical, and more rooms, etcetera etcetera.

Shaw came up to the brown bricked old middle school and she pulled to a stop at curbside. They climbed out of the car and Joss looked down. "Marconi, you're coming with us: if John's injured you can help us get him out," Joss stated, not asked. Marconi nodded before he climbed out.

Joss ran with Marconi and Shaw beside her and they came up to the front entrance. Sure enough the door was cracked open. Illegal scrappers had done a number on this school that she hoped like hell was on the list to be demolished.

"Where would Reese be at in here?" Shaw demanded.

"The second text I got said to look in the gymnasium," Joss whispered. Shaw took her gun out. "What are you doing? We're here for John not to shoot somebody!" she snapped.

Shaw looked at her. "You don't know who texted you, this could be a trap of some kind," Shaw pointed out. Joss nodded, she hadn't thought of that her one and only thought was John. But the unknown texter didn't exactly say it was John. But she nodded as she let Shaw go in front of her and Marconi took the rear since she was weaponless.

They moved slowly but found the gymnasium at the end of the long hall and Shaw pushed through the double doors. Joss moved forward and in the middle of the basketball court on the red circle lay John on his side with a flashlight emitting near his face.

"JOHN!" she cried as she ran to him.

He moaned as she fell to her knees in front of him. "John," Joss said again as she touched his sweaty cheek. Even in the bad lighting from the flashlight he looked pale.

"Joss?" he whispered raggedly with a puff of air as he grimaced, making her wonder if he broke a rib or two when Kara ran him down.

"Yes, I'm here John. I got you," she promised as his eyes managed to open after a moment. He looked unsure of where he was and pain etched hard on his face.

Shaw quickly took note of his injuries; at least three or more broken ribs, gunshot wound to the leg that was still bleeding, but the worst one was his shoulder. It looked like it went straight through but that meant it broke some part of his clavicle due to the position of the wound. "He's lost some blood, but nothing that looks fatal," Shaw murmured quickly. Now that they had Reese back that meant Carter couldn't hate her.

"I think he has some broken ribs," Joss admitted at John's labored breathing.

Joss frowned as John grew frantic. "No…." he groaned. "No, you're not supposed to be here, Joss…" he whispered as he struggled to sit up. Joss, Shaw, and Marconi helped him up and it seemed John was slowly getting his bearings as he looked around wildly. "No…she's has him. H-he gave himself up for me," he said wounded.

Joss touched John's face. "Kara doesn't have Finch, John, we made sure of that. Elias was going to pose as Finch. He's safe and now so are you," she said softly, wanting to reassure him. John was clearly not with it, they had to get him some medical treatment.

He shook his head. "No, not Kara…Root, Root has Finch," he moaned as he grew frantic to get up. "W-we have t-to find them," he gasped as too many sets of hands were keeping him from standing. His head swam, his entire body ached, and throbbing pain ebbed from his shoulder and leg the most. Breathing without intense pain was nearly impossible with the ribs Kara broke.

Shaw eyed Reese sharply. "Root?—as in the bitch that tortured me? The one I was searching for, that Root?" she demanded.

"Y-yes," he hissed in pain.

Joss eyed John in confusion. "What are you talking about John?" she asked. He had to be delirious. Finch was with Joan.

John struggled to get up and when he was met with resistance he groaned as he realized he wasn't going to be let up until he explained. Everyone was holding him down while trying to apply pressure to his wounds.

"Let us help you Reese; the boss and Carter like you," Marconi instructed in annoyance.

"My bomb vest was counting down and Root rescued me to make me serve as bait; she needs Finch." he whispered, careful of what he was saying since he finally noticed it was Marconi with them. "Help me up. We need to go find Finch."

Joss, Shaw, and Marconi helped John up. She kept a firm hand on John's elbow as Marconi did on the other as they led him away. Shaw noted the blood. She would have to call Fusco to clean up this area too. And she would have to slip into the NYPD and get any documentation of John's blood being found at the scene near Carter's place too.

"We'll find Finch, but first things first: you're going to go to Mandani," Joss stated firmly.

"No time, Finch is out there."

"Well we are going to make time, John, because Finch's life matters but so does yours!" Joss snapped. "Root grabbed you to get him and she kept up her side of the bargain since I got the text of your location; that means she needs him alive. And I need _you_ alive," Joss said firmly.

Marconi snickered. "I'm glad she doesn't only bark orders at the boss and me," he muttered under his breath.

They exited and thankfully John didn't argue much, he seemed resigned to the fact that no one was going to listen to him. They'd find Finch but after they got him some medical treatment. Elias climbed out of the car.

"John, you are looking well," Elias said jovially.

John panted in breath as he eyed Elias's injuries, "Better than you," he muttered which had Elias laughing.

Joss was annoyed that John was making light of his condition, "Help me get him in the backseat. Marconi ride up front with Shaw," Joss barked out more orders. No one dared to make a glib comment by her tone. Not even John, who lived and breathed to argue with her and that worried her that he was worse off than he was letting on. She couldn't lose him; she refused to, and if she had to blackmail and force him to take care of himself then so be it.

Elias helped keep a hand on John as he slowly fell into the backseat rather than sat. He grimaced which was the only sign of any pain he was enduring. Joss rushed around and climbed into the backseat and scooted close to John, so Elias had enough space to climb in. It was roomy in the backseat for three people but she would be glad to be rid of Elias and Marconi. But even though their plan to use Elias to play Finch fell through maybe it was a good thing they were here, to help get John.

Once everyone was inside; Joss pressed a hand to John's wound in his shoulder as it was the one that was bleeding the worst as it went straight through, and flitted her other hand through his hair. Joss stared at him as he rested his head against the headrest.

"Shaw, take Marconi and Elias back first," John rasped.

"No, we are taking you…" Joss began but was cut off.

"Shaw, take Marconi and Elias back to where we are stashing them," John said louder, with lots of gasping as he spoke over Joss.*

Joss clamped her mouth shut and Shaw snickered. "You're so in the doghouse for that one, Reese. But sorry, Carter, I actually agree with Reese on this: he'll be able to make it through the pit stop so we can drop them off," Shaw assured her.

Joss reluctantly agreed, but only because she knew that Shaw had a medical background and if she thought John wouldn't bleed to death from the few extra minutes than she was alright with it. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to worry until he was not bleeding anymore. Or be happy about it.

"You're lucky you're injured and I'm too worried about you to argue with you or yell at you for talking over me," she whispered.

John let out a wounded chuckle. "Don't make me laugh, Joss, it hurts," he responded dryly.

"We could help, Carter." Marconi offered finally. "We could help find Finch."

"Harold's missing?" Elias piped up.

"I know you guys can help but we'll take it from here," Joss assured him. "But if we need you: we know where to find you," she said as she crowded closer to John.

* * *

AN: Just one crisis after another for team machine. But at least they got John back, a little worse for wear, but he's back :D Now things are about to get crazier with an injured John on the hunt for Harold but I'm not sidelining Joss because I thought she would have made an invaluable asset in the last couple episodes of s2. But no, the show had to stupidly sideline her because they knew they were going to kill her off. *sigh* ignore this whining ramble.

Thanks for reading!


	58. Chapter 58

John groaned as the last stitch was finally finished. Shaw had dropped Elias and Marconi off while calling Mandani to meet them at the safe house because they had a patient for him. Mandani hadn't been happy to learn it was John yet again. But thankfully Harold had spared no expense when he renovated the safe house. It was highly secure, but also it held a lot of medical equipment you could only find at a hospital. Since John and Shaw couldn't exactly go to a normal hospital since they would call the police for any gunshot wound they find; they needed an x-ray machine, hospital supplies, a heart monitor and such. Joss didn't care to bring John here but at least it was a pseudo-hospital where John would get excellent care. She trusted Farouk Mandani and Megan Tillman.

Mandani looked at him firmly as he laid a Figure 8 brace on the bed, near his feet. "I'm assuming you remember how to use a crutch and you're lucky I slid this brace inside my medical bag before coming here from Shaw's explanation of the location of your gunshot wound. I'm growing tired of coming to see you in such a way," he murmured as Shaw took the removed bullets to dispose of them while Joss paced back and forth through the room.

"That makes me and you both," John muttered as he sat up on the bed.

Joss hurried forward as she fussed with him, ignoring his attempt to shoo her hands away. "I'm doing it!" Joss snapped at him as she tugged the shirt from him. She grumbled under her breath about him being a macho man that needed to do everything himself and she was standing right there and could help.

John sighed but relented as he clearly heard her complaining; she held it out and helped slip the shirt up his injured side and pulled it over and he easily slid his good arm through the sleeve. Joss pulled the shirt together and begun doing the buttons. John wisely remained silent as she did the buttons for him. "Leave it untucked." she ordered. She wasn't sure if she was thankful or not that they kept a spare for John here. But she was very grateful that it was a button up since John had a clean break in his clavicle due to the bullet that speared through. Thankfully he didn't need surgery.

Mandani looked at her sensing he had an ally. "Here: since you seem to care more about his well-being then John does, make sure he takes two of these for the next ten days to make sure he doesn't get an infection. They will help with the pain too. Also he should ice it for any additional swelling. And he _has_ to wear that brace unless of course he wants surgery and wants his clavicle to heal improperly." Mandani said with a fixed look at him. John rolled his eyes.

Joss took the pill bottle with a smile. "Will do; I'll make sure he takes it easy and lets himself heal." she assured.

Mandani smiled. "I'm sure he'll listen to you. Text me next week when it will be a good time to come and see him here so I can make sure the bone is healing correctly." he said and with one final glare at John, he turned and exited the room.

Joss turned to look at John and pushed him back down as he went to stand from the bed. "Sit." she commanded shortly. "You need to get your damn brace on."

Joss helped John get his brace on, since it was a buckle design on his back; he was going to need some help getting it on and off. She made sure it was nice and comfortable, but also in the correct position so his clavicle could heal right. She wished it was a little more elaborate than it was because John wasn't being impeded by it much.

Once complete she stood up, stepped in front of him and cupped his cheeks and leaned down and kissed him ignoring the stinging pain in her lip. She needed too. She had been so damn scared that she lost him. He was injured but nothing life threatening and she could finally breathe a little easier. John sighed as he kissed her back and she pulled back after a few moments.

"I was so scared I lost you, John," she whispered. While they were getting John medical care Fusco was in the process of removing any evidence of John's presence from the NYPD. Shaw promised she would break into the FBI field office in New York to find and remove John's DNA after they managed to get Finch back.

John looked up into her eyes and was about to say something before his eyes narrowed on her lip. She winced knowing he wasn't going to miss it for very long; not with the pain meds Mandani had already administered that had to have made the pain bearable and wrapped his ribs securely.

"Your lip, what happened?" he demanded as he leaned back and ran a critical eye over her. He reached up and roughly lifted her chin and she saw the flash of anger as he saw the bruises around her neck.

"You're ex-partner happened. She rammed the car I was driving in with Elias to go do the meet and greet with her. She didn't trust me to not have backup, which she was right too, and she T-boned us. I should have seen it coming since that is her MO but stupidly I didn't," she admitted before continuing before he could interrupt. "I wasn't injured that badly I got mostly sore muscles and have a headache. Elias was injured worse than me because his side took the brunt of the impact. The split lip, bruises, and sore back come from the fact that Kara and I got into a brawl."

"Did you kill her?"

"No, broke her nose and gave her some good licks, but Shaw did," Joss said, not about to tell John that she had been trying to hold off from taking the lethal shot until she had his location. She didn't want to hear him tell her that her life mattered more than his. His life mattered to her.

John nodded. "Good, where is Kara?" he asked finally.

"Well, she had been in the back Shaw's trunk; we couldn't leave her in the middle of the pavement dead. Fusco and Shaw are going to conveniently make sure your blood found at each scene: where the explosion erupted, the old school, and on the street in front of my place, disappear," Joss murmured.

Shaw entered the room. "Marconi offered to dispose of Stanton's body for us so we could focus on finding Finch, so as we dropped them off at their underground bunker, he took her body." she added, suggesting she was eavesdropping on the conversation.

John frowned. Was that why it took so long to drop them off? Things between then and now were there but in fragments. "Do you trust him to do it quietly and not want something in return?" he asked.

Shaw smirked. "Hell yes; Marconi was livid over Elias's minor injuries he sustained in the car wreck Stanton created: he'll dispose of her body efficiently and where no one will ever find her. And the things he vowed he'd do to Stanton if Elias was dead were kind of hot," Shaw murmured.

John made a face. Joss shook her head. Of course Shaw would get turned on by a man whose main purpose was to be an enforcer for a crime lord.

"We need to find Finch," John said quietly, reminding them of their current crisis. Joss just wished for one damn normal day for them.

Joss sighed. "I know and we will but you won't. John you can barely walk with the gunshot wound to your leg, you're down an arm and you can barely breathe without wincing. You should let Shaw, Fusco, and I get Finch. Go be with Joan; sit with her and be with her until she wakes up. She's already making steady progress," she suggested.

He shook his head. "No, Finch gave himself up for me; I have to find him. But we'll send Fusco to sit with Joan," he murmured wanting someone Joan knew by her side so she wasn't alone.

"Are you crazy?—I just listed all your injuries and you want to sit a guy out who has none? John, we need all hands on deck if what you said about Root saying the machine was failing is true."

Shaw looked between them both before looking at Reese fully. "Tell us exactly what Root said that you can remember, it might help us find them so I can kill her," Shaw said.

"Not kill her," Joss interjected.

"Root told me that the machine needed help and that she knew that Harold would give himself up to her in exchange for my location. She got me out of the bomb vest and bindings, but not before she sedated me. The next thing I know I woke up with you guys in that school, which means Finch went to her and she held up her side of the bargain," he explained the limited facts that he could remember and was aware of.

"But Root didn't take everything into account," John added quietly as he let Joss help him stand.

"What?" Shaw wondered.

"We lost him once, so I put a GPS tracker in Finch's glasses so that if anything ever happened again I could find him easier," John admitted.

Shaw's brows rose. "You bugged your friend?"

"Why does that surprise you, Shaw? I'm sure I have ten on me, you have a couple, Taylor has to have some himself, and god knows Joan will have several on her soon," Joss muttered.

"You don't have ten," John said defensively.

Joss eyed him pointedly. "How many do you have on me and my desk at work?"

"I don't see how this…" John started.

"How many John?" she repeated and spoke over him.

"Four," he conceded.

"I rest my case," Joss teased as she shoved the crutch under his good arm. John gave her the evil eye but she didn't care. If she would have to browbeat him into taking care of himself, then so be it. Since John wasn't letting her sit him out then he was going to do things her way.

John groaned quietly as they moved out of the room, "Let's head to the library, to finish this once and for all."

"John if we are bringing Fusco along with us for extra fire power, then we need to tell him about the machine. I think he's proved that he's trustworthy enough to be let in on that fact," Joss said, speaking up for her friend.

John was quiet for a moment. "Alright, see if you can get him to agree," he agreed.

Joss smiled. Maybe it seemed John was finally seeing the change in Fusco. She was grateful. Fusco worked hard at cleaning himself up and she knew how much John's respect meant to Fusco. "Are you giving me the okay to tell him about the machine, John?" Joss asked, making sure.

"Yes, I know Finch will not agree with me but Fusco has shown he's loyal to us," John said.

Joss smiled happy for her friend and partner. "Okay, I'll go pick up Fusco and bring him up to speed; Shaw can drive you to the library."

* * *

Fusco glared at her as they drove to the library. "I preferred being blissfully ignorant of where our little weirdos got their information. Because knowing there is an artificial intelligence out there watching us with eyes and ears everywhere just freaks me the hell out, Carter!"

"Well you said you wanted to be brought into the fold, well now you are," Joss said with a smile.

"But…an artificial intelligence…"

"I know, but you'll get more used to it as time passes," she promised.

Fusco sincerely doubted that but nodded anyways. He needed to change the subject because the one they were on made him believe he was close to losing his mind. So he asked, "So how did Mr. Stormy convince you to not sit on him the sidelines to find Glasses?"

She snorted. "He didn't convince me but John's stubborn as a mule. He won't sit out even if it's best for him because it is. John's pale as a ghost, in a lot of pain, and can hardly walk with the gunshot wound to the thigh and damage to the surrounding tissue. But will that stop John….no, neither will the fact that breathing is difficult with his three broken ribs. Or the broken clavicle," she snapped and Fusco whistled at the amount of injuries John had. "Kara did a number on John," Joss murmured angrily.

"How is wonder-boy even able to move?"

"He drags himself. He is running on pure adrenaline and I know the moment we have Finch back; he'll come crashing down to reality and when he does I'm going to be there to take him home and take care of him," Joss admitted.

Fusco smiled. "It's good that wonder-boy has someone that loves him like you do."

She smiled softly. "It's not all one sided Fusco. John loves me. And John respects you," she murmured and he snorted. "He does. He is the one that gave me the okay to bring you into this, Fusco. He sees your change and he values it, your loyalty and friendship."

Fusco got quiet as he thought about what she said. "I need you to keep an eye on Shaw. Shaw's thirsty for Root's blood and I need to stick by John's side. Root already knows John is injured and John's only thought is Finch. I have to be the one that thinks about John's well-being, so I need you to keep Shaw in line," she instructed.

She pulled up to the curb, parking as near to the library as she could before they exited the car and walked the rest of the way. She threw away her empty cup of coffee in a nearby trash bin running on pure adrenaline and caffeine as she hadn't slept in well over twenty-four hours. Joss was sleep deprived but she wasn't going to sleep until they had Finch safe and John was with her. They entered the library quietly and ascended the stairs and could hear John and Shaw talking. Joss sped up, wanting to see John and make sure he wasn't bleeding.

Joss made a sound of distress as she came upon them after entering the padlocked gate. John looked terrible. Both Shaw and John turned, apparently her sound of anguish was loud enough, and Shaw smirked.

"I told you Reese, you looked like shit," Shaw commented and stepped away from Reese as Joss made a beeline for him.

He swallowed hard as she stormed over to him. "I'll be okay enough to save Finch," he stated and tried to not fidget under her keen gaze as it ran over him before pinning him with a firm glare.

"You're anything but okay John. You look ready to drop right now. You have broken ribs, a broken clavicle, and you lost a lot of blood. Please, just sit this one out and let me, Fusco, and Shaw get him back for you," she pleaded.

"No." he stated but nodded to the pane where a photo was taped to it. "We have a new number, I was hoping you and Fusco could work it while Shaw and I go search for Finch."

"No." she snapped as decisively as he had to her. "John, you can't walk," she pointed to the crutch. "Please, I know you want to help but going out there and collapsing isn't going to help find Finch. It will be a hindrance."

Fusco and Shaw eyed the pair. "Wonder-Boy doesn't stand a chance in hell with Carter poking at him," he murmured.

Shaw glanced at Fusco. "Carter already brandished him with her name on his ass," she agreed with a snicker.

Joss glanced at their friends and noticed they were talking and motioning at them but she didn't care. She was only interested on one thing at the moment: getting John to agree to sit this one out. She focused on the said man.

"John, please…"

John exhaled. "The number, Ernest Thornhill, doesn't really have a digital footprint but I'm no Finch so he might be able to dig up more than what I could. What I did manage to get is that he is the CEO of a data entry company and has recently bought several payphone companies in the state. His net worth is just over 20 million," he muttered.

"Are there any suspects or angry family members?" Joss asked, resigned that she hadn't been able to convince John yet.

Shaw and Fusco listened intently. "Thornhill is very careful. I thought I could hack something as simple as a data entry company, or at least I thought so. His firewall is beyond my skills, maybe even better than Finch's," John murmured.

"I say we go old school and pay Thornhill a visit in person?" Shaw suggested.

John nodded in agreement. "Joss and Fus…"

"No," Joss spoke up. "Fusco and I won't be the ones to visit Thornhill; Fusco and Shaw can go while you sit down and relax a little and I'll go to the precinct and dig up what I can about Thornhill there. Root needs Finch to save the machine, John. She's not going to hurt him when she needs him," she said tersely and waited for John to argue with her but John slumped into the chair that usually was occupied by Finch.

"Alright, you win Joss," he said meekly.

Joss watched in distress that John seemed to be running out steam. "Please, go sit with Joan. We can handle this without you," she asked.

"I agreed to sit and let you go find out about Thornhill. I agree with your assessment about Finch and Root. But the moment we have his location, I'm going with you,"he said sternly, not budging on helping get their friend back. He couldn't. He knew about Finch's issues after they got him back from Root. But Finch gave himself up to the woman that traumatized him…because of him.

Joss frowned as she took what she got as she turned to look at Fusco and Shaw. "Hurry to Thornhill's place of work, there is no telling if we got this number late or not-not with the machine close to crashing." she instructed. "I'll head to the precinct and get what I can about Thornhill while John can continue to try to collect more information for us to figure out who this man is," she said and with a look to John. She tried to shelf her worry as she hurried out of the library with Shaw and Fusco by her side.

"Reese is a mess, Carter; he can't help us take down Root," Shaw muttered quietly as the three of them left.

"I know, but John doesn't care and knowing him, if we try to stop him he'll go it alone anyways. I'd rather know where he is and keep an eye on him then not," she whispered as they walked down the corridor.

It took them about twenty minutes to find the data entry company's office that Thornhill owned. Fusco and Shaw rode up the elevator to the floor his offices were at and they entered the glass doors, seeing men and women sitting at rows of computers all hard at work.

"Ugh, nerd heaven," Shaw complained.

Fusco nodded. "Einstein would fit right in here,"he agreed.

"Let's split up," she murmured as she broke apart from him.

Fusco nodded and looked around and found a pretty woman walking to a desk. She most likely was the secretary and he strode over to her. "Hello," Fusco said with a charming smile which earned a smile from the young woman in response.

"Hello, how may I help you today?" she asked as she sat down at her desk.

"Yes, I'm Detective Fusco. I need to speak with Mr. Thornhill," Fusco said as he produced his badge.

The woman looked at him in surprise. "Oh dear is there some trouble?"

"I can't answer that, but I need to speak to Mr. Thornhill," he repeated.

She looked down at a planner. "I don't have any appointments scheduled today for Mr. Thornhill and he's not in the office." she said.

"Do you know when will he be back?" Fusco wondered mildly.

The woman didn't immediately respond and he realized she was going to stonewall him. "I'm sorry, no I don't," she said primly before phone rang and she answered it.

Fusco nodded and turned to walk away. "Shaw, find anything?" he wondered.

Shaw looked around and reached down into a wastebasket and eyed the paperwork. She recognized it as computer code but otherwise couldn't make heads or tails of it. " _This company is fucking weird_ ," Shaw muttered as she flung the code back into the trash.

"Maybe this company is a front for something else, something less legal," Fusco murmured.

" _I think you're right_ ," Shaw agreed as they reconvened at the door and exited together. "Maybe Carter or Reese will have more info for us."

* * *

Joss called John as she sat at her desk about twenty minutes later. "Yes, Joss," he replied softly.

"Are you sitting?" she asked immediately before she told him what she found out.

John sighed, "I am," he answered. His voice sounded heavy like he had been sleeping and she was ticked that she might have awakened him.

"Good, so I looked into Thornhill and the company he owns for you and this business looks like a front for something else for some kind of illegal enterprise."

"As we figured," Fusco said alerting her to the fact that they were back from visiting the business in person and on speakerphone.

"I had some favors owed me from people that work at the bank Thornhill does business with, so I cashed those in for us and got some information quickly and quietly. Only a couple months ago Thornhill opened this account with a single penny and twenty four hours with a thousand micro-transactions later his balance ballooned to just over twenty million dollars."

John was quiet for a minute. "So he becomes a multi-millionaire practically overnight?"

"Yea and the first thing he started doing that very morning after becoming a millionaire: buying payphone companies all over the state." Joss said before she leaned her elbow on her desk as she rested her chin on her hand. "But that's not even the strangest thing about this guy, John. I took the liberty of calling the data entry company myself for you guys. Get this, John: no one at the company has ever met or seen Mr. Thornhill."

"Never?" Shaw piped up this time.

"Nope, everyone was hired online, everyone right down to the secretary. I think we're looking at someone with Howard Hughes level of paranoia or maybe he's taking classes from Finch," she muttered.

"I think I know who our number really is: a ghost," John said. "He doesn't really exist. I've seen it done dozens of times before."

"I think you may be right," Joss agreed.

"I have a theory which makes this one different than anything else before," John added. "Joss said that Thornhill bought all the payphone companies in the state and basically became a multi-millionaire overnight with thousands of micro transactions."

"Yea, so?" Fusco wondered, sounding confused.

"The job, the credit score, the vacant home, and everything else were to meet the requirements of a living person; so it could buy up all the payphone companies in the state…why? Cell phones are making pay phones obsolete so why would anyone want to buy them all and in this single state?—unless you need to so an impending phone call doesn't fall into the wrong hands."

"Are you're not saying that Thornhill is really the machine?!" Shaw asked.

"Wonder-boy, have you been taking lessons from Fruity Pebbles?" Fusco demanded incredulously.

Joss cursed. "It makes sense. I didn't notice it before but the date that the bank account was created for Thornhill was the day after I was strapped with a bomb vest which was when Kara forced Mark to help her install that virus into the machine," she said quietly. "The machine created a faux person so it could buy up all the pay phones in the state to protect itself from falling into the wrong hands," Joss said with a shake of the head. "The machine was definitely created by Finch," she muttered.

"Okay so if Thornhill is really ghosting for this artificial intelligence than why would the alias be coming under fire?—because Decima wants to get their hands on the pay phones and views the man owning them all as a threat?" Shaw wondered.

"I entered the Twilight Zone," Fusco deadpanned, but no one paid him any attention.

"Possibly; but I think perhaps the machine gave us Thornhill's number to let us know that the crash is imminent. Maybe by sending us the number of the alias it created for itself was the machine's way to let us know that it's about to happen," John spoke aloud the thoughts in his head.

Joss made a sound of agreement. "I think you're right, John. It makes the most sense as to why it gave us Thornhill's number with Finch being taken by Root. But that leaves us the bigger question: what payphone is it going to call? There are dozens and dozens of pay phones around the state, John; we don't have enough man power to watch them all. We need the exact location," she said, keeping her voice low.

"Now this is the time we find Finch since he should know the exact payphone since he's the one that built the damn thing!" Shaw said. "And we get to get that bitch Root!"

John pulled up Finch's GPS coordinates on his phone, narrowing his eyes at what he was seeing. "He's close to the precinct, Joss," John murmured in surprise.

"Give his coordinates to me, John," Joss ordered instantly before hanging up with John and he texted her Finch's coordinates. John was right, that was awfully close to where she was it was in fact across the street.

Joss sprinted for the exit and didn't stop for anything. There was no telling what Root was up to and if she could get close then she might be able to save Finch and John wouldn't have to worry anymore.

She exited the precinct and didn't head to her car instead she hugged the side of the precinct and looked across the street in search of their missing friend and sure enough there was Finch with Root who had her arm looped around his.

She called John. He answered quickly. "What's happening?" he asked forgoing any greeting.

"I found him; Root has her arm looped around Finch's elbow and they look to be talking. She doesn't look like she's threatening him in any way so, as I said, Root needed Finch alive to help." Joss spoke quietly, watching the pair from afar.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," John promised darkly.

"Just hold on a second, let me get close and see if I can hear what's going on," she suggested.

"Joss…"

"Trust me, John," she requested softly.

"Alright, Joss," John agreed softly and she heard Shaw in the background clearly sounding like she wanted to go and kill Root.

Joss hurried across the street, careful to be not noticed by Root. She knew without a doubt that the woman knew she had accompanied John to Texas to search for Finch. Joss got as close as she could to listen in to their conversation but not close enough to be spotted.

" _What did you do to it, Harry?"_ Root asked. Joss scrutinized Root, making sure she wasn't hurting Finch in any way, and relaxed when she didn't notice a gun or any weapon trained on him. She would have to tell that to John when she could to reassure him _. "Alright let's try something simpler: how vulnerable is it?"_

" _When the virus crashes tonight at midnight, I predetermined a payphone for the machine to call, which will give whoever answers that phone unfettered access for twenty four hours_ ," Finch answered reluctantly. All of this was old news for Joss but it seemed Root didn't know everything past the fact that the machine was close to crashing.

" _Which payphone is it going to call Harold?"_ Root asked and Joss's ears perked up at that _._

" _I'm not really the trusting sort, Ms. Groves and Decima cannot possibly know the answer to that question,"_ Harold murmured and the pair stopped. Joss stepped behind a building they stopped near just in case they turned and saw her. She couldn't risk Root growing agitated and hurting Harold _._

" _They know enough. They're guarding every payphone in mid-town so it must be somewhere around here. If we go to the one true phone we'll tip our hand and they'll kill us before it even rings_." Root said.

Joss blinked and looked at the surrounding pay phones and sure enough there were two men dressed in suits that looked ex-military positioned at each one on each corner. Decima was watching and waiting.

" _Then I suppose we need a plan,"_ Harold murmured _._

" _Have a little faith in your creation, Harold. We don't need a plan if your machine already has one_ ," Root assured him, before grabbing his arm and escorted him forward once more. From the sounds of things it seemed like Harold was willingly going with Root to stop Decima.

Joss let them leave knowing that John could find Harold's whereabouts once more as long as he wore the glasses and he wasn't going to get rid of them any time soon or he couldn't see.

She put the phone back to her ear. "Joss what's happening?" John demanded sounding frantic. "Are you alright? Is Harold?"

"We're both fine John, sounds like Finch is working with Root to get to the payphone the machine is going to call before Decima can find it," she answered.

John hesitated. "He's working with her?"

"Seems like it. The crash is happening tonight at midnight and Decima is staking out every payphone in the inner city," she said softly. "But Finch knows where the correct payphone is and I think that's where Root and Harold will be heading later with some tricks up their sleeve. Root is crazily putting all her eggs in the machine's basket while Finch seems to think they need a plan of their own."

"Get back here, Joss, so we can come up with a plan to stop Decima, Greer, and safely getting Finch away from Root." John said quietly.

Joss nodded. "I'm on my way," she said and with that she hung up with John and hurried across the street for her car.

* * *

AN: Sorry the mini hiatus but I wanted to get LITW finished first since this one has taken forever to finish anyways :D But you won't have to worry about updates being slow as I think/hope to have this story finished soon. Thanks for reading, we need to bring home Finch!


	59. Chapter 59

Shaw and Fusco left together as they plotted and planned for the entire afternoon and evening for what they were going to do to save Finch; while John and Joss approached the New York Public Library from a different side. Joss was glad that they both got some rest during the afternoon. John dozed off a little, so did she, they both needed some rest and thankfully Shaw and Fusco let them sleep. They slept side by side on the couch in the extra room of the library. John had gone about 27 hours without sleep and she went nearly 42. Shaw woke them up and she felt groggy and definitely in need of more sleep but better. She chugged caffeine, made sure John took his pain pills, and they were ready to go save Finch. She and John could sleep for a day and a half once they had him back safe and sound.

They had waited to see where Finch and Root were headed and it really didn't surprise him that they were headed to the New York Public Library. It was eleven-fifty in the evening with ten minutes until the machine crashed.

"He really does like his libraries, doesn't he?" Joss murmured as she walked beside John, acting as his crutch. John didn't want to bring it so that Decima couldn't know he was injured. She didn't want to point out the fact that he was limping badly with bloodshot eyes and was still pale. Anyone with some eyes could see he wasn't a hundred percent.

"It would appear the case," John agreed as his eyes fell to his phone to track Finch's coordinates. "He's here somewhere."

They both tugged out their guns before connecting with Fusco and Shaw. "You guys here yet?" Joss asked.

" _Yea, we're entering the back entrance and going to head to the upstairs_." Shaw answered.

"We'll take downstairs then." John replied shortly. Before they had left each one of them had put on their bullet proof vests just in case and packed extra ammo. Though John needed his ribs re-wrapped first. If Decima Agents were headed here which no doubt they were, then they needed to be ready.

"Ready?" John asked Joss, who merely nodded in response. "Follow me," he said as he moved in front of her and entered the door. Joss fought arguing and clenched her teeth as John limped but forced himself to move fast and in front of her. He was going to get it for pushing her behind him once this was all over.

* * *

Finch and Root looked around the library before Root spoke, "New York Public Library, of course it's a library. That's so 'you' Harold, which phone is it going to call?" she wondered as she saw a beautiful mahogany phone booth. But they both hurried to the stone stairs when they heard a commotion and two men hurried for the phone booth.

"It's that one." Finch admitted a little worried that he had come with Root for nothing that they weren't going to save the machine from falling into Decima's hands. He knew that John had to be on his way; he always was, even if he was injured and knowing Joss who would ask him to stay behind to let her take care of it. That just wasn't John.

Root glanced at the men as they hurried up the stairs to keep out of their sight. "Looks like Decima got there first," Root said before getting a smile on her face. "They might have gotten the memo but they'll never get the call. Come on, we need to find the conjunction box," she instructed.

He nodded. "I actually know where it is," he admitted. Root eyed him before a large smile graced her face.

"Of course you do Harold, you always do you due diligence," she responded softly as they got to the second floor. Harold limped to his left and she followed. He slowly lowered himself down and Root pointed to the phone booth closest to her. "I'll take it over there."

"Careful what you wish for Ms. Groves, this communion you're seeking, it may not be what you think," Harold warned quietly. Ms. Groves wanted something that he had already done: he already set the machine free with this virus. It would let the machine self-govern itself. But he kept that information to himself for the time being.

"This isn't about me. It's about saving the machine, not just from Decima, but from what you did to it. And when that phone rings I'm going to answer it and together you and I are going to find the machine and set it free," Root replied scathingly.

Harold didn't say a word to refute her, instead he just got to work and hoped John found where he was so he could answer the call too.

* * *

John and Joss entered the library and walked the long corridor and saw two men standing near a phone booth. "Hide," John commented.

Joss nodded as she hid behind a pillar while John headed for the other one as the two men leveled guns at them and fired. "We have some company Shaw, Fusco, so be careful and keep your eyes peeled," Joss instructed quietly.

" _Copy that, we are in the back, heading for the elevator as of now_ ," Shaw murmured.

John leaned out and fired before hiding when the men fired back, piercing the pillar he was hiding behind. Joss glanced at him before crouching down so she was at knee level and popped out from behind her cover and fired with precision at the men. She got one in the knee before she had to hide behind the pillar as his partner fired towards her.

John immediately stepped out from the pillar and Joss nearly shouted at him in anguish but didn't have to as she peeked out and saw he had already taken care of the other Decima agent. She rushed to John and slid an arm around his waist when he stumbled a little.

"Damn it John, you can't walk," she whispered angrily as he leaned on her heavily.

"I'm fine," he whispered raggedly as he kicked the guns out of their reach.

Joss was beginning to hate that assessment as she helped John lean against the phone booth and disengage her clip to replenish it with a full one. She knew that she a few more bullets left in the clip but knowing these Decima agents she was going to need more.

John saw movement as he pushed away from the phone booth, lunging forward to shield Joss as a man dressed in black came rushing at them. Evidently more of Decima's agents were heading here already. Joss turned and watched as she couldn't get a clear shot of the man fighting with John. John ducked a blow before she hurried around the behemoth of a man and smashed the butt of her gun into the bald man's back of his head, hearing John's labored breathing. The man collapsed to the floor unconscious.

John eyed her. "Thanks for the assist Joss," he said raggedly.

She helped him move back against the phone booth to use it as a way to remain upright. He was breathing heavy and grimacing. She rested a hand on his hip, earning his glassy eyes on hers. "Told you we are stronger together," Joss purred as she stepped back.

"I know," he murmured as he curled the arm on his injured side into his ribs as he leaned his head back against the phone booth. "Joss, do me a favor and bend to grab the phone he dropped?—it looks like he has some video feeds."

Joss would do anything that lessened his pain at least a little. She bent and picked up the phone the unconscious man dropped as well as his gun. Joss handed it to him and peered over his shoulder and they both watched the timer counting down as well as the fact that Decima had hacked into the security camera feeds as they watched more men hurrying inside the library.

"Glad we brought extra rounds Joss because we have more company coming." he whispered.

Joss nodded as she connected with Fusco as Finch and Root came into view on the guy's phone. "Shaw, Fusco; Root is upstairs with Harold. It looks like Harold is doing something." she murmured unsure of what he was doing at a junction box, but knowing Finch, it was something related to the impending call that was mere minutes from coming.

" _That bitch is mine_!" Shaw assured.

" _You can't kill her,"_ Fusco said.

" _The hell I can't."_

"I'm with Fusco; don't kill her," Joss snapped, before both her and John could focus on the fact that more agents entered.

"Well, isn't it nice to see you, Mr. Reese," one man spoke as both she and John had to hide behind the phone booth as men fired at them. Joss glanced at John as the bullets were blocked by the booth.

"You know me, yet I don't know you," John called out, all earlier pain in his voice veiled. Joss didn't even know how that was possible.

"I'm Mr. Greer. I'm very familiar with your and Ms. Stanton's work," he replied conversationally.

John paused. "You're the man behind the scenes, the one that runs Decima, aren't you?" he asked.

"One and the same," Greer agreed.

"So you're the man that employed Kara Stanton, who strapped someone I care about with a bomb vest," he murmured lowly and Joss frowned recognizing that voice.

"John…" Joss whispered warningly.

"Stanton is a unique individual," Greer admitted. "Mr. Reese, you are out-matched, you and your cohort should cease fire and surrender."

John smiled. "I don't think so," he promised.

"JOHN!" she cried as he stepped out and fired. He aimed for Greer, who had to be the old one in the middle of the two men with guns drawn, and aimed for his head. Greer merely smirked figuring his hired muscle would save him. He was the reason for it all: for nearly losing Joss and Joan, because if he never employed Kara to upload the virus into the machine then Kara would never have come after Joss in the first place. She would never have shot Joan to force him to help find Finch when he gave her his name. Greer was the reason for everything that happened.

Joss was forced to keep low and fire at the men shooting at John. John grunted in pain but Joss couldn't look at him or it was all over. She shot kneecaps and didn't stop until they were down and grabbing at their blown out knees.

When there was no one standing she scooted out from behind the booth. "JOHN!" she cried as John's knees buckled.

"I got him," he whispered unevenly.

"Oh John," she whimpered. This was killing her seeing him like this. She helped John to hide behind the booth before hurrying and grabbing the guns of the Decima agents she just shot. Joss walked over to an elder man who lied on his back with lifeless eyes and blood pooling around him. She shook her head before turning as she looked back at the phone, so far they didn't have any more Decima agents heading their way yet. It would give John a much needed breather.

"You okay?" she asked as she squatted down near him, checking to make sure none of the shots they got on him grazed him. She saw one bullet had hit him in the middle of his chest where his vest was, thankfully. But that had to smart on his already broken ribs which could explain the ragged and heavy breath he was exhaling. He looked sweaty and pale. She didn't know how much more he could withstand before he collapsed completely.

"As good as you can be when you were run down by a car and shot a couple times, Joss," he said gently.

"That's not funny!" she snapped. She glanced at her watch. They had a few minutes before it hit midnight. That meant more Decima agents would be there soon. "Why did you kill Greer?" she wondered, not angry, but wanting to understand.

"He was the leader, Joss," John whispered. "And the reason Kara strapped you with a bomb vest. He's the one that gave Kara Harold's name. He was the one that set everything into motion. He's the reason for it all. He didn't deserve a prison cell any more than Kara did."

And there it was. She rubbed a hand through his hair. "I'm safe, John, and so is Joan."

John looked at her. "Now you are," he agreed. "Don't ask me to apologize or regret killing him, Joss, because I don't." he requested.

Joss searched his gaze before saying, "I won't because I know you believe what you did was right to protect everyone." She didn't necessary agree with his thinking but she understood it. Greer was the leader of Decima so he was the reason behind Kara Stanton coming after her in the first place. Everything that caused John grief was due to Greer's need to get his hands on the machine. She was just going to have to coach John for the future to not revert to his old ways.

* * *

Root looked at Harold. "Come on Harold it's almost midnight, the future begins in three, two, one…" she said giddily.

Harold helplessly waited for the moment the phone would ring. It wouldn't be long now. The machine had to crash already and thirty seconds later the payphone rang. Harold watched as Ms. Groves hurried to the payphone he rigged it to call; before looking back at the junction box and split the call to the original payphone having heard the gunfire and knew John had come. He pulled out his cell phone and texted John.

Harold watched as Root went to pick up the payphone when the elevator dinged and Ms. Shaw and Detective Fusco exited with guns drawn. Shaw instinctively shot Root in the arm and she cried out as she crumpled to the ground just as she was about to answer the payphone.

"You're lucky Carter got me to wing your ass!" Shaw snarled as she hurried over and Root screamed as the payphone continued to ring.

"No, I have to answer that!" Root cried as she surged to her feet, holding her arm and Shaw punched her hard in the temple and Root crumpled to the floor unconscious. Shaw smirked.

Fusco eyed Shaw. "Does that feel better, cold-cocking Cocoa Puffs?" he questioned.

"It does actually," Shaw agreed. She looked to Harold. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, but we are going to need to help John, more Decima agents are on their way and he should be in the process of answering the cell phone," Harold murmured. Shaw nodded and hopped over Root's unconscious body to go help.

* * *

John groaned as his phone buzzed with a text. Joss was on standby, watching. "John, you okay?" she demanded.

"I'm fine, Joss," he repeated the same answer each time she asked. He tugged his phone out and frowned at the text. "Joss, help me up."

"What?"

"Help me stand." he requested urgently as the payphone beside them rang over and over again.

Joss hurried to him and grabbed his uninjured side and helped lift as much as she could. He groaned as she helped him up. Joss kept an arm around his waist as she led him to the payphone. She looked at the phone they took from a Decima agent and saw more Decima agents entering. "We have company John, now is a hell of a time to answer a call."

John leaned against the wall of the booth as he grabbed the receiver while Joss had her gun ready as she was on the lookout. He answered the call and put the phone to his ear, "Can. You. Hear. Me?" a computer voice asked.

"Yes," he answered.

"Four o'clock," the voice said disjointedly. John looked at the clock and saw it was just a minute or so after midnight. He instinctively lifted his gun, leaned out of the booth and fired at a man running out, in the knee. "Eleven o'clock," the voice said again, and John shifted his aim and fired again just as two men came with weapons drawn.

"We need to move now." Joss said urgently. They were sitting ducks here and she wasn't going to let John have any more bullet holes in him. He needed some much needed R&R.

"Stay. Assets. Coming," the voice instead.

"We stay; Shaw and Fusco are coming," John said.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened and sure enough Shaw and Fusco exited with their guns drawn and ready. "Eight o'clock," John called out weakly.

Shaw, Joss, and Fusco followed John's order and they all fired at the remaining Decima agents running in.

"Anymore?" John asked his newfound friend.

"No," it answered

John nodded. "Good," he whispered as he collapsed in the booth unable to keep himself upright anymore. His ribs hurt, it made breathing rough, and his entire body ached. Joss was there by his side immediately with a hand on his face. "No more," he panted as his cell phone rang and he tugged it out and answered it, finding it was the machine.

"Stay there, don't move a muscle," she snarled, daring him to say anything, before she turned to look at Fusco and Shaw. "Shaw, look at John now! Fusco go make sure Finch is okay," she instructed as she raced to the men that they shot down and all of them had bullets to knees except for Greer. Once she knew for sure that no one could do something stupid, she hurried back to John. "Is he okay, Shaw?" she asked in concern.

"Yea, he's okay, but he's running on empty," Shaw admitted as she eyed her watch as she had two fingers at John's neck.

Joss nodded, now her heart could settle more in her chest once more. "John, can you ask your friend to remove the footage, to erase us from being here and any surrounding camera footage around this library?" she asked quietly.

John nodded not opening his eyes. "You heard the lady." he spoke to the phone via speakerphone.

"Yes. Of. Course," a computer voice sounded, making Joss eye it.

Joss heard the ding of the elevator and she let Shaw exit the booth as she crowded close to John wanting to hold him. "Hang in there, John! You can sleep once I get you home," she promised. She turned to look and saw Finch, Fusco, and Root exit. Her arm was bleeding and hands cuffed behind her back.

"I say leave her," Shaw snapped.

"We can't Ms. Shaw. But I do know the perfect place to put her," Harold said while Joss helped John up. "Mr. Reese, are you alright?" he asked in blatant concern.

"Yes," John answered while Joss said 'no.' Joss shook her head as she slid his arm over her shoulders and kept a firm around his waist.

Harold nodded, choosing to not comment on their differing of opinions of John's welfare. "Are you still connected with the machine?" Harold asked changing the subject.

"I am."

Root looked at John immediately before more tears fall. "I wanted to set the machine free," she whispered.

"But Ms. Groves…I already have." Harold says softly gaining her attention. "I realized that the people Nathan and I had entrusted the machine to were the wrong people, and the only way to protect the machine was to give it a way to protect itself. So when the machine crashed; it now is self-governing and is most likely in the process of moving itself. The government, me, you, no one will know where the machine moved itself to."

"Can it do that" Joss asked in surprise and Harold nodded.

Fusco makes a face. "I'm going to pretend I'm not hearing any of this mumbo jumbo. I don't want to know and after today, I don't!"

"The numbers, will they continue to come to us?" John asked suddenly.

"That will be up to the machine," Harold admitted.

"YES," the machine answered.

They all looked down at John's phone that he was holding and smiled. "Fusco, after we leave, we'll call in a disturbance here, can you 'help' with the investigation?" Joss asked.

"Yea, sure, because cleaning up the messes for Einstein, Mrs. Fully Loaded, and Mr. Sunshine is what I love to do," he griped.

Shaw eyed Root, ready to attack her like a vulture if she made one false move. Joss and Harold helped John move forward. "We got Finch back, John, now it's time for you to focus on yourself," she said sternly. John didn't say a word to argue as he let them lead him out of the library.

* * *

AN: I know I killed Greer off quickly BUT I just hate that guy. And I enjoyed adding Joss and Fusco into this, especially letting John and Joss work in tandem rather than John and Shaw. I think you guys will enjoy the last two chapters :D

Thanks for reading!


	60. Chapter 60

Days passed from Joan's shooting, the takedown of Kara, and saving the machine. Joan had since awakened and was on the road to recovery and in the four days since everything went down; John had gone to see her. But after saving the machine John had let Joss take him back to her place, as she wanted, and he slept for nearly sixteen hours in her bed. The injuries, exhaustion, and tension all walloped him and he hadn't been able to keep his eyes open. But he didn't feel so bad because Joss had slept alongside him for nearly as long. She beat him up by a couple hours. Taylor had come back home from staying with grandma after Joss had given him the all clear. And the boy helped his mother 'mother hen' him, frustrating him because they tag teamed and he couldn't get both to listen to a word he said.

Joss and Taylor had left him alone for the first time since he practically collapsed in their home several days ago. He still walked with the aide of the crutch and the brace to help heal his broken clavicle, much to Mandani's delight. Apparently his clavicle was healing right, so far, and Mandani was impressed by Joss at getting him to listen to orders. John resisted the urge to point out she thrived on telling him what to do and enjoyed it very much.

Since Joan had awakened and pulled out of the woods she was moved from ICU and into a private room. He was really going to thank Finch for all that he has done and Mandani; because while he was a 'patient' so was Joan and he was taking good care of Joan which was all that mattered to him.

He hobbled off the elevator when the doors opened. The nurse at the station smiled, "Hey John!" she greeted happily.

"Good evening Stella; how's Joan?" he asked as he made a slow go of it down the hall Joan's room was.

"Her usual sunny self, minus the complaining she has been making about busting herself free. If all goes well she should be outta here in a jiff," Stella said as she sidled up to him. "How about you?—you certainly look a tad bit better than when you came a couple days ago," she said, running a trained eye on him. "Your girlfriend sure is enforcing the law back at home," Stella spoke amicably. He smiled. Stella—nine out of ten times—was the nurse they typically saw when they came to visit Joan since she was moved out of ICU. Stella was a sweet-natured black twenty-nine year old woman who put her patients at ease and Joan adored her.

"Joss is taking very good care of me," he conceded. She wouldn't let him do a damn thing. Joss and Taylor both forbade him from showing up to his play tonight; claiming he needed more time to recuperate from his two gunshot wounds, which was why he was left home for the first time. Joss and Taylor left early to go eat dinner with Paul, Caroline, and Ty before the play. John figured he'd visit Joan and then stay in the back and watch the play from afar so Joss and Taylor didn't see him.

Stella smirked, "She scares the bejesus outta you doesn't she?"

John didn't dignify that with a response but Stella merely laughed at him as she opened Joan's door for him. "I can do it myself, Stella." he grumbled but didn't fight the nurse.

He entered Joan's hospital room and smiled warmly when he saw Joan wide awake and sitting up. "Oh thank god it's you, John, save me from this death trap," Joan pleaded.

He chuckled as the door behind him was closed and he hobbled over towards her. "What's so wrong with this place? Finch got you a cozy private room," he said, happy that Joan was getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. Mandani explained she would need physical therapy and so Harold agreed to find a private physical therapist and rent the equipment out so she could do it at his place. Finch realized that he was very unhappy with her at a rehab facility no matter what top of the line place he got her. So this was a way to make a compromise for him.

Joan rolled her eyes dramatically. "Besides the fact that they are trying to starve me to death, nothing, as much as I love Jell-O as the next person I would like to eat real food sometime soon, preferably my favorite: a chicken sandwich from that trendy spot your girlfriend showed you."

"Well, you are healing from a gunshot wound, Joan," he chided gently.

Joan arched a brow as she eyed his leg and then his eyes again. "And you're not?" she harrumphed.

"I was shot in the shoulder and leg; you were shot in near center mass."

"Beside the point," Joan sniffed. "I'm hungry. Batgirl would understand," Joan added.

John laughed softly as he sat down at the chair near her bed. "Of course Shaw would, the woman eats ten times a day." he commented as he gingerly moved to get comfortable. "They don't want to feed you anything too heavy too soon. These things take time to heal, trust me."

Joan sighed as she grabbed his hand. "Yea, that's what everyone keeps telling me. Maybe I'm not ready for real food because what they consider 'food' here is actually poison!" Joan stated and he chuckled again. She caught his eye. "So where is Baby GQ and cop lady?"

"Taylor has a play."

Joan smirked, "So you escaped while they are gone and can't boss you around, eh. That's not a half bad idea,"she commented.

"You're not allowed."

"And why not?" she demanded.

"Shot in the stomach." he reminded. She opened her mouth so he added, "And because I really don't want you too. I want you to stay here until you are given a clean bill of health and are released by Mandani."

Joan shook her head. "Damn cop lady for telling you to bat your eyes at me. It's just not fair!—who can resist it?" she complained. "Alright, for you I'll stay until I'm released, but only for you," Joan relented but not happily.

John smiled. "Thank you," he said softly before he reached into his wool coat as he looked around, before tugging out a candy bar. "Here, you might be on a strict diet but if you eat this slowly you should be okay."

Joan's eyes widened in delight at the Hershey Bar and took the offering. "I knew you had a trick up your sleeve!" she hooted with laughter as she unwrapped the candy bar. "I hope you smuggled this in and didn't stop at the vending machine, the nurses might be onto you if you did and it could get confiscated," Joan murmured with eyes on the door.

John shook his head. "You're talking to a former international spy, Joan, no one saw me at the vending machine," he assured her.

Joan looked at him then the candy bar. "Uh-huh, except for if you had to shake, rattle, and roll the damn thing to get it to work."

"Vending machines always work for me," John muttered.

"Of course it works for you: you're you. But for us average joes, it hates us!" Joan said and they both laughed at the explanation. They fell silent and while she ate and cherished the candy bar she looked up and saw John had grown quiet and thoughtful. "What's wrong, John?" she asked as she reached out to grab his hand once more.

He remained quiet for a moment longer before saying, "Joss told me she loves me," he said softly.

"And…?"

"It doesn't surprise you?" he wondered.

Joan laughed. "Does finding out that cop lady loves you surprise me?—oh John, that's a good one," she said still chuckling. "What surprised me is that it took this long for that pretty lady to tell you. But she got you smiling, looking happier than I've ever seen you, and sober, so she must be handling things with you right, so I wasn't going to question her wisdom."

Joan grinned as he looked thoughtful again. "You told her you loved her back, right?" she asked and when he didn't respond Joan's laughter faded. "John, you told her you loved her right?"

"No."

"Well why not?—you do!" Joan griped.

He fidgeted in his seat. "I know I do."

"Then shouldn't you be telling Joss that you love her?" Joan demanded. "John, what's wrong?—Joss loves you and you love her. It's simple."

"It's not simple," John snapped.

Joan was unimpressed with his attitude: she saw him at his worst. "It is."

"How can she love me?"

"What's not to love?" Joan answered his question with one. He grew agitated and Joan waited for the reason why. "Please, do not say you're a monster, John. I don't believe you and neither does Joss."

"Joan…."

"Or is that the problem: you don't love yourself. You don't see yourself the way we see you."

John looked at her. "I never have," he acknowledged. "You and Joss see something in me that is just not there. I'm not this good man you believe me to be. You were shot because of me."

"I was shot because of that darn crazy woman. You had nothing to do with that," Joan argued. The boy did love dragging his feet at facing things. Maybe she should help cop lady out, give him a nudge forward.

"I had everything to do with it because she went after you because of me. So you wouldn't have almost died if it wasn't for me," he reasoned.

"If it wasn't for you I'd be dead already, John."

"Don't say that," he hissed in anguish.

Joan smiled as she tightened her hand on his. "What?—you're the only one that is allowed to have their dark days. You're the only one to have had thought about ending their life because the one you wanted to be with was gone? You're not. I thought about it, John. I thought about it quite a bit, about how I could be reunited with my Chris. Instead of pushing his last few personal effects I had left around in some old rusty cart. And then you stumbled in on my path, looking devastated and done with the world, detouring my plans. There was just something about you. It was like you brought me back from the brink, John."

"Stop," he whispered.

"You don't want me to stop, John," she countered gently. "I never had a child but I do now."

They fell into silence and Joan saw how bright his eyes had gotten. "Tell me, John," she encouraged after giving him a few moments.

"I love you Joan," he whispered.

"I know you do, and I love you too. You are the reason why I didn't end my life then, you're the reason why I am leaving the encampment, and you're the reason I'm alive now." Joan murmured with tears in her eyes. "I want a hug John."

He leaned over and hugged her tightly. She sniffed as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "Now the next time you come in here, I want you to tell me that you told that wonderful woman that you love her." she stipulated. "And if not, unless you come bearing chocolate, you're not allowed in here," she said and he chuckled softly.

John leaned back. "I promise the moment I can get you out of here I will," he offered.

She smiled. "Get out of here and get home before cop lady finds out that you escaped, she'll skin you alive."

* * *

Joss sat awkwardly with her ex-husband and his new girlfriend with her son as they watched Taylor's play. Both she and Taylor insisted that John stay home and recuperate and recover; that it wasn't necessary for him to come. John had fought until his body gave out on him and he fell asleep. Joss just hoped John was feeling mostly better so he could be ready to see Darren's recital next week. Taylor understood what happened; Darren wouldn't.

Joss enjoyed Taylor's play and if she said so herself that her son was brilliant and was the first one to stand up and clap when it was over. She smiled as the teens all dispersed off stage to hurry to their family. Taylor hurried over.

"You were great baby." she said as she hugged her son. Paul and his girlfriend hugged him next. Tyreese and Taylor were too young and manly to give each other hugs, so they settled on a fistbump.

"Thanks, John seemed to like it too," Taylor said mischievously.

She blinked in startled surprise. "John? John's here?" she demanded as she looked around. "Where?"

"Yea, he's near the back door," Taylor admitted. "I saw him come in. He got here a couple minutes into the play even though we asked him to stay home."

Joss whirled around and saw him turning to leave. "Oh hell no!" she cried before she turned to look at her son.

"Go mom!"

"Thank you, we'll celebrate after I go get that stubborn man," she said with a quick chaste kiss on his cheek before turning and running for the door. She heard Paul's girlfriend ask what was going on. But Joss didn't care about explaining her erratic behavior. She had a crutch wielding Houdini to stop. She weaved around the parents and was close to just showing her badge and command everyone to get the hell out of her way. John was too good at disappearing and doubted that a crutch would slow him down, the blasted man got a head start on her and he was in for a lecture for coming here against their wishes.

She ran out of the gymnasium, scanning, and saw him walking, or rather, limping away. He towered over everyone and she would recognize his sexy gait and that sweet V at the back of his head no matter where he was. Joss ran to go catch up to him, refusing to call his name or he'd try to quicken his strides. Joss didn't stop running until she managed to get ahead of him and she stopped directly in front of him.

He blinked in surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Your son invited me and I said yes. I never break my word if I can help it," he said gently.

"John, you are injured if you have forgotten! You should be at home in my bed sleeping." she stated, incredulous. "And you knew I'd be pissed that you came anyway which is why you stayed in the back and tried to slip out unnoticed! Fat chance of that happening!"

John flicked a quick look up and saw teenagers and parents eyeing them with interest. "Joss, can we go someplace and talk in private?" he asked softly.

Joss blinked and looked around and saw people eyeing them. She grabbed his elbow and tugged him in to the nearby room, flicked the light on, and slammed the door shut. "Now where was I?—oh right, I was yelling at you for coming to my son's play when I specifically asked you to stay home because you are recuperating from a gunshot and who knows what someone might have here! John, you don't need to catch something or get an infection; you need to think about your health one of these damn days."

He glanced around the room they entered and noticed it was a Chemistry room. "Are you listening to me?" she demanded and he shifted his gaze onto her and smiled.

"Yes…."

"John, I know you want to keep your promises, especially to my son; but you were shot and you're not a hundred percent yet," she said as she approached him and she slid her hands under his coat and rested her hands on his hips. "Shaw and Finch are holding down the fort with the numbers with occasional help from Fusco and me so you can heal. So heal, damn it!"

"I am healed," he defended. Joss snorted as her gaze pointedly fell to the crutch. He exhaled before tacking on, "Mostly."

The door to the Chemistry room opened and Taylor poked his head inside, "My friend saw you pull a man on a crutch in here, go easy on Mr. Badass, mom. He doesn't mean to not listen," Taylor said as he entered the room.

John smiled, finding an ally. Joss turned and rested her fists on her hips. "Thank you, Taylor," he murmured.

"Oh I'm not on your side, Mr. Badass. You should have stayed home and stayed in bed, but all I'm asking is for her to go easy on you. You've been through a lot and mom's lectures can go on for a while," he said with a grin at John's crestfallen look.

"Oh, my lectures can go on for a while huh? Like I enjoy giving lectures! As if! If the men in my life would listen for one damn minute I wouldn't have to lecture." she complained while Taylor just laughed. Joss shifted her gaze on John, slid her arms around his arm of his injured side very gingerly and they walked slowly to the exit. "You were saved by my son…lecture is to be continued," she huffed.

"I can't wait," he deadpanned.

* * *

AN: One last chapter to this long story. I'm excited and also sad to see this one end. Thanks for reading!


	61. Chapter 61

_**AN: Here's the final chapter that was supposed to be up yesterday but I just ran out of time with the impending holiday coming. There is so much to do and not a lot of time to do it in. So I apologize.**_

* * *

It had been a couple days since Taylor's play and with each new day that passed, the better John looked. Joss wasn't going to say outright that he was fully healed because he wasn't, but he was better. And that helped since Darren's recital was coming up in four days so John could go. Darren had given them tickets so long ago, so they could save the date, and she knew if John couldn't go it would crush Darren but also John. John didn't need the crutch anymore to assist him walking as his leg wound healed quite nicely but he still limped around with the muscles and tissues still healing internally. Mandani was very pleased with the progress his ribs and clavicle was healing and deemed John to be a fast healer; which was good with the line of work John did.

Last night was the first night they made love since everything happened, thanks to John finally be healed enough to participate in such activities, and it had been spiritual more than physical. It was like a homecoming as John entered her so much so that she blubbered like a baby as he brought her the most exquisite pleasure. Afterwards he had held her tight until she fell into a restful sleep. And with Kara, Decima, and Root being taken care of, it was quiet for the first time in a long time where they could just focus on themselves and the numbers. She was grateful for that since John needed to finish healing and Shaw could handle the numbers alone or getting an assist from her or Fusco.

Yesterday they brought Joan home to John's place after Joss was granted the ability to go on a buying spree to get Joan some workout clothes and lounge clothes so she could feel more comfortable and at home. Once she was healed enough to go out and about on her own; Joss was going to take her shopping and treat her to a good old fashion mani pedi. She deserved such pampering. Joan was just happy to be finally free of the hospital even with the strict diet she was on. She was allowed to walk but was limited in on how much she was allowed too. Shaw agreed that between Finch, her, and Joss they could make sure Joan didn't do too much and they used their trump card of John to make sure Joan followed instructions. She really did want to get better for him, it was so cute. Her physical therapy was going to start tomorrow and John wanted to head over there to make sure the therapist Finch had found was good.

Joss had left her son home with John and in charge—much to John's dismay—as she had to go to work. She headed for her car after leaving the precinct on time for once and debated on texting John to see if he wanted Chinese tonight. He loved Chinese and she wanted to coddle him some since he was actually listening to her and letting her take good care of him. He only whined and griped about being sidelined from the numbers when he learned that Finch and Shaw were busy working a new one. But otherwise he was mostly good about sitting out and letting himself heal from the gunshot wounds he sustained thanks to Kara before going out and working the numbers again.

Joss climbed in her car and paused from inserting her key in the ignition when she got a text. She pulled her phone out and saw it was a text from Finch that he wanted her to head to Centre and Canal Street. Joss frowned, not really wanting to go there and help with a number when there was her son and John at home waiting for her; where she could share a real dinner with them, then later make love with John since he didn't have to go wandering about. But Finch was a dear friend and maybe he and Shaw needed some help, so she'd go see if she could help and then go sit and eat dinner with her son and John.

Joss pulled away from the curb and it took about fifteen minutes with traffic to head where he wanted her to: it was just across the street from The Pony Bar. In fact this is where she first met John when he had been a homeless man on his way to end his life, stopping long enough to aide her. She took a moment to reflect on that as she climbed out of her car and headed to the coordinates that Finch texted her. Joss slowed as she came up to the alleyway at Centre and Canal Street and she could almost see it in her mind's eye that faithful night. Stopping the punks from raping a young girl, then taking them on and fighting for all her worth when they wanted to rape her instead. The stupid ass that sat on top of her choking the life out of her until someone ripped the bastard off her and suddenly she could breathe again. Joss reached a hand up to her neck subconsciously as the memories were vivid.

The the homeless man, John, had showed up out of thin air saving her and she watched him fight. His fighting had shocked and awed her because not many knew how to fight like that. She had known immediately he had to have been someone with a military background. Thinking about it now she should have offered John some assistance but as she knew back then, he didn't really need any. And the first words John said to her were:

"Are you alright?"

Joss whirled around when the words she was thinking were said. Her eyes widened in surprise as John stood there much like he had that night minus the beard, wild long hair, bad clothes, and bottle of Jack hanging out of his jacket pocket.

"That was the first thing I said to you," he murmured gently as if she didn't remember.

She stared at him, still gathering her wits because she wasn't sure what he was doing here. She wasn't even sure what she was doing here other than she was asked to be here. She didn't really think she'd be lost in memories the way she had.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded finally. "You're supposed to be at home with my son recovering from gunshots wounds," she added as if he didn't recall that fact.

John smiled a little. "Your son let me out when I explained."

"Explained what?" Joss asked crossly. She was going to have a long talk with that boy. When she said John wasn't allowed to go anywhere she meant anywhere!

"When you came to the encampment you surprised me," he said.

Joss narrowed her eyes on him as he didn't answer her, but if he wanted to travel down memory, she'd see where he went with it. "I did?"

"Yea, I really didn't believe I'd ever see you again."

"You saved my life," she pointed out.

He chuckled. "Not many would care about that."

"I'm not like many," she said simply.

"No you're not," he agreed softly. "You touched me here," he whispered as he touched his left hand where she touched him for the first time at the encampment.

She nodded, remembering that too. "And you flinched," she said. "It made me wonder when was the last time someone touched you in comfort but I didn't dare ask then, but I'll ask now: when?"

"I'm not even sure, Joss," John admitted. "But your touch lingered; I can still feel its imprint to this day," he murmured as he stepped forward. "You did something to me with that touch, Joss."

"What?" she asked a little breathless because there was something swimming deep in his eyes, something profound and she felt like they were on the cusp of a new beginning.

"It's like you brought me back to life."

Joss felt her heart hammer, "Oh, John," she whispered as she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. "There was something about you too that spoke to me and I know you don't really believe me, but it's the truth."

"You said you loved me enough for the both of us. I'm not sure if I can ever see myself the way you see me, Joss," he said softly as he held her hips.

"John…"

He kissed her briefly to quiet her. "Let me finish," he requested and she nodded curtly. "I might not be able to see myself the way you see me, but I'm going to try."

She smiled as tears filled her eyes. That was a big step for John to even attempt at purging himself of his past and learning to forgive himself. "That's all I can ask for: I promise you, John, if you just let me I can help you heal enough to find closure over your past," she promised.

He looked her in the eyes. He slid his hands from her hips to cup her face. "I might not love myself but I do love you."

Joss felt her heart stop. "What?" she asked in shock. Did he just say what she thought he said? Because it sort of sounded like he just told her that he loved her. It was something she had been longing to hear but had figured she wouldn't hear it for a long while.

He smiled shyly. "You said you wanted me to tell you when I was ready and I'm ready Joss: I love you," he spoke quietly not sure how to take her look on her face.

"Uh, can you repeat that, John?" she requested as she wetted her lips.

"Joss, I love you," John repeated patiently.

Joss cried as she surged forward to kiss him warmly. They stood in the alleyway, locked in an embrace for seconds or minutes, she wasn't sure. And she didn't care. The world narrowed to just her and John, nothing else mattered right now.

She pulled free and rested her forehead against his. "God, I love you, John," she breathed.

"I love you too, Joss, but I can't guarantee us a happy ending," he whispered.

She looked up into his eyes. "John, I don't need a guarantee. Happy endings are fairytales anyways; I want real love and real love is hard and not always grand or even always happy. But we love each other, belong together, and we'll work hard at keeping that," she proclaimed.

John kissed her again, but before John could deepen it or make her forget her own name she tugged free as a sudden thought struck her. "Wait a minute, Finch texted me here…." she said and then looked at him irritably. "Was this some sort of setup to drag my ass here to where we met so you could tell me that you love me?"

John shifted a little uncomfortably. "Maybe…"

"And my son let you out of the house while you are still recuperating from gunshot wounds and broken ribs and a broken clavicle because you told him this?" she asked after listing his injuries just so he knew she remembered what they were and the seriousness to them.

"Yes." he agreed with slumped shoulders, waiting for the lecture that was sure to come. But he would take it, Taylor thought it was a good idea and the kid encouraged him to do it.

Instead Joss smiled. "Sometimes you have good ideas," she mumbled as she pulled him down for a kiss.

* * *

John and Joss had hurried back to her place and was grateful to find Taylor had bailed. Clearly the teen had known what was probably going to happen and did not want to be anywhere near them. She read the note he left after they burst into the brownstone kissing warmly and desperately. He was going over to his grandmother's to stay the night. Apparently Taylor was being given the first glimpse of her new beau which irked Joss that she wasn't there to meet this guy, but not enough to give up this alone time with John. Her son would give her the lowdown on the guy and perhaps his name so she could go do a check on him. She was reserving judgment of this chump until she met him: and if her momma was extremely happy with him, he treated her well, and didn't have a criminal past then and only then would she be okay with this guy.

She and John had stumbled up the stairs as their clothes hit the staircase leaving a trail up that anyone with eyes would know what they were doing at the moment.

John was buried deep inside her, moving slowly with eyes locked on hers. Neither one was in a hurry to get to a climax, both were happy to be intimately joined. Their hands roamed with soft touches, both pressing warm kisses to their hot skin; loving each other mind, body, and soul. But a half hour later they both reached their pinnacle, coming nearly simultaneously, and were a tangle of arms and legs resting on her bed, breathing rapidly but both completely sated.

They were quiet for a long while before she curled up into his side. "You know you're living with me right?" she asked gently.

She felt him stiffen slightly in surprise. "What?" he asked.

Joss lifted her head to look him in the eyes. "My son, when he asked you to stay with me while Kara was on the loose and he had to stay with his Grandma; he only did it so you would live with me."

"It was supposed to be temporary I thought," he murmured.

She smiled. "Is it?"

John stared into her eyes. "No."

"I didn't think so," she teased, feeling her heart burst in happiness as she lifted and kissed him. "Joan will be happy," she murmured as she laid her head back down on his chest. "She wanted you to stay here with me because she said you belonged in a home. She said your place was too barren."

"When did she reveal that, at the hospital?"

"No, at the dinner; it was during out little tour."

"Is that when she was crying?—and you said she told you something in confidence," he asked.

Joss nodded. "Uh-huh, she was so happy for us," Joss admitted as she held him. "I was too because I had no intentions of letting you to 'move out' anyways."

"Oh you didn't, did you?"

"Nope; you're all mine now," she replied sincerely as she held him tightly.

John stared into her eyes and smiled softly. "And you're all mine too," he agreed and sealed their fate with a kiss.

* * *

AN: Thank you to everyone that came along on this journey that was this story. It was fun. I appreciate everyone that read and reviewed XOXOXOX. More will coming soon-ish, but in the meantime I'll just sidetrack you guys with Careese Themes and there is a doozy to commemorate the 50th prompt and I'll be posting it this week sometime.


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